{Cue lion roar in the background, calling the animals to gather
to Pride Rock for the Ceremony.}
[THE CIRCLE OF LIFE]
[ MS: Male Singer
BS: Background Singer
FS: Female Singer (lead) ]
{Sunrise on African grassland (lightly treed), in time with
opening chant to The Circle of Life}
MS: Nants▓ ingonyama bagithi baba [There comes a lion]
BS: Sithi uhhmm ingonyama [Oh yes, it's a lion]
{Various shots of animals raising their heads at the sunrise:
rhinos, antelope, a cheetah, meerkats, storks...}
MS: Nants▓ ingonyama bagithi baba [There comes a lion]
BS: Sithi uhhmm ingonyama [Oh yes, it's a lion]
Ingonyama
MS: Siyo Nqoba [We're going to conquer]
BS: Ingonyama
Ingonyama nengw'▓ enamabaal [It's a lion and a tiger]
{repeats 5}
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala (Se-to-kwa!)
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala (Asana)
{repeats 1}
Sister: ...leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation
and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria
declared for him, and even Stigand... Alice!
Alice: Hmm...? Oh, I'm listening.
Sister: And even Stigand, the archbishop of Canterbury, agreed to meet with William and offer him the crown.
Alice: Hihihi!
Sister: William's conduct at first was mo....
Alice: Hihihi!
Sister: Alice...! Will you kindly pay attention to your history lesson?
Alice: I'm sorry, but how can one possibly pay attention to a book with no pictures in it?
Sister: My dear child, there are a great many good books in this world without pictures.
Alice: In this world perhaps. But in my world, the books would be nothing but pictures.
Sister: Your world? Huh, what nonsense. Now...
Alice: Nonsense?
Sister: Once more. From the beginning.
Alice:
That's it, Dinah! If I had a world of my own, everything would be
nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what
it isn't. And contrariwise, what it is, it wouldn't be, and what it
wouldn't be, it would. You see?
Dinah: Meow!
Alice: In my world, you wouldn't say 'meow'. You'd say 'Yes, miss Alice'.
Dinah: Meow!
Alice: Oh, but you would! You'd be just like people, Dinah, and all the other animals too. Why, in my world... Cats
and rabbits, would reside in fancy little houses, and be dressed in
shoes and hats and trousers. In a world of my own. All the flowers
would have very extra special powers, they would sit and talk to me for
hours, when I'm lonely in a world of my own. There'd be new birds, lots
of nice and friendly how-de-do birds, everyone would have a dozen
bluebirds, within that world of my own. I could listen to a babbling
brook and here a song, that I could understand. I keep wishing it could
be that way, because my world would be a wonderland.
Zazu: {Very concerned} Now Scar, don't look at me that
way... HELP!
{Scar quickly pounces on the bird, catching him in his mouth.}
Mufasa: {Almost immediately and off-camera} Scar! ...
Scar: {Mouth full} Mm-hmm?
Mufasa: Drop him.
Zazu: {Speaking from Scar's mouth} Impeccable timing, your
majesty.
{Scar spits the bird out, covered with saliva}
Zazu: {Slimed} Eyyccch.
Alice: You know, Dinah, we really shouldn't...uhh...uhh...be doing this... After all, we haven't been invited! And curiosity often leads to troubl – l – l – e – e – e! Goodbye, Dinah! Goodbye! ... Oh! Well, after this I shall think nothing of fa-... of falling downstairs! ... Oh! Ahhh... Oh, Goodness! What if I should fall right through the center of the earth... oh, and come out the other side, where people walk upside down. Oh, but that's silly. Nobody... oh! Oh, ha ha. Oh, mister Rabbit! Wait! Please! ... Curiouser and curiouser!
Doorknob: Ohhhhh!!
Alice: OH! Oh, I beg your pardon.
Doorknob: Oh, oh, it's quite all right. But you did give me quite a turn!
Alice: You see, I was following...
Doorknob: Rather good, what? Doorknob, turn?
Alice: Please, sir.
Doorknob: Well, one good turn deserves another! What can I do for you?
Alice: Well, I'm looking for a white rabbit. So, um, if you don't mind...
Doorknob: Uh? Oh!
Alice: There he is! I simply must get through!
Doorknob: Sorry, you're much too big. Simply impassible.
Alice: You mean impossible?
Doorknob: No, impassible. Nothing's impossible! Why don't you try the bottle on the table?
Alice: Table? Oh!
Doorknob: Read the directions, and directly you'll be directed in the right direction. He he he!
Alice:
'Drink me'. Hmmm, better look first. For if one drinks much from a
bottle marked 'poison', it's almost certain to disagree with one,
sooner or later.
Doorknob: Beg your pardon!
Alice: I
was just giving myself some good advice. But... hmm, tastes like oh...
cherry tart... custard... pineapple... roast turkey... goodness! What
did I do?
Doorknob: Ho ho ho ho! You almost went out like a candle!
Alice: But look! I'm just the right size!
Doorknob: Oh, no use! Ha ha ha ha. I forgot to tell you, ho ho ho ho! I'm locked!
Alice: Oh no!
Doorknob: Ha ha ha, but of course, uh, you've got the key, so...
Alice: What key?
Doorknob: Now, don't tell me you've left it up there!
Alice: Oh, dear! What ever will I do?
Doorknob: Try the box, naturally.
Alice: Oh! 'Eat me'. All right. But goodness knows what this will do... wow, wow, wow, wow, wow!
Doorknob: whtwhsthswwdthdwd!
Alice: What did you say?
Doorknob: I said: 'a little of that went a long way'! Ha ha ha ha!
Alice: Well, I don't think it's so funny! Now- now I do never get ou-out!
Doorknob: Oh, come on now. Crying won't help.
Alice: I know, but I- I- I just can't stop!
Doorknob:
Hey, hey you! Bwbwlwbbwlwbl! Say, this won't do at all! You, you up
there, stop! Stop, I say! Oh look! The bottle, the bottle...
Alice: Oh dear, I do wish I hadn't cried so much.
Doorknob: glpglpglp...
Scar: Yes well, don't remind me of....
NEMO
First day of school! First day of school! Wake up, wake up! C'mon, first day of school!
MARLIN
I don't wanna go to school. Five more minutes.
NEMO
Not you, dad. Me!
MARLIN
Okay...huh?
NEMO
Get up, get up! It's time for school! It's time for school! It's time for school!
It's time for school! Oh boy! Oh boy!
Scar: {Admiring his claws} ...Must have slipped my mind.
Zazu: Yes, well, as slippery as your mind is, as the king's
brother, you should have been first in line!
{Scar clicks his teeth at Zazu, who has flown near his
face. Zazu takes cover behind Mufasa's foreleg. Scar bends
down to speak to him.}
Scar: Well, I was first in line... until the little hairball
was born.
Mufasa: {Lowering his head and meeting Scar eye to eye}
That "hairball" is my son... and your future king.
Scar: Ohh, I shall practice my curtsy.
{Scar turns away and starts to exit}
Mufasa: {Warning} Don't turn your back on me, Scar.
Scar: {Looking back} Oh, no, Mufasa. Perhaps YOU shouldn't
turn YOUR back on me.
Dodo: Three points to starboard. Follow me, me hearties! Have you at port no time at all now, haha! Oh...
Alice: Mister Dodo!
Dodo: Johoho, and a bottle of sea, we love each time...
Alice:
Please! Please help me! ... Um, pardon me, but uh, would you mind
helping me? Please? Yoo Ho! Yoo Ho! Help me! Please! Help me!
Dodo: Forward,
backward, inward, outward, come and join the chase! Nothing could be
drier than a jolly caucus-race. Backward, forward, outward, inward,
bottom to the top, never a beginning there can never be a stop to
skipping, hopping, tripping, fancy free and gay, I started it tomorrow
and will finish yesterday. Round and round and round we go, and dance
for evermore, once we were behind but now we find we are be-forward,
backward, inward, outward, come and join the chase! Nothing could be
drier than a jolly caucus-race. For backward... I say! You'll never get dry that way!
Alice: Get dry?
Alice: The white rabbit! Mister Rabbit! Mi- mister Rabbit!
White Rabbit: Oh, my goodness! I'm late! I'm late!
Alice: Oh, don't go away! I'll be right back!
White Rabbit: I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!
Dodo: Don't step on the fish! Eric, there, won't you there stop kicking that mackerel! William...
Alice: Mister Rabbit! Oh, mister Rabbit! Oh dear, I'm sure he came this way. Do you suppose he could be
hiding? Hmmm... not here. I wonder... No, I suppose he must have... Oh! Why, what peculiar little figures!
Tweedle Dee... and Tweedle Dum!
Tweedle Dee: If you think we're wax-works, you ought to pay, you know!
Tweedle Dum: Contrariwise, if you think we're alive you ought to speak to us!
Dee & Dum: That's logic!
Alice: Well, it's been nice meeting you. Goodbye!
Dee: You're beginning backwards!
Dum: Aye, the first thing in a visit is to say: How do you do and shake hands, shake hands, shake hands. How do you do and shake hands and state your name and business.
Dee & Dum: That's manners!
Alice: Really? Well, my name is Alice and I'm following a white rabbit. So...
Dee: You can't go yet!
Dum: No, the visit has just started!
Alice: I'm very sorry...
Dum: Do you like to play hide-and-seek?
Dee: Or button-button, who's got the button?
Alice: No, thank you.
Dee: If you stay long enough we might have a battle!
Alice: That's very kind of you, but I must be going.
Dee & Dum: Why?
Alice: Because I am following a white rabbit!
Dee & Dum: Why?
Alice: Well, I- I'm curious to know where he is going!
Dum: Ohhhh, she's curious! Tsk! tsk! tsk! ts!...
Dee: The oysters were curious too, weren't they?
Dum: Aye, and you remember what happened to them...
Dee & Dum: Poor things!
Alice: Why? What did happen to the oysters?
Dee: Oh, you wouldn't be interested.
Alice: But I am!
Dum: Oh, no. You're in much too much of a hurry!
Alice: Well, perhaps I could spare a little time...
Dee & Dum: You could? Well...
Dee: 'The Walrus and the Carpenter'!
Dum: Or: 'The story of the curious Oysters'!
Dee & Dum: The
sun was shining on the sea, shining with all his might, he did his very
best to make the billows smooth and bright. And this was odd, because
it was the middle of the night. The Walrus and the Carpenter were
walking close at hand. The beach was white from side to side but much
too full of sand. 'Mister Walrus', said the Carpenter: 'My brain begins
to perk. We'll sweep this clear in half a year, if you don't mind the
work.'
Walrus: Work? Uh, pff, brrrr! Uh the time has come...
Dee & Dum: ...the Walrus said...
Walrus: ...to talk of other things. Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, and cabbages and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings. Callooh, callay, no work today! We're cabbages and kings! ... Oh, uhhh, oysters, come and walk with us. The day is warm and bright! A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk, would be a sheer delight!Carpenter: Yes, and should we get hungry on the way, we'll stop and uh... have a bite!
Walrus: Hrmmmm!
Dee & Dum: But mother Oyster winked her eye and shook her heavy head. She knew too well this was no time to leave her oyster bed.
Mother oyster: The sea is nice, take my advice, and stay right here.
Dee & Dum: Mom said.
Walrus: Yes, yes, of course, of course! But eh... haha! The time has come, my little friends, to talk of other
things. Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings. Haha! Callooh, callay, come run away! We're the cabbages and kings! ... Hrmmm, well now, uh... let me see... Ah! A loaf of bread is what we chiefly need.
Carpenter: So how about?? some pepper and salt and vinegar, aye?
Walrus: Oh yes, yes, splendid idea! Haha, very good indeed! Now, if you're ready, oysters dear... haha... we can begin to feed.
Oysters: Feed?
Walrus: Oh yes, ahh, the time has come, my little friends, to talk of food and things!
Carpenter: Of peppercorns and mustard seed and other seasonings. We'll mix some all together in a sauce as good for kings. Callooh, callay, we'll live today, like cabbages and kings!
Walrus: I uh, weep for you, I -uh- oh, excuse me, I deeply sympathize. For I've enjoyed your company, oh, much more than you realize.
Carpenter: Little oysters, little oysters...
Dee & Dum: But answer there came none. And this was scarcely odd, because, they'd been eaten, every one!
Walrus: Hmm, well, uhhh, ha ha, ha ha, ha ha, hmm... the time has come!
Dee & Dum: We're cabbages and kings! The end!
Alice: That was a very sad story.
Dum: Aye, and there's a moral to it.
Alice: Oh yes, a very good moral, if you happen to be an oyster. Well, it's been a very nice visit...
Dum: Another recitation...
Alice: I'm sorry, but...
Dum: Its titled 'Father William'.
Alice: But really, I'm...
Dum: First verse: You are old father William, the young man said and your hair has become very white. And yet you incessantly stand on your head, do you think at your age it is right, is right, do you think at your age it is right? Well, in me youth, father William replied to his son, I'd do it again and again and again and I'd done it again and again and again...
Scar: I'm glad I don't have a Father William!
Zazu: And that you aren't a walru-- aargh!
{ Scar holds Zazu by the neck }
Mufasa: Is it true? Or is it that just the stubborn you have?
Scar: Hey! If I was a walrus, I would of saved Marlin from....
BRUCE
Hello.
DORY
Well, hi!
BRUCE
Name's Bruce. It's all right, I understand. Why trust a shark, right? So, what's a couple of
bites like you doing out so late, eh?
MARLIN
Nothing. We're not doing anything. We're not even out.
BRUCE
Great! Then how'd you morsels like to come to a little get-together I'm havin'?
Mufasa: So true.
Scar: Yeah
Zazu: Heh, reminds me of Miley's big time! Heh heh.
(Jesse McCartney walks in) Jesse: Hey Im Jesse
(Lilly screams)
Hannah: Oh my gosh it Jesse McCartney I LOVE YOU (EXCITED) I mean big fan big fan
Jesse: listen tonight I am the fan and you did a great job (Jesse hands out is hand says to Lilly) And you are?
Lilly:(Lilly takes and says) Eeep
Jesse: Nice to meet you eeep listen Hannah a bunch of my friends an I are going to the Dragon Room wanna come?
Hannah: yes
Lilly: No
Hannah: No
Lilly: Yes
Hannah: Excuse us
Hannah: What are you doing
Lilly: Are science project
Hannah: Oh right ok I got the fix you do all the work and ill go out Jesse Toddles
Lilly: I got a better idea you give me the Hannah wig and ill go out with Jesse Toddles
Hannah: I don’t think he speaks eeep
Jesse:(pops his head in) Listen ladies if now’s not a good night why don’t we do it tomorrow
Hannah: That would be absolutely
Lilly: Math test
Hannah: Impossible how bought Tuesday
Lilly: yearbook committee
Hannah: of next week
Lilly: Home coming float
Hannah: witch I just realized its no Good either busy busy bee yep that me how bought I just text you
Jesse: being rejected in person is enough I don’t need it in writing thanks (Jesse
walks out)
Mufasa: Get on with the story!
Alice: Wait! Please! Just a minute! Oh, dear. I'll never catch him while I'm this small. Why curious butterflies!
Rose: You mean bread-and-butterflies.
Alice: Oh, yes, of course, I... hmm? Now who do you suppose... Ah, a horse fly! I mean, a- a rocking horse fly!
Rose: Naturally!
Alice: I beg your pardon, but uhh... did you... oh, that's nonsense. Flowers can't talk.
Rose: But of course we can talk, my dear.
Snap-dragon: If there's anyone worth talking to.
Marguerite: Or about! Hahahaha!
Violets: And we sing too!
Alice: You do?
Tulips: Oh, yes. Would you like to hear 'Tell it to the tulips'?
Larkspur??: No, let's sing about us!
Violets: We know one about the shy little violets...
1st Lily: Oh, no, not that old thing!
2nd Lily: Let's do 'Lovely lily at the valley'!
Daisies: How about the daisies in the...
Lilac: Oh, she wouldn't like that!
Rose: Girls, girls! We shall sing: 'Golden afternoon'. That's about all of us! Sound your A, Lily!
Lily: Laaaa...
Violets: Mimimimi...
Marguerite: Lalalala...
Snap-dragon: Hahahahahahaha...
Marigolds: Poem, poem poem, poem poem poem poem poem....
All flowers: Little bread-and-butterflies kiss the tulips, and the sun is like a toy balloon. There are get up in the morning glories, in the golden afternoon. There are dizzy daffodils on the hillside, strings of violets are all in tune, Tiger lilies love the dandy lions, in the golden afternoon, the golden afternoon. There are dog and caterpillars and a copper centipede, where the lazy daisies love the very peaceful life they lead... You can learn a lot of things from the flowers, for especially in the month of June. There's a wealth of happiness and romance, all in the golden afternoon. ... All in the golden afternoon, the golden afternoon...
Alice: You can learn a lot of things from the flowers, for especially in the month of June. There's a wealth of happiness and romance, oh...
Flowers: ...the golden afternoon!
Alice: Oh, that was lovely.
Rose: Thank you, my dear.
Marguerite: What kind of garden do you come from?
Alice: Well I don't come from any garden...
Marguerite: Oh, do you suppose she's a wild flower?
Alice: Oh no, I'm not a wild flower...
Rose: Just what specie, or shall we say, genus, are you, my dear?
Alice: Well, I suppose you call me a genus, humanus, eh... Alice!
Marguerite: Ever seen an Alice with a blossom like that?
Snap-dragon: Come to think of it, did you ever see an Alice?
Marguerite: Yes, and did you notice her petals? What a peculiar color!
Snap-dragon: And no fragrance!
Marguerite: Hahaha! Just look at those stems!
Snap-dragon: Rather scrawny, I'd say.
Rose bud: I think she's pretty!
Rose: Quiet, bud!
Alice: But I'm not a flower!
Snap-dragon: Aha! Just as I suspected! She's nothing but a common mobile vulgaris!
Flowers: Oh no!
Alice: A common what?
Snap-dragon: To put it bluntly: a weed!
Alice: I'm not a weed!
Tulip: Well, you wouldn't expect her to admit it.
Lilac: Can you imagine!
Marguerite: Well, goodness!
Lily: Don't let her stay here and go to seed!
Other flower??: Go on now!
Rose: Please, girls...
Violets: We don't want weeds in our bed!
Alice: Oh, all right, if that's the way you feel about it. If I were my right size, I could pick every one of you if I wanted to! And I'd guess that'd teach you!
Flowers: Hihihi!
Alice: You can learn a lot of things from the flowers... Huh! Seems to me they could learn a few things about manners!
Simba: {Arrogantly} I... am a genius.
Nala: Hey, Genius, it was my idea.
Simba: Yeah, but I pulled it off.
Nala: With me!
Simba: Oh yeah? ...Rrarr!
{Simba jumps at Nala; they tussle quickly. Nala ends on
top and pins Simba with her forepaws, producing a
resounding thump.}
Nala: Ha. Pinned ya.
Simba: {Annoyed} Hey, lemme up.
{Nala turns away smiling. Simba looks at her and jumps at her
again. They tussle, rolling down a short hill. She pins him
again in the same position with another thump.}
Nala: Pinned ya again.
{A geyser makes a loud noise nearby, ejecting steam.
The camera pulls back to a view of the surroundings that
the cubs have just noticed. Mostly in grays, we see a dark
craggy vale filled with skeletons of elephants. Eerie
music.}
Simba: This is it. We made it.
{They look over the edge of the ledge they are on. A large
bull elephant skull is nearby. The camera follows to survey the
entire bleak view.}
Simba and Nala: Whoa!
Nala: It's really creepy.
Simba: Yeah... Isn't it great?
Nala: {Relishing her naughtiness} We could get in big
trouble.
Simba: {Enjoying it also} I know, huh.
Nala: {Looking at the skull} I wonder if its brains are
still in there.
Simba: {Walking towards the skull} There's only one way to
know. Come on. Let's go check it out.
{Simba walks towards the mouth of the skull. Zazu flaps
suddenly up in front of them, emitting a sharp squawk of
"Wrong!" and giving the audience a start.}
Zazu: The only checking out you will do will be to check
out of here.
Simba: Aw, man.
Timon: Hey, kid.
Simba: I love ya. And I'm looking forward to another great year. Just like this year. Hahaha.
Zazu: Not on your life.
Timon: Shhhhh! Back to the story!
Caterpillar: A, e i o u, a e i o u, a e i o u, o, u e i o a, u e i a, a e i o u... Who are you?
Alice: I- I- I hardly know, sir! I changed so many times since this morning, you see...
Caterpillar: I do not see. Explain yourself.
Alice: Why, I'm afraid I can't explain myself, sir, because I'm not myself, you know...
Caterpillar: I do not know.
Alice: Well, I can't put it anymore clearly for it isn't clear to me!
Caterpillar: You? Who are you?
Alice: Well, don't you think you ought to tell me- cough-cough, cough-cough, who you are first?
Caterpillar: Why?
Alice: Oh dear. Everything is so confusing.
Caterpillar: It is not.
Alice: Well, it is to me.
Caterpillar: Why?
Alice: Well, I can't remember things as I used to, and...
Caterpillar: Recite.
Alice: Hmm? Oh! Oh, oh, yes, sir! Um... how doth the little busy bee, improve each shi...
Caterpillar: Stop! That is not spoken correcitically. It goes: how...
Alice: Hihihi!
Caterpillar: Hmm! How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail. And pour the waters of the Nile, on every golden scale. How cheer... how cheer... Ahem!
Alice: Hihihihi!
Caterpillar: How cheerfully he seems to grin, how neatly spreads his claws. And welcomes little fishes in, with gently smiling jaws.
Alice: Well I must say I've never heard it that way before...
Caterpillar: I know, I have improved it.
Alice: Well, cough-cough-couch, if you ask me...
Caterpillar: You? Huh, who are you?
Alice: Cough-cough, cough-cough, A-choo! Oh!
Caterpillar: You there! Girl! Wait! Come back! I have something important to say!
Alice: Oh dear. I wonder what he wants now. Well...?
Caterpillar: Keep your temper!
Alice: Is that all?
Caterpillar: No. Exacitically, what is your problem?
Alice: Well, it's exacitici-, exaciti-, well, it's precisely this: I should like to be a little larger, sir.
Caterpillar: Why?
Alice: Well, after all, three inches is such a wretched height, and...
Caterpillar: I am exacitically three inches high, and it is a very good height indeed!
Alice: But I'm not used to it. And you needn't shout! Oh dear!
Caterpillar: By the way, I have a few more helpful hints. One side will make you grow taller...
Alice: One side of what?
Caterpillar: ...and the other side will make you grow shorter.
Alice: The other side of what?
Caterpillar: The mushroom, of course!!
Alice: Hmm. One side will make me grow... but which is which? Hmm. After all that's happened, I- I wonder if I... I don't care. I'm tired of being only three inches high -yi -yi -yi -yi -yi!
Bird: Ah! A serpent! Aaaaahhh! Help! Serpent! Serpent!
Alice: Oh, but please! Please!
Bird: Off with you! Shoo! Shoo! Go away! Serpent! Serpent!
Alice: But I'm not a serpent!
Bird: So? Indeed? Then just what are you?
Alice: I'm just a little girl!
Bird: Little? Ha, little? Whahahaha!
Alice: Well I am! I mean, I- I was...
Bird: And, I suppose you don't eat eggs, either?
Alice: Yes, I do, but...
Bird: I knew!
Alice: But- but- but...
Bird: I knew it! Serpent! Serpent!
Alice: Oh, for goodness sake! Hmmm... and the other side will...
Bird: A very idea! Spend all my time lying eggs, for serpents like her! Aaaaaaahhh! Oh, Oh, oh, oh!
Alice: Goodness... I wonder if I'll ever get the knack of it. There, that's much better. Hmmm... I better save
these. Now let's see, where was I? Hmmm, I wonder which way I ought to go...
Cheshire Cat: 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves, did gyre and gimble in the wabe. All mimsy were the
borogoves, and the momeraths outgrabe.
Alice: Now where in the world do you suppose that...
Cheshire Cat: Uh... loose something?
Alice: Oh! Hehe, Oh uhhh... hehe... I- I was... no, no, I- I- I- I mean, I uhh... I was just wondering...
Cheshire Cat: Oh uhh, that's quite all right! Oh, hrmm, one moment please... Oh! Second chorus... 'Twas
brilllig, and the slithy toves, did gyre and gimble in the wabe...
Alice: Why, why you're a cat!
Cheshire Cat: A Cheshire Cat. All mimsy were the borogoves...
Alice: Oh, wait! Don't go, please!
Cheshire Cat: Very well. Third chorus...
Alice: Oh no no no... thank you, but- but I just wanted to ask you which way I ought to go.
Cheshire Cat: Well, that depends on where you want to get to.
Alice: Oh, it really doesn't matter, as long as I g...
Cheshire Cat: Then it really doesn't matter which way you go! Ah-hmm... and the momeraths outgrabe... Oh, by the way, if you'd really like to know, he went that way.
Alice: Who did?
Cheshire Cat: The white rabbit.
Alice: He did?
Cheshire Cat: He did what?
Alice: Went that way?
Cheshire Cat: Who did?
Alice: The white rabbit!
Cheshire Cat: What rabbit?
Alice: But didn't you just say... I mean... oh dear!
Cheshire Cat: Can you stand on your head?
Alice: Oh!
Cheshire Cat: However, if I were looking for a white rabbit, I'd ask the Mad Hatter.
Alice: The Mad Hatter? Uh... no, no, I do- I do...
Cheshire Cat: Or, there's the March Hare. In that direction.
Alice: Oh, thank you. I- I think I shall visit him.
Cheshire Cat: Of course, he's mad too.
Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people!
Cheshire Cat: Oh, you can't help that. Almost everyone is mad here. Ha... ha ha ha ha ha! You may have
noticed that I'm not all there myself.... hahaha... and the momeraths outgrabe...
Simba: We had to stop at my favorite birthday.
Timon: YOUR favorite birthday? Alice's!
Simba: Yeah? What is YOUR favorite part?
Timon: { thinks } Nothing.
Pumbaa: Nothing Whatever!
Timon: Pumbaa, thats after the next Cheshire Cat!
Pumbaa: It wouldn't hurt if I said something right!
Timon: Pumbaa, not in front of the kids!
Pumbaa: Sorry.
Nala: It's back on!
Alice: Goodness. If the people here are like that, I- I must try not to upset them. How very curious!
March Hare: ...to us. A very know what day today is tea forget of us??
Mad Hatter: A very merry unbirthday...
March Hare: A very merry unbirthday...
Mad Hatter & March Hare: A very merry unbirthday to us! ...
March Hare: A very merry unbirthday to me.
Mad Hatter: To who?
March Hare: To me.
Mad Hatter: Oh you!
March Hare: A very merry unbirthday to you.
Mad Hatter: Who, me?
March Hare: Yes, you.
Mad Hatter: Oh me!
March Hare: Let's all congratulate us with another cup of tea, a very merry unbirthday to you!
March Hare & Mad Hatter: No room, no room, no room, no room, no room, no room, no room!
Alice: But I thought there was plenty of room!
March Hare: Ah, but it's very rude to sit down without being invited!
Mad Hatter: I say it's rude. Its very very rude, indeed! Hah!
Dormouse: Very very very rude, indeed...
Alice: Oh, I'm very sorry, but I did enjoy your singing and I wondered if you could tell me...
March Hare: You enjoyed our singing?
Mad Hatter: Oh, what a delightful child! Hah! I'm so excited, we never get compliments! You must have a cup of tea!
March Hare: Ah, yes indeed! The tea, you must have a cup of tea!
Alice: That would be very nice. I'm sorry I interrupted your birthdayparty... uh, thank you.
March Hare: Birthday? Hahaha! My dear child, this is not a birthdayparty!
Mad Hatter: Of course not! Hehehe! This is an unbirthdayparty!
Alice: Unbirthday? Why, I'm sorry, but I don't quite understand.
March Hare: Its very simple. Now, thirty days have sept- no, when... an unbirthday, if you have a birthday then you... haha... she doesn't know what an unbirthday is!
Mad Hatter: How silly! Ha ha ha ha! Ah-hum... I shall elucidate! Now statistics prove, prove that you've one birthday.
March Hare: Imagine, just one birthday every year.
Mad Hatter: Ahhh, but there are 364 unbirthdays!
March Hare: Precisely why we're gathered here to cheer!
Alice: Why, then today is my unbirthday too!
March Hare: It is?
Mad Hatter: What a small world this is.
March Hare: In that case... a very merry unbirthday.
Alice: To me?
Mad Hatter: To you!
March Hare: A very merry unbirthday.
Alice: For me?
Mad Hatter: For you! Now blow the candle out, my dear and make your wish come true! Hihihi!
March Hare & Mad hatter: A very merry unbirthday to you!
Dormouse: Twinkle, twinkle, little bat, how I wonder what you're at! Up above the world you fly, like a tea-tray in the sky!
Alice: Oh, that was lovely!
Mad Hatter: And uh, and now my dear, hehe, uh... you were saying that you would like to sit uh...? You were sitting some information some kind... hehe!
Alice: Oh, yes. You see, I'm looking for a...
Mad Hatter: Clean cup, clean cup! Move down!
Alice: But I haven't used my cup!
March Hare: Clean cup, clean cup, move down, move down, clean cup, clean cup, move down!
Mad Hatter: Would you like a little more tea?
Alice: Well, I haven't had any yet, so I can't very well take more...
March Hare: Ahh, you mean you can't very well take less!
Mad Hatter: Yes! You can always take more than nothing!
Alice: But I only meant that...
Mad Hatter: And now, my dear, something seems to be troubling you. Uh, won't you tell us all about it?
March Hare: Start at the beginning.
Mad Hatter: Yes, yes! And when you come to the end, hehehe, stop! See?
Alice: Well, it all started while I was sitting on the riverbank with Dinah.
March Hare: Very interesting. Who's Dinah?
Alice: Why, Dinah is my cat. You see...
Dormouse: Cat?
March Hare: Hurry! Give the jam! Quickly! Give the jam! On his nose! Put it on his nose!
Mad Hatter: On his nose, on his nose!
Dormouse: Where's the cat...
Mad Hatter: Oh. Oh, my goodness! Those are the things that upset me!
March Hare: See all the trouble you've started?
Alice: But really, I didn't think...
March Hare: Ah, but that's the point! If you don't think, you shouldn't talk!
Mad Hatter: Clean cup! Clean cup! Move down, move down, move down!
Alice: But I still haven't used....
Mad Hatter: Move down, move down, move down, move down... And now my dear, as you were saying?
Alice: Oh, yes. I was sitting on the riverbank with uh... with you know who...
Mad Hatter: I do, hehehe?
Alice: I mean my C - A - T...
Mad Hatter: Tea?
March Hare: Just half a cup if you don't mind.
Mad Hatter: Come, come my dear. hehehe! Don't you care for tea?
Alice: Why, yes, I'm very fond of tea, but...
March Hare: If you don't care for tea, you could at least make polite conversation!
Alice: Well, I've been trying to ask you...
March Hare: I have an excellent idea! Let's change the subject!
Mad Hatter: Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Alice: Riddles? Let me see now. Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Mad Hatter: I beg your pardon?
Alice: Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Mad Hatter: Why is a what?
March Hare: Careful! She's stark raving mad!
Alice: But- but it's your silly riddle! You just said...
Mad Hatter: Very good??!
March Hare: How about a nice cup of tea?
Alice: A nice cup of tea, indeed! Well, I'm sorry, but I just haven't the time!
March Hare: The time, the time! Who's got the time?
White Rabbit: No, no, no, no! No time, no time, no time! Hello, goodbye! I'm late! I'm late!
Alice: The white rabbit!
White Rabbit: Oh, I'm so late! I'm so very very late!
Mad Hatter: Well, no wonder you're late! Why, this clock is exactly two days slow!
White Rabbit: Two days slow?
Mad Hatter: Of course you're late. Hahaha! My goodness. We'll have to look into this. A-ha! I see what's
wrong with it! Why, this watch is full of wheels!
White Rabbit: Oh, my good watch! Oh, my wheels! My springs! But- but- but- but, but- but- but...
Mad Hatter: Butter! Of course, we need some butter! Butter!
March Hare: Butter!
White Rabbit: But- but- butter?
Mad Hatter: Butter, oh, thank you, butter. Ha ha. Yes, that's fine.
White Rabbit: Oh no no, no no no you'll get crumbs in it!
Mad Hatter: Oh, this is the very best butter! What are you talking about?
March Hare: Tea?
Mad Hatter: Tea! Oh, I never thought of tea! Of course!
White Rabbit: No!
Mad Hatter: Tea! hehehe
White Rabbit: No! Not tea!
March Hare: Sugar?
Mad Hatter: Sugar. Two spoons, yes, ha, two spoons. Thank you, yes.
White Rabbit: Oh, please! Be careful!
March Hare: Jam?
Mad Hatter: Jam! I forgot all about jam!
White Rabbit: No, no! Not jam!
Mad Hatter: Yes, sure you want, it's nice to see.
March Hare: Mustard?
Mad Hatter: Mustard? Yes, but... Mustard? Don't let's be silly! Lemon, that's different, that's... yes! That should do it. Hahaha! ... Look at that!
March Hare: Its going mad!
Alice: Oh, my goodness!
White Rabbit: Oh dear!
March Hare: It is going mad! Mad watch!
Mad Hatter: I don't understand, it's the best butter.
March Hare: Mad watch! Mad watch! Mad watch!
Mad Hatter: Oh, look! Oh my goodness!
March hare: There's only one way to stop a mad watch!
Mad Hatter: Two days slow, that's what it is.
White Rabbit: Oh, my watch...
Mad Hatter: It was?
White Rabbit: And it was an unbirthday present too.
March Hare: Well, in that case...
March Hare & Mad Hatter: A very merry unbirthday to you!
Alice: Mister Rabbit! Oh, mister Rabbit! Oh, now where did he go to?
March Hare & Mad Hatter: A very merry unbirthday to us, to us. A very merry unbirthday to us, to us...
Simba: Told you!
Pumbaa: For your information, they said US not ME.
Timon: What did I tell you?
Pumbaa: Not in front of the kids.
Nala: Let's get back to Alice! It's on!
Alice: Of all the silly nonsense, this is the stupidest tea party I've ever been to in all my life. Well, I've had enough nonsense. I'm going home. Straight home. That rabbit. Who cares where he's going anyway. Why, if it hadn't been for him I... 'Tulgey Wood'... Hmm, curious. I don't remember this. Now let me see... Oh! Uh, no no, please. No more nonsense. Now, if I came this way, I should go back this way!
Duck: Quack!
Alice: Oh, I beg your pardon!
Duck: Quack quack quack quack! ...
Alice: Goodness. When I get home I shall write a book about this place... If I- if I ever do get home... Oh, um, excuse me! Um, could one of you tell me... uh... ha ha, never mind. Oh dear. Its getting dreadfully dark. And nothing looks familiar. I shall certainly be glad to get out of... Oh! ... It would be so nice if something would make sense for a change! Oh! 'Don't step on the momeraths'. The momeraths? Oh! A path! Oh thank goodness! Why, I just knew I'd find one sooner or later. Oh, if I hurry back I might even be home in time for tea! Oh, would Dinah be happy to see me! Oh, I just can't wait 'till I- oh! Oh dear! Now I- now I shall never get out. Well, when- when one's lost, I- I suppose it's good advice to stay where you are, until someone finds you. But- but who'd ever think to look for me here? Good advice. If I listened earlier I wouldn't be here! But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice... but I very seldom follow it. That explains the trouble that I'm always in. Be patient is very good advice, but the waiting makes me curious. And I'd love the change, should something strange begin. Well, I went along my merry way, and I never stopped to reason. I should have known there'd be a price to pay, some day. Some day. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it. Will I ever learn to do the things I should?
Chorus: Will I ever learn, learn to do the things I should?
Cheshire Cat: Hmhmhmhm... and the momeraths outgrabe.
Alice: Oh, Cheshire Cat, it's you!
Cheshire Cat: Whom did you expect? The white rabbit, perchance?
Alice: Oh, no no no no. I- I- I'm through with rabbits. I want to go home! But I can't find my way.
Cheshire Cat: Naturally. That's because you have no way. All ways here you see, are the queen's ways.
Alice: But I've never met any queen.
Cheshire Cat: You haven't? You haven't? Oh, but you must! She'll be mad about you, simply mad! Hahaha! And the momeraths outgrabe...
Alice: Please, please! Uh... how can I find her?
Cheshire Cat: Well, some go this way, some go that way. But as for me, myself, personally, I prefer the shortcut.
Alice: Oh!
Card painters: Da dee dee da da da, Doodle de do, dee do dee do, bum bum bum bum, painting the roses red, we're painting the roses red, we dare not stop or waste a drop, so let the paint be spread. We're painting the roses red, we're painting the roses red! Painting the roses red, and many a tear we shed, because we know they'll cease to grow, in fact they'll soon be dead. Noooo! And yet we go ahead, painting the roses red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red. Painting the roses red, we're painting the roses red...
Alice: Oh, pardon me, but mister Three, why must you paint them red?
Card painters: Huh? Oh! Well, the fact is, miss: we planted the white roses by mistake. And, the queen, she likes them red. If she saw what we said, she'd raise her voice and each of us would quickly loose his head.
Alice: Goodness!
Card painters: Since this is the thought we dread, we're painting the roses red!
Alice: Oh dear! Then let me help you! Painting the roses red...
Alice & Card painters: We're painting the roses red. Don't tell the queen what you have seen, or say that's what we said, what, we're painting the roses red...
Alice: Yes, painting the roses red...
Card painters: Not pink, not green...
Alice: Not aquamarine...
Alice & Card painters: We're painting the roses red!
Card painters: The Queen! The Queen!
Alice: The Queen!
Card painters: The Queen! ...
Queen: Cards, halt! Count off!
Cards: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, Jack.
Alice: The rabbit!
White Rabbit: He...he... her imperial highness, he... her grace, her excellency, her royal majesty, the Queen of Hearts! And the King...
Mickey Mouse??: Hurray!
Queen: Hum... Who's been painting my roses red? Who's been painting my roses red? Who dares to taint, with vulgar paint, the royal flower bed? For painting my roses red, someone will loose his head!
Three: Oh, no! Your majesty! Please, it's all his fault!
Two: Not me, your grace! The Ace, the Ace!
Queen: You?
Ace: No, Two!
Queen: The Deuce you say?
Two: Not me, the Three!
Queen: That's enough! Off with their heads!
Cards: They're going to loose their heads, for painting the roses red, it serves them right, they planted white, the roses should be red. Oh, they're going to loose their head...
Queen: Silence!
Alice: Oh, please, please! They were only trying to...
Queen: And who is this?
King: Uh... well, well, well, now, eh... let me see, my dear. It certainly isn't a heart... do you suppose it's a club?
Queen: Why, it's a little girl.
Alice: Yes, and- and I was hoping...
Queen: Look up, speak nicely, and don't twiddle your fingers! Turn out your toes. Curtsey. Open your mouth a little wider, and always say 'yes, your majesty'!
Alice: Yes, your majesty!
Queen: Hmhmhmhm. Now, um, where do you come from, and where are you going?
Alice: Well, um, I'm trying to find my way home...
Queen: Your way? All ways here are my ways!
Alice: Well, yes, I know, but I was just thinking...
Queen: Curtsey while you're thinking, it saves time.
Alice: Yes, your majesty, but I was only going to ask...
Queen: I'll ask the questions! Do you play croquet?
Alice: Why, yes, your majesty.
Queen: Then let the game begin!
King: In your places, in your places, By order of the king! Hurry, hurry, hurry!
Queen: Shuffle deck! Cards cut! Deal cards! Cards, halt! ... Silence! Pfwfwfwfw! ... Off with his head!
King: Off with his head, off with his head! By order of the king. You heard what she said!
Queen: You're next!
Alice: Oh, but...
Queen: Hahaha... my dear.
Alice: Ahhh... Yes, your majesty.
Queen: Hmhmhmhmhm....
Cards: Hahahahaha!
Alice: Oh... hahahahaha! Stop!
Queen: Grrrwl, ??
Alice: Do you want us both to loose our heads?
Flamingo: Uh! Hum!
Alice: Well, I don't!
Cards: Hahahaha... Hurray! ... Hahahaha!
Cheshire Cat: La la la da da dum... la la la hmm... I say, how are you getting on?
Alice: Not at all.
Cheshire Cat: Beg your pardon?
Alice: I said 'not at all'!
Queen: Whom are you talking to?
Alice: Oh, uh... a cat, your majesty!
Queen: Cat? Where?
Alice: There! Oh... Oh there he is again!
Queen: I warn you child, if I loose my temper, you loose your head, understand?
Cheshire Cat: You know, we could make her really angry. Shall we try?
Alice: Oh no no!
Cheshire Cat: Oh, but it's lots of fun!
Alice: No, no, no! Stop! Oh no!
White Rabbit: Oh my fur and whiskers!
King: Oh dear! Save the queen!
Queen: Someone's head will roll for this! Yours! Off with her...
King: But- but consider, my dear. Couldn't she have a trial... uh... first?
Queen: Trial?
King: Well, just a... uh... little trial? Hmm?
Queen: Hmm. Very well then. Let the trial begin!
Timon: Why did we have to stop there?
Nala: Not our fault! Remember what Pumbaa said on the last break?
Simba: Hey, lets tell another tale while we wait!
Timon: Yeah I've got a good one!
Pinocchio | I�m all right. |
Honest John | Ah, splendid! Well, well. Quite a scholar, I see. Look Giddy, a man of letters. Here�s your book. |
Pinocchio | I�m going to school |
Honest John | School! Ah, yes. Then you haven�t heard of the easy road to success. |
Pinocchio | Uh-huh. |
Honest John | No? I�m speaking my boy, of the theatre! Here�s your apple. Bright lights, music, applause! Fame! |
Pinocchio | Fame? |
Honest John | Yes? And with that personality, that profile, that physique� why! He�s a natural born actor, eh Giddy? he nods |
Pinocchio | But I�m going� |
Honest John | Straight to the top. Why, I can see your name in lights, lights six feet high. Uh, what is your name? |
Pinocchio | Pinocchio. |
Honest John | Pinocchio! P-I-N-U-O- uh, ha-ha, we�re wasting precious time. Come on to the theatre! Hi-diddle-dee-dee and actor's life for me a high silk hat and silver cane a watch of gold with a diamond chain Hi-diddle-dee-dee and actor's life for me it's great to be a celebrity an actor's life for me |
Jiminy Cricket | running Whew! Fine conscience I turned out to be! Late the first day! Oh well, he can�t get in much trouble between here and school. |
Honest John | Ta dum diddle dee dum ti dee un dee dumm� |
Jiminy Cricket | Oh boy, a parade |
Pinocchio & Honest John | Hi-diddle-dee-dee and actor's life for me |
Jiminy Cricket | Huh? |
Honest John | a wax mustache and a beaver coat a pony cart and a billy goat |
Jiminy Cricket | Why it's� it's Pinoke! Hey where you going? |
Honest John | Hi-diddle-dee-dee and actor's life is fun you wear your hair in a pompadour |
Jiminy Cricket | Wait! |
Honest John | you ride around in a coach and four you stop and buy out a candy store |
Jiminy Cricket | Halt! |
Honest John | an actor's life for me! |
Jiminy Cricket | Hold on there! Pinoke! |
Honest John | Hi-diddle-dee-dee and actor's life for me with clothes that come from the finest shop and lots of peanuts and soda pop Jiminy whistles to take attraction What was that? |
Pinocchio | Oh it's Jimminy! What are you doin' up there? |
Honest John | Uh? who? what? Jimminy? up where? |
Jiminy Cricket | Shh to Gideon |
Honest John | But my boy you must be seeing things |
Pinocchio | Oh no, that's my conscience |
Honest John | Now, now, now, just calm down. Why there's nothing up there to be afraid of. |
Jiminy Cricket | Shh, Pinoke, over here |
Pinocchio | Oh Jimminy, I'm gonna be an actor |
Jiminy Cricket | All right son, take it easy now. Remember, what I said about temptation? aha. Well, that's him. |
Pinocchio | Oh no Jimminy, that's Mr. Honest John! |
Jiminy Cricket | Honest John? |
Honest John | Get me outta here! Oooh! |
Simba: That is a good one! Time for mine!
ALADDIN: Jasmine, I'm sorry I lied to you about being a
prince.
JASMINE: I know why you did.
ALADDIN: Well, I guess...this... is goodbye? (GENIE pokes
his head around the corner shocked at what he is
hearing.)
JASMINE: Oh, that stupid law. This isn't fair--I love you.
GENIE: (Wipes away a tear) Al, no problem. You've still
got one wish left. Just say the word and you're a
prince again.
ALADDIN: But Genie, what about your freedom?
GENIE: Hey, it's only an eternity of servitude. This is
love. (He leans down next to her.) Al, you're
not gonna find another girl like her in a million
years. Believe me, I know. I've looked.
ALADDIN: Jasmine, I do love you, but I've got to stop
pretending to be something I'm not.
JASMINE: I understand.
(They take one final look into each other's eyes, then ALADDIN turns
to the GENIE.)
ALADDIN: Genie, I wish for your freedom.
GENIE: One bona fide prince pedigree coming up. I--what?
ALADDIN: (He holds the lamp up to GENIE.) Genie, you're
free!
(A transformation scene ensues, in which the shackles fall off
GENIE's wrist and the lamp falls uselessly to the ground.
GENIE picks it up and looks at it.)
GENIE: (He can't believe it.) Heh, heh! I'm free. I'm
free. (He hands the lamp to ALADDIN.) Quick,
quick, wish for something outrageous. Say "I want
the Nile." Wish for the Nile. Try that!
ALADDIN: I wish for the Nile.
GENIE: No way!! (Laughs hysterically. He bounces around
the balcony like a pinball.) Oh does that feel
good! I'm free! I'm free at last! I'm hittin'
the road. I'm off to see the world! I--
(He is packing a suitcase, but looks down and sees ALADDIN looking
very sad.)
ALADDIN: Genie, I'm--I'm gonna miss you.
GENIE: Me too, Al. No matter what anybody says, you'll
always be a prince to me.
(They hug. The SULTAN steps forward.)
SULTAN: That's right. You've certainly proven your worth
as far as I'm concerned. It's that law that's the
problem.
JASMINE: Father?
SULTAN: Well, am I sultan or am I sultan? From this day
forth, the princess shall marry whomever she deems
worthy.
JASMINE: (She smiles widely and runs into ALADDIN's arms.)
Him! I choose...I choose you, Aladdin.
ALADDIN: Ha, ha. Call me Al.
(They are about to kiss when giant blue hands pull everybody together.
GENIE is decked out in a Hawaiian shirt with golf clubs and a Goofy
hat.)
GENIE: Oh, all of ya. Come over here. Big group hug!
Mind if I kiss the monkey? (He kisses ABU.) Ooh,
hairball! Well, I can't do any more damage around
this popsicle stand. I'm outta here! Bye, bye,
you two crazy lovebirds. Hey, Rugman: ciao! I'm
history! No, I'm mythology! No, I don't care
what I am--I'm free!
(The GENIE flies up into the blue sky leaving a trail of sparkles
behind him. They cut (a jump cut to make matters worse)
to fireworks exploding over a nightscape. We tilt down and see
ALADDIN and JASMINE flying on CARPET.)
ALADDIN: A whole new world
JASMINE: A whole new life
BOTH: (with off-camera chorus) For you and me!
MEN'S CHORUS: A whole new world!
Nala: I'ts back on!
Pumbaa: I didn't get my tale!
White Rabbit: Huh... your majesty... members of the jury... loyal subjects...
King: A-hem...
White Rabbit: ...and the king. The prisoner at the bar is charged with enticing her majesty, the Queen of Hearts, into a game of croquet, and thereby willfully...
Alice: But...
White Rabbit: ...and with malice aforethought, teasing, tormenting, and otherwise annoying arb...
Queen: Don't mind all that! Get to the part where I loose my temper.
White Rabbit: Bwbwbwl... thereby causing the queen to loose her temper.
Queen: Now, Ha ha... are you ready for your sentence?
Alice: Sentence? Ah, but there must be a verdict first!
Queen: Sentence first! Verdict afterwards.
Alice: But that just isn't the way!
Queen: All ways are...
Alice: Your ways, your majesty.
Queen: Yes, my child. Off with her...
King: Consider, my dear. Uh... we called no witnesses... Uh... couldn't we... uh... maybe one or two? Ha?
Maybe?
Queen: Oh, very well. But get on with it!
King: First witness! First witness! Ah, we'll call the first witness.
White Rabbit: The March Hare. Oh, oh, what do you know about this uh... unfortunate affair?
March Hare: Nothing.
Queen: Nothing whatever?
March Hare: Nothing whatever!
Queen: That's very important! Jury, write that down!
Alice: Unimportant, uh... your majesty means of course...
Queen: Silence! Next witness.
White Rabbit: The Dormouse!
Queen: Well...
Cards: Shhh!
Queen: What have you to say about this?
Dormouse: Twinkle, twinkle, little bat. How I wonder...
Queen: That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet. Write that down!
Jury: Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle...
Alice: Twinkle, twinkle. What next?
White Rabbit: The Mad Hatter!
Mad Hatter: Oh... he he he he!
Queen: Off with your hat!
Mad Hatter: Oh, my! He he he!
King: And eh... where were you when this horrible crime was committed?
Mad Hatter: I was home, drinking tea. Today you know is my unbirthday.
King: Why, my dear! Today is your unbirthday too!
Queen: It is?
March Hare & Mad Hatter: It is?
Cards: It is?
Mad Hatter, March Hare and Cards: A very merry unbirthday!
Queen: To me?
Alice: Oh no!
Mad Hatter, March Hare and Cards: To you! A very merry unbirthday!
Queen: For me?
Mad Hatter, March Hare and Cards: For you!
Mad Hatter: Now blow the candle off, my dear and make your wish come true! He he he.
Mad Hatter, March Hare and Cards: A very merry unbirthday, to you!
Alice: Oh! Your majesty!
Queen: Oh, yes, my dear?
Alice: Look! There he is now!
Queen: He? Where? Who?
Alice: The Cheshire Cat!
Queen: Cat?
Dormouse: Cat! Cat? Cat cat cat cat!
March Hare: Hang on, hang on!
Mad Hatter: This is terrible!
Dormouse: Cat cat cat cat!
Mad Hatter: Help! Help!
King: Catch him! Stand in!
March Hare: Catch him! Catch him! Go for it!
Mad Hatter: Help him! Catch him! Give me the jam, the jam!
King: The jam! The jam! By order of the king!
Mad Hatter: The jam!
Queen: Let me have it! Somebody's head is going to roll for this! A-ha!
Alice: The mushroom!
Queen: Off with her h...hmpf!
Alice: Oh, pooh. I'm not afraid of you! Why, you're nothing but a pack of cards!
Cards: Huh?
King: Rule forty-two: all persons more than a mile high must leave the court immediately.
Alice: I'm not a mile high. And I'm not leaving.
Queen: Hehehe... sorry! Rule forty-two, you know.
Alice: And as for you, your majesty! Your majesty indeed! Why, you're not a queen, but just a fat, pompous, bad tempered old ty- tyrant...
Queen: Hmhmhmhm... and uh... what were you saying, my dear?
Cheshire Cat: Well, she simply said that you're a fat, pompous, bad tempered old tyrant, hahahaha!
Queen: Off with her head!
King: You heard what her majesty said! Off with her head! ...
Timon: I can not believe the King agrees with the Queen.
Pumbaa: Can I tell my tale now?
Nala: Why not.
Pumbaa: Okay
BEAST: Maybe it's better this way.
BELLE: Don't talk like that. You'll be all right. We're together now.
Everything's going to be fine. You'll see.
BEAST: At least I got to see you one... last...time.
(BELLE pulls BEAST's paw up to her cheek. He holds it there for a second, then
drops it. His head falls back, and his eyes close. BELLE drops the paw and
puts
her hands to her mouth. She can't believe this has happened.)
BELLE: (Crying) No, no! Please! Please! Please don't leave me! I love
you!
(Cut to OBJECTS, who watch the last petal fall off the rose. They all look down
at the floor, and COGSWORTH puts his arm around MRS. POTTS. Cut back to BELLE
and BEAST. The rain continues to fall. But one beam of light falls, like a
shooting star. Then another comes. And another, and another. BELLE finally
notices what is happening. She stops crying for a second, then starts to back
away. We cut A fog begins to enshroud BEAST. We see the OBJECTS looking on in
extreme anticipation. BEAST rises up into the air magically and begins to
turn.
He is enveloped in a cloud of light, and becomes wrapped in his cloak.
Underneath, we can see BEAST's body shifting and forming. A fore paw comes out
and the claws turn into fingers. A hind paw emerges and develops into a foot.
Finally, a wind blows across his face and the fur melts away to reveal a young
prince. He gradually descends and is laid on the floor again. The fog
disappears and BELLE reaches out to touch him. She jerks her hand back,
however, when the figure begins to move. It stands, then looks at it's hands,
then turns to face BELLE. It is a human, with the same blue eyes as BEAST. It
is obviously BEAST, transformed. BELLE gives him a mysterious look.)
PRINCE: Belle! It's me!
(She continues to look at him skeptically,but then she sees the blue eyes, and
instantly knows it is him.)
BELLE: It is you!
(They kiss. A fireworks display explodes around them. The gloom surrounding
the castle disappears, revealing a blue sky. The castle is transformed, with
the gargoyles changing into cherubs. Finally, we return to the balcony, where
the OBJECTS hop out to meet the PRINCE and BELLE. One by one, they are
transformed back to their original human conditions.)
PRINCE: Lumiere! Cogsworth! Oh, Mrs. Potts! Look at us!
(CHIP comes riding in on FOOTSTOOL.)
CHIP: Mama! Mama! (The pair transforms back into a boy and dog.)
MRS. POTTS: (Picking up her boy) Oh my goodness!
LUMIERE: It is a miracle!
(The PRINCE picks up BELLE and swings her around. The ruffles of her skirt
wipe
to the ballroom, where all are gathered to celebrate. The PRINCE and BELLE
dance around the room as the rest of the characters get in their last lines.)
LUMIERE: Ah, l'amour. (He says this, and a maid, obviously the former
FEATHERDUSTER walks by, brushing him on the chin.) Heh heh! (He
starts to chase after her, but COGSWORTH stops him.)
COGSWORTH: Well, Lumiere, old friend. Shall we let bygones be bygones?
LUMIERE: Of course, mon ami. I told you she would break the spell.
COGSWORTH: I beg your pardon, old friend, but I believe I told you.
LUMIERE: No you didn't. I told you.
COGSWORTH: You most certainly did not, you pompous parrafin-headed
pea-brain!
LUMIERE: En garde, you overgrown pocket watch! (He takes off his glove and
slaps COGSWORTH across the face with it. They begin to fight.
Cut to BELLE and the PRINCE who continue to dance around the
floor. The camera stops on MRS. POTTS, CHIP and MAURICE, who
is beginning to cry.)
CHIP: Are they gonna live happily ever after, mama?
MRS. POTTS: Of course, my dear. Of course.
CHIP: (Looks happy for a moment, then puzzled.) Do I still have to
sleep in the cupboard?
(MAURICE laughs and MRS. POTTS hugs her child and laughs. Cut to a camera
looking over the entire ballroom with all in the shot. It slowly zooms out
with
BELLE and the PRINCE dancing around the room, and fades into the final stained
glass window, this one with BELLE and the PRINCE in the center, surrounded by
the rest of the characters.)
CHORUS: Certain as the sun
Rising in the east
Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the beast!
Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the beast!
Nala: So now is it my turn?
Simba: Yep.
Nala: Right.
Jim | Hey, what�s going on here? |
Dog Catcher | Just pickin� up a stray mister. Come on! Get up! Caught him attackin� a baby! |
Jim | Good heavens! |
Darling | My baby! |
Jim | Aunt Sarah! |
Darling | Aunt Sarah! Aunt Sarah! |
Jim | Aunt Sarah! |
Darling | Aunt Sarah! |
Jock | I was certain he was no good the moment I first laid eyes on him. |
Trusty | Yeah, but, uh, I never thought he�d do a thing like that. |
Aunt Sarah | Thank goodness I got there in time. There they were, crib overturned� |
Jim | I�m sure there must be some mistake. I know Lady wouldn�t�Lady rushes over to the curtains and barks louder |
Aunt Sarah | Watch out! That dog�s loose! Keep her away! |
Jim | Nonsense. She�s trying to tell us something. What is it old girl? What are you trying�? Jim lifts a corner of the courtain and there lay the dead rat. Then, they understand everythingDarling! Aunt Sarah! Come here! |
Aunt Sarah | What is it, Jim? A rat! Outside, Trusty and Jock have heard the news. So they decide not to waste any time on going after the dog catcher to stop him. |
Trusty | A rat! We should have known. |
Jock | I misjudged him�badly. |
Trusty | Come on. We have to stop that wagon. |
Jock | But man, we don�t know which way they�ve gone. |
Trusty | We�ll track �em down. |
Jock | A-a-and then? |
Trusty | We�ll hold �em. Hold �em at bay |
Jock | Now what? |
Trusty | The scent. Follow the scent. |
Jock | Let�s face it man. We both know you�ve lost your sense of smell. Using Trusty�s nonexistent sense of smell, they try to track down the wagon, and miraculously they do, racing after it with Jim dear and Darling not far behind in a cab. They succeed in stopping the wagon and saving Tramp, but in the excitement the wagon overturns, crushing poor Trusty |
Dog Catcher | Go on! Get outta here! Go on you! Get away! Go on! Get away! Watch it now! Watch it! Watch it! |
Tramp | Hi Pige! Both smile to each other |
It�s Christmas time again: Jim Dear and Darling have quite a time getting them all in a Christmas picture, all holding still at the same time. The baby�s grown up and Lady and the Tramp have a litter of naughty puppies. | |
Jim | All right everybody! Watch the birdie! Steady now. Hold it! I guess I used a little too much. Uh-oh, Darling. Visitors. |
Darling | Visitors? Why, it�s Jock! |
Jim | And good old Trusty. |
Yes, the poor old Trusty has only suffered a broken leg and he has a cast on it. | |
Jock | Careful man. Careful. It�s a wee bit slippery. |
Trusty | Yes, yes. |
Tramp | All right boy! We�ll let them in. |
Darling | No, no, not you, young man. You�re going to take a nap. |
Jim | Well, merry Christmas. Come in. Come in. If you just step in the parlour I�ll see about refreshments. Oh darling, where did you put the dog biscuits? You know, the box Aunt Sarah sent for Christmas. |
Darling | In the kitchen, Jim Dear. |
Trusty | Oh no doubt about it. They�ve got their mother�s eyes. |
Jock | Aye. But there�s a bit of their father in �em too. Well and I see you finally acquired a collar. |
Tramp | Oh yes, complete with licence. |
Trusty | Oh yeah, a new collar. Caught the scent the moment I came in the house. |
Jock | Trusty I says. Trusty somebody�s wearin� a new collar. |
Trusty | Of course, now my sense of smell is very highly developed. Runs in the family, you know? |
Jock | There�ll be no livin� with him from now on |
Timon: I like that one too!
Simba: What should we do?
Pumbaa: I don't know.
Nala: Should we see what Alice is doing?
Timon: Okay!
All: Forward, backward, inward, outward, here we go again! No one ever looses and no one can ever win. Backward, forward, outward, inward, bottom to the top, there's...
Queen: Off with her head! Off with her head!
March Hare: Just a moment! You can't leave a tea party without having a cup of tea, you know!
Alice: But- but I can't stop now!
March Hare: Ah, but we insist! You must join us in a cup of tea!
Queen: Off with her head!
Alice: Mister Caterpillar! What will I do?
Caterpillar: Who are you?
Alice: Cough-cough! Cough-cough!
Queen: There she goes! Don't let her get away! Off with her head!
Doorknob: Awww! Still locked, you know.
Alice: But the Queen! I simply must get out!
Doorknob: Oh, but you are outside.
Alice: What?
Doorknob: See for yourself!
Alice: Why, why that's me! I'm asleep!
Queen: Don't let her get away! Off with her head!
Alice: Alice, wake up! Please wake up, Alice! Alice! Please wake up, Alice! Alice! Alice! Alice!
Simba: What should we do?
Timon: Do your number!
Simba: Oh yeah!
[Simba:] I'm gonna be a mighty king
So enemies beware!
[Zazu:] Well, I've never seen a king of beasts
With quite so little hair
[Simba:] I'm gonna be the mane event
Like no king was before
I'm brushing up on looking down
I'm working on my ROAR
[Zazu:] Thus far, a rather uninspiring thing
[Simba:] Oh, I just can't wait to be king!
[Zazu: (Speaking)] You've rather a long way to go,
young master, if you think...
[Simba:] No one saying do this
[Zazu:] Now when I said that, I--
[Nala:] No one saying be there
[Zazu:] What I meant was...
[Simba:] No one saying stop that
[Zazu:] Look, what you don't realize...
[Simba and Nala:] No one saying see here
[Zazu:] Now see here!
[Simba:] Free to run around all day
[Zazu:] Well, that's definitely out...
[Simba:] Free to do it all my way!
[Zazu:] I think it's time that you and I
Arranged a heart to heart
[Simba:] Kings don't need advice
From little hornbills for a start
[Zazu:] If this is where the monarchy is headed
Count me out!
Out of service, out of Africa
I wouldn't hang about... aagh!
This child is getting wildly out of wing
[Simba:] Oh, I just can't wait to be king!
Everybody look left
Everybody look right
Everywhere you look I'm
Standing in the spotlight!
[Zazu: (Speaking, but in strict time)] Not yet!
[Chorus:] Let every creature go for broke and sing
Let's hear it in the herd and on the wing
It's gonna be King Simba's finest fling
[Simba & Chorus:] Oh I just can't wait to be king!
Oh I just can't wait to be king!
Oh I just can't waaaaaait ... to be king!
Simba: Now do yours!
Timon and Pumbaa: Sure!
[Timon:]
Hakuna Matata!
What a wonderful phrase
[Pumbaa:]
Hakuna Matata!
Ain't no passing craze
[Timon:]
It means no worries
For the rest of your days
[Both:]
It's our problem-free
Philosophy
[Timon:]
Hakuna Matata!
[Spoken section over background]
[Simba:] Hakuna matata?
[Pumbaa:] Yeah, it's our motto.
[Simba:] What's a motto?
[Timon:] Nothing! What's a motto with you? Ahh ha ha ha...
[Pumbaa: {Laughing}] You know what, kid?
These two words will
solve all your problems.
[Timon:] That's right! Take Pumbaa for example.
[Back into song]
[Timon:]
Why, when he was a young warthog...
[Pumbaa: {Italian counter-tenor range}]
When I was a young wart hoooog!
[Timon: {Speaking, cleaning ear}] Very nice.
[Pumbaa:] Thanks!
[Timon: {Singing}]
He found his aroma lacked a certain appeal
He could clear the savannah after every meal
[Pumbaa:]
I'm a sensitive soul, though I seem thick-skinned
And it hurt that my friends never stood downwind
And oh, the shame
[Timon:] He was ashamed!
Thoughta changin' my name
{Oh, what's in a name?}
And I got downhearted
{How did you feel?}
Ev'rytime that I...
[Timon: {Speaking}] Pumbaa! Not in front of the kids!
[Pumbaa: {Speaking}] Oh... sorry.
[Pumbaa and Timon:]
Hakuna Matata!
What a wonderful phrase
Hakuna Matata!
Ain't no passing craze
[Simba:]
It means no worries
For the rest of your days
[Timon:]
Yeah, sing it, kid!
[Simba and Timon:]
It's our problem-free ...........
[Pumbaa:]
..................... philosophy...
[All three:]
Hakuna Matata!
Nala: Let's watch the rest. Not that much.
Sister: Alice! Alice! Will you kindly pay attention and recite your lesson?
Alice: Huh? Oh. Oh! Uh... how doth the little crocodile, improve his shining tail. And pour the waters of the...
Sister: Alice, what are you talking about?
Alice: Oh, I'm sorry, but you see, the Caterpillar said...
Sister: Caterpillar? Oh, for goodness sake. Alice, I... Oh, well. Come along, it's time for tea.
Zazu: Okay, time to wrap it up!
Simba: Right. But there is just one person that I want to help us.
Timon: Who?
Simba: Hold On.
Genie: Made You Look!
Nala: One last thing we should do.
All: What?
Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves
Scheherezad-ie had a thousand tales
But master you in luck 'cause up your sleeves
You got a brand of magic never fails
You got some power in your corner now
Some heavy ammunition in your camp
You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how
See all you gotta do is rub that lamp
And I'll say
Mister Aladdin, sir
What will your pleasure be?
Let me take your order
Jot it down
You ain't never had a friend like me
No no no
Life is your restaurant
And I'm your maitre d'
C'mon whisper what it is you want
You ain't never had a friend like me
Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service
You're the boss
The king, the shah
Say what you wish
It's yours! True dish
How about a little more Baklava?
Have some of column "A"
Try all of column "B"
I'm in the mood to help you dude
You ain't never had a friend like me
Can your friends do this?
Do your friends do that?
Do your friends pull this out their little hat?
Can your friends go, poof?
Well, looky here
Can your friends go, Abracadabra, let 'er rip
And then make the sucker disappear?
So doncha sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed
I'm here to answer all your midday prayers
You got me bona fide, certified
You got a genie for your chare d'affaires
I got a powerful urge to help you out
So what-cha wish? I really wanna know
You got a list that's three miles long, no doubt
Well, all you gotta do is rub like so - and oh
Mister Aladdin, sir, have a wish or two or three
I'm on the job, you big nabob
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend like me
You ain't never had a friend like me, hah!
Make way for Prince Ali
Say hey! It's Prince Ali
Hey! Clear the way in the old Bazaar
Hey you!
Let us through!
It's a bright new star!
Oh Come!
Be the first on your block to meet his eye!
Make way!
Here he comes!
Ring bells! Bang the drums!
Are you gonna love this guy!
Prince Ali! Fabulous he!
Ali Ababwa
Genuflect, show some respect
Down on one knee!
Now, try your best to stay calm
Brush up your sunday salaam
The come and meet his spectacular coterie
Prince Ali!
Mighty is he!
Ali Ababwa
Strong as ten regular men, definitely!
He faced the galloping hordes
A hundred bad guys with swords
Who sent those goons to their lords?
Why, Prince Ali
He's got seventy-five golden camels
Purple peacocks
He's got fifty-three
When it comes to exotic-type mammals
Has he got a zoo?
I'm telling you, it's a world-class menagerie
Prince Ali! Handsome is he, Ali Ababwa
That physique! How can I speak
Weak at the knee
Well, get on out in that square
Adjust your veil and prepare
To gawk and grovel and stare at Prince Ali!
There's no question this Ali's alluring
Never ordinary, never boring
Everything about the man just plain impresses
He's a winner, he's a whiz, a wonder!
He's about to pull my heart asunder!
And I absolutely love the way he dresses!
He's got ninety-five white Persian monkeys
(He's got the monkeys, let's see the monkeys)
And to view them he charges no fee
(He's generous, so generous)
He's got slaves, he's got servants and flunkies
(Proud to work for him)
They bow to his whim love serving him
They're just lousy with loyalty to Ali! Prince Ali!
Prince Ali!
Amorous he! Ali Ababwa
Heard your princess was a sight lovely to see
And that, good people, is why he got dolled up and dropped by
With sixty elephants, llamas galore
With his bears and lions
A brass band and more
With his forty fakirs, his cooks, his bakers
His birds that warble on key
Make way for prince Ali!
When you get in trouble and you don't know right from wrong,
give a little whistle!
Give a little whistle!
When you meet temptation and the urge is very strong,
give a little whistle!
Give a little whistle!
Not just a little squeak,
pucker up and blow.
And if your whistle's weak, yell "Juminy Cricket!"
Take the straight and narrow path
and if you start to slide,
give a little whistle!
Give a little whistle!
And always let your conscience be your guide
I've got no strings
To hold me down
To make me fret, or make me frown
I had strings
But now I'm free
There are no strings on me
Hi-ho the me-ri-o
That's the only way to go
I want the world to know
Nothing ever worries me
Hi-ho the me-ri-o
I'm as happy as can be
I want the world to know
Nothing ever worries me
I've got no strings
So I have fun
I'm not tied up to anyone
They've got strings
But you can see
There are no strings on me
Dutch puppet
You have no strings
Your arms is free
To love me by the Zuider Zee
Ya, ya, ya
If you would woo
I'd bust my strings for you
French puppet
You've got no strings
Comme ci comme ca
Your savoire-faire is ooh la la!
I've got strings
But entre nous
I'd cut my strings for you
Russian puppet
Down where the Volga flows
There's a Russian rendezvous
Where me and Ivan go
But I'd rather go with you, hey!
Timon: What? You thought it was over?
Nala: Did we fool you?
Simba: The show must go on! And on and on. It never ends!
Timon: Hey, should we order pizza?
Nala: I will call.
PIZZA DELIVERER (O.S.)
C'mon, man, hurry up. Um, like the
pizza's are getting cold here.
Woody and Buzz eye the parked delivery truck from within the
safety of a nearby oilcan display.
BUZZ
Now you're sure this spacefreighter
will return to its port of origin
once it jettisons its food supply?
WOODY
Uh-huh. And when we get there,
we'll be able to find a way to
transport you...home.
BUZZ
Well, then let's climb abroad.
Buzz makes a beeline for the passenger side door of the
pizza truck. Woody chases after him.
WOODY
No, no, no, wait, Buzz, Buzz, let's
get in the back. No one will see
us there.
BUZZ
Negative. There are no restraining
harnesses in the cargo area. We'll
be much safer in the cockpit.
In a flash, Buzz has scaled the front tire, grabbed the rear
view mirror, and swung himself up and into the cab.
WOODY
(loud whisper)
Yeah, but, Buzz! Buzz!
PIZZA DELIVERER (O.S.)
Ok, so that's two lefts, and then a
right, huh?
ATTENDANT (O.S.)
Yeah.
PIZZA DELIVERER (O.S.)
Okay, thanks for the directions.
Pumbaa: Mmmm! This is tasty!
Simba: Yes, but where did he get the pizza car?
Nala: Speaking of cars, I've got a tale!
Folks: Fix the road!
Sally: Because we are a town worth fixing!
Folks: Yeah!!!
Doc: Order in the court! Seems like my mind has been changed for me.
Folks: Yeah!!
McQueen: No!
Filmore: Nice rulin'.
McQueen: Ohh, I am so not take you to dinner.
Sally: That's OK, Stickers. You can take Bessie.
Mater: Oh man, you got to work with Bessie! I'd give my left two lug nuts for somethin' like that.
McQueen: Bessie? Who's Bessie?
Doc: This here is Bessie, finest road-pavin' machine ever built. I'm hereby sentencing you to community service. You're gonna fix the road under my supervision.
McQueen: What? This place is crazy!
Mater: Hey, I know this may be a bad time right now, but tha, you owe me $32,000 in legal fees.
McQueen: What?
Doc: So we're gonna hitch you up to sweet Bessie, and you're gonna pull her nice.
McQueen: You're gotta be kidding me.
Doc: You start there where the road begins, you finish down there where the road ends.
Mater: Holy shoot!
McQueen: Whoa, whoa, whoa! How long is this gonna take?
Doc: Well, fella does it right, should take him about five days.
McQueen: Five days? But I should be in California schmoozing Dinoco right now!
Doc: Then if I were you, I'd quit yappin and start workin'! Hook him up, Mater.
Mater: Okay-dokey.
McQueen: Freedom!!
Mater: Maybe I should've-a hooked him up to Bessie...and then-a...then took the boot off.
McQueen: Wuuuhuuu! Goodbye, Radiator Springs, and goodbye, Bessie! California, here I come! Yeah! Oh, fell that wind. Yes! No,no,no,no! Outta gas? How can I be outta gas?
Sheriff: Hahaha. Boy, we ain't as dumb as you think we are.
McQueen: But,but,but how did, how did...you...?
Sally: We siphoned your gas while you were passed out. Ka-chow.
McQueen: Auw,auw,auw,auw,auwww!!
Sheriff: Hahaha.
Sheriff: Gentlemen.
Sarge: Sheriff.
Filmore: Hai, Sheriff.
Luigi: Why the tires are here?
Guido: Sono sempre stati qui.
Luigi: They were better well before.
Guido: Stai sempre a parlare.
Luigi: Guido!
Lizzie: Red, can you move over? I want to get look at that sexy hot rod.
Mater: You know, I used to be a purty good whistler. I can't do it now of course, on account of sometimes I get fluid built up in my engine block, but Doc said he's gonna fix it dough. He can fix about anything. That's why we made him the judge. Boy, you shoulda heard me on Giddy-up, Oom Papa Mow Mow. Now, I'm not one to brag, but people come purty far to see me get low on the "Mow-Mow".
McQueen: Ah? Ah, man, that's just great!
Mater: Hey, what's wrong?
McQueen: My lucky sticker's all dirty.
Mater: Thaah, that ain't nothin'. I'll clean it for ya.
McQueen: No,no,no! That wouldn't be necessary. Hey! Hey, big fella! Yeah, you in the red! I could use a little hose down. Help me wash this off. What, where's he goin'?
Mater: Oh, he's still a little bit shy, and he hates you for killin' his flowers.
McQueen: I shouldn't have to put up with this. I'm a precision instrument of speed and aerodynamics.
Mater: You hurt your what?
McQueen: I'm a very famous racecar!
Luigi: You are a famous racecar? A real racecar?
McQueen: Yes, I'm a real racecar. What do you think? Look at me.
Luigi: I have followed racing my entire life of my whole life!
McQueen: Then you know who I am. I'm Lightning McQueen.
Luigi: Lightening McQueen!
McQueen: Yes! Yes!
Luigi: I must scream it to the world! My excitement from the top of someplace very high! Do you know many Ferraris?
McQueen: No,no,no. They race on the European circuit. I'm in the Piston Cup! What?
Luigi: Luigi follow only the Ferraris.
Flo: Is that what I think it is?
Sally: Customers. Customers! Customers, everyone! Customers! OK.
Lizzie: Customers?
Sally: All right, everybody calm down for a long time. Just remember what we rehearsed. Make sure your "Open, please come in" signs are out. And you all know what to do. All right, nobody panics. Here we go!
Minny: Van, I just don't see any on-ramp anywhere.
Van: Minny, I know exactly where we are.
Minny: Yeah, we're in the middle of nowhere.
Van: Honey, please.
Sally: Hello. Welcome to Radiator Springs, gateway to Ornament Valley. Legendary for it's quality service and friendly hospitality. How can we help you?
Van: We don't need anything, thank you very much.
Minny: Whoa, honey ask her direction to the Interstate.
Van: There's no need to ask for directions. Minny, I know exactly where we're going.
Minny: He did the same thing on our trip to Shakopee. You know, we were headed over there for the Crazy Days, and we...
Van: OK,OK. Really. We're just peachy, OK?
Filmore: What you really need is the sweet taste of my homemade, organic fuel.
Van: No, it doesn't agree with my tank.
Timon: Yeah, I love that Pixar movie.
Simba: Hey, remember Shrek?
Nala: Oh yeah, thats a good one!
DONKEY
(quietly) Mmm, yeah, you know I like
it like that. Come on, baby. I said
I like it.
SHREK
Donkey, wake up. (shakes him)
DONKEY
Huh? What?
SHREK
Wake up.
DONKEY
What? (stretches and yawns)
FIONA
Good morning. Hm, how do you like your
eggs?
DONKEY
Oh, good morning, Princess!
Fiona gets up and sets the eggs down in front of them.
SHREK
What's all this about?
FIONA
You know, we kind of got off to a bad
start yesterday. I wanted to make it
up to you. I mean, after all, you did
rescue me.
SHREK
Uh, thanks.
Donkey sniffs the eggs and licks his lips.
FIONA
Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead
of us. (walks off)
LATER
They are once again on their way. They are walking through the
forest. Shrek belches.
DONKEY
Shrek!
SHREK
What? It's a compliment. Better out
than in, I always say. (laughs)
DONKEY
Well, it's no way to behave in front
of a princess.
Fiona belches
FIONA
Thanks.
Pumbaa: Yeah, ummm... I've got a song that goes with that part of the flashback.
Ever Ever After
Storybook endings
Fairy tales coming true
Deep down inside
We wanna believe they still do
In our secretest heart
Its our favorite part of the story
Let's just admit we all wanna make it to
Ever ever after
If we just don't get it our own way
Ever ever after
It may only be a wish away
Start a new fashion
Wear your heart on your sleeve
Sometimes you reach what's realest by making believe
Unafraid, Unashamed
There is joy to be claimed in this world
You even might wind up being glad to be you
Ever ever after
Though the world will tell you its not smart
Ever ever after
The world can be yours if you let your heart believe in ever after
No wonder your heart feels its flying
Your head feels its spinning
Each happy ending's a brand new beginning
Let yourself be enchanted
You just might break through to
Ever ever after
Forever could even start today
Ever ever after
Maybe its just one wish away
Your ever ever after
Ever Ever Ever After
oh Ever Ever After
Simba: Isn't that from Enchanted?
Pumbaa: It means it represents Shrek.
Nala: Hey! Let's tell more Hannah Montana tales!
Simba: My turn!
LILY
"My Rico is the love monkey who carries me off into a magical jungle of romance"?...I can't say this, I got last nights lasagne coming up just thinking about it.
RICO
And I hope you like flunking math(not sure about that!!!)
LILY
You're an evil little monkey, aren't you!
RICO
And loving it! (Dances away full of joy)
Miley walks over and joins Lily.
Oh look, it's the Rico blackmail dance. What's he got on you?
LILY (Fumed)
I have to pretend to be Ricos girlfriend so he'll tutor me in math.
MILEY
Been there.(shudder) BUT, if it helps at all, my life, is fantastic!
LILY
That helps me how?
MILEY
Well, good morning selfish-sally!
Jacksons amnesia is the best thing that is ever happened to me. This morning he made me breakfest, cleaned my room and made my bed...all while my nails dried
LILY
He did your nails?
MILEY
Both sets and he pumiced, feel my heels (Lily rubs Mileys heels) Like a babies butt, huh?
Miley is looking behind her back and is seeing a cute guy coming in from the beach
MILEY
Oh my gosh. Look, it's Gabe Lamotti!
LILY
Huh? Hottie Lamotti with the swimmers body?
MILEY
Oh my gosh, he is looking at me! I have been giving subtle hints for two years!
At the school floor. Miley is putting her bag in her locker and Jackson is standing right next to her with a little bag in his hand
JACKSON
Here's your lunch, grilled ham and cheese cut in the shape of a heart! (Miley is looking at him pretty annoyed) Cause I love you!
As two students pass they laugh at Miley.
MILEY
Go away! (Closes her locker and walks away from Jackson)
JACKSON (following her)
Oh, don't worry I used soy cheese, you know how dairy cheese makes the Miley-train go. Toot Toot! (makes an armswing as he pulls on a trucks horn)
Miley looks angry, Jackson walks away and passes Lily through the corridor.
JACKSON
Hey Lily, don't you look cute as a button! (Lily looks very confused at Miley as she walks over)
MILEY
He is suffocating me!
The bell rings for classes to start.
LILY
Yeah! Well I'd still take your amnesia brother over evil little monkey love, yukety-yuck, gross, disgusting... (the two are walking in their class - CUT - coming back out of their class) ...slimy, repulsive, bottom-feeding, ferret-faced little math freak.
MILEY
Well other than that, hubba-hubba right?
Gabe walks over
GABE
Hey Miley, we got kind of interrupted yesterday.
MILEY
Babe (correcting herself; shy)...Gabe...Hi!
JACKSON (squeezes himself between Miley and Gabe)
Babe...Gabe...BYE! Your handsome is not welcome here.
GABE
Wow. No girl is worth this (pointing on Jackson as he walks away)
JACKSON (yelling after him)
Yeah, Yeah just keep on walking and that goes for every b-slide babe magnet in this school. That means you and you... (points on some random guys standing in the background) not so much you...but...(to another guy who walks through the scene)
Miley stands there with her mouth open, obviously she can't believe what Jackson just did
JACKSON
MILEY (shocked, grabs Lily who looks ashamed to the floor)
It's nose-whistle Wallie!
Hi Miley!
Miley laughs ashamed
JACKSON
4.1 pre-accepted into harvard and he comes from money.
School bell rings
WALLIE
I'll call you later. (walks away and seems to be happy)
JACKSON
Can I pick 'em or what?
BARBIE
Until we met, my life was an empty pit of despair. I love you Angus! (lays her head on his shoulder)
ANGUS
Right back at you my Didgeridoo.
RICO
Yeah, yeah. Touching! Get a load of this. You're on tuts (whispering, then he pushes Lil3y's head onto his shoulder)
LILY
Eh, My Rico is the eh, magical monkey love of my hearts ... (Barbie and Angus look at each other confused) jungle monkey. (finally manages to get her head off his shoulder)
RICO
This is why you're flunkin math. You don't study! (Lily grabs the back of Rico's head and he starts to fake laugh)
ANGUS
You call that romantic? I'll show you romantic! (turns on some salsa music and dances with Barbie)
Lily is looking at them very impressed.
You call that dancing? I'll show you dancing! (turns on his radio, some 60's/70's rock'n roll music. He starts to dancing around awkwardly. Lily looks ashamed as he grabs her from behind). Follow my lead!
LILY
Follow your whaaa...?
A dance competiton between the four of them is taking place. As they dance Rico and Angus both walking backwards and eventually the backs of them are touching. A big Gong sounds! Both are getting ready for a fight. Some typical Matrix moves.
The whole fight is pretty weird with saltos and backspins and highflying jumps...
Finally Rico tosses Angus out of the beach area.
MILEY
JACKSON
What kind of a twisted jerk would do that?
MILEY
The same jerk that made this (points out a dart board). The Hannah Montana dart board, we've got the Hannah Mon-toilet seat (shows him a toilet seat with the face of Hannah Montana and some hairs) and the Hannah Mon-slamma bop bag (a punching ball with a face of Hannah Montana, already with a black eye and a tooth space. Miley hits it!)
Try it, it's fun!
JACKSON
MILEY
Move on, come on!
No, I could never do that!
You hear a scream and a sound of a crashing plane. Angus lands on the Stewart's front porch.
ANGUS
G'day mates! S'cuse me for dropping in, which way to Rico's?
Miley and Jackson both point in the same direction
Good on you, mates! (gives them two thumbs up as he walks off)
Miley and Jackson continue their conversation like nothing has happened
MILEY
JACKSON
I would never do something that immature. Farts aren't funny!
MILEY
Robby enters the room
ROBBY
Mile, what's wrong?
MILEY
(whining) He's gone daddy. Our little boy is gone (hugs her father)
ROBBY
You miss him, huh?
MILEY
More than I ever thought I would. I want my rotten stinkin, pancake stealing brother back.
JACKSON
Well it sure took you long enough (throws a dart arrow at the dart board) Right in the nose just above the Hannah-stache
MILEY
(confused) Jackson?... (happy - to have her brother back) Jackson!... (angry - realises that it was just a prank) Jackson!!!
JACKSON
What do you think this is, an episode of Gilligan's Island?
So this is all a joke? Daddy, I think you know what you gotta do?
ROBBY
Yes I do! Way to go son! (High fives Jackson)
MILEY
(to Robby) Wait wait wait? You were part of this? Why?
ROBBY
To hear you say what you just now said: I want my brother back! I know he drives you crazy sometimes but I think you know now that the brother you have is the brohter you want.
JACKSON
And I did it cause he promised me a car.
MILEY
You are the most selfish, self centered and miserable excuse for a brother in the world.
Jackson makes a gesture and holds out his arms for a hug; Miley embraces him.
MILEY
Welcome back!
Back at the beach outside Rico's. Lily and Barbie are sitting at a table still watching Rico and Angus fighting.
LILY
I don't get it. You seem nice, why do you like that Kangoo-runt
BARBIE
I don't, what I like is passing spanish and the Didgerie-dork promised to tutor me. - Duck - (Rico and Angus run over the table)
LILY
No way. My little Kun-fool promised to tutor me in math - Heads up - (they run over the table again)
BARBIE
You know, I'm pretty good in math...
LILY
And I'm A.P. in Spanish... Hey we don't need them we can tutor each other.
BARBIE
You're on! We should propably tell them the deal is off.
Timon: Lets do a Hannah Montana concert!
You get the limo out front
Hot styles, every shoe, every color.
Yeah, when you're famous it can be kinda fun
It's really you but no one ever discovers
In some way you're just like all your friends
But on stage you're a star
You get the best of both worlds(Both Worlds)
Chill it, i'll take it slow
Then you rock out the show
You get the best of both worlds(Both Worlds)
Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both worlds
The best of both worlds
You go to movie premieres(Is that Orlando Bloom?)
Hear your songs on the radio
Living two lives is a little wierd(Yeah)
But school's cool 'cause nobody knows
Yeah, you get to be a small town girl
But big time when you play your guitar
You get the best of both worlds(Both Worlds)
Chill it, i'll take it slow
Then you rock out the show
You get the best of both worlds(Both Worlds)
Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both You know the best of both worlds
Pictures and autographs
You get your face on all the magazines
The best part is that
You get to be who-ever you want to be
Yeah, the best of both
You've got the best of both
Come on best of both
Who would of thought that a girl like me
Would double life a superstar
Whoa!
You get the best of both worlds(Both Worlds)
Chill it, i'll take it slow
Then you rock out the show
You get the best of both worlds(Both Worlds)
Mix it all together and you know that it's the best
You get the best of both worlds(Both Worlds)
With the shape and the hair
You can go anywhere
You get the best of both worlds(Both Worlds)
Mix it all together, oh yeah
It's so much better 'cause you know you've got the best of both worlds.
If We Were A Movie
Oh, oh,
There ya go again, talkin' cinamatic, yeah, you!
You're charming, got everybody starstruck.
I know how you always seem to go,
for the obvious.
Instead of me, but can I take it and you'll see,
CHORUS
If we were a movie,
you'd be the right guy,
and I'd be the best freind,
that you'd fall in love with in the end.
And we'd be laughin' watchin' the sunset.
Fade to black, show the names, play that happy song,
Wish I could tell you there's a kiss,
Like sunday mornin' in my mind,
I see it, you'll be amazing,
CHORUS
If we were a movie,
you'd be the right guy,(right guy)
and I'd be the best freind,
that you'd fall in love with in the end.
And we'd be laughin' watchin' the sunset.
Fade to black, show the names, play that happy song,
I miss you,
I miss you're smile,
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though we're different now,
You're still here somehow,
My heart won't let you go,
And I need you to know,
I miss you,
Shalalalala,
I miss you
I've Got Nerve
We haven't met,
and that's okay,
cause' you will be askin' for me one day!
Don't wanna wait in line.
The moment is mine believe me.
Don't close your eyes,
cause it's a chance we're takin'
and I think that I can shake it,
CHORUS
I know where I stand,
I know who I am,
I would never run away when life gets bad,
it's everything you see,
every part of me,
gonna get what I deserve,
I've Got Nerve. (I got, I got, I got)
Electrified,
I'm on a wire, gettin' together and we're on fire.
Won't accept you heard,
now I've got you spinnin'
Don't close your mind,
The words I use are open,
and I think that I can show you,
CHORUS
I know where I stand,
I know who I am,
I would never run away when life gets bad,
it's everything you see,
every part of me,
I know I can change the world, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know what you like,
I know what you think,
Not afraid to stare you down until you blink,
it's everything I see,
every part of me,
gonna get what I deserve,
I Got Nerve,
You(You) need to discover,(to discover0
who can make you feel free,
and I, I need to uncover,
the part of you that's reachin' out for me,
Heeeeey!
CHORUS
I know where I stand,
I know who I am,
I would never run away when life gets bad,
it's everything I see,
every part of me,
I know what you like,
I know what you think,
Not afraid to stare you down until you blink,
it's everything I see,
every part of me,
gonna get what I deserve,
I Got Nerve,
Yeah Yeah Yeah
I Got Nerve
I know what you like,
I know what you think,
Not afraid to stare you down until you blink,
it's everything I see,
every part of me,
gonna get what I deserve,
(I Got)
I Got Nerve,
Yeah, Yeah,
So what you see is only half the story,
there's another side of me.
I'm the girl you know, but I'm someone else too.
If you only knew!
It's a crazy life, but I'm alright,
CHORUS
I've got everything I've always wanted,
I'm living the dream.
So yeah everything I've always wanted,
isn't always what it seems.
I'm a lucky girl whose dreams came true,
but underneath it all I'm just like you.
Yeah, Yeah.
Don't wanna be treated differnetly,
I wanna keep it all inside.
Half the time I've got my name in lights,
the other half I'm by your side.
It's a crazy life, but I'm just fine.
CHORUS
I've got everything I've always wanted,
I'm living the dream,
So yeah everything I've always wanted,
isn't always what it seems,
I'm alucky girl whose dreams came true,
but underneth it all I'm just like you.
Yeah, yeah.
Can't you see I'm just an ordinary girl,
Livin' in an extraordinary world.
Tryin' to live, tryin' to learn, tryin' to just be who I am!
Who I am.
CHORUS
I got everything I've always wanted,
I'm living the dream, (the dream)
so yeah everything I've always wanted,
isn't always what it seems,
I'm a lucky girl whose dreams came true,
but underneath it all I'm just like,
yoooooouuuu,
I'm livin' the dream,
so yeah everything I've always wanted,
is it always what it seems I'm a lucky girl,
whose dreams came true,
but underneath it all I'm just like you.
The other side (other side)
The other side (other side)
The other side of me
By day, I play, the part in every way
A simple, sweet, calm and collected
Pretend, my friends,
I'm a connected friend
You make a girl feel disconnected
I'm just like anyone else
Can't you tell
I hold the key (the key) To both realities
The girl that I want you to know
If only I could show
Yeah!
The other side (other side)
The other side (other side)
I want you to see (Yeah!)
The other side (other side)
The other side (other side)
The other side of me
The other side (other side)
The other side (other side)
I want you to see (Aw.. yeah)
The other side (other side)
The other side (other side)
The other side of me
Hey
Get up
Get loud
Start pumpin' up the party now [x2]
It's the same old, same grind
But we don't feel we're wasting time
Not so bored that we can't find a better way
My friends, my kind
No one's gettin' left behind
If they did it'd be a crime
That's why we say
Let the music start a revolution
No time to play it safe
Hey
Get up
Get loud
Start pumpin' up the party now [x2]
They can't
We can
Parents might not understand
Having fun without a plan
But that's what we do
We're all here (Let's go!)
Gotta make this party grow
Together we can make it blow
Right through the roof
The music's gonna start a revolution
Too late to play it safe
Hey
Get up
Get loud
Start pumpin' up the party now [x2]
We don't have to paint by numbers
Let our voice come out from under
Hear it rise
Feel the thunder
It's time to lose control
Hey
Get up
Get loud
Start pumpin' up the party now [x2]
Pumpin' up the party now
Party now, party now
Hey
Get up
Get loud
Start pumpin' up the party now [x4]
Take the world
Shakin', stirrin'
That?s what I've got goin' on
I throw my cares up in the air
And I don't think they're comin' down
Yeah, I love how it feels right now
This is the Life!
Hold on tight!
And this is the dream!
It's all I need!
You never know where you'll find it
And I'm gonna take my time, yeah
I'm still getting it right
This is the Life!
Takin' in a whole new sea
And swimmin' with a new crowd (Crowd)
Breakin' down the old four walls
And building them up from around
Yeah, I love how it feels right now
This is the life! (Life!)
Hold on tight! (Hold on, hold on!)
And this is the dream! (Dream!)
It's all I need! (Hold on!)
You never know where you'll find it
And I'm gonna take my time, yeah
And I'm still getting it right
This is the Life
Gonna follow my own lead, Yeah!
Kick back and feel the breeze!
Nothing but the blue sky!
As far as I can see!
Hold on tight!
And this is the dream!
It's all I need!
You never know where you'll find it
And I'm gonna take my time, yeah
I'm still getting it right
This is the life! (Life! Yeah!)
Hold on tight! (Hold on, hold on!)
And this is the dream! (Dream!)
It's all I need! (Hold on!)
You never know where you'll find it
And I'm gonna take my time, yeah
I'm still getting it right
This is the Life
I
you
I like to turn me up
and show the world
(Oh yeah!)
But this girl just wants to rock
I
I
I can be glamorous
Just like you see in all the magazines
I can be cool as ice
Or anything I want to be
Who said, who said
I can
I say, I say
that I know I can
who said, who said
I wouldn
I say, I say
you aint seen nothing yet
(Oh yeah! Yeah!)
Go on and make some noise
every girl has her choice
to lead their own parade
I do it my way!
I can be soft and sweet
Or louder than the radio
I can be sophisticated
or totally go (totally go...totally go)
Out of control (out of control)
who said, who said
I couldn
I say, I say
that I know I can
who said, who said
I
I say, I say
There
Then get right on track
Cause you control the game
So let
No limitations on imagination.
Imagine that!
(Yeah!)
Who said, who said
I couldn
I say, I say
Time is on my side
who said, who said
I can
I say, I say,
that I can have it all
who said, who said
I can
I say, I say
That I know I can
Who said, who said
I won
I say, I say
You aint seen nothing yet
You aint seen nothing yet
(Whoa!
Yeah!
Who said?
C
Yeah!
That
Everybody makes mistakes... Everybody has those days... 1 2 3 4!
Everybody makes mistakes... Everybody has those days... Everybody knows what what I'm talkin' 'bout... Everybody gets that way... [x2]
Sometimes I'm in a jam
I've gotta make a plan
It might be crazy
I do it anyway
No way to know for sure
I'll figure out a cure
I'm patchin' up the holes
But then it overflows
If I'm not doin' to well
Why be so hard on my self?
[Chorus]
Nobody's Perfect!
I gotta work it!
Again and again 'til I get it right
Nobody's Perfect!
You live and you learn it!
And if I mess it up sometimes...
Nobody's perfect
Sometimes I work a scheme
But then it flips on me
Doesn't turn out how I planned
get stuck in quick sand
No problem, can be solved
Once I get involved
I try to be delicate
Then crash right into it
My intentions are good
Sometimes just misunderstood
[Chorus]
Nobody's perfect!
I gotta work it!
I know in time I'll find a way
Nobody's perfect!
Sometimes I fix things up
And they fall apart again
Nobody's perfect
I might mix things up
But I always get it right in the end
[Talking]
Next time you feel like... it's just one of those days...
when you just can't seem to win
If things don't turn out the way you plan,
FIGURE SOMETHING ELSE OUT!
Don't stay down! Try again! YEAH!
[Singing (x2)]
Everybody makes mistakes.....
everybody has those days.....
everybody knows what, what I'm talkin' 'bout.......
everybody gets that way
Nobody's Perfect!
I gotta work it!
Again and again 'til I get it right!
Nobody's Perfect!
Ya live and ya learn it!
And if I mess it up sometimes...
Nobody's Perfect!
I gotta work it!
I know in time I'll find a way
Nobody's Perfect.
Ya live and ya learn it!
'Cause everybody makes mistakes
Nobody's Perfect!
Nobody's Perfect! No no! Nobody's Perfect!
It's easy to feel like
You're all alone
To feel like nobody knows
The great that you are
The good that's inside you
Is trying so hard to break through
Maybe it's your time to lift off and fly
You won't know if you never try
I will be there with you all of the way
You'll be fine
[Chorus]
Don't let anyone
Tell you that you're not strong enough
Don't give up
There's nothing wrong with just being yourself
That's more than enough
So come on and raise your voice
speak your mind and make some noise
And sing
Hey, hey
Make some noise
Hey, hey, yeah
You want to be known
You want to be heard
And know you are beautiful
You have so much to give
Some change you wanna live
So shout it out and let it show
You have a diamond inside of your heart
A light that shines bright as the stars
Don't be afraid to be all that you are
You'll be fine
[Chorus]
Don't let anyone
Tell you that you're not strong enough
Don't give up
There's nothing wrong with just being yourself
That's more than enough
So come on and raise your voice
speak your mind and make some noise
And sing
Hey, hey
Make some noise
Hey, hey, yeah
[Bridge]
You can't just sit back and watch the world change
What matters is what you've got to say
There's no one else who can stand in your place
So come on it's never too late
Maybe it's your time to lift off and fly
You won't know if you never try
[Chorus]
Don't let anyone
Tell you that you're not strong enough
Don't give up
There's nothing wrong with just being yourself
That's more than enough
So come on and raise your voice
speak your mind and make some noise
And sing
Hey, hey
Make some noise
Hey, hey, yeah
Hey, hey
(Make some noise)
speak your mind and make some noise
And sing hey, yeah
Hey, yeah
Hey, yeah
Make some noise
Hey, yeah
Hey, yeah
Hey, yeah
Make some noise
Hey, yeah
Hey, yeah
Hey, yeah
Make some noise
Hey, yeah
Hey, yeah
Hey, yeah
Make some noise
[Verse 1]
We sign our cards and letters BFF
You've got a million ways to make me laugh
You're lookin' out for me; you've got my back
It's so good to have you around
You know the secrets I could never tell
And when I'm quiet you break through my shell
Don't feel the need to do a rebel yell
Cause you keep my feet on the ground
[Chorus 1]
You're a true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Til it's alright again
You're a true friend
[Verse 2]
You don't get angry when I change the plans
Somehow you're never out of second chances
Won't say "I told you" when I'm wrong again
I'm so lucky that I've found
[Chorus 2]
A true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Til it's alright again
[Bridge]
True friends will go to the end of the earth
Till they find the things you need
Friends hang on through the ups and the downs
Cause they've got someone to believe in
[Chorus 3]
A true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
No need to pretend
You're a true friend
You're here till the end
Pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Til it's alright again
You're a true friend [3x]
Smooth-talking
So rockin'
He's got everything that a girl's wantin'
Guitar cutie
He plays it groovy
And I can't keep myself from doing something stupid
Think I'm really falling for his smile
Get butterflies when he says my name
He's got something special
He's got something special
And when he's looking at me, I wanna get all sentimental
He's got something special
He's got something special
I can hardly breathe, something's been telling me, telling me maybe
He could be the one
He could be the one
He could be the one....
He could be the one
He could be the one
He could be the one...
He's lightning
Sparks are flyin'
Everywhere I go he's always on my mind and
I'm goin' crazy
About him lately
And I can't help myself from how my heart is racing
Think I'm really digging on his vibe
He really blows me away
He's got something special
He's got something special
And when he's looking at me, I wanna get all sentimental
He's got something special
He's got something special
I can hardly breathe, something's been telling me, telling me maybe
He could be the one
He could be the one
He could be the one....
He could be the one
He could be the one
He could be the one...
And he's got a way of making me feel
Like everything I do is
Perfectly fine
The stars are aligned when I'm with him
And I'm so into him...
He's got something special
He's got something special
And when he's looking at me, I wanna get all sentimental
He's got something special
He's got something special
I can hardly breathe, something's been telling me, telling me maybe
He could be the one
He could be the one
He could be the one....
He could be the one
He could be the one
He could be the one...
Maybe it's the things I say
Maybe I should think before I speak
But I thought I knew enough
To know myself and do what's right for me
And these wall I'm building now
You used to bring 'em down
And the tears I'm crying out
You used to wipe away
I thought you said it was easy
Listening to your heart
I thought you said I'd be okay
So why am I breaking apart
Don't wanna be torn [4x]
Don't make me choose between
What I want and what you think I need
'Cause I'll always be your little girl
But even little girls have got to dream
Now it all feels like a fight
You were always on my side
And the lonely I feel now
You used to make it go away
I thought you said it was easy
Listening to your heart
I thought you said I'd be okay
So why am I breaking apart
Don't wanna be torn
Why is this all so confusing
Complicated and consuming
Why does all this make me angry
I wanna go back to being happy
These tears I'm crying now you used to wipe away
I thought you said it was easy
Listening to your heart
I thought you said I'd be okay
So why am I breaking apart
Don't wanna be torn [8x]
Simba: Wow!
Timon: Okay, should we wrap it up NOW?
{ Timon yawns }
{ Nala, Simba and Pumbaa yawn }
Pumbaa: But what about... { he yawns agian. } Yes. Could we do one more concert before we go?
Nala: Why not.
I'm counting the days since I began to live without you
I'm covered in rain but it feels just like it's the sun
And it don't get me down, don't come around
You're better off leaving town
I'm fine here alone now without you
Hey!
I'm screaming at you
Hey!
Don't care enough to write you a letter now that I'm doing better alone
Hey!
I'm screaming at you
Hey!
Don't care enough to write you a letter now that I'm doing better, better off without you
You're stuck in a world and make believe that I can see it
I gave it a chance, she must be crazy not to leave
You're never gonna bring me down, don't come around
You're better off leaving town
I'm fine here alone now without you
Hey!
I'm screaming at you
Hey!
Don't care enough to write you a letter now that I'm doing better alone
Hey!
I'm screaming at you
Hey!
Don't care enough to write you a letter now that I'm doing better, better off without you
Giving it up, now you're taking away
All of the time, now get out of my way
Never been lost in anyone, it's me they want
Without you I'm insane
So hear me now, screaming out your name
Hey!
I'm screaming at you
Hey!
Don't care enough to write you a letter now that I'm doing better alone
Hey!
I'm screaming at you
Hey!
Don't care enough to write you a letter now that I'm doing better, better off without you
Better off without you
Cause I'm better off without you
I'm screaming at you
Hey!
Don't care enough to write you a letter now that I'm doing better, better off wïthout you
I remember you giving me your number when i met you
I remember you asking me if i could walk you home
I remember you said to me you wanna be my girlfriend
It's funny how these things don't last for long
Not funny how I don't know the way to carry on
[Chorus]
Tell me how am i supposed to get you off my mind
When you know i really couldn't even if i tried
But i guess in the mean while
I'm taking you off the speed dial
Tell me how am i supposed to get you off my mind
And every time i hear the song that used to play when you called
I used to wanna sing along but now i wanna die
I don't listen to the radio I'm trying to forget you
It doesn't help because i see you all the time
Your new boyfriend used to be the closest friend of mine
[Chorus]
I'm deleting all the memories
Cause the pictures speak of tragedies
I don't wanna know I'm living in denial
I'm taking you off the speed dial
I'm taking you off the speed dial
[Chorus]
When you know i really couldn't even if i tried
But i guess in the mean while
I'm taking you off the speed dial
Tell me how am i supposed to get you off my mind
I'm taking you off the speed dial
At least for awhile
Do you ever feel like me (like me)
The walls are closing in between
Just breathe (just breathe)
I wait every single moment
Of every day just to see your face
Why can't they just let us be, yeah
CHORUS
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
It's us against the world
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
It's us against the world
I'm never letting go
Come on let's run away
Just take me by the hand
We will make it
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
It's us against the world
Ask me once and i'll leave
Everything for you
Just say the word
You'll see
You'll stay with me
I wait every single moment
Of every day just to see your face
Why can't they let us be
Chorus
Yeah we're racing
Yeah we're racing
Far away from here
Yeah we'll make it
Yeah we'll make it
We'll get there
We'll get there
Yeah we're racing, racing, racing, racing
Far away from here
Yeah we'll make it
Yeah we'll make it
We'll get there
We'll get there
Chorus X2
So you wanna take a ride with me?
Yea you want a break but honestly
No
I'm not gonna save you
And make it all alright
Get down with that
It's going down tonight
First of all you gotta dance with me
And then ill tell you what it's gonna be
Come a little closer
I'm not gonna bite
Come on, come on, lets do it up tonight
[Let's do it up] x2
I don't want your time to be a friend
No
Yea I could tell you now it's gonna end
And don't think you can save me
That it's no me and you
Get down with that I know what we could do
First of all you gotta dance with me
And then ill tell you what it's gonna be
Come a little closer
I'm not gonna bite
Come on, come on, lets do it up tonight
I dont like pretending
You are mine
That is never ending
Keep in mind
That were never gonna make it yea yea
That were never gonna make it hey hey
Never ever gonna make it
First of all you gotta dance with me
And then ill tell you what it's gonna be
Come a little closer
I'm not gonna bite
Come on, come on, lets do it up tonight
[Let's do it up] x7
Come a little closer
I'm not gonna bite
Come on, Come on, lets do it up tonight
She is so innocent,
When she speaks I listen,
She is my angel
Sent from up above, ah-ove, ah-ove, ah-ove
She is my fire
My only one desire
She’s in the front row
Well, she comes to every show, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh
I want you knooooow…
[Chorus]
Shout shout shout it out
From the roof top let it out
Shout shout shout it
Till the world can hear it now
I don’t know what to say or do
It’s so hard to scream it
Shout shout shout it out
From the roof top let it out
Shout shout shout it
Till the world can hear it now
I don’t know what to say or do,
It’s so hard to shout it out to you
(So hard to shout it out to you)
She is my fire (fire)
My only one desire (desire)
She’s in the front row (front row)
Well, she comes to every show, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh and
Yeah I want you knooooow…
Shout shout shout it out
From the roof top let it out
Shout shout shout it
Till the world can hear it now
I don’t know what to say or do
It’s so hard to scream it
Shout shout shout it out
From the roof top let it out
Shout shout shout it
Till the world can hear it now
I don’t know what to say or do,
It’s so hard to shout it out to you
(So hard to shout it out to you)
(So hard to shout it out to you)
(So hard to shout it out to you)
(Yeah, Uh huh, oh)
She punches me
Her eyes are green
Take my hand
Follow my lead
I know just
What you’ll need
Row sixteen, section three
She’s cool, she’s hot
She’s all I need
Rules are lot
The thing with me
When she walks I’m begging please
Hold my hand so they can see
That she’s with me
Shout shout shout it out
From the roof top let it out
Shout shout shout it
Till the world can hear it now
I don’t know what to say or do
It’s so hard to scream it
Shout shout shout it out
From the roof top let it out
Shout shout shout it
Till the world can hear it now
I don’t know what to say or do,
It’s so hard to shout it out to you
(So hard to shout it out to you)
Shout shout shout it out
From the roof top let it out
Shout shout shout it
Till the world can hear it now
I don’t know what to say or do,
It’s so hard to shout it out to you
I felt this time that we had something
You rolled your eyes like it was nothing new
You only think about you
Put your shades on not to show it
Don't pretend that you don't know its true
You only think about
If you look good
and girl you should
Welcome to Hollywood
Boy, ya better live it up before it brings you down
Welcome to Hollywood
Just got a grip on how to get around
I'm so glad I got to know
you
Now I know what I'm suppose
do
You only think about you
The freindly faces I've been seein'
Now I know they're far from being true
You only think about you
If you look good
I guess I should
Welcome to Hollywood
Boy, ya better live it up before it brings you down
Welcome to Hollywood
Just got a grip on how to get around
In your favorite tinseltown The boulevards
The neon lights
I've been in love since the first sight
I wouldn't change it if I could
Welcome to Hollywood
Welcome to Hollywood
Boy, ya better live it up before it brings you down
Welcome to Hollywood
Just got a grip on how to get around
Welcome to Hollywood
Just got a grip on how to get around
Dog eat dog is to be seen in the tabloid magazine Seventeen
A billioniare daddy's money,
Do you care
Welcome to Hollywood
I don't know how to let this go
And I don't really want to know
What it's like without you in this life
Your voice is breaking through the air
I can hear, but I don't care
What's it matter anyway, tonight?
But everywhere I go, I'm reminded of everything that's going on
That something isn't right
I can read the signs
I know that something's wrong
But you didn't have to walk away
No, you didn't have to walk away
You didn't have to walk away from me tonight
No, you didn't have to walk away
You didn't have to walk away
No, you didn't have to walk away from me tonight
I don't want to be left with all
The broken pieces as they fall
If there was more time
I would hide this all away
But everywhere I go, I'm reminded of everything that's going on
That something isn't right
I can read the signs
I know that something's wrong
But you didn't have to walk away
No, you didn't have to walk away
You didn't have to walk away from me tonight
No, you didn't have to walk away
You didn't have to walk away
No, you didn't have to walk away from me tonight
Time means everything, everything
Time means everything, everything
To me
But you didn't have to walk away
No, you didn't have to walk away
You didn't have to walk away from me tonight
No, you didn't have to walk away
You didn't have to walk away
No, you didn't have to walk away from me tonight
You spin around like a broken record
That plays your name every time the needle skips
It's been that way since last December
I can't live like this anymore
You're stuck inside every conversation
Used to know that you really couldn't come
But I'm a slave to this obsession
How can I move on?
You're in my thoughts
In my head
In my heart
In my dreams
And I wish you would stop haunting me
Get out get out
I can't take it no more
Breathe in, breathe out
Cause I die a little every time I think about you
Get out get out
Cause I'm going crazy
I'll scream and shout
Oh I've tried everything
But you're still here and
I can't stop missing you
Oh yeah
The way I feel every time you're with me
The way you say it all without a word
I keep hearing "time heals everything"
So tell me why does it still hurt
Like you only just told me goodbye
And I can't get you out of my mind
Get out get out
I can't take it no more
Breathe in, breathe out
Cause I die a little every time I think about you
Get out get out
Cause I'm going crazy
I'll scream and shout
Oh I've tried everything
But you're still here and
I can't stop missing you
I hate to love you
I hate to let you go
You're good at leaving
But I'm no good alone
Get out get out
I can't take it no more
Breathe in, breathe out
Cause I die a little every time I think about you
Get out get out
Cause I'm going crazy
I'll scream and shout
Oh I've tried everything
But you're still here and
I can't stop missing you
Get out, get out
Breathe in, breathe out
You spin around like a broken record
That plays your name every time the needle skips
Hey you, when will you realize you're about to lose the green eyes?
You take her for granted now shes tired of the chains.
She gives you clues you're clueless tell me why do you do this?
You're so bored she's out the door it can never be the same.
I know that you feel so invincible but you're breaking down tonight.
This is how to lose a girl
This is how you're all lonely
This is how to fall to pieces
This is how to lose it all[it all]
This is how to lose a girl
This is how to fall to mercy in your world
And this is how to lose a girl
You don't know what romance is. too bad, no second chances.
move on the moment's gone there's no one else to blame.
One day she'll hit the highway remind me cause i'll be waiting right here.
Then wipe the tears and steal the heart away.
I know that you feel so invincible but you're breaking down tonight.
This is how to lose a girl
This is how you're all lonely
This is how to fall to pieces
This is how to lose it all[it all]
This is how to lose a girl
This is how to fall to mercy in your world
And this is how to lose a girl
Ya we know it hurt[now I've been hurt]
Was it worth it?[got what you deserved]
Now its over[that's how you lost the girl]
Hey you, when will you realize you've lost those perfect green eyes?
and This is how to lose a girl
This is how you're all lonely
This is how to fall to pieces
This is how to lose it all[it all]
This is how to lose a girl
This is how to fall to mercy in your world
And this is how to lose a girl
I could be the guy with all the clever lines.
Beneath my breath is standing just outside.
You started pulling me in but next to him.
I'm falling further behind.
You don't even know him but I see that three's a crowd.
I am the odd man out.
I don't wanna be but I'm just the best friend now.
I am I am the odd man out.
I am the odd man out.
But I lost myself and let you slide away.
Now there's someone else appearing in my place.
Am I the last one to know or a year too slow?
All I wanted to say.
You don't even know him but I see that three's a crowd.
I am the odd man out.
I don't wanna be but I'm feeling all crushed now.
I am I am the odd man out.
I am the odd man out.
I want in I got something to say.
I could still win this race.
I'm not losing this game.
Cause it doesn't have to end up doesn't have to end up that way.
You don't even know him
You don't really know me but you see that three's a crowd.
I am the odd man out.
I'm just lonely cause I'm just the best friend now.
I am the odd man out.
Listen closely cause you can't be sorry.
I am in ?and bout to drown?
I don't wanna be but I'm feeling all crushed now.
I am I am the odd man out.
I am the odd man out.
She looks so pretty.
She's ruler of the world.
And now the world, the movie, model.
She's the all-american girl.
He's got a hit record and sellin out his shows.
He's got the car and the cash and the shoes and the girl that you want.
(I know you wanna)
So turn up all the lights I'm ready.
Takin' over I'm not waitin'.
That's right I'm here now I gotta go.
Now's the time I know is mine.
Watch out I'm movin' in.
I'm movin' in.
I'm with the in-crowd now.
My show's always on.
I'm with the sunset monkey hangin' with the Kings of Leon.
You wear my t-shirt my logo on the front.
I know it's crazy maybe but easiness would we be to want.
So turn up all the lights I'm ready.
Takin' over I'm not waitin'.
That's right I'm here now I gotta go.
Now's the time I know is mine.
Watch out I'm movin' in.
I'm movin' in.
(I'm comin' girl)
So turn up all the lights I'm ready.
Takin' over I'm not waitin'.
That's right I'm here now I gotta go.
Now's the time I know is mine.
Watch out I'm movin' in.
So turn up all the lights I'm ready.
Takin' over I'm not waitin'.
That's right I'm here now I gotta go.
Now's the time I know is mine.
Watch out I'm movin' in.
I'm movin' in.
I'm movin' in.
3,3,3, is the magic
3,3,3, is the magic
3,3,3, is the magic number
3. it's a magic number
yes, it is
it's the magic number
because 2 times 3 is 6
and 3 times 6 is 18
and the 18th letter in the alphabet is R
we got three R's
we're gonna talk about today
we gotta learn to
reduce, reuse, recycle
reduce, reuse, recycle
reduce, reuse, recycle
reduce, reuse, recycle
if your going to the market to buy some juice
you gotta bring your own bag of waste to reduce your waste
we gotta learn to redude
if your brother or your sister has some cool clothes
you gotta try some on before you buy some of those
reuse
we gotta learn to reuse
if the two R's dont work out
and if you have some trash dont throw it out
recycle
we gotta learn to recycle!
we gotta learn to
reduce, reuse, recycle
reduce, reuse, recycle
reduce, reuse, recycle
reduce, reuse, recycle
cause 3! it's the magic number
oh yes it is!
it's the magic number
3!
3!
3!
3,6,9,12,18,21,24,27,30,33,36,
33,30,27,24,21,18,12,9,6,3!
is the magic number
yes it is
it's the magic number
gotta learn
reduce, reuse, recycle
reduce, reuse, recycle
reduce, reuse, recycle
reduce, reuse, recycle
3! is the magic number
Timon: Mitchel Musso!
Simba: Mitchel Musso!
Nala: Mitchel Musso!
Pumbaa: Mitchel Musso!
{ Morning comes }
Pumbaa: Lets tell scary stories! It happened to myself. I have seen it.
Scar: Now you wait here. Your father has a marvelous
surprise for you.
{Camera switch to bottom of the gully. Scar and Simba are
near a rock, underneath a small tree.}
Simba: Oooh. What is it?
Scar: If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, now would
it?
Simba: If you tell me, I'll still act surprised.
Scar: Ho ho ho. You are such a naughty boy.
Simba: Come on, Uncle Scar.
Scar: No-no-no-no-no-no-no. This is just for you and your daddy.
You know, a sort of... father-son... thing.
{Through Simba's expression, we see that he resents Scar's dismissive
attitude, but soon shrugs it off.}
Scar: Well! I'd better go get him.
Simba: I'll go with you.
Scar: {Loud, snapping tone} No! {regaining composure} Heh heh heh.
No. Just stay on this rock. You wouldn't want to end up in
another mess like you did with the hyenas...
Simba: {Shocked} You know about that?
Scar: Simba, everybody knows about that.
Simba: {Meek and embarrassed} Really?
Scar: Oh, yes. Lucky Daddy was there to save you, eh? {clearly
enjoying himself; he puts a paw on Simba's shoulder} Oh...
and just between us, you might want to work on that little
roar of yours. Hmm?
{Scar starts to pull away}
Simba: Oh... Okay...
{Scar pats Simba roughly on the head, then moves off.}
Simba: Hey, Uncle Scar, will I like the surprise?
Scar: {Turning back over his shoulder} Simba, it's to DIE for.
{The camera slowly pans up the side of the gorge away from
Scar and Simba. After a distance of rock, we reach the
edge and view on the plain a very large herd of
wildebeest; the size of the herd comes across with a striking
computer-generated parallax pan. The camera then focuses in on the
hyenas (Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed), who are waiting off of the edge
of the herd, hidden under a rock arch.}
Banzai: {Stomach growls}
Shenzi: Shut up.
Banzai: I can't help it. I'm so hungry... {jumping up} I
gotta have a wildebeest!
Shenzi: Stay put.
Banzai: Well... can't I just pick off one of the little sick ones?
Shenzi: No! We wait for the signal from Scar.
{Camera switch to Scar mounting a rock in view of the hyenas}
Shenzi: There he is... {making an evil, almost humorous face}
let's go.
{Camera switch back to Simba}
Simba: Little roar. Puh!
{A lizard walks past Simba. He growls at it.}
Simba: Rarrr!
{The lizard has no reaction to this first attempt. Simba then
jumps down and tries again.}
Simba: Rrrraowr-nh!
{For the third attempt, Simba moves closer again and inhales
deeply.}
Simba: RAOWR!
{The lizard skitters off screen. Simba's roar echoes around the canyon.
Shot of Simba lifting his ears to relish the echo. The echo is
soon eclipsed, however, by a low rumble. Simba looks
down and sees pebbles jumping. Cue the very sinister "To Die For"
music. We see the herd coming over the lip of the gorge. Dramatic
multi-layer camera pull up to Simba's terrified face. Simba takes
off in front of the herd.}
{Cut to the rim of the gorge, where the Hyenas are seen chasing
the wildebeest herd, nipping at their heels to drive them over
the edge. Camera switch to Mufasa and Zazu a short distance from
the canyon.}
Zazu: Oh look, sire; the herd is on the move.
Mufasa: Odd...
{Scar runs up, out of breath}
Scar: Mufasa. Quick. Stampede. In the gorge. Simba's down
there!
Mufasa: Simba?
{Camera switch to Simba. He is running and climbs up a
dead tree. Zazu flies ahead of Mufasa and Scar, down into
the canyon. He spots Simba.}
Simba: {Clinging precariously to a tree} Zazu! Help me!!
Zazu: Your father is on the way! Hold on!
Simba: {Losing grip} Hurry!
{Mufasa and Scar are on the lower ledges of the gorge.
Zazu flies back to Mufasa and points out where Simba is.}
Zazu: There! There! On that tree!
Mufasa: Hold on, Simba!
{In the gully, a wildebeest rams the tree Simba's on,
nearly breaking it.}
Simba: Ahhhh!
{Mufasa runs out into the herd, joining the stampede.}
Zazu: Oh Scar, this is awful. What will we do? What will
we do? Hah ... I'll go back for help, that's what I'll
do, I'll go back for he--oomph!
{Scar backhands Zazu into a rock wall, knocking him out.
Scar then follows Mufasa's progress from the lip of the
gorge, his shadow cast mysteriously from the bottom of the
gully {!}. Mufasa runs with the herd till slightly past the
tree. He whips around the front of some wildebeest and
runs into the herd towards Simba's tree. He gets rammed
head-first once, throwing him to the ground. A wildebeest
hits Simba's tree, throwing Simba into the air. Mufasa gets
up in time to catch Simba in the air with his mouth. He
gets hit again and accidentally throws Simba. Simba dodges
a few oncoming wildebeest. Mufasa runs by with the herd
and grabs Simba. He jumps up to a near rock ledge and sets
Simba down, but is immediately struck by a wildebeest and
carried off into the stampede.}
Simba: DAD!
{Simba watches in horror as he cannot find his father in
the swirling mass of wildebeest below him. At the last
second, Mufasa leaps out of the herd and starts to climb
with great difficulty up the sheer rock slope. Simba
turns and starts to climb up to the top of the gorge. Out
of Simba's sight, Mufasa reaches a point right below a
ledge where he can't climb due to the steepness. His claws are
scraping and his back paws have no traction. Above him on
the ledge is Scar.}
Mufasa: Scar! Broth-- {slips, barely hangs on} Brother! Help me!
{Scar looks disdainfully down, and then suddenly latches
onto Mufasa's forepaws with claws extended. Mufasa roars,
primarily from the sudden pain of Scar's claws, but no doubt also
due to the sudden flash of realization. His expression slowly
changes to one of horror as he recognizes Scar's intent.}
Scar: {Slowly and evilly} Long live the king.
{Scar throws his brother backwards. Mufasa free-falls,
back first. The camera follows Mufasa down from under him,
then from above him, showing the stampede raging below.}
Mufasa: Aaaaaaahh!
{Camera suddenly focuses in on Simba, who is watching his
father hit the ground. No sound effects of the hit. No
view of it either. Mufasa and Simba's screams mingle.}
Simba: Nooooooo!
{The herd passes. Everything is clouded by dust. Simba
bounds to the canyon floor. Mufasa is nowhere to be
seen.}
Simba: {Cough} Dad!!
{We hear a sound}
Simba: {Quietly} Dad?
{We see a stray wildebeest run past, the source of the
sound. The wildebeest curves around a log further down the
gully. Under the log is Mufasa, laying on his side. He is
not moving or breathing. Simba approaches the body. Sad
musical theme. Again we notice how small Simba really is.}
Simba: {Hopefully} Dad? ...Dad, come on. {He rubs up
against Mufasa's cheek. The head merely rolls back in
place after the rub} You gotta get up. {He places both
forepaws on his father's cheek and pushes} Dad. We gotta go
home. {He tugs at Mufasa's ear. Again the head limply
moves back in place. Simba runs off a bit, obviously
very scared.} HEEEEELP! Somebody! {His voice reverberates
hollowly off the sides of the gorge.} Anybody... help.
{He cries. Simba turns back to the body. He nuzzles up under the
limp paw so that his father is embracing him. Pause for effect.}
{Where the music would resolve, we hit a minor chord as
the image of Scar advancing appears through the dust.}
Scar: Simba. ...What have you done?
Simba: {Jumps back, crying} There were wildebeests and he
tried to save me... it was an accident, I... I didn't
mean for it to happen.
Scar: {Embracing Simba, yet still distant} Of course, of
course you didn't. No one... ever means {pulls Simba
closer; Simba hides his face on Scar's foreleg} for
these things to happen. ...But the king IS dead. {looking
with mock regret at Simba) And if it weren't for you, he'd
still be alive. {Simba is crushed, believing his guilt.
Another thought "occurs" to Scar.} Oh! What will your
mother think?
Simba: {Sniffing} What am I gonna do?
Scar: Run away, Simba. Run... Run away and never return.
I know that your powers of retention
Are as wet as a warthog's backside
But thick as you are, pay attention
My words are a matter of pride
It's clear from your vacant expressions
The lights are not all on upstairs
But we're talking kings and successions
Even you can't be caught unawares
So prepare for a chance of a lifetime
Be prepared for sensational news
A shining new era
Is tiptoeing nearer
[Shenzi:]
And where do we feature?
[Scar:]
Just listen to teacher
I know it sounds sordid
But you'll be rewarded
When at last I am given my dues
And injustice deliciously squared
Be prepared!
[Spoken]
[Banzai:] Yeah, Be prepared.
Yeah-heh... we'll be prepared, heh.
...For what?
[Scar:] For the death of the king.
[Banzai:] Why? Is he sick?
[Scar:] No, fool-- we're going to kill him. And Simba too.
[Shenzi:] Great idea! Who needs a king?
[Shenzi (and then Banzai):]
No king! No king! la--la-la--la-laa-laa!
[Scar:] Idiots! There will be a king!
[Banzai:] Hey, but you said, uh...
[Scar:] I will be king! ...Stick with me, and
you'll never go hungry again!
[Shenzi and Banzai:] Yaay! All right! Long live the king!
[All Hyenas:] Long live the king! Long live the king!
[Full song again]
[Hyenas: {In tight, crisp phrasing and diction}]
It's great that we'll soon be connected.
With a king who'll be all-time adored.
[Scar:] Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected
To take certain duties on board
The future is littered with prizes
And though I'm the main addressee
The point that I must emphasize is
You won't get a sniff without me!
So prepare for the coup of the century
(Oooh!)
Be prepared for the murkiest scam
(Oooh... La! La! La!)
Meticulous planning
(We'll have food!)
Tenacity spanning
(Lots of food)
Decades of denial
(We repeat)
Is simply why I'll
(Endless meat)
Be king undisputed
(Aaaaaaah...)
Respected, saluted
(...aaaaaaah...)
And seen for the wonder I am
(...aaaaaaah!)
Yes, my teeth and ambitions are bared
(Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo)
Be prepared!
[All:]
Yes, our teeth and ambitions are bared
Be prepared!
Timon: Pumbaa, no one likes that story. Here is one better.
(a book entitled "The Legend of SpongeBob SquarePants" is on a wooden type platform)
Narrator: Ahoy, mateys! Today I be spillin' a tale ye won't soon forget. (book opens and shows a chapter called "SpongeBob vs. The Patty Gadget") It's "SpongeBob SquarePants Vs. The Patty Gadget". Now, SpongeBob be workin'. His eye on the grill till he heard a sharp sound that gave him a chill.
SpongeBob: What's going on? What could it mean?
Narrator: Wow, it's a deep-fry patty cookin' machine. (a round, metal machine comes through the doors) And hiding behind it, who do we see? None other than Squidward and his bad face acne. (zoom in on Squidward's zits on his face)
Squidward: Hey!
Mr. Krabs: What's is this contraption you've hauled into me place?
Squidward: A miracle, a marvel. It'll cook Krabby Patties at a fabulous pace.
Mr. Krabs: But how are the patties? I mean, how do they taste?
Squidward: I'll let you try one. Shove this in your face. (hands Mr. Krabs a Krabby Patty)
Mr. Krabs: I have to admit, that patty was yummy. Though it sits like a rock when it lands in me tummy. But I've already got a fry cook and he's always on time.
Squidward: Ah, but this gizmo is faster and you won't pay it a dime.
Mr. Krabs: Your machine sounds delightful. But how much does it cost?
Squidward: Hmm, just fire SpongeBob and tell him get lost. (SpongeBob is staring from the kitchen window)
Narrator: The machine wanted his job to make SpongeBob quit. But SpongeBob didn't like it. No, not one bit. Pushing his grill, SpongeBob burst through the door.
SpongeBob: (pushes the grill out the kitchen) I challenge your gadget. I declare patty war.
Narrator: With 3 little words, Krabs started the show. His flag in the air, he cried...
Mr. Krabs: Ready, set, go!
Narrator: Quick as a flash, Squidward pulled the big lever and then sat back feeling oh, so quite clever. SpongeBob, with spatula held tight in his fist, flung twenty patties, not a single one missed. (SpongeBob throws twenty patties on the grill)
The crowd was VERY impressed.
Sandy: Wow!
Narrator: They cheered full of glee. All except Patrick, who had to go pee. (everyone cheers but Patrick, who is wiggling a lot)
Narrator: A noise and a clatter came from the machine, and out popped the patties in a burst of hot steam. The gadget was fast, its first batch completed, but SpongeBob yelled out...
SpongeBob: I won't be defeated!
Narrator: He took in some air. SpongeBob swelled his physique. And dozens of patties filled up in his cheeks. (breaths in so hard that a bag of patties flee into his mouth) He strained and he sweated, he summoned his will. And shot Krabby Patties all on the grill.
Squidward: Not bad...
Narrator: ...yelled out Squidward.
Squidward: A really good try. But let's see how you do against my machine set on high. (pulls down the machine lever to set it on high)
Narrator: The gizmo, it shuddered. It crackled, it shook. And as Squidward laughed:
Squidward: Ha, ha.
Narrator: Sandy said...
Sandy: What a schnook!
Narrator: But SpongeBob cried out...
SpongeBob: I won't lose to that thing!
Narrator: Then he held up two spatulas and leapt like a spring. His hands were a blur, the patties went flying. He fried up a hundred with out even trying. Squidward was worried. SpongeBob couldn't be beat.
Squidward: I got one last chance, I'll turn up the heat.
Narrator: He struggled and strained 'till his face turned dark blue. Then the lever moved forward and broke right in two. The gadget buckled and sparked. It cracked like a gun. So Squidward took off, yelling...
Squidward: (runs out of the Krusty Krab) Let me know if I won!
Narrator: Lightning flew from its maw. It looked ready to burst. But SpongeBob, still standing, yelled...
SpongeBob: Foul beast, do your worst.
Narrator: The patties came flying, by twos and be threes. By dozens, by hundreds, oh, it was something to see. Aye, that machine, it was fast, but SpongeBob was faster. He proved to that thing that he was its master. (patty gadget blows up) The gadget blew into bits and died with a boom. The blast was so loud that it woke King Neptune. (King Neptune is in his bed, asleep, til he hears the boom) King Neptune: (mumbles) What's that? (cut back to the Krusty Krab)
Narrator: It was all over, finished and done. With his head held up high, SpongeBob knew he had won. The crowd yelled "Hooray, Squidward's name is now mud!" But as they were cheering, SpongeBob fell with a thud. (SpongeBob falls over. The crowd gasps. Cut to a grave, where Sandy, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward are standing in front of it) Narrator: The service was short. Tears were shed with regret. Squidward, it seemed, was the one most upset. (Squidward cries and sets flowers over the grave then walks away. Then, SpongeBob walks up to the grave)
SpongeBob: Whoo, yeah! (dances cheerfully)
Narrator: What's that? You thought SpongeBob was buried down
there? They just buried the gadget. Ha-ha, this I swear. (pan below the
dirt where we see the patty gadget underground. The storybook closes)
Well, there is the tale, straight from the book. Now I gotta go and
polish me hook!
Narrator: Ahh, lunchtime at the Krusty Krab. Everyone is enjoying their Krabby Patties. (lights go off as everyone in the Krusty Krab screams and runs for cover) Huh?! What's this? (doors and windows are now metal)
Mr. Krabs: Can you spot him, Mr. Squidward?
Squidward: Down there, sir! (a krabby patty is bouncing to the door)
Narrator: (gasps) There appears to be a Krabby Patty napping in progress! (krabby patty shoots a laser hole big enough for it to go through at the door) There can only be one culprit: Plankton!
Plankton: Finally, victory is mine! I win, I win, I win! (laughs)
Squidward: He got away, sir.
Mr. Krabs: No! He's finally stolen me secret recipe!
Narrator: Perhaps not, mousier Krabs, for it's... (SpongeBob tears himself into another SpongeBob and flies off) SpongeBob SquarePants! (later, SpongeBob peeks out through under the sewer with binoculars in hand. Catches a peek at a krabby patty jumping through the crowd)
SpongeBob: A-ha! (chases it behind some buildings) Hey! (krabby patty flies up with a propeller. SpongeBob takes the twirling club that the cop is using as a propeller and flies after the krabby patty to the top of a building) O.K., that's far enough! Huh? (patty jumps off building) Tarter sauce! (uses his hat as a balloon-like ball and jumps off the building. Bounces off the ground towards the krabby patty. Bounces past a cowboy and a cowgirl)
Cowboy: Yeehaw! (patty walks into a magic shop and comes back out with funny glasses on) Have you seen a Krabby Patty? It's about this tall and... (looks up and reads the sign 'MAGIC SHOP') Wow, a magic shop! Are you a magician? One time, I saw this magician and he did this thing...anyway, and then he told us, 'If you believe in yourself and with a tiny pinch of magic, all of your dreams can come true.' (plankton takes away krabby patty)
Plankton: Argh! I can't take it!
SpongeBob: Plankton! It's you!
Plankton: Yes, and after all these years, I thought I was the master of torture. But that...that just wasn't fair! Here. Take the stupid patty, I don't want the secret recipe anyway. I guess my restaurant will never be as good as the Krusty Krab. You don't know what it's like to be a loser. (cries)
SpongeBob: Aww, cheer up, Plankton. I think you're a winner.
Plankton: Wh-what did you say?
SpongeBob: I said, you’re a... (a bunch of people run up and point at Plankton)
All: Loser! (Planktons jumps away from group and walks back to his restaurant)
Squidward: How does it feel to be the most hated thing in Bikini Bottom, Plankton? It hurts, doesn’t it? I know!
Policeman: Yeah, and for running you out, we're going to make this kid honorary town rookie of the day. (puts a big donut with a ribbon on it around SpongeBob)
Song: Bikini Bottom "For he's a Jolly Good Rookie"
For he's a jolly good rookie,
for he's a jolly good rookie,
for he's a jolly good rookie…
(everyone throws SpongeBob into the air)
SpongeBob: (thinking to himself) I'll bet if he had just one friend, he wouldn't be such a meanie. All: (as SpongeBob comes down,
they stop singing) Which nobody... (everyone walks away. Later, Plankton hears a knock on his door at his restaurant)
Plankton: A customer? (opens door) Our special today is chum... (sees SpongeBob at the door) ...balaya.
SpongeBob: Hi, Mr. Plankton.
Plankton: Haven't you degraded me enough for one day?
SpongeBob: No. I mean...I want you to come out and play with me.
Plankton: What?
SpongeBob: Play with me.
Plankton: You know how to induce thermonuclear fusion?
SpongeBob: No, but I like to go... (Plankton closes the door)
Plankton: That naive cube! How long must I suffer this?
Karen: You're not letting him leave, are you? Can't you see? This is the perfect opportunity for revenge! Plankton: Elaborate. (computer shows images of a krabby patty and SpongeBob)
Karen: Befriend the SpongeBob, then when the time is just right, take the Krabby Patty!
Plankton: Take the Krabby Patty? (runs back to the door)
Karen: Get moving, genius, don't let him get away. (Plankton opens the door) SpongeBob: ...fishing with my friends at Jellyfish Fields.
Plankton: Alright, SpongeBob, I'll play your little game.
SpongeBob: Great! (SpongeBob grabs Plankton and runs off) Last one to the fields is a rotten clam! (now at Jellyfish Fields) So, I get the big net and you get the little net. (hands Plankton a net bigger than him)
Plankton: What happens after we eat 'em?
SpongeBob: You don't eat 'em, you catch 'em, like this! (captures a jellyfish) Like that.
Plankton: And?
SpongeBob: And then you throw them back. But watch out for the stingers!
Plankton: Stingers? (Plankton imagines ruling Bikini Bottom with a jellyfish that only he controls) All knees will bow to Plankton! Hail, Plankton! I win, I win!
SpongeBob: It's not about winning, it’s about fun!
Plankton: What's that?
SpongeBob: Fun is when you...fun is...it's like...it's kinda...sort of like a...
Song: F.U.N. (Song)
SpongeBob: What is fun? let me spell it for you, F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me, N is for anywhere, anytime at all, down here in the deep blue sea.
Plankton: F is for fire that burns down the whole town, U is for uranium... bombs! N is for no survivors, when you-
SpongeBob: Plankton! Those things aren't what fun is all about. Now, do it like this: F is for friends who do stuff together-
Plankton: Never! That's completely idiotic.
SpongeBob: Here, let me help you, F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me, try it!
Plankton: N is for anywhere, anytime at all.
SpongeBob & Plankton: Down here in the deep blue sea.
Plankton: Wait, I don't understand this, I feel all tingly inside. Should we stop?
SpongeBob: No! That's how you're suppose to feel!
Plankton: Well, I like it. Let's do it again!
SpongeBob: Okay!
SpongeBob & Plankton: F is for frolic through all the flowers. U is for ukelele. N is nose-picking, chewing gum, and sand-licking, here with my best buddy. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Mr. Krabs: (looking through a telescope at SpongeBob & Plankton)
Mr. Krabs: Arr, mutiny!
(at the Chum Bucket, Plankton is changing clothes)
Plankton: And after that we frolicked through the flowers and then we...
Karen: Sounds like fun.
Plankton: Well, the really fun part was when we...
Karen: Where's the Krabby Patty?
Plankton: The what? (shows a krabby patty on Karen's computer screen)
Karen: The Krabby Patty, remember?
Plankton: You can't rush these things, you know.
Karen: You're forgetting about the mission! (shows a formula)
Plankton: What are you talking about?
Karen: You're going native, Plankton! Look at yourself! (metal arm picks up Plankton and shows him wearing square pants like SpongeBob's)
Plankton: What?
Mr. Krabs: I haven't seen Plankton in a while. He must be scheming.
SpongeBob: Who knows? Maybe he's changed.
Mr. Krabs: Who knows? I think you know! (shows a picture of him and Plankton holding up the letters for FUN)
SpongeBob: He's changed, I tell you! (Plankton enters)
Plankton: SpongeBuddy! Yoohoo! (SpongeBob runs over to Plankton)
SpongeBob: Plankton-buddy! Let's go! I forgot this is a no friend zone.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, may I speak to you in private. (talking to Plankton) You won't mind if I set this here, will you? (puts a plate with a krabby patty on the table and pushes it toward him)
SpongeBob: What's this all about, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: He's a thief. Look at the lust in his eye, he's...
SpongeBob: Why can't you just accept our friendship?
Mr. Krabs: He's just after me recipe. I'll prove it to you. (walks up to Plankton) Ah, you must be hungry after that long walk over here.
Plankton: Oh, yes, but I'm saving my appetite for some popcorn at the movies.
Mr. Krabs: Uhh...suit yourself. (walks off then comes back to push the plate closer to Plankton. Uses a fan to get the smell to Plankton)
SpongeBob: We've had enough of your little tests, Mr. Krabs! (turns the fan off) Come on Plankton, let's get out of here. (both walk away)
Mr. Krabs: Maybe the lad was right. Maybe Plankton's gone straight. (plate falls down revealing that it was cardboard) Or maybe scallops will fly out of my pants! (takes the boat and paddles to the movies) Hold on there laddie, I'm a-comin'! (at the movies, SpongeBob & Plankton are sitting in the front row. SpongeBob is giving popcorn to Plankton as he is eating some himself. Then Bubble Bass comes down and sits in Plankton's seat, squishing him)
SpongeBob: I sure like sequels, Plankton. (sees Bubble Bass in his spot) Hey, Bubble Bass, you're sitting on my friend. (Bubble Bass gets comfortable in his seat) Hey Bubble Bass! (throws some popcorns and Bubble Bass runs after it)
Plankton: Thanks for that, friend.
SpongeBob: Sure thing, pal.
Mr. Krabs: Listen up! (Mr. Krabs shadow is on the movie screen)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs? (in the projector room)
Mr. Krabs: He's deceiving ya! Reach into his pocket now and take what he's got! (the ladies reach in their husbands pockets and take out a watch, some money and a piggy bank then run off) You too, boy! (SpongeBob reaches into Plankton's pocket and takes out a krabby patty)
SpongeBob: (gasps) I can't believe this!
Plankton: It's not what you think.
SpongeBob: What is it then? What do you see here?
Plankton: I… I don't see anything.
SpongeBob: (crying) How can you not see it?
Plankton: O.K., O.K., I see it! It's a Krabby Patty, O.K.? I couldn't help it!
SpongeBob: But we sang the Fun song! I think I'm gonna be sick. How long?
Plankton: How long what?
SpongeBob: How long were you planning on doing this? Tell me! What?
Plankton: (crying) All right, it's true! I tricked you to get the Krabby Patty! But then you showed me friendship! And now I realize, that's all I really wanted.
SpongeBob: Really? (Plankton grabs the patty and jumps towards the screen)
Plankton: No, not really. Being evil is too much fun! (Plankton laughs)
Movie: Oh darling, I know that nothing could ever tear us apart. (Plankton rips through the screen)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, he's gone. He got the patty. He won.
Mr Krabs: Ho-ho, no he didn't, boy! Don't you know what's behind these screens? Solid concrete! (laughs. Plankton is squished on the wall. Mr. Krabs takes the krabby patty)
SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs. I thought Plankton had changed.
Mr. Krabs: Don't blame him, lad. No friendship could withstand the allure of a Krabby Patty! Now let's go back to the Krusty Krab and have a fresh one on me!
SpongeBob: Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Well, maybe on a discount. (Mr. Krabs flicks Plankton off the wall and onto Bubble Bass' jellybeans. Plankton runs around his hand so he doesn't get caught)
Plankton: EEEEEEEYYYYYAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Nala: Do Spongebob Squarepants Movie!
Pirate #1: (He is in a small boat with a trunk) I got it! I got it! I got it!
Pirate #2: Dinghy ahoy.
Pirate #3: Dinghy off the port bow. Dinghy off the port bow! Dinghy off the port bow! Dinghy off the port bow. Captain, dinghy off the... (He is slammed in the face by a door as the captain walks on deck)
Captain: Dinghy. (Lets Pirate #1 onto the ship, along with the trunk)
Pirate #1: I got it! I got it.
Captain: Where is it?
Pirate #2: It's right here, captain. (Opens the trunk)
Captain: I never thought I'd see it with me own eye. Tickets to The SpongeBob Movie! (The pirates cheer and they sail to the movie theater, singing the SpongeBob SquarePants theme song)
Pirate: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Choir: SpongeBob SquarePants,
Pirate: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he?
Choir: SpongeBob SquarePants,
Pirate: If nautical nonsense be something you wish?
Choir: SpongeBob SquarePants,
Pirate: Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish?
Choir: SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePa...a-a-ants!
(The pirates hog the snack bar and get some popcorn. They rush into the theater room, where the movie starts)
[edit] SpongeBob's dream
French Narrator: The sea. So mysterious, so beautiful. So... wet. Our story begins in Bikini Bottom's popular undersea eatery - the Krusty Krab restaurant, where...
(The camera pans down into Bikini Bottom in front of the Krusty Krab)
Police: Back off! Back off! (waves arms to back off at reporters/citizens)
Fish #1: Hey, wait a minute.
Fish #2: What is happening?
Mr. Krabs: Please settle down. (Referring to the Krusty Krab) We've got a situation in there. I'd rather not discuss till me manager gets here.
Fish: Look, there he is. (A limousine drives up)
(SpongeBob climbs out of the limousine. He walks toward the Krusty Krab.) Talk to me, Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: It started out as a simple order: a Krabby Patty with cheese. When the customer took a bite, no cheese! (he cries, but SpongeBob slaps him)
SpongeBob: Get a hold of yourself, Eugene. I'm going in. (goes into the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: Take it easy, friend. I'm the manager of this establishment. Everything's gonna be just fine.
Phil: I'm really scared here, man.
SpongeBob: You got a name?
Phil: Phil.
SpongeBob: You got a family, Phil? (Phil begins to cry) Come on, Phil, stay with me. Let's hear about that family.
Phil: I got a wife and two beautiful children.
SpongeBob: That's what it's all about. I want you to do me a favor, Phil.
Phil: What?
SpongeBob: Say cheese. (SpongeBob carefully lifts the bun and Dramatically puts some cheese under. He then comes out of the Krusty Krab with Phil in his arms) Order up.
All(But spongebob): Three cheers for the manager! Hip! Hip!(Honk!) Hip! Hip!(Honk!) Hip! Hip! (Honk!!!!)
[edit] Awakened from the job as Manager
(Continues from dream) SpongeBob: Gary, I had that dream again. And it's finally gonna come true. Today. Sorry about this, calendar. (Rips calendar page off, reviling the KK2 page.) Because today is the grand-opening ceremony for The Krusty Krab 2 where Mr. Krabs will announce the new manager. Who's it gonna be, Gary? Gary: Meow. Spongebob: Well, let's ask my wall of consecutive employee-of-the-month awards. (Camera pulls up, revealing many "employee of the month" portraits)
SpongeBob E.O.T.M Awards: SpongeBob SquarePants!
[edit]Ready for the speech SpongeBob: I'm ready. Promotion. (Goes into walk-in shower, Eats soap, Inserts a hose in his head, Puffs up until soap comes out, Spongebob pulls out paper-like fabric, folds into his pants, back springs off, reviling his rear, brushes eyes with toothpaste, wipes off foam) Cleanliness is next to manager-liness. (Goes outside and runs around in circles) I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.
(Setting:Bathroom) Squidward: La da dee, la da doo, la da dum, La da dee, la da doo, la da dum,
Squidward and spongebob in unision: La da dee, la da doo, la da dum,La da d...
Squidward: Huh?
Spongebob singing solo:...ee, la da doo, la da dum, Bum Bum Bum, Da da da...
(Squidward interrupts him, and covers himself) Squidward: SpongeBob! What are you doing in here?
SpongeBob: I have to tell you something, Squidward.
Squidward: Whatever it is, can't it wait until we get to work?
SpongeBob: There's no shower at work.
Squidward: What do you want?
SpongeBob: I just wanted to say I'll be thanking you in my managerial acceptance speech today.
[edit] SpongeBob's encounter with Patrick
Squidward: Get out! (Throws him out the window)
SpongeBob: Okay. see you at the ceremony. (Runs into Patrick, who comes out of his rock)
Patrick: That sounds like the manager of the new Krusty Krab 2.(Realizes that he doesn't have his trunks on.) Oops. Hold on.(Rock closes, with Patrick on it. Then it opens again.) Congratulations, buddy.
SpongeBob: Oh, thanks, Patrick. And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party till we're purple.
Patrick: I love being purple!
SpongeBob: We're going to the place where all the action is.
Patrick: You don't mean...?
SpongeBob: Oh, I mean.
In unision:Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat!
(Rock closes up on them, and opens up a few seconds later. They now have Goofy Goober hats, and a record begins playing on a record player beside Patrick) (SpongeBob and Patrick sings)
Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah. You're a Goofy Goober, yeah. We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah. Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah!
SpongeBob: (Notices his watch) I'd better get going. (Takes off the Goofy Goober hat and puts on the Krusty Krab sailor hat) I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.
Patrick: Good luck, SpongeBob. Hey, look for me at the ceremony. I got a little surprise for you. I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah. (Bounces away)
[edit] KK2 news report/Plankton's rage
(The scene cuts to a large crowd gathered in front of the Krusty Krab. Perch Perkins is on TV, reporting)
Perch Perkins: Hello, Bikini Bottom! Perch Perkins here, coming to you live from in front of The Krusty Krab restaurant, for years the only place to get a delicious and mouthwatering Krabby Patty. Until today, that is. That's right, folks. Longtime owner Mr. Krabs is opening a new restaurant called The Krusty Krab 2. First of all, congratulations, Mr. Krabs. (Krabs has a big grin on his face)
Mr. Krabs: Hello. I like money.
Perch Perkins: What inspired you to build a second Krusty Krab right next door to the original?
Mr. Krabs: Money. (Everyone laughs)
(Plankton is watching the entire scenario out the window of the Chum Bucket)
Plankton: Curses! It's not fair. Krabs is being interviewed by Perch Perkins, and I've never even had one customer!{plankton clinches}
Karen: Don't get worked up again, Plankton, I just mopped the floors.
Plankton: Oh, Karen, my computer wife, if only I could have managed to steal the secret to Krabs' success, the formula for the Krabby Patty. Then people would line up to eat at my restaurant. Lord knows I've tried. I've exhausted every evil plan in my filing cabinet...from A to Y.
Karen: A to Y?
Plankton: Yeah, A to Y. You know, the alphabet.
Karen: What about Z?
Plankton: Z?
Karen: Z. The letter after Y.
Plankton: (Searches through cabinet) W, X, Y, Z. Plan Z! Here it is, just like you said.
Karen: Oh, boy.
Plankton:(Suggestively) Oh! Oh! Ohhh! It's evil. It's diabolical. (Sniffs it) It's lemon-scented. This Plan Z can't possibly fail! (Goes outside) So enjoy today, Mr. Krabs, because by tomorrow, i'll have the formula. Then everyone will eat at the Chum Bucket, and I will rule the world! All hail Plankton. All hail Plank...! (SpongeBob runs by and accidentally steps on him)
[edit] SpongeBob's encounter with Plankton
SpongeBob: I'm ready, promotion... I'm ready, promotion...
Plankton: (While being stepped on by SpongeBob) Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
SpongeBob: Ew, I think I stepped in something...
(Tries to scrape Plankton off)
Plankton: Not in something, on someone, you twit!
SpongeBob: Sorry, Plankton. (Pulls him off his shoe) Are you on your way to the grand-opening ceremony?
Plankton: No, I am not on my way over to the grand-opening ceremony. I'm busy planning to rule the world!
SpongeBob: Well, good luck with that. (Runs off) I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.
Plankton: Stupid kid.
[edit] Bob's new job
(Later, Mr. Krabs is at a stand in front of the Krusty Krab 2. The crowd is still gathered there, seated)
Mr. Krabs: Welcome. Welcome, everyone, to the grand opening of The Krusty Krab 2.
Mrs. Puff: We paid $9 for this?
Sandy: I paid $10!
Mr. Krabs: Now, before we begin with the ribbon-cutting, I'd like to announce the name of our new manager.
SpongeBob: Yay! Yeah! Yeah! Now we're talking! Yeah!
Mr. Krabs: Yes. Well, anyway... The new manager is a loyal, hard-working employee.
SpongeBob (Thinking): Yes.
Mr. Krabs: The obvious choice for the job.
SpongeBob (Thinking) : He's right.
Mr. Krabs: A name you all know. It starts with an S.
SpongeBob( Thinking) : That's me.
Mr. Krabs: Please welcome our new manager...Squidward Tentacles.
SpongeBob: Yes! Yeah! (Shaking Squidward's hand) Oh, better luck next time, buddy. Yeah! All right!
[edit] Patrick's interruption
(Patrick suddenly appears flying on a banner naked with a GO SPONGEBOB flag in his butt.)
Patrick: Hooray for SpongeBob! Hooray for SpongeBob! Let's hear it for SpongeBob!
[edit] Theft of the crown
(Later that evening, Plankton is traveling through the sky on his jetpack. He stops in front of a giant castle)
Plankton: Time to put Plan Z into effect. Starting at the undersea castle of King Neptune.
(Neptune is sitting in his throne by his daughter Mindy, who is sitting in another throne. Neptune hits the squire on the head with his trident)
Squire: Oh, right. The royal court is now in session. Bring the prisoner forward. (Guards do so. Neputne then asks the crown polisher a question)
Neptune: So you have confessed to the crime of touching the king's crown?
Crown polisher: Yes, but...
Neptune: But what?
Crown polisher: But it's my job, Your Highness. I'm the royal crown polisher.
Neptune: Well, then I guess I can't execute you. Twenty years in the dungeon it is.
Mindy: Daddy. (Frees the crown polisher) You're free to go.
Crown polisher: Bless you, Princess Mindy. (Walks away)
Neptune: Mindy, how dare you defy me?
Mindy: Why do you have to be so mean?
Neptune: I am the king. I must enforce the laws of the sea.
Mindy: Father, I wish you'd try a little love and compassion instead of these harsh punishments.
Presenter: That would be nice. (Neptune then bonks him on the head)
Neptune: Squire, clear the room. I wish to speak to my daughter alone (Everyone except Neptune and Mindy high tail it. Neptune then shows Mindy his crown). What is this, Mindy?
Mindy: Your crown?
Neptune: And what does this crown do?
Mindy: Covers your bald spot.
Neptune: It's not bald, it's thinning. This crown does much more than cover a slightly receding hairline. No, this crown entitles the one who wears it to be in charge of the sea. One day, you will wear this crown.
Mindy: I'm gonna be bald?
Neptune: Thinning! Anyway, the point is, you won't wear it until you learn how to rule with an iron fist. Like your father. (He puts what he thinks is his crown on. It is not the crown. It is the cushion that the crown was on)
Mindy: Dad, your "crown"...
Neptune: What the...? (Discovers that his crown is missing) My crown! Someone has stolen the royal crown!
Plankton: (We see Plankton leaving the castle with the crown) I got it. I got it. (He flies past Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat, which we get a view of inside. The bar is filled with children eating ice cream. Suddenly, a Goofy Goober Clock speaks)
[edit] Nut bar encounter
Goofy Goober Clock: Hey, all you Goobers, it's time to say howdy to your favorite undersea peanut, Goofy Goober.
Kids: Howdy, Goofy Goober!
Goofy Goober: Hey, fellow Goofy Goobers. Time to sing.
Goofy Goober: Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah
Goofy Goober and Kids: Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah
Patrick: Well, saying you're a kid, it's like saying I'm a kid. (Waiter walks up to him handing him a Goober Meal)
Waiter: Here's your Goober Meal, sir.
Patrick: I'm supposed to get a toy with this. (Waiter throws one at him) Thanks.
SpongeBob: I'm gonna head home, Pat. The celebration's off.
Patrick:[ with his mouth full ] Are you sure?
SpongeBob: Yeah. I'm not in a Goober mood. (he starts to walk away)
Patrick: Okay, see you.
[edit] Sundae rush
Waiter: (Handing Patrick a Triple Gooberberry Sunrise) And here's your Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, sir. (SpongeBob starts to walk back to Patrick)
Patrick: Yum!
SpongeBob: Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, huh? I guess I could use one of those.
Patrick: Now you're talking. Hey, waiter, we need another one over here.
Waiter: (Handing SpongeBob one) There you go. (SpongeBob and Patrick gleefully eat rapidly )
Both: Buuurrrp!
SpongeBob: Boy, Pat, that hit the spot. I'm feeling better already.
Patrick: Yeah.
SpongeBob: Waiter, let's get another round over here. (After another eat) Oh, Mr. Waiter. Two more, please. (Then they finish two more) Waiter. (Then two more) Oh, waiter. (Two more) Waiter. (Ignores them) Wai-toor. Waiter!
Waiter: Why do I always get the nuts?
SpongeBob: (Up on stage) All right, folks, this one goes out to my two bestest friends in the whole world: (We see Patrick and the Goofy Goober up on stage, too) Patrick and this big peanut guy. It's a little ditty called..."Waiter!" (All three faint)
[edit] Awakened from the ice cream blast
(The next morning, SpongeBob wakes up to find the waiter trying to get him up)
Waiter: (To SpongeBob) Hey. Hey, get up. Hey, come on, buddy. I wanna go home. Come on, pal.
SpongeBob: (After recovering) Oh, my head. (He looks drunk)
Waiter: Listen to me. It's 8 in the morning. Go scrape up your friend and get going.
SpongeBob: My [burp] friend? (Sees Patrick lying on the floor. He looks drunk, too) Patrick. Hey, what's up, buddy? (Then realizes something) Wait, you said 8:00. I'm late for work. Mr. Krabs is gonna be...(Disgustedly) Mr. Krabs.
[edit]Neptune's arrival (At the Krusty Krab 2, Mr. Krabs is pinning the manager pin on Spongebob's shirt. Then he pulls up a telescope to him)
Mr. Krabs: Now, pay attention, Spongebob. As new manager, you've gotta keep a sharp eye out for paying customers. (Looks through the telescope)Spongebob: Yawn.
Mr. Krabs: What's this? King Neptune is riding toward The Krusty Krab at lunchtime. He's got money.
(Outside, King Neptune gets out of his coach and closes the door on Mindy)
Neptune: Stay in the coach, daughter. (Gets out of the coach) This won't take long.
Mindy: Daddy, please. I think you're overreacting.
Neptune: Silence, Mindy. I know what I'm doing. (Turns around to leave, but bumps into a pole) Squire. (The Squire, who was with them in the coach, pops onto the scene)
Squire: Yes, Your Highness?
Neptune: Have this pole executed at once.
(Inside the Krusty Krab 2, Mr. Krabs is changing the price of the Krabby Patty)
Squidward: $101 for a Krabby Patty?
Mr. Krabs: With cheese Mr.Squidward, with cheese.
(Neptune comes into the Krusty Krab)
Neptune: (To the customers) Greeting, subjects. I seek the one known as Eugene Krabs. May he present himself to me at once.
Mr. Krabs: I'm Eugene Krabs, Your Highness. Would you like to order something?
Neptune: Nay! I'm on to you, Krabs! You have stolen the royal crown, you cannot deny. For, clever as you are, you left one damning piece of evidence at the scene of the crime. (Holds up a piece of paper and shows it to Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: I stole your crown. Signed, Eugene Krabs?! (Eyes widen)
Neptune: Relinquish the royal crown to me at once.
Mr. Krabs: But... But this is crazy! I didn't do it.
The Phone: (Mr. Krabs' voice) Ahoy, this is Eugene Krabs. Leave a message.
Plankton: Hi, Mr. Krabs. This is Clay, the guy you sold Neptune's crown to. Yeah, I just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown. Neptune's crown.(Krabs Tries to break it as Neptune growls) I sold it to a guy in Shell City, and I just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown. Neptune's crown. Which is now in Shell City. Goodbye.
Mr. Krabs: (Forced Giddy) Don't you just hate wrong numbers?
Neptune: My crown is in the forbidden Shell City?! (Screams)
(Outside, we see that Plankton is behind it, holding the phone)
Plankton: Plan Z. I love Plan Z.
King Neptune: Prepare to burn, Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Wait, Neptune. Please, I'm begging you, I ain't a crook. Ask anyone, they'll vouch for me.
King Neptune: Very well, then. Before I turn this conniving crustacean into fish meal,who here has anything to say about Eugene Krabs?
Sponge Bob: (Looking all drunk) I've got something to say about Mr. (burps) Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Sponge Bob, me boy, you've come just in time. Please, tell King Neptune all about me.
Sponge Bob: I have worked for Mr. Krabs for many years and always though the was a great boss.
Mr. Krabs: You see? A great boss.
Sponge Bob: I now realize that he's a great big jerk! I deserve that manager's job! But you didn't give it to me, because you say I'm a kid. Well, I am 100-percent man! And this man has got something to say to you. There, I think I made my point.
King Neptune:' Anyone else? No? Well, then. (Fires at Mr. Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: Me pants are on fire! Me underwear's on fire! I'm on fire!
King Neptune:' And now, Eugene Krabs, you will...
Sponge Bob: Wait! I'm flattered you would do this on my account, but being manager isn't worth killing Mr. Krabs over.
King Neptune: Quiet, fool! Mr. Krabs stole my crown, and now it's in Shell City. That's why he must die.
Sponge Bob: Does it seem a little harsh to kill someone over a crown?
King Neptune: You don't understand. My crown is a symbol of my king-like authority. And between you and me...my hair is thinning a bit.
Sponge Bob: Oh, Your Highness, I'm sure it's not that notice...bald...bald...
(Everybody keeps on saying: bald...bald...bald)
Fred: My eyes!
King Neptune:All right, all right.
Sponge Bob: King Neptune, sir? Would you spare Mr. Krabs' life if I went to get your crown back?
King Neptune: You, go to Shell City? No one who's gone to Shell City has ever returned. What makes you think you could? You're just a kid.
Sponge Bob:But I'm not a kid. I can do it.
King Neptune: Run along, I have a crab to cook.
Sponge Bob: No! I won't let you.
King Neptune: Very well, then. I'll have to fry you both!
Mindy: Daddy, stop it. Can't you get through one day without executing someone?
King Neptune: Mindy, I told you to stay in the carriage.
Mindy: Where's your love and compassion? (Holds Sponge Bob with a cute dolly smile as if to say "Mama".) Look at this little guy. He's willing to risk his life to find your crown and save his boss.
King Neptune: But, daughter, I...
Mindy: Please, Father? At least let him try. What have you got to lose? Might I remind you of your special problem?
(Everybody keeps on saying: bald... bald... bald)
Fred: My eyes!
King Neptune: All right. Very well, Mindy. I'll give him a chance. But when your little champion fails to return, I get to splatter this crab all over the walls. And as for you, be back here with my crown in exactly ten days. (Patrick pops up)
Patrick:He can do it in nine!
King Neptune: Eight!
Patrick: Seven!
Mr. Krabs and Sponge Bob: Patrick! (They jump on him)
King Neptune: Six!... Six it is, then.
Patrick: (Being choked by Mr. Krabs) Fi..ve...
Sponge Bob: Patrick, shh....!
King Neptune: Until then, the crab shall remain frozen where he now stands! (He points his triton at Mr. Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: No, wait. I'm begging you! (King Neptune freezes him)
Squidward: Who turned on the AC? (gasps) Mr. Krabs! Oh, no, this is terrible. Who's gonna sign my paycheck?
King Neptune: Come along, Mindy.
Mindy: Listen, you guys, the road to Shell City is really dangerous.
Mindy: There's crooks, killers and monsters everywhere. And what's worse, there's a giant Cyclops (she imitates the Cyclops stomping) who guards the outskirts of the city and preys on innocent sea creatures. Don't let him catch you, because if he does, he'll take you back to his lair, and you'll never be seen again.
Patrick: She's pretty, Sponge Bob. (While Mindy is explaining, Patrick is staring at her)
Mindy:Here, take this.
Sponge Bob: What's in here? (Opens bag and few winds blow at his face)
Mindy: It's a magical bag of winds. I stole them from my father.
Patrick: (To Mindy) You're hot.
Mindy: Once you find the crown, open the bag of winds and you'll be blown back home.
Neptune: Mindy!
Mindy: I'm coming. Good luck, Sponge Bob.
Sponge Bob: Wait. How did you know my name?
Mindy: Oh, I'm gonna be queen of the sea one day. I've learned the names of all the sea creatures.
Patrick: What's my name?
Mindy: That's easy. You're Patrick Star. (Patrick blushes from head to toe)
Neptune: Mindy! I gotta go. I believe in you guys.
Sponge Bob: Thanks, Mindy. (Now to Mr. Krabs) Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. Patrick, Squidward and I...
Squid ward: Pass. (He walks out the door, and leaves his hat behind)
Sponge Bob: Patrick and I...
Patrick: Hi.
Sponge Bob: ....are gonna get that crown back and save you from Neptune's wrath. You've got nothing to worry about. Your life is in our hands. (Mr. Krabs turns his eyes and looks at them. They are drooling, and look very stupid) Patrick, let's go get that crown! (They run into a secret room under the Krusty Krab 2, and run into the Patty Wagon) Feast your eyes, Patrick.
Patrick: What is it?
Sponge Bob:The Patty Wagon. Mr. Krabs uses it for promotional reasons. Let me show you some of its features. Sesame-seed finish, steel-belted pickles, grilled-leather interior. And under the hood, a fuel-injected french-fryer with dual overhead grease traps.
Patrick: Wow!
Sponge Bob: Yeah, wow.
Patrick: Hey, I thought you didn't have a driver's license.
Sponge Bob: (Cool)You don't need a license to drive a sandwich.
Sponge Bob and Patrick: Shell City, here we come!
(Later, Plankton enters the Krusty Krab, looking satisfied with himself. Mr. Krabs is still there, frozen)
Plankton: Ding-a-ling. Hey there, old buddy. (Sarcastically) Freeze. One secret formula to go, please. No, no, don't trouble yourself. I'll get it. Well, I'd like to hang around, but I've got Krabby Patties to make... over at the Chum Bucket. Plan Z, I love you. (Mr. Krabs' tears fall to the ground as Plankton leaves)
(The next scene cuts to Sponge Bob and Patrick riding to a nearby gas station in the Patty Wagon)
Sponge Bob and Patrick: Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah! (They stop at the gas station, where 2 gas station fish)
Sponge Bob: Fill her up, please.
Gas Station Fish #1: What will it be, fellas?, mustard... or ketchup?! (Both fish laugh)
Patrick: Are they laughing at us?
Sponge Bob: No, Patrick, they're laughing next to us.
Gas Station Fish #2: Where you two dumb kids headed, anyway?
Patrick: Kids?!
Sponge Bob: Now,Now, Patrick. For your information, we are not kids, we are men. And we're off to get King Neptune's crown in Shell City.
Both: Shell City? Ain't that the place that's guarded by a killer Cyclops?
Sponge Bob: That's right.
Gas Station Fish #1: Lloyd, take off your hat in respect.(pause.) Respect for the dead! (Both act goofy and Laugh again.) You two dipsticks ain't gonna last ten seconds over the county line.
Sponge Bob: Oh, yeah? We'll see about that. (He and Patrick get back into the Patty Wagon and pass the county line. A car stealer stops them)
Car Stealer: Out of the car, fellas. (Sponge and Pat obey)
Sponge Bob: How many seconds was that?
Gas Station Fish #2: Twelve.
Sponge Bob and Patrick: In your face! That's what I'm talking about. Yeah!
Patrick: Who's the kid now? (Both walk away)
Gas Station Fish #1: They're dead.
(The scene moves to a crowd entering the Chum Bucket back in Bikini Bottom. Perch Perkins is in front, once again reporting on TV)
Perch Perkins: Perch Perkins here with an incredible news flash. Plankton is selling Krabby Patties at the Chum Bucket. How is this possible? Let's find out. (He goes inside)
(Inside, Plankton is watching his new customers)
Plankton: Step right up. Plenty for everybody.
Perch Perkins: Excuse me, Plankton. Perch Perkins, Bikini Bottom News. Can I get a minute?
Plankton: Anything for you, Perch.
Perch Perkins: All of Bikini Bottom wants to know, how did you get the Krabby Patty?
Plankton: Well, Perch, before my dear friend Eugene Krabs was frozen by King Neptune...I'm sorry. He confided in me a secret wish. "Sell the Krabby Patty in my absence at the Chum Bucket," he said. "Don't let the flame die out. (he sobs) "By the way, act now and you get a free Chum Bucket bucket helmet with every purchase. Here you go, Perch. (He plants a bucket helmet on his head)
Perch Perkins: Thanks.
Plankton: Bucket helmets for everyone!
Man: (happily) My helmet!
(Plankton enters his lab, where Karen is)
Plankton: Karen, baby, I haven't felt this giddy since the day you agreed to be my wife.
Karen: I never agreed.
Plankton: Evil Plan Z is working perfectly. Nothing can stop me now.
Karen: Nothing except SpongeBob and his pink friend. (Displays SpongeBob and Patrick on the road on her computer screen) My sensors indicate that they're going after the crown. If they make it back, Neptune might discover some fingerprints. Tiny fingerprints. Stubby, tiny fingerprints. (Plankton looks at his hands)
Plankton: Evil Plan Z is way ahead of you, baby. I've already hired someone to take care of those two. He's a vicious, cold-blooded predator!
(Miles away, we see a hit man wearing sunglasses traveling on his motorcycle down the road. He looks tough. VERY tough. He stops his motorcycle in front of the gas station. The hitman, Dennis, sees a sesame seed from the Patty Wagon on the ground)
Dennis: (takes off sunglasses in another one) Sesame seed.
Gas Station Fish #1: Hey, mister. Does that hat take ten gallons? (Both gas station fish laugh. For this, Dennis rips of their mouths)
(Meanwhile, Sponge Bob and Patrick are still going and are tired)
Patrick: Going on.
Sponge Bob: Yeah! Moving on. Just keep going.
Patrick: Yup.
Sponge Bob: Gonna get that crown.
Patrick: Oh, yeah. All right.
Sponge Bob: Yeah. Victory.
Patrick: Are we there yet?
Sponge Bob: We must be close by now. (Sees a sign) Patrick, look. We're doing great! Shell City's only five days away. (A leaf blocking part of the sign comes off, revealing 2 more words)
Patrick: By car.
Sponge Bob: (sadly)I wish we still had our car.
Patrick: Sponge Bob, look!
Sponge Bob and Patrick: Our car! Ahh. (We see the Patty Wagon in front of a beat-up bar. Sponge and Pat are about ready to get in the Patty Wagon, but Sponge Bob notices that the key is missing)
Sponge Bob: (gasp)The key.
Patrick: Where do you think it is? (A man is thrown out of the bar, the Thug Tug, groaning in pain. SpongeBob and Patrick peek in through the window and see the key in the car stealer's pocket)
Sponge Bob: There it is, Pat. The key! Now, how are we gonna get it?
Patrick: I know. Walk in and ask him for it.
Thug: What are you looking at? (we see and hear Punchs.)
Sponge Bob: Patrick, that's a terrible idea.
Patrick: Sorry.
Sponge Bob: I know. I'll go in and create a distraction, and you get the key.
Patrick: Oh oh.. Wait. I wanna do the distraction.
Sponge Bob: OK. I guess it really doesn't matter who does the distraction.
(Patrick then walks inside the Thug Tug, looking tough) Thug: You see me walking?!
Patrick: Can I have everybody's attention? (Everybody comes closer to Patrick) I have to use the bathroom.
Car Stealer: It's right over there. (Spots Sponge Bob trying to take the key from him. Spongy makes up something else)
Sponge Bob: Stupid contacts. Oh, there it is. I better go wash it off. (Runs away)
(Inside the restroom, Patrick is whizzing. He finishes as Sponge Bob comes in)
Sponge Bob: Patrick. You call that a distraction?
Patrick: Well, I had to go to the bathroom.
Sponge Bob: Well, I got my hands dirty for nothing. (Sponge Bob pushes the soap dispenser and bubbles came out.) Patrick, check it out! Patrick: Oooooh.
Sponge Bob and Patrick: Hooray! Bubble party! (The duo parties with the bubbles. One floats out of the restroom and into the Thug Tug bar)
Thug Tug Owner: Hey! Who blew this bubble? You all know the rules!
Everybody in the Thug Tug: All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied patron in the bar.
Thug Tug Owner: That's right! So who blew it?(Inside the two look bad and pop all the bubbles.) So nobody knows.
Tough Guy #1: Maybe it was...
Thug Tug Owner: Shut up! (Throws a chair on him) Somebody in here ain't a real man. (Sees Sponge and Pat trying to sneak out) You! We're on a baby hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed them out. Now, everybody line up. DJ, time for the test. No baby can resist singing along to this. (The Goofy Goober theme song plays)
Patrick:Sponge Bob, it's the Goofy Goober theme song.
Sponge Bob: I know. (Sponge Bob and Patrick try to resist to sing along)
Goofy Goober (On record): Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah Tough Guy #2: (coughs)
Thug Tug Owner: It was you! You're the baby!
Tough Guy #2: No, no! I only coughed, I swear. (The owner eyes him)
Thug Tug Owner: DJ! Turn it up louder!
Sponge Bob: Don't sing along, Patrick!
Patrick: I'm trying. Trying so hard. (The owner notices his and SpongeBob's struggle and starts singing)
Thug Tug Owner: I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah! (Sponge and Pat are about to sing, when some double-headed twins sing instead)
Double Headed Twins: Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah!
Thug Tug Owner:Well, well, well. Which one of you babies was it?
Double Headed Twins #1 and #2:It was him. He did it. I've never even eaten at...Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah!
Thug Tug Owner: Well, looks like we got ourselves a double baby! (All of the tough guys start beating them up while Sponge Bob and Patrick sneak out of the Thug Tug)
Sponge Bob: Man, that was a close call.
Patrick: Guess what I got. (Pulls out the key)
Sponge Bob: The key! Shhh..
(He and Patrick start up the Patty Wagon, get in, and drive away)
(Back in Bikini Bottom the next morning, Squid ward is enjoying the time without Sponge Bob)
Squid ward: Too bad Sponge Bob's not here to enjoy Sponge Bob not being here. (He starts to ride his bike around town)
Fish: Morning. (Squid ward notices he is wearing a Chum Bucket helmet)
Squid ward: Some people have no taste in headgear. (Looks around more and sees everyone with a helmet, even a baby) Babies too? (Rides over to a female fish in a boat, waiting for the light to change) Excuse me, miss, but where is everybody getting that horrid head wear?
Female Fish: (She looks around) Who said that?
Squid ward: Down here.
Female Fish: (Finds Squid) Well, I got it at the Chum Bucket. Plankton's giving them away free with every Krabby Patty.
Squid ward: Chum Bucket? Free? Krabby Patty? Plankton? Giving? With?
(At the Chum Bucket, Plankton is enjoying his day and watching his customers. Squid ward bursts in)
Squid ward: So you're selling Krabby Patties, eh, Plankton?
Plankton: That's right, Squid ward. (Pulls out a helmet) And there's a free bucket helmet with every purchase. Care for one?
Squid ward: No. You may have hoodwinked everyone else in this backwater town, but you can't fool me. I listen to public radio.
Plankton: And what's that supposed to mean?
Squid ward: It means you set up Mr. Krabs. You stole the crown so Neptune would freeze him and you could finally get your stubby little paws on the Krabby Patty formula. (Plankton looks at his hands) It was you all along. But you made one fatal mistake. You messed with my paycheck. And I'm gonna report you to the highest authority in the land, King Neptune!
Plankton: We'll see about that, Inspector Loose lips. (Presses a button on Karen)
Karen: Now activating helmet brain-control devices.
Squid ward: Huh? What? (A satelite goes up on the Chum Bucket, causing the bucket helmets to start to control their wearers)
Wearers of Helmets: All hail Plankton.
Squid ward: (Eyes widened) What's going on here?
Plankton's Slaves (Wearers of Helmets): All hail Plankton.
Plankton: Seize him, slaves!
Slaves: All hail Plankton.
Squid ward: I'm getting out of here! (Runs for the door, but more slaves burst in and corner him)
Slaves: All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.
(Squid ward, cornered, screams in horror as Plankton's slaves capture him)
Plankton: Who can stop me now? Who?!
(Meanwhile, Sponge and Pat are still traveling in the Patty Wagon. They are laughing from something Patrick has done)
Sponge Bob: Come on, Pat, one more time.
Patrick: Okay. (Imitates the guy who owns the Thug Tug) We're on a baby hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed them out. (Sponge Bob and Patrick laughs)
Sponge Bob: Weed them out. Patrick: What a jerk. Sponge Bob: Woah..The road's getting kind of bumpy here.
Patrick: You know, Sponge Bob, there's a lesson to be learned from all of this.
Sponge Bob: What's that, Patrick?
Patrick: A bubble-blowing double baby doesn't belong out here in man's country.
Sponge Bob: Yeah. (Then realizes something) Wait. We blew that bubble. Doesn't that make us a bubble-blowing double baby? (Both think about this until he spots a free ice cream stand) Hey, look, free ice cream!
Sponge bob:Oh, boy! (go gets the ice cream) Patrick:(Talks to self) How you doing? Wait a minute. (Patrick looks at his surroundings and looked worried) Wait a minute. Sponge Bob!
Sponge Bob: Yeah?
Patrick: Make mine a chocolate!
Sponge Bob: Got you covered. (To the old woman) Two, please.
Old Woman: Certainly. You kids enjoy.
Sponge Bob: Actually, we're men, lady, but thanks. (Gets bowl) Hey, Patrick, let's... (His hand is stuck on the bowl, which the old woman is still holding) You can let go now. I said, let go, please. What is this? What kind of old lady are you? (A huge frog fish comes out of the ground, revealing that the old woman was its tongue. When the frog fish is about to eat SpongeBob, he breaks lose and falls into the Patty Wagon)
Patrick: Did you get the ice cream? (frog fish roars)
Sponge Bob: Step on it, Patrick! (Patrick drives the Patty Wagon at top speed away from the frog fish, which is in hot pursuit)
(Dennis has arrived at The Thug Tug, at that time, and is looking around. He finds SpongeBob and Patrick's bubble. Suddenly, all of the thugs appear)
Thug Tug Owner: Hey! (Dennis turns around) You may not know it, cowboy, but we got a rule around here about blowing bubbles. (Snaps his fingers and all of the thugs say the rule)
All Thugs: All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied (Dennis punches the owner into the Thug Tug, which breaks and falls into the ground)... In bar... bar... (Dennis drives away)
(Cut back to Spong eBob and Patrick still fleeing from the monster)
Old Woman: Come on, kiddies, have some ice cream. I'll let you pet Mr. Whiskers.
Sponge Bob: Jump for it, Patrick! (They jump out of the Patty Wagon, which the monster eats. Another monster eats that monster, and a monster about 4,000 feet long eats that one. SpongeBob and Patrick stare in disbelief) Well, we lost our car again.
Patrick: Never mind the car, where's the road? Road, road, road, road, road, road, road, r... Sorry.
Sponge Bob: There's the road. On the other side of this (Looks down the trench in front of them) .....deep, dark.....dangerous...
Patrick: Hazardous.
Sponge Bob: Hazardous...
Patrick: Monster-infested.
Sponge Bob: Yeah, monster-infested..... trench.
Patrick: Hey, Sponge Bob, look! Here's the way down. Well, we're not gonna get the crown standing here. On to Shell City. (Patrick took the first step and monsters growls) Hey, look, it's making noise. Sponge Bob? (Sees him about to leave) Hey, where are you going?
Sponge Bob: I'm going home, Patrick.
Patrick: But what about Mr. Krabs?
Sponge Bob: What about us? We'll never survive in that trench. You said it yourself, this is man's country. And let's face it, Pat. We're just...kids.
Patrick: We're not kids.
Sponge Bob: (Fed up) Open your eyes, Patrick! We blow bubbles, we eat ice cream. We worship a dancing peanut, for corn's sake! We don't belong out here!
Patrick: We do not worship him.
Sponge Bob: (Pulls down his shorts) You've been wearing the same Goofy Goober Peanut Party underpants for three years straight. (We see Patrick's underwear with the Goofy Goober on it) What do you call that?
Patrick: Worship? (Gets tears in his eyes) You're right, Sponge Bob. We are kids. (Runs around)
Sponge Bob: Pull your pants up, Patrick. We're going home.
Mindy: But you can't go home.
(Sponge Bob and Patrick see that the voice belongs to Mindy)
Patrick: Mindy! (Struggles to put his shorts on)
Sponge Bob: Mindy? How much did you hear?
Mindy: I heard enough.
Patrick: Did you see my underwear?
Mindy: No, Patrick.
Patrick: Did you want to?
Mindy: Look, guys, you may be kids, but you're the only ones left who can get that crown.
Sponge Bob: What do you mean, the only ones left?
Mindy: Things have gotten a lot worse since you left Bikini Bottom. (Pulls out a magical clam, which opens up revealing Bikini Bottom now) Or should I say Planktopolis.
Slaves: All hail Plankton.
Plankton: No resting! This monument celebrating my glory isn't gonna build itself. Move faster!
Sponge Bob: Oh, my gosh! Patrick, look! Plankton's turned everyone we know into slaves. (We see what everyone is doing for Plankton) Squid ward. Sandy. Mrs. Puff. (Sponge Bob gasps) Even Gary.
Gary: Meow Plankton.
Sponge Bob: Can't your father do something?
Mindy: My father's too distracted by his bald spot to do anything. (The magical clam shows Neptune's bald spot about to be sprayed by the Squire with hair growth spray)
Neptune: Squire, will you hurry? (The Squire is nervous. He closes his eyes and sprays. Well, he accidentally sprays Neptune's eyes, which grow hair)
Mindy: (She closes the clam) So you see, you can't quit. The fate of Bikini Bottom rests in your hands.
Sponge Bob: But... But we're just...
Mindy: Hey. It doesn't matter if you're kids. d what's so wrong with being a kid, anyway? Kids rule! You don't need to be a man to do this. You just gotta believe in yourself. You just gotta believe! (Swims up into the sky, then comes back down)
Sponge Bob: I believe.
Mindy: That's the spirit.
Sponge Bob: I believe that everybody we know is a goner! (He and Patrick begin crying)
Mindy: Come on, guys. (They don't stop) Guys. (They still don't stop) Guys? Guys? (No answer) Oh, boy. Think, Mindy, think. (Then she comes up with an idea) Yup, I guess you're right. A couple of kids could never survive this journey. That's why I guess I'll just have to turn you into men. (Sponge Bob and Patrick stop crying)
Sponge Bob: You can do that? How?
Mindy: With my mermaid magic.
Sponge Bob: Did you hear that, Patrick? She'll use her mermaid magic to turn us into men!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hooray! We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men!
Mindy: Good. Now, let's get started. Close your eyes.
SpongeBob: Are we men yet?
Mindy: Not yet. Spin around three times.
SpongeBob: (Whispers) I think it's working. (They turn around like they are doing ballet)
Mindy: Good. Now, keep your eyes shut. (Grabs two sea weed and puts them onto SpongeBob and Patrick as mustache) With my mermaid's magic and my one tailfin (Patrick giggles), I command the two of you to turn into men! Open your eyes.
SpongeBob: I don't feel any... (Notices that Patrick has a "mustache") Oh, my gosh, Patrick, you have a mustache!
Patrick: So do you!
Mindy: So now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City? (SpongeBob and Patrick adores their mustaches) Guys!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Yeah?
Mindy: I said, now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City?
SpongeBob and Patrick: Heck, yeah!
Mindy: Are men afraid of anything?
SpongeBob and Patrick: Heck, no!
Mindy: And why?
SpongeBob and Patrick: Because we're invincible! (Jump off trench) Yeah!
Mindy: I never said that!
(As they fall, SpongeBob and Patrick do tough moves)
SpongeBob: Patrick?
Patrick: Yeah, buddy?
SpongeBob: Why did we jump over the edge instead of taking the stairs?
Patrick: Bec... well...
SpongeBob: (A branch catches them and stops them from falling and they land safely on the ground) Patrick.
Patrick: Are we dead?
SpongeBob No, far from it, my friend. We're safe and sound at the bottom of this trench. The mustaches worked! Do you know what that means?
Patrick: We are invincible!
SpongeBob and Patrick: (Burst into song, the whole time dodging monsters) Now that we're men, we can do anything. Now that we're men, we are invincible. Now that we're men, we'll go to Shell City, get the crown, save the town, and Mr. Krabs. Now that we're men, SpongeBob: We have facial hair. SpongeBob and Patrick: Now that we're men,
Patrick: I change my underwear. (Does so)
SpongeBob and Patrick: Now that we're men, we've got a manly flair. We've got the stuff. We're tough enough to save the day. We never had a chance when we were kids. No! No! No! But take a look at what the mermaid did. (The two begin dancing)
SpongeBob: Yeah, go, Pat. Oh yeah.
Patrick: Yeah, go, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hooray!
Monsters: Now that they're men,
We can't bother them.
Now that they're men, they have become our friends.
Now that they're men, there'll be a happy end.
They'll pass the test and finish the quest for the crown.
They'll pass the test and finish the quest.
They'll pass the test and finish the quest for the crown!
(The group happily reaches the top of a trench as SpongeBob notices a sign)
SpongeBob: "Shell City, dead ahead." We did it, Pat! We made it past everything! Even the hideous, disgusting monsters. (Monsters begin to walk away) Not you guys. You guys are awesome! (Monsters just keep walking) Well, Patrick, we should be there in one more verse.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Now that we're men... (They are interrupted by Dennis the exterminator)
Dennis: Finally. I got you right where I want you.
SpongeBob: Can I help you with something, sir?
Dennis: Name's Dennis. I've been hired to exterminate you.
SpongeBob: You're gonna exterminate us? (They look at each other and laugh)
Spongebob Listen, junior, you caught me and my friend here in a good mood today, so I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Step aside, and you won't have to feel the awesome wrath of our mustaches.
Dennis: You mean these? (Rips SpongeBob and Patrick's fake mustache Off of their faces, Spongebob And patrick wimper while feeling their cheeks in horror) I thought you still had a piece of salad stuck to your lip from lunchtime.
(Dennis throws seaweed Dramatically, seaweed falls to the ground after a slight spin)
SpongeBob: They were fake?
Dennis: Of course they were fake! This is what a real mustache looks like. (He grows a mustache)
Patrick: Is he a mermaid?
Dennis: All right. Enough gab.
SpongeBob: What are you gonna do to us?
Dennis: Plankton was very specific.
SpongeBob: Plankton?
Dennis: For some reason, he wanted me to step on you.
Patrick: Step on us?
Dennis: Yeah! That way you'll never find out that he stole the crown!
(Spongebob and patrick look at each other again, this time, more scared)
Dennis: uhhh... Perhaps I've said too much. (Raises up his foot, ready to step on the two)
SpongeBob: That's a big boot.
Dennis: Don't worry. This will only hurt a lot. (Laughs maniacally) I love this job! (An extremely large boot stomps on Dennis)
Patrick: Bigger boot! (Starts to run away, but SpongeBob stops him)
SpongeBob: Wait, Pat. This bigger boot saved our lives.
in unison:Thank you, stranger.
(Spongebob looks up)
Spongebob: uhh... Stranger?
(Scuba diver looks at them)
Spongebob: It's the Cyclops! (The two Try to run, but the Scuba diver grabs them and takes them with him)
SpongeBob and Patrick: Help us! Help us! Save us, someone!
(SpongeBob and Patrick have recovered on a bed of tank pebbles)
Patrick: Are we dead?
SpongeBob: I don't think so. (Inspects the ground) Artificially colored rocks?
(Patrick eats the pebbles)
Spongebob:I don't know where we are.(Bumps into glass) What is this?
Patrick: It's some kind of wall of psychic energy. (Taps the glass of the fishbowl they are in)
SpongeBob: No, Pat, it's a giant glass bowl.
(Screen zooms out to show the outside of the fish bowl)
Spongebob Hey, there's some fish folk.
(Camera unblurrs to show some fish Knick-Knacks on the shelves and nooks)
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hey, over here! Hey! Hey! Hey, you guys! You guys, hey! Help! Hey! Help! A little help here! We're stuck in this... (Patrick stops yelling) Wait a second.
(Camera shows 3 knick-knacks, Some seahorses, A Puffer fish (Mr.Puff), And a Spanish band)
SpongeBob: Those fish are... (Camera zooms in to spngebob's mouth) dead.
Spongebob: What's he gonna do to us? (The Cyclops appears and takes out a small toolbox) Oh, no, he's going for his evil instruments of torture. (The cyclops takes out glue and google eyes)
SpongeBob: Glue? Google eyes? He's making a humorous diorama of (The Cyclops glues the google eyes on a clam, and puts a hat on it and a play phone near it) ... Alexander Clam Bell? Patrick, he's killing sea animals and making them into smelly knickknacks. And I think we're next.
Patrick: You think so? (Cyclops takes Patrick out of bowl)
SpongeBob: Patrick! No! (Cyclops takes SpongeBob out of bowl and puts both on a table with a heating lamp in front) The heat is so intense from this lamp that I can't move.
Patrick: Tell me about it.
SpongeBob: This doesn't look too good, Patrick.
Patrick: (In a old man voice) You mean we're not gonna get the crown, save the town and Mr. Krabs?
SpongeBob: I don't even think we're gonna be able to save ourselves, buddy. (SpongeBob's arm falls off, then Patrick puts it back)
SpongeBob: Thanks.
Patrick: Don't mention it.
SpongeBob: Well, it looks like what everybody said about us is true, Patrick.
Patrick: You mean that we're attractive?
SpongeBob: No, that we're just kids. A couple of kids in way over their heads. We were doomed from the start. I mean, look at us. We didn't even come close to the crown. We let everybody down. We failed.
Patrick: Shell City.
SpongeBob: Yeah, we never made it to Shell City.
Patrick: Shell City.
SpongeBob: Exactly, buddy. Yeah, the place we never got to.
Patrick: Shell City.
SpongeBob: OK, now you're starting to bum me out, Patrick.
Patrick: No, look at the sign. (SpongeBob sees what he was talking about. A sign by the door) "Shell City. Marine gifts and sundries."
SpongeBob: Shell City is a gift shop? But if this is Shell City, then where's the...? (Camera zooms out to show Neptune's crown sitting on a cushion)
Patrick and SpongeBob: Crown!
SpongeBob: Neptune's crown. This is Shell City. Pat, we did make it. Yeah, I guess we did. We did all right for a couple of goofballs. (Both shed one tear of joy)
SpongeBob: (In a weak voice) I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah...
In unison: (Also in a weak voice) You're a Goofy Goober, yeah...
SpongeBob and Patrick: (Camera goes down to show tears in 2 combined teardrops) We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah.(Screen goes back up to show the two drying) Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah (The two dehydrate and die)
(Back in the theater, all of the pirates are crying)
Captain: That's the end of SpongeBob. (To a pirate) Come here, you. (Hugs him tight)
Captain's Parrot: Shut up and look at the screen.
Captain: The bird's right. Look! (Camera goes back to movie to show the tears again) It be the tear of the Goofy Goobers!
(Back in the movie, we see SpongeBob and Patrick's tears short circuit the lamp, and the smoke turns on the sprinklers. They come back to life from the water and suffocate for one second)
SpongeBob: Hey, we're alive! (At the theater, the audience went wild and the pirates all cheered) Let's get that crown.
Patrick: Right. (He and Sponge rush over to the crown and get ready to pick it up)
SpongeBob: On three, Patrick. Ready? One, two, three. (Cyclops picks up crown) Hey, it's lighter than I thought. (The camera pulls up to reveal that the Scuba diver is the one that picked it up. Suddenly, all of the sea creatures in the room begin to shake and come back to life because of the water sprinklers)
Patrick: What's happening?
SpongeBob: I don't know. Look! (1,007 sea creatures, inclding Mr.puff, The spanish band, the sea horses and 3 of Patrick's relatives reanimate. 3 Lobsters that bear a strong resemblance to mr.krabs, Squirt Glue at the Scuba diver and the other sea creatures attack the Scuba diver and Sponge and Pat escape) Come on, Patrick. Let's get this crown back to Bikini Bottom. (The two carry the crown outside to the beach)
SpongeBob: Do you still have that bag of winds?
Patrick: I sure do. (Patrick shows a lump on his butt) Here you go. (Pulls out the bag. SpongeBob stares at him, wide-eyed) What?
SpongeBob: Nothing, nothing... Okay, let's go over the instructions. (Reads the paper with the instructions on it) Let's see, it says here, "Step one: Point bag away from home. "
Patrick: OK. (Points bag at Shell City)
SpongeBob: "Step two: Plant feet firmly on ground. "
Patrick: Right! (Plants his feet in the sand)
SpongeBob: "Step three: Remove string from bag, releasing the winds. "
Patrick: Check. (Pulls the string tied around the bag, and the bag flies out of his arm)
SpongeBob: Well, that seems simple enough. Point bag away from home, feet firmly on ground, pull string, releasing the winds. All right, let's do it for real.
Patrick: Uh, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: No, no, stop! (He chases after the bag)
Patrick: I was bad, I'm sorry! Please, bag. I'm sorry, I just thought... It was a mistake!
SpongeBob: Oh, no. How will we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now?
David Hasselhoff: I can take you there. (Sponge and Pat spot David Hasselhoff running towards them)
SpongeBob: Who are you?
David Hasselhoff: I'm David Hasselhoff.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hooray!
SpongeBob: So where's your boat?
David Hasselhoff: Boat? (He laughs hearty)
(Hasselhoff puts SpongeBob and Patrick on his back and starts swimming toward Bikini Bottom)
SpongeBob and Patrick: Go, Hasselhoff!
SpongeBob: Next stop, Bikini Bottom.
(In Bikini Bottom, Plankton's slaves are still under control)
Bikini Bottom Residents: All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.
(Inside the Krusty Krab 2, Plankton is walking in)
Plankton: Well, Krabs, you know what today is? (Looks at calendar. The date is wrong) Sorry about this, calendar. (Changes it) March 14? Wait, that's not right. It should say "The day that Krabs fries!" (Looks out the window and sees Neptune and Mindy arrive) Guess who's here.
(Above the ocean, Hasselhoff is now gliding like a motor boat)
SpongeBob: Hooray for Hasselhoff! Nothing can stop us now.
Patrick: Unidentified object off the hindquarters.
SpongeBob: It looks like... (We see the Cyclops' boot in pursuit of Hasselhoff)
SpongeBob: Bigger boot. But how? (The boot slips onto Hasselhoff’s foot, then lifts, and Dennis reforms, his glasses are broken. SpongeBob and Patrick scream)
Dennis: Did you miss me?
(At the Krusty Krab 2, Neptune and Mindy arrive)
Plankton: (He has popcorn and a drink with him. He is sitting on a small chair) This is the best seat in the house. All right, Neptune, let's get it on!
Neptune: Eugene Krabs, your six-day reprieve is up, and it is time for you to die!
Mr. Krabs: (Krabs is rapidly sweating mounds of ice cubes) Please, I didn't do it.
Neptune: There is nothing else I can do.
Mindy: You can give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more time.
Neptune: Except give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more time... What? (Realizes what he just said, then turns to Mindy) Mindy, will you butt out? I won't have you stalling this execution.
Mindy: Stalling? I'm not stalling anything.
Neptune: Yes, you are.
Mindy: No, I'm not.
Neptune: Yes, you are. You're doing it right now.
Mindy: I'm stalling.
Neptune: Yes.
Mindy: Stalling?
Neptune: Stalling!
Mindy: Stalling.
Neptune: Stalling!
Plankton: Oh, boy.
(Back above the ocean, Dennis has appeared)
Dennis: Now, where were we?
SpongeBob: Patrick, run.
Patrick: No, I'm tired of running. If we run now, we'll never stop... (Dennis throws Patrick towards Hasselhoff's feet) Run, SpongeBob! (Spongy runs. Dennis pulls out a knife, which he accidentally Impales Hasselhoff in the butt with)
David Hasselhoff: Take it easy back there, fellas.
Patrick: SpongeBob, be careful.
Dennis: Come on, kid, give it up. Dennis always gets his man.
SpongeBob: Neveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer! (Jumps to Hasselhoff's other foot dramatically) Yeah! I did it! (But Dennis has also made it)
Dennis: You got guts, kid. Too bad I gotta rip them out of you.
SpongeBob: I don't know what Plankton's paying you, but if you let us go, I can make it worth your while. (gives Dennis 5 Goober Dollars)
Dennis: It's gonna take a lot more than five...What is this?
SpongeBob: That, sir, is five Goober Dollars. Legal tender at any participating Goofy Goober (Grabs SpongeBob)... I got bubbles. Fun at parties. (Wind blows bubbles into Dennis' eyes)
Dennis: My eyes! (Throws SpongeBob)
Patrick: I got you, SpongeBob. (Catches him)
SpongeBob: Thanks, buddy. (Sees Dennis about to step on them) Thanks a lot.
Dennis: (Last lines) That's it. I'm through messing around. See you later, fools! (He is just about to stomp on them when he notices an upcoming catamaran, which he is too big to go under because of his head. Hasselhoff swims right under it, but Dennis is too big to go through, and is decapitated)
Patrick: See you.
(Inside the Krusty Krab 2)
Mindy: So you think....I'm....stalling.
Neptune: Where am I, in Crazytown? I have had enough of this nonsense! You are to wait in the carriage until the execution is done!
Mindy: But, Daddy...
Neptune: Now! (She goes outside. Neptune put locks on the door)
Mindy: No, no, no! Oh, SpongeBob, wherever you are, you better hurry.
(Above the surface, Hasselhoff has stopped swimming)
Hasselhoff: (Stands up) Okay, fellas, this is where you get off. Bikini Bottom's directly below.
SpongeBob: But we'll never be able to float down in time.
Hasselhoff: Who said anything about floating? (Pecs turn into launchers)
Announcer:Initiating launch sequence.
SpongeBob: Did you see that?
Patrick: The control.
Announcer: All hands on deck. Ten seconds to liftoff. Nine, eight...
Neptune: (Lights his triton) Eugene Krabs, the time has come...
Mindy: (Outside) No!
Plankton: Yes!
Announcer: ...six, five...
Neptune: ....for you....
Mindy: (Outside) No!
Plankton: (Pulls Antennae) Yes!
Announcer: ...three, two...
Neptune: ....to fry!
Mindy: (Outside) No!
Plankton:(Wide-eyed) Yes!
Announcer: ... one. (SpongeBob, Patrick, and the crown are launched back down to Bikini Bottom.
Mr. Krabs: NO! (Just then, Sponge and Pat fall through the roof. Krabs is about to be fried, but the crown blocks the ray, and it is blasted up to land, where Hasselhoff is lying down)
Hasselhoff: (Last lines) You done good, Hasselhoff. You done... (He is blasted with Neptune's ray and survives) ow.
SpongeBob: Hooray! We made it!
Patrick: We made it!
Neptune:My crown! My beautiful crown!
Mindy: (Comes inside) SpongeBob? Patrick? I knew you could do it! (Hugs them. Plankton then starts clapping slowly)
Plankton: (Sarcastically) Oh, yes. Well done, SpongeBoob.
SpongeBob: (Sarcastically) Sorry to rain on your parade, Plankton.
Plankton: Oh, don't worry about me. My parade shall be quite dry under my umbrella! (Pulls a cord that is hanging above him)
SpongeBob, Mindy, and Patrick: Umbrella? (Turn to Neptune, who is kissing his crown. The ceiling opens up and a helmet falls out. It lands on Neptune's head. He struggles to get it off)
Mindy: Daddy, no!
Plankton: Daddy, yes! (Pulls out a remote control with only a big, red button on it. He presses the button)
Neptune: (We see Neptune still struggling. A few seconds later, he stops and says only 3 words) All hail Plankton. (Mindy, SpongeBob, and Patrick scream. Plankton's slaves burst in through the windows)
Peopole: All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. (Patrick, Mindy, and SpongeBob back up against the wall. Neptune lights his trident)
Patrick: SpongeBob, what happened?
SpongeBob: Plankton cheated.
Plankton: Cheated? (Now to Neptune) Hold on there, baldy. (Now to SpongeBob) Oh, grow up. What, you think this is a game of kickball on the playground? You never had a chance to defeat me, fool! And you know why?
SpongeBob: Because you cheated?
Plankton: No, not because I cheated! Because I'm an evil genius. And you're just a kid. A stupid kid!
SpongeBob: I guess you're right, Plankton. I am just a kid.
Plankton: Of course I'm right. Okay, Neptune, time to kill.
SpongeBob: And you know, I've been through a lot in the past six days, five minutes, and seven-and-a-half seconds. And if I've learned anything during that time, It's that you are who you are.
Plankton: That's right. Okay, Neptune...
SpongeBob: And no amount of mermaid magic...(Turns to Mindy)...or managerial promotion... (Turns to the frozen Mr. Krabs)...or some other third thing...can make me anything more than what I really am inside: A kid.
Plankton: That's great. Now, get back against the wall.
SpongeBob: But that's okay.
Plankton: What? What's going on?
SpongeBob: Because I did what everyone said a kid couldn't do. I made it to Shell City, and I beat the Cyclops, and I rode the Hasselhoff, and I brought the crown back.
Plankton: All right, we get the point.
SpongeBob: So, yeah, I'm a kid. And I'm also a goofball. And a wing nut. And a Knucklehead McSpazatron!
Plankton: What's going on here?
SpongeBob: But most of all, I'm... (fog starts to appear)
Plankton: Okay, settle down. Take it easy.
SpongeBob: I'm... I'm...
Plankton: What the scallop?!
SpongeBob: (Bursts into song) I'm a Goofy Goober! Rock! (Plankton is flung into the wall)
You're a Goofy Goober! Rock!
We're all Goofy Goobers! Rock!
Goofy, goofy, goober, goober!
Put your toys away,
Well, all I gotta say when you tell me not to play,
I say no way.
No way!
No, no, (changed to no on the soundtrack) way!
I'm a kid, you say, when you say
I'm a kid I say,
"Say it again" and then I say thanks. Thanks!
Thank you very much!
So if you're thinking that you'd like to be like me,
Go ahead and try.
The kid inside will set you free!
I'm a Goofy Goober! Rock!
Plankton: (He is recovering from being flung into the wall) What's happening? (Sees SpongeBob dancing) His dance moves are impressive, but I'm in control. (To slaves) Seize him!
People: All hail Plankton. (Crowd in around SpongeBob. A few seconds later, SpongeBob bursts out in a wizard costume, playing an electric guitar, which he uses to free a fish)
Fish: (After SpongeBob zaps his helmet, and it comes off)I'm free. I've been freed!
Plankton: What? (SpongeBob zaps more helmets off) No! (More helmets come off) My precious helmets! (SpongeBob zaps the helmets off of Squidward, Sandy, Mrs. Puff, and Gary)
Squidward: Huh?
Mrs. Puff: Oh!
Sandy: Yee-haw!
Gary: Meow.
Plankton: His chops are too righteous. The helmets can't handle this level of rock 'n' roll. Karen, do something. Karen? (Looks for her. She is surfing the crowd) All right, that's the last straw. Neptune, I command you to...(SpongeBob frees Neptune. Mindy hands him his crown)
Mindy: Here you go, Daddy.
Plankton: I better get out of here. (Runs for the door, but more freed fish burst in)
Fish: Look, it's the wizard who saved us.
Plankton: Out of my way, fools. (The freed fish ignore him and rush to see SpongeBob, running over Plankton in the process)Ow! Ow! Ow! (yelping)
(Later, the police have arrived and are arresting Plankton)
Plankton: (He is know squished into the form of a shoe. The policemen pick him up and put him in a cage) Come on, I was just kidding. Come on, you guys knew that, didn't you? With the helmets and the big monuments...Wasn't that hilarious, everybody? (His cage is put in a police car, which drives away) I will destroy all of you! (Everyone that was watching)
Neptune: Well, Mindy, I have to admit, you were right. Your compassion for these sea creatures proved a most admirable trait. Without it, I would have never again seen my beloved crown. I think you're going to make a fine ruler of the sea one day. Now, let's go home. (Turns to leave, but is stopped by Mindy)
Mindy: Daddy, haven't you forgotten something?
Neptune: What? Oh, yeah. Eugene Krabs, I forgot to unfreeze you. (He does so, but Mr. Krabs is now a human instead of a crab)
Krabs: What the...?
Neptune: I guess I had it set to "real boy" ending. (Sets it right) He then turns Krabs back into a crab) Oh, I'm sorry for falsely freezing you, Krabs. And may I say, sir, you are a very lucky fellow to have in your employment such a brave, faithful, and heroic young lad. Where is he, anyway?
SpongeBob: I'm up here. (We see him hanging from ropes)
Patrick: I'm on it. (Gets SpongeBob down)
Neptune: Go to him now, Krabs. Embrace him. (Krabs walks over to SpongeBob)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, me boy, I'm sorry I ever doubted ye. That's a mistake I won't make again.
SpongeBob: Oh, Mr. Krabs, you old soft-serve. (They hug)
Mr. Krabs: And now, Squidward, I'm gonna do something that I should've done six days ago. Mr. Spongebob! Front and center, please. (Spongebob comes)I think we all know who rightfully deserves to wear that manager pin. (Looks at Squidward)
Spongebob: I couldn't agree more, sir.
Fish: Hooray for squidward!
(Everyone cheers)
SpongeBob: Wait a second, everybody. There's something I need to say first. I just don't know how to put it.
Squidward: I think I know what it is. After going on your life-changing journey, you now realize you don't want what you thought you wanted. What you really wanted was inside you all along.
SpongeBob: Are you crazy? (Grabs manager pin)I was just
gonna say that your fly is down! (Squidward's eyes widen) Manager! This
is the greatest day of my life! (The credits begin rolling as songs
play)
A stove is a stove,
No matter where you go,
A patty is a patty, that's what I saaaaaaaayyyyyyyy,
But this grill is not a home,
This is not the stove I know,
I would trade it all away,
If you'd come back to stay,
This kitchens not the same,
Its just a grill, its just a gresasy spoon,
Without you.
(SpongeBob:)
I call this one, The Campfire Song Song.
(SpongeBob)
Let's gather 'round the campfire,
And sing our campfire song
The C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song
And if you don't think that we can sing it faster
Then you're wrong
But it would help if you just sing along...
(Patrick)
Bum, bum, bum
(SpongeBob)
The C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song
The C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song
And if you don't think that we can sing it faster
Then you're wrong
But it would help if you just sing along...
(SpongeBob)
The C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song
Patrick!
(Patrick)
SONG! C-A-M-P-F...
(Spongebob)
Sqidward!
(Squidward)
...
(SpongeBob)
Good!
It would help!
It would he-e-elp!
If you just sing along!
O YEAH!
Timon: Good Morning guys!
Nala: Okay, what are we going to tell about today?
Timon: The Jungle Book!
Mowgli: I know you all right. You're Shere Khan.
Shere Khan: Precisely. Then you should also know that everyone runs from
Shere Khan.
Mowgli: You don't scare me. I won't run from anyone.
Shere Khan: Ah, you have spirit for one so small. And such spirit is
deserving of a sporting chance. Now, I am going to close my eyes and
count to ten. It makes the chase more interesting. For me.
One. Two. Three.
[Mowgli walks]
Four..
[Shere Khan turns and looks]
[Mowgli picks up a branch]
You're trying my patience.
[Baloo appears]
5-6-7-8-9-10!
[Shere Khan pounces at Mowgli (who drops his branch), but Baloo holds him
by the tail]
Baloo: Run, Mowgli, run!
Shere Khan: Let go, you big oaf!
Baloo: Take it easy, hold it, hold it. Whoa, easy, easy.
Buzzy: He's got a tiger by the tail.
Dizzy: And he'd better hang on, too.
[Shere Khan bites Baloo]
Baloo: Yeow!
Mowgli hits Shere Khan with the branch: Take that, you big bully!
Flaps: Let him have it! Hit him!
Mowgli: Baloo, help me!
Baloo: Somebody do something with that kid
Dizzy: Come on, lads!
[Flaps and Ziggy carry Mowgli away]
Buzzy: He's safe now, ha-ha-ha, you can let go, Baloo!
Baloo: Are you kiddin'? There's teeth on the other end!
[Shere Khan gets Baloo on the ground before him]
Shere Khan: I'll kill you for this!
Mowgli: Let go! Baloo needs help!
[Lightning breaks a tree and ignites it]
Buzzy: Fire! It's the only thing old stripes is afraid of!
Flaps: Get the fire, we'll do the rest
[Shere Khan knocks Baloo out]
Vultures: Charge! Punch and blow!
Shere Khan: Stay out of this, you mangy fools.
Buzzy: Yeah, yeah, missed by a mile!
Yeah, pull his blinkin' whiskers!
Flaps: He's a bloomin' pussycat!
[Mowgli ties a blazing branch to Shere Khan's tail]
Dizzy: Look behind you, chum.
[Shere Khan runs away, getting burnt by the fire on every step]
Buzzy: Well, that was the last of him.
Ziggy: Old stripes took off like a flaming comet
Buzzy: Well, come on, let's go congratulate our friend.
Dizzy: Hold it, fellas. Now's not the time for it. Look.
[Mowgli comes to Baloo, who is lying without signs of life]
Mowgli: Baloo? Baloo, get up. Oh please, get up. Oh.
[Bagheera arrives]
Bagheera: Mowgli, try to understand.
Mowgli: Bagheera, what's the matter with him?
Bagheera: You've got to be brave, like Baloo was.
Mowgli: You don't mean -- oh, no, Baloo.
Bagheera: Now, now. I know how you feel. But you must remember, Mowgli,
Greater love hath no one than he who lays down his life for his
friend.
[Baloo opens his eyes]
When great deeds are remembered in this jungle one name will stand
above all others. Our friend, Baloo the bear.
Baloo: He's cracking me up...
Bagheera: The memory of Baloo's sacrifice and bravery will forever be engraved
on our saddened hearts.
Baloo: Beautiful.
[meanwhile, rain stopped and sun begins to shine through again]
Bagheera: This spot where Baloo fell will always be a hallowed place in
the jungle, for there lies one of nature's noblest creatures.
Baloo: I wish my mother could've heard this.
Bagheera: It's best we leave now. Come along, man-cub.
Baloo raises and speaks loud: Don't stop now, Baddy, you're doing great!
There's more, lots more!
Bagheera: Why you, big fraud! You, you four-flusher! I-I'm fed up!
Mowgli: Baloo, you're all right!
Baloo: Ha-ha. Who me? Sure I am. Never felt... better.
Mowgli: You sure had us worried
Baloo: Ahh, I was just takin' five. You know, playing it cool. he-ha, but
he was too easy.
Mowgli: Good old papa bear.
Dizzy: It's going to be a bit dull without the little bloke, isn't it?
Buzzy: Yeah, so what we gonna do?
Flaps: I don't know -- and now don't start that again!
{dissolve to Baloo, Mowgli and Bagheera walking}
Baloo: Hey Baggy, too bad you missed the action. You should have seen how
I made a sucker out of stripes with that left in his face.
Boom, boom, I was giving him wham!. You know, we're some good sparring
partners.
Mowgli: You better believe it!
Baloo: Yes, sir! Nothing or nobody is ever gonna come between us again.
[the Girl's voice is heard]
Girl sings: My own home
My own home
My own home
My own home
Mowgli: Look, what's that?
Bagheera: Oh, it's the man-village.
Mowgli: No, no, I mean that.
Baloo: Forget about those, they ain't nothing but trouble.
Mowgli: Just a minute. I've never seen one before.
Baloo: So you've seen one, so let's go
Mowgli: I'll be right back, I want a better look.
Baloo: Mowgli, wait a minute--
Bagheera: Ahh Baloo, let him have a better look.
[Mowgli climbs on a tree branch over the river where the Girl came to water]
How 'bout scratchin' that old left shoulder while you're up there,
Mowgli? Now just a hair lower.. There, right there. That's it. Ahh..
This is beautiful. That's good. Kid, we've got to get to a tree,
this calls for some big scratch!
Mowgli: You're lots of fun, Baloo!
[Baloo is now scratching against a tree]
Baloo: Right on it.. Yeah! That's delicious! Oh, ooo! Just a little bit--
mmm.. yeah.. ha-ha.. ooo.
[he pulls the tree from the ground finally and scratches by its trunk]
Mm... mmm... ha-ha.. ooo. yeah!
[Baloo, satisfied, lets himself fall into water]
Oh man, this is really livin'. So just try and relax. Yeah.
[Mowgli gets on his tummy]
Cool it. Fall apart in my back yard. 'Cause let me tell you something
little britches. If you act like that bee acts, uh-uh. You're working
too hard. And don't spend your time looking around for something
you want, that can't be found
(singing): When you find out you can live without it
And go along not thinking about it
And I'll tell you something true
The bare necessities of life will come to you.
Bagheera walks away: Ahh.. I give up. Well I hope his luck holds out.
Baloo: Mowgli, how 'bout you singing?
Baloo and Mowgli: Look for the bare necessities,
The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
Mowgli: Yeah, man!
Baloo and Mowgli: I mean the bare necessities,
That's why a bear can rest at ease
With just the bare necessities of life
Baloo: Yeah!
Baloo and Mowgli: With just the bare necessities of life
Mowgli: Yeah, man!
Baloo: Ha-ha-ha. Beautiful. That's real jungle harmony.
Mowgli: I like being a bear.
Baloo: That's my boy. You're gonna make one swell bear. Why, you even sing
like one.
[Why they drift downstream, monkeys above plot Mowgli's stealing]
Baloo (going to sleep): Doo-be-doo...
[Monkeys replace Mowgli by a monkey]
Doo-be-wee be-doo
[fly lands on Baloo's nose]
Hey Mowgli, how 'bout you flickin' that old mean fly off of your
papa bear's nose?
[monkey hits Baloo with a stick]
Ouch! Ha, ha! Boy, when you flick a fly you really--
[he finally opens his eyes]
Why you, flat-nosed, little-eyed, flaky creep!
Mowgli (held in the branches above): Hey! Let go of me!
Baloo: Take your flea-picking hands off my cub!
Monkey #1: Come on and get him, champ!
Monkey #2: He's no champ, he's a chump!
Mowgli: Baloo!
Monkey #3: Yeah! ha-ha! A big hothead!
Baloo: Okay you guys asked for it, I'll-- ooh!
[he falls into water]
Monkey #4 : That'll cool him off!
Baloo: Give me back my man-cub!
Monkey #2: Here he is, come and get him!
Pumbaa: Wow. That was a Goofy story!
Nala: A Goofy Movie! I can memorize the whole movie thank you.
- Roxanne's Voice:
- Max...
Max appears close up and gasps at the sound of his name. He looks around for the source, finally squinting into the audience.
- Roxanne's Voice:
- Max...
The camera reverses viewpoint to show a tall pedestal with a female figure on top. Max begins to run through the wheat toward it.
- Roxanne's Voice:
- Max...
Finally reaching the clearing in the wheat, Max can now see who is on the pedestal clearly.
- Max:
- Roxanne?
Roxanne is holding a white dandelion and she gently blows the seeds towards Max. Max is mesmerized by the seeds. Roxanne leaps from atop the pedestal and gracefully glides down toward Max. Max attempts to catch her, but they end up falling down on the ground. They giggle for a while, then look at each other. Max sighs. Roxanne puckers her lips for a kiss. Suddenly the sky changes to overcast gray and the wheat changes to thorns. Roxanne gasps and draw away, shocked. The camera switches to Max, who now has incredibly large buck teeth.
- Max:
- (partly mumbling) What's wrong?
Max now notices his teeth. Then his ears grow, and his hands. Roxanne gasps. Max continues to grow and change until he looks exactly like his father, Goofy. Roxanne screams. Max feels a Goofy laugh force it's way out of his throat like the howl of some wild animal. Lightning Flashes. Suddenly, we are in Max's bedroom. Max gasps and awakes from sleep. He checks his head and his teeth and sighs when he realizes it was just a dream. The phone rings. Max is started by it, fumbles the receiver while answering it, drops it on the floor, then picks it up.
- Max:
- Hello? [cough] Hello?
- PJ:
- (on phone) Max? Where the heck are you, man?
- Max:
- PJ?
- PJ:
- (on phone) You should have been here an hour ago!
- Max:
- What? What are you...Hold on.
Max hits his alarm clock which was showing 4:02. The numbers spin then show 7:50.
- Max:
- Oh, no!
Max leaps out of bed and begins to dress while still on the phone.
- PJ:
- (on phone) Look, maybe we should just call the whole thing off!
- Max:
- No way, man! It's now or never!
Max gets tangled in the phone cord and falls.
- PJ:
- Well, you better get a move on! I'll meet you at my locker!
Max gets untangled from the phone cord and hangs up. Max's father, Goofy, open the door to Max's room. Goofy is dressed only in towels and has a vacuum cleaner with him.
- Goofy:
- Morning', son!
- Max:
- Dad!
Max's pants have fallen to the floor when he hung up the phone. He now yanks up his pants out of embarrassment.
- Goofy:
- Oops! I forgot! [shuts door, knocks, then opens it again] Morning', son! I came to see if you had any...dirty...clothes...
Goofy notices that then entire floor is covered with dirty clothes.
- Max:
- Well, there they are! Help yourself!
Max is still trying to get dressed.
- Goofy:
- Max, I thought we talked about this.
- Max:
- Yeah, look, I'm sorry, Dad. I'll take care of it later!
With his sweatshirt only half on he bumps into Goofy. Goofy helps him get the shirt on the rest of the way.
- Goofy:
- What's the big rush?
- Max:
- I'm running late.
- Goofy:
- Well, I could drive you on my way to work.
Goofy begins to vacuum up the dirty clothes.
- Max:
- Uh, no thanks. I..uh..I need the exercise.
- Goofy:
- Aw, come on, Max!
Goofy allows the vacuum nozzle to get too close to a cardboard cut out of a singing rock star. The head of it gets sucked in. Max, who was almost out the door, shrieks. He grabs the cut out, while Goofy holds the vacuum. Finally, Max turns off the vacuum and extracts the cut out, which has been curled in a couple of places.
- Max:
- Aw, Dad! You ruined it!
- Goofy:
- Sorry about that. Who was he, anyway?
- Max:
- It's only Powerline, Dad. The biggest rock star on the planet.
- Goofy:
- Oh, not bigger than Xavier Cougat, The Mambo King!
Everybody mambo! Mambo, mambo, mam-bo!
Goofy begins mambo-ing with Max.
- Max:
- Aw, come one, there's no time for this! What if the neighbors see us, huh?
Max extracts himself from Goofy and dashes out the door. Camera switches to the front of the house. Max has exited out the front door. Goofy comes around from the back.
- Goofy:
- Maxie! Wait up! You forgot your lunch! Have a good day!
Goofy kisses Max. A few skateboarders passing by see it and start laughing. Max grins embarrassed and waves, then gets a scowl on his face.
- Max: (singing)
- They've been laughing since I can remember,
But they're not gonna laugh anymore!
No more "Maxie the geek"!
No more "Goof of the week" like before!
- Girl tearing up test: (singing)
- No more algebra tests 'til September!
- Boy: (singing)
- No more looking at losers like him!
- Boy with crib notes on arm: (singing)
- No more having to cheat!
- Another Boy: [steals Max's lunch] (singing)
- No more mystery meat!
- Yet Another Boy: [snapping jock strap] (singing)
- No more gym!
- YetAanother Another Boy: [snapping jock strap] (singing)
- No more gym!
- YAAABoy: [snapping jock strap] (singing)
- No more gym!
- YAAAABoy: (shouting)
- No more gym!
- Girl with credit cards: (singing)
- Gonna move to the mall!
- Beach Boy: (singing)
- Gonna live in the pool!
- Max: (singing)
- Gonna talk to Roxanne and not feel like a fool!
- All: (singing)
- 'Cause after today I'm gonna be cruising!
- Max: (singing)
- After today she'll be mine!
- All: (singing)
- After today my brains'll be snoozing!
- Max: (singing)
- If I don't faint, I'll be fine!
- Twin Girls: (singing)
- I've got forty more minutes of Home Economics!
- Twin Boys: (singing)
- Then down with the textbooks...
- Trekkie Boy: (singing)
- And up with the comics!
- Max: (singing)
- Just think of all of the time I've been losing
Finding the right thing to say! - All: (singing)
- But things'll be going my way, after today!
Roxanne passes by Max. Max waves, but Roxanne does not see him.
- Max: (singing)
- She looked right through me!
And who could blame her?
I need a new me,
Plus some positive proof
That I'm not just a goof! And...
- All: (singing)
- After today I'm gonna be cruising!
- Two Girls in black: (singing)
- No more pep rallies to cut! (spoken) Yech!
- All: (singing)
- After today my brains'll be snoozing!
- School Bus Driver: (singing)
- I'm gonna sit on my butt!
- Max: (singing)
- I've got less than an hour
And when this is ended,
I'll either be famous...
- Principal Mazur: (singing)
- Or you'll be suspended!
- All: (singing)
- Just think of all of the time I've been losing
Waiting until I could say:Gonna be on my own, kiss the parents good-bye!
Gonna party from now 'til the end of July!
Things'll be going my way after today!
school bell rings
- Max: (singing)
- I wish that this was the day after today!
Max is now at the top of the bleachers. He starts to step down, but trips and tumbles down, falling flat on his face at the bottom. Lots of kids laugh at him then walk away. Roxanne comes over and helps him up.
- Roxanne:
- Are you all right?
- Max:
- Yeah, yeah, I'm okay, I just ah, duh,...
Max then sees it's Roxanne and gets completely tongue-tied. Roxanne chuckles. Max starts laughing, the emits a Goofy "Uhyuck!" He covers his mouth and dashes away, tripping over some garbage cans. He looks back at Roxanne for a moment, then runs away with an cry of anguish. Roxanne looks down at the ground for a moment. The school bell rings again. We cut to inside the high school.
- Max:
- I can't believe I did that! She finally says "hi" to me and what do I do? I joke! Uhyuck! Like a big spaz!
- PJ:
- Where have you been, buddy?
- Max:
- Hi, Peej. Did you get the camera?
- PJ:
- Look, Max, if my Dad catches me with this he'll kill me! Are you sure we gotta do this?
- Max:
- It's my only chance, Peej. To Roxanne I'm just a nobody! But after today...
Max and PJ are suddenly flooded with light. Max squints into it.
- Max:
- Bobby!
Bobby is drinking at the fountain with a straw. Max and PJ examine the video equipment on a dolly.
- Max:
- Wow! All this is for us?
- Bobby:
- Mmmmm. Slurpage!
- Max:
- Oh, this is going to be so great, man!
Max begins to wheel video equipment away. Bobby grabs it back.
- Bobby:
- Dude, need fundage, bro.
- Max:
- Oh, your fee! Yeah, yeah! Right here.
Max reaches into his backpack, and brings out a bag, handing it to Bobby. Bobby reaches into the bag and pull out an aerosol can. A look of ecstasy comes to his face.
- Bobby:
- Cheddar! [wolf howl] Cheddar Whizzie!
He sprays an enormous amount of the cheese into his mouth. Max and PJ look close to nausea. Bobby smacks his lips and coughs, spraying Max and PJ with cheese.
- Bobby:
- Spe-scrumptious! Let's do it, ladies!
Cut to school auditorium. Entire school body is there, making noise and throwing paper. Stacey is at the podium in the middle of the stage.
- Stacey:
- As student body president, I just want to say, like, "yea" to all of us for a really neat year.
- Trekkie:
- Yo, Stacey! Talk to me! Talk to me! Talk to me, babaaaay!
- Stacey:
- And also that I hope you can all attend my totally amazing end-of-school party next Saturday to watch the Powerline concert live on Pay-per-view.
Students cheer this announcement.
- Stacey:
- Thank you. Thank you very much. And now, without further ado, Principal Mazur.
Sudden silence falls. The microphone squeals as Mazur begins to speak.
- Mazur:
- Thank you, Stacey! And good morning, boys and girls! You know, every year, on the last day of school, I have several youngsters approach me and say, "Principal Mazur, what can we do to not waste our summer vacation? We don't want to waste our free time sleeping or visiting friends..."
- Boy:
- Say, uh, Roxanne. About Stacey's party...
Cut to Max, who can see the Boy talking to Roxanne through a part in the curtain. He closes the curtain, and zips up his Powerline costume.
- Max:
- How are you, uh, how are you doing down there, Bobby?
- Bobby:
- Don't give me that attitude, you guys. I'm doing it all for you.
- PJ:
- This is nuts! I don't know why I let you guys talk me into this. If my dad finds out, he's gonna nuke my entire existence!
PJ trips on the wires backstage and partially goes under the curtain. Max picks him back up.
- Max:
- Oh, I hope this works!
Cut back to Mazur, with a spotlight on him.
- Mazur:
- ...how about Science Slumber Parties!
The spotlight goes out.
- Mazur:
- Wha...
Max puts on his shades and gives a thumbs up. It is echoed by Bobby and PJ. A button is pressed. Rock music begins. A large screen begins to rise behind Principal Mazur.
- Mazur:
- Wha...
Mazur notices the screen rising.
- Mazur:
- Hey!
Max appears on the screen. Bobby pulls a switch.
- Mazur:
- I'm not going to...
A trap door open up under the podium and it and Principal Mazur disappear down it. Bobby laughs. Max starts his lip synching.
- Max: (lip synching)
- Some people settle for the typical thing:
Living all their lives waiting in the wings.
It ain't a question of if, just a matter of time
Before I move to the front of the line.
I watch you watching every move that I make
You gotta believe that I got what it takes.
Max trips over one of the wire back stage and rips through the screen, tumbling to front center stage. The students scream their approval.
- Music:
- To stand out above the crowd
Even if I gotta shout out loud.
Max is amazed to see the reception his act is getting. He especially notices the rapt gaze of Roxanne in the front row. Bobby laughs and tickles PJ over the success of the plan. Both give Max a thumbs up.
- Music:
- 'Til mine is the only face you'll see.
Gonna stand out 'til you notice me.
Bobby turns on a CO2 fire extinguisher.
- Bobby:
- A little smokage! Arooo-oo-ooo!
- Max: (lip synching)
- If I make you stop and take a look at me
Instead of just walking by,
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
If it was getting you to notice I'm alive.
Bobby hands PJ a rope with a hook on it. PJ sneaks under cover of the CO2 fog and hooks Max's belt from behind.
- Max: (lip synching)
- All I need is half a chance
A second thought, a second glance
Will prove I got whatever it takes.
It's a piece of cake.
PJ gives Bobby the cue, who yanks on the rope and Max goes flying around the room.
- Music:
- To stand out above the crowd.
Even if I gotta shout out loud.
- Girl (same one with credit cards):
- Wow! Who is that guy?
Max grabs a basketball and slam dunks it. As he swings back, he reaches out for Roxanne's outstretched hand.
- Music:
- 'Til mine is the only face you'll see. Gonna...
Just as Max's hand is about to reach Roxanne's the music dies. Max goes tumbling, finally ending up by Principal Mazur, who removes his shades.
- Boy's Voice:
- Hey, it's the Goof Boy!
- Bobby:
- We're busted!
Cut to a child photography studio in a discount store. Goofy is attempting to make a child smile by squeaking a rubber duck and making baby sounds.
- Goofy:
- Come on, smile! Smiley wiley!
The child is on the verge of tears.
- Goofy:
- Aw, come on, Kimmie! Gimme a big...
With a strong squeeze, the squeaker on the rubber ducky pops out and Goofy swallows it. He squeaks when he tried to speak. The child likes it and breaks into a big smile. Goofy takes advantage of this to begin taking pictures and playing peekaboo with the child. Pete come up behind Goofy, slaps him on the back and knocks the squeaker out of Goofy's throat.
- Pete:
- Stop goofing around! We got work to do!
- Goofy:
- Okay, Kimmie, back to mommy, now!
The child is reluctant to leave Goofy but finally waves bye-bye.
- Mommy:
- Oh, you have such a way with children!
- Pete: (mocking)
- You have such a way with children! Pleh!
Goofy approaches a little girl and her mother waiting for a picture.
- Goofy:
- Okay, now! Who's next over he...
Pete knocks Goofy out of the way.
- Pete:
- Step aside, Goof. Let a pro show you how it's done. Okay! Who's next over here? Heh, heh! Oh, hello precious..
The little girl kicks Pete.
- Pete:
- Doh!! Ow! You lucky woman! Come on here, honey! It's picture time!
The little girls giggles and hides.
- Little Girl:
- Peekaboo!
- Pete:
- She's so cute!
- Little Girl:
- Peekaboo!
Pete finally catches her.
- Goofy:
- Gosh, Pete. You sure are good with kids!
- Pete:
- Oh, yeah. Well, they love me.
Pete is holding the little girl by the collar. She attempts to hit Pete and fails.
- Pete:
- Why, PJ, he's been begging me to take him on vacation this summer.
- Goofy:
- Really? Where are you going?
Pete velcros the little girl to the set floor.
- Pete:
- Camping! Nothing like the great outdoors to strengthen the bond between a father and his son.
- Goofy:
- Oh, Max would never go for anything like that!
Goofy gives the little girl a stuffed Bambi.
- Pete:
- I don't know, Goof. Something's wrong when a kid won't spend time with his parents. Why, for all you know he's running around with some gang and stealing stuff and causing riots...
Pete takes the stuffed Bambi from the little girl who cries.
- Goofy:
- No, Max is a good kid. He'd never get mixed up in something like that!
With a loud boom, we cut to the main office of the high school. Max and Bobby and sitting, waiting their turn to speak with the Principal. Miss Maples, a secretary, is typing and humming the funeral march. Max is totally depressed.
- Max:
- I'm a failure--complete loser! My one chance to impress Roxanne and I blew it!
Bobby reveals something he has been working on for a while.
- Bobby:
- Uh, huh! Max! Look! It's the leaning tower of cheeza!
Bobby stuffs the cheese in his mouth. PJ comes out of the Principal's office with a vacant look on his face.
- PJ:
- Oh, man! My dad is going to smash me like a bug!!
- Bobby:
- Hey, PJ! Detention! [laughs]
- Mazur:
- Robert Zimmeruski.
- Bobby:
- (nervously) Okay, I'm coming! Max, here. [hands Max can of cheese] Guard this with your life, dude!
Bobby wheels the dolly of video equipment into Principal Mazur's office. You can see Mazur's collection of paddles in the background. Bobby gives Max a double thumbs up.
- Bobby:
- Hey, Mazu-ur! What's up, bro!
The door to Principal Mazur's office shuts. Max puts his head in his hands. Roxanne and Stacey come by the office.
- Stacey:
- (fading in) ...with all those kids in my house the place will be like a sauna so I'm all freaked out, but then I though, "Like, use it!" So my theme is gonna be: "Powerline Goes Rain Forest"! Too much? Roxanne, are you listening?
Roxanne is looking at Max.
- Stacey:
- Ahhhh!
Roxanne walks over to Max. Stacey gives Roxanne a push towards him.
- Roxanne:
- No, I don't want to...
- Stacey: (whispering)
- Talk to him!
Roxanne clears her throat a couple of times. Max still has his head in his hands and pays no attention. Roxanne shrugs at Stacey.
- Stacey: (whispering)
- Tap him!
Roxanne taps Max who immediately sits up, startled. Roxanne's books and papers go flying. Max looks at Roxanne and smiles. He gets up out of the chair then starts to help Roxanne pick up the papers and books.
- Max:
- Gosh, I'm..I'm sorry.
- Roxanne:
- It's okay. Really.
Max and Roxanne reach for the same paper at the same time and Max's hand touches hers. They stay that way for a moment, then Max withdraws his hand, a bit embarrassed.
- Roxanne:
- Um, I liked your dance.
- Max:
- Yeah. Yeah? Uh, Yeah! It's from Powerline's new video!
- Roxanne:
- I know! He's, he's totally a genius!
- Max:
- Uh, yeah! He, he's doing a concert next week in L.A.!
- Roxanne:
- Oh, yeah! Stacey is showing it at her party.
- Max:
- Yeah!
- Roxanne:
- Yeah!
Max fidgets and fumbles for a while.
- Max:
- Um, uh, Roxanne, I was, uh, sorta kinda thinkin' that maybe I'd, uh, ask you to [cough] go with me, that is, to the ... party. Of course if you don't want to I'd completely understand!
- Roxanne:
- Well, I was, sorta kinda thinking that ... I'd love to!
- Max:
- Yeah?
- Roxanne:
- Yeah!
- Max:
- Good!
- Roxanne:
- Great!
- Max:
- Terrific!
- Roxanne:
- Wonderful!
- Max:
- All right!
- Roxanne:
- Okay!
Stacey grabs Roxanne's arm and beings to drag her away.
- Stacey:
- Come on, Roxanne. We don't want to belabor the moment, now, do we?
- Roxanne:
- Well, I'd better be going.
- Max:
- I'll, uh, call you later!
- Roxanne:
- Okay! Bye!
Roxanne backs into the door. Giggles nervously, then with a final "Bye." leaves the office.
- Stacey:
- See? That wasn't so bad! I told you men are easy to deal with!
- Max:
- Yes! She said yes! Woo hoo hoo! Everybody mambo!
Max grabs Miss Maples and beings to mambo with her.
- Miss Maples:
- It's not my break yet!
Hearing the commotion, Bobby and Principal Mazur come out of the office.
- Bobby:
- Yeah! Dance with her! Groove with her!
- Mazur:
- Miss Maples!
- Miss Maples: (sing-songish)
- Yes sir!
- Mazur:
- Get that boy's father on the phone at once!
- Miss Maples: (sing-songish)
- Right away, sir!
Cut to Goofy answering the phone at the Discount Store.
- Goofy:
- Hello.
- Mazur:
- Yes, Mr. Goof. This is Principal Mazur. I'm calling in regard to your son, Maximillian.
- Goofy:
- Max? Oh, my gosh! Is he hurt?
- Mazur:
- No, Mr. Goof. He's in trouble!
- Goofy:
- Trouble? What kind of trouble?
- Mazur:
- Dressed like a gang member..
- Goofy:
- Gang member?
- Mazur:
- ...your son caused the entire student body to break into a riotous frenzy!
- Goofy:
- Riot? It couldn't be my...
- Mazur:
- If I were you, Mr. Goof, I'd seriously re-evaluate the way you're raising your child before he ends up in the electric chair!!
- Goofy:
- The electric chair? [He lets the phone drop.] What am I gonna do?
Goofy is suddenly bathed in a beam of blue light.
- PA:
- Blue light special on aisle 3. Blue light special on aisle 3.
Following the light, Goofy is drawn to a display of small ceramic figures of a goof fishing. Goofy bobs the head of one of the figures which bounces around a while.
- Goofy:
- Lake Destiny!
Cut back to the photo studio. Pete is about to get a picture of the little girl who is still velcoed to the set.
- Pete:
- Okay, kiddo, now smile!
She gives a big smile, but suddenly, Goofy's face is in the viewfinder.
- Goofy:
- Lake Destiny, Idaho!!
- Pete:
- Lake Whodawhata...
- Goofy:
- You were right, Pete. Nothing like the great outdoors to strengthen the bond between father and son! You said so yourself!
- Pete:
- Well, yeah, but, ah...
Goofy dances away.
- Goofy:
- I'm going fishing! I'm going fishing with my boy!
- Pete:
- Yah! Okay, precious, give me a big smi...
Only the diaper remains on the set. The little girl giggles as she runs after Goofy.
- Girl:
- Fishy! Fishy!
Cut to front of high school. The final bell rings and students come dashing out. Max walks out with a smile on his face and a vacant look.
- Boy:
- (to Max) Cool concert, lad!
- Max:
- What?
- Another Boy:
- Wellll, bud!
- Girl (same as with credit cards):
- Hey, Max. Wicked dance!
- Max:
- Thanks!
Stacey comes by and pushes the girl away.
- Stacey:
- Forget it, girl. He's Roxanne's.
- PJ:
- Way to go, man! [he jumps on Max's shoulders] I just heard about you and Roxanne!
- Max:
- Oh, Peej!
PJ starts giving Max noogies. Max dumps PJ off.
- PJ:
- See? See? I told you our plan would work! (chanting) Max! Max!
- Max:
- Peej, knock it off!
- Bobby:
- Maximum! Maximum!
- Cheerleaders:
- Max! Max! Max!
More and more students join in the chant until the entire student body is chanting "Max! Max!" Max is pleasantly shocked. He dances his way home.
- Music:
- All I need is half a chance
A second thought, a second glance
Will prove I got whatever it takes.
- Max: (lip synching)
- It's a piece of cake.
- Music:
- To stand out above the crowd.
Even if I gotta shout out loud.
'Til mine is the only face you'll see.
Gonna stand out.
Stand out.
Stand Out. (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Stand Out.
'Til mine is the only face you'll see.
Gonna stand out so you notice me.
Max kicks the gate of his home open and walks through. Goofy is loading the car with a lot of stuff.
- Max:
- Going somewhere, Pop?
- Goofy:
- Sure are, Pal-a-roony!
- Max:
- Cool! Well, have a good time, Dad! If you're gonna be gone more than a month, drop me a line!
- Goofy:
- But, Max, this isn't just my vacation. It's a vacation with me and my best buddy!
- Max:
- Oh, Donald Duck?
- Goofy:
- No, silly! With you!
Spin shot to Max with a shocked expression. Max faints.
- Goofy:
- Are you okay, Maxie?
Max comes to.
- Max:
- Wha..What did you say?
- Goofy:
- That's right! A vacation, son! We'll spend some real quality time together!
- Max:
- I think I'm gonna be sick!
- Goofy:
- Hey! Got a present for you!
Goofy grabs Max and proceeds to change his clothes to Max's protests. Max is shown with a complete fishing outfit on, with an inflatable life vest. Goofy pulls a cord and the vest inflates, making Max look like a rolly polly.
- Goofy:
- You look just like I did at your age!
- Max:
- Please don't say that, Dad!
- Goofy:
- Wait! I saved the best for last!
Goofy removes a case from behind his back and blows the dust off it.
- Goofy:
- It's been handed down from Goof to Goof to Goof! And now, it's yours, son!
Goofy opens it to reveal a fly casting rod.
- Max:
- A stick?
- Goofy:
- No, silly! A fishing pole!
- Max:
- Fishing? We're going fishing?!
- Goofy:
- Yup! Just like my dad and me did! Two best buddies fishing on Lake Destiny, away from it all!
- Max:
- I don't want to be away from it all, Dad! I like it all!
- Goofy:
- Hey, look, Maxie! We're using the same map me and my dad used! We'll take the same route and make the same stops and see the same sights...
- Max:
- But that trip would take weeks, Dad!
- Goofy:
- Exactly! Getting there is half the fun!
Max pushes the map away.
- Max:
- Put the map away, Dad. It's not gonna happen, I'm telling you, it's not...
- Goofy:
- Careful, son. You'll wrinkle my past. And our future! What the map says, Max, we will follow!
- Max:
- That's very mystical and everything, Dad, but, uh, seriously, there's this party I have to go to...
- Goofy:
- Oh, there'll be plenty of time for parties when you're older, Maxie. Why, when I was your age I'd never even been invited to a party! And look at me now!
- Max:
- Great, Dad!
- Goofy:
- [opens car door] Hop in, Maxie!
- Max:
- [closes car door] No.
- Goofy:
- [tries using sympathy] All right, then. Guess I'll just have to go...all alone. That's all. Just sit in the boat...all alone. And talk to myself...all alone.
- Max:
- (brightly) I guess so!
- Goofy:
- [opens car door] Aw, come on, hop in!
- Max:
- [shuts it] No, Dad!
- Goofy:
- [opens it] Just hop right in there!
- Max:
- [shuts it] No!
- Goofy:
- [opens it and stuffs Max in] Come on, Maxie, go for it!
- Goofy:
- We're ready for take off!
Goofy goes around to his door and gets in.
- Goofy:
- Set for adventure, Maxie?
- Max:
- Why are you doing this to me, Dad?
- Goofy:
- 'Cause I don't want you to end up in the electric chair!
He hugs Max which deflates the life vest.
- Max:
- The electric chair? What are you...
- Goofy:
- I'm not giving up on you, son. Together, we're gonna work this out.
- Max:
- Work this out? But, Dad...
- Goofy:
- No buts about it, Maxie Boy! Your ol' pop knows best!
Goofy starts the car and back out.
- Goofy:
- Goodbye, house! Goodbye, mailbox!
Goofy runs over his fence while turning into the street.
- Goofy:
- Goodbye, pile of broken wood!
- Max:
- Goodbye, hopes. Goodbye, dreams. Goodbye, Roxanne. Roxanne! Dad, I gotta stop somewhere first! I have to talk to someone!
- Goofy:
- Well...
Max grabs the steering while, and the car swerves down a side street. After knocking over a few things, the car stops in front of Roxanne's house. Max gets out of the car.
- Goofy:
- Now, make it quick, Maxie boy. We gotta put some road behind us!
Max walks up to the front door.
- Max:
- You get to cancel your first date in less than an hour!
Max rings the doorbell.
- Max:
- Must be some kind of lame-o record!
The door opens to reveal a rather mean looking person who growls at Max.
- Max:
- Hi! Is Roxanne home? Oh, My name is Max. Does Roxanne live here? Does she even live on this block?
- Roxanne:
- Wait! It's okay, Daddy. Max is a friend from school.
Roxanne's father lovingly pats Roxanne, then growls at Max again. He turns and goes back inside.
- Roxanne:
- Go on. Go on. Good Daddy. Hey, Max.
Max mumbles something.
- Roxanne:
- You wanna, uh, have a seat?
Max mumbles something, then helps Roxanne to sit on her porch railing. Roxanne's father, peeking through the mail slot growls at Max. Max puts his hands behind his back and grins nervously.
- Roxanne:
- Daddy!
The mail slot closes.
- Roxanne:
- I promise he'll be better behaved when you pick me up for the party.
- Max:
- Yeah, that's, uh, sorta why I came by.
- Roxanne:
- I'm really looking forward to it, Max.
- Max:
- Yeah, I was, too.
- Roxanne:
- (disappointed) Was?
- Max:
- Well, you see my dad's on this stupid father/son kick, and...
- Roxanne:
- Oh, don't worry about it, Max. It's just a dumb party.
- Max:
- No, it's not! Roxanne, I really wanted to go with you. I...
- Roxanne:
- No, Max, I understand. Really, sometimes these things happen...
- Max:
- My dad surprised me, I don't even want to go, but I have no choice.
- Roxanne:
- I'm sure I can find someone else.
- Max:
- Someone else?
- Roxanne:
- I'll just talk to you later.
- Max:
- (thinking quickly) Um, uh, Roxanne, uh, my dad is, uh, My dad's taking me to the Powerline concert in L.A.!!
- Roxanne:
- Your dad is taking you clear across the country just to see a concert?
- Max:
- Well, uh, you see, my dad, uh, knew .. knows! Knows Powerline! They used to play together! In a band! Yeah!
The car horn honks.
- Goofy:
- Come on, son! Let's get this show on the road!
- Max:
- Just a minute, you ... party ... animal, ... you.
Goofy looks confused, then grins.
- Roxanne:
- You're really serious!
- Max:
- Absolutely! So uh, you aren't still thinking of going with someone else, are you?
- Roxanne:
- Well, I guess...
- Max:
- Because I was hoping I could, uh, wave to you on-stage when we join Powerline for the final number!
- Roxanne:
- This is incredible!
- Max:
- Well, I wouldn't miss our date for anything that wasn't incredible, Roxanne.
Roxanne kisses Max on the cheek. Max dreamily staggers back to the car.
- Roxanne:
- Have a great time at the concert, Max.
Max mumbles something.
- Roxanne:
- I'll see you on TV!
Reality hits Max that he has said something he can't possible follow through with.
- Max:
- I'm in deep sludge!
Fade to Max and Goofy, leaving the city. Goofy is driving and running a video camera at the same time.
- Goofy:
- Day One: Well, here we are, out on the open road! Retracing the steps of my boyhood. And here's Maxie! Say, "Hi", Max!
Max is totally depressed. And pays no attention.
- Goofy:
- Well, how about a wave?
Max puts his hand in front of the lens.
- Max:
- Not now, dad.
- Goofy:
- What a kidder!
Goofy puts the camera down, then notices that Max look really depressed. He gets an idea and takes out a list from one of his pockets.
- Goofy:
- (to himself) Fun games I used to play with my dad. Road Bingo. Twenty... (to Max) Hey, Maxie! Let's play a game. You think of a name, and I'll try and guess who it is. Uh, man or woman?
- Max:
- (disgusted) Oh, man!
- Goofy:
- Man, huh? Hmmmm. That's a toughie! Let's see. Walt Disney!
- Max:
- (showing no interest) Right.
- Goofy:
- I'm good at this! Now, I'll think of one.
Max turns on the radio which plays acid rock. Max starts doing air guitar.
- Goofy:
- Oh, you want to sing a song, huh? Me and my dad used to sing this one all the time!
Goofy puts in an 8-track tape which interrupts the rock music and starts playing "High Hopes". Goofy sings along. Max changes back to rock music. Goofy changes back to High Hopes. It goes back and forth until they break the radio.
- Max:
- Oh, great, Dad! Now we don't have any music!
- Goofy:
- Oh, Maxie, it's not so bad. We'll just have to entertain ourselves!
The beat is established by the car keys. The car backfiring joins in. Goofy starts to whistle the tune.
- Goofy: (singing)
- Do you need a break from modern living?
Do you long to shed your weary load?
If your nerves are raw and your brain is fried,
Just grab a friend and take a ride
Together upon the open road!
(speaking) C'mon, Maxie!
- Max: (singing)
- All in all I'd rather have detention!
All in all I'd rather eat a toad!
An old man drives that's such a klutz
That I'm about to hurl my guts
Directly upon the open road!
- Goofy: (singing)
- There's nothing can upset me 'cause now we're on our way!
Our trusty map will guide us straight and true!
- Max: (singing)
- Roxanne please don't forget me! I will return some day!
Though I may be in traction when I do!
- Goofy: (singing)
- Me and Max relaxing like the old days!
- Max: (singing over Goofy)
- It's far worse than dragon breath and acne!
- Goofy: (singing)
- In a buddy-buddy kind of mode!
- Max: (singing over Goofy)
- I'm so mad I think I may explode!
- Goofy: (singing)
- When I see that highway I could cry!
- Max: (singing)
- You know, that's funny, so could I!
- Both: (singing)
- Just being out on the open road!
- CW Girls in pickup: (singing)
- Howdy boys! Is this the way to Nashville?
- Tow Truck Driver: (singing)
- Watch it, Mack! or you'll be getting towed!
- Con in paddy wagon: (singing)
- I'm in no hurry to arrive
'Cause I'll be turning sixty-five
The next time I sees the open road!
Goofy looks at the con, then at depressed Max, imagining Max in a striped prison uniform. He drives away quickly.
- Small Driver: (singing)
- Just a week of rest and relaxation,
- Large Wife: (spoken)
- Yeah!
- Small Driver:
- (singing) And the odd romantic episode!
- Max:
- (spoken) Very odd!
Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck are hitchhiking.
- Mickey: (singing)
- And it's Californ-eye-ay or bust!
- Little Old Lady From Pasadena: (singing)
- Look out you dirtbags! Eat my dust! From now on I'm on the open road!
- Goofy: (singing)
- It's me and little Maxie, my pip-squeak pioneer!
- Nuns: (singing)
- Their car edges forever "Westward Ho!" (spoken) Ye Haw!
- Max: (singing)
- Could someone call a taxi and get me out of here To Beverly Hills 90210?
- All: (singing)
- Oh, every day another new adventure!
Every mile another new zip code!
And the cares we had are gone for good!
- Max: (singing)
- And I'd go with them if I could!
- All: (singing)
- I got no strings on me!
I'm feeling fancy free!
How wonderful to be on the open road!
The car drives off into the sunset. We fade to the next day. Goofy is driving with the map in front of him so he can't see. Max is moping. The car drifts left of center. Max glances up and his expression changes to concern. A truck horn blow. Max looks alarmed. The truck horn blow again. Max grabs the steering wheel and turns the car back into the right lane just as the truck goes by.
- Max:
- Dad, you're gonna get us killed! Why don't you just give me the map?
- Goofy:
- Oh, no thanks, son. Navigating's a big responsibility! Besides you wouldn't want to spoil the big surprise. I'm taking you someplace pretty special!
They pull into a rather seedy looking attraction called Lester's Possum Park and stop.
- Goofy:
- Gosh! It's even better than I remembered!
Cut to a mother attempting to drag her daughter through the entrance to the park, which resembles the mouth of a possum.
- Girl:
- No! Mommy! I don't want to go!
- Max:
- (unenthused) Yeah, fun! Tell you what: I'm just gonna wait right here in the car.
- Goofy:
- You party pooper! Come on! This is gonna be fun!
Cut to the interior of a small old theater.
- Old Possum:
- Howdy there, folks. Lester's is proud to present the Possum Posse Jamboree. Here it is.
Several patrons clap for the show as Goofy and Max enter.
- Goofy:
- Oh, good! We're just in time!
The curtain opens and shows four holes in the ground. Out of one of the holes comes a mechanical possum which has obviously seen better days.
- Lester:
- Howdy, folks! Who's your favorite possum?
Several patrons shout "Lester!"
- Goofy:
- I got us a seat right up front!
- Lester:
- Let me introduce you to the posse! There's Buford, Beulah, and Mordechai!
Each pops out of a hole. Mordechai has a terrible electrical short.
- Mordechai:
- Hey, Lester, ready for yodeling?
- Lester:
- Sure am, Buford.
- Lester: (singing)
- Now gather 'round, my possum pals, and join the jamboree. Come hoot 'n' howl 'n' holler from the heart!
- Max: (speaking)
- This is pathetic!
- Lester: (singing)
- And every chicken, pig, 'n' goat'll
help by yelpin' out a yodel
Here at Lester's Possum Park!
- Lester:
- (speaking) Join in, folks! It's yodelin' time!
Many patrons join in the yodeling including Goofy. Max just looks disgusted.
- Lester: (singing)
- Lester's Possum Park.
Max is getting more and more disgusted at the show.
- Lester: (singing)
- Well don't you want to be, a'hanging from a tree? We're mighty glad to see ya and the parking's always free!
[Lester begins to break down]
- Lester: (singing)
- Here at Lester's Po-Po-Po-
[The Old Possum thumps the side of the stage.]
- Lester: (singing)
- Possum Park!
Goofy is catching it all on video. He then sees a souvenir stand and gets an idea.
- Goofy:
- Hey! That's the ticket! I'll be right back, my little possum pal!
- Max:
- My life's a living...
- Lester:
- Hello, little buddy!
A man in a Lester Possum costume comes up to Max. Max turns his back on him and tries to ignore him. Lester comes around to Max's front.
- Lester:
- Who's your favorite possum?
- Max:
- Don't touch me!
- Lester:
- Aw, why such a long face? You're so sad! Boo hoo hoo! I know! You need a big hug from Lester!
- Max:
- Don't even think about...
Lester gives Max a giant hug.
- Lester:
- See? Now you feel all good inside!
Max slaps Lester which turns his false head backwards.
- Max:
- Beat it, Doofus!
Lester staggers off unable to see where he is going. He is knocked down and dragged off by several kids.
- Max:
- Oh, no! No, Dad! Not that! Not that! Please!
Goofy comes back wearing a dead possum hat and puts one on Max.
- Goofy:
- Here you go, sport! Let's say we get our picture taken!
Cut to a little girl crying while her picture is taken.
- Max:
- You have got to be kidding.
- Goofy:
- Oh, all right, but you're missing out!
Max soon hears a lot of people laughing. Goofy is hanging upside down between two possums to get his picture taken.
- Goofy:
- Hiya, son!
- Kid:
- Hey, everyone! Check out the dork!
- Photographer:
- Say, "sassafras".
- Goofy:
- Sassyfrass!
The branch breaks and Goofy falls to the ground. This sends one of the two possums hurdling toward Max and it hits him in the face. The possum then crawls down Max's sweatshirt. Max beings to jump around in an attempt to get at the possum. A couple of musicians start playing country music, mistaking Max's gyrations for an attempt at dance. Goofy see Max just as Max manages to get the possum out of his pants.
- Goofy:
- That's the spirit, Maxie!
Goofy grabs Max and starts dancing with him.
- Max:
- No, don't Dad! This is embarrassing!
Goofy finally finished the dance with Max on his knee.
- Kid:
- It's Dork and Dork Junior!
Max listens to everyone laughing at him and his dad, takes the hat off his head, throws it to the ground and fights his way out of the crowd. He goes to the car only to find it locked. He pounds his fists on the door just as it starts to rain. He walks to the highway and starts hitchhiking. A passing car sprays him with water, but he continues to hitchhike. Goofy comes out.
- Goofy:
- Max! Hey, what the heck are you trying to do?
- Max:
- Trying to get away from you!
Max leaves the highway and goes back to the car.
- Goofy:
- From me? What'd I do?
- Max:
- Forget it!
- Goofy:
- I thought we was having fun. What's the matter?
- Max:
- Nothing. Let's just go. Come on!
Goofy sadly unlocked the door and Max gets in. Goofy goes around and gets in too. He then hands Max the hat he threw away.
- Goofy:
- Oh, you dropped your hat.
Max blows up, rolls down the window and throws the hat away again.
- Max:
- This is the stupidest vacation! You drag me from home, you jam me in this dumb car then drive a million miles away and see some stupid rat show!! Call me when the trip's over!
Goofy sadly starts the car and drives off. We fade to a campground. Goofy is setting up a tent, and Max is sitting on a rock by a river. He is stirring the water with a stick. In the ripples, he imagines he sees the face of Roxanne. Suddenly, Goofy steps in the middle of her image.
- Goofy:
- (tentatively) Hey, Max. You wanna get in some fishing practice? Just a couple of days 'til we get to Lake Destiny.
- Max:
- Maybe later.
Max wanders off. Goofy sadly returns to the tent, and begins to unroll a sleeping bag. While in the tent, a huge RV rolls over the top of the tent and proceeds to produce a hot tub, a basketball court, a bowling alley and a swimming pool. Max comes back to see what's happening.
- Max:
- Woah! Now that's camping!
Goofy is still in the tent, unaware of the RV over him.
- Goofy:
- You say something, Max? Ow!!
A door on the back of the RV folds down hitting Goofy on the head. Out of the back of the RV steps Pete.
- Goofy:
- Pete?
- Pete:
- Goofy? What a serendipity do dah! Who'da thunk it, huh?
- Max:
- Is PJ here?
- Pete:
- Oh, yeah. I'm sure he's loafing around here somewhere.
Cut to the inside of the RV. PJ is buffing the floor and dusting while listening to Powerline on the stereo. He is singing along.
- Max:
- What a goob!
PJ begins treating the buffer like a microphone, still singing along. Max turns off the stereo. PJ, oblivious, keeps singing.
- PJ: (singing)
- Even if you got to shout out loud! No matter what you look it's Max and ... (spoken) Max!
- Max:
- Hey, hey, hey!
- PJ:
- Woah! Small wilderness, dude! Didn't expect to run into you.
- Max:
- Apparently not!
- PJ:
- You're just jealous man, 'cause you ain't got the moves!
- Max:
- Yeah, you can keep the moves. But I wouldn't mind having this RV. You're so lucky, man!
- PJ:
- Me? Aw, come on! You're the star!
- Max:
- Wha..what are you...
- PJ:
- Going to the Powerline concert! Aw, it's unbelievable, man!
- Max:
- Who told you about that?
- PJ:
- Hey, come one! Everybody in town knows about it, Max. You are gonna be famous, buddy! Especially with Roxanne.
- Max:
- There's, uh, only one person who doesn't know about it yet, Peej.
- PJ:
- Who?
- Max:
- My dad.
Cut to the roof of the RV where Pete and Goofy are. Pete begins to go bowling.
- Pete:
- So tell me, Goof, is that kid of yours still giving you guff?
- Goofy:
- Oh, I don't know what's wrong. Just seems like everything I try only drives Max further away. Maybe I ought to just back off, I don't know...
- Pete:
- Wrong, Goof! Look, if you keep'm under thumb, they'll never end up in the gutter!
Pete bowls and gets nine pins leaving one standing.
- Goofy:
- Too bad, Pete. Almost.
- Pete:
- Almost? Heh! Watch this! PJ!!
PJ comes running up to the roof.
- PJ:
- Yes, Sir! Coming, Sir! Yes, Sir!
Pete points at the pin. PJ goes over and kicks it down.
- Pete:
- Woohoo! Strike-ola! Yeeha! Thank you! Thank you! Yes! And the crowd goes wild! High five, son! Hike! Say, Goof, why don't you two stay for dinner?
- Max:
- Cool!
- Goofy:
- Oh, no thanks, Pete. Max and I have some fish to catch!
- Max:
- Aw, Dad, we can do that tomorrow. So, uh, what are we having?
- Goofy:
- But Max, I thought...
- Pete:
- [clears throat] Under you thumb, Goof!
- Goofy:
- Maximillian!
- Max:
- What?
- Goofy:
- Get your gear, little man. We're going fishing! And I mean now!
Max goes off, disgusted. Goofy winks at Pete who winks back. In their fishing gear, they enter the river with their rods.
- Max:
- Dad, I don't even know how to fish.
- Goofy:
- Oh, now come on. That never stopped me! Let me show you a little family secret that's been handed down for about twelve or thirteen Goof generations: The Perfect Cast!
- Max:
- The Perfect What?
- Goofy:
- The Perfect Cast! My dad taught it to me when I was about your age. Okay now, watch carefully. You gotta be loose. Relaxed. With your feet apart, and... Ten o'clock. Two o'clock. Quarter to three! Tour Jete! Twist! Over! Pas de deux! I'm a little teapot! And the windup...
Goofy's line goes all the way back to where Pete is Barbecuing steaks. The hook grabs a steak.
- Goofy:
- And let 'er fly!!! The Perfect Cast!
The hook with the steak go sailing and land on the bank of the river a fair ways away in the middle of a large footprint. Two feet that match the footprint then come up. It's bigfoot. He is chewing on a log. He stops and sniffs, then sees the steak.
- Goofy:
- And now, we reel 'er in.
Bigfoot is about to take the steak when Goofy starts to real it in. Bigfoot chases the steak and finally catches it. He bites it and is pulled by Goofy.
- Goofy:
- Quick! Get the camera!
They manage to get back to the bank and Max hands the camera to Goofy.
- Goofy:
- Must be over three pounds! I don't wanna miss this!
Through the viewfinder of the camera, you see bigfoot.
- Goofy:
- (in an awed whisper) Look, Max!
- Max:
- Uh, duh, duh, dad ... It's Bigfoot!
- Goofy:
- Could you back up a bit Mister Foot? You're out of focus.
Bigfoot roar and Goofy and Max start running. The steak sails back at Pete and hits him in the face.
- Pete:
- What's the idea of...
He sees Max and Goofy running from Bigfoot.
- Pete:
- Bigfoot!
Pete grabs the BBQ, throws it in the RV, retracts all the equipment attached to the RV and drives off, leaving Goofy's tent where it was. Goofy is running backwards getting Bigfoot on video.
- Goofy:
- Behold the legendary Bigfoot! Fabled but seldom...
Goofy trips over the tent and the camera goes flying. Max tries to get in the car.
- Max:
- It's locked!
- Goofy:
- Quick! The sun roof!
Max and Goofy dive through the sun roof and Goofy starts rolling the window closed.
- Max:
- Hurry up!
Bigfoot is coming fast. Goofy is still rolling the window closed.
- Max:
- Hurry up!!
The window closes just as Bigfoot gets there. He rocks the car back and forth for a moment, then notices all the equipment Goofy had unpacked. He goes to investigate.
- Max:
- I can't believe it! Bigfoot!
- Goofy:
- And I've got the only video!
- Max:
- We're gonna be famous!
Bigfoot has discovered the camera and is pulling the tape out in shreds.
- Max:
- (disgusted) Let's just get out of here.
Goofy feels for the keys but Bigfoot has found them outside and tosses them away. He then continues rummaging through their equipment. Fade to late evening. Goofy and Max are still in the car.
- Max:
- Is he gone yet?
Bigfoot does a puppet show using socks. Then goes back to rummaging.
- Goofy:
- Nope, still here.
Max's stomach growls.
- Goofy:
- Gee, Max. Was that Bigfoot or your stomach?
- Max:
- Man, I'm starving!
A can of alphabet soup lands on the hood of the car.
- Goofy:
- Alphabet soup coming up!
Goofy rolls down the window and tries to grab the can. Bigfoot hears and turns around.
- Max:
- Uh, duh, dad...
Bigfoot starts coming towards the car. Goofy gets the can, but can't get it through the crack he left.
- Max:
- Dad!
Bigfoot runs toward the car.
- Max:
- Stop playing around! He's coming!
Max grabs his father's hand and turns it so the can gets through. Bigfoot crashes into the side of the car and is sent sprawling along with a lot of the equipment he dragged along. He lands and a pair of headphones lands on his head, which is playing "Staying Alive". Bigfoot is startled at first, then begins to enjoy it. Cut to the inside of the car where Goofy has just taken the cigarette lighter out of the dashboard. He balances the can of soup over the lighter.
- Goofy:
- Well, it's nice to know this thing's good for something!
While they wait for the soup to heat up, they sit. Bigfoot does the hustle in the background. Max and Goofy catch each other looking at the other and quickly look away. Goofy then smiles and starts to chuckle.
- Max:
- What's so funny?
- Goofy:
- "Hi Dad" Soup!
- Max:
- Huh?
- Goofy:
- Don't tell me you don't remember "Hi Dad" Soup.
Max just looks blank.
- Goofy:
- Oh, come on! Sure you do! You used to spell things out using the letters, like, uh, "Hi Dad" or "Maxie" or...
- Max:
- ..."Ambidextrous"...
- Goofy:
- Yeah, that's...Nah, little words, like...
- Max:
- "Hasta la vista"?
- Goofy:
- Like "Bye bye"!
- Max:
- ...or "I pledge allegiance"...
- Goofy:
- ...or "I love you"...
Both Max and Goofy suddenly look sad.
- Max:
- Is it soup yet?
- Goofy:
- Oh, I almost forgot!
Goofy uses his teeth to create two holes in the top of the can.
- Max:
- Woah! Where'd you learn to do that?
- Goofy:
- Your granddad taught me that when we went to Yosemite.
- Max:
- You two did a lot together, huh?
- Goofy:
- Yup.
Now Goofy looks sad. Suddenly the talk simultaneously.
- Goofy:
- Max, you and I have to...
- Max:
- Dad, listen I have a...
- Goofy:
- How's the soup?
Max drinks and leaves a soup mustache on his upper lip.
- Max:
- Not bad.
Max sees his dad grinning.
- Max:
- What?
Seeing Max with a mustache reminds Goofy of what Max was like as a little boy. He just grins.
- Goofy:
- Nothing.
Bigfoot climbs on top of the car and settles down to sleep.
- Goofy:
- Welp, might as well get some shut eye. I don't think we're going anywhere tonight.
Goofy gets comfortable. Max looks lovingly at his dad, then down at the remnants of the soup in his cup. He fiddles with something at the bottom. Max then taps his father and hands him the cup. Goofy looks at the bottom of the cup to see the words "Hi Dad" spelled out. Goofy gets choked up and looks over at Max, who is settling down to sleep.
- Goofy:
- (whispering) Hi, Maxie.
Scene fades to later that night. Both Bigfoot and Goofy are snoring. Max can't sleep because of the noise. So, he finds a postcard and begins to write.
- Max:
- (writing) Dear Roxanne, Couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd drop you a line. Dad and I are having a great time. We're only days away from L.A. and I can hardly wait for the big concert.
Max stops writing and looks sad. Then looks over at Goofy.
- Goofy:
- (in his sleep) More Hi Dad Soup, please.
Max gets a half smile on his face looking at his dad, then decides to re-write the postcard.
- Max:
- (writing) Dear Roxanne, Sorry I lied, but I'm not really going to the Powerline concert. You may never want to see me again...
He stops when he realizes that won't work either.
- Max:
- Oh, man! I'm dead no matter what I do!
Max stomps his foot on the dashboard. The glove compartment pops open and the map unfolds into his lap. He follow the route on it to Lake Destiny and then looks down to L.A. A pencil rolls out of the glove compartment and conveniently stops, pointing from the route on the map directly to L.A. Max picks up the pencil then starts erasing. He then draws a new route to L.A. The pencil tip breaks just before he finishes. Goofy yawns. Max breaks out in a cold sweat, picks up the pencil tip and finishes the drawing, puts the map back in the glove compartment and sits back nervously as Goofy seems to awaken.
- Goofy:
- How many cups of sugar does it take to get to the moon?
- Max:
- Uh, three and a half?
Goofy goes back to sleep. Max sighs, looks at the postcard and then tears it up. He opens the car window and throws the pieces outside into the wind. The pieces are carried toward the camera. One piece gets caught in a branch close up, with the words, "I lied" written on it. Fade to a truck stop the next morning. The short order cook rings a bell on the order counter.
- Cook:
- Pick up!
- Waitress:
- Hold your horses!
The waitress picks up the food and carries it to Max and Goofy.
- Waitress:
- Short stack?
- Goofy:
- Right here!
- Waitress:
- Here you go, hon. Eggs? Eggs? Eggs!
Max has been staring down at the table, then suddenly comes to.
- Max:
- Oh! Oh! Yeah, yeah! Right here! Sorry.
- Waitress:
- Here you go, cutie.
The eggs and strip of bacon form a face. Goofy digs into his pancakes, then notices that Max, who was so hungry the night before is picking at his eggs and looking nervously at the map. Goofy thinks he knows what the problem is and picks up the map, waving it at Max.
- Goofy:
- Max, I think we need to talk about this.
- Max:
- Huh?
- Goofy:
- Seems to me you need to start taking some responsibility around here.
Goofy taps his water glass with his fork.
- Goofy:
- Excuse me. Uh, can I have your attention please? [clears throat] I, Goofy, hereby dub my son, Maximillian, official navigator and head which-wayer of this here road trip!
Truck stop patrons clap and cheer.
- Max:
- Seriously?
- Goofy:
- I'm not even looking at the map anymore. As a matter of fact, you can pick all the stops from here to Lake Destiny. I trust you wholeheartedly, son. To the open road!
Goofy picks up his water glass. Max does the same.
- Max:
- To the open...road!
With Goofy driving and Max navigating, the continue their journey, stopping at a beach, where Goofy has a terrible time with a jetski, they change a flat tire, at an amusement park Goofy can't stomach the roller coaster, at a monster truck rally where Goofy can't stand the noise. Max notices this and decides his dad needs something he likes, so their next stop is the amazing house of yarn--one of the stops on Goofy's map. A stop in New Orleans is next with an unfortunate encounter with a mime, they change another flat tire, they visit Carl's Butt Caverns and awaken the bats, and speaking of bats then attend a baseball game where they get an autographed baseball by very unusual means, The change another flat tire, and pull into the "Neptune Inn" motel for the night. They take a couple of suitcases and open the door to the room.
- Goofy:
- Gosh!
Max notices the waterbeds with goldfish.
- Max:
- Woah ho ho! Check out the bed!
- Goofy:
- Check out the dresser--coral!
Max turns a mermaid lamp off and on.
- Max:
- Nice lamp!
- Goofy:
- Classy choice, there, navigator!
There is a pounding on the door.
- Voice:
- This is the police! We've got the place surrounded, see! You Goofs come out with your hands up!
Goofy slightly opens the door. Pete kicks it in and pretends to shoot Goofy and Max. He then starts laughing.
- Pete:
- You should have seen the look on your face!
- Goofy:
- You really had him fooled, Pete!
- Max:
- Me? You jumped out of your skin!
- Goofy:
- Uh uh! I was just pretending for your sake!
- Max:
- Oh, right! Sure!
- Goofy:
- Did to!
- Max:
- Did not!
- Pete:
- Oh, ain't this sweet! (aside to Goofy) Don't let him fool you with that buddy-buddy act, now. Under your thumb!
Pete thumbs Goofy's nose.
- Pete:
- So, since we're all being palsy-walsy here, how about letting me hook up the RV?
- Goofy:
- Well...
- Pete:
- Oh, it's just a tiny little extension cord. You'll hardly even notice it.
- Goofy:
- Okay.
- Pete:
- Great! PJ!
PJ comes in hauling an enormous array of ducts and cables. Pete points into the room. PJ hauls it all in.
- Pete:
- Hey, Goof. Why don't you order us some pizza? This might take a while.
Goofy gets the pizza, then brings it in to PJ and Max.
- PJ:
- ...no I mean it, they...
- Goofy:
- Here you go, kids. I'm gonna go check out the hot tub.
- PJ:
- Oh, okay, sir!
- Max:
- All right.
- PJ:
- (to Max) I can't believe you, man. Whatever made you think your dad would fall for a stupid idea like that?
- Max:
- It wasn't stupid!
- PJ:
- Come on, it was really stupid! Changing the map?
Pete was just about to enter when he hears PJ. He decides to listen.
- Max:
- Look, I didn't know what I was doing, all right? I...I was... I was panicked!...
Goofy gets in the hot tub and is joined shortly thereafter by Pete.
- Pete:
- Taking a break from the MTV generation, huh? Heh, heh. Can't say as I blame you.
Pete gets into the hot tub and a lot of water spills out due to Pete's size.
- Pete:
- People are always putting too much water in these things.
Pete settles into the pool.
- Pete:
- So, um, you and your son seem to be, uh, getting along just hunky dory, huh?
- Goofy:
- Yeah, it's been great! You know, it's funny, but none of your techniques worked for me. The harder I tried the worse it got. Once I eased up, things just clicked!
- Pete:
- Oh, that's swell! So, uh, no problems then, huh?
- Goofy:
- Not a one!
Pete fakes reluctance to tell Goofy what he heard.
- Pete:
- I...I just hate to be the bearer of bad news, but, uh,...
- Goofy:
- What is it, Pete?
- Pete:
- Your kid's duping you!
- Goofy:
- What do you mean?
- Pete:
- Well, I heard the little mutant telling PJ that he changed the map so...you're heading straight to L.A., pal!
- Goofy:
- (Stunned) What?
- Pete:
- Oh, you tried, Goof. He's just a bad kid, that's all!
- Goofy:
- I don't believe you.
- Pete:
- What?
- Goofy:
- I don't believe you, Pete.
- Pete:
- Well, hey! Don't take my word for it. Check your map!
Goofy gets out of the hot tub.
- Goofy:
- I don't need to check the map. I trust my son. You know, maybe Max isn't all the things that you think a son should be, but, he loves me.
- Pete:
- Hey! My son respects me!
- Goofy:
- Yeah...
Goofy leaves. Pete calls after him.
- Pete:
- Check the map, Goof!
Goofy walks back to the room, but decides to get in the car instead. He reaches for the glove compartment, then stop. He thinks, gets upset and pounds the steering wheel and starts to get out. The glove compartment pops opens and the map spills out. Cut to an aerial shot of the motel with Goofy's car centered. Goofy goes back to the room.
- Max:
- Hi, dad. Sorry about the mess. I'll clean it up.
Goofy looks absolutely dumbstruck and disillusioned. He gets in bed and turns off the light.
- PJ:
- (whispering) I think I better go.
- Max:
- (whispering) See ya, Peej.
- PJ:
- (whispering) Don't forget: Powerline!
- Max:
- Shhhhhh!
Goofy still has that look of disillusionment and sadness as he lies in bed. The shot twists and fades to the next morning as Goofy is driving with the same look. He looks over at Max who nervously grins. A sign comes up showing a junction with only left and right turns. Goofy grabs the map and gives it to Max.
- Goofy:
- Well, here you go, navigator. Just follow my route on the map, son.
- Max:
- Okay.
They pass another sign pointing right to Idaho and left to California.
- Goofy:
- Here comes our junction.
Max looks at the map from Lake Destiny to L.A., torn.
- Goofy:
- Okay, Max, now this is it: left or right?
Max still can't decide.
- Goofy:
- Come on, Max!
Finally, Max at the last minute makes his decision.
- Max:
- Left!!!
The car scrapes the center divider as they barely make it up the left ramp. Max looks back, then sighs. Goofy look honestly angry. Max nervously smiles.
- Max:
- How about a song, Dad?
Goofy gets angrier.
- Max:
- A game? A game! Yeah! Yeah, a game! Okay! Uh, man or woman?
Goofy gets even angrier.
- Max:
- Man? Man! Okay! Uh, Walt Disney!
Goofy swerves the car to a scenic overlook and stops the car. He fumbles with the seat beat, gets out and stomps over to the stone wall at the edge of the overlook, fuming. Max sighs, realizing that his dad is on to him and resolves to tell him what's going on. He gets out of the car and goes over to him.
- Max:
- Dad, listen, about my directions...
Goofy turns his back on him.
- Max:
- Will you listen to me? I gotta tell you something, Dad!
Goofy turns his back again.
- Goofy:
- Why bother? I'm probably too stupid to understand anyway, right?
- Max:
- Oh, forget it!
Max gives up and walks back to the car. He kicks a tire and then leans on the hatchback. The car rolls forward and leaves Max sprawling in the dirt.
- Max:
- Hey, hey, hey! The car!
- Goofy:
- What? Now you want to drive too?
- Max:
- No, Dad! The car! Look!!
- Goofy:
- Oh, the car!
They begin chasing after the car as it rolls down the mountain highway.
- Goofy:
- What'd you do now, Max?
- Max:
- I didn't do anything, Dad! I only touched it!
The car goes under a low underpass and knocks their equipment off. Goofy steps on a skateboard and Max joins him. They catch up with the car and Goofy manages to grab the door handle.
- Goofy:
- You locked it!
- Max:
- I locked it? It's your door. You locked it!
Max goes around to the other side and gets in.
- Goofy:
- Well, you distracted me!
Max rolls down the window and pulls Goofy half into the car.
- Max:
- You should have put the brake on!
- Goofy:
- Why don't you just put it on yourself?
Goofy attempts to set the brake, but it comes off in his hand.
- Max:
- See? You ruin everything!
The car has dislodged the retaining fence and Goofy is being shaken by the posts as the car rolls over them.
- Goofy:
- Well, you ruined the vacation!
The car sails into the air and bounces on some rock formations.
- Max:
- I ruined it?
bounce.
- Max:
- I never...
bounce.
- Max:
- ...wanted to go...
bounce.
- Max:
- ...on this stupid...
bounce.
- Max:
- ...vacation!!!
The car make a final dive into the river. Max gets separated from the car, but manages to swim back to it. Goofy is hanging from the side of the car.
- Max:
- Now, look where you got us, Dad!
- Goofy:
- Where I got us?
Goofy boosts Max to the roof.
- Max:
- You should'a let me stay at home!
- Goofy:
- Why? So you'd end up in prison?
Max pulls Goofy up to the roof. The car goes through some rapid.
- Max:
- Prison? What are you talking about?
- Goofy:
- Your Principal called me...
- Max:
- It's not what you think, Dad...
- Goofy:
- You even lied to me!
- Max:
- I had to! You were ruining my life!
- Goofy:
- I was only trying to take my boy fishing, okay?
- Max:
- I'm not your little boy anymore, Dad! I've grown up! I've got my own life now!
- Goofy:
- I know that! I just wanted to be part of it!
The car gets past the last of the rapids.
- Goofy:
- You're my son, Max. No matter how big you get, you'll always be my son.
The car slowly drifts downstream and Goofy and Max sadly sit on the roof with their backs to each other. The sun breaks through the clouds and Max finally decides to break the silence.
- Max: (singing)
- There are times you drive me, shall we say, bananas
And your mind is missing, no offense, a screw.
- Goofy: (spoken)
- None taken!
- Max: (singing)
- Still, whatever mess I land in
Who is always understandin'?
Nobody else but you!
- Goofy: (singing)
- Oh, you moodiness is now and then bewildering
And you values may be, so to speak, askew! - Max: (spoken)
- Gezuntheit!
- Goofy: (spoken)
- Thanks! (Singing)
Who deserves a hero's trophy
As we face each catastrophe?
Nobody else but you!
- Both: (singing)
- Nobody else but you!
It's just our luck
We're stuck together!
Nobody else but you!
It's crazy enough to believe we'll come through!
- Max: (singing)
- So your jokes are all, let's face it, prehistoric!
- Goofy: (singing)
- And your music sounds like monkeys in a zoo!
- Both: (singing)
- But when life becomes distressing,
Who will I be S-O-S-ing? - Max: (singing)
- If you're having trouble guessing
Here's a clue!
'Though he seems intoxicated,
He's just highly animated!
And he's nobody else but...
- Both: (singing)
- Nobody else but you!
We've turned into
A true blue duo!
Hard times--we've had a few...
- Goofy: (singing)
- Like we're thrown in the drink...
- Max: (singing)
- Like we're tossed out of town...
- Both: (singing)
- But when I start to sink,
Hey, I'd rather go down
With nobody else but Y - O - you!
Goofy kisses Max
- Max:
- (Spoken) Aw, Dad!
Fade to further down river. Max has apparently explained everything he did and why.
- Max:
- ...Well, anyway. I figure she's never gonna want to talk to me again, much less go out with me. Dumb lie, huh?
- Goofy:
- Well, what do you know. My Maxie -- in love! Gosh, you're really grown up! It happened so fast, I guess I sort of missed it! Welp, I think the only thing for us to do now is to get you up on stage with this Powerline fellow.
- Max:
- Uh, how are we going to do that?
- Goofy:
- Now, you just leave that up to me.
- Max:
- No, Dad, really. I think we should just, you know, forget it.
- Goofy:
- Now, how come you always think I'm going to lead you into some sort of calamity?
Max looks ahead, shocked.
- Max:
- Duh, duh, Dad?
- Goofy:
- What's wrong now?
Max turns his dad's head forward.
- Max:
- Look!!!
The car is approaching a high waterfall.
- Goofy:
- (matter of factly) A waterfall. (panicked) A waterfall?!!!!!
Goofy and Max attempt to paddle upstream and fail. Goofy gets thrown from the car and grabs a rock. Max continues towards the falls on the car.
- Max:
- Dad!!!
- Goofy:
- Max!!
A fishing pole hits Goofy in the back of the head. Goofy grabs it and climbs over the rock formations trying to find a good place to try and reach for Max. He finally gets to a log and climbs to the end of it. He extends the pole towards Max.
- Goofy:
- Grab a hold, Max!
Max tries and misses. The car goes over a rock in the river and flips over. Max gets tangled in a tarp. Goofy tries to stop the car from going over the falls by casting the line to it and succeeds for a moment. then the force of the falls breaks the log and Goofy is dumped in the river. Max and car go over the falls, Max still entangled in the tarp. As he falls, the tarp becomes a parachute and the updraft from the falls carries him up above the falls. Max then sees his father heading for the edge of the falls.
- Max:
- Dad!!
With a final effort, Goofy extends the fishing pole still in his hand towards Max. Max grabs the end. For a moment, the two are dangling above the falls. Then the cork handle of the fishing pole comes off and Goofy begins to fall again.
- Goofy:
- Max!!!!!
Max almost without thinking spins the fishing pole around and starts doing the Perfect Cast.
- Max: (to himself)
- Ten o'clock. Quarter to three. Tour Jete. Twist. I'm a little teapot. Let 'er fly!
The fishing line flies toward the retreating figure of Goofy. Both are soon lost in the mist at the base of the falls. Max begins to worry that he is too late. Then the line goes taut. Max begins to get pulled down but he starts reeling in the line. Soon, the figure of his father can be seen, hooked by the seat of his pants. Max, relieved, reels Goofy in all the way. Goofy with tears in his eyes knows how his son saved him.
- Goofy:
- The Perfect Cast!
Goofy and Max hug each other. The map, blown by the wind land on Goofy's head.
- Max:
- Boy, this has been one crazy vacation.
- Goofy:
- And it's not over yet!
Goofy tosses the map to the wind. The map sails toward the camera and showing Los Angeles. Cut to the Powerline concert. Cars are being directed in. A couple of people are tossing instrument cases into a loading dock. A drum case opens, and Max gets out.
- Max: (whispers)
- Dad?
Max opens a base fiddle base and Goofy falls out.
- Goofy:
- We made it! Come on, Max! Let's get you on stage!
- Max:
- Uh, maybe this isn't such a good idea.
A couple of spandex dressed dancers pass by Max. Max looks at them admiringly.
- Max:
- Uh, then again...
Max notices his dad is nowhere to be seen.
- Max:
- Dad? Dad!
Cut to the stage. Powerline is starting his final number.
- Powerline (singing):
- I got myself a notion
And one I know that you'll understand
We set the world in motion
By reaching out for each other's hand.
Max is under the stage trying to find Goofy.
- Max:
- Dad?
Max looks up and sees Powerline from the back.
- Powerline: (singing)
- Maybe we'll discover
What we should have known all along.
Max has a flash light shine in his face.
- Security Guard:
- What are you doing here? Hey!
Max runs from the guard.
- Powerline: (singing)
- One way or another Together's where we both belong.
Goofy is backstage going through a hall of dressing rooms.
- Goofy:
- Max? Max?
Goofy opens one of the rooms and discovers someone trying to get dressed. She screams. Goofy looks extremely embarrassed. She hits Goofy and he tumbles backwards into a rather large and imposing piece of equipment with a door in the side. The door closes with Goofy inside and then starts buzzing.
- Powerline: (singing)
- If we listen to each other's heart
We'll find we're never too far apart,
And maybe love is the reason why.
For the first time ever, we're seeing it I 2 I.
Through the TV screen, we go back to Stacey's party. Everyone is gathered around the TV hoping for a chance to see Max on TV.
- Bobby:
- That Goof kid ain't there!
Roxanne looks worried.
- Stacey:
- (To Roxanne) Don't worry, he'll be there.
Cut back to L.A. Max is running from the Security Guard and climbs onto a row of lights which rises. The Guard is right behind him. Goofy is now in a large globe, just like Powerline make his entrance in for the final number which begins to rise through a trap door in the stage.
- Goofy:
- Excuse me, but uh...
Goofy ends up center stage with Powerline. Goofy squints into the audience.
- Goofy:
- Max?
Just as with Powerline, Goofy's globe is bathed with electrical charges. Goofy gets the shock of his live and the globe explodes, throwing Goofy at Powerline's feet. Powerline stops and stares at Goofy. Max, from the rafters, sees his dad, is first embarrassed, then gets an idea and shouts down to his dad.
- Max:
- Dad! Dad! Do the Perfect Cast!
Goofy does it, and it looks like some kind of dance. Powerline gets interested and joins Goofy right at the "I'm a little teapot" part.
- Powerline: (singing)
- If you're ever lonely, stop. You don't have to be. After all it's only a beat away from you to me.
The Guard crawls across the scaffolding to Max. Max leaps over him to the other side. The guy wire breaks and Max grabs it. The guard grabs Max's feet and the both go sailing. The guard ends up smashing into a large TV display, and Max ends up center stage with Powerline. Max gets up and starts doing the Perfect Cast.
- Powerline: (singing)
- If we listen to each other's heart We'll find we're never too far apart.
Cut to Stacey's party.
- Bobby:
- Yeah! Max is on the tu-ube! That's Max! I know him!
Roxanne gets a big grin on her face.
- Powerline: (singing)
- And maybe love is the reason why For the first time ever, we're seeing it I 2 I.
Cut to Pete's RV. PJ is scrubbing the floor in front of the TV and sees Max.
- PJ:
- He did it!
Pete comes up behind PJ, sees Max and Goofy, and spits the beer he was drinking on the screen. He stares at the TV with his jaw dropped. Cut back to Stacey's party. Stacey and Roxanne are trying to do the Perfect Cast. Bobby comes by and sprays them with cheese. Bobby bumps into someone and drops the can. Bobby and Stacey reach the can at the same time and their hands touch. They look at each other and smile. The concert finishes with a bang. Fade to later. Goofy is just pulling up in the car in front of Roxanne's house. The car is a total wreck. When they stop, the front bumper comes off.
- Goofy:
- You're doing the right thing, son.
- Max:
- Yeah, I know. But she'll probably never talk to me again.
- Goofy:
- Well, if she doesn't, maybe she's just not the one for you.
- Max:
- That's what I'm afraid of.
Max goes to the front door and rings the doorbell. Roxanne's father answers.
- Max:
- Uh, hi! Remember me?
The door slams.
- Roxanne:
- (from inside) Daddy!
Roxanne opens the door and comes out.
- Roxanne:
- Max? I saw you on TV! You were great!
- Max:
- Yeah? I mean, no, no. I mean, uh,,... Roxanne, I lied to you. I don't even know Powerline.
- Roxanne:
- What are you talking about? A billion people saw you dance with him!
- Max:
- Yeah, well, I never met him before. The concert, that is.
- Roxanne:
- You mean that story about Powerline and your dad... Why would you make up something like that?
- Max:
- I don't know. I guess, I just...wanted you to like me.
- Roxanne:
- I already liked you, Max.
Max looks at Roxanne, shocked.
- Roxanne:
- From the very first time I heard you laugh. "Uhyuck!" So, you want to do something tonight?
- Max:
- Definitely! Oh! Oh no, I can't! I can't.
Roxanne looks at Max distrustfully.
- Roxanne:
- What?
- Max:
- Well, I'm kinda doing something with my dad. Honest! How about tomorrow?
- Roxanne:
- Deal.
Roxanne extends her hand for Max to shake. Max kisses Roxanne instead. They both giggle and Max lets out a full Goofy laugh. He covers his mouth, but Roxanne just smiles. Back at the car, Goofy has managed to get the front bumper back on the car. He grins and points at it. The car explodes. Goofy is sent flying. With a full Goofy yell, Goofy lands head first on the roof of Roxanne porch. Goofy goes halfway through with his head and arms sticking through to the porch area. He chuckles and waves at Max and Roxanne. Max smiles.
- Max:
- Roxanne, I'd like you to meet my Dad!
Goofy takes Roxanne's hand and kisses it.
- Goofy:
- Enchante, Madamoiselle!
They all laugh and the camera rises to the blue sky.
Timon: I can remember HSM3! Watch!Setting: EAST HIGH SCHOOL
(In the Boys’ Locker Room with the Basketball Team and Coach Bolton)
COACH BOLTON
We’ve dug ourselves a hole, and the only way out is on each other’s shoulders. No more X’s and O’s. Forget the scoreboard. Here’s the number that means something……Sixteen minutes left in the game……the season……and for the seniors on this squad……sixteen minutes left in a Wildcats uniform. Captains?(Troy & Chad stand up)
TROY
Hey, you heard Coach. The sixteen minutes are going to stay with us for a long time after we leave East High……so it’s now or never. Chad?CHAD
What team?TEAM
Wildcats!CHAD
What team?TEAM
Wildcats!CHAD
What team?TEAM
Wildcats!(The Basketball Squad run to doors of the gym)
TROY
Did anyone actually wash their lucky socks? The same socks we’ve worn for three straight playoff games……games we won?CHAD
Mine never left my locker all seasonJASON
I kept mine in my lunch bag(Troy nods)
TROY
Zeke?ZEKE
I vacuum-packed mineTROY
That’s what I’m talking about!(The Basketball Team runs into gym)
(East High vs. West High; Everyone in Crowd; Cheerleader Cheer-Off)
(Song: Now or Never)
(On the bleachers with Jimmie and Coach Bolton)
COACH BOLTON
Jimmie Z, you’re in!TROY
Save it for the game, Rocketman, and keep your eyes on me(Song: Now or Never Continues)
(Everyone cheers and lifts Troy up in the air)
(At Troy’s house with Troy, Chad, Troy’s Parents, Chad’s Parents, and Everyone)
CHAD
So……what’d you think of the game?MRS. DANFORTH
Did you have to take it down to the buzzer? I was a nervous wreck!TROY
Back-to-back championships!MRS. BOLTON
Fantastic! But you’re still helping us clean up after the party.(Troy and Chad walk into kitchen to see Zeke; Chad tries to snag a cupcake, but Zeke stops him)
ZEKE
They’re cooling. I’ll let you know when they’re ready! Out of my kitchen, mister!(Troy & Chad walk into the backyard with everyone; Troy walks to Gabriella)
TROY
Hey! Fix you a plate?GABRIELLA
One of everything(Chad, Coach Bolton and Coach Kellog walk over to Troy; Gabriella walks away)
COACH BOLTON
Coach Kellog, you got any empty lockers up at U of A?COACH KELLOG
Not for long I hope(Mr. Danforth walks up)
COACH BOLTON
I bet Charlie Danforth will suit up for you next season, too, if you just ask himMR. DANFORTH
A front-row seat will do just fineCOACH KELLOG
Well, the kind of team play I saw tonight goes a long way with me, and we’re counting on seeing you both in Redhawk uniforms next season, right?CHAD
Done dealMR. DANFORTH
Amen to that, son!(Mr. Danforth, Chad, Coach Kellog & Coach Bolton walk away; Jimmie walks in)
JIMMIE
Dude, great house! Your room is way cool!TROY
You were in my room?JIMMIE
I took a picture. Look. I’m doing mine the same way.TROY
Wow. That’s great, Jimmie. Oh, man, I left the championship trophy in my truck……I hope it’s still there……JIMMIE
Don’t worry, I’m on it!(Jimmie runs away)
(Troy walks over to Gabriella)
TROY
One of everything. Your wish is my command. Now follow me.(Troy and Gabriella climb into a tree house and sit down there)
GABRIELLA
Another top secret hiding place?TROY
You are the second girl ever allowed up here(Gabriella raises eyebrow)
TROY
The other was my mom, and she only climbed up to get me down. I haven’t been up here since I was ten……(Gabriella gives him a look)
TROY
Okay……thirteen(Gabriella continues looking)
TROY
All right, last week. When I was nervous about the gameGABRIELLA
Well, I’m honored. And ready for these……(Gabriella grabs a full plate of cupcakes and they both take one)
GABRIELLA
Was that the coach from U of A down there?
(Troy nods)GABRIELLA
I bet he’s already got your name on a lockerTROY
Yeah, it’s always been my dad’s dream that I end up at his alma matterGABRIELLA
My mom and I have been talking about Stanford University ever since I was bornTROY
And you’re already accepted. That’s so coolGABRIELLA
Except my mom won’t stop talking about it. It’s embarrassingTROY
She’s proud of you. So am I. Everyone isGABRIELLA
The thing about Stanford is that it’s a thousand and……TROY & GABRIELLA
Fifty-three miles……TROY
From here. I know. And now the rest of the school year is coming at us so fast.GABRIELLA
I wish it would all just……stop. At least, slow down.(Song: Right Here, Right Now)
MRS. BOLTON
Troy, you have guests! Hi, Gabriella!
(Troy & Gabriella climb down the tree house)(The next day at East High, a pink mustang comes to school, Sharpay walks down the halls to see Troy and Basketball team at the trophy stand)
SHARPAY
Hi, Troy! When’s the big game?TROY
Yesterday(Sharpay looks at her cell phone)
SHARPAY
Well, good luck! Toodles!(Sharpay walks to her locker, Tiara taps her shoulder, Sharpay startled)
SHARPAY
What are you? I mean who are you?TIARA
Good morning, Miss Evans. I’m Tiara Gold. I’ve just transferred to East High from London and noticed on the board that you were in need of a personal assistant?SHARPAY
Well, with finals, prom, and graduation, I need someone tracking my appointments and assignments. Most important, I need someone to run lines with me for the spring musical. That’s a theater term for……TIARA
Learning your role. I understand. It’s best to keep science and math together, since those are your first classes of the daySHARPAY
How do you know my schedule?TIARA
I took the liberty of checking, simply to make certain I’d have your nonfat, no-foam soy latte ready for free periodSHARPAY
One packet of sweetenerTIARA
Organic, of courseSHARPAY
I’ll e-mail you my wardrobe choices each morning so that our outfits won’t clash. By the way, I like the accent(Sharpay walks away)
(Troy walks into Miss Darbus’ Classroom; Jimmie runs into him)
JIMMIE
Troy, my brother, can I have your gym locker?TROY
What?JIMMIE
Like……starting next week? It’ll help me with the guys next season if you do thatTROY
Why didn’t I think of that?JIMMIE
Oh, man! Another tardy(Jimmie runs down the hall; Troy and all the seniors enter the classroom)
(Sharpay & Tiara walk in the classroom)
SHARPAY
Oh, you can go nowTIARA
I managed to transfer into your homeroom. Just in case I could be of serviceSHARPAY
Some people might be freaked out by you. Me……I like it. Take a seat.(Miss Darbus enters classroom)
MISS DARBUS
All right, settle down. I know we’re all still excited about the Wildcat’s top-to-bottom championship……CHAD
That would be back-to-back, Miss D!MISS DARBUS
In any case, it was a grand slam! Well done! Now, student body president and co-editor of the yearbook, Taylor McKessie has important announcements. Taylor?(Taylor stands up)
TAYLOR
Senior-trip subcommittee meets tomorrow and reports Thursday to prom committee, headed by Martha……Pick up your prom tickets from her. Graduation committee convenes Monday, following yearbook planning. Picture deadline is Thursday. Finals study groups alternate with all of the above. Questions?CHAD
What’s the lunch special in the cafeteria today?TAYLOR
New York Deli. Anyone else?
MISS DARBUS
Moving on. Sharpay Evans, four-term Drama Club co-president……spring musical report?SHARPAY
With prom, finals, and everyone being so busy, we’ll select something very modest to perform. Perhaps even a one-woman show.MISS DARBUS
A little light on the sign-ups, Kelsi?KELSI
Oh, no, actually we’re doing pretty well……(Miss Darbus grabs clipboard)
MISS DARBUS
Well, well, well……almost the entire homeroom. How inspiring!(Everyone looks at Kelsi)
MISS DARBUS
So, I’ll be seeing all of you during free period to discuss the show, and for a very special announcement……TROY
Leave it to Darbus to make free period mandatory(In the Auditorium with the Senior Class and Miss Darbus)
(Everyone crowds Kelsi)
JASON
I’ll be retaking my finals two or three times. I’m moving into the libraryTROY
Kels, I was going to be using free period to work on my truckZEKE
I’ve got five new recipes to nail for my Family Science final(Taylor grabs Gabriella)
TAYLOR
We’ve got a yearbook to edit. So no can do.KELSI
Sorry. I just thought since it was the last show, everyone would want to do itGABRIELLA
Hey. Listen up! Kelsi’s right! We should do this. Jason……Taylor, Martha and I can help you study. Zeke……we’re your official tasters. This is our last chance to do something together, all of us. Something really fun.SHARPAY
Oh, yippieTAYLOR
But how much time will it take?CHAD
And what is the show about?MISS DARBUS
You, Mr. Danforth. The spring musical is all about……youCHAD
Me?(Sharpay faints into Tiara’s arms; Tiara sprays mineral water on her face and she wakes up)
MISS DARBUS
It’s about all of you. And all of you will create it……a show about your last days at East High. We’ll call it……Senior Year!
SHARPAY
GeniusMISS DARBUS
Kelsi will compose, Ryan choreograph……and I’ll do my best to guide you. Now, important news from The Juilliard School in New York City, America’s preeminent college for the performing arts. Yes, for the first time in East High history, four of you are being considered for one available theater arts scholarship. Yes, Juilliard is considering Miss Sharpay Evans……SHARPAY
I’m already packedMISS DARBUS
Mr. Ryan Evans……(Ryan does a small tap dance)
MISS DARBUS
Miss Kelsi Nielsen……KELSI
Whoa! They got my letter!MISS DARBUS
Indeed they did, and finally……Mr. Troy Bolton. Juilliard will send representatives to observe our spring show. So……good luck to our four applicants!(Troy started to laugh)
TROY
All right……who’s the big comedian? Ha, ha, ha. Pretty good, dudeMISS DARBUS
Is there something wrong?TROY
I didn’t apply. I’ve never heard of……JuilliardMISS DARBUS
Well, that may be, Mr. Bolton, but, evidently, Juilliard has heard of you, and as you create this show, then you must dig down and think about your aspirations, your dreams for the future. Line up, please. Let’s begin with Mr. DanforthCHAD
My dreams? U of A. Hoops all the way!MISS DARBUS
Miss McKessie?TAYLOR
My future? I’d like to be president of the United States.JASON
Do we get extra credit for just……like……showing up?KELSI
To write some songs we’ll remember……(Martha runs into the theater)
MISS DARBUS
Martha Cox, you’re late!MARTHA
I had my American Folk Dance class……and thought maybe we could use a few more dancers……MISS DARBUS
I’m feeling the show already! Troy Bolton?TROY
To bust whoever signed me up for this!
MISS DARBUS
And Miss Montez?GABRIELLA
I think we should stage the perfect promSHARPAY
That’s adorable! What do I want? Gosh, I wouldn’t know where to begin……but I know where it ends. Center stage, a single spotlight……a huge marquee that reads……(Sharpay lifts her hands in the air; they all walk away)
(In the Cafeteria with Sharpay, Ryan, Tiara and Everyone)
RYAN
I’ll have the New York Deli Platter, please, double cheese. And throw in that “Big Apple” parfait……if they make it there, I’ll eat anywhere.SHARPAY
How can you think of food at a time like this?RYAN
Maybe because it’s lunchtimeSHARPAY
I’m talking about the show, Ryan! That puppy dog Troy Bolton pretended to know nothing about Juilliard(Sharpay, Ryan and Tiara sat at their table)
RYAN
Troy looked genuinely surprisedSHARPAY
Oh, so the theater fairy magically sent in Troy’s application? Performers can’t fool me, Ryan. They’re deceitful, ambitious and ruthless!RYAN
Aren’t we……performers?SHARPAY
Exactly!(Song: I Want It All)
RYAN
Wait a minute……Ms. D. said there’s only one scholarship availableSHARPAY
We’re twins. They’ll have to take us both. Kelsi always writes her best songs for Troy and Gabriella. So you make certain we get those songsRYAN
How?SHARPAY
Polish her glasses. Buy her some ruby slippers. I don’t know. Just do it!(The next day at the front doors of East High with Gabriella & Taylor)
GABRIELLA
Coming to rehearsal today?TAYLOR
Do I have a choice? You got us into this. Which I don’t understand. Have you even told anyone you’re up for Stanford’s freshman honors program?(Gabriella shakes her head)
TAYLOR
You’re going to hear from them any dayGABRIELLA
I already heard from them(Gabriella’s cell phone rings)
TROY
Look upGABRIELLA
Huh?(Troy waves from the rooftop of school)
GABRIELLA
Gotta go!(At the Rooftop Garden with Troy & Gabriella)
TROY
You’ve got to help me with this. Which one should I wear?(Troy holds up three tuxedos)
GABRIELLA
Because……?TROY
You’re going to have a beautiful dress, and I want to look right.GABRIELLA
I’ve never been asked to a prom, but this almost sounds like an invitation(Troy grabs out two tickets to the East High Senior Prom)
TROY
Will we have to waltz? I really don’t know how to do thatGABRIELLA
All I know is what my dad showed me when I was a little girl. I’d stand on his toes, and he’d waltz me around the living room. Come here(Song: Can I Have This Dance?)
TROY
Is that a yes?GABRIELLA
Yes in every language!(They run back to the hallways)
(In the Locker Room with Troy, Chad, Jimmie and Donny)
TROY
Yo, Rocketman……(Jimmie and Donny walk over)
TROY
You guys wanted our lockers?CHAD
Well, it’s moving day!JIMMIE
Sweet!(Troy and Chad start running with their clothes into the main hallway)
DONNY
Hey, joke’s over, guys!(Troy, Chad, Jimmie and Donny run into the auditorium while everyone was rehearsing)
GABRIELLA
Yearbook opportunity!(Gabriella & Taylor take pictures)
TAYLOR
Got it!MISS DARBUS
Bold choice, gentleman, bold choice. We must all have the courage to discover ourselves. However, at East High, we’ll discover ourselves while clothed. But welcome to our spring musical. And on with the show.(At Gabriella’s House with Troy & Gabriella)
TROY
If my truck falls apart because I’m spending my free time onstage, it’s all on youGABRIELLA
Me?TROY
You think I’d be up there if it wasn’t for you?GABRIELLA
Yeah, I do(Gabriella & Troy head to the backyard)
GABRIELLA
Troy, I watched you in rehearsal. You love it. Why is that so hard for you to admit?TROY
It isn’t to you. But to my dad? To Chad? Yeah, that’s a little hard.GABRIELLA
It shouldn’t beTROY
They’re happy as long as we’re talking about U of A. You chose Stanford……U of A was sort of chosen for me. I haven’t been talking about this with anyone……but I’ve had offers from other colleges. And I’m really listening.GABRIELLA
I get it, Troy. I’ve still got decisions to make, too.TROY
Like what?(Mrs. Montez comes out)
MRS. MONTEZ
I’ve got snacks for you inside……I think I interrupted somethingGABRIELLA
Just talking, Mom(The next day at the Yearbook Room with Taylor, Gabriella, Chad & Troy)
TAYLOR
Kissing up to the yearbook editors. Very smart move.TROY
Chad’s hoping for two pages for himself. Maybe even a third page, just for his hair.CHAD
Hey, what’s right is right. Hoops, by the way, you’ve got to take me after school to check out the whole tuxedo thing.TROY
I’m definitely an expertTAYLOR
Tuxedo? What for?CHAD
Um……prom?(All girls lift their heads up high)
TAYLOR
Honey, if that’s what you call a formal invitation, you’ll be dancing with yourself(Taylor walks away)
(In Sharpay’s Dressing Room with Sharpay and Tiara)
(Tiara holds up pictures of Sharpay)
SHARPAY
Yes! No……No……Yes……No. How many have I approved?TIARA
Sixty-sevenSHARPAY
That’ll do. Deliver those to the yearbook room(Zeke walks in the doorway)
ZEKE
Hey SharpaySHARPAY
Zeke! Cookies? Oh, you don’t have cookiesZEKE
Um……Sharpay……there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you for about a year……SHARPAY
Oh, Zeke, glad you stopped by. You’re taking me to prom. Don’t buy a corsage, it’s being flown in from HawaiiTIARA
I’ve sent the florist a fabric swatchSHARPAY
Daddy will arrange limousine and restaurant(Tiara begins to measure Zeke’s shoulders and arms)
SHARPAY
Your tuxedo will be delivered, but don’t wear it to your ballroom-dance lessons.ZEKE
Dance lessons?SHARPAY
Beginning Monday. Questions? No. Good. Toodles!(Zeke walks away to Jason)
JASON
Well?ZEKE
I didn’t even give her a chance to say no(In the Cafeteria with Troy, Chad, Kelsi, Martha, Gabriella, Taylor and the Wildcats)
TROY
Now or never, dudeCHAD
Okay, okay. I’m going in
(Troy takes the basketball and gives a bouquet of flowers)TROY
The Garden Club is rooting for you(Chad walks down to Taylor, Kelsi, Gabriella & Martha)
CHAD
So, anyway, I was really hoping you’d kind of go to the prom with meTAYLOR
Oh, hi, Chad. Hey, they’ve got Tuna Surprise on the menu. Your favorite.CHAD
The prom. I’m asking you.TAYLOR
It’s so loud in here. You’ll have to speak up.(Troy raises his hand and the cafeteria grew silent; Chad kneels down)
CHAD
Taylor McKessie, will you please be my date to the senior prom?TAYLOR
I’d be honored(Everyone claps and cheers)
(Troy runs down to Chad)
CHAD
Dude, I need to go shoot some hoops. Right away(In the Gym with Troy & Chad)
TROY
Horse!
CHAD
Go again?TROY
Dude, we can shoot hoops all day, but we still got to get you into a tuxedo. No way out, man.(In the Theater with everyone and Miss Darbus)
MISS DARBUS
Kelsi, the music is splendid, Ryan, your choreography is most inventive. Jason, we don’t chew gum in the theater……(Sharpay grabs Ryan and nods toward Kelsi)
SHARPAY
I heard she’s writing something amazing for Troy and GabriellaRYAN
A song, most likelySHARPAY
Find out what it is!(Sharpay pushes Ryan toward the piano right in front of Kelsi)
RYAN
So, hey, how can we make this whole show better? Maybe we could get together?KELSI
I’m in the music room every morning as soon as they unlock the school. Actually, I have my own key, but don’t tell anyone. It’s really early but……I do have a teapot. Come on by!(Jimmie runs to Troy)
JIMMIE
Hey, good job, Troy!TROY
Stop doing that! Look, there’s Sharpay! You didn’t hear this from me, but she has a secret crush on you.(Jimmie walks toward Sharpay, but is interrupted by Miss Darbus)
MISS DARBUS
Mr. Zara?JIMMIE
Call me Rocketman if you want toMISS DARBUS
How generous, and since you’ve been such a……dedicated presence here, I’m making you an understudy.(Tiara walks up to Miss Darbus)
MISS DARBUS
Tiara, you as wellJIMMIE
I’m in! Hey, Donny, I’m IN!!! I’m playing understudyDONNY
Way cool. You rock, Jimmie Z!TIARA
Understudy isn’t a role, you morons. It means you go on if one of the leads can’t make it for the performance.JIMMIE
Oh. Well, you’re one, too.TIARA
The difference being I can actually carry a tuneJIMMIE
Hey, I wouldn’t sing with you if my hair was on fire and you were the last bucket of water on the EarthTIARA
And I wouldn’t sing with you if I were starving and you were the last pickle at the picnic(Jimmie and Tiara look into each other’s eyes)
JIMMIE
Want to have lunch sometime?(Tiara smiles and walks away)
(In the Yearbook Room with Gabriella and Taylor)
(Gabriella hands Taylor a letter)
TAYLOR
Stanford University’s freshman honors program cordially……(Taylor gives Gabriella a big hug)
TAYLOR
Just tell me you’ve already said yes……right?GABRIELLA
I haven’t even told my mom I got the letter.(Taylor gives Gabriella a look)
(Tiara walks in and gives Gabriella Sharpay’s photo album)
(In the Computer Lab with Tiara and Sharpay)
TIARA
They select only thirty freshmen from the entire incoming class. It’s a special three-week honors program.SHARPAY
How prestigiousTIARA
But the program starts in two weeks! She’d miss our……your show.SHARPAY
Oh, my goodness! What to do? Well, the show must go on……mustn’t it?(The next day at East High in the Music Room with Kelsi)
(Ryan enters and plays the first chord from Kelsi’s song)
RYAN
Kind of beautifulKELSI
Stuck on the bridge. Worried about the show……RYAN
Shouldn’t be. It’s sounding good. The prom number was great. So is this one. So……what are you doing prom night?KELSI
It’s two days before the dhow. I’ll be working on charts and fixing orchestrations and probably changing song lyrics right up until……RYAN
Good. Pick you up at eight.(Kelsi & Ryan kiss)
(Song: Just Wanna Be With You)
(In the Auditorium with Ryan, Kelsi, Troy, Gabriella, Miss Darbus, Sharpay and the Wildcats)
(Song: Just Wanna Be With You Continued)
RYAN
Pity the actor who has to follow that in the show. Wait. It might be me.GABRIELLA
The way you dance, you’ve got no worriesTROY
Yeah, we’re all trying to catch up with youSHARPAY
Ryan? Did you get a copy of that song from Kelsi?RYAN
No, but I’m taking her to prom!SHARPAY
Brilliant! Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Now, get me that duet!RYAN
Um……last time I checked, you’re not GabriellaSHARPAY
Don’t be so sure(At Gabriella’s House with Gabriella & Taylor)
TAYLOR
You should be throwing a party, not keeping a secretGABRIELLA
But it starts at Stanford next week! I’ll miss everything!TAYLOR
You’ll come back for prom and graduation. You had enough credits to graduate from East High last December. Sister, your future is calling, loud and clear!GABRIELLA
Stop being my mom for a second and just be my friend! Maybe I like it here. Maybe I want to stay in Albuquerque as long as possible. Maybe I’ll just stay here next year.TAYLOR
What?!!(In the Junkyard with Troy, Chad & Mr. Riley)
TROY
My fuel pump is deceased, Mr. RileyMR. RILEY
Dig around, you’ll find one here. Can’t wait to see you guys play for U of A next year. Already bought my season tickets. Lock up when you leave.(Mr. Riley leaves)
CHAD
Hear that? Season tickets. Time to start practicing, dudeTROY
Take a breather, LeBron. Man, don’t you ever feel like your entire life is already being laid out for you?CHAD
What’s your point?TROY
I just want my future to be……my futureCHAD
See what happens when you do a show? You’re like……five people.TROY
What’s so bad about that? When we used to come here as kids, we’d be ten people! Spies, superheroes, rock stars……we were whatever we wanted to be, whenever we wanted to be it. It was us, man!CHAD
We were eight years old. And for the record, I was a much better superhero than you.(Song: The Boys Are Back)
CHAD
What are you going to do if Juilliard says yes?TROY
I don’t knowCHAD
That’s not what I wanted to hear. I’m getting you back in the gym tomorrow(At Gabriella’s House with Gabriella & Taylor)
TAYLOR
Stay in Albuquerque? That makes no senseGABRIELLA
And why do I always have to make sense? I’ll still go to Stanford. But maybe in a year. I can take classes at U of A. I don’t knowTAYLOR
U of A? You’re not thinking clearly, because you’re thinking about Troy. He’s your first crush. But there’ll be more boys, more Troys.(At Troy’s House with Troy, Chad, Troy’s Parents and Chad’s Parents)
COACH BOLTON
First U of A game is at home against Trinity, but the next game is away……against Tulane.MRS. BOLTON
That’s New Orleans, right?MR. DANFORTH
Road trip!(At Gabriella’s House with Gabriella, Mrs. Montez & Taylor)
MRS. MONTEZ
High school feels like the most important thing in the world. When you’re in it. But that changes.GABRIELLA
Not everything has to change, Mom. I don’t believe it.(At Troy’s House and Gabriella’s House, both at their balconies)
(Song: Right Here, Right Now (Reprise))
(The next day at Gabriella’s locker with Gabriella)
(Troy walks in)
TROY
Okay, prom corsages. Take your pick, because if you leave it up to me……well……GABRIELLA
If you pick it out, I’m going to like it. Unless it’s that one(Gabriella walks away; Sharpay comes in)
SHARPAY
Hi, Troy! I realized I haven’t offered my congratulations
TROY
Thanks, but to tell you the truth, I’m glad the season’s overSHARPAY
I didn’t mean basketball, silly, I meant GabriellaTROY
Huh?SHARPAY
Her missing the show is a little disappointing. But being selected for Stanford’s freshman honors program……well, that’s amazing for her.TROY
I don’t know what you’re talking aboutSHARPAY
Everyone else does. The whole school is buzzing. The honorees get to spend time with Stanford’s top professors in special classes. Starting next week.TROY
Next week?SHARPAY
You really didn’t know? Okay, this is a little awkward. I guess her not telling you means she’s on the fence about it, but who better than Troy Bolton to encourage her to accept that honor, since the only thing possibly holding her back is……you(Sharpay walks off)
(At Gabriella’s House with Troy & Gabriella)
TROY
Pizza’s hereGABRIELLA
I didn’t order pizza
TROY
You didn’t have to. Half vegetarian, half everything else. Oh, and let’s not forget……what’s a picnic without chocolate-covered strawberries?GABRIELLA
You are one crazy WildcatTROY
So, here’s the thing. Your freshmen honors program at Stanford……GABRIELLA
How’d you hear about that?TROY
A lot of people heard about it, but I wasn’t one of them. Why?GABRIELLA
Because I never knew what you would say!TROY
Of course you should to the honors programGABRIELLA
I’ve been thinking of trying to talk my mom into letting me stay in Albuquerque for another year. Take some classes here, go to Stanford when I’m ready.TROY
You just can’t put off something as amazing as Stanford!GABRIELLA
So, maybe I get to be a little crazy, everything about my life has been full-speed ahead. This is the first time I’ve ever even wanted it all to slow down……to a stopTROY
We’re going to graduate. That’s going to happen.GABRIELLA
Does everything feel that easy for you? Lucky you, I guess. I get it, it’s senior year. This is what happens. But you know what, Troy, my heart doesn’t know it’s in high school. Don’t say anything else. I’m way better at saying good-byes than you. I’ve had a lot of practice.(Gabriella kisses him on the cheek)
TROY
Wait, why are you saying good-bye? You’ll be back for prom and graduationGABRIELLA
I meant good-night(Troy leaves)
(Song: Walk Away)
(The next day in the auditorium with the Wildcats and Miss Darbus)
MISS DARBUS
With Miss Montez unavailable to us, the show must go on. Sharpay, you’ll do Gabriella’s duet with Troy, Tiara, are you ready to step in for Sharpay?TIARA
Those shoes are impossible to fill, Miss Darbus.MISS DARBUS
Kelsi will work with you. All right, let’s get going. Where’s Troy?(At Troy’s House with Troy and Coach Bolton)
COACH BOLTON
How’s the big show going?TROY
You don’t want to knowCOACH BOLTON
If I’m honest, I’m glad you’re getting tired of it. I mean, when did you plan to tell me about this Juilliard thing?TROY
Nothing to tellCOACH BOLTON
Well, maybe there is, I’m hearing you’re thinking about other schoolsTROY
U of A isn’t the only school that has talked to me, Dad. You know thatCOACH BOLTON
But it’s the only school we’ve talked about. Hey, Chad would be pretty disappointed if you changed your mind, for one thingTROY
He’d get over it. Would you?COACH BOLTON
We’ve been going to U of A games since you were a little kid. All you ever talked about is being in a Redhawk uniform.TROY
Only thing is, I’m not a little kid anymore. You raised me to make my own choices. I’m the one who needs to make them, not you or Chad or anyone else(Troy runs away)
COACH BOLTON
Hey, Troy……(At East High with Troy walking around various places at East High)
(Song: Scream)
(Miss Darbus walks in and claps)
TROY
Um……I know I’m not supposed to be here, Ms. Darbus……MISS DARBUS
Nor am I, but I’m trying to rebalance a show which Sharpay is now playing Miss Montez. And the reason for you visit is……?TROY
I guess I feel like this is a really good place to……MISS DARBUS
Scream? Feel freeTROY
Or just to thinkMISS DARBUS
The stage is a wonderful partner in the process of self-discovery. You seen very comfortable up thereTROY
I do?MISS DARBUS
Yes. Which is why I submitted an application in your name to JuilliardTROY
It was you?MISS DARBUS
Better to consider these opportunities now, than in ten years when life might limit your choices. If I’ve overstepped, I apologizeTROY
I’m not mad……just confusedMISS DARBUS
What I’ve learned from the stage is to trust one’s instincts. And that takes courage, a quality you don’t seem to lack. Stay as long as you like. Last one out turns off the lights.(Miss Darbus walks away)
(At Stanford University with Gabriella)
GABRIELLA
Well, this is it!(At East High with the Wildcats and Miss Darbus)
(The set falls down on top of everyone)
TROY
Hey, I’m sorry I’ve been messing up your songs a littleKELSI
It’s all of us! And all of us pretty much know why. If it wasn’t for Gabriella, our last musical would just be the Sharpay show(Troy nods and walks away)
(At Stanford University with Gabriella)
(Gabriella begins to sigh when she sees couples)
(The next day at the Bolton’s house with Troy, Chad & Mrs. Bolton)
(Troy and Chad bring in their prom tuxedos)
MRS. BOLTON
Wow, gorgeous!TROY
I’d like to take credit, but Gabriella picked it out
MRS. BOLTON
And I’ve ordered a corsage that’s going to perfectly match her dress(Troy’s cell phone rings)
TROY
Don’t even say that! Gabriella, the prom is in two days. You’re supposed to be on an airplaneGABRIELLA
It’s taken me two weeks to get used to being away from you, from East High, and from all my friends. So I come back and go to the prom and I leave again? And then it’s graduation, and I leave again? I don’t think I can do it. I think I’ve run out of goodbyes, Troy. I really have. I need to stay right where I am. I’m sorry(Gabriella hangs up phone crying)
TROY
She’s not coming backCHAD
What? And miss prom?(Troy nods)
CHAD
Whoa. Hey, that’s lousy, man. It really is. School ends, and you don’t take the girl with you, right? Gabriella is one step ahead, as usual, but now, you snap out of it, dude. We’re all starting over. She’s at Stanford, Taylor’s heading to Yale. We’re at U of A. Whole new ball gameTROY
Maybe I don’t see my life as a ‘ball game’ anymore, okay?(Chad walks away)
(The next day limousines come to East High and the seniors head to the gym)
(Chad and Taylor, Sharpay and Zeke, Ryan and Kelsi, and Martha and Jason dance)(Song: A Night to Remember)
(At Stanford with Gabriella)
(Gabriella walks around the quad with a big oak tree)
(Troy stands up in the tree)
TROY
Figured you’d be the last one out of the building(Gabriella turns around and sees Troy)
GABRIELLA
I don’t believe this!TROY
I took a wrong turn on the way to my prom, and so did youGABRIELLA
You’re so crazy. What is it about you and trees?TROY
I see things clearly from up hereGABRIELLA
You look handsome, but prom is……tonight. In Albuquerque, and that’s a thousand miles awayTROY
My prom is wherever you are, and if I’m going to have a last dance at East High, it’s going to be with you(Troy and Gabriella start to waltz around the quad)
(They soon start to imagine themselves with their friends at the prom)
(In the East High Gym and Auditorium with the Wildcats, including Troy & Gabriella)
(Song: A Night to Remember Continues)
(At Stanford with Gabriella and Troy)
GABRIELLA
It’s the best prom I could have imagined, TroyTROY
Well, if I learned to waltz, it’s all your fault, but it’s not just me who change when you came to East High, kids I used to just pass in the hallway, now we’re all friends. And we’re all supposed to do a show together. East High changed when you got there, and now it’s changed because you left. You may be ready to say good-bye to East High, but East High isn’t ready to say good-bye to you.(The next day in the auditorium for the opening night of Senior Year)
(Sharpay walks to her dressing room, but is caught by Jimmie)
JIMMIE
We haven’t officially met, even though I feel we know each other on a……sort of vibey level. I’m Jimmie ‘the Rocket’ Zara, and……SHARPAY
Jimmie the Rocket? What are you some sort of Muppet gangster.(Sharpay soon sneezes)
SHARPAY
Is that your cologne or a toxic spill?JIMMIE
I bought it for the show. It’s called Babe Magnet
SHARPAY
Get out of my way! Send Troy in to see me; we need to run the song!(Sharpay pushes Jimmie aside and walks away)
(Jimmie’s cell phone rings; it’s a text message from Troy; Donny walks over)
JIMMIE
Hey, it’s Troy. Troy Bolton is sending me a text. Checking in. ‘Been driving all night. I’ll try and get there for the second act. Break a leg’ Break a leg? I don’t get itDONNY
Dude, I think it’s showbiz for ‘you’re going on’JIMMIE
As Troy? Onstage?DONNY
That so rocks!(Donny and Jimmie run to Miss Darbus)
MISS DARBUS
No Troy? Donny, get word to Kelsi.DONNY
Ms. Darbus, I think he stopped breathing!MISS DARBUS
Get him some oxygen! It’s showtime!(Donny runs to Kelsi and whispers in her ear; Kelsi eyes widened)
(Ms Darbus walks onstage)
MISS DARBUS
Welcome students, family, friends, and faculty of East High, to our spring musical. This musical is dedicated to our graduating class of seniors that have worked very hard on this project. The musical is about themselves and how they reflect on their final days at East High. So, without further a do, Senior Year!(Miss Darbus walks away)
(Ryan lays on the piano, and sings with Kelsi)
(Song: Senior Year Spring Musical Medley (Last Chance))
(Whistle blows)
(The Basketball Team and Cheerleaders come out)
(Song: Senior Year Spring Musical Medley (Now or Never))
(The Team and Cheerleaders walk off; Ryan and the Rockettes come in)
(Song: Senior Year Spring Musical Medley (I Want It All))
(Ryan and the Rockettes walk off)
(Sharpay soon walks on the stage)
(Song: Senior Year Spring Musical Medley (Just Wanna Be With You))
(Jimmie runs in dressed in Wildcat uniform and fancy clothes and starts to sing)
(Song: Senior Year Spring Musical Medley (Just Wanna Be With You) Continues)(Sharpay starts to sneeze constantly and runs off the stage)
(Jimmie soon walks off)
(Troy & Gabriella soon come in)
SHARPAY
Perfect! Go for it. Save the day. Whoopee!(Troy and Gabriella walk onstage)
(Song: Senior Year Spring Musical Medley (Just Wanna Be With You) Continues)
(In Sharpay’s dressing room with Tiara and Sharpay)
SHARPAY
That’s my dress!TIARA
Had one made just like it. Only better! I’m playing Sharpay, remember? Do you mind stepping aside? I need to warm up and give a good first impression, since it will be my drama department next yearSHARPAY
You’re not a singer; you’re a London school-girl!TIARA
Yes……London Academy of Dramatic Arts. I took the job with you to learn the theater ropes at East High. Now I haveSHARPAY
But you were so……humble!TIARA
That’s called acting. You should try it sometime!(Tiara walks onstage singing)
(Song: Senior Year Spring Musical Medley (A Night to Remember))
(In Sharpay’s Dressing Room with Sharpay)
(Sharpay starts to pretend boxing and looks at herself in the mirror)SHARPAY
If East High is going to remember one Sharpay……it’s going to be me!(Sharpay lowers down from the ceiling onstage in front of Tiara)
(Song: Senior Year Spring Musical Medley (A Night to Remember) Continues)
(The curtain comes down and everyone claps)
(The curtain rises with the East High Seniors and Miss Darbus)
MISS DARBUS
Ladies and gentlemen, our seniors! Martha Cox. University of Southern California. Dance(Martha bows)
MISS DARBUS
Zeke Baylor. Teen Chef of the Year, Cornell University. Culinary.(Zeke bows)
MISS DARBUS
Kelsi Nielsen. The Juilliard School. Music(Kelsi cries and bows)
MISS DARBUS
Jason Cross. You did it. You graduated.(Jason bows)
MISS DARBUS
Taylor McKessie. Yale University. Magna Cum Laude. Political Science(Taylor bows)
MISS DARBUS
I’m pleased to announce that due to the excellence displayed here this evening, Juilliard has made an extraordinary decision. Another senior is now offered a Juilliard scholarship……Congratulations, Mr. Ryan Evans. Choreography(Ryan cries and bows; Kelsi runs over to Ryan and they kiss)
MISS DARBUS
And as I will be taking a sabbatical next fall, I can now reveal with great pride my choice to run East High’s Drama Department during my absence. Congratulations and thank you……Miss Sharpay Evans.(Sharpay waves at Tiara and her mom and Tiara runs off)
MISS DARBUS
And now, a senior who, I believe, has a decision to make. Mr. Troy Bolton. Troy?TROY
And I’ve chosen basketball, but I’ve also chosen theater. The University of California in Berkeley offers me both. And that’s where I’ll be going next fall. Most of all, I choose the person who inspires my heart, which is why I picked a school that’s exactly 32.7 miles from……you. Gabriella Montez. Stanford University. School of Law(Troy and Gabriella both bow)
MISS DARBUS
Next, Mr. Chad Danforth, University of Albuquerque, Basketball scholarship(Chad runs off)
TAYLOR
He’s gone!(Troy runs to find him)
(In the Gym with Troy and Chad)
CHAD
So I guess when they hand us the diploma, we’re actually done hereTROY
What makes you think we’re getting diplomas?CHAD
One question. Does Berkeley play……TROY
Yep, we’re scheduled to kick the Redhawks’ butts next NovemberCHAD
Game on, hoops!(Coach Bolton runs in the gym)
COACH BOLTON
Danforth! Bolton! Get out there and get onstageTROY
Now there’s something I never thought I’d hear my dad say!(Troy and Coach Bolton give each other a hug and run to the stadium for graduation)
(In the Football Stadium with the Seniors, Miss Darbus, Troy’s Parents, Chad’s parents, Sharpay and Ryan’s parents)
(The seniors walk to the stadium and get their diplomas)
(Song: We’re All in This Together (Graduation Version))
(Everyone sits down and Troy walks on the stage to the podium)
TROY
East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brulee, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor. It’s a place where one person, if it’s the right person……changes us all. East High is having friends we’ll keep for the rest of our lives. And that means we really are……all in this together. Once a Wildcat, always a Wildcat!(Seniors throw their hats up in the air and start running back and forth across the football stadium)
(Song: High School Musical)
(The next day in the Locker Room with Jimmie, Donny and the Basketball team)
(Jimmie and Donny open their lockers)
JIMMIE
They left us their lucky socks!DONNY
Still haven’t been washedJIMMIE
Wow! Those dudes are so cool.DONNY
What team?JIMMIE
Wildcats!!!DONNY
What team?JIMMIE
Wildcats!
DONNY
What team?JIMMIE AND THE TEAM:
Wildcats! Get’cha head in the game!(Jimmie, Donny and Team give each other high-fives
Simba: Thats what we will do! We can tell movies!
"Digga Tunnah"
MS: Nants ingonyama bagithi baba BS: Sithi uhhmm ingonyama MS: Ingonyama
Nants ingonyama bagithi babaTimon: {simultaneously, imitating the singer} Whaaaat's on the menu? It could be ceviche, it's stinky—ooh, it's Pumbaa-aah... Pumbaa: I gotta tell ya, Timon... that song always gets me right here. Timon: Yeah, Pumbaa. {pause} Well, enough of that. {He holds up a remote control and begins fast-forwarding through the movie} {Camera pulls back to show Timon and Pumbaa in silhouette in a row of theater seats, Mystery Science Theater 3000-style.} Pumbaa: Uh... Timon? What are you doin'? Timon: I'm fast-forwarding to the part where we come in! Pumbaa: {aghast} But you can't go out of order! Timon: Au contraire, my porcine pal. I've got the remote! Pumbaa: But everyone's gonna get confused! {He grabs a second, bigger remote} We gotta go back to the beginning of the story. {He begins rewinding the movie} Timon: We're not in the beginning of the story! {He pauses the movie on Rafiki holding up Simba, with a monkey screech; the movie begins fast-forwarding again} Pumbaa: Yes, we were—the whole time! {rewinds; the film reverses on a shot of Timon looking in bewilderment at Simba and Nala's reunion, with a squawk of confusion} Timon: But they don't know that! {indicates the audience; switches the movie direction again, on Nala pinning Simba, with a lion-roar sound} Pumbaa: Then why don't we tell them our story? {pauses the movie on a snarling close-up of the three hyenas; Timon and Pumbaa both shriek and dive under their seats} Timon: {slowly re-emerging} Hey, I got an idea. Why don't we tell them our story? Pumbaa: Oh—I like the sound of that. Timon: A little backstage tour. Take 'em behind the scenes for a revealing and intimate look at the story within the story! Pumbaa: 'Cause what they don't know is how we really were there even though they didn't know we were there, y'know? Timon: Couldn't have said it better myself! {rewinds the movie again} Pumbaa: So does this mean we're going back to the beginning? Timon: {melodramatically} Oh, no, Pumbaa. No. We're going way back... to before the beginning. {The sunrise plays backwards, looking like a sunset; the screen goes black along with African drumbeats; the title "The Lion King" crashes onto the screen, followed by a 2, then a 1, then another 1, followed by a diagonal line which forms the crooked "1 1/2" logo. (In non-U.S. versions, the title is The Lion King 3.) Cracks appear across the screen image, and the black screen shatters and falls from the field of view in fragments, leaving a view of Pride Rock in daylight.} Timon the Sentry
Pumbaa: {reverently} Pride Rock. Timon: So majestic. Pumbaa: So powerful. Timon: So... bizarrely named. {pauses the movie; the silhouettes and the seatbacks appear again} Pumbaa, how can a rock be proud? It's a rock! Pumbaa: Well, I think it's because a "pride" is what they call a group of lions. Timon: Oh, sure, the lions get Pride Rock. And what about us meerkats? Where I come from we didn't have nothin' to be proud of. Why: {clears throat; singing} When I was a young meerkat... Pumbaa: {singing} When he was a young meerkat...! {blows Timon off his seatback} Timon: {peevishly} Very nice. Pumbaa: Thanks! Timon: But maybe it'd be safer if I just show 'em where I came from. Pumbaa: Oh, boy! Do we get to see where you grew up? Timon: Yeah, Pumbaa, but it ain't pretty. {clicks the remote; the view of Pride Rock switches to a full-screen shot} Please remain seated while the camera is in motion. {The camera does a super-high-speed truck-out from Pride Rock, past zebras, grasslands, the Elephant Graveyard, the Gorge, marshlands, the desert, and finally stopping at a dry plain of low mounds of dirt, with a tumbleweed blowing across} Timon: Here we are: from Pride Rock to the pit of shame. We're so low on the food chain we're underground! But you don't have to take my word for it. I'll just let my fellow meerkats do the talking. {"Digga Tunnah" music begins.} Background Chant: Semon pute Meerkats: {chanting, nervously} What was that?!
What was what?! Shh!
What was that?!
What was that?!
Where? What?
Where? Where? Shh!
What was that?! Shh!
Quick, before the hyena come!Guard: CLEAR! {Scenes of the colony of meerkats all busily digging a network of tunnels, singing as they work.} Meerkats: {singing} Digga tunnah,
Dig, digga tunnah
When you're done ya dig a bigga tunnah
Digga tunnah,
Dig, dig a tunnah
Quick, before the hyena come!
DIG!Background chant: Semon pute Meerkats: Digga tunnah,
Dig, digga tunnah
You can dig and never get dunnah
Background chant: Semon pute Meerkats: Digga tunnah, (Dig a little faster)
Dig, digga tunnah
What was that?! {silence as they look from side to side, listening}
Quick, before the hyena come!
DIG!
Digga tunnah is what we do
Life's a tunnah we're diggin' through
Digga tunnah is what we sing
Digga tunnah is everything!
Mud and clay is a meerkat's friend
Always more around every bend
And when you get to your tunnah's end
Hallelujah! Let's dig again!
DIG!
Digga tunnah,
Dig, digga tunnah (Digga tunnah)
When you're done ya dig a bigga tunnah.
Digga tunnah, (Dig a little faster)
dig dig a tunnah.
What was that?! {pause to listen}
Quick, before the hyena come!
DIG!Ma: Timon! Excuse me. Have you seen my son? Has he been through here? Timon! Uncle Max: Digga tunnah, dig, digga tunnah... digga tunnah, dig, dig—Aaaah! {Ma pokes him, scaring him out of his chant} Ma: Uncle Max? Uncle Max: {spooked} Aaahh! Ma: Uncle Max, relax. Have you seen Timon? Uncle Max: {pleased with himself} No, I haven't—and what a day it's been! No fractures, no lacerations, no concussions, contusions or injuries of any sort. As a matter of fact, there's no sign of Timon's handiwork anywhere! {the ceiling cracks and then comes crashing down around them, light streaming in all around; finally there's nothing left of the tunnel but a ring of dirt held up on a narrow protrusion, with Timon standing under it.} Uncle Max: {fuming} That would be... TIMOOON! Timon: {embarrassed} Heh heh heh. Hey, everybody! Meerkat1: Ha ha. Nice work, Timon. Meerkat2: Way to go, tunnel klutz. Meerkat3: Who else could break a hole? Meerkat4: Four in a week—a new record! Ma: {quietly despairing} Not again... Timon: What? {defiantly} It's called a skylight! {The "skylight" crumbles to nothing.} Ma: {trying to salvage the situation} Ho ho. Wow! Isn't that creative. A skylight! Oh, ha ha. {seeking discretion as the better part of valor} I'll just have a word with him. {Ma leads Timon away from the scene of the collapse.} Timon: I... I was just trying to shed a little light on our pathetic existence. Ma: Timon, this can't go on. Just this month, you've pulled down four walls and collapsed two tunnel exits. {She combs Timon's hair} We have to look after each other. Our survival depends on it. Timon: What's the point? All we do is dig so we can hide, and hide so we can dig. {Ma finishes combing his hair, which "poofs" up into a bunch of spikes} I wanna be where we don't have to dig tunnels and live with our heads stuck in the sand. {pushes some grass apart and gazes out over the horizon} What's so bad about dreaming of a better home? Ma: {joins him at the gap in the grass} I wanna show you something. Look, Timon. Go on, look. {Camera pulls back to a panoramic view of the Pride Lands in all their golden-lit majesty, as the "This Land" theme plays} Look out to the horizon, past the trees, over the grasslands. Everything the light touches... {sharply} belongs to someone else! {A record needle scratches; the grasses snap back together and block the view.} Timon: Funny. I thought you were going a whole different direction with this. Ma: What can I say? It's nature's design. Uncle Max: {appears out of the grass suddenly} She's right! We're food for other animals—a moveable feast. Feared by no one and eaten by all! Timon: But when they die, they become the grass. And we eat the grass... right? Uncle Max: Not exactly; we can't digest grass. We're grass intolerant. Ma: {snatches Timon away} Ok, Max. Thank you. You've been a big help. {To Timon} Honey, I— Uncle Max: {appearing out of another stand of grass} Meerkat... it's what's for dinner! Ma: {increasingly sarcastic; pointing meaningfully off into the distance} Thank you, Uncle Max. Uncle Max: {groans at the camera} Uhh. {disappears} Timon: I think Uncle Max dislodged one too many rocks with his skull. Ma: But he's right, Timon. {She tries to comb his hair again; a bug flies by, and she snatches it and squishes it into hair gel} Oh, I just know there's a way for you to fit in here. {Timon glowers from under his plastered-down hair; a single hair springs back up, and he sighs.} Uncle Max: {off-screen, to other meerkats} All right, who's on sentry duty? Ma: {perks up with inspiration; gasps} That's it! That's it—My son on sentry duty! Timon the sentry! {cut to Uncle Max being told of this idea} Uncle Max: {in horrified shock} Timon the sentry?! Why don't you save the hyenas the trouble and kill me now? Just kill me now! Timon: He has a point. Ma: All you have to do is watch for hyenas and yell if you see one. Look at Iron Joe. Iron Joe: {in the middle of a nervous breakdown} Don't close your eyes! Don't look away! Somebody's gotta guard us! Somebody's gotta protect us! {Breaks up in sobs as a couple of meerkat orderlies carry him away, raving, from his post} Timon: Well. Now I'm convinced. Ma: Listen—it's outside, up in the breeze, under the wide open sky—isn't that what you want? {to Max} Or maybe you would rather have him go back on the digging crew. Max and everyone: NO! {Camera switches to the entire colony of meerkats, listening intently, and now pretending nonchalance and clearing their throats} Ma: Good... then we all agree. Timon, listen to Uncle Max. He'll teach you everything you need to know. And honey, {earnestly} try to make this one work. "Look Beyond What You See"
{Cut to the lookout rock, under a small tree. Uncle Max is demonstrating the duties of the sentry.} Uncle Max: {demonstrating} Scurry, sniff, flinch! Scurry, sniff, flinch! {Timon is unimpressed and rolling his eyes} Scurry, sniff, flinch! Good. Now... what do we do if we see a hyena? Timon: Scream "Mommy"? Uncle Max: That's right, mister! Because the world out there is fraught with danger. Fraught, I tell you! Timon: {aside, to the camera, over Uncle Max; sarcastically} Oh, boy. It's the Fraught Fest. Uncle Max: {furiously pantomiming} Even all bloodthirsty hyenas are waiting to rip us limb from limb! Timon: {applauding sarcastically} Bra-vo, Uncle Max. Way to sell it to the cheap seats. Uncle Max: {in his face} Applaud now, sonny boy. {quiet and severe} But try clapping when you don't have any hands! {turns and leaves} {Timon gulps, looking at his hands. Then he takes up his position on the rock.} Timon: Scurry, sniff, flinch. Scurry, sniff, flinch. {marimbas begin; Timon starts to get into it} Huh... I like the sound of that. Scurry, sniff, flinch. {He begins dancing more and more flamboyantly} Scurry, sniff, flinch. Scurry, sniff, flinch. Scurry, sniff, flinch! {"That's All I Need", the sister song to "Warthog Rhapsody", begins.} Timon: {singing} There's more to life than panic
And bein' some other guy's snack—euugh.{The three hyenas pop up from behind a rock in the background, then disappear again} Timon: I may be delicious, organic
But this little entree's fightin' back!
I'm gonna put diggin' tunnels behind me
And live at a new altitude
I'm gonna reach for the stars to remind me
That meerkats are not merely food!
For once I'll be... {steps onto a cloud and surfs into a fantasy waterfall setting}
Lookin' out for me... yeah!
I'll tell you what I want
This cat is movin' on
He's a bon vivant
Who's missin' out on bon
I'd be a bigger cheese
Far from the desert scene
A little cooling breeze
A little patch of green!
And I'll be snoozin' in my hammock by a rippling stream
Many miles from any tunnel and the digging team
Looking after number one will be my only creed
That's all I need {slurps up some bugs}
That's all I need!
{Dancing the "Shuffle Off to Buffalo"}
I've always been good at runnin' away
Well, now I'm gonna run the show-ow
I've always been seen as the ultimate prey
But now my status ain't so quo!{The fantasy and the music dissolve as he improvises, unaware that the three hyenas have surrounded him.} Timon: {improvising} A dream sublime...
It's hyena tiiime... oh!Shenzi: {clapping} Oh, look it's dinner and a show! Banzai: And I thought beans were the only musical food. Ed: {incoherently} Ooh-oooh! Timon: frozen in fear} Hy... Hy... Hy... Shenzi: Well, hi to you too! {smacks Timon, who goes rolling down the hill} Timon: Ayy! Ohh! Ow! Okay... Uncle Max: This is no time for horseplay, Timon. You're supposed to be up there lookin' out for... {sees them approaching, snickering} Hyenas! Meerkats: {they all pop up in terror} Aaaaahhh! {The meerkat colony runs around in a mad chaotic dash for cover} Banzai: Whoa, look at 'em scramble. Shenzi: And that's just how I like 'em... {A group of meerkats, led by Uncle Max, crash in a line right into Shenzi's snout.} Meerkats: Aah! Ooh! Uhh! Shenzi: ...Scrambled. {She slurps them, lifting Uncle Max into the air} Meerkats: Uhh! Shenzi: {seeing the whole colony scrambling about} ...And a little bit runny. {The group of meerkats goes running by, followed by the laughing hyenas, passing Timon who's standing there covering his head} Meerkats: Hyenas! {A hand reaches up and grabs Timon; he strains to stay where he is, but gradually the hand manages to drag him head-first into a hole. It's Ma.} Ma: Get in here! What are you, a meshugginah? {Ed guards a hole, and snaps at a bunch of meerkats who jump into it one at a time; he misses all of them, but blocks the hole before Uncle Max can get in} Ma: Stumpy? (Here!) Flinchy? (Here!) Swifty? (Here!) Oh, what a relief. Everybody's... {gasps} Where's Uncle Max? {Uncle Max is outside, running for his life as the three hyenas pursue him} Uncle Max: Aaaaahh! {Uncle Max makes desperately for a second tunnel entrance, where a bunch of meerkats appear and gasp at the sight.} Meerkat1: Max! Run for your life! Meerkat2: Play dead! Meerkat3: Ándale! Meerkat4: Almost there! {The screen switches suddenly to the QVC shopping channel, where two women are selling a suede handbag.} Woman on TV: Suede is the look for this fall. Of course, that is what's happening up in every magazine. What I like about it, other than you've got that long strap, which can clear your coat... {Timon and Pumbaa are back in the silhouetted theater seats.} Timon: Hey, what's goin' on? Pumbaa, you're sitting on the remote. Pumbaa Huh? Oh, sorry. I thought it was a brownie. {He clicks the remote; we switch back to the scene of Uncle Max's impending demise.} Meerkat5: You've got it, Max! {Max is overtaken by the hyenas; the meerkats all shield their eyes as we hear crunching sounds. Switch to the inside of the burrow, where the meerkats stand in shock; suddenly, Max drops from the ceiling, the fur bitten off his tail.} Meerkats: Max! Is he all right? Uncle Max: I flinched when I should've scurried. {collapses} {The hyenas, guffawing, are walking off.} Banzai: Ha ha! Oh, man! It just never gets old, does it? Shenzi: Ooh, the classics never do, honey. {Camera pans down to where Timon is standing in the midst of all the angry meerkats.} Timon: I, uh... I guess I owe everyone an apology. {pause} All right, so I made a teensy mistake. Like we all haven't broken into song on sentry duty before. Ha ha ha... come on. Let me have a show of hands. {The meerkats all wander off, disgusted; Timon tries to change tactics} Okay. ...Maybe it's a little too soon, but I'm sure we're all gonna laugh about this someday. Trust me. {Uncle Max and the meerkats are all staring at him severely. Soft, emotional music plays.} Uncle Max: I did trust you. Timon: {pause} But... {The meerkats all silently file out, except for Ma. Timon sighs. Scene switch to the rock outside, where Timon is hunched; Ma emerges from the hole and approaches him.} Ma: Ohh. Aw, sweetie. Timon: I'm never gonna fit in here. Nobody even likes me. Ma: Sure they do, honey. Sure they do! Timon: Besides you, Ma. Ma: Uh, besides me? Um, there's, uh... Timon: I have to find my place; but it isn't here. Ma: Yes it is. We just haven't found it yet. But we will... {She combs his hair again} Oh, here's an idea. You can run a trail— Timon: {impatient} Stop with the hair already. My place is out there, Ma. Oh, I may not know exactly where or how far, but I gotta go! Ma: {desperate to try one last idea} No, wait, wait, wait. I know. If we just... Timon: {pointed} Ma. Ma: {pauses, then acquiesces} Well, I hope you find what you're looking for, honey. {Music turns sweet as Timon comes back to embrace her.} Ma: Ooh. Ooh, I love you. Mmm! Timon: I love you, Ma. {Ma keeps hugging him, tighter and tighter until we start to hear crunching sound effects.} Ma: Oh, Timmy. My Timmy. Mmm-mmm... Timon: {strained, muffled} Mom... choking... not breathing... Ma: Ooh. Mmm. Mmm-mmm. Timon {aside} And people wonder why I have issues. {The embrace finally ends.} Timon: {reassuring} I'll be okay! Ma: Oh, I know you will! {wistful} You will. {Ma slowly lets go of Timon's hands. Timon turns away, then begins striding purposefully away into the sunset as traveling music ("Timon's Traveling Theme") begins.} Ma: {calling after him} Be careful! Timon: I will! {Timon marches on a bit further.} Ma: Don't talk to strangers! Timon: I know, Ma! {Timon marches a bit more} Ma: Remember, wash behind your ears! {The music slows; Timon turns impatiently.} Timon: Ma, I'm not a kid any more! {He resumes marching.} Ma: Never go swimming without a buddy! Timon: Got it! Ma: {almost inaudible} Send us a message— {indistinct} Timon: {exasperated} Oy! {He turns back and shouts at the top of his lungs} What?! Ma: I said, send us a message! Timon: What?! Ma: I said, send us a— Timon: {turns back to his path, waves her off} Good-bye, Ma! {Timon sets off in earnest as African music plays triumphantly. He reaches the open grasslands.} Pumbaa's Special Power
Timon: {narrating} And so, with high spirits I boldly ventured off where no meerkat had dared to go before. I put my past behind me, ha! {Nighttime in the Pride Lands} And never looked back... {ends narrative; breaks suddenly into sobbing} Mommy! Mommy—Aah! Ha ha! {Far shot of Timon, revealing that he is standing next to Rafiki's baobab tree}What am I doing? {sobs; shot changes to a close-up} Which way should I go? Rafiki: {appearing upside-down, hanging from a tree} That depends on what you seek. {Timon does a wild take, goes sprawling. Cut back to the theater seats and silhouettes; Timon pauses the movie.} Timon: How convenient. Enter omniscient monkey, right on cue. Pumbaa: Well, you know what they say. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. Timon: That's it. No more fortune cookies for you. {Timon clicks the remote; the movie resumes.} Timon: Hey, where'd you come from? Rafiki: {laughs} Oh, the better question is, where are you going? Timon: {earnestly} Oh, someplace wonderful, mister, where... where y—You didn't happen to catch the song I sang a few minutes ago, did ya? Rafiki: I didn't have the pleasure. Timon: To recap: I want to live in some beautiful place, outside... a carefree place where I don't have to hide or worry. Rafiki: {jumps down next to Timon} Whoo! Hoo hoo hoo! Life without worry. You seek Hakuna Matata. Timon: Harpoon a tomato? Rafiki: Hakuna Matata, it means "No Worries." Timon: Perfect! Mind taking that stick of yours and drawing me a map, bub? {Rafiki smacks him over the head with the stick} Ow! Hey! Rafiki: {goes into his mystic-monkey pose} To find it, you must look beyond what you see. Timon: What the heck is that supposed to mean? Rafiki: It means, look beyond what you see! Timon: {imitating Rafiki} Beyond what I see. Ha. Get a load of the monkey, gettin' all existential on me. Beyond what I see. {sees a frog croaking on a rock} Hmm... Beyond what I see. {pans over to a tree stump a little farther away. Immense and meaningful music starts to rise} Beyond what I see... {pans to a tree in the distance; music swells louder} It's kinda hard to think with all this music. Beyond... what I see... {focuses in on Pride Rock in the far distance as the music rises to a climax} Oh, wait a second. It's comin' to me. It's either that slug I ate or I'm having an epiphany! {camera zooms in on Pride Rock} I'm going to the big pointy rock! Right? {He turns around, but Rafiki is gone.} Timon: Who was that strange monkey? Ah, well. Dream home, here I come. {Timon marches off in the direction of Pride Rock. He enters a stand of tall grasses. A snapping sound startles him.} Timon: Ah... oh-h... hello? Strange but wise monkey? {A flock of birds takes off and startles him again. He climbs up on a rock; then he hears a weird grunting roar, and sees a bulky shape rushing in his direction. He tumbles off the rock and rushes blindly through the grass as the ominous roaring sound pursues him.} Oh! Oh! Aah! {Timon crashes into a huge snout blocking his path.} Pumbaa: Aaaah! Timon: Aaaah! Pumbaa: Aaaah! Timon: Aaaah! Pumbaa: Aaaah! Timon: Aaaah! {Timon pauses the movie.} Pumbaa: You know, first impressions are very important. Timon: Oh, I thought you were a scream. {The movie resumes.} Pumbaa and Timon: Aaaahh! Timon: Just eat me now... and please make it fast. I got a low threshold for pain. Pumbaa: Easy, easy there, little guy. I'm not gonna eat you. Timon: What? you're not? {indignant} Then why were you stalking me? Pumbaa: Well, gee, I saw you go by and I figured a little fella like you shouldn't be out here all alone. Timon: Hey, what about you? You're all alone. {suddenly apprehensive} You are all alone, aren't you? Pumbaa: {ruefully} Yeah. Most animals give me a pretty wide berth. Timon: {seeing the seeds of an idea} They do? Even the hungry ones? Pumbaa: Yeah, I drive almost everyone away. People see me comin' and they run for cover. They can't get out of the way fast enough. {Timon is holding up one of Pumbaa's hooves, playing with it like a pair of scissors.} Timon: You don't say, you don't say. Must be the gleam on those vicious tusks, huh? Strikes fear inte their hearts. Pumbaa: Actually, they say I wreck their appetite. Timon: {scheming} Wow, it's like you have this—this... special power. Pumbaa: {backing away nervously} Special power? Well, i-it's pretty powerful, all right. {gestures indistinctly at his rump} Timon: Perfect! You're hired. Pumbaa: Great! ...For what? Timon: To get me to a little worry-free haven out of that big pointy rock. {indicates Pride Rock} Pumbaa: And... you want me to come with you? Timon: Ha ha! Do you see any other big lovable chunk of warthog here, who also happens to have razor-sharp tusks and the ability to repel predators? {grins ingratiatingly} Pumbaa: I'm your pig. Timon: You and me, I can tell... we see eye to eye. Pumbaa: {hopeful} You mean, like friends? Timon: Whoa, easy there, big fella. I'd say more like {making "quotes" with his fingers"} acquaintances. Pumbaa: {a bit disappointed} Oh. {brightening} Well, it's a start. Timon: Put 'er there, acquaintance. {they shake paws} I'm Timon. Pumbaa: Pumbaa! Timon: No, really. {Pumbaa grins sincerely at him.} All right then. Let's hit the road. Pumbaa: You got it... acquaintance. Timon: So clear up one thing for me. If you weren't gonna eat me, what kind of a wacky wild pig are you? Pumbaa: I'm an insectivore. Timon: Oh ho! A bug eater! Well, me too. I just never had a name for it. I'm kinda partial to the crawly critters myself. How about you, big boy? Pumbaa: I prefer the ones with wings. Timon: Pumbaa, this could be the start of a beautiful... acquaintanceship. Timon's Dream Home
{The sunrise scene begins again.} MS: Nants ingonyama bagithi baba BS: Sithi uhhmm ingonyama {Pumbaa and Timon enter the scene, walking across the sunrise from left to right.} Pumbaa: Okay, so now we're back at the beginning. Right, Timon? Timon: Oh, you got that right, pally. {narrating} At last, things were looking up. I had the sun on my shoulders, the wind at my heels, a song in my heart. {Timon and Pumbaa freak out as the animals all bear down on them} Aah! Pumbaa: Aah! {Pumbaa races out from under all the roaring and screeching animals as they rush past; Timon rides on his back. Timon: {steering Pumbaa to follow the animals} And to protect me, a great big fat guy! {Pumbaa pauses the movie. Cut back to the silhouettes.} Pumbaa: {shocked} You really think I look fat? Timon: Uhh, Pumbaa, Pumbaa, Pumbaa. You're a pig. It's a compliment! Pumbaa: {mollified} Oh-ho-ho. Thank you! {Pumbaa resumes the movie. Pride Rock rises before the two of them as the crest a small hill; a deep lion roar sounds.} FS: It's the Circle of Life
And it moves us all...Timon: Whoo-hoo! There it is, the big pointy rock! Oh, baby, we're almost there. {A record-needle scratching sound accompanies them screeching to a halt as the suddenly see that Pride Rock is surrounded by hundreds of animals.} Pumbaa: I think we're little late. Timon: It's a land rush. That loudmouth monkey! He must've blabbed it to the whole world! Pumbaa: What exactly did he say? Timon: {imitating Rafiki} Look beyond what you see. Pumbaa: So maybe you're supposed to look beyond the big pointy rock. Timon: {as though he came up with it himself} Maybe I'm supposed to look beyond the big pointy rock! Pumbaa: Hmm? Timon: Well... let's have a little look, shall we? Beyond what I see... beyond what I see... beyond what I see... {Camera pans past Pride Rock (where Rafiki is carrying Simba to the tip of the promontory) and all the gathered animals to a small hill with a little cave in it right behind the Rock.} Oh ho! What do you know? The monkey's got an eagle eye for real estate! Pumbaa: {indicating the impending ceremony} Timon, look! Timon: He-he-hey! It's the monkey! Pumbaa: What's that he's holdin' up? Timon: Aw, who cares? It's not important. Come on! My dream home awaits. {They approach the gathering of animals from behind, rising in front of them like a wall. Pumbaa nervously shrinks back away from them.} Pumbaa Uh... I don't do so well in crowds. Maybe we better go around. Timon: Don't you know the shortest distance between me and my dream home is a straight line? Follow me! {He leads Pumbaa straight into the breach.} Animal1: Oh. Timon: Excuse me! Animal2: Ow. Animal3: Hello! Animal4: Goodness. Timon: Make room, make room. Watch it, Twiggy. I'm walkin' here! {Animals snort and glower at them as the push their way through the crowd. Suddenly Pumbaa's stomach gurgles fiercely; he sits down in "emergency" mode.} Pumbaa: {miserably} Ahem... Timon? There's something I gotta tell ya. Timon: Pumbaa, Pumbaa, Pumbaa. We'll have a plenty of time to chat once we settle in. Pumbaa: {stomach gurgles more; he starts to panic} I could really use a rest stop. Timon: {trying to get him back on track} Don't worry. You'll get your second wind. Pumbaa: {breaking out in sweat} Ohh! I got a really bad feeling! Timon: It'll pass. Trust me! It'll pass. {Pumbaa releases a massive fart. An elephant freaks out and trumpets. All the animals immediately around them cough and collapse, followed by the ones a little farther away—wildebeests,giraffes, and rhinos.} Zebra1: Oh, look. The rhinos are bowing. Zebra2: Ooh, we'd better bow, too. {The zebras bow, followed by the antelope in front of them, then more wildebeests, elephants, and the whole rest of the gathered crowd, all laid out in splendid array as seen from the perspective of Mufasa, Rafiki, and Zazu at the tip of the promontory.} Zazu: Look, sire, how they kneel before the royal son. {Timon and Pumbaa stand at the epicenter of what looks like a nuclear blast; a slight hissing sound is heard, as well as groans and coughs. We see that the hissing is Timon's hair on fire, fizzling down to his scalp.} Timon: {goes suddenly from aghast to thrilled} So, I guess that's your special power, huh? What a weapon! Pumbaa: Uh, you mean, you don't mind? Timon: Ha ha! Are you kidding? It was a gas! Ha ha ha ha ha! Pumbaa: {his spirits rising a little} Well, I don't like to toot my own horn... Timon: Yeah, that's probably for the best. {Pause for a beat.} Let's go, Pumbaa! Pumbaa: Lead the way! {Timon and Pumbaa wind their way through the prostrate animals as the beams of sunlight fall on Simba high atop the promontory above them. Dissolve to the piled rocks that mark Timon's new dream-home spot.} Timon: This is it, buddy-boy. Home sweet home! And I don't gotta share it with anybody. Ha ha ha! Pumbaa: Don't you get, you know, lonely out here? Timon: Lonely? Try commitment-free. {ties up a hammock and lies down} The elbow-to-elbow life reminds me a little too much of home. This place has everything. Cool refreshments {Pumbaa hands him a massive bowl of slush}, cozy little hammock, a lovely water feature—and it's all mine. Pumbaa: Oh. {takes in the fact that he's not being factored in; tries to handle it bravely} Well... it's really coming together, Timon, so, uh, so I guess I'll just be going. {walks off slowly} Timon: Wait a minute, now wait-wa-wait. There's no law that says you have to go. I mean, if you want— Pumbaa: {zipping back immediately} Ooh, great! I already made up two beds! {camera shows the two grass beds, one much bigger than the other} One for you, and one for me. Timon: {yawns luxuriantly} Ohh! Gee, all this construction work has me bushed. Think I'll turn in early. {He crawls over the smaller bed and makes himself comfortable in the larger, Pumbaa-sized bed.} Ahh! Yeah... {Pumbaa circles around twice, then somehow stuffs himself into the smaller bed. A leg pops out sideways, but he gets comfortable anyway.} Pumbaa: Ahh... Good night. Timon: Sleep tight. Pumbaa: Dream of bedbugs tonight. Timon: Ahh. {They fall asleep. Dissolve to the exterior of the cave; camera trucks out slowly as the scene gradually switches to daylight.} Timon: {narrating} Home sweet home indeed. Hakuna Matata
{Pumbaa and Timon are both snoring as daylight streams in. Timon is awakened gradually by the muffled sound of "I Just Can't Wait to Be King" pounding in from above. Timon: {waking up, groaning} Uhh. Unhh. {He gets up, fetches a long stick, and uses it to bang on the ceiling.} Hey, keep it down up there! Pumbaa: {waking up} We have neighbors? We should go say hello. Timon: Noisy neighbours. There go the property values. {As they emerge from the cave, they find themselves in the middle of the ostentatious finale of the song, with the animals forming a huge pyramid with Simba and Nala at the top.} Simba: ...Standing in the spotlight! Chorus: Let every creature go for broke and sing
Let's hear it in the herd and on the wing
It's gonna be king Simba's finest flingChorus: Oh, I just can't wait to be king!
Oh, I just can't wait to be king!Timon: Oh, perfect. We moved to the theater district! Get a load of these guys. {He thwacks an elephant with his stick} Knock it off! {The elephant's eyes pop wide open, and he loses his balance; one by one, all the rest of the animals collapse on top of and around him.} Chorus: Oh, I just can't wait... Pumbaa: {snatching Timon out of the way of the impending disaster} Timon, look out! Chorus: ...To be king! Timon: Aah! {The pyramid of animals collapses on top of the cave opening, sealing Timon and Pumbaa inside. Simba: I'm okay! Timon: Oy. Phew. Show people. {Wipe to Timon riding Pumbaa to a new unspecified location. Timon: Chin up, Pumbaa! {brushes a branch aside} Whoa! Our dream home's around here somewhere. Pumbaa: You know, Timon, I once came across a place that might be just what you're looking for. {Illustrations from TLK 1 accompany the descriptions} Spectacular waterfalls, set in a lush tropical oasis. A scrumptious array of— Timon: {interrupting} Hey, hey, hey. Forget it, Pumbaa. I'm a realist, and I'm not gonna go chasing after some fantasy. I'm goin' beyond what I see. Pumbaa: But if you always go beyond what you see, how do you know when you're there? Timon: {impatiently} Oh, I'll tell you how I know. We're there! {gestures stubbornly at the surroundings: the Elephant Graveyard} This is a lovely spot. Lovely. Rustic. Picturesque. Home sweet home, Pumbaa. Mm-hmm. Home sweet ho— {A chunk of elephant skull that he's leaning against gives way, and he collapses inside} —Aah! Whoop! Ah ha ha ha! I—I mean, sure... it needs a little work. But it's got good bones. Ha ha ha! After all... this is an elephant graveyard. And who would ever come to an elephant graveyard? ...Aaaahh! {A roar precedes the arrival of Mufasa, leaping over the elephant tusk where Timon and Pumbaa had been, before diving out of the way just in time. As Mufasa rushes off stage left, Zazu flies after him, briefing him on the situation we all remember from TLK 1.} Zazu: Sire, the hyenas are after the children! {Pumbaa and Timon watch wide-eyed from the sinus cavity of the elephant skull, as the shadows cast on them pantomime the scene of Mufasa beating up the hyenas.} Timon: {whispering, à la "The Sixth Sense"} I see carnivores... {Wipe to Timon on yet another search for the perfect home. He's going stir-crazy by now. They're moving through the thermal-vent area where Scar lives.} Timon: {Nervous, with a tenuous grip on reality} Beyond what'cha see... beyond what'cha see... Ha ha ha ha ha! Beyond what you see... Pumbaa: {hopefully} Uh, Timon? Would this be a bad time to bring up that little place I told you about? Timon: {throws himself down on a steam vent} Hey! This is home sweet home, baby! Home— {The steam vent erupts, sending Timon into the air} Aaaah! Ow! Ha ha! {on the verge of cracking} Steam! Ha ha! Steam is good. Steam is—is—is water. Whoo! Gotta have water. You know, for the dream home. Steam home, dream home! Steam, steam, steam. {Gets a hold of himself, affects a British accent briefly} I am perfectly happy r-r-right here. It's remote, private, no unexpected visitors... {A green light suddenly floods the area, and "Be Prepared" begins. Goose-stepping hyenas march past them, casting shadows on the wall.} Timon: Somethin' tells me this ain't the traveling company of "Riverdance." {They pause for a beat, then hop to their feet and "Riverdance" away off-screen} {Wipe to yet another searching scene.} Timon: {snidely} Beyond what you see... beyond what you— turns toward the camera, shudders} Uhh-h. Hey, how am I supposed to look beyond what I see, beyond that? {Camera reveals he's looking straight at Pumbaa's butt} Pumbaa: Huh? Oh, sorry. {Pumbaa moves aside to reveal the Gorge in all its splendor. We can all see what's coming...} Timon: {trudging along the parched floor of the Gorge} What this place lacks in water and shade, it makes up for with searing heat and blinding sunshine. Home sweet home, Pumbaa! {whimpers a little with desperation, just as the ground begins to rumble} {Birds flock into the air from the gorge's rim; wildebeests begin to pour over the edge and down into the valley floor. They rapidly approach Timon and Pumbaa in a massive stampede.} Pumbaa: {affecting a gracious, leisurely air} Shall we run for our lives? Timon: {affecting the same air} Oh, yes, let's. {They both scream and take off running in front of the huge herd of wildebeests. They end up on top of one wildebeest's head, then they see the herd separate before them to reveal a cliff's edge.} Pumbaa: Hang on, Timon! Timon: This is it! Good-bye, cruel world! {The wildebeest screeches to a halt at the edge of the cliff, pitching Pumbaa and Timon off in slow motion, screaming. After a few midair tumbles, they land lightly in a slow-moving river. Timon stands on Pumbaa's belly.} Timon: That's it? {scoffs} Pbbb. That wasn't so bad. You can't knock old Timon down that easy! Yeah. Bring it on! {He notices an increasing roar of rushing water, and sees that they're approaching the top of a waterfall} Uh... Pumbaa? Question: is it possible to fall off the edge of the Earth? Pumbaa: Uh, technically, no. The Earth is round like a sphere, Timon, so it doesn't actually have an edge. {The camera pulls back once, twice, three times to reveal an absurdly high waterfall. Timon and Pumbaa both scream as they hurtle over the edge. Right in the middle of the fall, Pumbaa pauses the movie; back to the silhouettes.} Pumbaa: You mind if I pause it for a second? Timon: Sure, go ahead. Pumbaa: Be right back! {Timon cracks his neck one way and then the other, grunting. As Pumbaa clatters off-screen, Timon scratches in his ear, sniffs, hums "It's a Small World After All", and casually picks his nose. Just as the sound of a popcorn popper comes to a stop, Timon pulls out a big booger, which squishes between his fingertips. He gasps as he realizes Pumbaa is coming back. He frantically looks for a tissue; seeing none, he tries to shake it off his hand, then to flick it off. Finally he wipes it on the seat just as Pumbaa returns, with a huge bag of bugs.} Pumbaa: Okay, I got the jumbo so we could share. {He pauses for a beat, as he realizes Timon is just sitting there stock-still.} ...Were you just picking your nose? Timon: {indignantly} Nooo, I had an itch on the inside! {He grabs some bugs and chows down, then clicks the remote. The movie resumes, with Timon and Pumbaa plummeting down the waterfall and screaming.} Timon: Aaaaaaah! Pumbaa: Aaaaaaah! {Dissolve to nighttime at the water's edge. Pumbaa emerges from the water, gasping and wheezing; Timon is clutching Pumbaa's tail and being dragged to safety, but otherwise limp. Pumbaa collapses and coughs up some water. Timon comes to and groans. Pumbaa turns to face him; Timon is lying on the beach clutching a lily in a classic death pose. Mournful violin music plays.} Pumbaa: Timon, you okay? Timon: {At the end of his rope} Uhh. I give up! Pumbaa: But... but you can't give up! We still haven't found our dream home. Timon: Forget it, Pumbaa. I've been dragging you down long enough. I'm goin' home... and I suggest you do the same. Pumbaa: Oh, I—I would if I could, but I can't. Timon: Oh, sure you can, buddy. I won't stop you. Pumbaa: No, I mean... I don't have a home. Timon: You don't? What happened—are you lost? {Pumbaa shakes his head, his snout flapping side to side} No place good enough for ya? {Pumbaa shakes again} What, you're all alone in this big empty world? {Pumbaa turns to face Timon, with huge dewy eyes.} Timon: Oh. {gets up} ...Truth is... I'm all alone too. {takes Pumbaa's foreleg} Pumbaa, you're the only friend I've ever had. Pumbaa: {brightening} Y-you mean... Timon: Yeah, Pumbaa... and friends stick together to the end. {The two gaze at each other, sniffling. Timon's reflection appears in Pumbaa's eyes as the music swells. Suddenly the movie pauses (the music winds down like on a record player) and switches back to the theater seats, where Timon is hunched over and sobbing.} Pumbaa: {shocked} Timon? Are you crying? Timon: {sobbing} I'm fine! I—I just have something in my eye. Pumbaa: {holding out a hanky} Here, blow. Timon: Ohh. {blows his nose; hands the hanky back} Here, Pumbaa. Pumbaa: {sarcastically} Gee, thanks. Timon: {getting a hold of himself} Okay. I'm better. {Timon resumes the movie. The music spins slowly back up. Dissolve to the two of them asleep on the beach; gradually the scene changes to daylight. Timon wakes up and stretches.} Parenthood
Timon: {cracking his back} Uhh! {stretching} Uhh! Ooh! Aw, well. It's too bad we never found that perfect place. Why'd we ever listen to that stupid monkey? Pumbaa: {waking up, gasping} I think maybe you're giving up too soon, Timon. Timon: {sneering} Beyond what you see... {Pumbaa grabs his head and spins it around to face what he sees} Huh? Pumbaa: {triumphantly} Remember that place I told you about? {The camera rotates to show a gorgeous jungle panorama: waterfalls, woods, distant mountains, lush lakes and rivers.} Timon: Forget about your place. Get a load of what I found! Talk about "beyond what you see"! {Samba music plays} Pumbaa, this is our dream home! {pulling aside vines to demonstrate} Dramatic views! {Pulling vines taut for Pumbaa to swing in them} Your very own porch swing! {The two of them relaxing in a pool which is bubbling merrily} Hot tub and spa! {pulling open a tree to reveal dozens of bugs} Well-stocked cupboard! {Pumbaa slurps up all the bugs.} Pumbaa: {mouth full} Let's celebrate! Timon: {relaxing on a vine stretched across the water} The monkey was right. We found it: the perfect life. {dives into the water} Pumbaa: {wearing a chef's hat of leaves; stacking bugs on a skewer} I'll just whip up a little something. Timon: {drying off with a leaf} He had the perfect name for it, too. Pumbaa: {tossing bugs in a large leaf-bowl} Come and get it! Timon Such a wonderful phrase. It had this rhythm: {trying to remember} Laduda Ladada... Pumbaa: {holding out a leaf-dish} Try this... Hot tuna frittata. Timon: {not paying attention} Hmm... No, that's not it. Pumbaa: {adding another bowl of bugs} The spinach armada. Timon: Quiet, Pumbaa. I'm trying to think. Pumbaa: {setting out a bowl of bug-mush} A spoon of ricotta. Timon: Two words. Pumbaa: {another dish} A wormy piccata. Timon: Six syllables. Pumbaa: {yet another} Kahuna colada. Timon: Twelve letters. Pumbaa: {another} A blue enchilada. Timon: Rhymes with... Pumbaa: {another} Legumes on a platter. Timon: {tapping his head} Think think think... Pumbaa: {poking at one of the dishes} This oughtta be hotter. Timon: {desperate} I forget! Pumbaa: I gotta lambada! {Pumbaa starts dancing, trotting sideways until he bumps into Timon; his hat rolls off. Timon grabs hold of his snout and yells.} Timon: Hey! How can you dance at a time like this? I'm dyin' here! {realizes he's gone a bit too far, he lets go and backs off} Ooh. Sorry about that, pal. Pumbaa: {nonchalant} Hakuna Matata. Timon: {shakes his head in confusion; cartoonish "Obbidy-obbidy-obbidy" sound effect} ...Come again? Pumbaa: Hakuna Matata. It means "no worries." Eh— {realizes} Ohhh. {Epiphany music plays, hinting at the inevitable "Hakuna Matata" song. Wipe to the two of them swinging on vines into the water. As they're both in midair, the movie pauses.} Pumbaa: {off-screen} Hey, Timon. I got an idea. Let's do a sing-along! Timon: Oh, you tease. {a ladybug appears on-screen, near the words HAKUNA MATATA which appear at the bottom}I love karaoke! I'm there. {As the lyrics appear on the screen, over a montage of Timon and Pumbaa enjoying their carefree life, the ladybug hops from syllable to syllable as they sing the words.} Both: Hakuna Matata
What a wonderful phrase
Hakuna Matata
Ain't no passin' craze{The ladybug disappears after dancing across "CRAZE"} Timon: It means no worries, for the rest of your day—Wait a second. {Camera pulls back to show the silhouettes. Timon is singing into a microphone; Pumbaa is chewing and crunching on something. Timon pauses the movie.} Timon: {quietly} Pumbaa... where's the grub? Pumbaa: Puhh. {opens his mouth; the ladybug staggers out, all mauled up} Timon: {exasperated} Ohhh. You just can't help yourself, can you? Pumbaa: Sorry. Timon: Okay... but this time, show a little self control. {Timon resumes the movie. The bug is now staggering across the words and getting bounced around by the pair's on-screen antics: floating down a river cascade, bungee-jumping on jungle vines, parachuting on leaves, slurping up a long worm and ending in a kiss as in "Lady and the Tramp" Timon: Hakuna Matata! Ha-haah! {Both scream as they bungee-jump} Both: It means no worries
For the rest of your days
It's our problem-free
Philosophy
Hakuna Matata{It becomes a chant as they shuffle along the now-famous log, dancing and singing} Both: Hakuna Matata
Hakuna Matata
Hakuna Matata
Hakuna Matata
Hakuna Matata
Hakuna Matata
Hakuna Matata...{Sudden cut to a close-up of Ma.} Ma: {taken aback} Hahuna Ma-what-a? {Rafiki is talking to Ma under the meerkats' tree by the rock.} Rafiki: Oh ho ho ho ho. It means "No worries." Ma: {skeptical} I see... Rafiki: So, I told the boy: To find Hakuna Matata, you must look beyond what you see. Ma: {understanding} Ohh. A metaphor. Rafiki: Well, actually, it's not a meta— {Rafiki gets clocked in the head with his own stick} Ma: {enraged} You used a metaphor on Timon?! He takes things literally! {panicking} That's it. He's starving out there. I just know it! Max! Timon's out there chasing metaphors. I've gotta go find him! Uncle Max: {calling from inside a hole; his voice shakes the ground} Are you nuts?! Ma: {disgusted} Nice to have a supportive family, isn't it? {determined} Well, here I go. Rafiki: {sagely} Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. Ma: Thanks. Here's my first step: {jumps squarely onto Rafiki's foot} {Camera cuts to Timon screaming instead of Rafiki} Timon: Yeeeeoooow! {Pumbaa is pulling quills out of Timon's butt with his teeth} Ay! Pumbaa: {talking around a quill} Guess bowling for porcupines {spits out the quill} wasn't the best idea, huh? Timon: Yeah. Gotta be right up there with bobbing for snapping turtles. {Pumbaa plucks out another quill} Aah ha ha ha ha hoo! Pumbaa: {under his breath} Ohh, that's gonna leave a mark. {He spits out the quill, then looks up at the sound of buzzards squawking} Hey, look, Timon. Buzzards! What do you say? One more round? {Camera slowly trucks in on the scene in the desert where the buzzards are clustering around what we know to be Simba.} Timon: {sarcastically} Oh, sure. There must be some part of me we haven't injured yet. Pumbaa: Oh, please? {waggling his tail} Oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please? Timon: {stretching wearily} Nah, Pumbaa. I'm beat. You go ahead; I'm callin' it a day. {plucks out one last quill} Aiee! Pumbaa: {whimpering} But it's no fun alone. {He starts to sob and whine like a dog. He begins to turn away, but just then Timon runs back and jumps up on his head.} Timon: Aw, why not? One more run won't change our lives! {Pumbaa, with Timon riding on top, goes charging into the desert towards the buzzards.} Both: Yaaaah! {The movie pauses just as they reach the camera. Timon begins narrating.} Timon: Who knows why fate led us to little Simba that day? {Scene switches, slide-show style, to Pumbaa lifting Simba on his tusks, Timon looking terrified.} Maybe it was just my love of adventure... {Switch to Simba roaring in the jungle, Timon leaping up in terror} or my innate courage... {Stills show more scenes of Simba terrifying the fur off Timon} ...my valiant and fearless way of... okay, who's in charge of the freeze-frames?! {freeze on Timon doing a freakish wild-take pinned up against a tree root} Pumbaa: Sorry. Timon: Anywho... {resuming narration} Rescuing Simba was a cinch. {Pumbaa gathers up Simba on his tusks and trots off with him back to the jungle.} Then came the reeeally scary part. ...Parenthood. The Snail-Slurping Contest
{Dissolve to a nighttime scene in the jungle, at the stump that Pumbaa and Timon use as a bed; Timon is sleeping, sprawled on Pumbaa's belly, who is muttering "Grubses, grubses" in his sleep. Lebo M.'s "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" plays as the camera slowly zooms in on Timon.} MS: In the jungle, the mighty jungle
The lion sleeps tonight
In the jungle, the mighty jungle
The lion sleeps tonightSimba: {off-screen, timidly} Timon? Timon...? ...Timon! Timon: {waking up blearily; seeing Simba's huge face upside-down} Oh. Ohh. Simba: {agitated} I gotta go. Timon: Go? Go where? Simba: You know, go. ...Bad! Timon: {suddenly getting it} Oh, go! Why didn't you say so? Come on, let's go. {They rush across the log, the full moon in the background, Timon leading the way.} Timon: When you gotta go, you gotta go. {"Jungle Boogie" plays. Camera switches to Simba's view straight down from high in a tree; Timon and Pumbaa are at the bottom.} Timon: {sternly} Young lion, get down from there! Simba: {jumping around in the branches} Whoo-hoo! All right! Hey—you guys look like ants down there. Timon: I'm counting to three. Simba: Yahoooo! {leaps onto a smaller branch, which breaks under his weight} Pumbaa: Uh-oh. {Simba falls, silently, as Timon counts.} Timon: One... Two... {As Timon counts "Two", Pumbaa throws himself on top of him; Simba lands safely on his back.} Timon: {muffled} ...Three. {His arm collapses.} {Switch back to the sleeping scene again; "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" resumes.} MS: In the jungle, the mighty jungle
The lion sleeps tonightSimba: Timon? Timon: {waking up suddenly} Oh! ...Again? Simba: {looking fairly pathetic} No. I'm thirsty. {Timon and Simba are walking across the log again.} Timon: You know this means you'll be up again about two hours from now. {"Jungle Boogie" resumes. Simba is floating happily down a river as Timon frantically paddles after him.} Timon: Hang on, Simba! I'll save you! Simba: {going over a waterfall} Yahoooo! {Pumbaa snatches Simba out of midair from an overhanging branch; Timon goes falling past them helplessly, shrieking.} Timon: Whoooaaaa! {Switch back to "The Lion Sleeps Tonight."} Simba: {looking even more miserable} Timon? {Back to the log. Timon is plodding now, slumped over.} Timon: {exhausted} We're gonna get old walking across this thing. {"Jungle Boogie" resumes. Simba lies on his back repeatedly batting Timon into the air like a ball of yarn; Timon spins helplessly in midair, wailing.} Timon: Whoooaaaa! {"The Lion Sleeps Tonight" again.} MS: In the jungle, the mighty jungle
The lion sleeps tonightSimba: {timid} Timon? Timon: {wakes up on edge} Aah! {slides down Pumbaa's side} What have you got against the concept of a good nights sleep, huh? {He turns to face the camera; we get a faceful of his bloodshot, staring eyes.} Simba: Actually, I, uh... I had a bad dream. Timon: Oh. Well, uh... {jabs Pumbaa in the ribs to wake him} Pumbaa: {wakes up} Uhh! It wasn't me. Timon: Junior had a bad dream. Pumbaa: {overcome} Ohh... Why don't you sleep over here with us? Timon: {patting Pumbaa's side like a mattress} Mi Pumbaa, su Pumbaa. Simba: All right! {He bounds over to them.} {View of the log, with "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" continuing—but they don't walk across it. Switch back to Simba and Timon curling up on top of Pumbaa's belly.} MS: Hush, my darling, don't fear, my darling
The lion sleeps tonight
Hush, my darling, don't fear, my darling
The lion sleeps tonightSimba: Good night. Timon: Sleep tight. Pumbaa: {brightly} Dream of bedbugs tonight! {immediately falls asleep and snores} {Simba giggles; he puts a foreleg around Timon and pulls him up tight against him like a stuffed animal. They both fall asleep as "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" continues. The camera trucks slowly out to a nighttime panorama.} Timon: Uyy! MS: My little darling
Don't fear, my little darling
Hey-a, oh, my little darling
Oh, don't fear, my little darling
Ingonyama ilele
Don't fear, my little darlingTrouble in Paradise
{Dissolve to the morning, with birds chirping and the sun rising through the trees. The three of them are still snoring, in the same pose—but Simba is now an adolescent, easily larger than Pumbaa. He wakes, yawns, and stretches, showing impressive teeth and claws.} Timon: Whoa! Watch where you aim that morning breath. That should come with a warning label. Whoo, what a wake-up call! {He curls up and tries to go back to sleep} Simba: Heh heh heh. Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the warthog. What's the matter, pops? {patronizing} Had a little too much Hakuna Matata? Timon: Ooh. Sonny boy, I invented Hakuna Matata. Simba: {smug} Oh, yeah? Well, I perfected it. Timon: Sure you did, sure you did. Pumbaa, who holds the record for the world's longest bug belch? Pumbaa: {waking up} Uh, that would be Simba. Timon: {mildly surprised} All righty then. Who's the champion at slug swallowing? Pumbaa: Simba again. Timon: {sits bolt upright} Cricket crunching? Pumbaa: Simba. Timon: Grub gulping? Pumbaa: Simba. Timon: Maggot munching? Pumbaa: Still Simba. Timon: {sweating, in trepidation} Snail-slurping? Pumbaa: Oh, uh, nobody. We never had a snail-eating contest before. {Cut to a snail in silhouette in the jungle; the theme from "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" plays. The sun creates a lens-flare wash to Simba and Timon facing off over a monstrous pile of snails. They narrow their eyes at each other in turn; then both flex their paws like gunslingers.} Pumbaa: {cowering in the bushes} I don't think this is such a good idea. {Simba grabs a snail and slurps it straight out of its shell, leaving slime all over his chin. He slams the shell down and leers at Timon, who yawns theatrically, then slurps down a snail of his own and folds his arms defiantly. Simba raises a paw with four snails, which he slurps down rapid-fire one after the other, then tosses the shells down and grins devilishly. Timon stares back in amazement, his eye twitching; then he swallows four of his own, swats away the shells, and grins a trifle insanely, breathing hard. Cut to Pumbaa in the bushes, looking at one and then the other like in a tennis match, as we hear slurps from one side and then the other in rapid succession. Finally he sinks down in trepidation, and the camera switches back to Simba and Timon slumped against opposite ends of the rock, only one snail left in front of each of them. In extreme perspective, Simba reaches for the last one, groans and shudders, then slurps it down; he belches loudly, then tosses the shell away with a drunken smirk. Timon picks up his last one, his belly bulging out over the edge of the rock; the snail in his hands morphs into Pumbaa, staring back at him.} Pumbaa/Snail: I told you this wasn't such a good idea! {Timon suddenly gags, covers his mouth, totters, and collapses; the snail shell flies up into the air, lands, clatters to a halt, and the snail inside pops out and scoots away. The camera trucks back vertically away from Timon, passed out and bloated on the ground next to the pile of shells.} Pumbaa: {narrating} Thus did the pupil surpass the teacher. Timon: You've been hangin' around with the monkey again, haven't you? {The music stops. Pumbaa walks slowly up to Timon and helps him up with a tusk.} Timon: {groaning} Uhh. {He watches Simba swaggering away into the trees} Our Simba is growing up. {Timon and Pumbaa stare after him for a beat; then Timon breaks into "Sunrise, Sunset" from "Fiddler On the Roof".} Timon: {singing} Is this the little boy I carried? Pumbaa: {singing} When did he grow to be so tall? Both: {singing} Wasn't it yesterday when he was small? {The background chorus takes up the song as first Timon, then Pumbaa, then a full-grown Simba fly into the air, trampolining off a bunch of hanging vines. All three bounce into the air again, and Simba grabs the other two in a midair embrace.} Chorus: Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years{The three of them lie on their backs looking up at the stars (no doubt, discussing cosmology); dissolve to the three of them hanging from vines, Simba gently pushing the others so they swing. Finally, dissolve to all three relaxing in the bubbling hot-tub pool.} Chorus: One season following another
Laden with happiness and tearsPumbaa: ...So you see, that's why they call it a "dung beetle". Simba: Eww. You don't say. And yet, still so tasty! Pumbaa: Oh, yeah. And they're my favorite, too. {Timon approaches the tub, wearing a leaf around his middle. He tosses the leaf away, dabs a toe in the water, and eases himself in.} Timon: Ooh! {slipping into the water} Ah! Ahhhh. Just what the doctor ordered. Pumbaa: Yep. After a long day of doing nothing, it's good to kick back. Simba: Three pals and no worries. What more could you want? All: {sighing contentedly} Aahhh. {They relax silently for a beat.} Pumbaa: {yawns luxuriantly and scratches himself} Aaah-hhh-hh. I'm bushed. Think I'll turn in for the night. {Pumbaa slowly climbs out. The bubbles immediately stop. The "eating a grub for the first time" music plays as realization dawns on Simba and Timon, watching Pumbaa's retreating rump. They stare at the water in horror.} Timon: I'm out. Simba: Right behind you. {They both scurry out of the water. Switch to the bed-stump, where Simba pounces on Pumbaa and gives him a "noogie", then gathers the two of them on top of him.} Simba: Oh-ho! Pumbaa: Ahh ha ha! Simba: Ha ha ha ha! Pumbaa: You're killing me, ha ha! {They all relax} ...Timon, it's your turn to say good night. Timon: Good night. Simba: Sleep tight. Pumbaa: Dream of bedbugs tonight. {immediately falls asleep} {Simba rolls over and nearly squashes Pumbaa between his body and his foreleg, but Pumbaa doesn't wake up. Simba's paw slips off Timon; he sleepily reaches down and pulls it back up like a blanket. Camera trucks back as they all sleep.} The Storm Comes to a Head
Timon: {narrating} Ahh. You gotta admit, we had a pretty good thing goin' there. Pumbaa: We coulda gone on like that forever. Timon: Except for one teeny weeny little thing we forgot to count on. {Sudden cut to a snarling Nala pinning Simba down onto the ground with a WHUMP. Footage from TLK 1.} Simba: {recognizing her} ...Nala? Nala: {backing off and recognizing him} Wooaah! Simba: Waah! Nala: How did you...? Simba: But how did you...? Timon: {looking on from the bushes} This is a disaster, Pumbaa. A disaster, I tell ya! Pumbaa] You mean because they've finally found each other like two soulmates joined across the years by the bonds of true love? Timon: {patronizing} Sweet, innocent, little Pumbaa. {alarmed} She's going to put a stake right through the heart of our Hakuna Matata! Pumbaa: {unconvinced} Oh! ...Then I guess we oughtta do something. Timon: And I know just what it is. Pumbaa... we can't let them feel the love tonight! {The theme song from "Peter Gunn" plays as Timon springs into action. He whispers in Pumbaa's ear; Pumbaa nods, and they high-five. As Simba and Nala gambol among the trees, Timon parts the tall grasses and leans out to arch his eyebrows at the audience; he then fires a blow-dart at Nala, which sticks in her paw. Simba gallantly plucks it out and spits it aside into the bushes, where it hits Timon, who squeals. Nala pushes under Simba's chin as "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" plays.} Nala: Ow! Timon: {getting stuck with the dart} Aaaahhh! FS: Can you feel the love tonight? {The "Peter Gunn" music resumes. Timon whispers another plan in Pumbaa's ear, in which the word "spider" is audible; they high-five. Timon holds up a big spider, which winks at us; Timon lowers it like a yo-yo towards the two lions. On the way down, the spider passes a fetching female spider, and the music stops abruptly as the spider hops back up to her. "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" resumes, and the spiders weave a bunch of heart-shaped webs behind the lions as they nuzzle.} FS: Can you feel the love tonight? Pumbaa: {overcome} That's so romantic. Timon: {wrapped up in a cocoon of spider-silk} Uhh... {Back to the "Peter Gunn" music. As Simba and Nala pass by, Timon (riding on Pumbaa) hurls a huge beehive at them. But the bees stay right there above him in a solid cloud; after a beat, "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" resumes, and Timon races away with the bees in hot pursuit.} FS: Can you feel the love...? {Back to "Peter Gunn"; Timon now has several bee stings on his head, a black eye swollen shut, and (as he grins and gives the thumbs-up to Pumbaa) a missing tooth. Pumbaa uncertainly returns the thumbs-up, at the other end of a long vine laid across Simba and Nala's path. The lions on their hind legs mock-wrestle their way across it. Nala stumbles backwards over the vine as Timon and Pumbaa pull it taut.} Nala: Whoah-oh! {The two lions collapse down the hillside, rolling all the way to the bottom, their movement flinging Timon and Pumbaa and their vine into the air and across the gully to where they plunge into a tree, disturbing a cloud of butterflies that rushes past the camera. "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" resumes as Simba and Nala cuddle in the undergrowth. Timon: Woaaahhh! Pumbaa: Waaahhh! FS: Can you feel the love tonight?
The peace the evening brings
The world, for once, in perfect harmony
With all its living things{Timon and Pumbaa fall out of the tree and crash to the ground.} Timon: Aaahh! Pumbaa: {hitting the ground} Oof! {He whacks the side of his head, and a butterfly pops out} Timon: {sarcastically} Well, that worked like a dream. Pumbaa: It did? Timon: Sarcasm is a foreign language to you, isn't it? {pointing at the lions cuddling} Look! FS: Can you feel the love tonight?
You needn't look too farTimon: She's makin' those eyes. Pumbaa: He's smiling that smile. Timon: They're laughing... and hugging... and—and... {Soundtrack is from TLK 1, but the camera angle is behind Timon and Pumbaa, so we can watch Simba and Nala in their courtship routine.} Timon: {singing} And if he falls in love tonight
It can be assumedPumbaa: {singing} His carefree days with us are history Both: In short, our pal is doomed! {Timon and Pumbaa burst into wild sobbing waterworks. Dissolve to the fog-shrouded hills at twilight. Camera descends to show Timon and Pumbaa walking dejectedly by a waterfall.} "Friends Stick Together to the End"
Timon: Ah, that's it, buddy. We gave it our best shot, but he's a goner. Pumbaa: {hearing something in the distance} Maybe not...! Timon: You never give up, do you? Pumbaa: Look! {Timon looks, aghast. Recycled footage from TLK 1.} Simba: Listen: You think you can just show up and tell me how to live my life? You don't even know what I've been through! Nala: I would if you'd just tell me. Simba: Forget it! Nala: Fine! {Simba storms off. Timon and Pumbaa watch from the sidelines.} Timon: {excitedly} Pumbaa! Do you know what this means? Pumbaa: Uh, he can't express his feelings, and she has commitment issues? Timon: We won! Ya ha hahh! We split 'em up! Pumbaa: And, uh, that's a good thing? {Reflective music plays. Pumbaa follows Timon out into the grasslands, where Simba is wrestling with himself.} Pumbaa: Uh, he seems to be taking it kinda hard. Timon: Yeah, I know. Look, I...heh. But it's the best thing for us. I mean, for him! {The clouds gather on the horizon; as Timon turns away, they form into the face of Mufasa.} Timon: Ooh, let's go, Pumbaa. I think this storm's coming to a head. {Dissolve back to the sleeping stump; Timon is lounging on Pumbaa's belly.} Timon: Hakuna Matata is safe at last, pal, 'cause nothing's gonna take our boy away now. {Cut to Timon looking aghast.} Timon: He's gone? What do you mean, he's gone? Nala: It's just like the baboon said. The king has returned. {Fluttery music plays as Timon and Pumbaa stand there looking completely dumbfounded.} Nala: {sighs exasperatedly} Ohh. You want me to go over it again?! Timon: {patronizing} Yes, please. But be a dear and just skip to the part about Simba? Not that your childhood wasn't fascinating. Nala: {resigned} Okay, look: Simba's the rightful King. But after he disappeared, Scar proclaimed himself the King and formed an alliance with the hyenas... {continues unintelligibly in the background} Pumbaa: {thinking, with a concerned expression} Poor Simba. The treachery... the villainy... the sheer indescribable horror! Timon: {thinking, with a concerned expression} Blah, blah, blah. Why is she toying with us? Oh, this crazy chick is gonna eat us! Nala: ...Simba has to go home to challenge his uncle and reclaim his rightful place as King. {Nala stares at Timon and Pumbaa, who stand there silently as crickets chirp.} Nala: {frustrated} Ooooh, don't you get it? Simba needs us! Now! {She turns and runs off after Simba} Timon: {indignant} He needs us? Then he shouldn't have left us! If he wants to run off to be "His Highness", well, I say, don't let the branches hit you on the way out! Leave Hakuna Matata to someone who appreciates it. {He strides off stubbornly} Pumbaa: But, Timon... it's not really Hakuna Matata without Simba. Timon: What's gotten into you? Not Hakuna Matata? That's crazy talk. Crazy talk, I tell ya! Nothing's changed here. We had Hakuna Matata before Simba, and we've still got it now. Pumbaa: We gotta go help our friend, Timon. Timon: Et tu, Pumbaa? You're just gonna walk away, give up on all this? What happened to "friends stick together to the end"? Huh? Huh? Huh? Pumbaa: {incisively} I was about to ask you the same thing. {Pumbaa turns and stalks off. He looks back over his shoulder to see Timon flopping down in the bed.} Timon: {stubbornly} I got everything I ever wanted right here. {Pumbaa turns and trots off, a tear in his eye. Timon lies in the bed, tapping his toe. He begins to soliloquize to convince himself he's doing the right thing.} Timon: Now, this is more like it. Elbow room! {"Elbow room" echoes an absurd number of times as the camera pulls back repeatedly; Timon collapses in despair} Uhhhh. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. {He tries to sing to cheer himself up; scene switches to various places where the trio used to hang out} Hakuna Matata... what a wonderful phrase... {weakly} Hakuna... Matata... {pathetically} ain't no passing craze... it means... unnghh... No Worries. {Timon curls up in the indentation where he used to watch the stars; the other two indentations are empty. Rafiki: {dangling into the picture} Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo. ha ha! Timon: {holding his hands out in rejection} You. No, no, no. Don't say a word. I know what you're gonna say. {imitating Rafiki} Did you find Hakuna Matata? {as himself, with forced happiness and that gracious air} Well, yes, I did! Thank you very much! And I am happy... happy, happy, deliriously happy. {imitating Rafiki} Ho ho haaah! I see. Happy, is it? So, if you're so happy, why do you look so miserable? {Timon switches back to himself; Rafiki stares sardonically at the camera} Miserable, you say? Why should I be miserable? Oh, I don't know. Maybe my two best pals in the world deserted me. Heh. They've... they've headed off on some heroic mission. My friends... {turns despairing} are gone. {seeing the light} ...And my Hakuna Matata went with them. {Rafiki nods slowly, smiling. Timon indicates his head} Would you mind? {Rafiki smacks him with his stick} Ay! Thanks! I'm glad we had this talk. {clicks his tongue; rushes off} Rafiki: My work here is done. Hyenas in the Hole
{Cut to the sun beating down on the dunes, in the scene where Simba ran home across the desert. "Busa" theme plays. Pumbaa runs in slow motion across the desert sands, frame-for-frame exactly how Simba ran in TLK 1. Suddenly, Timon dashes at normal speed past the slow-motion Pumbaa; Pumbaa skids to a stop in confusion. Timon stops and looks back at him with humility. Pumbaa looks at him questioningly.} Timon: Friends stick together to the end. {Pumbaa gasps joyfully; they rush together and embrace, sobbing. Camera trucks out to show the silhouettes; Timon pauses the movie.} Timon: What was with the running? If you can call that "running." Pumbaa: I was giving you time to catch up. Timon: {choked up} Aw, you big lug. {Timon reaches out to Pumbaa's shoulder; they embrace, and Timon resumes the movie.} Pumbaa: {enthused} Hop on, buddy. We got a fight to catch! {He grabs onto Pumbaa's ears; Pumbaa rears up and paws the air like a mustang.} Timon: Let's whip some grass. {The camera rises from the scene as Pumbaa gallops off (at full speed now) toward the dark and drought-ravaged Pride Lands, as dramatic and heroic music rises.} Timon: {narrating} This is the stuff of legends. An epic struggle—the place where heroes are born. Pumbaa... this could be our finest hour. {Hawaiian drums sound; cut to Timon in drag, doing the "Hawaiian War Dance" distraction routine from TLK 1.} Timon: Luau!
If you're hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meat
Eat my buddy Pumbaa here because he i—{Timon pauses the movie.} Timon: {voice-over; embarrassed} Heh heh. Let's just cut to the chase, shall we? Pumbaa: Oh, sure. {Cut to Timon and Pumbaa screaming and fleeing before a pack of hunger-mad hyenas. The movie resumes.} Timon and Pumbaa: Aaaaahhh! {Timon and Pumbaa lead the hyenas over a rise and into a cave, screaming. Silence falls as the hyenas search for them inside the cave, holding for a beat.} Banzai: What the— {A powerful explosion sounds inside the cave, with a cloud of dust billowing out the cave entrance.} Hyenas: Aaaaahhh! Get outta the way! {The hyenas flee the cave in a panic. Timon and Pumbaa emerge triumphantly; Pumbaa snorts like a bull. Timon rides on top of his head, looking like General Patton. "Ride of the Valkyries" by Wagner echoes in the score.} Timon: {inhales deeply} I love the smell of Pumbaa in the morning. {Suddenly the ground begins to crumble under their feet.} Ma: {underground} Hey, hey, hey. Move your tush, honey! {Pumbaa skips out of the way of the newly opened hole; Ma and Uncle Max are standing in it.} Timon: {astonished} Ma? Uncle Max? Ma: Oh, Timmy! Uncle Max: {floored} Timon? Timon: What are you doin' here? Ma: Looking for you! {Embraces Timon} Aww. Mommy's here. {Pause for a beat while Uncle Max glowers disapprovingly and fingers the flower in Timon's hair; Timon grins sheepishly. Uncle Max grumbles under his breath.} Timon: Well, let me introduce you to my best friend. {making introductions} Pumbaa: Ma, Uncle Max. Uncle Max, Ma: Pumbaa. Pumbaa: {gasps at a sight beyond them} Aah! Look there's Simba! And that must be his uncle Scar! {Viewpoint switches to show the confrontation between Simba and Scar at the tip of the promontory about to take place; Simba is being backed toward the precipice.} Timon: Oh, good, they're talking things out. Which is how it should be. You know, I have a feeling everything's gonna be just fine. {Timon turns away from the scene. Lightning strikes the base of Pride Rock, igniting the brush, just as Simba slips off the tip of the rock, barely holding on. Timon winces.} Pumbaa: Ooh! Timon: {resigned} On the other hand... Pumbaa: {narrating, as the scene from TLK 1 plays out on top of the promontory} The hyenas are up there protecting Scar. What do we do? Timon: Well, I've got a plan... Ma: {magnanimous} How can we help? Timon: {in pep-talk mode} Ma, Uncle Max: You're going to dig a trap. We're going to need—dare I say it?—tunnels... lots and lots of tunnels. And Pumbaa. You and me... we've gotta get those hyenas away from Simba. Pumbaa: {wagging his tail, barely suppressing his excitement} Ooh, ooh! And lure them into the trap? Timon: Ho ho! Nothing gets past you. Come on, Pumbaa. Let's ride. {Timon hops up on Pumbaa; they gallop off as heroic music plays.} Ma: {reflective} Y'know, Something's different about Timon... Uncle Max: You think? {frantic} He's wearin' a dress! {"Dress" echoes several times.} The Promised Land
{Cut to Scar running away from Simba, with the hyenas chasing after, while sparks from the fire fly all around. They all wind their way to an area near the top of Pride Rock, where the hyenas corner Simba, who snarls at them. Timon and Pumbaa look down on them from a ledge above them.} Timon: {loudly enough for the hyenas to hear} Hey, Pumbaa! What do you call a hyena with half a brain? Pumbaa: Ah ha ha. Uh, beats me, Timon. What? {Camera switches to Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed, listening for the punchline.} Timon: Gifted! {Timon and Pumbaa laugh; Shenzi and Banzai scowl, but Ed bursts out laughing. Banzai smacks him.} Ed: Aah ha ha—ohh! Banzai: They're talkin' about us! Shenzi: {menacing, advancing on them} For your last meal, you're gonna eat those words. {Pumbaa and Timon are grinning from the ledge above; suddenly they both zip away, leaving dust clouds in their own shapes that linger for a few moments. They scream as they run down the side of Pride Rock, until they reach a tunnel entrance.} Timon and Pumbaa: Yaaaaahh! Timon: {landing} Uhh! Pumbaa: {landing} Ooh! Timon: {calling into the hole} Ma! I think we got their attention! {Camera pans down into the underground, where Uncle Max is busily digging, and Ma is carrying support beams.} Ma: Not yet! Keep stalling! Uncle Max: {singing obsessively} Digga tunnah, dig, digga tunnah... {Cut back to Timon and Pumbaa, backed up against a rock wall and illuminated by the red firelight.} Timon: {panicked} Okay... {Khachaturian's "Sabre Dance" plays; Timon begins juggling sticks and dishes, while Pumbaa gestures toward him and grins. The hyenas stop dead, bewildered.} Banzai: {nonplussed} You gotta be kidding me. {The music stops; Timon stands with the dishes balanced on the sticks on his nose and hands, spinning.} Timon: {even more panicked} Now, Ma? Ma: {from underground} Need more time, honey! {Offenbach's "Cancan" plays. Timon and Pumbaa link arms and dance, grinning tensely. The music peters out as the hyenas glare at them and look insulted.} Timon: {grasping at straws} Uh... freestyle! {Hip-hop music plays as Timon and Pumbaa start breakdancing. The hyenas laugh and applaud.} Shenzi: Ooh, encore, encore! Banzai: No, no, no. You mean, "entree, entree." Shenzi: No, you right. Let's just eat 'em. {The hyenas advance on them} Timon: {at the edge of his wits} Is it ready yet, Ma?! Ma: {from underground} Not yet! Keep stalling! {Timon nervously drums his fingertips together, chatters his teeth, and bites his nails as the hyenas approach with sinister laughter. Timon gets an idea; he waves his arms in a "time-out" signal.} Timon: {approaching the hyenas} Waaait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second. Pumbaa: {confused, then severe} Uh, Timon? What are you doin'? Timon: {theatrically, down on one knee, proposal-style} Shenzi Marie Predatora Veldetta Jacquelina Hyena... would you do me the honor of becoming... my bride? {The hyenas are dumbfounded; Pumbaa gulps, his mouth falling wide open. Shenzi pauses for a beat before responding. Broadway farce-style music begins, the dialogue falling into the music's patter rhythm.} Shenzi: I don't think so! Timon: {milking it} Shenzi Marie, please. I know what you're thinking: "We're too different." "It'll never work." "What will the children look like?" {Cut back to Pumbaa, who is still frozen with shock, mouth wide open.} Shenzi: {disgusted} Ooh, that violates so many laws of nature. Timon: {backing up against the wall} Listen to me! The problems of a couple of wacky kids like us don't amount to hill of termites in this nutty circle-of-life thing. And so I ask you: If not now, when? If not me, who? {miserably; pleading} I'm lonely. Pumbaa: {tapping him on the shoulder; sniffling, putting the best face on his shattered emotions} Can I be your best man? Banzai: I say we skip the wedding, and go straight to the buffet! {As the hyenas draw near, Ma pops up from the hole.} Ma: Now? Timon: {nonchalant} Sure, if you're ready. Ma: {noticing the hyenas} Oh! {drops back down into the hole; calls to Uncle Max} Now, Max, now! {Uncle Max kicks out one of the tunnel supports, which falls and takes out the rest in a series, like dominoes. Uncle Max: Hyenas in the hole! {The ground under the hyenas crumbles and collapses; they back off, yelping, as the crack follows them rapidly.} Shenzi: Huh? Hyenas: Huh. Banzai: Aaaaahh! {The crack suddenly stops expanding as one of the supports hits an embedded rock and doesn't fall. The hyenas stop retreating, and look back at Timon and Pumbaa angrily. Uncle Max and Ma pop out of the hole.} Uncle Max: I need help. It didn't work. Banzai: {approaching again} Hey, it works for me! {Ma and Uncle Max are backed up against the rock wall.} Ma: {panicked} What are we gonna do? {Timon first looks terrified; then he looks at the ground under the hyenas, noticing where the crack ends up. He steels himself, then runs headlong at Shenzi, aiming between her legs. Lightning flashes as Ma yells after him.} Shenzi: What?! Ma: Timon, no! {Timon dives into the crack and rushes along it, pursued by the hyenas' growls and snapping teeth. He makes it past, and the hyenas lose interest in him, focusing back on Pumbaa, Ma, and Uncle Max; the meerkats hug each other in terror.} Shenzi: Let's get 'em. {Timon dives for the last tunnel support; it crumbles on impact. The hyenas leap for their victims; Pumbaa, Ma, and Uncle Max gasp and steel themselves as lightning flashes. As Shenzi lands right in front of them, however, the ground gives way, followed by the whole ledge area collapsing into a huge crater, swallowing all the hyenas whole. The hyenas slide through a huge subterranean tunnel complex, screaming, until they disappear into the darkness. Camera switch to the peak of Pride Rock, where Simba is just hurling Scar over the edge; Scar crashes down the cliff face, passing Pumbaa, Ma, and Uncle Max as they watch.} Pumbaa: {with finality} I'd say Scar is down and out. Uncle Max: {triumphantly} We did it. We did it! Ma: {consumed with worry; shaking Uncle Max by the chest hair} Where's Timon? Where's my baby? He's hurt! {she flings Uncle Max away} Oh, no! Oh, no! He's dead! {She grabs Pumbaa by the nose and slams him to the ground, looking downright insane} Or worse! W-we gotta find him. We've gotta find him! Timon: {emerging from the hole} It's okay, Ma. Ma: {grabs Timon and shakes him} Oh, please. It is not okay! Don't you tell me it's okay! {recognizing him; gasping} Timmy! {embraces him in a bear hug} Mmm-mm! My son... the hero. {She reaches up as though to comb his hair, but catches herself; she looks at her hands in embarrassment.} Timon: {lowering his head so she can reach it} You missed a spot. {She combs it and dusts him off} Uncle Max: {overcome; crying} That's so beautiful! {grabs Timon and hugs him tight around the neck} Timon: {eyes bugging out} Choking... Not breathing... Curtain Call
{Dissolve to the rain at night, washing over the cleansed Pride Rock. Thunder crashes as the camera pans down the rock face; Rafiki gestures to Simba to take his place as King. Before he starts up the slope, Simba turns aside to Timon and Pumbaa, who bow formally to him as the "King of Pride Rock" music plays.} Simba: {embracing them} I couldn't have done it without you guys. {He starts the march up the promontory.} Pumbaa: {proudly, but not a little wistfully} That's our boy. Timon: {on the verge of tears} Ohh... I promised myself I wasn't gonna cry. {He breaks down in sobs} {Simba roars at the tip of the promontory; Timon and Pumbaa look up at him flush with pride as the rest of the pride roars back (off-screen). Uncle Max smiles broadly. Ma beams. The meerkats and Pumbaa all share a look.} Ma: {impressed} You've really come a long way, Timon. Did you find what you were looking for? Timon: I found a place that was beyond my wildest dreams. But... it still wasn't home. {takes Ma's hand} Let's go home, Ma. {The camera dissolves to the rotating sweep that introduced the Jungle setting; Timon is now showing it off to Ma.} Ma: {awestruck} Ohhh! Timon: Welcome to our new home... a predator-free environment. Ma: I gotta hand it to you. Timon. This place has everything! Timon: Well, now that we're all here, it does. {Timon and Ma climb up on Pumbaa's snout as "Hakuna Matata" begins playing. Wipe to the inner jungle, where Uncle Max is leading a group of meerkats in a session of tai-chi.} Uncle Max: {slowly, demonstrating his movements; the meerkats all copy him} Crane... spreads its wings... Turns, with dainty hands... {Cut to meerkats arrayed along the edge of a pool, arms all upraised; one by one they dive into the water as they sing.} Meerkats: Digga tunnah,
Dig, dig a tunnah
Never gonna dig another tunnah
Digga tunnah,
Dig, digga tunnah
Never more the hyena come!{A chorus line of butterfly wings are swept out of the way; Timon dances and cavorts with a Carmen Miranda-esque hat of colorful bugs} Meerkats: Sing the praises of brave Timon
Bravest meerkat we've ever known{Uncle Max relaxes in the vine hammock with a drink, while bugs fall all around. Meerkats and Pumbaa take turns on the trampoline.} Meerkats: Never dreamed he'd help Simba shine Pumbaa: Proved it's cool to hang out with swine! {A line of meerkats fish for bugs under a log} Meerkats: Accidentally saved the day Timon: {posing next to Ma} Planned it so it would look that way! Meerkats: And brought us out of the dirt and sand
Led his family to the promised land{Timon and Ma, perched on Pumbaa's head, dive over a series of waterfalls. The meerkats all swim in the pools at the bottom, singing; Pumbaa with the two meerkats on his head rise out of the water, balanced on Simba's belly as he comes to the surface.} Meerkats: Sing the praises of brave Timon
Bravest meerkat we've ever known!{The camera pulls back to show the whole meerkat clan enjoying Hakuna Matata: doing the conga, tossing a giant grub around like a medicine ball, hanggliding, and so on.}
Timon: {narrating as the camera continues to truck out, ending with the silhouettes and the theater seats} Well, that's it. The big wrap-up, the happy ending, the grand finale. Pumbaa: {whimpering} It's over already? Timon: Well, Pumbaa. That's the thing about endings. They come at the end. Pumbaa: {brightening} Ooh, can we watch it again? Timon: Pumbaa, we just saw it. Maybe tomorrow. Ma: {entering in silhouette} Hey, what are you guys doing? {gasps as she sees the screen} You didn't tell me you were watching the movie! I wanna watch too! Timon: Ma, we just finished. Show's over. Ma: Well, you're just gonna have to rewind it! {She grabs Pumbaa's big remote and begins rewinding.} Timon: {pained} Ma! Ma: {calling offscreen} Uncle Max! We're gonna watch the movie! Timon: {despairing} Oh, no! Uncle Max: {entering, carrying a box of popcorn} Hey, I brought extra butter. Simba: {entering, walking along the seatbacks} Hey, you guys are watching the movie? Rafiki: {swinging in on vines} Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Any story worth telling is worth telling twice. {The silhouette of Mickey Mouse walks in and sits down.} Timon: What the... {Snow White comes in, followed by the Dwarfs.} Snow White: Oh, excuse me... Happy: 'Scuse me. Sneezy: 'Scuse me. Doc: 'Scuse me. Sleepy: 'Scuse me. Bashful: 'Scuse me. Grumpy: Get outta the way. Timon: Who is this crowd? {The Genie flies in and sits down in the middle, followed by Aladdin and Jasmine on the flying carpet; Belle, the Beast, Mrs. Potts and Chip, Lady and the Tramp, and the Hippo from "Fantasia" are also seated in this row.} Timon: Hey, down in front! {In another row, Goofy, the Mad Hatter, the March Hare, and Donald Duck are sitting; Stitch crawls down the wall and jumps from head to head until he gets to a vacant seat. Stitch: Oho! Goofy: Gawrsh! Stitch: Aloha! Donald Duck: {unintelligible squawking; he makes fists at Stitch} {In still another row, Quasimodo and Pocahontas sit at opposite ends of the row; Peter Pan flies in, followed by Tinker Bell, and imitates a rooster's crow. The Lost Boys all pile in, shouting. Switch to Timon's row, where he's holding two large bodies apart to keep them from squashing him.} Timon: Watch it! {straining} Unnnh! {Timon's row has Terk, Dumbo, Brer Bear, Mowgli, Baloo, the three gargoyles, and the three fairy godmothers from "Sleeping Beauty"; Terk and Victor the gargoyle squeeze together, and Timon squirts out from between them like a watermelon seed. He lands next to Pumbaa as the movie, still rewinding, nears the beginning.} Timon: {resigned} Okay, buddy. You win. Pumbaa: Sure you don't mind? Timon: {sincere} Hakuna Matata. Somebody: Shh. Somebody: Sorry. Pumbaa: Uh. Timon... {the screen goes black} I still don't do so well in crowds.
Nala: The Little Mermaid!(An ocean. Birds are flying and porpoises are swimming happily. From the fog a ship appears crashing through the waves)
Sailors: I'll tell you a tale of the bottomless blue
And it's hey to the starboard, heave ho
Look out, lad, a mermaid be waitin' for you
In mysterious fathoms below.
Eric: Isn't this great? The salty sea air, the wind blowing in your face . . . a perfect day to be at sea!
Grimsby: (Leaning over side.) Oh yes . . . delightful . . . .
Sailor 1: A fine strong wind and a following sea. King Triton must be in a friendly-type mood.
Eric: King Triton?
Sailor 2: Why, ruler of the merpeople, lad. Thought every good sailor knew about him.
Grimsby: Merpeople! Eric, pay no attention to this nautical nonsense.
Sailor 2: But it ain't nonsense, it's the truth! I'm tellin' you, down in the depths o' the ocean they live. (He gestures wildly, Fish in his hand flops away and lands back in the ocean, relieved.)
Sailors: Heave. ho. Heave, ho. In mysterious fathoms below. (Fish sighs and swims away.)
(Titles. Various fish swimming. Merpeople converge on a great undersea palace, filling concert hall inside. Fanfare ensues.)
Seahorse: Ahem . . . His royal highness, King Triton! (Triton enters dramatically to wild cheering.) And presenting the distinguished court composer, Horatio Thelonious Ignatius Crustaceous Sebastian! (Sebastian enters to mild applause.)
Triton: I'm really looking forward to this performance, Sebastian.
Sebastian: Oh, Your Majesty, this will be the finest concert I have ever conducted. Your daughters - they will be spectacular!
Triton: Yes, and especially my little Ariel.
Sebastian: Yes, yes, she has the most beautiful voice. . . . [sotto] If only she'd show up for rehearsals once in a while. . . . (He proceeds to podium and begins to direct orchestra.)
Triton's daughters: Ah, we are the daughters of Triton.
Great father who loves us and named us well:
Aquata, Andrina, Arista, Atina, Adella, Allana.
And then there is the youngest in her musical debut,
Our seventh little sister, we're presenting her to you,
To sing a song Sebastian wrote, her voice is like a bell,
She's our sister, Ar-i . . .
(Shell opens to reveal that Ariel is absent.)
Triton: (Very angry.) Ariel!!
(Cut to Ariel looking at sunken ship.)
Flounder: (From distance.) Ariel, wait for me . . .
Ariel: Flounder, hurry up!
Flounder: (Catching up.) You know I can't swim that fast.
Ariel: There it is. Isn't it fantastic?
Flounder: Yeah . . . sure . . . it - it's great. Now let's get outta here.
Ariel: You're not getting cold fins now, are you?
Flounder: Who, me? No way. It's just, it, err . . . it looks - damp in there.
Yeah. And I think I may be coming down with something. Yeah, I've got this cough. (Flounder coughs unconvincingly)
Ariel: All right. I'm going inside. You can just stay here and - watch for sharks. (She goes inside.)
Flounder: O.K. Yeah - you go. I'll stay and - what? Sharks! Ariel! (He tries to fit through porthole.) Ariel . . . I can't . . . I mean - Ariel help!
Ariel: (Laughs.) Oh, Flounder.
Flounder: (Whispering.)Ariel, do you really think there might be sharks around here? (Shark passes outside.)
Ariel: Flounder, don't be such a guppy.
Flounder: I'm not a guppy. (Gets pulled through porthole.)This is great - I mean, I really love this. Excitement, adventure, danger lurking around every corn- YAAAAHHHHHHHH!! Ariel!! (He sees a skull, crashes into pillar causing cave in, and swims frantically away, knocking over Ariel.)
Ariel: Oh, are you okay?
Flounder: Yeah sure, no problem, I'm okay . . .
Ariel: Shhh . . . (Seeing a fork.) Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Have you ever seen anything so wonderful in your entire life?
Flounder: Wow, cool! But, err, what is it?
Ariel: I don't know. But I bet Scuttle will. (Puts fork in bag. Skark swims by outside.)
Flounder: What was that? Did you hear something?
Ariel: (Distracted by pipe.) Hmm, I wonder what this one is?
Flounder: Ariel . .
Ariel: Flounder, will you relax. Nothing is going to happen.
Flounder: (Seeing Shark looming behind him.) AAHHHH!! Run!! Run!! We're gonna die!! (Shark chases them all around. Ariel's bag is hung up. She goes back for it. Shark almost gets them. They head for porthole.) Oh No!!
(They crash through and go round and round. Flounder gets knocked silly but Ariel saves him and traps Shark) You big bully. THBBBTTTT . . . (Shark snaps at him and he swims away.)
Ariel: (Laughing.) Flounder, you really are a guppy.
Flounder: I am not.
(On surface. Scuttle on his island humming and looking through his telescope.)
Ariel: Scuttle!
Scuttle: (Looking through the telescope the wrong way, shouting.) Whoa! Mermaid off the port bow! Ariel, how you doin' kid? (Lowers telescope to reveal Ariel at wing's length.) Whoa, what a swim!
Ariel: Scuttle - look what we found.
Flounder: Yeah - we were in this sunken ship - it was really creepy.
Scuttle: Human stuff, huh? Hey, lemme see. (Picks up fork.) Look at this. Wow - this is special - this is very, very unusual.
Ariel: What? What is it?
Scuttle: It's a dinglehopper! Humans use these little babies . . . to straighten their hair out. See - just a little twirl here an' a yank there and - voiolay! You got an aesthetically pleasing configuration of hair that humans go nuts over!
Ariel: A dinglehopper!
Flounder: What about that one?
Scuttle: (Holding pipe) Ah - this I haven't seen in years. This is wonderful! A banded, bulbous - snarfblat.
Ariel and Flounder: Oohhh.
Scuttle: Now, the snarfblat dates back to prehistorical times, when humans used to sit around, and stare at each other all day. Got very boring. So, they invented the snarfblat to make fine music. Allow me. (Scuttle blows into the pipe; seaweed pops out the other end.)
Ariel: Music? Oh, the concert! Oh my gosh, my father's gonna kill me!
Flounder: The concert was today?
Scuttle: (Still contemplating pipe.) Maybe you could make a little planter out of it or somethin'.
Ariel: Uh, I'm sorry, I've gotta go. Thank you Scuttle. (Waves.)
Scuttle: Anytime sweetie, anytime.
(Cut to Flotsam and Jetsam, then Ursula in background watching magic projection of Ariel swimming.)
Ursula: Yeeeeeees, hurry home, princess. We wouldn't want to miss old daddy's celebration, now, would we? Huh! Celebration indeed. Bah! In MY day, we had fantastical feasts when I lived in the palace. And now, look at me - wasted away to practically nothing - banished and exiled and practically starving, while he and his flimsy fish-folk celebrate. Well, I'll give 'em something to celebrate soon enough. Flotsam! Jetsam! I want you to keep an extra close watch on this pretty little daughter of his. She may be the key to Triton's undoing. . . .
(Fade to the palace throne room where Ariel is being admonished.)
Triton: I just don't know what we're going to do with you, young lady.
Ariel: Daddy, I'm sorry, I just forgot, I -
Triton: As a result of your careless behaviour -
Sebastian: Careless and reckless behaviour!
Triton: - the entire celebration was, er -
Sebastian: Well, it was ruined! That's all. Completely destroyed! This concert was to be the pinnacle of my distinguished career. Now thanks to you I am the laughing stock of the entire kingdom!
Flounder: But it wasn't her fault! Ah - well - first, ahh, this shark chased us - yeah - yeah! And we tried to - but we couldn't - and - grrrrrrrrr - and - and we - whoooaaaaaa - oh, and then we were safe. But then this seagull came, and it was this is this, and that is that, and -
Triton: Seagull? What? Oh - you went up to the surface again, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?
Ariel: Nothing - happened. . . .
Triton: Oh, Ariel, How many times must we go through this? You could've been seen by one of those barbarians - by - by one of those humans!
Ariel: Daddy, they're not barbarians!
Triton: They're dangerous. Do you think I want to see my youngest daughter snared by some fish-eater's hook?
Ariel: I'm sixteen years old - I'm not a child anymore -
Triton: Don't you take that tone of voice with me young lady. As long as you live under my ocean, you'll obey my rules!
Ariel: But if you would just listen -
Triton: Not another word - and I am never, NEVER to hear of you going to the surface again. Is that clear? (Ariel leaves, crying.)
Sebastian: Hm! Teenagers. . . . They think they know everything. You give them an inch, they swim all over you.
Triton: Do you, er, think I - I was too hard on her?
Sebastian: Definitely not. Why, if Ariel was my daughter, I'd show her who was boss. None of this "flitting to the surface" and other such nonsense. No, sir - I'd keep her under tight control.
Triton: You're absolutely right, Sebastian.
Sebastian: Of course.
Triton: Ariel needs constant supervision.
Sebastian: Constant.
Triton: Someone to watch over her - to keep her out of trouble.
Sebastian: All the time -
Triton: And YOU are just the crab to do it.
(Cut to Sebastian walking down corridor.)
Sebastian: How do I get myself into these situations? I should be writing symphonies - not tagging along after some headstrong teenager. (Sees Ariel and Flounder sneaking off and follows.) Hmm? What is that girl up to? (He barely makes it into cave and sees Ariel's collection.) Huh?
Flounder: Ariel, are you okay?
Ariel: If only I could make him understand. I just don't see things the way he does. I don't see how a world that makes such wonderful things - could be bad.
Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has ev'rything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Lookin' around here you'd think
Sure, she's got everything
I've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
(You want thingamabobs?
I got twenty)
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more
I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see
Wanna see 'em dancin'
Walkin' around on those
(Whad'ya call 'em?) oh - feet
Flippin' your fins you don't get too far
Legs are required for jumpin', dancin'
Strollin' along down a
(What's that word again?) street
Up where they walk
Up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free
Wish I could be
Part of that world
What would I give
If I could live
Outta these waters?
What would I pay
To spend a day
Warm on the sand?
Betcha on land
They understand
Bet they don't reprimand their daughters
Bright young women
Sick o' swimmin'
Ready to stand
And ready to know what the people know
Ask 'em my questions
And get some answers
What's a fire and why does it
(What's the word?) burn?
When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love
Love to explore that shore above?
Out of the sea
Wish I could be
Part of that world
(Sebastian has been struggling around and now comes crashing down making a lot of noise.)
Ariel: Sebastian!?
Sebastian: Ariel - what, are you mad? How could you - what is all this?
Ariel: It, err, it's just my - collection. . . .
Sebastian: Oh. I see. Your collection. Hmmm. IF YOUR FATHER KNEW ABOUT THIS PLACE HE'D -
Flounder: You're not gonna tell him, are you?
Ariel: Oh, please, Sebastian, he would never understand.
Sebastian: Ariel. You're under a lot of pressure down here. Come with me, I'll take you home and get you something warm to drink. (A ship passes by overhead.)
Ariel: What do you suppose?. . .
Sebastian: Ariel? Ariel!
(On surface. Fireworks in the sky around ship. Ariel looks on, amazed. Sebastian and Flounder arrive.)
Sebastian: Ariel, what - what are you- jumpin' jellyfish! Ariel, Ariel! Please come back! (Ariel swims to ship and watches party until Max finds her.)
Eric: (Whistles.) Max, here boy. Hey, come on, mutt, whatcha doing, huh Max? Good boy. (Ariel sees him and is stricken.)
Scuttle: Hey there, sweetie! Quite a show, eh?
Ariel: Scuttle, be quiet! They'll hear you.
Scuttle: Oooh, I gotcha, I gotcha. We're being intrepidatious. WE'RE OUT TO DISCOVER! (Ariel grabs his beak.)
Ariel: I've never seen a human this close before. Oh - he's very handsome, isn't he?
Scuttle: (Looking at Max) I dunno, he looks kinda hairy and slobbery to me.
Ariel: Not that one - the one playing the snarfblat.
Grimsby: Silence! Silence! It is now my honour and privilege to present our esteemed Prince Eric with a very special, very expensive, very large birthday present.
Eric: Ah, Grimsby - y'old beanpole, you shouldn't have.
Grimsby: I know. Happy birthday, Eric! (Large, gaudy statue of Eric is revealed. Max growls.)
Eric: Gee, Grim. It's, err, it's, err - it's really somethin'. . . .
Grimsby: Yes, I commissioned it myself. Of course, I had hoped it would be a wedding present, but . . .
Eric: Come on, Grim, don't start. Look, you're not still sore because I didn't fall for the princess of Glauerhaven, are you?
Grimsby: Oh, Eric, it isn't me alone. The entire kingdom wants to see you happily settled down with the right girl.
Eric: Well, she's out there somewhere. I just - I just haven't found her yet.
Grimsby: Well, perhaps you haven't been looking hard enough.
Eric: Believe me, Grim, when I find her I'll know - without a doubt. It'll just - bam! - hit me - like lightning. (Lightning and thunder appear and the sky grows dark.)
Sailor: Hurricane a'commin'!! Stand fast! Secure the riggin'! (Storm hits.)
Scuttle: Whoa! The wind's all of a sudden on the move here. (He is blown away.) Oh! Ariel . . . (Ship crashes through storm. Lightning starts a fire. A rock looms ahead.)
Eric: Look out! . . . (Ship crashes and all are thrown overboard except Max.) Grim, hang on! (Sees Max.) Max! (Goes back to save him.) Jump Max! Come on boy, jump! You can do it Max. (He saves Max but is trapped on board.)
Grimsby: ERIC! (Ship explodes. Ariel finds Eric near drowning and pulls him away.)
(On beach. Ariel is sitting next to an unconscious Eric.)
Ariel: Is he - dead?
Scuttle: (Opens Eric's eyelid.) It's hard to say. (Puts his ear against Eric's foot.) Oh, I - I can't make out a heartbeat.
Ariel: No, look! He's breathing. He's so, beautiful.
What would I give
To live where you are?
What would I pay
To stay here beside you?
What would I do to see you
Smiling at me?
Where would we walk?
Where would we run?
If we could stay all day in the sun?
Just you and me
And I could be
Part of your world
(Sebastian and Flounder have washed up and are watching scene. Max and Grimsby approach. Ariel hurries away.)
Grimsby: Eric! Oh, Eric. You really delight in these sadistic strains on my blood pressure, don't you?
Eric: A girl - rescued me. . . . She was - singing . . . she had the most - beautiful voice.
Grimsby: Ah, Eric, I think you've swallowed a bit too much seawater. Off we go. Come on, Max.
Sebastian: We just gotta forget this whole thing ever happened. The sea king will never know. You won't tell him, I won't tell him. I will stay in one piece.
Ariel:
I don't know when
I don't know how
But I know something's starting right now
Watch and you'll see
Some day I'll be
Part of your world
(Flotsam and Jetsam appear. Fade to Ursula watching from her chamber.)
Ursula: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I can't stand it - it's too easy. The child is in love with a human. And not just any human - a prince! Her daddy'll LOVE that. King Triton's headstrong, lovesick girl would make a charming addition to my little garden.
(Fade to palace. Then sister's dressing room.)
Andrina: Ariel, dear, time to come out. You've been in there all morning.
(Ariel emerges, singing to herself.)
Atina: What is with her lately?
Ariel: Morning, Daddy. (Ariel swims off.)
Atina: Oh, she's got it bad.
Triton: What? What has she got?
Andrina: Isn't it obvious, Daddy? Ariel's in love.
Triton: Ariel? In love?
(Cut to Sebastian pacing on rock outside.)
Sebastian: O.K. So far, so good. I don't think the king knows. But it will not be easy keeping something like this a secret for long.
Ariel: (Picking petals off a flower) He loves me . . . hmmm, he loves me not. . . . He loves me! I knew it!
Sebastian: Ariel, stop talking crazy.
Ariel: I gotta see him again - tonight! Scuttle knows where he lives.
Sebastian: Ariel - please. Will you get your head out of the clouds and back in the water where it belongs?
Ariel: I'll swim up to his castle. Then Flounder will splash around to get his attention, and then with -
Sebastian: Down HERE is your home! Ariel - listen to me. The human world - it's a mess. Life under the sea is better than anything they got up there.
The seaweed is always greener
In somebody else's lake
You dream about going up there
But that is a big mistake
Just look at the world around you
Right here on the ocean floor
Such wonderful things surround you
What more is you lookin' for?
Under the sea
Under the sea
Darling it's better
Down where it's wetter
Take it from me
Up on the shore they work all day
Out in the sun they slave away
While we devotin'
Full time to floatin'
Under the sea
Down here all the fish is happy
As off through the waves they roll
The fish on the land ain't happy
They sad 'cause they in their bowl
But fish in the bowl is lucky
They in for a worser fate
One day when the boss get hungry
Guess who's gon' be on the plate
Under the sea
Under the sea
Nobody beat us
Fry us and eat us
In fricassee
We what the land folks loves to cook
Under the sea we off the hook
We got no troubles
Life is the bubbles
Under the sea
Under the sea
Since life is sweet here
We got the beat here
Naturally
Even the sturgeon an' the ray
They get the urge 'n' start to play
We got the spirit
You got to hear it
Under the sea
The newt play the flute
The carp play the harp
The plaice play the bass
And they soundin' sharp
The bass play the brass
The chub play the tub
The fluke is the duke of soul
(Yeah)
The ray he can play
The lings on the strings
The trout rockin' out
The blackfish she sings
The smelt and the sprat
They know where it's at
An' oh that blowfish blow
Under the sea
Under the sea
When the sardine
Begin the beguine
It's music to me
What do they got? A lot of sand
We got a hot crustacean band
Each little clam here
know how to jam here
Under the sea
Each little slug here
Cuttin' a rug here
Under the sea
Each little snail here
Know how to wail here
That's why it's hotter
Under the water
Ya we in luck here
Down in the muck here
Under the sea
(They discover that Ariel has left with Flounder.)
Ariel? Ariel? Oh . . . somebody's got to nail that girl's fins to the floor.
Seahorse: Sebastian! Sebastian, I've been looking all over for you. I've got an urgent message from the sea king.
Sebastian: The sea king?
Seahorse: He wants to see you right away - something about Ariel.
Sebastian: He knows!
(In palace throne room. Triton looking at flower.)
Triton: Let's see, now. . . . Oh, who could the lucky merman be? (Notices Sebastian.) Come in, Sebastian.
Sebastian: (Sotto) I mustn't overreact. I must remain calm. (Five octaves higher than normal) Yes - (loco) yes, Your Majesty.
Triton: Now, Sebastian, I'm concerned about Ariel. Have you noticed she's been acting peculiar lately?
Sebastian: Peculiar?
Triton: You know, moaning about, daydreaming, singing to herself. . . . You haven't noticed, hmm?
Sebastian: Oh - well, I -
Triton: Sebastian. . . .
Sebastian: Hmmm?
Triton: I know you've been keeping something from me. . . .
Sebastian: Keeping . . . something?
Triton: About Ariel?
Sebastian: Ariel . . . ?
Triton: In love?
Sebastian: I tried to stop her, sir. She wouldn't listen. I told her to stay away from humans - they are bad, they are trouble, they -
Triton: Humans? WHAT ABOUT HUMANS?
Sebastian: Humans? Ho ho ho ho. . . . Who said anything about humans?
(Fade to Ariel and Flounder entering cave.)
Ariel: Flounder, why can't you just tell me what this is all about?
Flounder: You'll see. It's a suprise.
Ariel: (Sees statue of Eric.) Oh, Flounder- Flounder you're the best! it looks just like him. It even has his eyes. "Why, Eric, run away with you? This is all so - so sudden. . . . (Turns around and sees Triton.) Daddy! . . .
Triton: I consider myself a reasonable merman. I set certain rules, and I expect those rules to be obeyed.
Ariel: But Daddy!-
Triton: Is it true you rescued a human from drowing?
Ariel: Daddy, I had to-
Triton: Contact between the human world and the mer-world is strictly forbidden. Ariel, you know that! Everyone knows that!
Ariel: He would have died-
Triton: One less human to worry about!
Ariel: You don't even know him.
Triton: Know him? I don't have to know him. They're all the same. Spineless, savage, harpooning, fish-eaters, incapable of any feeling-
Ariel: Daddy, I love him!
Triton: No . . . Have you lost your senses completely? He's a human, you're a mermaid!
Ariel: I don't care.
Triton: So help me Ariel, I am going to get through to you. And if this is the only way, so be it. (Begins to blast the artifacts with his trident.)
Ariel: Daddy!. . . No . . . No, please- Daddy, stop!. . . Daddy, Nooo!!. . .
(He blasts statue. Ariel begins crying and he leaves, ashamed.)
Sebastian: Ariel, I . . .
Ariel: (Still crying.) Just go away. (He leaves and Flotsan and Jetsam appear.)
Flotsam: Poor child.
Jetsam: Poor, sweet child.
Flotsam: She has a very serious problem
Jetsam: If only there were something we could do.
Flotsam: But there is something.
Ariel: Who - who are you?
Jetsam: Don't be scared.
Flotsam: We represent someone who can help you.
Jetsam: Someone who could make all your dreams come true.
Flotsam and Jetsam: Just imagine -
Jetsam: You and your prince -
Flotsam and Jetsam: Together, forever. . . .
Ariel: I don't understand.
Jetsam: Ursula has great powers
Ariel: The sea witch? Why, that's - I couldn't possibly - no! Get out of here! Leave me alone!
Flotsam: Suit yourself.
Jetsam: It was only a suggestion.
[Jetsam flicks the statue's broken face towards Ariel.]
Ariel: [Looking at the face] Wait.
Flotsam and Jetsam: Yeeeeeeeeeess?
(Cut to outside of cave with Flounder and Sebastian.)
Flounder: (snif) Poor Ariel.
Sebastian: I didn't mean to tell, it was an accident. (Ariel passes by.) Ariel - where are you going? Ariel, what are you doing here with this riff-raff?
Ariel: I'm going to see Ursula.
Sebastian: Ariel, no! No, she's a demon, she's a monster!
Ariel: Why don't you go tell my father? You're good at that.
Sebastian: But . . . But, I . . . (To Flounder.) Come on. (They travel towards Ursula's cavern.)
Flotsam and Jetsam: This way. (Ariel enters and is hung up in the garden of souls.)
Ursula: Come in. Come in, my child. We mustn't lurk in doorways - it's rude. One MIGHT question your upbringing. . . . Now, then. You're here because you have a thing for this human. This, er, prince fellow. Not that I blame you - he is quite a catch, isn't he? Well, angel fish, the solution to your problem is simple. The only way to get what you want - is to become a human yourself.
Ariel: Can you DO that?
Ursula: My dear, sweet child. That's what I do - it's what I live for. To help unfortunate merfolk - like yourself. Poor souls with no one else to turn to.
I admit that in the past I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch
But you'll find that nowadays
I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light and made a switch
True? Yes
And I fortunately know a little magic
It's a talent that I always have possessed
And here lately, please don't laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, lonely and depressed
(Pathetic)
Poor unfortunate souls
In pain
In need
This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed
Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad
So true
They come flocking to my cauldron
Crying, "Spells, Ursula please!"
And I help them?
Yes, I do
Now it's happened once or twice
Someone couldn't pay the price
And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals
e="3">Yes, I've had the odd complaint
But on the whole I've been a saint
To those poor unfortunate souls
Now, here's the deal. I will make you a potion that will turn you into a human for three days. Got that? Three days. Now listen, this is important. Before the sun sets on the third day, you've got to get dear ol' princey to fall in love with you. That is, he's got to kiss you. Not just any kiss - the kiss of true love. If he does kiss you before the sun sets on the third day, you'll remain human, permanently, but - if he doesn't, you turn back into a mermaid, and - you belong to me.
Sebastian: No Ariel! (He is silenced by Flotsam and Jetsam.)
Ursula: Have we got a deal?
Ariel: If I become human, I'll never be with my father or sisters again.
Ursula: That's right. . . . But - you'll have your man. Life's full of tough choices, innit? Oh - and there is one more thing. We haven't discussed the subject of payment. You can't get something for nothing, you know.
Ariel: But I don't have any -
Ursula: I'm not asking much. Just a token, really, a trifle. You'll never even miss it. What I want from you is . . . your voice.
Ariel: My voice?
Ursula: You've got it, sweetcakes. No more talking, singing, zip.
Ariel: But without my voice, how can I -
Ursula: You'll have your looks! Your pretty face! And don't underestimate the importance of body language! Ha!
The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They think a girl who gossips is a bore
Yes, on land it's much preferred
For ladies not to say a word
And after all, dear, what is idle prattle for?
Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On a lady who's withdrawn
It's she who holds her tongue who gets her man
Come on, you poor unfortunate soul
Go ahead!
Make your choice!
I'm a very busy woman
And I haven't got all day
It won't cost much
Just your voice!
You poor unfortunate soul
It's sad
But true
If you want to cross a bridge, my sweet
You've got to pay the toll
Take a gulp and take a breath
And go ahead and sign the scroll!
Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've gother, boys
The boss is on a roll
This poor unfortunate soul.
(Ariel signs contract.)
Paluga, sarruga, come winds of the Caspian Sea.
Now rings us glossitis and max laryngitis,
La voce to me!
Now . . . sing!
Ariel: (Sings.)
Ursula: Keep singing! (Giant magical hands rip out Ariel's voice and give it to
Ursula. She laughs as Ariel is changed into a human and rushed to the surface by Flounder and Sebastian.)
(Fade to beach. Eric and Max are walking near castle.)
Eric: (Playing flute.) That voice. I can't get it out of my head. I've looked everywhere, Max - where could she be? (On other side of rocks Ariel is washed up. Sebastian and Flounder are exausted. Ariel sees her legs and is amazed.)
Scuttle: Well, look at what the catfish dragged in! Look at ya! Look at ya! There's something different. Don't tell me - I got it. It's your hairdo, right? You've been using the dinglehopper, right? No? No huh, well let me see. New . . . seashells? No new seashells. I gotta admit I can't put my foot on it right now, but if I just stand here long enough I know that I'll -
Sebastian: SHE'S GOT LEGS, YOU IDIOT! She traded her voice to the sea witch and got legs. Jeez, man . . .
Scuttle: I knew that.
Flounder: Ariel's been turned into a human. She's gotta make the prince fall in love with her, and he's gotta ki- he's gotta kiss her. (Ariel tries to get up.)
Sebastian: And she's only got three days. Just look at her. On legs. On human legs! My nerves are shot. This is a catastrophe! What would her father say? I'll tell you what her father'd say, he'd say he's gonna kill himself a crab, that's what her father'd say! I'm gonna march meself straight home right now and tell him just like I shoulda done de minute- (Ariel grabs him.) . . . and don't you shake your head at me, young lady. Maybe there's still time. If we could get that witch to give you back your voice, you could go home with all the normal fish, and just be . . . just be . . . just be miserable for the rest of your life. All right, all right. I'll try to help you find that prince. Boy. What a soft-shell I'm turning out to be.
Scuttle: Now, Ariel, I'm tellin' ya, if you wanna be a human the first thing you gotta do is dress like one. Now lemme see.
(Cut to Eric and Max. Max smells Ariel and gets excited.)
Eric: Max? Huh . . . what, Max!
Scuttle: (Whistles.) Ya look great kid. Ya look - sensational. (They hear Max. He arrives and chases Ariel up on a rock.)
Eric: Max . . . Max - Quiet Max! What's gotten into you fella? (Sees Ariel.) Oh . . . Oh, I see. Are you O.K., miss? I'm sorry if this knucklehead scared you. He's harmless, really - . . . you . . . seem very familiar . . . to me. Have we met? We have met? I knew it! You're the one - the one I've been looking for! What's your name? (Ariel mouths "Ariel" but no words come out.) What's wrong? What is it? You can't speak? (Ariel shakes her head.) Oh. Then you couldn't be who I thought. (Ariel and Max look frustrated. She tries pantomime.) What is it? You're hurt? No, No . . . You need help. (She falls into him.) Whoa, whoa, careful - careful - easy. Gee, you must have really been through something. Don't worry, I'll help you. Come on . . . Come on, you'll be okay.
(Fade to Ariel in bath playing with bubbles.)
Carlotta: Washed up from a shipwreck. Oh, the poor thing. We'll have you feeling better in no time. [Picks up Ariel's "dress"] I'll just - I'll just get this washed for you.
(Cut to Sebastian in dress getting washed.)
Woman 1: Well you must have at least heard about this girl.
Woman 2: Well, Gretchen says . . . (Sebastian is dunked.) . . . since when has Gretchen got anything right. I mean really, this girl shows up in rags and doesn't speak-
Sebastian: Madame, please ! . . .
Woman 2: . . . not my idea of a princess. If Eric's looking for a girl, I know a couple of highly available ones right here . . . (Sebastian dives into kitchen and sees various fish cooking. He faints.)
(Cut to castle dining room.)
Grimsby: Oh, Eric, be reasonable. Nice young ladies just don't - swim around rescuing people in the middle of the ocean and then - flutter off into oblivion, like some -
Eric: I'm tellin' you, Grim, she was REAL! I'm gonna find that girl - and I'm gonna marry her.
Carlotta: Ha Ha. Come on honey. Don't be shy. (Ariel enteres in a beautiful dress.)
Grimsby: Oh, Eric, isn't she a vision?
Eric: You look - wonderful.
Grimsby: Come come come, you must be famished. Let me help you my dear. There we go - ah - quite comfy? Uh. It's - It's not ofen that we have such a lovely dinner guest, eh Eric? (Ariel starts combing hair with a fork. They look dumbfounded and she is embarrased. She sees pipe and brightens.) Uh, do you like it? It is rather - fine . . . (She blows its contents into his face. Eric laughs.)
Carlotta: Oh, my!
Eric: Ahem, so sorry Grim.
Carlotta: Why, Eric, that's the first time I've seen you smile in weeks.
Grimsby: (Wiping his face.) Oh, very amusing. Carlotta, my dear, what's for dinner?
Carlotta: Oooh, you're gonna love it. Chef's been fixing his specialty, stuffed crab.
(Cut to Sebastian watching Louis cook. He is humming to himself.)
Louis:
Les poissons
Les poissons
How I love les poissons
Love to chop
And to serve little fish
First I cut off their heads
Then I pull out the bones
Ah mais oui
Ca c'est toujours delish
Les poissons
Les poissons
Hee hee hee
Hah hah hah
With the cleaver I hack them in two
I pull out what's inside
And I serve it up fried
God, I love little fishes
Don't you?
Here's something for tempting the palate
Prepared in the classic technique
First you pound the fish flat with a mallet
Then you slash through the skin
Give the belly a slice
Then you rub some salt in
'Cause that makes it taste nice
Zut alors, I have missed one!
Sacre bleu
What is this?
How on earth could I miss
Such a sweet little succulent crab?
Quel dommage
What a loss
Here we go in the sauce
Now some flour, I think
Just a dab
Now I stuff you with bread
It don't hurt 'cause you're dead
And you're certainly lucky you are
'Cause it's gonna be hot
In my big silver pot
Toodle loo mon poisson
Au revoir!
(Sebastian hops back and Louis grabs him again.) What is this? (Sebastian pinches his nose and a battle ensues. Louis knocks over a large cabinet.)
(Cut to dining room. Huge crash is heard.)
Carlotta: I think I'd better go see what Louis is up to.
(Back to kitchen. Louis is trashing the place.)
Louis: Come out you little pipsqueak and fight like a man!
Carlotta: Louis! What are you doing?
Louis: Well - I - I was just - er, er, I'm sorry, madame.
(Cut back to dining room.)
Grimsby: You know, Eric, perhaps our young guest might enjoy seeing some of the sights of the kingdom. Something in the way of a tour?
Eric: I'm sorry, Grim, what was that?
Grimsby: You can't spend all your time moping about, you need to get out. Do something, have a life. (Grimsby lifts his plate's cover to reveal Sebastian cowering in the salad.) Get your mind off -
Eric: Easy, Grim, Easy. (Ariel lifts her own plate cover and signals for Sebastian to hide there. Sebastian rushes across while no one is looking.)
It's not a bad idea. If she's interested. Well - whaddaya say? Would you like to join me on a tour of my kingdom tomorrow?
(Ariel nods vigorously, leaning heavily on her plate's cover.)
Grimsby: Wonderful, now let's eat, before this crab wanders off my plate.
(Fade to Ariel watching Eric and Max from balcony.)
Eric: Come here boy! . . . Arrr . . . (He sees Ariel and waves. She is embarassed and goes back inside.)
Sebastian: This has got to be, without a doubt, the single most humiliating day of my life. I hope you appreciate what I go through for you, young lady. Now - we got to make a plan to get that boy to kiss you. Tomorrow, when he takes you for that ride, you gotta look your best. You gotta bat your eyes - like this. You gotta pucker up your lips - like this. (He sees she is asleep.) Hm. You are hopeless child. You know dat? Completely hopeless . . .
(Fade to undersea palace. Seahorse swims up to Triton.)
Triton: Any sign of them?
Seahorse: No, Your Majesty. We've searched everywhere. We've found no trace of your daughter - or Sebastian.
Triton: Well, keep looking. Leave no shell unturned, no coral unexplored. Let no one in this kingdom sleep until she's safe at home.
Seahorse: Yes sire. (He leaves.)
Triton: Oh, what have I done? What have I done?
(Morning at castle. Ariel and Eric leave for their tour. Ariel is amazed by everything.)
Flounder: (As they pass water.) Has he kissed her yet?
Sebastian: Not yet.
Flounder: Ohh . . . (Ariel and Eric go dancing and see the town.)
Scuttle: Yo, Flounder! Any kissing?
Flounder: No, not yet.
Scuttle: Hmm. Well they - they better get crackin'. (They leave town and Ariel drives, almost crashing. They end up rowing on a still lagoon in the evening.)
Flounder: Move over - move your big feathers. I can't see a thing.
Scuttle: Nothing is happening. . . . Only one day left, and that boy ain't puckered up once. O.K. All right, this calls for a little vocal romantic stimulation. Stand back. (He flies over and sings very badly.)
Eric: Wow. Somebody should find that poor animal and put it out of its misery.
Sebastian: Jeez, man, I'm surrounded by amateurs! You want something done, you've got to do it yourself. First, we got to create the mood. Percussion. . . . Strings. . . . Winds. . . . Words. . . .
There you see her
Sitting there across the way
She don't got a lot to say
But there's something about her
And you don't know why
But you're dying to try
You wanna kiss the girl
Eric: Did you hear something?
Sebastian:
Yes, you want her
Look at her, you know you do
Possible she wants you too
There is one way to ask her
It don't take a word
Not a single word
Go on and kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
My oh my
Look like the boy too shy
Ain't gonna kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Ain't that sad?
Ain't it a shame?
Too bad, he gonna miss the girl
Eric: You know, I feel really bad not knowing your name. Heh - maybe I could guess. Is it, err, Mildred? O.K., no. How 'bout - Diana? Rachel?
Sebastian: Ariel. Her name is Ariel.
Eric: Ariel? Ariel? Well, that's kinda pretty. O.K. - Ariel. . .
Sebastian:
Now's your moment
Floating in a blue lagoon
Boy you better do it soon
No time will be better
She don't say a word
And she won't say a word
Until you kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Don't be scared
You got the mood prepared
Go on and kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Don't stop now
Don't try to hide it how
You want to kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Float along
And listen to the song
The song say kiss the girl
Sha la la la la
The music play
Do what the music say
You got to kiss the girl
You've got to kiss the girl
You wanna kiss the girl
You've gotta kiss the girl
Go on and kiss the girl
(The boat tips over.)
Eric: Whoa, hang on - I've gotcha. (Flotsam and Jetsam congradulate each other.)
(Cut to Ursula's cavern.)
Ursula: Nice work, boys. That was a close one. Too close. The little tramp! Oh, she's better than I thought. At this rate, he'll be kissing her by sunset for sure. Well, it's time Ursula took matters into her own tentacles! Triton's daughter will be mine - and then I'll make him writhe. I'll see him wriggle like a worm on a hook! (Laughing, she transforms into a human with Ariel's voice.)
(Fade to castle at night. Eric is playing the flute and contemplating as Grimsby approaches.)
Grimsby: Eric, if I may say, far better than any dream girl, is one of flesh and blood, one warm and caring, and right before your eyes. (He sees Ariel, sighs, and tosses away flute. He is distracted by Ursula/Vanessa singing with Ariel's voice and is placed under her spell.)
(Scuttle flying toward castle in morning.)
Scuttle: Ariel! Ariel, wake up! Wake up! I just heard the news. Congratulations, kiddo, we did it!
Sebastian: What is this idiot babbling about?
Scuttle: Right - as if you two didn't know, uh? The whole town's buzzin' about the prince gettin' himself hitched this afternoon! You know, he's getting married! You silly sidewalker! I just wanted to wish you luck. I'll catch you later, I wouldn't miss it! (Ariel brightens and runs downstairs, only to see Eric and Vanessa together.)
Grimsby: Well, uh - err, Eric. I-it appears that I was mistaken. This mystery maiden of yours does - in fact exist. And - and she is lovely. Congratulations, my dear.
Eric: We wish to be married as soon as possible.
Grimsby: Oh, yes - of course, Eric, but, er - but these things do take time, you know. . . .
Eric: This afternoon, Grimsby. The wedding ship departs at sunset.
Grimsby: Oh, oh - very well, Eric - as you wish. (Ariel runs off crying.)
(Cut to late afternoon as wedding ship starts to leave. Ariel on pier crying bitterly as Sebastian and Flounder look on.)
(Cut to Scuttle flying and humming to himself.)
Vanessa: What a lovely little bride I'll make, my dear I'll look divine
Things are working out according to my ultimate design
Soon I'll have that little mermaid and the ocean will be mine!
Scuttle: (Seeing real Ursula in mirror.) The sea witch! Oh no . . . She's-
I gotta. . . (Runs into side of ship. Flies off to find Ariel.) Ariel!
Ariel! Ariel. I was flying, I wa - of course I was flying - An' - I s- I
saw that the watch - the witch was watchin' a mirror, and she was singin'
with a stolen set o' pipes! Do you hear what I'm tellin' you? THE PRINCE
IS MARRYING THE SEA WITCH IN DISGUISE!
Sebastian: Are you sure about this?
Scuttle: Have I ever been wrong? I mean when it's important!
Flounder: What are we gonna do!? (Ariel hears Ursula's voice in her head as the
sun drops.)
Ursula: . . . Before the sun sets on the third day. . . . (Ariel jumps in water
but can't swim well. Sebastian sends down some barrels.)
Sebastian: Ariel, grab on to that. Flounder, get her to that boat as fast as
your fins can carry you!
Flounder: I'll try.
Sebastian: I've gotta get to the sea king. He must know about this.
Scuttle: What - What about me? What about ME?
Sebastian: You - find a way to STALL THAT WEDDING!
Scuttle: Stall the wedding. Wh- what am I - what - that's it! (He flies off to
rally the animals and fish.) Move it, let's go, we got an emergency here!
(Cut to wedding in progress. Max growls at Vanessa but she kicks him.)
Priest: Dearly beloved . . . (Flounder is pulling Ariel toward ship.)
Flounder: Don't worry Ariel. ugh - we - we're gonna make it. We're almost
there.
Priest: Yes, um, do you Eric, take Vanessa, to be your lawfully wedded wife,
for as long as you both shall live?
Eric: (Under spell.) I do.
Priest: Eh, and do you . . . (Birds and animals swoop in for attack, causing
great chaos.) . . . then by the power inves-
Vanessa: Get away from me you slimy little- Oh, why you little- (In the
struggle, the shell holding Ariel's voice it broken and it goes back to her.
Eric comes out of the spell as she sings.)
Eric: Ariel?
Ariel: Eric.
Eric: You - you can talk. You're the one.
Vanessa: Eric, get away from her!
Eric: It - it was you all the time.
Ariel: Oh, Eric, I - I wanted to tell you.
Vanessa: ERIC NO! (The sun sets and Ariel becomes a mermaid.)
Ursula: You're too late! You're too late! So long, loverboy.
Eric: Ariel! (Ursula and Ariel go overboard.)
Ursula: Poor little princess - it's not you I'm after. I've a much bigger fish
to -
Triton: Ursula, stop!
Ursula: Why, King Triton! Ha ha ha - How ARE you?
Triton: Let her go.
Ursula: Not a chance, Triton! She's mine now. We made a deal.
Ariel: Daddy, I'm sorry! I - I - I didn't mean to. I didn't know -
(Triton attacks the contract with a fierce blast from his trident, to no
avail.)
Ursula: You see? The contract's legal, binding and completely unbreakable -
even for YOU. Of course, I always was a girl with an eye for a bargain.
The daughter of the great sea king is a very precious commodity. But - I
might be willing to make an exchange for someone even better. . . .
(Cut to Eric rowing away from ship.)
Grimsby: Eric! What are you doing?
Eric: Grim, I lost her once. I'm not going to lose her again.
(Back to Ursula and Triton.)
Ursula: Now! Do we have a deal? (Triton signs contract.) Ha! It's done then.
(Ariel is released and Triton is withered as Ursula laughs.)
Ariel: No . . . Oh, No!
Sebastian: Oh, your majesty . . .
Ariel: Daddy? . . .
Ursula: (Picks up crown.) At last, it's mine. Ho, Ho . . .
Ariel: You - You monster!
Ursula: Don't fool with me you little brat! Contract or no- AAAAHH! (She is hit
with a harpoon thrown by Eric.) Why you little troll!
Ariel: Eric! Eric look out!
Ursula: After him! (Flotsam and Jetsam attack.)
Sebastian: Come on! . . .
Ursula: Say goodbye to your sweetheart. (Ariel makes her miss Eric and blast
Flotsam and Jetsam.) Babies! My poor, little poopsies!
(On surface as Ursula grows beneath.)
Ariel: Eric, you've got to get away from here.
Eric: No, I won't leave you.
Ursula: (Now very large.) You pitiful, insignificant, fool!
Eric: Look out!
Ursula: Now I am the ruler of all the ocean! The waves obey my every whim!
The sea and all its spoils bow to my power! (She wrecks havoc, creates a
whirlpool and raises some shipwrecks.)
Ariel: ERIC! (He gets on board one of the ships as Ariel falls to the bottom
of the whirlpool. Ursula attempts to blast her.)
Ursula: (Laughing wickedly.) So much for true love! (As Ursula is about to
finish Ariel, Eric steers the ship into her. She is impaled and dies most
horribly. Eric collapses on the shore. The trident falls back to Triton and
everything reverts to normal.)
(Fade to morning with Eric on beach and Ariel watching from a distance.
Triton and Sebastian look on.)
Triton: She really does love him, doesn't she, Sebastian?
Sebastian: Well, it's like I always say, Your Majesty. Children got to be free
to lead their own lives.
Triton: You - always say that? (sighs) Then I guess there's just one problem
left.
Sebastian: And what's that, Your Majesty?
Triton: How much I'm going to miss her. (He turns her into a human and she goes
to meet Eric. They kiss which fades into kiss on wedding day. Everyone is
happy. Sebastian is attacked by Louis. He beats Louis up and returns to the
sea.)
Sebastian: Yes, Thank you, thank you. (Ariel and Triton hug.)
Ariel: I love you Daddy.
(Big finale while "Part of Your World" music plays. Ship sails off as
Ariel and Eric kiss.)
All: Now we can walk,
Now we can run,
Now we can stay all day in the sun.
Just you and me,
And I can be,
Part of your world.
Pumbaa: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets!
WIDE HELICOPTER SHOT. Privet Drive. CAMERA CRANES DOWN,
DOWN, OVER the rooftops, FINDS the SECOND FLOOR WINDOW of
NUMBER 4. HARRY POTTER sits in the window.
2 OMITTED 2
3 INT. HARRY'S BEDROOM - DAY 3
Harry pages through a SCRAPBOOK, stops on a MOVING PHOTO
of Ron and Hermione. SQUAWK! Harry jumps. HEDWIG pecks
at the LOCK slung through her cage door, then glowers at
Harry.
HARRY
I can't, Hedwig. I'm not allowed
to use magic outside of school.
Besides, if Uncle Vernon --
At the sound of the name, HEDWIG SQUAWKS again, LOUDER.
UNCLE VERNON (O.S.)
Har-ry Pot-ter!
HARRY
Now you've done it.
4 INT. KITCHEN - DAY 4
While AUNT PETUNIA puts the finishing touches to a
PUDDING of WHIPPED CREAM and SUGARED VIOLETS, UNCLE
VERNON struggles with DUDLEY'S BOW TIE, all the while
glowering at Harry.
UNCLE VERNON
I warned you. If you can't
control that bloody bird, it'll
have to go.
HARRY
She's bored. If I could just let
her out for an hour or two --
UNCLE VERNON
And have you sending secret
messages to your freaky little
friends? No, sir.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 2.
4 CONTINUED: 4
HARRY
But I haven't gotten any messages.
From any of my friends. Not one.
All summer.
DUDLEY
Who'd want to be friends with you?
UNCLE VERNON
I should think you'd be more
grateful. We raise you since you
were a baby, give you food off our
table, even let you have Dudley's
second bedroom... purely out of
the goodness of our hearts.
DUDLEY
I thought he got the second
bedroom because Mum was afraid
he'd turn us into dung beetles if
you put him back in the cupboard
under the stairs.
AUNT PETUNIA stops cold, exchanges a dark look with Uncle
Vernon, then sees Dudley extending a finger for the
pudding.
AUNT PETUNIA
Not yet, popkin. That's for when
the Masons arrive.
UNCLE VERNON
Which should be any moment. Now.
Let's run through our schedule one
more time. Petunia, when the
Masons get here, you will be --
AUNT PETUNIA
In the lounge, waiting to welcome
them graciously to our home.
UNCLE VERNON
Good. And Dudley?
DUDLEY
I'll be waiting to open the door.
UNCLE VERNON
Excellent.
(turning on Harry)
And you?
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 5/14/02 3.
4 CONTINUED: (2) 4
HARRY
I'll be in my bedroom, making no
noise and pretending I don't
exist.
UNCLE VERNON
Too right you will. With any
luck, this could well be the day I
make the biggest deal of my
career.
DOORBELL RINGS. Instantly, Uncle Vernon shoves Harry out
of the kitchen and into the hallway.
UNCLE VERNON
Upstairs! Hurry!
5 OMITTED 5
6 INT. HARRY'S BEDROOM - DAY 6
Harry enters, turns, and stops dead: a tiny CREATURE
with bat-like ears and bulging green eyes is jumping on
his bed as if it were a trampoline. This is DOBBY.
DOBBY
Harry Potter! Such an honor it
is!
(CONTINUED)
4.
6 CONTINUED: 6
HARRY
What... Who are you?
DOBBY
Dobby, sir. Dobby the house elf.
HARRY
I see. Not to be rude or
anything, but this isn't a great
time for me to have a house-elf in
my bedroom.
DOBBY
Oh, yes, sir, Dobby understands.
It's just that, Dobby has come to
tell you... it is difficult, sir...
Dobby wonders where to begin.
HARRY
Why don't you sit down?
DOBBY
S-s-sit down?
Suddenly Dobby BURSTS INTO TEARS. LOUD TEARS. Harry
panics.
HARRY
Shhhh! I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to offend you or anything --
DOBBY
Offend Dobby! Dobby has heard of
your greatness, sir, but never has
he been asked to sit down by a
wizard, like an equal...
HARRY
You can't have met many decent
wizards then.
Dobby shakes his head, then without warning, LEAPS off the
bed and starts to BANG HIS HEAD FURIOUSLY ON THE FLOOR.
DOBBY
Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby!
7 INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY 7
Uncle Vernon pours champagne for MR. and MRS. MASON. As
Dobby's HEAD BANGING sounds from above, all eyes shift to
the ceiling. Uncle Vernon chuckles nervously.
(CONTINUED)
5.
7 CONTINUED: 7
UNCLE VERNON
Don't mind that. It's just the...
cat.
DUDLEY
Cat? What cat?
UNCLE VERNON
Our cat, tiger.
8 INT. HARRY'S BEDROOM - DAY 8
Dobby gets back to his feet, wobbling, eyes spinning
dizzily. Harry regards him with a mixture of concern...
and wariness.
HARRY
Are you... all right?
DOBBY
Dobby had to punish himself, sir.
Dobby almost spoke ill of his
family, sir.
HARRY
Your... family?
DOBBY
The wizard family Dobby serves,
sir. Dobby is bound to serve one
family forever. If they ever knew
Dobby was here...
Dobby shudders in fear, then looks up, WHISPERS urgently.
DOBBY
But Dobby had to come. Dobby has
to protect Harry Potter. To warn
him.
(in a fierce whisper)
Harry Potter must not go back to
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and
Wizardry this year.
HARRY
Not go back? But... I have to.
DOBBY
This is a plot. A plot to make
most terrible things happen. If
Harry Potter goes back to school
he will be in great danger.
(CONTINUED)
6.
8 CONTINUED: 8
HARRY
What terrible things? Who's
plotting them?
Dobby makes a funny CHOKING and GAGGING noise.
HARRY
Okay! I understand. You can't
say --
Too late. Dobby grabs the bedside lamp and starts
beating himself about the head and YELPING LOUDLY.
9 INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY 9
Uncle Vernon is in the midst of telling a joke.
UNCLE VERNON
They arrive at the ninth hole
and --
DOBBY'S YELPS INTERRUPT, ringing out from above.
MR. MASON
Sounds as if that cat of yours has
dragged something in with it,
Dursley.
UNCLE VERNON
Not to worry. I'll sort it out.
10 INT. HARRY'S BEDROOM - DAY 10
Harry wrestles the lamp away from Dobby.
HARRY
Stop! Stop!
FOOTSTEPS THUNDER on the landing. Quickly, Harry grabs
Dobby by the pillowcase and pitches him into the
wardrobe... just as the door FLINGS OPEN.
UNCLE VERNON
What the devil are you doing up
here! You've just ruined the
punch line of my Japanese golfer
joke. One more sound and you'll
wish you'd never been born, boy!
He stomps flat-footed from the room and SLAMS THE DOOR.
Harry lets Dobby out of the wardrobe.
(CONTINUED)
7.
10 CONTINUED: 10
HARRY
See why I've got to go back? I
don't belong here. I belong in
your world -- at Hogwarts. It's
the only place I've got...
friends.
DOBBY
Friends who don't even write to
Harry Potter?
HARRY
Well, I expect they've been --
hang on, how do you know my
friends haven't been writing me?
Guiltily, Dobby takes out a STACK of LETTERS.
DOBBY
Harry Potter mustn't be angry with
Dobby -- Dobby hoped if Harry
Potter thought his friends had
forgotten him... Harry Potter
might not want to go back to
school, sir...
HARRY
Give me those. Now.
Dobby frowns sadly, then DASHES out the door.
Panicking...
11 INT. HALLWAY/STAIRS/KITCHEN - DAY 11
... Harry flies desperately after, Dobby bouncing like a
ping-pong ball down the stairs and into the kitchen. As
Harry races in, he finds Dobby on the counter, waving his
arms. Aunt Petunia's masterpiece of a pudding RISES,
then floats into the living room, HOVERING over the
Mason's heads. The Masons don't see, but the Dursleys --
goggle-eyed--do.
HARRY
Dobby... Please... No...
DOBBY
Harry Potter must say he's not
going back to school.
HARRY
I can't. Hogwarts is my home.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 4/9/02 8.
11 CONTINUED: 11
DOBBY
(a tragic
expression)
Then Dobby must do it, sir. For
Harry Potter's own good.
Dobby SNAPS HIS FINGERS. The pudding PLUMMETS...
straight onto the Masons. They stand blinking, covered
head to foot with whipped cream and sugared violets. The
Masons exit. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia race after
them.
UNCLE VERNON
I'm sorry. It's our nephew. Very
disturbed. Meeting strangers
upsets him, so we kept him
upstairs...
11A EXT. DURSLEY HOUSE - DAY 11A
The Masons RACE out of the house, the Dursleys FOLLOWING.
AUNT PETUNIA
We have ice cream...
The Masons get into their car and drive off, just as a
SHRIEKING SOUND splits the sky. An OWL SWOOPS down, and
DROPS a LETTER at Uncle Vernon's feet. He picks up the
letter, opens it. As he reads it, a mad gleam dances in
Uncle Vernon's eye. He turns and races back inside the
house. Aunt Petunia follows.
11B INT. DURSLEY HOUSE - NIGHT 11B
Uncle Vernon runs back into the living room, extends the
letter to Harry.
UNCLE VERNON
Go on. Read it.
HARRY
'Dear Mr. Potter. We have
received intelligence that a Hover
Charm was used at your place of
residence at twelve minutes past
seven this evening. As you know,
underage wizards...'
UNCLE VERNON
'... are not permitted to perform
spells outside school.'
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 4/9/02 8A.
11B CONTINUED: 11B
UNCLE VERNON (CONT'D)
(snatching the letter)
You didn't tell us you weren't
Allowed to use magic at home.
Slipped your mind, didn't it?
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
9.
11B CONTINUED: (2) 11B
UNCLE VERNON (CONT'D)
Well, I've got news for you, boy.
I'm locking you up! And if you
try to magic yourself out, they'll
expel you! You're never going
back to that school! Never!
12 EXT./INT. HARRY'S BEDROOM - NEXT DAY 12
A SHORT MONTAGE BEGINS:
Uncle Vernon fits IRON BARS to the inside of Harry's
window.
Drills a METAL FLAP to the base of the bedroom door.
Fits a FAT, GREY LOCK to the door itself. Soaking with
sweat, he casts Harry a nasty grin and pulls shut the
DOOR. It closes with the DULL CLANK of a cell.
13 INT. HARRY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT 13
Harry stares gloomily out the window. The METAL FLAP
RATTLES and Dudley's pudgy hand slides a BOWL of TINNED
SOUP onto the floor. He grins cruelly through the
opening.
DUDLEY
I know what day it is.
HARRY
Well done, Dudley. Finally
learned the days of the week, have
you.
DUDLEY
Today's your birthday. And nobody
cares.
Dudley SNAPS SHUT the flap. Harry sighs, takes the soup
and a bit of stale bread, and crosses to Hedwig.
HARRY
It's no good turning your beak up.
It's all we've got.
Harry feeds a piece of bread to Hedwig... as we...
DISSOLVE TO:
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 3/1/02 10.
13 CONTINUED: 13
SAME SCENE - LATER
Harry leans against the wall. Asleep. There is a gentle
TAPPING SOUND. Harry opens his eyes and is stunned to
see... RON WEASLEY staring through the bedroom window.
HARRY
Ron?
RON
Hiya, Harry.
13A EXT. DURSLEY HOUSE - NIGHT 13A
An OLD, TURQUOISE-COLORED FORD ANGLIA floats in midair.
Ron leans out the back window. His brother FRED sits in
the driver's seat. Fred's twin George is in the
passenger seat.
HARRY
Fred? George? What're you doing
here?
RON
Rescuing you, of course. Where's
your trunk?
13B CLOSEUP - HARRY'S TRUNK 13B
Stuffed with clothes, spellbooks. The trunk CLOSES, SNAPS
SHUT. Harry drags the trunk to the windowsill, watches Ron
tie off a fierce knot on the bars of Harry's window.
RON
Stand back.
Harry steps back. Ron turns, nods to Fred.
13C INSERT - FRED'S FOOT 13C
Fred STEPS ON the accelerator.
13D EXT. DURSLEY HOUSE - NIGHT 13D
The Ford Anglia FLIES UP into the air, the rope SNAPS
TIGHT, and -- CRUNCH! -- the bars are TORN from the
window. Bricks and bars RAIN DOWN onto the lawn below, a
mangled mess.
13E INT. UNCLE VERNON'S BEDROOM - NIGHT 13E
Uncle Vernon WAKES...
11.
14 OMITTED 14
thru thru
16 16
17 INT./EXT. HARRY'S BEDROOM/THE CAR - MOMENTS LATER 17
Harry pushes the trunk over the sill into the Anglia's
boot, then scrambles through the window himself, when...
SQUAWK!
HARRY
Hedwig!
Harry clambers back, grabs Hedwig's cage, swings it onto
the ledge, when... BAM! The bedroom door CRASHES OPEN.
UNCLE VERNON
Petunia! He's getting away!
As Harry leaps for the windowsill, Uncle Vernon CHARGES
FORWARD and SNATCHES his ankle. Harry tumbles into the
darkness, one hand gripping Hedwig's cage, the other
reaching out and... CATCHING Ron's at the last possible
second.
Uncle Vernon puts both hands to Harry's ankle, pulls
harder. Ron braces himself, pulls back. Harry hangs,
stretched high over the lawn, directly above the mangled
steel bars.
CLOSEUP: Harry's hand begins to slip from Ron's fingers.
INSIDE OF CAGE: Hedwig PECKS feverishly at the LOCK.
CLOSE-UP: Ron. PANICKED.
RON
Hold on, Harry!
UNCLE VERNON
Oh no, boy! You and that bloody
pigeon aren't going anywhere!
CLOSE-UP: Harry's hand begins to slip away from Ron's.
INSIDE OF CAGE: Hedwig PECKS HARDER and... the CAGE
OPENS.
Hedwig SWOOPS into the sky, WHEELS BACK and hammers her
beak into Uncle Vernon's hand. He ROARS, stumbles back
and... Ron and George pull Harry into the air.
RON
Put your foot down, Fred!
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 12.
17 CONTINUED: 17
Like a rocket, the Anglia sails into the stars. Harry
glances back, sees Aunt Petunia and Dudley join Uncle
Vernon at the window. As Hedwig races up, soaring just
beyond the car window, Ron turns to Harry.
RON
By the way, Harry. Happy
Birthday.
DISSOLVE TO:
18 EXT. THE BURROW - EARLY MORNING 18
As the Anglia drops through a pink sky, a haphazard mess
of a HOUSE, built around a towering central chimney,
appears below. By the road, a lopsided SIGN reads: THE
BURROW. FLUMPH! The car touches down in a WHIRLING CONE
of dust, scatters a group of chickens, and fishtails to a
halt. The boys spill quickly out of the car. FRED
WHISPERS urgently.
FRED
Hurry! Let's nip inside before
Mum wakes up!
19 INT. FRONT ROOM - THE BURROW - MOMENTS LATER 19
The boys sneak inside, gently close the door. Harry
stops. Magical objects surround him: A CLOCK displays
different chores for each family member. A pair of
NEEDLES knit a sweater by themselves. And a stack of
PLAYING CARDS that. A stack of PLAYING CARDS SHUFFLE
themselves, providing a cooling breeze for Ron's aging
rat, SCABBERS. Ron shrugs, averts his eyes self-
consciously.
RON
It's not much.
HARRY
I think it's... brilliant!
Ron looks up. Sees Harry's mesmerized face. Slowly...
GRINS.
MRS. WEASLEY (O.S.)
WHERE... HAVE... YOU... BEEN?!
The boys nearly jump out of their skin. MRS. WEASLEY
stands in the doorway. Furious. She smiles sweetly at
Harry.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 13.
19 CONTINUED: 19
MRS. WEASLEY
Harry! How wonderful to see you.
(back to the boys)
Beds empty! No note! You
could've died! You could've been
seen!
(again, to Harry)
I don't blame you, of course,
dear.
RON
They were starving him, Mum!
There were bars on his window!
MRS. WEASLEY
You best hope I don't put bars on
your window, Ronald Weasley!
(softening instantly)
Care for a spot of tea, Harry?
GINNY
Mummy. Have you seen my jumper --
A small, RED-HEADED GIRL appears. Sees Harry. And...
SQUEALS. Dashes back up the stairs. Ron frowns.
RON
Ginny. Been talking about you all
summer. Dead annoying, really.
GEORGE
Dad's home!
The front door OPENS and ARTHUR WEASLEY enters. A tall
man with red hair, his robes look dusty and travel-worn.
MR. WEASLEY
What a night! Nine raids! Nine!
HARRY
(to Ron)
Raids?
RON
Dad works at the Ministry of
Magic. In the Misuse of Muggle
Artefacts Office.
HARRY
The Misuse of Muggle Artefacts...?
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 14.
19 CONTINUED: (2) 19
RON
That's when wizards bewitch
something to drive Muggles mad.
Shrinking door keys, that kind of
thing. Dad loves Muggles. Thinks
they're fascinating.
Mr. Weasley hangs up his cloak, turns. Blinks.
MR. WEASLEY
Well now. Who are you?
RON
Harry, sir. Harry Potter.
MR. WEASLEY
Good Lord, are you really? Ron's
told us all about you, of course.
When did you get here?
MRS. WEASLEY
(darkly)
This morning. Your sons flew that
enchanted car of yours to Surrey
house and back last night.
MR. WEASLEY
Did you now! How'd it go?!
(catching his
wife's eye)
I... I mean... That was very
wrong, boys. Very wrong indeed.
So, Harry. You must know all
about Muggles. Tell me, what
exactly is the function of a
parking meter?
Harry is about to answer, when he notices an OWL (ERROL)
soaring toward the kitchen window. To Harry's horror,
the owl doesn't pull up. It just flies... SMACK!... into
the glass.
MRS. WEASLEY
That must be Errol with the post.
Fetch him, will you, George?
George takes the unconscious Errol, absently lays him on
a draining board, and takes the LETTERS clutched in his
claws.
GEORGE
It's our Hogwarts letters! And
look. They've sent Harry's as well.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 15.
19 CONTINUED: (3) 19
MR. WEASLEY
Dumbledore must know you're here,
Harry. Doesn't miss a trick, that
man.
FRED
(reading his)
This lot won't come cheap, Mum.
The spellbooks alone...
MRS. WEASLEY
We'll manage. Right then.
There's only one place to get all
of this.
HARRY/RON/FRED/GEORGE
Diagon Alley!
19A OMITTED 19A
thru thru
23 23
24 INT. LIVING ROOM - THE BURROW - DAY (LATER) 24
Everyone has gathered in front of the large fireplace.
MRS. WEASLEY
You first, Harry dear.
Mrs. Weasley offers Harry a FLOWERPOT. At the bottom is
a layer of VERY SOFT DUST. Harry frowns in confusion.
RON
Harry's never traveled by Floo
Powder before, Mum.
HARRY
Floo Powder?
Just then, Ron's older brother PERCY enters.
MRS. WEASLEY
Percy. Would you mind going
first, so Harry can see how it's
done?
PERCY
Certainly, Mother. Don't worry,
Harry. It's simple enough.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 16.
24 CONTINUED: 24
Percy takes a pinch from the pot, pitches it into the
fireplace and BRIGHT GREEN FLAMES ROAR HIGH. To Harry's
amazement, he calmly walks... straight into them.
PERCY
Diagon Alley.
Percy VANISHES. Tentatively, Harry reaches into the pot.
MRS. WEASLEY
Remember to speak clearly, dear!
RON
And mind you get out at the right grate!
HARRY
(nodding, unsure)
D-Dia-gon Alley!
25 INT. SPIRALING TUNNEL 25
The SOUND is DEAFENING as Harry hurtles forward,
squinting against the sting of WHIRLING SOOT and the mad,
flickering lights of passing fireplaces. He falls face
forward...
26 INT. BORGIN AND BURKES - STONE FIREPLACE - DAY 26
... onto a stone hearth. Dizzy and dirty, Harry reclaims
his shattered glasses. He's tumbled into a wizard's
shop, but a decidedly creepy one. He starts to exit,
when a WITHERED HAND in a GLASS CASE catches his eye:
The Hand of Glory. Nearby, an OPAL NECKLACE gleams:
Caution: Do not touch. Cursed--Has Claimed the Lives of
Nineteen Muggle Owners to Date. Oddly transfixed by it
all, Harry drifts toward the exit, when...
(CONTINUED)
17.
26 CONTINUED: 26
DRACO MALFOY and his father, LUCIUS MALFOY, appear beyond
the front window, approaching the shop. Harry glances
about, spies a LARGE BLACK CABINET and slips inside. As
he pulls the doors closed, a TINY CARD swings INTO VIEW:
Crushing Cabinet.
Malfoy and his father enter. A stooped man (MR. BORGIN)
emerges from the back room. IN THE CABINET, Harry
watches, unaware that the walls around him are... SLOWLY
CLOSING IN.
MR. BORGIN
Mr. Malfoy! What a pleasure to
see you again. If I may, just in
today --
LUCIUS MALFOY
I'm not buying today, Mr. Borgin.
But selling.
MR. BORGIN
Selling?
LUCIUS MALFOY
You have heard, of course, that
the Ministry of Magic is
conducting more raids. There are
even rumors of a new Muggle
Protection Act...
Lucius unravels a roll of parchment, hands it to Borgin.
LUCIUS MALFOY
I have a few... ah... items at
home that might prove embarrassing
if the Ministry were to call.
Certain poisons and the like...
MR. BORGIN
Hmmm... yes. I see...
INSIDE THE CABINET, Harry realizes the walls are CLOSING
IN. His eyes shift upward. The ceiling is DROPPING.
Draco drifts to the Hand of Glory, reaches out, when...
the HAND GRABS HIM. Draco shrieks, manages to slip free,
then calms. He eyes the hand with malicious glee.
DRACO
Can I have this?
(CONTINUED)
18.
26 CONTINUED: (2) 26
MR. BORGIN
Ah, the Hand of Glory. Insert a
candle and it gives light only to
the holder. Best friend of
thieves and plunderers. Your son
has fine taste, sir.
LUCIUS MALFOY
Hopefully my son will amount to
more than a thief, Mr. Borgin.
Though if his marks don't pick
up --
DRACO
It's not my fault the teachers
have favorites. That Hermione
Granger --
LUCIUS MALFOY
I would have thought you'd be
ashamed that a girl of no
wizarding family beat you in every
exam.
MR. BORGIN
It's the same all over. Wizard
blood is counting for less
everywhere.
LUCIUS MALFOY
(deadly)
Not with me.
INSIDE THE CABINET, Harry's knees are up under his chin...
Borgin checks off one last time, then returns the
parchment to Lucius. Satisfied, Malfoy nods.
LUCIUS MALFOY
Very good. I'll expect you at the
manor tomorrow. Come, Draco.
They exit. As Borgin slips into the back room, the
Crushing Cabinet's doors FLY OPEN and Harry leaps free.
Inside, the walls, floor, and ceiling SNAP SHUT! Borgin
reappears, blinks curiously at Harry, then watches him
RACE out the door.
27 EXT. KNOCKTURN ALLEY - DAY (MOMENTS LATER) 27
Once outside, Harry fits his broken glasses to his face,
eyes a STREET SIGN: "KNOCKTURN ALLEY."
(CONTINUED)
19.
27 CONTINUED: 27
The vendors here clearly cater to the Dark Arts:
SHRUNKEN HEADS, POISONOUS CANDLES. One window teems with
SPIDERS.
AGED WITCH (O.S.)
Not lost are you, my dear?
Harry wheels, looking into the mossy teeth of a decrepit
WITCH. She holds a tray of HUMAN FINGERNAILS.
HARRY
I'm fine, thanks. I'm just --
HAGRID
HARRY! What d'yer think yer doin'
down 'ere?
HARRY
Hagrid!
Hagrid knocks the tray from the cursing Witch's hands,
then seizes Harry by the scruff of the neck and steers
him away.
28 EXT. DIAGON ALLEY - CONTINUOUS ACTION - DAY 28
Hagrid swats at Harry's sooty clothes.
HAGRID
Yer a mess! Skulkin' 'round
Knockturn Alley. Dodgy place,
Harry. Don't want no one ter see
yeh down there. People'll be
thinkin' yer up ter no good.
HARRY
I was lost, I -- Hang on. What
were you doing down there?
HAGRID
I was lookin' fer a Flesh Eatin'
Slug Repellent. They're ruinin'
the school cabbages.
HERMIONE (O.S.)
Harry!
Harry looks up, sees HERMIONE GRANGER standing at the top
of Gringotts' white steps. She runs down to meet them.
(CONTINUED)
20.
28 CONTINUED: 28
HERMIONE
Hello, Hagrid. Oh, it's wonderful
to see you two again.
She stops then, cocks her head curiously at Harry, then
takes out her wand and points it directly between his
eyes.
HERMIONE
Oculus Reparo.
Instantly, Harry's glasses are mended.
HARRY
I need to remember that one.
HERMIONE
C'mon. Everyone's been so worried.
Hermione leads them to Gringotts, where Hermione's rather
nervous-looking Muggle parents stand with the Weasleys.
MR. WEASLEY
So you're dentists! Fascinating!
I understand other Muggles quite
fear you? Why is that?
MRS. WEASLEY
Oh, Harry. Thank goodness. We
hoped you'd only gone one grate
too far. Come now. We're off to
Flourish and Blotts.
HERMIONE
Isn't it thrilling! Gilderoy
Lockhart's going to be there! We
can actually meet him! I mean,
he's written almost the whole
booklist!
As Mrs. Weasley and Hermione dash off, Harry frowns.
HARRY
Who?
29 OMITTED 29
29A EXT. FLOURISH AND BLOTTS - DAY 29A
CLOSE-UP: GILDEROY LOCKHART. A handsome, golden-haired
wizard with stunning pearl-white teeth. He miles, winks
at the camera.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 21.
29A CONTINUED: 29A
DOLLY BACK to reveal that the image of Lockhart is
actually a MOVING PHOTOGRAPH propped in the window. A
PLACARD declares: HERE TODAY! SIGNING COPIES OF HIS
AUTOBIOGRAPHY, MAGICAL ME... GILDEROY LOCKHART!
30 INT. FLOURISH AND BLOTTS - DAY 30
Harry and the others thread their way through a
CHATTERING THRONG of MIDDLE-AGED LADIES, all craning
their necks for a view of Lockhart, who sits signing
books at the rear of the shop. At the sight of him, Mrs.
Weasley pats her hair.
MRS. WEASLEY
There he is!
RON
Mum fancies him.
For this, Mrs. Weasley gives Ron a jab in the shoulder.
A SHORT MAN WITH A CAMERA bumps past.
SHORT MAN
Out of the way! This is for The
Daily Prophet!
Instantly, Lockhart looks up, flashes a smile, when...
GILDEROY LOCKHART
It can't be Harry Potter?
The crowd WHISPERS excitedly as Lockhart dives forward,
seizes Harry's hand and turns him toward the
photographer.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
(under his breath)
Nice big smile, Harry. Together,
you and I rate the front page.
(as the CAMERA FLASHES)
Ladies and gentlemen! What an
extraordinary moment this is!
When young Harry here stepped into
Flourish and Blotts this morning
to purchase my autobiography,
Magical Me -- which, incidentally
is celebrating its twenty-seventh
week atop The Daily Prophet's
Bestseller List -- he had no idea
that he would, in fact, be leaving
with my entire collected works!
Free of charge!
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 22.
30 CONTINUED: 30
As the crowd CLAPS, Lockhart catches the eye of a FLUNKY
and, before Harry knows it, a towering stack of books is
shoved into his arms. Mortified, Harry mumbles quietly.
HARRY
Thank you.
Slipping free, Harry drifts back into the crowd and, red
with embarrassment, drops the books into Ginny's
cauldron.
HARRY
You have these. I'll buy my
own --
DRACO
(appearing, sneers)
Bet you loved that, didn't you,
Potter? Famous Harry Potter.
Can't even go into a bookshop
without making the front page.
GINNY
Leave him alone! He didn't want
all that!
DRACO
Look, Potter. You've got yourself
a girlfriend!
(CONTINUED)
23.
30 CONTINUED: (2) 30
LUCIUS MALFOY
Silence, Draco! Ah... Mr. Potter.
I don't believe we've met.
Lucius Malfoy extends his hand, as if offering to shake
Harry's, but instead gently plays his fingers over the
fringe of Harry's scalp, revealing Harry's LIGHTNING BOLT
SCAR. At his touch, Harry withdraws, ever so slightly.
LUCIUS MALFOY
Forgive me, Mr. Potter. But your
scar is legend. As, of course, is
the wizard who gave it to you.
HARRY
He was a murderer.
LUCIUS MALFOY
Yes, a pity about your parents.
Curious that you yourself should
escape with a mere flesh wound.
Curious, too, that you speak of
him in the past. Surely, you
don't think He-Who-Must-Not-Be-
Named is gone forever.
HARRY
His name is Voldemort.
Those within earshot gasp as Harry utters the word.
LUCIUS MALFOY
You must be very brave, Mr.
Potter, to dare speak his name.
Or foolish.
HERMIONE
Fear of a name only increases fear
of the thing itself.
Lucius Malfoy's eyes slide, find Hermione staring
defiantly.
LUCIUS MALFOY
You must be Miss Granger. Draco's
told me all about you... and your
parents. Muggles, aren't you?
Mr. and Mrs. Granger nod nervously. Lucius Malfoy can
barely disguise his distaste for them. Arthur Weasley
hurries over.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 5/14/02 24.
30 CONTINUED: (3) 30
MR. WEASLEY
Ron! Harry! It's mad in here.
Let's go outside.
LUCIUS MALFOY
Well, well, well -- Arthur
Weasley.
MR. WEASLEY
(stiffly)
Lucius.
LUCIUS MALFOY
Busy time at the Ministry. All
those raids. I hope they're
paying you overtime.
Malfoy reaches into Ginny's cauldron, removes a very old,
battered copy of A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration.
LUCIUS MALFOY
Obviously not. Dear me. What's
the use of being a disgrace to the
name of wizard if they don't even
pay you well for it.
MR. WEASLEY
We have a very different idea
about what disgraces the name of
wizard, Lucius.
LUCIUS MALFOY
(glancing at the
Grangers)
Clearly. The company you keep,
Weasley. And I thought your
family could sink no lower.
Mr. Weasley moves to hit Lucius Malfoy. Hagrid steps
forward, puts a firm hand on Mr. Weasley's shoulder.
HAGRID
Ignore 'im, Arthur.
Mr. Weasley backs away. Lucius Malfoy tosses Ginny's
BATTERED TEXTBOOK back into her cauldron.
LUCIUS MALFOY
Here, girl. Take your book. It's
the best your father can give you.
Lucius and Draco exit. Hagrid looks at the Weasleys.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 5/14/02 25.
30 CONTINUED: (4) 30
HAGRID
No Malfoy's worth listenin' ter.
Rotten ter the core, the whole
family...
As Harry watches Draco and his father go, we --
DISSOLVE TO:
30A OMITTED 30A
30B EXT. KING'S CROSS - MORNING 30B
Amid a neat line of cars, the Anglia sits at a decidedly
odd angle, as if its driver were not the most skilled
motorist.
31 OMITTED 31
32 INT. KING'S CROSS - DAY 32
The Weasleys and Harry -- pushing large TROLLEYS -- dash
under the LARGE CLOCK which reads two minutes to eleven.
MRS. WEASLEY
Oh dear! The train'll be leaving
any moment! All together now!
Hurrying, they race to PLATFORMS NINE AND TEN. Quickly,
Percy, Fred and George stride briskly toward the stone
barrier that divides the platforms -- and simply
DISAPPEAR.
MRS. WEASLEY
Go on, Ginny. You know what to
do.
Ginny, looking a bit nervous, rushes toward the barrier,
closes her eyes, and sleds...
32A INT. PLATFORM NINE AND THREE QUARTERS - DAY 32A
... out onto the other side. As she gazes at the
HOGWARTS EXPRESS, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley materialize at her
side.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 26.
32A CONTINUED: 32A
MRS. WEASLEY (O.S.)
Come, Ginny. We'll get you a
seat.
32B INT. KING'S CROSS 32B
Ron glances at the clock.
RON
We better hurry.
Harry nods, leans into his trolley and -- CRASH! -- hits
the barrier and bounces back into Ron. A GUARD glowers.
GUARD
What in blazes d'you two think
you're doing?
HARRY
Sorry. Lost control of the
trolley.
(to Ron)
Why can't we get through?
RON
I dunno. The gateway's sealed
itself for some reason.
As Ron presses his ear to the barrier, the CLOCK CHIMES.
HARRY
The train leaves at exactly eleven
o'clock. We've missed it.
RON
Can't hear a thing.
(a sudden thought)
Harry. If we can't get through,
maybe Mum and Dad can't get back.
HARRY
Maybe we should go wait by the
car.
RON
The car!
33 EXT. PARKING LOT (KING'S CROSS) - MOMENTS LATER 33
Pushing their trolleys madly before them, Harry and Ron
dash to the car, load their belongings into the Anglia's
boot.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 27.
33 CONTINUED: 33
HARRY
This is mad. We can't drive to
Hogwarts.
RON
Who says we're driving?
HARRY
You don't mean -- Ron, no.
RON
Look, who knows when Mum and Dad
will get back. And we've got to
get to school, haven't we? And
even underage wizards are allowed
to use magic if it's an absolute
emergency. Least that's what Fred
and George always say...
HARRY
Something tells me we're going to
regret this.
33A INT. ANGLIA - DAY 33A
Ron TAPS his WAND on the dash and the Anglia burbles to
life.
HARRY
No offense, Ron, but are you sure
you know how to fly this.
RON
No problem.
Ron SHIFTS. With a GREAT JOLT, the car lifts from the
ground.
RON
There. See. Now I reckon all we
have to do is find the Hogwarts
Express and follow it. Simple.
Harry nods, not entirely convinced. He peers out the
window. Down below, TWO PEDESTRIANS stare in disbelief.
HARRY
Uh, Ron. I should tell you. Most
Muggles aren't accustomed to
seeing a flying car.
RON
Right.
Ron presses a TINY SILVER BUTTON on the dashboard and
they... DISAPPEAR. Down below, the baffled pedestrians
blink.
28.
34 EXT. FLYING CAR (SCOTLAND) - DAY (LATER) 34
CAMERA STARTS IN the clouds, passes through, finds
Scotland's stunning green. The Anglia's ENGINE PUTTERS
softly, when -- POP! - the car reappears. Ron jabs at
the silver button.
RON
Uh oh. The Invisibility Booster
must be faulty.
CAMERA ZOOMS ALONG the ridge of a cliff. The
car reappears from above, gliding away FROM CAMERA.
RON
Any sign of the train?
HARRY
There! Up ahead! Look...
Along a STEEP BRIDGE, a single line of TRAIN TRACKS
appear.
RON
Brilliant.
Ron SHIFTS, GLIDES DOWN, until the Anglia is only a few
feet above the tracks. The boys peer ahead, looking for
the train.
RON
It must be around here
someplace.
Behind them, through the Anglia's rear window, the
Hogwarts Express APPEARS, closing fast. Harry and Ron
perk up. Smile.
HARRY
Do you hear that?
Then, at precisely the same moment, Harry and Ron
register the DIRECTION of the sound. They glance at each
other, turn as one and see the train GROWING HUGE in the
rear window.
HARRY/RON
Aaaahhhhh!
Ron SPINS THE WHEEL, puts his foot to the gas and -- at
the last possible second -- whips the Anglia out of the
train's path. The car WAFFLES, TOPPLES upside down
briefly, before...
(CONTINUED)
29.
34 CONTINUED: 34
... TILTING onto its side. As it jets under the bridge,
Harry goes SLIDING DOWN ACROSS HIS SEAT, into the door,
and... OUT. Dangling upside-down from the open door, he
watches the Hogwarts Express ZIP PAST and, in one window,
glimpses NEVILLE and SEAMUS, mouths open in astonishment.
RON
Take my hand!
Harry's grips Ron's hand, eyes the train steaming far
below. It's quite a drop. Harry's fingers begin to LOSE
THEIR GRIP.
RON
Hold on!
HARRY
I'm trying! Your hand's all
sweaty!
Straining, Ron yanks him inside, levels off the car. As
Harry falls heavily into his seat, he BUCKLES his safety
belt.
HARRY
I think we found the train.
35 EXT. HOGWARTS CASTLE - FLYING CAR - NIGHT 35
As HOGWARTS CASTLE comes INTO VIEW, the Anglia ENTERS
FRAME.
RON
Welcome home, Harry.
Harry smiles at the sight of it, when... the Anglia
GROANS.
HARRY
Just out of interest, Ron. Have
you ever landed a car before?
RON
Well... no. but, until a few
hours ago, I'd never taken off in
one either.
With that, the car LURCHES, the nose DROPS, and...
RON
Uh oh.
(CONTINUED)
30.
35 CONTINUED: 35
... Harry, Ron and car go pitching through the night. As
Ron rakes the GEARS, they hurtle madly toward the CASTLE
WALL.
RON
IT'S NOT WORKING!
HARRY
UP! UP!
Ron SHIFTS desperately. The Anglia LURCHES up, barely
clears the castle wall. Harry and Ron exchange a look of
relief, when... the car GROANS again, LURCHES...
downward.
HARRY
MIND THAT TREE!
Down below a GIANT WILLOW TREE looms. Ron SHIFTS.
Nothing.
HARRY
TURN! TURN!
Harry reaches over and, together, he and Ron SPIN THE
WHEEL. It's useless. The car is heading straight for the
tree. Desperately, Ron WHIPS OUT his wand and WHACKS THE
DASHBOARD.
RON
STOP! STOP! STOP!
The wand SNAPS IN TWO and -- CRUNCH! -- car meets tree.
Harry blinks. They hang dreamily, BALANCED on the
HIGHEST LIMB.
RON
My wand! Look at my wand!
HARRY
Be thankful it's not your neck.
THWUNMP! Something HEAVY HITS Harry's door, sends a
SHUDDER through the car.
RON
What's happening?
Slowly, they look up and, in disbelief, watch one of the
tree's branches PULL BACK, CURL INTO ITSELF, and come
LASHING FORWARD like a MASSIVE FIST. THWUMP!
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 31.
35 CONTINUED: (2) 35
HARRY/RON
Aaaaahhhhh!
The Anglia tilts crazily, slides backwards and FREE-FALLS
through the air and... LANDS on lower grid of branches.
RON
What kind of tree is this?
Before Harry can respond, the tree begins to PUMMEL THE
CAR from all sides, tossing Henry and Ron about like
popcorn. WINDOWS SHATTER. Heavy DENTS appear on the
roof above Ron and Harry's heads. Then the car FALLS
again...
... SLAMMING HEAVILY TO THE GROUND. Instantly, the
tree's lower branches shoot through the front and rear
windscreens and, gaining purchase, begin to SHAKE THE CAR
BACK AND FORTH.
HARRY/RON
Aaaaahhhhh!
The tree PITCHES the car into the air. As the Anglia
SLAMS DOWN again, bobbing on its SQUEALING SHOCKS, the
ENGINE BURBLES BACK TO LIFE. Harry LOOKS UP, peering
through the shattered windscreen. The willow's branches,
as one, rear back, ready for one last punishing blow.
Harry CRIES OUT.
HARRY
Reverse! Reverse!
Ron SHIFTS, the CAR SHOOTS BACKWARDS, and the willow
PUMMELS THE TREAD-MARKED GROUND they just vacated.
Safely clear, the doors fly open, the seats tip sideways,
and Ron and Harry are ejected. As they hit the ground,
their trunks fly from the boot, Hedwig's cage rockets out
the back window, and Hedwig herself flaps into the night.
Taillights blazing angrily, the BATTERED car speeds off,
fishtailing into the Dark Forest.
RON
Dad's going to kill me.
They hear a TREMENDOUS GROAN, turn back, and see the
Whomping Willow assume its natural form, waiting for its
next victim.
36 EXT. STONE STEPS/ENTRANCE HALL - NIGHT 36
Filthy and bruised, Harry and Ron drag themselves up the
steps. Behind them we see the mountain of student trunks
and caged pets already brought up from the train.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 32.
36 CONTINUED: 36
HARRY
A house elf shows up in my
bedroom, we can't get through the
barrier to Platform Nine and Three
Quarters, we almost get killed by
a tree... clearly someone doesn't
want me here this year.
FILCH
Well, take a good look, lads...
They stop. ARGUS FILCH stands at the top of the landing,
his cat -- MRS. NORRIS -- twitching her tail at his feet.
FILCH
This night might well be the last
you spend in this castle.
37 INT. SNAPE'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER 37
CLOSEUP: The Evening Prophet ENTERS FRAME. The HEADLINE
reads: FLYING FORD ANGLIA MYSTIFIES MUGGLES. Below the
fold a PHOTO shows Harry and Lockhart at Flourish and
Blotts. CAMERA PULLS BACK, PROFESSOR SEVERUS SNAPE
stands at his desk, newspaper in hand as Harry and Ron
stare with dread. Filch lurks in the doorway, eying them
with pleasure.
(CONTINUED)
33.
37 CONTINUED: 37
SNAPE
You were seen! By no less then
seven Muggles. Do you have any
idea how serious this is? You
have risked the exposure of our
world. Not to mention the damage
you inflicted on a Whomping Willow
that has been on these grounds for
hundreds of years.
RON
Honestly, Professor Snape, I think
it did more damage to us.
SNAPE
Silence! I assure you, were you
in Slytherin and your fate rested
with me, the both of you would be
on the train home tonight. As it
is --
ALBUS DUMBLEDORE
They are not.
Harry and Ron turn. ALBUS DUMBLEDORE stands in the
doorway. Alongside him is a distinctly annoyed PROFESSOR
McGONAGALL.
HARRY
Professor Dumbledore. Professor
McGonagall...
SNAPE
Headmaster, these boys have
flouted the Decree for the
Restriction of Underage Wizardry.
As such...
ALBUS DUMBLEDORE
I'm well aware of our bylaws,
Severus, having written more than
a few myself. However, as Head of
Gryffindor House, it is for
Professor McGonagall to determine
the appropriate action.
RON
(rising gloomily)
We'll go and get our stuff.
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
What are you talking about, Mr.
Weasley?
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 34.
37 CONTINUED: (2) 37
RON
Well, you're going to expel us,
aren't you?
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
Not today, Mr. Weasley. But I
must impress upon both of you the
seriousness of what you have done.
I will be sending owls to both of
your families tonight. And you
will each get a detention.
Snape casts a look of pure venom at Harry and Ron.
DUMBLEDORE
Splendid. Now, I suggest we
return to the feast. There's a
delicious-looking custard tart I
want to sample.
Rising, Harry spies an ENVELOPE on the floor. Taking it,
he reads the back: "KWIKSPELL. A CORRESPONDENCE COURSE IN
BEGINNER'S MAGIC." It's addressed to "MR. ARGUS FILCH."
HARRY
Mr. Filch. You dropped this...
Filch turns, eyes the envelope with embarrassment, then
snatches it from Harry's hand and stuffs it into his
pocket.
38 OMITTED 38
39 EXT. HOGWARTS CASTLE - MORNING 39
The Whomping Willow sulks in the courtyard, SLINGS strung
about its injured branches. CAMERA CRANES OVER the
castle walls, REVEALING the exterior of GREENHOUSE THREE,
where students hurry inside for the beginning of class.
40 INT. GREENHOUSE THREE - MORNING 40
As Harry and Ron enter, SEAMUS, NEVILLE and some of the
other Gryffindors hover nearby.
NEVILLE
Detention. On the first day?
SEAMUS
That must be some kind of record.
(CONTINUED)
35.
40 CONTINUED: 40
HERMIONE
I should think you'd count
yourself lucky that's all you got.
RON
I should think you'd mind your own
business.
They glare at each other. PROFESSOR SPROUT, a squat
little witch, TAPS her wand on a stack of POTS.
PROFESSOR SPROUT
Welcome to Greenhouse Three,
Second Years. Today, we will be
re-potting Mandrakes. Now, who
here can tell me the properties of
the Mandrake? Yes, Miss Granger.
HERMIONE
Mandrake, or Mandragora, is used
to return those who have been
transfigured to their original
state. It's also quite dangerous.
The Mandrake's cry is fatal to
anyone who hears it.
PROFESSOR SPROUT
Excellent. Ten points to
Gryffindor. As our Mandrakes are
only seedlings, their cries won't
kill yet. However, they will
knock you out for several hours.
That is why I have provided each
of you with a pair of earmuffs.
If you would then...
Ron frowns. He's gotten a BRIGHT PINK FLUFFY pair. When
the class is ready, Professor Sprout leads them to the
GARDEN AREA. She grasps one of the TUFTY PLANTS before
her... and pulls. Harry gasps. Instead of roots, a
small, muddy, extremely ugly BABY pops out of the earth,
leaves growing right out of its head. Neville's eyes
ROLL BACK. He FAINTS.
Professor Sprout plunges the BAWLING CREATURE deep into a
POT, removes her earmuffs, and the others follow suit.
Everyone save Neville, who lies stretched on the ground.
PROFESSOR SPROUT
Hm. Looks as though Mr.
Longbottom neglected his muffs.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 3/1/02 36.
40 CONTINUED: (2) 40
SEAMUS
No, ma'am. He's just fainted.
PROFESSOR SPROUT
Very well. We'll just leave him
then. Come now. Four to a tray,
plenty of pots to go round...
41 INT. GREAT HALL - LUNCH - DAY 41
Percy enters in the company of PENELOPE CLEARWATER, just
as NEARLY HEADLESS NICK glides by.
PENELOPE CLEARWATER
There's Nearly Headless Nick.
PERCY
Hello, Sir Nicolas.
NEARLY HEADLESS NICK
Hello, Percy. Miss Clearwater.
At the Gryffindor table, Hermione has her nose buried in
Gilderoy Lockhart's Travels with Trolls. Ron runs gobs
of Spellotape over his BROKEN WAND, shakes his head
grimly.
RON
Say it. I'm doomed.
HARRY
You're doomed.
FLASH! -- a LIGHT BLINDS Harry. He blinks, finds a small
boy (COLIN CREEVEY) standing before him with a CAMERA.
COLIN
Hiya, Harry. I'm Colin Creevey.
I'm in Gryffindor too.
HARRY
Hello, Colin. Nice to meet --
COLIN
They're for my dad -- the
pictures. He's a milkman, you
know, a Muggle, like all our
family's been until me. No one
knew all the odd stuff I could do
was magic till we got my letter
from Hogwarts. Everyone just
thought I was mental.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 3/1/02 37.
41 CONTINUED: 41
RON
Imagine that.
COLIN
Say, Harry. D'you think your
friend could take a photo of me
and you standing together? Ya'
know, to prove I've met you?
Harry glances at Ron. He looks positively homicidal.
Mercifully, just then, OWLS STREAM into the Hall.
DEAN THOMAS
Post is here!
One after another, the birds swoop gracefully down,
clutching letters from home. All except one, who plops
beak-first into Ron's soup. Errol.
RON
Bloody bird's a menace -- Oh...
no.
SEAMUS
Heads up, everyone. Weasley's
gotten himself a Howler.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 37A.
41 CONTINUED: (2) 41
NEVILLE
Go on, Ron. I ignored one from
my Gran once... and it was
horrible.
Ron looks pale. Clutched in Errol's beak is a DAMP RED
ENVELOPE. Hands shaking, he takes it, opens it, and...
MRS. WEASLEY'S VOICE THUNDERS, sending plates and spoons
rattling.
MRS. WEASLEY (V.O.)
RONALD WEASLEY! HOW DARE YOU
STEAL THAT CAR! I AM
ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED! YOUR
FATHER'S NOW FACING AN INQUIRY
AT WORK AND IT'S ENTIRELY YOUR
FAULT! IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT
OF LINE WE'LL BRING YOU STRAIGHT
HOME!
(softening suddenly)
Oh, and Ginny dear.
Congratulations on making
Gryffindor. Your father and I are
so proud.
Ginny, sitting a bit apart from the others, looks up
shyly, then returns to the SMALL BLACK BOOK she's
scribbling in. Ron watches the envelope RIP ITSELF TO
PIECES, then endures HOWLS of LAUGHTER from the other
House tables. Colin Creevey snaps a few photos. Harry
looks sympathetically at Ron.
HARRY
Look at it this way. How much
worse can things get?
38.
42 INT. GILDEROY LOCKHART'S CLASSROOM - DAY 42
Gilderoy Lockhart paces before the class. Hermione and
the girls hang on his every word, while Harry and Ron eye
the LARGE, COVERED CAGE RATTLING mysteriously on his desk.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Let me introduce you to your new
Defense Against the Dark Arts
Teacher. Me. Gilderoy Lockhart,
Order of Merlin, Third Class,
Honorary Member of the Dark Force
Defense League and five times
winner of Witch Weekly's Most-
Charming-Smile Award -- But I
don't talk about that. I didn't
get rid of the Bandon Banshee by
smiling at her!
Lockhart awaits laughter. A few students smile weakly.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
I see you've all bought a complete
set of my books. Well done. I
thought we'd start today with a
little quiz. Nothing to worry
about. Just to check how well
you've read them, how much you've
taken in...
Lockhart begins to circulate papers. Harry and Ron
examine the questions. Ron WHISPERS to Harry.
RON
Look at these questions. They're
all about him.
HARRY
'What is Gilderoy Lockhart's
favorite color?'
RON
'What is Gilderoy Lockhart's
greatest achievement to date?'
HARRY
'When is Gilderoy Lockhart's
birthday and what would his ideal
gift be?'
GILDEROY LOCKHART
You have thirty minutes. Start --
now!
As quills begin to dart across pages, we --
DISSOLVE TO:
39.
SAME SCENE - LATER
Lockhart rifles through the completed exams.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Tut, tut. Hardly any of you
remembered my favorite color is
lilac. But Miss Hermione Granger
knew that my secret ambition is to
rid the world of evil and market
my own range of hair care potions.
Good girl.
Hermione beams. Lockhart's expression suddenly darkens.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Now... be warned! It is my job to
arm you against the foulest
creatures known to wizardkind!
You may find yourself facing your
own worst fears in this room.
Know only that no harm can befall
you whilst I am here...
With a showman's flair, Lockhart turns slowly to the cage.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
I must ask you not to scream. It
might provoke them.
A pale Neville draws back. Harry and Ron lean forward.
Lockhart lets the tension build, then WHIPS off the
cover. Inside the cage are several electric blue
CREATURES. Eight inches tall, with pointed faces and
wings, they rattle the bars and pull bizarre faces at the
students.
SEAMUS
Cornish pixies?
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Freshly caught Cornish pixies.
Unable to control himself, Seamus SNORTS with laughter.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Laugh if you will, Mr. Finnegan,
but pixies can be devilishly
tricky little blighters. Let's
see what you make of them now!
Lockhart flings open the cage. Instantly, the pixies
rocket about, spraying the students with ink bottles,
BREAKING BEAKERS and shredding books. Two SEIZE Neville
by the ears, lift him into the air, and begin to circle
the ceiling.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 40.
42 CONTINUED: 42
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Come on now, round them up, round
them up. They're only pixies.
(brandishing his wand)
Peskipiski Pesternomi!
The spell has absolutely no effect. A particularly
obnoxious pixie makes a face, seizes Lockhart's wand and
tosses it out the window. Lockhart joins the stampede to
the door.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
I'll ask you three to just nip the
rest of them back into their cage.
SLAMMING the door, he's gone. Harry, Ron and Hermione
stand blinking. Ron swats a pixie gnawing his ear.
RON
What do we do now?
HERMIONE
(raising her wand)
Immobilus!
The pixies FREEZE IN MIDAIR. Neville falls, PLOPS onto
Lockhart's desk, shaken but unhurt. He looks at
Hermione.
NEVILLE
Why is it always me?
42A OMITTED 42A
42B INT. SEVENTH FLOOR - CORRIDOR - LATER 42B
Fresh from the pixies, Hermione, Ron, Harry and Neville
walk. Hair askew. Robes shredded.
RON
Can you believe him?
HERMIONE
I'm sure Professor Lockhart just
wanted to give us some hands-on
experience.
HARRY
Hands on? Hermione, he didn't
have a clue what he was doing.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 41.
42B CONTINUED: 42B
HERMIONE
Rubbish. Read his books. You'll
see all the amazing things he's
done.
RON
He says he's done.
43 OMITTED 43
& &
44 44
45 EXT. HOGWARTS - COURTYARD - DAY 45
The Gryffindor Quidditch team -- Harry, Fred, George,
ALICIA SPINNET, KATIE BELL, and ANGELINA JOHNSON -- trail
Oliver Wood through the courtyard, toward the distant
Quidditch pitch. Several students are outside, studying.
WOOD
I spent the summer devising a
whole new Quidditch program.
We're going to train earlier,
harder, and longer!
(squinting)
What the... I don't believe it!
Crossing the courtyard from the other side are SEVEN BOYS
in GREEN ROBES, also carrying broomsticks. At their lead
is MARCUS FLINT, trollish Slytherin Captain. Ron,
sitting at a table with Hermione, looks up.
(CONTINUED)
42.
45 CONTINUED: 45
RON
Uh-oh. I smell trouble.
WOOD
Clear out, Flint! I booked the
pitch for Gryffindor today.
FLINT
Easy, Wood. I've got a note.
As Wood snatches the PARCHMENT from Flint's hand, Ron and
Hermione come up to join the others.
WOOD
'I, Professor Severus Snape, do
hereby give the Slytherin team
permission to practice today,
owing to the need to train their
new Seeker.'
(looking up)
You've got a new Seeker? Who?
A pasty-faced boy pushes to the front. It's... Malfoy.
HARRY
Draco?
DRACO
That's right. And that's not all
that's new this year...
As one, the seven Slytherins hold out seven brand-new
GLEAMING BROOMSTICKS. The Gryffindors look stunned.
RON
Those are Nimbus Two Thousand
Ones.
FLINT
A generous gift from Draco's
father.
DRACO
That's right, Weasley. You see,
unlike some, my father can afford
to buy the best.
HERMIONE
At least no one on the Gryffindor
team had to buy their way in.
They got in on pure talent.
(CONTINUED)
43.
45 CONTINUED: (2) 45
DRACO
No one asked your opinion, you
filthy little Mudblood.
Everyone reacts as if Malfoy has said something horrific
-- everyone save Harry, who looks puzzled. Instantly,
Fred and George fly for Draco's throat. Oliver Wood
holds them back.
WOOD
Save it for the match.
RON
You'll pay for that one, Malfoy!
(whips out his wand)
Eat slugs!
Ron points his cracked wand at Malfoy. PFFT! -- a BOLT
of GREEN LIGHT scissors out the wrong end, hitting Ron
himself in the stomach. As he drops to the grass,
Hermione runs to him
HERMIONE
Ron! Say something!
Ron opens his mouth and... BELCHES. Hermione draws back,
and watches a TRIO of SLUGS dribble out his mouth. The
Slytherins CROW with LAUGHTER. Angrily, Ron rises, only
to BELCH again. Fascinated, Colin Creevey runs up with
his camera.
COLIN
Wow! Can you hold him still,
Harry?!
HARRY
Get out of the way, Colin!
(to Hermione)
Let's take him to Hagrid. He'll
know what to do.
46 INT. HAGRID'S HUT - DAY 46
Hagrid rummages about, looking for something.
HAGRID
Got jus' the thing. Set 'im down
on that chair o'er there.
As Ron sits, Hagrid pitches a BUCKET between his knees.
Harry and Hermione glance up questioningly. Hagrid
shrugs.
(CONTINUED)
44.
46 CONTINUED: 46
HAGRID
Better out than in. Who was he
tryin' ter curse anyway?
HARRY
Malfoy. He called Hermione, well,
I don't know exactly what it
means...
HERMIONE
(quietly)
He called me a Mudblood.
HAGRID
He didn'!
Harry looks confused. Hermione glances at him, then
away, obviously pained by this.
HERMIONE
It means dirty blood. Mudblood's
a really foul name for someone who
was Muggle-born. Someone with
non-magic parents. Someone...
like me. It's not a term one
usually hears in civilized
conversation.
HAGRID
Yeh see, Harry. There are some
wizards -- like Malfoy's family --
who think they're better than
everyone else 'cause they're what
people call pureblood.
HARRY
That's horrible.
RON
(BELCHES forth a
slug)
It's disgusting!
HAGRID
An' it's codswallop ter boot.
Dirty blood. There's 'ardly a
wizard today that's not half-blood
or less. If we 'adn't married
Muggles we'd've died out long ago.
Besides, they haven't invented a
spell our Hermione can't do...
(taking her shoulder)
Don' you think on it, Hermione.
Don' you think on it fer a minute.
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 4/9/02 45/45A.
47 OMITTED 47
& &
48 48
49 INT. GILDEROY LOCKHART'S OFFICE - EVENING (HOURS LATER) 49
CAMERA PANS the walls of Lockhart's office, lined with
FRAMED PHOTOGRAPHS of... Gilderoy Lockhart. Harry and
Lockhart work by candlelight at an ornate desk. Bleary-
eyed, Harry addresses envelopes, while a cheery Lockhart
puts his signature to the stack of GLOSSY PHOTOS bearing
his image.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Harry, Harry, Harry... Can you
possibly imagine a better way to
serve detention than by helping me
answer my fan mail?
Harry forces a smile.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Fame's a fickle friend, Harry.
Celebrity is as celebrity does.
Remember that.
Harry nods, glancing gloomily at the towering stack of
envelopes that remain. Dipping his quill, he starts to
write, when... a CHILLY VOICE fills the room.
VOICE
Come... come to me...
(CONTINUED)
49.
49 CONTINUED: 49
HARRY
What?
GILDEROY LOCKHART
I was saying, six solid months at
the top of the bestseller list!
Broke all records!
HARRY
No... not you, that... voice.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Voice?
HARRY
That... voice. Didn't you hear
it?
GILDEROY LOCKHART
What are you talking about, Harry?
I think we're getting a bit
drowsy. Great Scott -- and no
wonder -- look at the time! We've
been here nearly four hours!
Dinner's nearly done! If you
hurry you might make pudding.
Spooky how the time flies when
one's having fun!
HARRY
Spooky.
49A INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT (MOMENTS LATER) 49A
Harry passes quickly through the lengthening shadows of
the empty corridor, when...
VOICE
Blood... I smell blood...
Harry stops cold, looking around for the source of the
voice.
VOICE
Let me rip you... let me kill
you...
Harry steps to the wall, playing his fingers along the
stone, then begins walk, slowly at first, then more
quickly, as if following something, moving faster and
faster, rounding the corner and coming face to face
with... Hermione and Ron.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 47.
49A CONTINUED: 49A
HERMIONE
Harry!
HARRY
Did you hear it?
RON
Hear what?
HARRY
That... voice.
HERMIONE
Voice? What voice?
HARRY
(eyes darting around)
I heard it first in Lockhart's
office and then again, just --
VOICE
Kill... Time to kill...
As Harry stiffens, Hermione and Ron study him curiously.
HARRY
It's moving. I think it's going
to... kill.
Harry runs off. Hermione and Ron exchange a glance,
follow.
50 OMITTED 50
thru thru
57 57
58 INT. MARBLE STAIRCASE - MOMENTS LATER 58
Harry dashes madly, taking the steps three at a time. He
makes the landing, rushes through the archway, and...
59 INT. SECOND FLOOR CORRIDOR - SECOND FLOOR - NIGHT 59
... sleds to a stop, listening: Nothing. Slowly, he
peers down. WATER is oozing over the stone floor,
surrounding his shoes. His own REFLECTION appears and,
behind it, undulating like a dream... WORDS. Ron and
Hermione come huffing up.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 48.
59 CONTINUED: 59
RON
Harry, what are you doing?
He points. SHIMMERING on the wall are the words he saw
reflected in water.
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED
ENEMIES OF THE HEIR... BEWARE.
HERMIONE
'The Chamber of Secrets has been
opened...?'
RON
What's that? Hanging underneath?
HARRY
That's Filch's cat. Mrs. Norris.
The cat hangs stiffly by her tail from a torch bracket,
eyes open and blank. Harry's eyes shift to the adjacent
WINDOW: near the topmost pane, SPIDERS scuttle up a
silvery thread, fight to get through a crack in the
glass.
HERMIONE
Look at that. Have you ever seen
spiders act like that? Ron...?
RON
(backing away)
I... don't... like... spiders.
Suddenly, the stairwell is alive with VOICES and, seconds
later, dozens of students stream forth, CHATTERING...
when they stop, seeing the wall and, standing before it,
Harry, Ron and Hermione. A thudding SILENCE falls. Then
Draco pushes forward, eyes the wall, and grins nastily.
DRACO
Enemies of the heir, beware!
You'll be next, Mudbloods!
Draco's eyes find Hermione, just as Filch appears.
FILCH
What's going on here? Go on now!
Make way...
(stopping dead)
Mrs. Norris!
(rounding on Harry)
You! You've murdered my cat!
I'll kill you! I'll --
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 49.
59 CONTINUED: (2) 59
DUMBLEDORE
Argus!
Dumbledore marches forward, trailed by a phalanx of
teachers. Seeing the wall, Dumbledore's face darkens.
DUMBLEDORE
Everyone will proceed to their
dormitories immediately.
(to Harry, Ron,
Hermione)
Everyone except you three.
As the corridor empties, Dumbledore steps to the wall
and, with extreme gentleness, removes Mrs. Norris.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
It was definitely a curse that
killed her -- probably the
Transmogrifian Torture.
Encountered it myself once, in
Ouagadougou. The full story's in
my autobiography...
DUMBLEDORE
She's not dead, Argus. She's been
Petrified.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Precisely! So unlucky I wasn't
there. I know the very
countercurse that could have
spared her...
DUMBLEDORE
But how she's been Petrified... I
cannot say.
FILCH
(pointing at Harry)
Ask him! It's him that's done it.
You saw what he wrote on the wall!
Besides, he knows I'm -- I'm a
Squib.
HARRY
It's not true, sir! I swear! I
never touched Mrs. Norris -- And I
don't even know what a Squib is.
FILCH
Rubbish! He saw my Kwikspell
letter!
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 50.
59 CONTINUED: (3) 59
SNAPE
If I might, Headmaster...
The others turn, watch Snape separate from the shadows.
SNAPE
Perhaps Potter and his friends
were simply in the wrong place at
the wrong time...
Could Snape be defending
Harry and the others blink.
them?
SNAPE
However, the circumstances are
suspicious. I, for one, don't
recall seeing Potter at dinner.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
I'm afraid that's my doing,
Severus. You see, Harry was
helping me answer my fan mail...
As Snape's lip curls in disgust, Hermione leaps in.
HERMIONE
That's why Ron and I went looking
for him, Professor. We'd just
found him when Harry said...
SNAPE
(raising an eyebrow)
Yes, Miss Granger?
HARRY
When I said I wasn't hungry. We
were heading back to the Common
Room and... found Mrs. Norris.
Snape eyes Harry coldly, knowing he's lying. Harry looks
away... and finds Dumbledore studying him as well.
DUMBLEDORE
Innocent until proven guilty.
FILCH
My cat has been Petrified! I want
to see some punishment!
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 3/1/02 51.
59 CONTINUED: (4) 59
DUMBLEDORE
We will be able to cure her,
Argus. As I understand it, Madam
Sprout has a very healthy growth
of Mandrakes. When they have
matured, a potion will be made
which will revive Mrs. Norris. In
the meantime, I advise caution.
To all.
60 OMITTED 60
60A INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT (A BIT LATER) 60A
Harry, Ron and Hermione walk down the corridor.
RON
A Squib's someone who's born into
a wizarding family but hasn't got
any powers of their own. It's why
Filch is trying to learn magic
from a Kwikspell course. It's
also why he hates students so
much. He's bitter.
Hermione, who's only been half-listening -- as if trying
to unravel something in her mind -- speaks then.
HERMIONE
Harry. This voice. You said you
heard it first in Lockhart's
office?
HARRY
Yes.
HERMIONE
And did he hear it?
HARRY
He said he didn't.
RON
Maybe he was lying.
HERMIONE
I hardly think someone with
Gilderoy Lockhart's credentials
would lie to one of his students,
Ronald. Besides, if you recall,
we didn't hear anything either.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 3/14/02 52.
60A CONTINUED: 60A
HARRY
You do believe me, don't you?
HERMIONE
'Course we do. It's just... it's
a bit weird, isn't it? You hear
this voice and then... Mrs. Norris
turns up Petrified.
HARRY
I can't explain it -- it was...
scary.
(frowning)
D'you think I should've told them
-- Dumbledore and the others, I mean.
RON
Are you mad!
HERMIONE
No, Harry. Even in the wizarding
world, hearing voices isn't a good
sign.
61 OMITTED 61
62 INT. PROFESSOR McGONAGALL'S CLASSROOM - MORNING
McGonagall stands before the class. Resting on the desk
in front of each student, is a different animal.
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
Today, we will be turning animals
into water goblets.
She taps the bird in front of her, three times, with the tip
of her wand. It transfigures into a beautiful crystal water
goblet.
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
Now, who would like to go first...
Mr. Weasley?
Ron nods. He TAPS his rat, Scabbers, who turns into a
goblet with a tail.
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
You must replace that wand, Mr.
Weasley.
Ron nods sheepishly, looks at his broken wand.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 3/1/02 53.
62 CONTINUED: (A1) 62
McGonagall sees Hermione's raised hand. Her untouched
animal.
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
Yes, Miss Granger?
HERMIONE
Professor, I was wondering if you
could tell us about the Chamber of
Secrets?
A HUSH falls over the class.
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
My subject is Transfiguration,
Miss Granger.
HERMIONE
Yes, Professor. But there seems
to be very little written about
the Chamber of Secrets. For those
of us with a personal interest in
the subject, that is...
disturbing.
Malfoy regards Hermione with chilly amusement.
McGonagall considers Hermione's question for a long
moment, then nods.
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
Very well. You all know, of
course, that Hogwarts was founded
over a thousand years ago by the
four greatest witches and wizards
of the age:
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
54.
62 CONTINUED: 62
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL (CONT'D)
Godric Gryffindor, Helga
Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw, and
Salazar Slytherin. Three of the
founders co-existed quite
harmoniously. One did not.
RON
Three glasses who?
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
Salazar Slytherin wished to be
more selective about the students
admitted to Hogwarts. He believed
that magical learning should be
kept within all-magic families.
In other words, purebloods.
Unable to sway the others, he
decided to leave the school.
(a beat)
According to legend, Slytherin had
built a hidden chamber in this
castle, known as the Chamber of
Secrets. Shortly before
departing, he sealed it until that
time when his own true heir
returned to the school. The heir
alone would be able to open the
Chamber of Secrets and unleash the
horror within, and by so doing,
purge the school of all those who,
in Slytherin's view, were unworthy
to study magic.
HERMIONE
Muggle-borns.
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
Yes. Naturally, the school has been
searched many times for such a
chamber. It has never been found.
HERMIONE
Professor, what exactly does
legend tell us lies within the
Chamber?
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
The Chamber is said to be home to
something which the heir of Slytherin
alone can control. It is said to be
home... to a monster.
Ron's eyes shift. Malfoy sits calmly, smiling to
himself.
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 55.
63 INT. CORRIDOR - DAY 63
Harry, Hermione, and Ron thread their way through the
teeming corridor. Up ahead, Malfoy walks with Crabbe and
Goyle.
RON
D'you think it's true? D'you
think there really is a Chamber of
Secrets?
HERMIONE
Yes. Couldn't you tell:
McGonagall's worried. All the
teachers are.
HARRY
But if there really is a Chamber
of Secrets, and it's really been
opened, that means...
HERMIONE
The Heir of Slytherin has returned
to Hogwarts. The question is, who
is it?
RON
(in mock puzzlement)
Let's think. Who do we know who
thinks Muggle-borns are scum.
HERMIONE
(eyeing Malfoy ahead)
If you're talking about him --
RON
Of course! You heard him:
'You'll be next, Mudbloods'!
HERMIONE
I heard him. But Malfoy? The
Heir of Slytherin?
HARRY
Maybe Ron's right, Hermione. I
mean, look at his family. The
whole lot of them have been in
Slytherin for centuries.
RON
Crabbe and Goyle must know. Maybe
we could trick them into
telling...
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 56.
63 CONTINUED: 63
HERMIONE
No. Even they aren't that thick.
But there might be another way.
Mind you, it would be difficult.
Not to mention we'd be breaking
about fifty school rules. And it
would be dangerous. Very
dangerous.
RON
When do we start?
64 INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT 64
In a dark nook, Harry, Ron and Hermione huddle round a
book entitled Moste Potente Potions. The spotted pages
are littered with DISTURBING ILLUSTRATIONS.
HERMIONE
Here it is: 'The Polyjuice
Potion. Properly brewed, the
Polyjuice Potion allows the
drinker to transform himself
temporarily into the physical form
of another...'
RON
You mean, Harry and I drink some
of this stuff and we turn into
Crabbe and Goyle?
HERMIONE
Yes.
RON
Wicked! Malfoy'll tell us anything!
HERMIONE
Exactly. But it's tricky. I've
never seen a more complicated
potion. Lacewing flies, leeches,
fluxweed. And, of course, we'll
need a bit of whoever we want to
change into too.
RON
Hang on now. I'm drinking nothing
with Crabbe's toenails in it.
(CONTINUED)
57.
64 CONTINUED: 64
HARRY
How long will it take to make?
HERMIONE
A month.
HARRY
A month? But if Malfoy is the
heir of Slytherin... he could
attack half the Muggle-borns in
the school by then.
HERMIONE
You didn't have to tell me that.
65 EXT. QUIDDITCH STADIUM - DAY 65
We join the Quidditch match in mid-game. The CROWD
ROARS, watching as Slytherin Chasers, bent low over their
new brooms, jet past the overmatched Gryffindors.
HAGRID
Gallopin' Gorgons! Slytherin's
flyin' like they got dragon fire
in their brooms...
Ron fumes, looking as though he takes Slytherin's
dominance personally. Taking Hagrid's GIANT BINOCULARS,
he trains them on the FACULTY BOX -- where Lucius Malfoy
sits next to Snape.
Harry circles high above the pitch, searching for the
Golden Snitch. Suddenly, Malfoy streaks by overhead.
DRACO
All right there, Scarhead?
Harry turns, eyes Malfoy malevolently. Behind him, a
BLUDGER drops INTO FRAME, begins to streak toward his
head.
GEORGE
HARRY! WATCH OUT!
Harry wheels and at the last possible moment, slips the
WHISTLING Bludger. CRACK! George swoops down, BATS it
away. Harry turns, watches it soar away, then blinks:
the Bludger turns, streaks right back at him. Harry JETS
OFF.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 3/1/02 58.
65 CONTINUED: 65
HAGRID
(from the stands)
Blimey, Harry's got 'imself a
Rogue Bludger!
RON
Rogue Bludger?
HAGRID
Look fer yerself! It's bin'
tampered with!
Harry executes a series of zigs, zags, loops and rolls,
trying to shake the Bludger, but the Bludger is
relentless.
Ron instinctively draws his wand, begins to point it
toward Harry and the Bludger, when... Hermione's hand
intercedes. She glances knowingly at his fractured wand.
HERMIONE
You're joking, right? Besides,
even with a proper wand, it's too
risky. You could hit Harry.
As Harry frantically dips and dives, Malfoy cruises by.
DRACO
Training for the ballet, Potter?
Harry glances at Malfoy's sneering face. BUZZING inches
above Malfoy's left ear is... the GOLDEN SNITCH. Harry
CHARGES. Malfoy GULPS, swings clear, and watches Harry
rocket past.
As Harry chases the plummeting Snitch, Malfoy FOLLOWS IN
HOT PURSUIT. They RACE DOWNWARD, trailing the HISSING
SNITCH deep into the TRENCH circling the pitch. Shoulder
to shoulder, they RACE MADLY, driving and dodging the
wooden support beams that crisscross their path.
Directly behind them, the Bludger FOLLOWS, SHATTERING the
BEAMS as it dogs Harry.
Malfoy KICKS Harry, forcing him to the edge of the
trench. Harry BRUSHES the wall, battling for control.
Malfoy turns, SNICKERS, then looks back... and finds
himself heading smack into a wooden beam. Panicked, he
tries to pull up. Too late. Broom meets beam and Malfoy
spirals out of the trench and -- THWUMP! -- flat on his
back in the middle of the pitch.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 3/1/02 58A.
65 CONTINUED: (1A) 65
Harry continues on, CLOSING on the Snitch, fingertips
only inches from catching it... when... the Rogue Bludger
SMASHES INTO Harry's arm.
Harry cries out, steadies himself and with a brilliant,
acrobatic move, SNATCHES the Snitch out of the air with
his good hand. Unable to control his broom with his
shattered arm, he hits the pitch with a SICKENING THUD.
Wincing, Harry rolls onto his shoulders, SQUINTS UP: a
BLACK DOT -- growing rapidly LARGER -- is plummeting from
the sky, directly toward him. It's... the rogue Bludger.
Instantly, Harry spins away, grimacing in agony, as the
Bludger...
... hits the ground like a SLEDGE HAMMER, violently
TATTOOING the pitch again and again, only inches from
Harry. Calmly, Hermione strides forth, points her wand.
HERMIONE
Finite Incantatem!
The Bludger hangs briefly in the air. Slowly ceases
spinning. Drops heavily to the pitch. Harry exhales,
relieved, only to recall the searing pain in his arm. As
CONCERNED FACES swim above him, one particular face
pushes through the others:
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Not to worry, Harry. I'll fix
that arm of yours straight away.
HARRY
No... no... not you.
(CONTINUED)
59.
65 CONTINUED: (3) 65
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Poor boy doesn't know what he's
saying. This won't hurt a bit...
Lockhart TWIRLS his WAND, Harry braces himself, and...
nothing. He blinks, looks up: the faces -- which now
include Ron, Hermione, and Hagrid -- look horror-
stricken.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Ah. Yes. Well, that can
sometimes happen. The point is,
the bones are no longer broken.
HAGRID
Brok'n? He doesn't 'ave any bones
at all!
Harry looks: his arm looks like an empty rubber glove.
66 INT. HOSPITAL WING - DAY 66
A dazed Malfoy slumps out with Crabbe and Goyle. Ron,
standing by Harry's bed with Hermione, grins, then
watches MADAM POMFREY pour out a STEAMING BEAKERFUL OF
LIQUID from a bottle of SKELE-GRO. A group of
Gryffindors, including some of his teammates, stand
nearby.
MADAM POMFREY
He should have been brought
straight to me! I can mend bones
in a heartbeat -- but growing them
back --
HERMIONE
You will be able to, won't you?
MADAM POMFREY
I'll be able to, certainly, but it
will be painful. You're in for a
rough night, Potter. Regrowing
bones is nasty business.
Harry takes the steaming cup and drinks. Grimaces.
MADAM POMFREY
Well, what did you expect --
pumpkin juice?
FLASH! Harry blinks, sees Colin Creevey standing there.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 3/1/02 60.
66 CONTINUED: 66
COLIN
That was brilliant today, Harry!
Brilliant!
MADAM POMFREY
Out! All of you! This boy's got
thirty-three bones to regrow!
67 INT. HOSPITAL WING - NIGHT 67
Harry fidgets in the darkness, half-asleep, then... his
eyelids flutter slowly open...
HARRY'S MOVING POV
From the shadows that cling to the ceiling... to the
lattice-work of moonlight that burns softly on the walls
around him...
BACK TO SCENE
He SENSES something... a presence... when...
Five BANDAGED FINGERS ENTER FRAME, begin to SPONGE his
brow. Harry bolts upright, finds...
HARRY
Dobby!
DOBBY
Harry Potter came back to school.
Dobby warned him. Harry Potter
should have listened to Dobby.
Harry Potter should have gone back
home when he missed the train.
HARRY
(pushing the sponge
away)
It was you! You stopped the
barrier from letting Ron and me
through!
DOBBY
Indeed yes, sir. Dobby hid and
watched for Harry Potter and
sealed the gateway.
HARRY
You nearly got Ron and me
expelled!
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 3/1/02 60A.
67 CONTINUED: (A1) 67
DOBBY
At least you would be away from
here. Harry Potter must go home!
Dobby thought his Bludger would be
enough to make Harry Potter see --
HARRY
Your Bludger? You made that
Bludger chase after me?
(CONTINUED)
61.
67 CONTINUED: 67
DOBBY
Dobby feels most aggrieved, sir.
(waggling his fingers)
Dobby had to iron his hands...
HARRY
You'd better clear off before my
bones come back, Dobby, or I might
strangle you!
DOBBY
(smiling weakly)
Dobby is used to death threats,
sir. Dobby gets them five times a
day at home.
HARRY
I don't suppose you could tell me
why you're trying to kill me?
DOBBY
Not kill you, sir, never kill you!
Dobby remembers how it was before
Harry Potter triumphed over He Who
Must Not Be Named. We house elves
were treated like vermin, sir. Of
course, Dobby is still treated
like vermin...
Dobby HONKS his nose on the filthy pillowcase he wears.
HARRY
Why do you wear that thing, Dobby?
DOBBY
This, sir? 'Tis a mark of the
house elf's enslavement. Dobby
can only be freed if his master
presents him with clothes. The
family is careful not to pass
Dobby so much as a sock, sir, for
then he would be free to leave
their house forever.
Dobby's ears QUIVER, detecting... FOOTSTEPS. He
WHISPERS.
DOBBY
Terrible things are about to
happen at Hogwarts! Harry Potter
must not stay here now that
history is to repeat itself!
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 62.
67 CONTINUED: (2) 67
HARRY
Repeat itself? You mean, this has
happened before?
Dobby seizes the Skele-Gro, BEATS himself about the head.
HARRY
Tell me, Dobby? When did this
happen before? Who's doing it
now?
DOBBY
Dobby cannot say, sir. Dobby only
wants Harry Potter to be safe.
HARRY
Who is it?
No, Dobby! Tell me!
CRACK! Dobby is gone. SHADOWS flicker beyond the
CURTAIN encircling Harry's bed. Harry slumps down...
peers through a slit in the curtains. Dumbledore, in a
nightcap, and McGonagall, in a tartan robe, heave a SMALL
STATUE onto an empty bed. Seconds later, Madam Pomfrey
bustles in.
MADAM POMFREY
What's happened?
DUMBLEDORE
There's been another attack.
Madam Pomfrey GASPS. It is not a statue lying there. It
is Colin Creevey, CAMERA still clutched to his eye.
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
Perhaps he managed to get a
picture of his attacker...
Dumbledore opens the camera. A JET OF STEAM HISSES
forth.
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
What does this mean, Albus?
DUMBLEDORE
It means our students are in great
danger, Minerva. Mr. Creevey was
fortunate. If not for this...
(holding up the camera)
He would surely be dead.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 62A.
67 CONTINUED: (3) 67
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
What sould I tell the staff,
Albus?
DUMBLEDORE
Tell them the truth. Tell them
Hogwarts is no longer safe. Tell
them it's as we feared. The
Chamber of Secrets is indeed open
again.
68 OMITTED 68
68A EXT. GIRLS BATHROOM 68A
We PAN SLOWLY FROM the defiled wall to the bathroom door.
63.
69 INT. GIRLS BATHROOM - DAY 69
A gloomy place. Cracked mirrors. Chipped sinks.
Guttering candles. Harry and Ron huddle over a SMALL,
BUBBLING CAULDRON, as Hermione adds STRANGE INGREDIENTS.
HERMIONE
Again? You mean, the Chamber of
Secrets has been opened before?
RON
Of course! Don't you see? Lucius
Malfoy must've opened it when he
was at school here, and now he's
told Draco how to do it.
HERMIONE
Maybe. We'll have to wait for the
Polyjuice Potion to know for sure.
RON
Enlighten me. Why are we
brewing this potion in broad
daylight, in the middle of a
girls' lavatory? Don't you think
we'll get caught?
HERMIONE
Never. No one over comes in here.
RON
Why?
HERMIONE
Moaning Myrtle.
RON
Who's Moaning Myrtle?
There is a LOUD, PIERCING SCREECH, and the GHOST OF A
YOUNG GIRL COMES RACING OUT OF THE WALL. FACE TO FACE
with Ron.
MOANING MYRTLE
I'm Moaning Myrtle. I wouldn't
expect you to know me. Who
would ever talk about fat, ugly,
miserable, moping, moaning
Myrtle?
Myrtle SOBS LOUDLY, DIVES head first into the toilet.
HERMIONE
She's a little sensitive.
64.
70 INT. GREAT HALL - DAY 70
NOTICE-BOARD: DUELING CLUB! First Meeting Tonight. A
GOLDEN STAGE has been erected. Lockhart struts atop it.
Harry, Ron, Hermione and good number of other students
watch.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Gather round! Gather round! Can
everyone see me? Can you all hear
me? Excellent. In light of the
dark events of recent weeks,
Professor Dumbledore has granted
me permission to start this little
Dueling Club, to train you all up
in case you ever need to defend
yourselves as I myself have done
on countless occasions -- for full
details, see my published works.
The boy next to Harry, JUSTIN-FINCH FLETCHLEY, turns to
him.
JUSTIN FINCH-FLETCHLEY
That Lockhart's something, isn't
he? Awfully brave chap.
(offering his hand)
Justin Finch-Fletchley.
Hufflepuff.
HARRY
Nice to meet you. I'm --
JUSTIN FINCH-FLETCHLEY
I know who you are. We all do.
Even us Muggle-borns.
Justin grins agreeably, looks back to the stage, where
Professor Snape has joined Lockhart.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Let me introduce my assistant
Professor Snape. He has
sportingly agreed to help me with
a short demonstration. Now I
don't want any of you youngsters
to worry. You'll still have your
Potions Master when I'm through
with him, never fear!
RON
What's the fun in that?
Lockhart and Snape face each other and bow. They turn,
walk ten paces, then... SPIN... wands poised like swords.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 65.
70 CONTINUED: 70
GILDEROY LOCKHART
As you can see, we are holding our
wands in the accepted combative
position. On the count of three,
we will cast our first spells.
Neither of us will be aiming to
kill, of course.
HARRY
(eyeing Snape)
I wouldn't bet on that.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
One-two-three --
SNAPE
Expelliarmus!
A dazzling flash of SCARLET LIGHT bursts forth and BLASTS
Lockhart off his feet and into the wall behind.
HERMIONE
Do you think he's all right?
HARRY/RON
Who cares?
GILDEROY LOCKHART
(rising unsteadily)
Well, there you have it. That was
a Disarming Charm. As you see,
I've lost my wand.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
(as Hermione returns it)
Ah, thank you, Miss Granger. Yes,
an excellent idea to show them
that, Professor Snape, but if you
don't mind my saying so, it was
very obvious what you were about
to do. If I had wanted to stop
you it would have been only too
easy...
SNAPE
Perhaps it would be prudent to
first teach the students to block
unfriendly spells, Professor.
(CONTINUED)
66.
70 CONTINUED: (2) 70
GILDEROY LOCKHART
An excellent suggestion, Professor
Snape. Let's have a volunteer
pair. Potter, Weasley, how about
you?
SNAPE
Weasley's wand causes devastation
with the simplest spells. We'll
be sending Potter to the hospital
wing in a matchbox. Might I
suggest someone from my own house.
Malfoy, perhaps.
Malfoy and Harry eye each other malevolently as they take
their places onstage. Grudgingly, they bow to each
other.
DRACO
Scared, Potter?
HARRY
You wish.
They turn, walk ten paces, then WHIRL, wands poised.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Wands at the ready! When I count
to three, cast your charms to
disarm your opponent -- only to
disarm. We don't want any
accidents. One, two --
Malfoy FIRES early, knocking Harry off his feet with a
BLAST of WHITE LIGHT. He jumps up, points his wand.
HARRY
Rictusempra!
A jet of SILVER LIGHT hits Malfoy dead in the stomach.
He doubles up, WHEEZING.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
I said disarm only!
DRACO
Serpensortia!
To Harry's horror, the tip of Malfoy's wand EXPLODES and
a LONG BLACK SNAKE SLITHERS forth. Snape smiles with
amusement.
(CONTINUED)
67.
70 CONTINUED: (3) 70
SNAPE
Don't move, Potter. I'll get rid
of it for you.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Allow me!
Lockhart flicks his wand. BANG! The SNAKE flies into
the air, HISSES in rage, and slithers straight towards
Justin Finch-Fletchley. As students SCREAM, Harry --
oddly calm -- approaches the snake. It rises, fangs
exposed, poised to strike Justin.
HARRY
(in Parseltongue)
Leave him!
The snake looks into Harry's eyes, then turns for Justin.
HARRY
(in Parseltongue)
LEAVE HIM!
The snake hovers a moment more, then -- miraculously --
slumps to the floor. Harry blinks, as if coming out of a
trance, grins curiously at the snake, and offers his hand
to Justin.
JUSTIN-FINCH-FLETCHLEY
What are you playing at?
Terrified, Justin backs away. Confused, Harry eyes the
faces around him. Malfoy looks shocked. Seamus and
Neville's eyes glitter with fear. Ginny bolts the room.
Snape waves his wand and the snake VANISHES in PUFF OF
BLACK SMOKE, then regards Harry with a look that is both
shrewd and calculating.
RON
(taking Harry's arm)
Come on. Move. Now.
71 INT. GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM - DAY (LATER) 71
Ron and Hermione usher Harry inside. Harry glances up,
sees Ginny Weasley staring down at him from the top of
the stairs. As their eyes meet, she turns for the girls'
dormitory.
RON
You're a Parselmouth! Why didn't
you tell us?
(CONTINUED)
68.
71 CONTINUED: 71
HARRY
I'm a what?
HERMIONE
You can talk to snakes.
HARRY
I know. I mean, I accidentally
set a python on my cousin Dudley
at the zoo once. But so what? I
bet loads of people here can do
it.
HERMIONE
No. They can't. It's not a very
common gift, Harry. This is bad.
HARRY
What's bad? If I hadn't told that
snake not to attack Justin --
RON
Oh, that's what you said to it.
HARRY
You were there! You heard me!
RON
I heard you speaking Parseltongue.
Snake language.
HARRY
I spoke a different language? But
I didn't realize -- how can I
speak a language without knowing I
can?
HERMIONE
I don't know, Harry. But it
sounded like you were egging the
snake on or something. It was...
creepy.
As Gryffindors stream into the room, they eye Harry
warily. Even Seamus, Neville, and Dean Thomas walk by
without a word.
HERMIONE
Harry, listen out me. There's a
reason the symbol of Slytherin
house is a serpent. Salazar
Slytherin was a Parselmouth. He
could talk to snakes too.
(CONTINUED)
69.
71 CONTINUED: (2) 71
RON
Exactly. And now the whole
school's going to think you're his
great-great-great grandson or
something.
HARRY
But I'm not. I... can't be.
HERMIONE
He lived a thousand years ago.
For all we know... you could be.
72 EXT. HOGWARTS' LANDSCAPE - DAY 72
A heavy snow falls. Harry sits atop one of the towering
hills facing Hogwarts. Hedwig sits beside him.
HARRY
Who am I, Hedwig? What am I?
73 INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT 73
The trio study. Harry, burdened by dark thoughts, looks
up at Ron.
He smiles at Harry, then, seconds later, Hermione does
the same -- something forced about it all. Unable to
bear it, Harry gathers his books, gets up from the table.
As Harry walks, students glance up, meet his gaze, then
look away. Even MADAM PINCE eyes him from her desk.
Ginny Weasley, tired and pale, scribbles furiously in a
SMALL BLACK BOOK.
Harry exits, walks into the hallway and pauses. From
inside a room, the VOICES of a group of Hufflepuffs can
be heard.
ERNIE
So, anyway, I told Justin to hide
up in our dormitory. I mean to
say, if Potter's marked him down
as his next victim, it's best he
keep a low profile for a while.
HANNAH
But why would he want to attack
Justin?
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 70.
73 CONTINUED: 73
ERNIE
Justin let it slip to Potter that
he was Muggle-born.
HANNAH
And you definitely think Potter's
the Heir of Slytherin?
ERNIE
Hannah, he's a Parselmouth.
Everyone knows that's the mark of
a dark wizard. Have you ever
heard of a decent one who could
talk to snakes? They called
Slytherin himself Serpent-tongue.
(whispering darkly)
Remember what was written on the
wall: Enemies of the Heir Beware.
Potter had some sort of run-in
with Filch. Next thing we know,
Filch's cat's attacked. That
first-year Creevey's been annoying
Potter. Then Creevey's attacked.
HANNAH
He always seems so nice, though.
And, after all, he is the one who
made You Know Who disappear.
ERNIE
That's probably why You Know Who
wanted to kill him in the first
place. Didn't want another Dark
Lord competing with him.
Harry doesn't need to hear anymore. He slips quietly
away.
74 INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT (MOMENTS LATER) 74
MUTTERING, Harry storms straight into Hagrid, who
stands covered in snow, a DEAD ROOSTER dangling from
his hand.
HAGRID
All righ', Harry?
HARRY
Hagrid... what're you doing
here?
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 3/1/02 71.
74 CONTINUED: 74
HAGRID
(holding up
the rooster)
Second one killed this term.
Reckon it's either foxes or a
Blood-Suckin' Bugbear. Need
Dumbledore's permission ter put a
charm round the hen-coop. Yeh
sure yeh're all righ', Harry? Yeh
look all hot an' bothered.
HARRY
It's nothing. I'd better get
going. I've got a lot of
studying...
75 INT. ANOTHER CORRIDOR - NIGHT (MOMENTS LATER) 75
Harry enters, slows. Up ahead, in the light of a
FLICKERING TORCH, something DARK lies. A WINDOWPANE
RATTLES in the WIND and the torch... goes out. Harry
steps closer, finds...
Justin-Finch-Fletchley. Lying rigid on the floor, a look
of shock on his frozen face. Nearby, an inert Nearly
Headless Nick floats, body teeming with BLACK SMOKE.
Kneeling, Harry notices a TRAIL OF SPIDERS scuttling away
from Justin's body and out the loose windowpane... when
suddenly...
... Harry senses someone watching him, wheels:
McGonagall.
HARRY
Professor, I swear I didn't --
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
This is out of my hands, Potter.
Mr. Filch, will you take care of
this, please?
Harry's eyes shift. Filch lurks in the shadows beyond
McGonagall. He steps forward, HISSES QUIETLY.
FILCH
Caught in the act. I'll have you
out this time, Potter. Mark my
words...
As McGonagall leads Harry away, he looks back. Filch
stares at Justin and Nick, then turns. CAMERA DOLLYS
AWAY FROM HIM.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 3/1/02 72.
75 CONTINUED: 75
FILCH
Dark magic. That's what you've
got, Potter. Even the air you
breathe comes out poison. You're
evil. Evil as they come...
76 INT. GARGOYLE CORRIDOR - NIGHT (MOMENTS LATER) 76
McGonagall marches Harry down to an UGLY STONE GARGOYLE.
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
Sherbet lemon.
The Gargoyle SPRINGS TO LIFE, its wings opening.
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
Professor Dumbledore will be
waiting for you.
McGonagall ushers Harry inside. It's an elevator. The
Gargoyle's wings close. Harry rises to an upper floor.
77 INT. DUMBLEDORE'S OFFICE - NIGHT 77
Harry steps out of the Gargoyle's embrace and enters a
large, circular room. STRANGE SILVER INSTRUMENTS WHIR
quietly. On a nearby shelf, the SORTING HAT sits. Harry
casts a wary eye at the PAST HEADMASTERS snoozing in the
PORTRAITS around him. In the last portrait, the
Headmaster is awake, reading a book. He is PROFESSOR
DIPPET. Harry approaches the Sorting Hat, glances
around, then places it atop his head.
SORTING HAT
Bee in your bonnet, Potter?
HARRY
Well, you see, I was wondering...
(CONTINUED)
73.
77 CONTINUED: 77
SORTING HAT
If I put you in the right house?
Yes... you were particularly
difficult to place. But I stand
by what I said last year... you
would have done well in Slytherin.
Harry strips the hat off, tosses it back onto the shelf.
HARRY
You're wrong!
The hat sits motionless. Silent. Hearing a GAGGING
SOUND, Harry wheels, finds an OLD, DECREPIT BIRD (FAWKES)
sitting on a GOLDEN PERCH. It wobbles, then... BURSTS
INTO FLAMES. As Dumbledore enters, Harry looks horror-
struck.
HARRY
Professor, your bird... I couldn't
do anything... He just caught
fire.
DUMBLEDORE
About time too. He's been looking
dreadful for days. Pity you had
to see him on a Burning Day. He's
really very handsome most of the
time.
(off Harry's look)
Fawkes is a phoenix, Harry.
Phoenixes burst into flame when it
is time for them to die and are
reborn from the ashes.
Harry looks to the floor. The ASHES swirl. A baby
Fawkes pokes out his wrinkled head, blinking through the
dust.
DUMBLEDORE
Fascinating creatures, phoenixes.
They can carry immensely heavy
loads, their tears have healing
powers, and they make highly
faithful pets.
Just then, Hagrid -- still clutching the dead rooster --
BURSTS through the door.
HAGRID
It wasn't Harry, Professor
Dumbledore!
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 74.
77 CONTINUED: (2) 77
DUMBLEDORE
Hagrid --
HAGRID
I was talkin' ter 'im jus' before
that kid was found. It can't've
bin 'im!
DUMBLEDORE
Hagrid --
HAGRID
I'll swear ter it in front o' the
Ministry o' Magic --
DUMBLEDORE
HAGRID! I do not think that Harry
has attacked anyone.
HAGRID
Oh. Right. I'll wait outside
then.
As Hagrid exits, Harry looks hopefully at Dumbledore.
HARRY
You don't think it was me,
Professor?
DUMBLEDORE
No, Harry. But I must ask you...
is there anything you'd like to
tell me. Anything at all?
Dumbledore waits. Harry debates. Finally...
HARRY
No, Professor. Nothing.
78 EXT. HOGWARTS CASTLE - DAY 78
Students drift into the snow with their trunks, heading
home for holiday. As Harry, Ron, and Hermione appear,
Ernie and few others cast wary glances.
FRED
Make way for the Heir of
Slytherin! Seriously evil wizard
coming through!
Ron grins, amused, then sees Harry -- anything but.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 75.
78 CONTINUED: 78
RON
Oh, c'mon, Harry. Fred's just
having a laugh.
HARRY
He's the only one.
RON
Okay, so half the school thinks
you're nipping off to the Chamber
of Secrets every night. Who
cares?
HARRY
Maybe they're right.
HERMIONE
(reproachfully)
Harry!
HARRY
(frustrated)
I didn't know I could speak
Parseltongue. What else don't I
know about myself? Maybe you can
do something... even something
horrible... and not know you did
it.
HERMIONE
You don't believe that, Harry, I
know you don't. And if it makes
you feel better, I just heard
Malfoy's staying over for holiday,
too.
RON
Why would that make anyone feel
better?
HERMIONE
Because, in a few days, the
Polyjuice Potion's will be ready.
In a few days... we may truly know
who is the Heir of Slytherin.
79 INT. GREAT HALL - NIGHT 79
The Christmas Feast. The Hall glimmers grandly as
snowflakes tumble from the ceiling. Harry and Ron sit
with Hermione.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 75A.
79 CONTINUED: (A1) 79
HERMIONE
Everything's set. We just need a
bit of who you're changing into.
HARRY
Crabbe and Goyle.
HERMIONE
And we also need to make sure that
the real Crabbe and Goyle can't
burst in on us while we're
interrogating Malfoy.
RON
How?
Hermione holds up a pair of SMALL CAKES.
HERMIONE
I've got it all worked out. I've
filled these with a simple
Sleeping Draught. Simple, but
powerful.
Ron glances at Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, who presently
are eating everything in front of them.
HERMIONE
You know how greedy Crabbe and
Goyle are. They won't leave the
Christmas Feast until every last
drop of trifle is gone.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 11/20/01 76.
79 CONTINUED: 79
HERMIONE (CONT'D)
Now, once they're asleep, hide
them in a broom cupboard and pull
out a few of their hairs.
RON
And whose hair are you ripping out?
HERMIONE
I've already got mine.
She removes a SMALL VIAL. Inside is a TINY HAIR.
HERMIONE
Millicent Bulstrode. She's in
Slytherin. I got this off her
robes.
(rising)
All right then... I'm going to
check on the Polyjuice Potion.
Hermione points to the cakes in front of her.
HERMIONE
Remember. Just make sure Crabbe
and Goyle find these.
Hermione exits. Ron looks at Harry.
RON
Have you ever heard of a plan
where so many things could go
wrong?
80 INT. ENTRANCE HALL - NIGHT (A BIT LATER) 80
Harry and Ron, lurking behind a SUIT OF ARMOR, watch
Crabbe and Goyle exit the Great Hall.
Goyle spies the cakes instantly, perched on the end of
one of the banisters. Grabbing them, he reluctantly
surrenders one to Crabbe and, in unison, they stuff them
into their mouths. They pause. Look at each other. And
keel flat onto their backs.
Harry and Ron dash out, drag Crabbe and Goyle across the
floor and into a cupboard.
81 INT. GIRLS' BATHROOM - NIGHT (MOMENTS LATER) 81
Hermione, wearing a Slytherin robe, hovers over a smoking
cauldron. Harry and Ron enter.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 11/20/01 76A.
81 CONTINUED: 81
HERMIONE
Did you get it?
Harry and Ron hold up their hands. In each: a TUFT OF
HAIR. Hermione points to a pair of SLYTHERIN ROBES.
HERMIONE
I sneaked those out of the
laundry.
Harry and Ron nod, glance at the cauldron. The potion
resembles a thick, dark, bubbling mud.
(CONTINUED)
77.
81 CONTINUED: 81
HERMIONE
I'm sure I've done everything
right. It looks like the book
said it should. Once we've drunk
it, we'll have exactly one hour
before we change back into
ourselves.
RON
Now what?
HERMIONE
We separate it into three glasses
and add the hairs.
Harry and Ron grimace.
CUT TO:
CLOSEUP - THE POTION
being poured into three glasses.
CAMERA PULLS BACK. Harry and Ron have changed into the
Slytherin robes. All three raise their glasses. Drop
the hairs. The potion turns shades of YELLOW, BROWN, and
KHAKI.
RON
Ugh. Essence of Crabbe...
They nod. DRINK. Ron swallows grimly, doubles over.
RON
Think I'm gonna be sick...
He runs into a stall. Harry looks sick, steps to a
CRACKED MIRROR. Hermione pauses. Looks worried.
Something's wrong...
INSIDE THE STALL: Ron bends over the toilet, watches his
reflection morph into Crabbe.
IN THE CRACKED MIRROR: Harry watches his face contort
into the thick features of Goyle.
Hermione looks at her arm. Patches of fur begin to
spread across her wrist and hand. Terrified, she RUNS
into a stall.
Ron emerges from his stall, a dead ringer for Crabbe.
(CONTINUED)
78.
81 CONTINUED: (2) 81
RON
Harry?
HARRY
Ron?
RON
Bloody hell.
HARRY
We still sound like ourselves.
You need to sound more like
Crabbe.
RON
(adjusts voice)
Bloody hell.
HARRY
Lower.
RON
(lower still)
Bloody hell.
HARRY
Less intelligent.
RON
(dumbing it down)
Bloody hell.
HARRY
Excellent.
RON
Hey... Where's Hermione?
HERMIONE (O.S.)
(from the stall)
I -- I don't think I'm going. You
go on without me.
HARRY
Hermione, are you okay?
HERMIONE (O.S.)
Just go! You're wasting time!
82 OMITTED 82
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 79.
83 EXT. MARBLE STAIRCASE - NIGHT (MOMENTS LATER) 83
Harry and Ron hurry down the staircase.
RON
Don't swing your arms like that.
Crabbe holds them sort of stiff.
Harry goes a bit more "Neanderthal."
RON
Yeah. That's better.
84 GLOOMY CORRIDOR/DUNGEONS - NIGHT (MOMENTS LATER) 84
Harry and Ron move quickly, when... FOOTSTEPS sound.
Seconds later, Percy appears at the end of the corridor.
RON
What are you doing here?
Percy squints, confused by Ron's voice. Harry elbows
Ron, who clears his throat and speaks in a lower voice.
RON
What are you doing here?
PERCY
I happen to be a prefect. You, on
the other hand, have no business
wandering the corridors at night.
It's not safe these days.
Harry and Ron NOD, afraid to speak. Percy squints again.
PERCY
What're your names again?
DRACO
Crabbe. Goyle. Where have you
been? Pigging out in the Great
Hall all this time?
Draco is walking towards them, glances witheringly at Percy.
DRACO
And what are you doing down here,
Weasley?
PERCY
Mind your attitude, Malfoy. You
want to show a little bit more
respect to a school Prefect!
(CONTINUED)
80.
84 CONTINUED: 84
DRACO
Come on, boys. Weasley thinks
he's going to catch Slytherin's
hair single-handed.
Percy steams. Draco sneers, walks off with Harry and
Ron.
85 OMITTED 85
86 INT. SLYTHERIN COMMON ROOM - NIGHT (LATER) 86
Harry and Ron trail Draco inside, glance around warily.
DRACO
Listen to this...
Draco grabs The Daily Prophet, reads the front page.
DRACO
'Arthur Weasley, Head of the
Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office,
was today fined fifty Galleons for
bewitching a Muggle car. "Weasley
has brought the Ministry into
disrepute," said Lucius Malfoy, a
governor of Hogwarts. "He is
clearly unfit to draw up our laws
and his ridiculous Muggle
Protection Act should be scrapped
immediately."'
Grinning, Malfoy glances over the paper at Harry and Ron.
DRACO
Arthur Weasley loves Muggle so
much he should snap his wand in
half and go join them. You'd
never know the Weasleys were
purebloods, the way they behave.
Embarrassment to the wizarding
world. All of them.
Ron growls. Harry elbows him. Draco looks surprised.
DRACO
What's up with you, Crabbe?
RON
(low voice)
Stomachache.
(CONTINUED)
81.
86 CONTINUED: 86
DRACO
Well, go to the hospital wing
and give all those Mudbloods a kick
in the arse for me! You know, I'm
surprised The Daily Prophet hasn't
reported all these attacks yet. I
suppose Dumbledore's trying to hush
it all up. He'll be sacked if it
doesn't stop soon. Father always
said Dumbledore's the worst thing
that's ever happened to this place.
HARRY
You're wrong!
DRACO
What? Did you say that I was
wrong? You think there's someone
here who's worse than Dumbledore?
Ron stiffens. Worried. Harry thinks, then:
HARRY
Harry Potter.
DRACO
(grinning)
Good one, Goyle. You're
absolutely right. Saint Potter.
He's another one with no proper
wizard feeling, or he wouldn't go
around with that Mudblood Granger.
And people actually think he's the
Heir of Slytherin.
Harry and Ron exchange a glance. Harry leans closer to
Draco.
HARRY
Then you must have some idea who's
behind it all?
DRACO
You know I haven't, Goyle. How
many times do I have to tell you?
But my father did say this much:
It's been fifty years since the
Chamber was opened. He wouldn't
tell me who opened it -- only that
they were expelled -- but I know
this: the last time the Chamber
of Secrets was opened, a Mudblood
died.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
82.
86 CONTINUED: (2) 86
DRACO (CONT'D)
So it's only a matter of time
before one of them's killed this
time. As for me... I hope it's
Granger.
As Malfoy grins, Ron's fist rises... when Harry stops
him.
DRACO
What's the matter with you two?
You're acting very... odd.
RON
Ho!
Harry turns, sees Ron staring wide-eyed: Harry's SCAR is
beginning to surface beneath the skin of Goyle's thick
forehead. And Crabbe's hair is... turning RED. They
both JUMP to their feet, DASHING out of the room.
DRACO
Hey! Where are you going?
87 INT. ENTRANCE HALL - NIGHT (MOMENTS LATER) 87
As Harry and Ron race toward the stairs, the BROOM CLOSET
bursts open and a woozy Crabbe and Goyle stagger out.
They freeze -- watch themselves run up the staircase.
88 INT. SECOND FLOOR CORRIDOR - NIGHT (MOMENTS LATER) 88
Harry and Ron sprint toward the desecrated wall, their
bodies metamorphosing, until, finally, as they hit the
door...
89 INT. GIRLS BATHROOM - NIGHT 89
... They are fully themselves once more.
RON
That was close!
HARRY
Hermione, come out. We've got
loads to tell you!
HERMIONE
Go away!
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 83.
89 CONTINUED: 89
As Harry and Ron exchange a puzzled glance, Moaning
Myrtle spirals INTO VIEW, looking disturbingly...
happy.
MOANING MYRTLE
Ooh, wait till you see. It's
awful!
The stall's lock slides back. The door opens slowly.
HERMIONE (O.S.)
Do you remember me telling you the
Polyjuice Potion was only for
human transformations...?
Even in shadow, they can see: Hermione's face is covered
in FUR, her eyes YELLOW, and POINTED EARS poke through
her hair.
HERMIONE
It was cat hair I plucked off
Millicent Bulstrode's robes! Look
at my face!
RON
Look at your tail.
90 INT. HOSPITAL WING - DAY (TWO WEEKS LATER) 90
Staggering under the weight of the LIBRARY BOOKS in their
arms, Harry and Ron make their way to Hermione's bed,
which is covered in... BOOKS.
HERMIONE
Oh, good. Put those anywhere.
They look. There is no anywhere. So they just... drop
them.
RON
Madam Pince asked that we relay a
message to you, Hermione: She'd
appreciate it if you'd leave a few
books for the rest of the school.
HERMIONE
I've got to keep up, haven't I?
Just then, Hermione's tail twitches INTO VIEW.
RON
Is that thing ever going away?
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 84.
90 CONTINUED: 90
HERMIONE
Any day now, according to Madam
Pomfrey. I'm just thankful I've
stopped coughing up fur balls.
RON
We all are, believe me.
HERMIONE
Now. What about the Chamber of
Secrets? Any new leads?
HARRY
Nothing.
HERMIONE
And has it gotten any better? I
mean... is anyone speaking to you?
HARRY
Neville asked to borrow a tubeworm
in Potions yesterday. I suppose
that's something.
Ron takes a GET-WELL CARD from under Hermione's pillow.
RON
'To Miss Granger. Wishing you a
speedy recovery, from your
concerned teacher Gilderoy
Lockhart.' You sleep with this
under your pillow?
HERMIONE
Of course not. I don't know how
that got there. Now go. I still
have six hundred pages to read in
Transformation Through the Ages.
91 OMITTED 91
92 EXT. SECOND-FLOOR CORRIDOR - NIGHT (MOMENTS LATER) 92
Harry and Ron mount the stairs, emerge.
RON
I know Hermione's mental, but can
you believe she falls for that
smarmy nonsense of Lockhart's?
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 84A.
92 CONTINUED: 92
They stop. Look down. A GREAT FLOOD OF WATER streams
from the Girls' Bathroom. From within, MYRTLE can be
heard MOANING.
HARRY
Looks like Myrtle's flooded the
bathroom.
As Harry sploshes off toward the bathroom, Ron steps
lightly.
RON
Yuck.
93 INT. GIRLS BATHROOM - NIGHT (MOMENTS LATER) 93
HUGE, WRACKING MOANS echo off the dreary tile. All the
taps are running, streaming like tiny waterfalls. As
Harry and Ron step to the last cubicle, Myrtle spins
accusingly.
(CONTINUED)
85.
93 CONTINUED: 93
MOANING MYRTLE
Come to throw something else at
me?
HARRY
Why would I throw something at
you?
MOANING MYRTLE
Don't ask me. Here I am, minding
my own business, and someone
thinks it's funny to throw a book
at me...
RON
But it can't hurt if someone
throws something at you. I mean,
it'd just go right through you,
wouldn't it?
MOANING MYRTLE
Oh sure! Let's all throw books at
Myrtle, because she can't feel it!
Ten points if you can get it
through her stomach. Fifty points
if it goes through her head!
HARRY
Who threw it at you anyway?
MOANING MYRTLE
I don't know. I didn't see them.
I was just sitting in the U-bend,
thinking about death and it fell
through the top of my head.
Harry sees a SMALL BLACK BOOK on the floor. Picks it up.
RON
Fifty points if you can get it
through her nose.
MOANING MYRTLE
I HEARD THAT!
Harry and Ron dash out.
94 INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT (MOMENTS LATER) 94
Harry examines the book as he and Ron walk.
HARRY
This is a diary. And it's old...
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 4/9/02 86.
94 CONTINUED: 94
RON
It's a diary, it's old... and was
most recently in a toilet, Harry.
Harry starts to open it... when Ron grabs his hand.
RON
Are you mad? That could be
cursed. Dad once told me about a
book the Ministry confiscated that
burned the eyes out of anyone who
tried to read it.
HARRY
I'll take my chances...
(opening it)
Ahhh! MY EYES! MY EYES!
Ron freezes, terrified, when... Harry grins, ending the
ruse. At the end of corridor, Ginny stands, looking from
the diary to Harry -- utter terror on her face -- then
dashes off.
HARRY
Ginny! I was only joking --
Brilliant. Even your sister
thinks I'm the monster now.
RON
Who doesn't?
Ron frowns suddenly. On the first page on the diary,
EMBOSSED LETTERS spell out a name: TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE.
RON
Tin Marvolo Riddle? Hang on. I
know that name...
(thinking, then)
Of course! The night I had
detention... My job was to polish
the silver in the trophy room. I
remember because I kept burping
slugs all over Tom Riddle's
trophy. I must have wiped slime
off his name for an hour.
Harry fans the pages. They're empty.
HARRY
That's odd. He never wrote in it.
95 INT. HOSPITAL WING - LATER THAT NIGHT 95
CLOSEUP: DIARY. A GOLD EMBOSSED ADDRESS on the back
reads: WAXFLATTER'S BOOKSELLERS. 422 VAUXHALL ROAD.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 4/9/02 87.
95 CONTINUED: 95
CAMERA PULLS BACK. Harry sits with Hermione in the
moonlit room. Hermione studies the diary curiously.
HERMIONE
Tom Riddle... Hm. And Ron said he
won an award fifty years ago?
HARRY
Special Services to the School or
something --
HERMIONE
Fifty years ago? You're sure?
HARRY
Yes. Why?
HERMIONE
Don't you remember what Malfoy
told you? The last time the
Chamber of Secrets was opened
was --
HARRY
Fifty years ago! That means --
HERMIONE
Tom Riddle was here, at Hogwarts,
when it happened. What if he
wrote about what he saw? It's
possible he knew where the Chamber
was, how to open it, even what
sort of creature lives in it. If
so, whoever's behind the attacks
this time wouldn't want a diary
like this lying around, would
they?
HARRY
That's a brilliant theory,
Hermione. With just one tiny
little flaw. There's nothing
written in this diary.
HERMIONE
It might be invisible ink.
(pulls out her wand)
Aparecium!
She taps the diary three times. Nothing happens. The
pages remain BLANK. She frowns, passes the book back to
Harry.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 88.
95 CONTINUED: (2) 95
HERMIONE
I don't know, Harry. But I think
you should be careful with this.
Something tells me Ron might be
right. It could be dangerous.
HARRY
You don't think I'm dangerous, do
you, Hermione? I mean, you're not
scared. Of me.
HERMIONE
I'm scared, Harry. But not of
you.
96 INT. GRYFFINDOR DORMITORY/COMMON ROOM - NIGHT (LATER) 96
CAMERA STARTS OVERHEAD, looking down on the boys'
dormitory. Seamus, Neville, Ron and Dean sleep. One bed
is empty. CAMERA CRANES TO the Common Room, finds Harry
sitting alone, flipping through the blank pages of the
diary.
Harry starts to set the diary aside, then notices a
BOTTLE OF INK sitting on the desk. An idea flickers.
Taking his QUILL, Harry dips it, and hesitates. As he
does, a DROP of INK hangs, suspended like a tear, then...
DROPS.
The ink BLAZES briefly, then... VANISHES... as if it were
sucked into the page. Excited, Harry dips his quill
again, and, this time, writes: My name is Harry Potter.
The words blaze, VANISH. Slowly, oozing out of the page,
comes a response: Hello, Harry Potter. My name is Tom
Riddle.
Harry's mind races. Deciding, he MUTTERS the words he
writes:
HARRY
Do... you... know... anything...
about... the... Chamber... of...
Secrets?
Yes.
HARRY
Can... you... tell... me?
No.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 89.
96 CONTINUED: 96
Harry frowns. Then... slowly... new words ooze to the
surface.
But I can show you...
Harry waits, intrigued. Then, suddenly...
The pages FLUTTER WILDLY, stop on "June the 13th." On
the page, a TINY SQUARE SHIMMERS... like a WINDOW. Harry
lifts the book, puts his eye close and... PITCHES
FORWARD, spilling through the widening window, into a
WHIRL of COLOR and SHADOW, tumbling onto his feet...
97 INT. CORRIDOR/ENTRANCE HALL - NIGHT (FIFTY YEARS AGO) 97
... in torch-lit corridor. Everything is de-saturated,
save for Harry, who retains the true, rich colors of the
present. He glances about, disoriented, then spies a BOY
(TOM RIDDLE) at the end of the corridor, peering around a
corner. A FLURRY of SHADOWS dances on the wall beyond
the boy, revealing the presence of others, unseen, in an
adjoining room.
As Harry advances, LOW VOICES emanate from the shadows.
As he reaches the boy, Harry speaks in a WHISPER:
HARRY
Excuse me. Could you tell me
where I am? Hello...?
The boy doesn't respond, eyes staked to the activity in
the adjoining room... which Harry sees now is the
Entrance Hall. A group of ELDER WITCHES and WIZARDS --
Hogwarts Professors -- talk amongst themselves, then...
abruptly go silent. Make way for two YOUNG WIZARDS,
bearing a STRETCHER.
VOICE (O.S.)
Riddle.
The boy wheels... and looks right through Harry. Harry
turns, too. It's Dumbledore... fifty years younger.
TOM RIDDLE
Professor Dumbledore.
DUMBLEDORE
It's not wise to be wandering
around this late, Tom.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 90.
97 CONTINUED: 97
TOM RIDDLE
Yes, Professor. I suppose I -- I
just had to see for myself, if...
Riddle glances toward the young wizards, watches them
carry the stretcher out of the Hall, into the night.
TOM RIDDLE
... the rumors were true.
DUMBLEDORE
I'm afraid they are, Tom.
TOM RIDDLE
About the school as well? They
wouldn't really close Hogwarts,
would they, Professor?
DUMBLEDORE
Headmaster Dippet may have no
choice, I'm afraid.
TOM RIDDLE
Sir? If it all stopped. If the
person responsible was caught...
DUMBLEDORE
Is there something you wish to
tell me, Tom?
TOM RIDDLE
(a long beat)
No, sir. Nothing.
Dumbledore studies Riddle for a moment.
DUMBLEDORE
Very well then. Hurry along.
Dumbledore strides directly past Harry, not seeing him.
When he is gone, Riddle moves quickly, toward the dungeon
steps.
98 OMITTED 98
& &
99 99
100 INT. CORRIDOR - DUNGEONS - NIGHT (MOMENTS LATER) 100
Up ahead, a SPLINTER of LIGHT leaks through a DOOR.
Riddle puts his eye to the crack. Inside, someone is
SPEAKING.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 91.
100 CONTINUED: 100
VOICE (O.S.)
C'mon, Aragog. Gotta get yeh
outta here... C'mon now.. in the
box...
As Riddle pushes the door clear, Harry sees a second,
smaller room. Crouched by a BOX, is a huge boy... YOUNG
HAGRID. A STRANGE CLICKING comes from the BOX.
TOM RIDDLE
Evening, Hagrid.
Hagrid SLAMS the door shut.
TOM RIDDLE
I'm going to have to turn you in,
Hagrid. I don't think you meant
it to kill anyone --
YOUNG HAGRID
No, yeh can't! Yeh don'
understand!
TOM RIDDLE
Hagrid. The dead girl's parents
will be here tomorrow. The least
Hogwarts can do is make sure the
thing that killed their daughter
is slaughtered.
YOUNG HAGRID
It wasn' him! Aragog never'd kill
no one! Never!
RIDDLE
Monsters don't make good pets,
Hagrid. Now... stand aside...
Riddle draws his wand, BLASTS the closed DOOR off its
hinges, extinguishing the torches within. Harry GASPS.
A low-slung CREATURE with a tangle of black legs, a gleam
of many eyes and a pair of razor-sharp pincers, scuttles
out of the shadows. As Riddle points his wand at it,
Hagrid LEAPS...
YOUNG HAGRID
Noooooo!
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 3/1/02 92.
100 CONTINUED: (2) 100
As they tumble to the floor, the entire ROOM WHIRLS off
its axis, spinning, and Harry finds himself plummeting
through color and shadow again, falling flat on his back
to...
... the floor of the Gryffindor Common Room, the ceiling
above spinning, slowly, to a stop. Harry rises, dashes
upstairs.
100A INT. BOYS' DORMITORY - NIGHT 100A
Harry rushes to Ron, shakes him awake, WHISPERING INTENSELY.
HARRY
Ron!
Ron!
RON
What? What's happened...?
HARRY
It was Hagrid. Hagrid opened the
Chamber of Secrets fifty years ago.
100B EXT. HOGWARTS - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY 100B
CAMERA SOARS high over the castle, as below, students
hurry to their classes. Finally, it FINDS:
101 OMITTED 101
102 EXT./INT. HOGWARTS GROUNDS - DAY (LATER) 102
Harry, Ron and Hermione walking together across the grounds.
HERMIONE
It can't be Hagrid. It just can't
be.
RON
We don't even know this Riddle.
He sounds like a dirty, rotten
snitch to me.
HARRY
The monster had killed someone,
Ron. What would any of us done?
HERMIONE
Look. Hagrid's our friend. Why
don't we just go ask him about it?
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 3/1/02 93.
102 CONTINUED: 102
RON
That'd be a cheerful visit.
Hullo, Hagrid. Tell us, have you
been setting anything mad and
hairy loose in the castle lately?
HAGRID
Mad an' hairy? Wouldn' be talkin'
'bou me, now would yeh?
The trio wheels, spots Hagrid grinning at them. They
instantly look guilty.
HARRY/RON/HERMIONE
No!
Hagrid looks at them curiously. Harry nods to the
STRANGE CANISTER in his hand.
HARRY
What's that you've got, Hagrid?
HAGRID
Flesh-Eatin' Slug Repellent. Fer
the Mandrakes, yeh know.
Accordin' ter Professor Sprout,
they still got a bit o' growin' up
ter do, but once their acne clears
up, we'll be able to chop 'em up,
stew 'em, an' get those people in
the hospital un-Petrified. 'Til
then, you three best watch
yerselves, all righ'?
They nod, watch Hagrid lope away. Just then, Neville
comes running up. He looks pale with fright.
NEVILLE
Harry, I don't know who did it,
but... you'd better come.
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 94.
103 OMITTED 103
104 INT. GRYFFINDOR TOWER DORMITORY - DAY 104
Harry's space is a disaster: trunk riffled, drawers
flung open, bedclothes strewn on the floor.
HERMIONE
It had to be a Gryffindor. Nobody
else knows our password. Unless,
it wasn't a student...
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 3/1/02 95.
104 CONTINUED: 104
RON
Well, whoever it was, they were
looking for something.
HARRY
And they found it... Tom Riddle's
diary is gone.
105 EXT. HOGWARTS GROUNDS - DAY 105
Students stream into the Quidditch Stadium.
105A INT. MARBLE STAIRCASE - DAY 105A
Harry, dressed in his Quidditch robes, dashes down the
staircase with Ron and Hermione. Down below, Ron spies
Ginny.
RON
Hey, Ginny! Going to the match?
Ginny looks up, startled, then shakes her head and exits.
RON
I tell you, she gets weirder and
weirder by the day...
VOICE (O.S.)
Kill this time... Let me rip...
Tear.
Harry freezes. Ron and Hermione stop, knowing by his face...
RON
No... don't tell me...
Harry turns, as if following the SOUND, absently touching
his fingers to the wall as he glances around. Hermione
studies him with great interest -- STUDIES HIS FINGERS --
then, abruptly, Harry turns away, shakes his head: it's
gone. Hermione looks up, eyes vaguely upon Harry, but
her mind miles away.
HERMIONE
Harry... I think I've just understood
something! I've got to go to the
library!
As Hermione sprints back up the stairs, Harry YELLS.
HARRY
What do you understand!
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER 0F SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 96.
105A CONTINUED: 105A
But she's gone. Harry turns to Ron in puzzlement.
HARRY
The library?
RON
That's Hermione. When in doubt,
go to the library
106 EXT. REAR OF QUIDDITCH STADIUM - DAY (LATER) 106
Harry and his teammates march toward the Quidditch tower.
The CHEERS of the CROWD are heard.
WOOD
Listen up now. We play our game,
Hufflepuff doesn't stand a chance.
We're stronger, quicker, smarter.
GEORGE
Not to mention they're dead
terrified Harry'll Petrify them if
they fly anywhere near him.
WOOD
That, too.
Just then, Professor McGonagall appears, barring their
way.
WOOD
Professor McGonagall --
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
This match has been cancelled.
WOOD
Cancelled! They can't cancel
Quidditch --
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
Silence, Wood! You will return to
Gryffindor Tower now. Potter, you
and I will find Mr. Weasley.
There's something the both of you
need to see.
107 INT. HOSPITAL WING - DAY 107
McGonagall pauses outside the door, turns to Harry and
Ron.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER 0F SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 97.
107 CONTINUED: 107
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
I warn you. This will be a bit of
a shock.
She opens the door. Madam Pomfrey is leaning over a bed
where a girl lies. As she straightens up, we see the
girl is...
RON
Hermione!
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
She was found near the library.
Along with this. Does it mean
anything to either of you?
She holds up a SMALL CIRCULAR MIRROR. Harry shakes his
head. McGonagall nods gravely, leads them out. As they
go, the CAMERA DRIFTS to HERMIONE'S HAND. Clinched tight
in her stiff knuckles, barely visible, is... a PIECE OF
PAPER.
108 INT. GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM - NIGHT 108
McGonagall reads from a PARCHMENT to the somber
Gryffindors.
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
All students will return to their
house common rooms by six o'clock
in the evening. You will be
escorted to each lesson by a
teacher. No exceptions.
(rolling up
the parchment)
I should tell you all this.
Unless the culprit behind these
attacks is caught, it is likely
that the school will be closed.
McGonagall turns, exits. Instantly, as one, the
students begin to talk amongst themselves. Neville
speaks up.
NEVILLE
Haven't any of the teachers
noticed that the Slytherins are
all safe? Isn't it obvious all
this stuff's coming from
Slytherin? The Heir of Slytherin,
the monster of Slytherin -- why
don't they just chuck all the
Slytherins out?
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER 0F SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 98.
108 CONTINUED: 108
SEAMUS
They can't close Hogwarts. Where
would we all go?
DEAN THOMAS
I don't care what anyone says. As
long as Dumbledore's here,
Hogwarts will be here.
Harry WHISPERS to Ron.
HARRY
We've got to talk to Hagrid, Ron.
I can't believe it's him. But if
he did set the monster loose last
time -- even by accident -- he'll
know how to get inside the Chamber
of Secrets. And that's a start.
RON
But you heard McGonagall. We're
not allowed to leave the tower
except for class --
HARRY
I think it's time to get my Dad's
old Cloak out again.
109 INT. TOWER DORMITORY - NIGHT (LATER) 109
CLOSEUP: A drawer opens, a HAND reaches in, takes the
INVISIBILITY CLOAK. CAMERA PULLS BACK, REVEALS Ron and
Harry. All around them, the other boys sleep. Harry
pitches the cloak over himself and Ron. They're gone.
110 OMITTED 110
& &
111 111
112 INT. ENTRANCE HALL - NIGHT 112
Harry and Ron, beneath the cloak, sneak by an unaware
Snape.
112A OMITTED 112A
99.
113 EXT. HAGRID'S HUT - NIGHT 113
A KNOCK. Hagrid swings open the door. Crossbow in hand.
HAGRID
Who's there?
Harry and Ron drop the cloak. Hagrid lowers the
crossbow.
114 INT. HAGRID'S HUT - NIGHT 114
FANG, Hagrid's enormous BOARHOUND, THUMPS HIS TAIL at the
sight of Harry and Ron. Harry points to the crossbow.
HARRY
What's that for?
HAGRID
Nothin', nothin'. I've been
expectin'... Doesn't matter. Sit
down... I'll make tea...
Hagrid nervously takes the kettle, spills the water..
HARRY
Are you okay? Hagrid? Did you
hear about Hermione?
HAGRID
Oh, yea. I heard, all righ'.
HARRY
Look... we have to ask you
something. Do you know who's
opened the Chamber of Secrets?
Hagrid takes a fruit cake, stops, about to answer,
when... there is a LOUD KNOCK. The fruitcake SMASHES to
the floor. Panicked, Harry and Ron throw the cloak over
themselves. Sweating, Hagrid grabs his crossbow, points
it at the door.
HAGRID
C-come in.
The door opens. A grim Dumbledore enters, followed by a
portly man in a pin-stripe suit and bowler: CORNELIUS
FUDGE.
DUMBLEDORE
Good evening, Hagrid.
(CONTINUED)
100.
114 CONTINUED: 114
RON
(whispering to Harry)
That's Dad's boss! Cornelius
Fudge. The Minister of Magic!
Harry elbows Ron to shut him up.
FUDGE
Bad business, Hagrid. Very bad
business. Had to come. Four
attacks on Muggle-borns.
Things've gone far enough.
Ministry's got to act.
HAGRID
I never... You know I never,
Professor Dumbledore, sir...
DUMBLEDORE
I want it understood, Cornelius,
that Hagrid has my full
confidence.
FUDGE
Look, Albus, Hagrid's record's
against him. I've got to take
him.
HAGRID
Take me? Where? Not Azkaban
prison.
FUDGE
For a short stretch only. Not a
punishment, Hagrid. More a
precaution. If someone else is
caught, you'll be released with a
full apology.
Just then, there is a SHARP RAP on the door. As
Dumbledore opens it, Harry slumps. It's Lucius
Malfoy.
LUCIUS MALFOY
Already here, Fudge? Good,
good...
HAGRID
What're you doin' here! Get outta
my house!
(CONTINUED)
101.
114 CONTINUED: (2) 114
LUCIUS MALFOY
My dear man, please believe me, I
have no pleasure at all in being
inside your -- do you call this a
house? I simply called at the
school and was told the Headmaster
was here.
DUMBLEDORE
And what exactly did you want with
me, Lucius?
LUCIUS MALFOY
Dreadful thing, Dumbledore, but
the governors feel it's time for
you to step aside. This is an
Order of Suspension. You'll find
all twelve signatures on it. I'm
afraid we feel you're losing your
touch. What with all these
attacks, there'll be no Muggle-
borns left at Hogwarts. And we
all know what an awful loss that
would be.
Malfoy hands Fudge an OFFICIAL ROLL of PARCHMENT.
FUDGE
Now, see here, Lucius. Dumbledore
suspended. No, no... last thing
we want right now... If Dumbledore
can't stop these attacks... I mean
to say, who can?
LUCIUS MALFOY
That remains to be seen, but as
all twelve governors have voted --
HAGRID
An' how many did yeh have ter
threaten before they agreed!
LUCIUS MALFOY
I would advise you not to shout at
the Azkaban guards like that.
HAGRID
Yeh can take Dumbledore! Take him
away an' the Muggle-borns won'
stand a chance! There'll be
killin's next!
(CONTINUED)
102.
114 CONTINUED: (3) 114
DUMBLEDORE
Calm yourself, Hagrid!
(steely-eyed)
If the governors want my removal,
Lucius, I shall of course step
aside. However... you will find
that I will only truly have left
this school when none here are
loyal to me. You will also find
that help will always be given at
Hogwarts to those who... ask for
it.
Dumbledore's eyes drift -- unmistakably -- to Harry.
LUCIUS MALFOY
Admirable sentiments. We shall
all miss your highly individual
way of running things, Albus, and
only hope your successor will
manage to prevent any more, um,
killin's.
Malfoy strides to the door and bows Dumbledore out.
Fudge, fiddling with his bowler, waits for Hagrid.
Instead, Hagrid stands his ground, takes a deep breath
and says carefully...
HAGRID
If anyone wanted ter find out some
stuff, all they'd have ter do is
follow the spiders. That'd lead
'em right! Tha's all I'm sayin'.
Fudge stares at Hagrid in amazement, then follows him
out. As the door SLAMS SHUT, FANG starts to HOWL,
scratching at the closed door. Harry and Ron emerge from
the cloak.
RON
Hagrid's right. With Dumbledore
gone, there'll be an attack a day.
HARRY
Look...
At the windowsill, a TRAIL OF SPIDERS escapes through a
crack in the glass. Harry grabs Hagrid's LANTERN.
HARRY
C'mon.
103.
115 OMITTED 115
thru thru
118 118
119 EXT. HAGRID'S HUT - NIGHT 119
Harry illuminates the TRAIL OF SPIDERS. They run from
the window to the ground, to the dark trees in the near
distance. As Harry moves to follow, Ron hesitates.
RON
What are you doing?
HARRY
You heard Hagrid. Follow the
spiders.
RON
They're heading into the Dark
Forest.
Harry sighs, heads off. Terrified, Ron grabs Fang,
follows.
RON
Why spiders. Why couldn't it be
'Follow the butterflies'?
120 OMITTED 120
121 EXT. DARK FOREST - NIGHT 121
Fang crashes through low-slung branches and sharp
brambles as Harry follows. Ron gingerly picks his way,
the JUMPS... as FANG HOWLS. BRANCHES SNAP. A RUMBLING
NOISE sounds, then... SILENCE. Harry spies something,
points O.S.
HARRY
There's something moving over
there... something big.
Just then a BLAZE of LIGHT splinters the trees, blinding
them. They start to flee... when Ron stops.
RON
Harry!... Harry, it's our car!
Scratched and mud-smeared, with bits of earth and grass
sprouting from its headlamps and hubcaps -- the Ford
Anglia looks half-animal. Ron circles it in wonder.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER 0F SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 104.
121 CONTINUED: 121
HARRY
It's been here all the time! Look
at it. The Forest has turned it
wild.
Harry nods, then glances back up the slope.
HARRY
C'mon, we don't want to lose the
trail.
121A EXT. SPIDERS' HOLLOW - NIGHT 121A
Harry and Ron enter a hollow ribboned with shadows.
Enormous trees tower over them, strewn with strands of
white webbing. Ron steps on a strand, kicks it off
queasily. Harry peers up ahead: at the far end of the
hollow, the spiders stream toward a DARK OPENING.
As Harry and Ron approach the opening, a CLICKING SOUND
emanates from within, ECHOING in the branches of the tall
trees. GROWING LOUDER. Ron falters, glancing about
nervously.
RON
I don't have a good feeling about
this, Harry --
HARRY
Don't panic.
As Harry steps to the mouth of the cavern, the AIR
suddenly CRACKLES with MOVEMENT. TWIGS SNAP. A HUGE
SHADOW emerges, slowly engulfs Harry. He peers up.
SEES:
An ANCIENT SPIDER (ARAGOG), the size of a small elephant.
As it advances, Harry and Ron back slowly away. Then:
its BLIND EYES catch the light, and it STOPS. As if...
listening.
ARAGOG
You do not come from the forest.
Your hearts beat like... men.
HARRY
(breathing finally)
Yes. We're friends of Hagrid's.
And you... you're...
(as it comes to him)
... Aragog, aren't you?
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER 0F SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 105.
121A CONTINUED: 121A
Hearing this, Aragog's head turns slightly.
ARAGOG
Hagrid has never sent men into our
hollow before.
HARRY
He's in trouble. Up at school,
there've been attacks. They think
it's Hagrid. They think he's
opened the Chamber of Secrets.
Like before.
As Harry talks, Ron's eyes dart warily about, then...
RON'S POV - a pair of long legs -- SPIDER'S LEGS -- curl
slowly around the trunk of the tree to his left.
Terrified, Ron NUDGES Harry, but Harry ignores him.
ARAGOG
That's a lie! Hagrid never opend
the Chamber of Secrets!
HARRY
But if Hagrid never... that
means... you're not the monster.
ARAGOG
The monster was born in the
castle. I came from a distant
land, in the pocket of a traveler.
Ron turns. TWO CRAWLING SILHOUETTES inch forward.
Pause. Waiting. Watching.
RON
Harry...
HARRY
Shhh!
(to Aragog)
But if you're not the monster,
what did kill that girl fifty
years ago?
ARAGOG
We do not speak of it! It is an
ancient creature we spiders fear
above all others.
HARRY
But have you seen it?
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER 0F SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 106.
121A CONTINUED: (2) 121A
A SCRABBLING SOUND ECHOES above Ron. He GLANCES UP: a
SPIDER crouches on a branch above.
ARAGOG
I never saw any part of the castle
but the cupboard in which Hagrid
kept me. The girl was discovered
in a bathroom. When I was
accused, Hagrid brought me here.
More SCRABBLING. Ron looks up. We PAN UP with him.
SEE: SPIDERS -- in high and low branches -- DROPPING
DOWNWARD like paratroopers. Ron GRABS Harry.
HARRY
(annoyed)
What!
Ron points. Harry looks. Pales. Turns slowly back to
Aragog.
HARRY
Well... thank you. We'll just
go...
ARAGOG
Go? I think not. My sons and
daughters do not harm Hagrid, on
my command. But I cannot deny
them fresh meat when it wanders so
willingly into our midst.
Goodbye, friend of Hagrid.
Aragog turns, disappears into the shadows of the cavern.
RON
Can we panic now?
CLICK! CLICK! CLICK! Harry and Ron SPIN. A GANG of
FIVE-FOOT SPIDERS bar the path ahead. Begin to move
forward. Harry and Ron SPIN again: SPIDERS.
Everywhere. CLOSING IN.
Desperately, Harry swings the LANTERN in his hand. The
spiders falter, then CREEP FORWARD again as the ARC of
the LIGHT chases itself away. Around and around. Then:
The LANTERN goes out.
Harry pitches it aside. As one, he and Ron draw their
wands.
RON
Nice knowing you.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 106A.
121A CONTINUED: (3) 121A
They're done for. Fang WHIMPERS. The spiders draw
closer, CLICKING FEVERISHLY, when...
... a LONG, LOUD HORN BLEATS. Seconds later, a BLAZE of
LIGHT ignites the hollow and the FORD ANGLIA comes
THUNDERING over the rim and down the slope, KNOCKING
SPIDERS OUT OF ITS PATH. As it SCREECHES to a halt, the
DOORS FLING OPEN.
HARRY
Let's go!
Harry, Ron and Fang LEAP INSIDE. Ron SHIFTS FRANTICALLY.
A SPIDER appears at Harry's open window.
HARRY
THE WINDOWS! ROLL UP THE WINDOWS!
RON
(trying)
I CAN'T! IT'S STUCK!
Just then, a hairy leg reaches through Ron's window.
Instantly, Ron HITS the gas, throws the car into REVERSE.
Spiders scatter, but the TWO clinging to the side windows
hold tight. As the CAR ZOOMS BACKWARDS out of the
hollow, Harry rolls his window tight, SNAPPING OFF his
SPIDER'S LEGS.
121B EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE FOREST - NIGHT 121B
The Anglia jets out of the hollow, lands with a THUD.
Harry turns. The other spider is PULLING RON from the
car. Harry points his wand, utters a spell and a
BLINDING FLASH OF WHITE LIGHT BLASTS the spider into the
shadows whipping past.
RON
Thanks for that.
(CONTINUED)
107.
121B CONTINUED: 121B
HARRY
Don't mention it.
They stop. Both hear it: a DISTANT CLICKING. As the
car flies over a ridge, they see them: a SEA OF SPIDERS
heading straight for them like a herd of raging
wildebeest. Ron puts his foot to the floor, SPINS the
wheel and sends the car sliding away. The spiders
STAMPEDE after.
121C EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE FOREST - BLACK PARK - NIGHT 121C
The Anglia SLALOMS through the forest, skimming past
trees as the spiders CHARGE after. Harry peers ahead,
SEES an area of FALLEN TREES. There is an OPENING, one
narrow escape route.
HARRY
That way! It's the only way out!
(looking back)
Hurry! They're catching up!
Ron JAMS the accelerator... just as a GIANT TARANTULA
drops in front of the escape route. Harry and Ron are as
good as dead.
HARRY
Can you get us in the air?
RON
(jostling the
gear stick)
Flying gear's jammed!
The spiders behind DRAW CLOSER. The TARANTULA waits
ahead. Harry claps his hand over Ron's on the gear
shift, pushing. The tarantula's pincers open, ready to
kill, when... the GEAR SHIFT GIVES, the Anglia's wheels
LIFT and the CAR FLIES OVER CAMERA, leaving the furious
spiders below. The car barely avoids the rearing
tarantula, then sails over the trees.
121D EXT. HAGRID'S HUT - NIGHT 121D
As they LAND, Fang bolts free. Harry and Ron exit the
CAR wearily, then watch it turn and RUMBLE BACK INTO THE
FOREST.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 108.
121D CONTINUED: 121D
RON
'Follow the spiders'! Follow the
spiders'! If he ever gets out of
Azkaban, I'll kill Hagrid. I
mean, what was the point of
sending us in there? What have we
found out?
HARRY
We know one thing. Hagrid never
opened the Chamber of Secrets. He
was innocent.
122 OMITTED 122
thru thru
122C 122C
123 INT. HOSPITAL WING - DAY 123
Madam Pomfrey bars the door, frowns at Harry and Ron.
MADAM POMFREY
There's no point in talking to a
petrified person. She won't hear
a word you're saying.
Ron shifts uncomfortably.
RON
We know that, Madam Pomfrey. It's
just, well, you see, we thought,
maybe, we could... be with her for
a bit. She's our... friend, you
see, and... even if she can't hear
us... I mean, it can't hurt, can
it?
A glint of sympathy flickers in Pomfrey's eyes.
MADAM POMFREY
Very well then. But be quick
about it.
As she exits, the boys step to her bed. Absently, Ron
picks up the circular mirror that lies on the nightstand.
Eyes Lockhart's Get Well card.
RON
You don't think Lockhart could be
the heir of Slytherin, do you?
(off Harry's look)
Right. Forget I said it.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 109.
123 CONTINUED: 123
Harry studies Hermione's face.
HARRY
Wish you were here, Hermione. We
need you. Now more than ever...
Just then, the mirror in Ron's hand CATCHES the LATE
AFTERNOON SUNLIGHT and casts a jagged FLAME across
Hermione's hand. Harry watches the light dance over her
fingers... then looks closer. Sees the paper clutched
there.
124 INT. CORRIDOR - DUSK (LATER) 124
Harry and Ron duck into an alcove, take out the CRINKLED
paper, which, we see now, is TORN from a library book.
HARRY
'Of the many fearsome beasts that
roam our land, none is more deadly
than the Basilisk. Capable of
living for hundreds of years,
instant death awaits any who meet
this giant serpent's eye. Spiders
flee before it and only the
crowing of the rooster can kill
it.'
(looking up)
Ron! This is it! The monster in
the Chamber of Secrets is a
Basilisk. That's why I can hear
it speak. It's a snake.
RON
But it kills by looking people in
the eye. Why is it no one's dead?
Harry frowns, contemplating this, then catches he and
Ron's REFLECTION in the window opposite. He mutters
SOFTLY:
HARRY
Because no one did look it in the
eye. Not directly at least...
(in a rush)
Colin saw it through his camera.
Justin -- Justin must've seen the
Basilisk through Nearly Headless
Nick! Nick got the full blast of
it, but he's a ghost -- he
couldn't die again...
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 110.
124 CONTINUED: 124
HARRY (CONT'D)
... And Hermione... had the
mirror! I bet you anything she
was using it to look round
corners, in case it came along.
RON
And Mrs. Norris? I'm pretty sure
she didn't have a camera or a
mirror, Harry.
HARRY
The water... there was water on
the floor that night. She only
saw the Basilisk's reflection...
(scanning the
page again)
The crowing of the rooster is
fatal to it! That's why Hagrid's
roosters were killed! Spiders
flee before it! It all fits!
RON
But how's the Basilisk been
getting around? A dirty great
snake. Someone would have seen...
HARRY
Hermione answered that too.
Harry points. Scribbled, in Hermione's hand, is:
"Pipes."
RON
(aghast)
Pipes...? It's using the
plumbing.
HARRY
Remember what Aragog said? About
that girl fifty years ago? She
died in a bathroom. What if she
never left.
RON
Moaning Myrtle!
Harry nods. Just then, McGonagall's VOICE ECHOES
throughout the castle, magically magnified.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 111.
124 CONTINUED: (2) 124
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL (V.O.)
All students are to return to
their house dormitories at once.
All teachers to the second floor
corridor. Immediately.
125 INT. SECOND FLOOR - CORRIDOR - DUSK (MOMENTS LATER) 125
McGonagall stands before the desecrated wall, surrounded
by the rest of the staff. Harry and Ron creep up the
stairwell.
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
As you can see, the Heir of
Slytherin has left another
message. Our worst fear has been
realized. A student has been
taken by the monster. Into the
Chamber itself.
(as the teachers
react)
I'm afraid we shall have to send
the students home. I'm afraid...
this is the end of Hogwarts.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
(bursting in cheerily)
So sorry. Dozed off. What have I
missed?
SNAPE
Just the man. A girl has been
snatched by the monster, Lockhart.
Your moment has come at last.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
My m-moment?
SNAPE
Weren't you saying just last night
that you've known all along where
the entrance to the Chamber of
Secrets is?
GILDEROY LOCKHART
D-did I? I don't recall...
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
That settles it. We'll leave it
to you to deal with the monster,
Gilderoy. Your skills, after all,
are legend.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 112.
125 CONTINUED: 125
GILDEROY LOCKHART
V-very well. I'll -- I'll be in
my office, getting -- getting
ready.
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
The rest of us should go and
inform the students what has
happened.
PROFESSOR SPROUT
Who is it the monster's taken,
Minerva?
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
Ginny Weasley.
Ron's knees give way. As Harry catches him, the staff
scatters, revealing what is written on the wall:
Her skeleton will lie in the Chamber forever.
126 INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT (MOMENTS LATER) 126
Harry and a very upset Ron walk with desperate purpose.
RON
She knew something, Harry. She'd
found out something about the
Chamber of Secrets. That's why
she was taken. I mean, she was --
is -- a pure-blood. There can't
be any other reason.
HARRY
(pulling him away)
C'mon. Let's go see Lockhart. He
may be a brainless git, but he's
going to try and get into the
Chamber. We can tell him what we
know...
RON
Harry. D'you think there's any
chance at all she's not, you
know --
Harry glances over, studies Ron's tortured eyes.
HARRY
We'll find her, Ron. Ginny's
going to be fine.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 1/28/02 113/114.
126 CONTINUED: 126
Ron nods, smiles shakily, and looks away. As he does,
Harry's face changes, looks troubled.
Even he doesn't believe what he's just said.
127 OMITTED 127
128 INT. GILDEROY LOCKHART'S OFFICE - NIGHT 128
Harry and Ron DASH inside.
HARRY
Professor, we've got some
information for you --
Harry and Ron stop dead. Lockhart's office is stripped
to the shelves. Two LARGE TRUNKS stand open.
HARRY
Are you going somewhere?
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Um, well, yes. Urgent call.
Unavoidable. Got to go...
RON
What about my sister?
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Well, as to that -- most
unfortunate. No one regrets more
than I --
RON
You're the Defense Against the
Dark Arts teacher! You can't go
now!
GILDEROY LOCKHART
I must say, when I took the job,
nothing in the job description --
(CONTINUED)
115.
128 CONTINUED: 128
HARRY
You're running away? After all
that stuff you did in your books?
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Books can be misleading.
HARRY
You wrote them!
GILDEROY LOCKHART
My dear boy, do use your common
sense. My books wouldn't have
sold half as well if people didn't
think I'd done all those things.
No one wants to read about some
ugly old Armenian warlock, even if
he did save a village from
werewolves. He'd look dreadful on
the front cover. No dress sense
at all...
HARRY
You're a fraud! You've just been
taking credit for what a load of
other wizards have done!
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Harry, Harry, Harry. There was
work involved. I had to track
these people down and ask them
exactly how they managed to do
what they did. No, it's not all
book signings and publicity
photos. You want fame, you have
to be prepared for a long, hard
slog.
RON
Is there anything you can do?
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Yes, now that you mention it. I'm
rather gifted with Memory Charms.
Otherwise, you see, all those
wizards would've gone blabbing and
I'd never have sold another book.
I'm afraid I'll have to do the
same to you both, lest you do the
same.
Lockhart lifts his wand, but Harry is quicker.
(CONTINUED)
116.
128 CONTINUED: (2) 128
HARRY
Expelliarmus!
Lockhart BLASTS backwards, toppling into one of the open
trunks, his wand flying across the floor.
HARRY
Looks like those Dueling Lessons
came in handy after all,
Professor.
129 OMITTED 129
130 INT. GIRLS' BATHROOM - NIGHT 130
Lockhart walks ahead of Harry and Ron, their wands
pointed at him. Moaning Myrtle floats above the cistern.
MOANING MYRTLE
Who's there? Oh...
(smiles, flirty)
Hello, Harry. What do you want?
HARRY
To ask you how you died.
MOANING MYRTLE
(flattered)
Oooooh, it was dreadful. It
happened right here. In this very
cubicle. I'd hidden because Olive
Hornby was teasing me about my
glasses. I was crying, and then I
heard somebody come in.
HARRY
Who was it, Myrtle?
MOANING MYRTLE
I don't know! I was distraught!
But they said something funny. A
kind of made-up language. And I
realized it was a boy speaking.
So I unlocked the door, to tell
him to go away, and... I died.
HARRY
Just like that? How?
(CONTINUED)
117.
130 CONTINUED: 130
MOANING MYRTLE
No idea. I just remember seeing a
pair of great big yellow eyes.
Over there...
Myrtle points to the bank of sinks. Harry and Ron hurry
over, examining the pipes below, the tile above, then...
Harry sees it: etched on one of the COPPER TAPS is a
TINY SNAKE.
HARRY
This is it, Ron. This is the
entrance to the Chamber of
Secrets.
RON
Say something, Harry. Say
something in Parseltongue.
Harry stares off self-consciously at the tiny snake.
HARRY
Open up.
Ron shakes his head. Harry's spoken in his regular
voice.
RON
English.
Harry concentrates harder this time, staring so intensely
that the snake almost looks alive. When, finally, he
speaks, it is more like a HISS. Parseltongue. The
circular group of sinks OPEN and a LARGE, OPEN PIPE is
exposed.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Excellent, Harry. Good work.
Well then. I'll just be going.
There's no need for me...
HARRY
Oh, yes there is. You first.
Harry points his wand at Lockhart, then the opening.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Now, boys. What good will it do?
RON
A bloody lot of good if it's a
two-hundred-foot drop onto jagged
rocks.
(CONTINUED)
118.
130 CONTINUED: (2) 130
Lockhart steps grimly to the dark, gaping hole. Ron
gives him a shove and he topples headfirst and out of
sight. They wait. Finally...
GILDEROY LOCKHART (O.S.)
It's really quite filthy down
here.
HARRY
All right. Let's go.
MOANING MYRTLE
Oh, Harry... if you die down
there, you're welcome to share my
toilet.
HARRY
Thanks, Myrtle.
Harry turns. Jumps. Seconds later, Ron follows.
131 INT. PIPE - NIGHT 131
Harry and Ron slide wicked fast, in a hair-raising
vertical plummet, catching glimpses of other, smaller
pipes branching off in all directions, twisting and
turning until the pipe levels off, dumps them onto the
damp floor of a stone tunnel.
132 INT. TUNNEL - NIGHT 132
Lockhart stares miserably at the muck dripping from his
robes. Harry takes a TORCH from the wall, poises his
wand.
HARRY
Lumos!
The torch blooms with a BRIGHT ORANGE FLAME.
HARRY
Remember. Any sign of movement,
close your eyes straight away.
Harry leads the way down the tunnel. CRUNCH! They look
down: a rat's skull. All around them, the ground is
littered with TINY SKELETONS. Ron squints, sees
something HUGE and CURVED lying ahead. When he speaks,
his voice is hollow with dread.
(CONTINUED)
119.
132 CONTINUED: 132
RON
What's that? Up ahead?
GILDEROY LOCKHART
That looks like a... snake.
Terrified, Lockhart quickly HIDES HIS EYES.
HARRY
Maybe it's asleep.
Ron draws his wand as they approach, squinting. Harry
shines his light, revealing... a gigantic COIL of EMPTY
SKIN.
RON
Bloody hell. Whatever shed this
must be twenty feet long. Or
more.
THUD! They turn. Lockhart has passed out.
RON
Heart of a lion, this one.
Ron kneels by him, when... Lockhart's eyes open and,
quick as a fox... he snatches Ron's wand and scrambles to
his feet.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
The adventure ends here, boys!
But don't fret. The world will
know our story. How I was too
late to save the girl. How you
two tragically lost your minds at
the sight of her mangled body.
I'll even bind a limited edition
in this snake skin. Say goodbye
to your memories.
(raising Ron's wand)
Obliviate!
Ron's WAND EXPLODES like a small BOMB, BLASTING Lockhart
OFF HIS FEET and SPITTING great JETS of FIRE into the
rock above. As RUBBLE RAINS, Ron LEAPS one way and Harry
the other. Harry sits up, squints through the settling
dust. A SOLID WALL of BROKEN ROCK seals the tunnel
between him and Ron. INTERCUT Harry and Ron.
HARRY
Ron? Are you okay?
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 2/19/02 120.
132 CONTINUED: (2) 132
RON
I'm okay. This git's not, though.
He got blasted by my wand.
Lockhart sits up, dazed. Ron picks up a rock and CONKS
him on the head. Lockhart PASSES OUT. Ron calls to
Harry.
RON
What now?
HARRY
Wait here. I'll go on. I'll go
on and... find Ginny. If I'm not
back in an hour...
He leaves it there.
RON
I'll try and shift some of this
rock. So you can get back
through. And, Harry --
HARRY
See you in a bit.
Harry glances at the snake skin at his feet, moves off.
He steps carefully through the shadows until he reaches a
TOWERING STONE WALL, carved with TWIN SERPENTS.
HARRY
(Parseltongue)
Open.
The serpents part and the GIANT WALL SLIDES OPEN. Harry
removes his wand and ENTERS.
133 INT. CHAMBER OF SECRETS - NIGHT 133
A vast chamber stretches ahead. Along the path are rows
of STONE SERPENTS. The serpents rest in pools of black
water. Ahead is an enormous STATUE of SALAZAR SLYTHERIN.
Several feet in front of the statue, Ginny Weasley lies
motionless. As Harry dashes and takes her into his arms,
her head lolls to one side, cheeks white as marble. A
pale hand clutches TOM RIDDLE'S DIARY to her chest.
Harry DROPS the torch, RACES to Ginny, places his wand on
the floor and kneels beside her. (BOLD ITALICS INDICATE
POSSIBLE FLASHBACKS.)
HARRY
Ginny! Please don't be dead.
Wake up! Wake up!
Ginny!
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 2/19/02 121.
133 CONTINUED: 133
TOM RIDDLE
She won't wake.
Harry spins. Tom Riddle stands nearby. He is strangely
BLURRED around the edges, as though Harry was looking at
him through a misted window.
HARRY
Tom... Tom Riddle? What d'you
mean, she won't wake? She's
not...
TOM RIDDLE
She's still alive. But only just.
HARRY
Are you a ghost?
TOM RIDDLE
A memory. Preserved in a diary
for fifty years.
Harry looks to the diary in Ginny's hand, then places his
own hand on Ginny's arm.
HARRY
She's cold as ice. You've got
to help me, Tom. There's a
basilisk --
TOM RIDDLE
It won't come until it's called.
Harry looks up, sees Riddle twirling a wand in his
fingers.
HARRY
Give me my wand, Tom.
TOM RIDDLE
You won't be needing it.
HARRY
Listen, we've got to go! We've
got to save her!
TOM RIDDLE
I'm afraid I can't do that, Harry.
You see, as poor Ginny grows
weaker... I grow stronger.
HARRY
But she's dying!
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 2/19/02 122.
133 CONTINUED: (2) 133
TOM RIDDLE
Yes. I'm afraid so. But then,
she's been in so much pain, poor
Ginny. She's been writing to me
for months, telling me all her
pitiful worries and woes. Ginny
poured her soul out to me. I grew
stronger on a diet of her deepest
fears, her darkest secrets. I
grew powerful enough to start
feeding Ginny a few secrets, to
start pouring a bit of my soul
back into her...
Riddle, growing less vaporous by the second, grins
cruelly.
TOM RIDDLE
Yes, Harry, it was Ginny Weasley
who opened the Chamber of Secrets.
HARRY
No... she couldn't -- she
wouldn't.
TOM RIDDLE
It was Ginny who set the Basilisk
on the Mudbloods and the Squib's
cat. Ginny who wrote threatening
messages on the walls.
HARRY
But... Why?...
TOM RIDDLE
Because I told her to. You'll
find that I can be very
persuasive. Not that she knew
what she was doing. She was,
shall we say, in a kind of trance.
Still, the power of the diary
began to scare her and she tried
to dispose of it in the girls'
bathroom. But then, who should
find it... but you. The very
person I was most anxious to meet.
HARRY
(getting angry)
And why did you want to meet me?
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 2/19/02 123.
133 CONTINUED: (3) 133
TOM RIDDLE
Ginny told me all about you. I
knew I had to talk to you, meet
you if I could. So I decided to
show you my capture of that
brainless oaf, Hagrid, to gain
your trust.
HARRY
Hagrid's my friend. And you
framed him, didn't you?
TOM RIDDLE
It was my word against Hagrid's.
Only Dumbledore seemed to think
Hagrid was innocent.
HARRY
I'll bet Dumbledore saw right
through you.
TOM RIDDLE
I knew it wouldn't be safe to open
the Chamber again while I was
still at school. So I decided to
leave behind a diary, preserving
my sixteen-year-old self in its
pages, so that one day... I would
be able to lead another to finish
Salazar Slytherin's noble work.
HARRY
Well, you haven't finished it this
time. In a few hours Mandrake
Draught will be ready and everyone
who was petrified will be all
right again.
TOM RIDDLE
Haven't I told you, that killing
Mudbloods doesn't matter to me
anymore? For many months now, my
new target has been... you.
(grinning)
Imagine my disappointment when I
learned Ginny had stolen the diary
back from you.
HARRY
Ginny stole the diary from my
room? But why?
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 2/19/02 124.
133 CONTINUED: (4) 133
TOM RIDDLE
She was afraid. Afraid you'd
learn how to work the diary.
Afraid I'd tell you just who it
was that had been strangling all
those roosters.
Horrified, Harry glances at Ginny, growing more PALE,
then back to Riddle, who is growing more SOLID.
TOM RIDDLE
Come now, Harry. Don't look so
disappointed. Had Ginny succeeded
in destroying the diary, she would
have destroyed me. And we
couldn't be having this little
talk. And I have so many
questions for you.
HARRY
Like what?
TOM RIDDLE
Well, how is it that a baby with
no extraordinary magical talent
managed to defeat the greatest
wizard of all time? How did you
escape with nothing but a scar,
while Lord Voldemort's powers were
destroyed?
HARRY
Why do you care how I escaped?
Voldemort was after your time.
TOM RIDDLE
Voldemort is my past, present and
future.
Riddle pulls Harry's wand from his pocket and begins to
trace it through the air, writing three words: "TOM
MARVOLO RIDDLE." Then, with a wave, he re-arranges them:
"I AM LORD VOLDEMORT."
HARRY
You. You're the heir of
Slytherin. You're Voldemort?
TOM RIDDLE
Surely you didn't think I would
keep my filthy Muggle father's
name?
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 2/19/02 125.
133 CONTINUED: (5) 133
TOM RIDDLE (CONT'D)
No, I fashioned myself a new name,
a name I knew wizards everywhere
would one day fear to speak, when
I became the greatest sorcerer in
the world.
HARRY
Albus Dumbledore is the greatest
sorcerer in the world!
TOM RIDDLE
Dumbledore's been driven out of
this castle by the mere memory of
me.
HARRY
He'll never be gone! Not as long
as those who remain are loyal to
him!
Suddenly, MUSIC... EERIE and UNEARTHLY... ECHOES deep
within the chamber and a small, swift SHADOW ribbons over
the rock. Flying from above is FAWKES, the Phoenix. The
bird SWOOPS into the chamber, clutching a RAGGED BUNDLE
in its golden talons.
HARRY
Fawkes.
Fawkes flies toward Harry, drops the ragged bundle, which
is the SORTING HAT, at his feet. Riddle picks it up.
TOM RIDDLE
(giggling)
This is what Dumbledore sends his
defender! A songbird and an old
hat!
Riddle tosses aside the hat. He turns to the statue of
Salazar Slytherin and speaks in Parseltongue.
TOM RIDDLE
(Parseltongue)
Speak to me, Slytherin.
Suddenly, the stone face's MOUTH OPENS. There is a
RUMBLING SOUND, followed by the sound of SLITHERING.
Harry turns away. The Basilisk, A GIANT SERPENT, spills
out, uncoiling heavily to the floor. Harry turns to the
wall. The shadow of the serpent is visible on the wall.
PAN TO Tom Riddle, looking at Harry.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 2/21/02 126.
133 CONTINUED: (6) 133
TOM RIDDLE
Let's match the powers of Lord
Voldemort, Heir of Salazar
Slytherin, against the famous
Harry Potter, shall we?
Riddle turns, to serpent, speaking in Parseltongue.
TOM RIDDLE
(Parseltongue)
Kill him!
The HISSING SERPENT shoots forward. Harry turns, RUNS away.
TOM RIDDLE
Parseltongue won't save you now,
Potter. The Basilisk only obeys me.
HARRY
(to himself)
Don't look. Don't look into its
eyes.
Harry RACES along the stone path, but the giant serpent
is FASTER. Harry TRIPS. FALLS. The Basilisk RISES.
Harry looks to the wall, sees the serpent about to strike.
Suddenly FAWKES SCREECHES, soaring toward the Basilisk
and circling its blunt head, confusing it. The SNAKE
SNAPS furiously, when... Fawkes drops like a knife,
driving its talons deep into the serpent's glittering
eyes.
As Harry watches the angry play of shadows on the wall,
the BASILISK ROARS, HISSING in pain. Fawkes wings away,
its talons dripping with blood and Harry turns, LOOKS:
the Basilisk's eyes are a blind, bloody mess.
TOM RIDDLE
Fool! Think you're safe! It can
still hear you!
As Harry flees, the serpent thunders after, STRIKING
BLINDLY as its whipping tail SHATTERS a Slytherin STATUE.
Harry dodges and ducks, then, seeing the snake about to
strike again... LEAPS CLEAR, stumbling toward a SIDE
TUNNEL.
133A INT. CHAMBER OF SECRETS - SIDE TUNNEL - NIGHT 133A
Harry RACES HEADLONG into the shadows, then looks back,
sees the snake eclipse the light at the far end of the
tunnel and SLITHER QUICKLY inside.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 2/19/02 126A.
133A CONTINUED: 133A
Thinking, Harry DUCKS INTO AN ALCOVE, puts his hand over
his mouth and waits, desperate to remain STILL and
SILENT. The snake slides heavily by, then... SLOWS.
TURNS BACK.
The snake's head weaves inside, only INCHES from Harry's
face. Harry trembles as the snake's head cocks to the
side, then... finally... WITHDRAWS.
133B INT. CHAMBER OF SECRETS - NIGHT 133B
Harry DASHES back into the main chamber. Ginny looks
frighteningly pale. Riddle GRINS cruelly, almost SOLID
now.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 3/1/02 127.
133B CONTINUED: 133B
TOM RIDDLE
Yes, Potter. The process is
nearly complete. In a few
minutes, Ginny Weasley will be
dead. And I will cease to be a
memory. Lord Voldemort will
return. Very much... alive.
Harry moves toward Ginny, then suddenly... the BASILISK
SHOOTS OUT of the TUNNEL, HISSING directly in front of
Harry. Trapped, Harry glances around, then --
impulsively -- LEAPS upward, begins to scale the statue
of Salazar Slytherin. The serpent strikes madly, but
Harry continues on, CLIMBING BOLDLY until he reaches the
top. He turns. Sees the Sorting Hat. Sees what
glitters within: the RUBY HANDLE of a SWORD.
Harry WHEELS, sword in hand, and fends off the slashing
serpent like St. George and the dragon. In a mad rush of
courage, he PITCHES HIMSELF onto the serpent, SLIDES DOWN
its back and rolls up, SWORD RAISED. Too tired to flee,
Harry simply waits. The serpent rises and, FANGS
BARED... STRIKES.
Marshalling every ounce of strength left to him, Harry
drives the sword upward, deep into the roof of the
SERPENT'S mouth. It HISSES in PAIN, thrashing MADLY as
it drives a FANG into Harry's arm. Harry clutches his
arm in agony, stumbles back and falls to the floor,
watching as the serpent THRASHES briefly... then goes
STILL.
Harry peers down, sees the FANG that pierces his arm, the
blood soaking slowly into his robe. As he yanks the fang
free, Riddle steps forward, almost fully whole now. His
eyes shine at the sight of Harry's wound.
TOM RIDDLE
Remarkable, isn't it? How quickly
the venom of the Basilisk
penetrates the body? If you have
any final words, Potter, you'd
best speak them now. I'd guess
you have little more than a minute
to live.
Harry blinks heavily, watching as the skin of his forearm
turns a troubling gray.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 3/1/02 127A.
133B CONTINUED: (1A) 133B
TOM RIDDLE
So ends the famous Harry Potter.
On his knees in the Chamber of
Secrets. Defeated at last by the
Dark Lord he so unwisely
challenged. You'll be back with
your dear Mudblood mother soon,
Harry...
As Riddle talks, Harry glances at Ginny, nearly white
now, a small ghost, the only evidence of life the
TREMBLING OF A SINGLE FINGER. Harry studies the finger
and what lies beneath it: Tom Riddle's diary. Harry
begins to crawl toward her.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 4/16/02 128.
133B CONTINUED: (2) 133B
TOM RIDDLE
Funny, isn't it? The damage a
silly little book can do?
Especially in the hands of a silly
little girl.
As Harry reaches Ginny, he places his hand on hers,
then... slips the diary free.
TOM RIDDLE
What are you doing? No. Stop...
Riddle's face creases in fear. He LUNGES FORWARD. But
Harry is too quick. Raising his hand high... he PLUNGES
THE FANG into the book. Instantly, BLACK INK SPURTS from
the pages.
TOM RIDDLE
No!
Riddle SHRIEKS, writhing in pain. His body begins to
wither instantly, growing BLURRY once more. As the ink
runs off Harry's fingers to the floor, Riddle VANISHES
altogether. Harry sinks back, then... hears a FAINT
MOAN. Ginny STIRS, color blooming in her cheeks. As she
sees Harry, she SOBS.
GINNY
Harry. It was me! But I swear, I
didn't mean to... Riddle made me.
He wrote to me... took me over...
I didn't even know whose diary it
was. I found it inside my
cauldron. The day we all went to
Diagon Alley and... Harry. You're
hurt...
HARRY
Ginny. You need to get yourself
out... Follow the chamber...
You'll find Ron...
There is a RUSH OF WINGS and Fawkes circles down, lays
his head onto Harry's arm.
HARRY
You were brilliant, Fawkes. I
just... wasn't quick enough.
Then Harry blinks, looks down. Thick pearly TEARS are
trickling down Fawkes' face and onto his arm. Almost
instantly, his wound... begins to heal itself.
(CONTINUED)
129.
133B CONTINUED: (3) 133B
HARRY
Of course. Dumbledore told me.
Phoenix tears have healing powers.
(looking up at Ginny)
It's all right, Ginny. It's over.
It's just a memory...
134 INT. TUNNEL - NIGHT (LATER) 134
With Fawkes gliding gracefully ahead of them, Harry and
Ginny make their way back. Up ahead, SHIFTING ROCK can
be heard and a jagged fissure of LIGHT GLIMMERS. Ron's
face appears.
RON
Ginny!
Ron wriggles through, rushes forward and hugs Ginny.
RON
You're alive. I can't believe it.
GINNY
I'm going to be expelled, I just
know it!
RON
(to Harry)
Remind you of anyone?
HARRY
Where's Lockhart?
Harry eyes Lockhart, sitting by himself, HUMMING
placidly.
RON
His Memory Charm backfired.
Hasn't got a clue who he is. I
keep having to stop him wandering
off. He's a danger to himself.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Hello. Odd sort of place, this,
isn't it? Do you live here?
RON
No.
Ron turns, raises his eyebrows at Harry. Harry looks
upward. There is an opening, hundreds of feet up. Just
then, Fawkes circles back, fluttering in front of Harry.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 4/16/02 130.
134 CONTINUED: 134
RON
What's with the bird?
HARRY
I think... I think he's telling me
he can take us out of here.
134A INT. ROCKY TUNNEL - NIGHT (LATER) 134A
A CURIOUS, GLIDING SHADOW RIPPLES across the cavernous
wall, and then Harry, Ron, Ginny and Lockhart soar out of
the darkness, linked hand in hand. Fawkes is flying them
home.
GILDEROY LOCKHART
Amazing! This is just like magic!
134B OMITTED 134B
135 INT. DUMBLEDORE'S OFFICE - DAY 135
Harry and Ron, covered in muck and slime -- stand in
Dumbledore's office. Fawkes perches on a pedestal behind
Dumbledore, who sits at his desk, examining the charred
diary. He looks up, regarding Harry and Ron gravely.
DUMBLEDORE
Ingenious. Simply... ingenious.
(looking up)
Of course, Tom Riddle was probably
the most brilliant student
Hogwarts has ever seen. I taught
him myself fifty years ago. After
he left, I would occasionally hear
stories of his activities -- dark
rumors -- but after awhile, even
the rumors stopped. When he
finally resurfaced as Lord
Voldemort, most people had
completely forgotten the clever
Head Boy he'd once been.
GINNY
I didn't know whose diary it was,
sir. I swear. I found it inside
my cauldron.
(to the others)
The day we all went to Diagon
Alley.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 4/17/02 131.
135 CONTINUED: 135
Hearing this, Harry frowns in thought, recollecting...
GINNY
But I understand if... given all
the trouble I've caused... if
you --
DUMBLEDORE
Wiser wizards than you have been
hoodwinked by Lord Voldemort, Miss
Weasley. No, I think you've
endured enough. I would suggest a
bit of bed rest, however. And
perhaps a large mug of hot
chocolate. I always find that
cheers me up. Minerva, will you
show Arthur and Molly up to the
hospital wing?
PROFESSOR McGONAGALL
Certainly, Albus.
As they exit, Harry and Ron watch them go. Mrs.
Weasley's VOICE carries:
MRS. WEASLEY
A diary that writes back to you!
Honestly, Ginny! What were you
thinking? Haven't I always told
you? Never trust anything that
can think for itself if you can't
see where it keeps its brain!
Harry and Ron turn back. See Dumbledore regarding them
gravely.
DUMBLEDORE
You two realize, of course, that
in the last few hours, you have
broken perhaps a dozen school
rules?
HARRY/RON
Yes, sir.
DUMBLEDORE
And that there is sufficient
evidence to expel you both?
HARRY/RON
Yes, sir.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 4/17/02 131A.
135 CONTINUED: (1A) 135
DUMBLEDORE
Therefore, it seems only
fitting...
(eyes twinkling)
That you both receive Special
Awards for Services to the School.
And -- let me see -- yes, I think
two hundred points apiece, which,
I believe, should be more than
enough to secure Gryffindor the
House Cup.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 4/16/02 132.
135 CONTINUED: (2) 135
HARRY/RON
(grinning)
Thank you, sir.
DUMBLEDORE
Now, Mr. Weasley, if you would,
have an owl deliver these release
papers to Azkaban. We need our
gamekeeper back.
Ron nods, takes the envelope and exits.
DUMBLEDORE
First, Harry, I want to thank you.
You must have shown me real
loyalty down in the Chamber.
Nothing but that could have called
Fawkes to you. Secondly, I sense
you're troubled by something. Am
I right?
HARRY
It's just, you see, sir, I
couldn't help noticing certain
things. Certain similarities.
Between Tom Riddle and me.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 3/1/02 133.
135 CONTINUED: (3) 135
DUMBLEDORE
You can speak Parseltongue, Harry,
because Lord Voldemort can speak
Parseltongue. Unless I'm much
mistaken, he transformed some of
his own powers to you the night he
gave you that scar.
HARRY
Voldemort put a bit of himself in
me?
DUMBLEDORE
Not intentionally, but... yes.
HARRY
So the Sorting Hat was right. I
should be a Slytherin.
DUMBLEDORE
It's true, Harry. You do possess
many of the qualities Voldemort
himself prizes. Resourcefulness.
Determination. A certain
disregard for the rules. Yet the
Sorting Hat placed you in
Gryffindor.
HARRY
Only because I asked it to.
DUMBLEDORE
Exactly. Which makes you very
different from Voldemort. It's
not our abilities that show what
we truly are, Harry. It's our
choices.
(smiling at him)
If you want proof that you belong
in Gryffindor, Harry, I suggest
you look more closely at this.
Dumbledore hands the bloodstained sword to Harry. An
ENGRAVED NAME glimmers above the ruby-encrusted hilt.
HARRY
'Godric Gryffindor.'
DUMBLEDORE
Only a true Gryffindor could have
pulled that out of the Hat.
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 3/1/02 134.
135 CONTINUED: (4) 135
Suddenly, Lucius Malfoy enters, dragging... Dobby by the
ear.
HARRY
Dobby! This is your Master? The
family you serve is the Malfoys!
Dobby nods, chagrined. Lucius Malfoy brushes past Harry.
LUCIUS MALFOY
Out of my way, Potter.
(to Dumbledore)
So! You've returned!
DUMBLEDORE
Yes. When the governors heard
that Arthur Weasley's daughter had
been taken into the Chamber, they
saw fit to summon me back.
(a wry smile)
Curiously, several of them seemed
under the impression that you
would curse their families if they
didn't agree to suspend me in the
first place, Lucius.
LUCIUS MALFOY
From the beginning, my only
concern has been the welfare of
this school and its students.
I assume the culprit has been
identified.
DUMBLEDORE
Oh yes. It was Voldemort. Only
this time, he chose to act through
someone else. By means of...
this.
As Dumbledore nudges the diary toward Lucius Malfoy,
Harry sees Dobby nod meaningfully from the diary to
Lucius.
DUMBLEDORE
Fortunately, our young Mr. Potter
discovered it.
(a chill to his voice)
One only hopes that no more of
Lord Voldemort's old school things
find their way into innocent
hands. The consequences for the
one responsible could be...
severe.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 3/1/02 135.
135 CONTINUED: (5) 135
Lucius Malfoy stares icily at Dumbledore, then turns
away.
LUCIUS MALFOY
Come, Dobby. We're leaving.
As Dobby scuttles toward the door, Lucius Malfoy KICKS
HIM through it, then exits himself. Harry stares at the
empty doorway as DOBBY'S PAINFUL SQUEALS ECHO from the
corridor.
HARRY
Sir? I wonder if I could have
that.
Dumbledore looks up, follows Harry's eyes to the diary.
135A EXT. DUMBLEDORE'S OFFICE - DAY (MOMENTS LATER) 135A
As the elevator opens, Harry dashes out.
HARRY
Mr. Malfoy! I have something of
yours.
Harry comes up running, thrusts the diary into Malfoy's
hand.
LUCIUS MALFOY
Mine? I don't know what you're
talking about.
HARRY
I think you do, sir. I think you
slipped it into Ginny Weasley's
cauldron that day in Diagon Alley.
Malfoy shoves the diary into Dobby's face, then leans
close to Harry and, with a nasty grin, WHISPERS:
LUCIUS MALFOY
Prove it!
He turns away. As Dobby looks sadly back, clutching the
diary in his hand, Harry mouths the words: Open it.
Dobby looks down curiously. Inside... is a SOCK. He
GASPS.
LUCIOUS MALFOY
Dobby!
Dobby, come!
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 4/3/02 136.
135A CONTINUED: 135A
DOBBY
(in wonderment)
Master has given Dobby a sock.
Master has presented Dobby with
clothes. Dobby is... free!
LUCIUS MALFOY
What? I didn't --
He wheels, sees Harry standing with one leg crossed: His
right ankle is bare. Instantly, Malfoy charges forth.
LUCIUS MALFOY
You've lost me my servant!
DOBBY
You shall not harm Harry Potter!
Dobby steps between and -- BANG! Malfoy flies backwards,
lands in a crumpled heap. Rising, he stares murderously
at Harry.
LUCIUS MALFOY
Mark my words, Harry Potter.
You'll meet the same sticky end as
your parents one of these days.
They were meddlesome fools too.
With that, he turns, storms off.
DOBBY
Harry Potter freed Dobby! How can
Dobby ever repay him?
HARRY
Just promise me something.
DOBBY
Anything, sir.
HARRY
Never try to save my life again.
Dobby grins then and -- CRACK! -- is gone.
136 OMITTED 136
137 INT. GREAT HALL - NIGHT 137
Fear and suspicion banished, the House tables abuzz with
excitement and anticipation... all except the Slytherins,
who do not share the general feeling.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 4/3/02 137.
137 CONTINUED: 137
Seated at the tables, are the formerly petrified, revived
students. Justin Finch-Fletchley joins his fellow
Hufflepuffs. Colin Creevey SNAPS photos of the
proceedings.
At the rear of the hall, standing near the entrance,
Filch is reunited with Mrs. Norris. Then... Hermione
enters, searching the room for Harry and Ron. Finally,
she sees them. Smiles. Runs forward and embraces Harry.
HERMIONE
You solved it! You solved it!
HARRY
With loads of help from you.
She turns to embrace Ron. They pause, an awkward moment
between them and... shake hands instead.
RON
Welcome back, Hermione.
McGonagall taps her goblet. Dumbledore stands.
DUMBLEDORE
Before we begin our feast, let's
give a round of applause to
Professor Sprout and Madame
Pomfrey, whose Mandrake Juice has
been successfully administered to
all those who had been petrified.
Everyone applauds.
DUMBLEDORE
Also, in the wake of recent
events, as a school treat, all
exams have been cancelled.
Everyone cheers, save for Hermione.
HERMIONE
Oh, no!
At the rear of the Hall, the great doors OPEN. It's
Hagrid. He enters. Stops. Looks around. The room
falls SILENT. All eyes upon him. He glances around.
Nervous. Embarrassed.
HAGRID
Sorry I'm late. The owl deliverin'
my release papers got all lost 'n
confused. Some ruddy bird named
Errol.
(CONTINUED)
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Rev. 4/3/02 138.
137 CONTINUED: (2) 137
Ron exchanges a nervous glance with Dumbledore. Hagrid
looks at all of the faces staring at him. He turns to
Harry.
HAGRID
I jus' want to say... that if it
wasn't fer' you, Harry... you an'
Ron... and Hermione... Well, I
jus' want to say... Thanks.
HARRY
There's no Hogwarts without you,
Hagrid.
Just then... Dumbledore gets to his feet and... slowly...
brings his hands together. The others join him. Soon,
everyone is on their feet and the Hall ROARING. As the
students surround Hagrid, he blinks, wipes at his eyes,
and...
CAMERA PULLS BACK, THROUGH the window, leaving the
celebration. WE CONTINUE TO CRANE BACK... BACK... TO a
WIDE SHOT OF HOGWARTS... glittering gloriously in the
night.Simba: Toy Story!
-- Andy places Woody on the top of the stairwell banister
allowing the doll to slide downstairs. Andy races ahead and
catches him at the bottom.
INT. DOWNSTAIRS LIVING ROOM
-- Andy & Woody fall into the La-Z-Boy chair and spin around
and around.
Next, Andy uses the La-Z-Boy foot rest as a catapult.
Andy flings Woody across the room to the sofa.
ANDY
(raising his arms)
Score!
SONG ENDS
Woody lies limp on the sofa while Andy is heard talking to
his mother.
ANDY (O.S.)
Wow! Cool!
MRS. DAVIS (O.S.)
Whadda ya think?
ANDY (O.S.)
Oh, this looks GREAT, Mom!
ANGLE: THE ADJOINING DINING ROOM
MRS. DAVIS, Andy's thirty eight-year-old mom, has just
finished decorating the area with streamers and balloons. A
banner is draped across the archway. It reads: "Happy
Birthday Andy."
Woody's frozen face stares in the direction of the birthday
decorations.
ANDY
Can we leave this up 'til we move?
MRS. DAVIS
Well, sure, we can leave it up.
ANDY
Yeah!
MRS. DAVIS
Now go get Molly. Your friends are
going to be here any minute.
ANDY
Okay.
Andy picks up Woody from the couch and runs upstairs.
ANDY
It's party time, Woody!
INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Andy and Woody enter the room. Molly is still banging
Potato Head against her crib railing. Andy tips Woody's hat
at her.
ANDY
Howdy, Little Lady!
He deposits Woody on the bed and pulls his string one last
time.
WOODY (VOICE BOX)
Somebody's poisoned the waterhole.
ANDY
(picking up Molly)
C'mon, Molly. Oh, you're getting
heavy!
(to Woody)
See ya later, Woody.
Andy exits.
END TITLES
Woody's eyes come to life. The cowboy doll sits up, his
expression changing from a smile to worry.
WOODY
(to himself)
Pull my string! The birthday
party's today?!
Woody thinks.
WOODY
(to the room)
Okay, everybody. Coast is clear.
The bedroom comes alive. TOYS emerge from the toy box, the
closet, the shelves, etc... in a flurry of activity.
POTATO HEAD, his body parts strewn across the floor, sits
himself upright and begins to re-assemble himself.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Ages three and up. It's on my box.
Ages three and up! I'm not
supposed to be babysitting Princess
Drool.
HAMM, the piggy bank, flips one last penny into his coin
slot. Potato Head walks up to him. All his facial pieces
are in the wrong slots.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Hey, Hamm! Look! I'm Picasso!
HAMM
I don't get it.
Hamm walks away.
MR. POTATO HEAD
You uncultured swine!
(to someone O.S.)
What are you looking at, ya hockey
puck?!
Potato Head walks past, revealing a hockey puck figurine.
Woody sits on the edge of the bed observing all the activity.
He turns to a plastic green army man, SARGENT, standing on
the night stand.
WOODY
Uh, hey Sarge, have you seen Slinky?
SARGENT
(saluting)
Sir! No Sir!
WOODY
Okay, thank you. At ease.
Woody hops off the bed.
WOODY
Hey, Slinky?
SLINKY (O.S.)
Right here, Woody!
A toy Slinky dog, SLINKY, appears from under the bed pushing
out a checker board set. He begins to place the checkers on
the board.
SLINKY
I'm red this time.
WOODY
No, Slink --
SLINKY
Oh...well alright, you can be red
if you want.
WOODY
Not now, Slink. I've got some bad
news.
SLINKY
Bad news?!
WOODY
Sh-h-h-h-h!!
Woody covers up Slinky's mouth, aware that the other toys in
the room are watching. He leans in close to Slinky.
WOODY
(whispering)
Just gather everyone up for a staff
meeting and be happy!!
SLINKY
Got it.
Slinky shuffles off.
WOODY
Be HAPPY!
Slinky perks up his gait and LAUGHS HARD.
Woody proceeds in the other direction. He passes a toy
ROBOT and SNAKE partially hidden under the bedspread.
WOODY
(to the room)
Staff meeting, everybody.
(aside)
Snake, Robot -- podium duty.
Robot and Snake come out from under the bed and reluctantly
follow Woody.
Woody walks past an Etch-A-Sketch, ETCH, going the other
direction.
WOODY
Hey Etch! Draw!
Both Etch and Woody whip around like gunfighters.
Before Woody can fully extend his arm out, the Etch-A-Sketch
etches a gun on its screen.
WOODY
(pretending to be shot)
Oh!! You got me again, Etch! You've
been working on that draw. Fastest
knobs in the west.
Slinky passes a group of toys on the floor.
SLINKY
Got a staff meeting, you guys, come
on, let's go!
Robot and Snake begin constructing a podium made out of
Legos and a Tinker Toy tub while Woody searches the floor.
WOODY
Now where is that -- ? Aw, hey,
who moved my doodle pad way over here?
Woody spots the doodle pad on the floor by the desk and
walks over to it. As he reaches down to pick it up...
REX, the plastic dinosaur, jumps out to scare Woody.
REX
ROOAAAARR!!!
WOODY
(unaffected)
Oh, how ya doin', Rex?
Rex suddenly turns timid.
REX
Were you scared? Tell me honestly.
WOODY
I was close to being scared that time.
Woody heads back to the podium. Rex follows.
REX
I'm going for fearsome here, but I
just don't feel it. I think I'm
just coming off as annoying.
A crook suddenly grabs Woody's neck and jerks him towards BO
PEEP, the porcelain figurine.
WOODY
(choking)
Aach! -- Oh, hi, Bo.
BO PEEP
I wanted to thank you, Woody, for
saving my flock.
WOODY
(blushing)
Oh, hey - it was nothing.
BO PEEP
Whadda ya say I get someone else to
watch the sheep tonight?
WOODY
(very flustered)
Heh, heh...oh yeah, uh, I...
Bo saunters back towards her lamp stand, passing a stack of
ABC blocks.
BO PEEP
Remember, I'm just a couple of
blocks away.
Woody is left lovestruck.
All the rest of the toys in the room are filing past Slinky.
SLINKY
Come on, come on! Smaller toys up
front.
Woody remains lovestruck in the middle of the room.
SLINKY
Hey, Woody! C'mon!
Woody snaps out of his trance and rushes over to the podium.
The toys crowd together as Woody steps up to the podium.
MIKE, a toy tape recorder, waddles up next to Woody and
indicates his microphone.
MIKE
Ahem!
WOODY
(grabbing microphone)
Oh, thanks, Mike.
(to the crowd)
Okay --
SFX: FEEDBACK
WOODY
(to Mike)
Oh, whoa, step back --
Mike waddles back a step to stop the feedback.
WOODY
Hello? Check? Better? Great.
Everybody hear me? Up on the
shelf, can you hear me? Great!
Okay, first item today...oh, yeah.
Has everyone picked a moving buddy?
The toys all MOAN.
HAMM
Moving buddy?! You can't be serious!
REX
Well I didn't know we were supposed
to have one already.
MR. POTATO HEAD
(waving his arm out
its socket)
Do we have to hold hands?
The toys LAUGH and SNICKER.
WOODY
Oh, yeah, you guys think this is a
big joke. We've only got one week
left before the move. I don't want
any toys left behind. A moving
buddy -- if you don't have one, get
one!
(checking the pad)
Alright, next...uh...oh, yes.
Tuesday night's "Plastic Corrosion
Awareness" meeting was, I think, a
big success and we want to thank Mr.
Spell for putting that on for us.
Thank you, Mr. Spell.
The words "You're welcome" scroll across Mr. Spell's display
screen as he speaks.
MR. SPELL
You're welcome.
WOODY
Ok, uh...oh yes. One minor note
here...
(under his breath)
Andy's birthday party's been moved
to today.
(full voice)
Next we have --
The toys all PANIC.
REX
What?! Whadda ya mean, the party's
today?! His birthday's not 'til
next week!!
HAMM
What's going on down there? Is Mom
losing her marbles?!
WOODY
Well, obviously she wanted to have
the party before the move. I'm not
worried. You shouldn't be worried.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Of course Woody ain't worried!
He's been Andy's favorite since
kindergarten!
SLINKY
Hey, hey! Come on, Potato Head!
If Woody says it's all right, then,
well, darnit, it's good enough for
me. Woody has never steered us
wrong before.
While Slinky speaks, Potato Head takes off his mouth and
mimes kissing his own butt.
WOODY
C'mon, guys! Every Christmas and
birthday we go through this.
REX
But what if Andy gets another
dinosaur? A mean one? I just
don't think I can take that kind of
rejection.
WOODY
Hey, listen, no one's getting
replaced. This is Andy we're
talking about.
Woody steps down from the podium and walks towards the crowd.
WOODY
(continued)
It doesn't matter how much we're
played with. What matters is that
we're here for Andy when he needs
us. That's what we're made for.
Right?
Everyone is now looking down, sheepish.
HAMM
Pardon me. I hate to break up the
staff meeting, but THEY'RE HERE!
Birthday guests at three o'clock!
WOODY
Stay calm, everyone!!
Too late. The toys PANIC and stampede over Woody towards
the bedroom window, leaving him alone on the floor.
WOODY
Uh, meeting adjourned.
The toys all crowd around the bedroom window, trying to get
a peek outside.
HAMM
Oh, boy. Will ya take a look at
all those presents?!
MR. POTATO HEAD
I can't see a thing!
Unable to see over the crowd, Potato Head pulls his eyes out
of his head and holds them up over the other toys.
ANGLE: TOY'S POV OF ANDY'S FRONT YARD
CHILDREN file towards the front door carrying presents.
HAMM
Yessir, we're next month's garage
sale fodder for sure.
REX
(panicked)
Any dinosaur-shaped ones?
HAMM
Ah, for crying out loud, they're
all in boxes, you idiot!
The presents keep coming.
REX
They're getting bigger.
SLINKY
Wait! There's a nice little one
over there!
At first, the kid's present appears to be a little box, but
then the kid turns -- the present is four feet long. The
toys SCREAM.
MR. SPELL
Spell the word "trashcan."
REX
We're doomed!
Down on the floor, Woody smacks his hand to his forehead in
surrender.
WOODY
Alright! Alright!
The toys turn inside and look down at Woody.
WOODY
(continued)
If I send out the troops, will you
all calm down?
REX
Yes! Yes! We promise!
WOODY
Okay, save your batteries!
HAMM
Eh, very good, Woody. That's using
the old noodle.
Woody jumps up onto Andy's bed and turns to the Sargent on
the nightstand.
WOODY
Sargent. Establish a recon post
downstairs. Code red. You know
what to do.
SARGENT
Yes SIR!
The green army man hops down to the floor where a "BUCKET O'
SOLDIERS" sits.
SARGENT
Alright men, you heard him. Code
Red! Repeat: We are at Code Red!
Recon plan Charlie. Execute!
Let's move move move!!
THE GREEN ARMY MEN file out of the bucket and march in
formation across the bedroom floor.
INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY
Andy's door creaks open and a lone army man ventures forth
to make sure the coast is clear. Satisfied, he motions for
the others to proceed. Squads of soldiers march into the
hall carrying a baby monitor and a jump rope.
The army men each leapfrog behind the stairway banisters and
hold their positions while the Sargent surveys the scene
below through his binoculars.
ANGLE: SARGENT'S BINOCULAR VIEW OF DOWNSTAIRS
Directly below, Mrs. Davis passes through the hallway
rounding up Andy and all his birthday guests.
MRS. DAVIS
Okay, c'mon kids! Everyone in the
living room. It's almost time for
the presents.
Once Mrs. Davis and the children are out of sight, the
Sargent motions to his men with a silent hand signal.
TWO PARATROOPERS jump out through the railing, parachuting
down to the floor below.
INT. DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
The paratroopers sweep the area with their plastic rifles,
then give the "all clear" sign.
The jump rope is lowered, and more soldiers rappel down.
INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM
The toys race towards the nightstand where Woody has placed
the receiving half of the baby monitor.
WOODY
And this --
(turning on the baby monitor)
-- is how we find out what is in
those presents.
INT. DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY
The green army men march in formation across the floor when
suddenly...
SFX: FOOTSTEPS
Can be heard approaching from behind the connecting kitchen
door. Immediately the Sargent signals for his men to freeze
in their various classic action poses.
MRS. DAVIS (O.S.)
Okay, who's hungry? Here come the
chips. I've got Cool Ranch and
Barbeque --
The door opens and Mrs. Davis' foot comes down hard on top
of a soldier.
MRS. DAVIS
Owww! What in the world -- ? Oh,
I thought I told him to pick these up.
With a sweep of her foot, she brushes the army men out of
her path and continues on to the living room.
INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM
REX
Shouldn't they be there by now?
What's taking them so long?!
WOODY
Hey, these guys are professionals.
They're the best. C'mon, they're
not lying down on the job.
INT. DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY
As soon as Mom is gone, the Sargent motions for his men to
proceed toward a nearby houseplant that looks into the
living room.
The Sargent then notices an injured soldier struggling to
drag himself forward -- a casualty of Mrs. Davis' foot. The
Sargent helps the injured soldier to his feet.
WOUNDED SOLDIER
(moans)
Go on without me. Just go!
SLINKY
A good soldier never leaves a man
behind.
The Sargent motions to the remaining men above. They lower
themselves via jump rope, riding the baby monitor. Once
downstairs, they hustle the baby monitor towards the
houseplant. Suddenly...
A BALL
bounces into the hallway, followed by the sound of footsteps
and kid clamor.
The Sargent, supporting his wounded man, reaches the plant,
right on the heels of the squad with the baby monitor. They
conceal themselves in the house plant just before the
children run by.
INT. DOWNSTAIRS - HOUSE PLANT - CONTINUOUS
While the baby monitor is set in place, A MEDIC evaluates
the wounded soldier and gives the "thumb's up" signal.
The Sargent scans the party with his binoculars.
ANGLE: BINOCULAR VIEW OF BIRTHDAY PRESENTS
The pile of brightly wrapped gifts sits atop the living room
coffee table.
SARGENT (O.S.)
There they are.
INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM
The toys perk up as STATIC suddenly emits from the baby
monitor.
SARGENT (O.S.)
(over monitor)
Come in, Mother Bird, this is Alpha
Bravo.
WOODY
This is it! This is it! Quiet,
quiet, quiet!
SARGENT (O.S.)
(over monitor)
Come in, Mother Bird.
Alright...Andy's opening the first
present now.
MR. POTATO HEAD
(chanting)
Mrs. Potato Head...Mrs. Potato
Head...Mrs. Potato Head...
(off Rex's look)
Hey, I can dream, can't I?
SARGENT (O.S.)
(over monitor)
The bow's coming off...he's ripping
the wrapping paper...it's
a...it's...it's a lunchbox! We've
got a lunchbox, here!
WOODY
A lunchbox?!
MR. POTATO HEAD
A lunchbox...?!
SLINKY
For lunch. Heh heh heh...
SARGENT (O.S.)
(over monitor)
Ok, second present...it appears to
be...okay, it's bed sheets.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Who invited THAT kid?!
INT. LIVING ROOM
ANGLE: BINOCULAR VIEW OF PRESENTS
MATCH DISSOLVE TO:
ANGLE: BINOCULAR VIEW OF A SINGULAR PRESENT
MRS. DAVIS
Oh, only one left.
INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM
SARGENT (O.S.)
(over monitor)
Okay, we're on the last present now...
WOODY
Last present!
SARGENT (O.S.)
(over monitor)
It's a big one...It's a...it's a
boardgame! Repeat! Battleship --
Battleship, the boardgame!
The toys CHEER WITH RELIEF.
HAMM
Yeah, alright!!
Hamm gives Potato Head a congratulatory pat on the back,
sending his facial features flying.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Hey, watch it!
HAMM
Sorry there, old Spudhead.
INT. DOWNSTAIRS - HOUSE PLANT
SARGENT
(to army men)
Mission accomplished. Well done,
men. Pack it up, we're going home.
INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM
WOODY
So did I tell ya? Huh? Nothing to
worry about.
SLINKY
I knew you were right all along,
Woody. Never doubted you for a
second.
INT. DOWNSTAIRS - HOUSE PLANT
The platoon is preparing to exit the plant when...
MRS. DAVIS (O.S.)
Wait a minute. Oooh, what do we
have here?!
The Sargent lifts his binoculars back to his eyes.
ANGLE: BINOCULAR VIEW OF LIVING ROOM
Mrs. Davis can be seen opening the closet and pulling out
another large present.
SARGENT
(indicating the baby monitor)
Wait -- turn that thing back on!
INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
SARGENT (O.S.)
(over monitor)
Come in, Mother Bird, come in,
Mother Bird.
All the toys tense up.
SARGENT (O.S.)
(continued)
Mom has pulled a surprise present
from the closet. Andy's opening it...
INT. DOWNSTAIRS - HOUSE PLANT - CONTINUOUS
SARGENT
He's really excited about this one.
It's a huge package. Oh -- get
out -- one of the kids is in the
way, I can't see...
INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
SARGENT (O.S.)
(from monitor)
...it's...it's a --
The sound of children CHEERING emits from the monitor,
cutting off the Sargent.
REX
It's a WHAT?! WHAT IS IT?!!!
Rex grabs a leg of the nightstand and shakes it, making the
monitor drop to the floor. The impact causes the batteries
to roll out.
REX
Oh, no!
MR. POTATO HEAD
Oh, ya big lizard! Now we'll never
know what it is!
HAMM
(sarcastic)
Way to go, Rex.
Everyone rushes to the fallen monitor. Potato Head tries to
correctly insert the batteries.
WOODY
No, no! Turn 'em around, turn 'em
around!
HAMM
Eh, he's puttin' 'em in backwards!
WOODY
Plus is positive, minus is negative!
Oh, let me!
Woody jumps down off the bed and shoves both Hamm and Potato
Head aside.
INT. LIVING ROOM
ANDY
Let's go to my room, guys!
The kids rush past the houseplant.
SARGENT
(into the monitor)
RED ALERT! RED ALERT! ANDY IS
COMING UPSTAIRS!
INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Woody puts the last battery back in.
WOODY
There.
SARGENT (O.S.)
(over monitor)
Juvenile intrusion! Repeat!
Resume your positions NOW!
WOODY
Andy's coming, everybody! Back to
your places. Hurry!
The toys PANIC and scatter about the room.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Where's my ear? Who's seen my ear?
Did you see my ear?
REX
Outta my way! Here I come, here I
come --
Frantic, Rex slams into a trashcan and falls over.
Everyone scurries to their places as the KIDS' FOOTSTEPS
grow louder.
Woody falls limp in his spot on the bed just as...
Andy's bedroom door flies open and a flood of children's
feet rush in.
FRIEND #1
Hey, look! His lasers light up.
ANDY
Take that, Zurg!
Woody is flung off Andy's pillow and slides, unnoticed, down
the gap between the bed and the back wall.
FRIEND #2
Quick! Make a space! This is
where the spaceship lands.
ANDY
-- and you press his back and he
does a karate-chop action!
MRS. DAVIS (O.S.)
Come on down, guys. It's time for
games! We've got prizes!
ANDY
Oh, yeah!
The kids all run out as fast as they entered, SLAMMING THE
DOOR behind them.
BEAT
The toys slowly come to life and make their way toward the bed.
MR. POTATO HEAD
What is it?
BO PEEP
Can you see it?
SLINKY
What the heck is up there?
REX
Woody? Who's up there with you?
Woody crawls out from under the bed. The toys are shocked
to discover him there.
SLINKY
Woody, what are you doing under the
bed?
WOODY
(composing himself)
Uh-h-h-h...nothing! Uh, nothing.
I'm sure Andy was just a little
excited, that's all. Too much cake
and ice cream, I suppose. It's
just a mistake.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Well, that MISTAKE is sitting in
your spot, Woody.
REX
(GASP!)
Have you been replaced?
WOODY
Hey! What did I tell you earlier?
No one is getting replaced.
The toys give each other a look of doubt.
WOODY
Now let's all be polite, and give
whatever it is up there a nice, big
"Andy's Room" welcome.
Woody climbs slowly up the side of the bed, peeking over the
edge. His eyes widen at the sight of...
BUZZ LIGHTYEAR
We see Buzz as Woody does - an expensive looking space age
action figure, covered with buttons and stickers from head
to toe. The imposing "G.I. Joe-sized" doll stands heroically
in the center of the bed, his back to Woody.
Woody GULPS.
Buzz comes alive and looks around.
ANGLE: BUZZ'S POV THROUGH HIS HELMET
While he scans the bedroom a "DARTH VADER" LIKE BREATHING is
heard.
Buzz eyes it all suspiciously and pushes a button on his chest.
SFX: ELECTRONIC BEEP
BUZZ
Buzz Lightyear to Star Command.
Come in, Star Command.
Nothing. He pushes the button again.
BUZZ
Star Command - come in. Do you
read me?
(to himself)
Why don't they answer?!!
Just then, Buzz catches sight of his ripped packaging. The
box is designed to look like a spaceship.
BUZZ
(GASP)
My ship!!
He runs up to the box and investigates the damage.
BUZZ
Blast! This'll take weeks to repair!
Buzz flips open a plastic compartment on his arm -- his
wrist communicator.
BUZZ
Buzz Lightyear Mission Log.
Stardate 4072: My ship has run off
course en route to sector 12. I've
crash landed on a strange planet.
The impact must have awoken me from
hyper-sleep.
Buzz springs up and down on the squishy surface of the bed.
BUZZ
(into communicator)
Terrain seems a bit unstable...
He taps the sticker of controls on his wrist communicator.
BUZZ
(into communicator)
No read-out yet if the air is
breathable... and there seems to be
no sign of intelligent life
anywhere --
ANGLE: BUZZ'S POV THROUGH HIS HELMET
Woody's face suddenly pops into view.
WOODY
Hello-o-o...
BUZZ
HO-YAAAHH!!!
Buzz jumps back, taking a fighting stance. He presses a
button on his arm that turns on a red "laser beam" light on
his wrist. Buzz aims the red beam on Woody's forehead and
holds it there.
WOODY
Aaaaaaah! Whoa, hey, whoa, did I
frighten you? Didn't mean to.
Sorry. Howdy! My name is Woody
and this is Andy's room. That's
all I wanted to say, and also,
there has been a bit of a mix-up.
This is my spot, see, the bed here --
While Woody is speaking, Buzz notices the sheriff's badge on
Woody's vest.
BUZZ
(de-activating his
laser beam)
Local law enforcement! It's about
time you got here. I'm Buzz
Lightyear, Space Ranger, Universe
Protection Unit. My ship has crash
landed here by mistake.
Buzz begins walking around the bed, surveying the situation.
Woody tries to keep up.
WOODY
Yes, it is a mistake, because, you
see, the bed, here, is my spot.
BUZZ
I need to repair my turbo boosters.
Do you people still use fossil
fuels, or have you discovered
crystalic fusion?
WOODY
Well, let's see, we've got double
A's --
BUZZ
Watch yourself!!
Buzz shoves Woody down on the bed and re-activates his wrist
laser.
BUZZ
(continued)
Halt! Who goes there?!
The other toys are peeking over the edge of the bed.
REX
Don't shoot! It's okay! Friends!
BUZZ
(to Woody)
Do you know these life forms?
WOODY
Yes. They're Andy's toys.
BUZZ
Alright, everyone. You're clear to
come up.
Buzz walks over to the toys.
BUZZ
I am Buzz Lightyear. I come in peace.
Rex steps forward and eagerly shakes Buzz's hand.
REX
Oh, I'm so glad you're not a dinosaur!
BUZZ
Why, thank you...
(pulls away)
Now thank you all for your kind
welcome.
REX
Say! What's that button do?
BUZZ
I'll show you.
Buzz presses a button on his chest.
BUZZ (SAMPLED VOICE)
Buzz Lightyear to the rescue!
The toys all GASP IN AWE.
SLINKY
Hey, Woody's got something like
that. His is a pullstring, only
it --
MR. POTATO HEAD
Only it sounds like a car ran over it.
HAMM
Oh yeah, but not like this one.
This is a quality sound system.
Probably all copper wiring, huh?
So, uh, where are you from?
Singapore? Hong Kong?
BUZZ
Well...no, actually I'm stationed
up in the Gamma Quadrant of Sector
4. As a member of the elite
Universe Protection Unit of the
Space Ranger Corps, I protect the
galaxy from the threat of invasion
from the Evil Emperor Zurg, sworn
enemy of the Galactic Alliance.
As Buzz speaks, Woody glances down at the box in which Buzz
arrived.
ANGLE: BACK OF BUZZ'S BOX
There is a cartoon drawing of Buzz giving the exact, word-
for-word spiel that Buzz is now giving.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Oh, really? I'm from Playskool.
REX
And I'm from Mattel. Well, I'm not
actually from Mattel, I'm actually
from a smaller company that was
purchased in a leveraged buy-out.
Well, I don't really understand the
financials, but...
Woody walks over to Bo Peep.
WOODY
You'd think they've never seen a
new toy before.
BO PEEP
Well sure, look at him. He's got
more gadgets on him then a Swiss
army knife.
Slinky presses the button on Buzz's arm, activating his
laser light. Buzz quickly pulls his arm away.
BUZZ
Ah, ah, ah, please be careful! You
don't want to be in the way when my
laser goes off.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Hey, a laser! How come you don't
have a laser, Woody?
WOODY
It's not a laser! It's a little
lightbulb that blinks!
HAMM
What's with him?
MR. POTATO HEAD
Laser-envy.
WOODY
All right, that's enough. Look,
we're all very impressed with
Andy's new toy --
BUZZ
Toy?
WOODY
T-O-Y. Toy.
BUZZ
Excuse me, I think the word you're
searching for is Space Ranger.
WOODY
The word I'm searching for I can't
say because there's pre-school toys
present.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Gettin' kind of tense, aren't you?
REX
Oh, uh, Mr. Lightyear? Now I'm
curious. What does a Space Ranger
actually do?
WOODY
He's not a Space Ranger! He
doesn't fight evil or shoot lasers
or fly --
BUZZ
Excuse me.
Buzz calmly hits a button and wings pop out.
Again the toys GASP IN AWE.
HAMM
Oh, impressive wingspan. Very good!
WOODY
Oh, what?!...What?! These are
plastic. He can't fly!
BUZZ
They are a terillium-carbonic alloy
and I CAN fly.
WOODY
No, you can't.
BUZZ
Yes, I can.
WOODY
You can't!
BUZZ
Can!
WOODY
Can't! Can't! Can't!
BUZZ
I tell you, I could fly around this
room with my eyes closed!
WOODY
Okay then, Mr. Lightbeer! Prove it.
BUZZ
All right, then, I will.
(to toys)
Stand back everyone!
The crowd of toys make room for Buzz as he heads towards the
edge of the bed and climbs up the bedpost. He poses like a
high diver, shuts his eyes...
BUZZ
To infinity and beyond!!
...and leaps off the bed.
Buzz plummets straight down, hits a big rubber ball and
bounces right back up.
He then lands on a Hotwheels car, which races him down the
track, through the loop, and off a ramp. Buzz soars upward
into a plane mobile hanging from the ceiling.
Buzz becomes wedged between the plane's wheels. The impact
turns on the PLANE'S MOTOR making it (and Buzz) spin around
and around.
All the other toys watch from the bed, mesmerized.
Finally the centrifugal force causes Buzz to separate from
the plane, sailing him across the room toward the bed.
Buzz makes a perfect landing right in front of Woody and
then opens his eyes.
BUZZ
Can.
The crowd of toys rush Buzz, CHEERING AND CLAPPING WITH
ADORATION.
REX
Whoa! Oh, wow! You flew
magnificently!
BO PEEP
I found my moving buddy!
BUZZ
Why, thank you. Thank you all.
Thank you.
WOODY
That wasn't flying! That was
falling with style!
MR. POTATO HEAD
Man, the dolls must really go for
you!
(aside)
Can you teach me that?
Woody stands alone at the other end of the bed, fuming.
Slinky, caught up in the euphoria, approaches Woody.
SLINKY
Heh, heh, heh! Golly bob howdy --
WOODY
Oh, shut up! In a couple of days,
everything will be just the way it
was. They'll see... they'll see.
I'm still Andy's favorite toy.
MONTAGE
SONG: STRANGE THINGS plays over montage.
INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM - LATER
A) Andy plays with Woody: jumping up and down on the bed,
running around the room.
B) Andy sets Woody down on the floor. Next he "lands" Buzz
Lightyear on the floor opposite Woody. Andy shoots Buzz's
laser at Woody and then smacks Woody across the room as if
he'd been blown away by the laser.
C) Andy runs into his closet wearing his cowboy hat and
cowboy pajamas.
MATCH CUT TO:
Andy runs out of the closet clad in Buzz Lightyear pajamas
and a homemade spaceman's helmet.
ANDY
Buzz Lightyear to the rescue.
D) Woody observes all the cowboy-themed items in the bedroom
transform to space motif: the posters, the drawings on the
wall, the pillow, the bedspread.
E) Buzz watches Rex execute a WIMPY ROAR. The space ranger
suggests a few tips for the dinosaur. Rex tries again, this
time giving a "JURASSIC PARK" ROAR.
The roar blasts Potato Head's features right off his face.
F) Woody passes Etch-A-Sketch, who's sporting a portrait of
Buzz.
Woody looks across the room to see Buzz combing Troll Doll's
hair, chatting away like a hair dresser.
Woody angrily shakes Etch, removing Buzz's image.
G) Rocky, Snake, Troll Doll and Rex are lifting Tinkertoys
as weights. Buzz works out on top of an upside down Robot,
using his feet as a treadmill.
Potato Head attempts to lift his Tinkertoy barbell but ends
up tumbling backwards, leaving his arms connected to the
barbell.
H) Woody looks under the bed for Slinky, finding only the
checkerboard.
Woody peeks around the corner of the bed to see Slinky and
Robot, under Buzz's direction, setting Buzz's "ship" up on
top of ABC blocks for repair.
In frustration, Woody kicks the checkerboard, sending the
pieces flying. One of the checkers ricochets off the
dresser and boomerangs into Woody's mouth.
I) On Andy's bed, Buzz pets Slinky whose back end is
stretched over to the other side where Woody sits. Slinky's
wagging tail whacks Woody in the face repeatedly.
Woody shoves Slinky's rear end off the bed, leaving his
front end no choice but to eventually follow.
J) At bedtime, Andy loads his toys into the toybox until
just Woody and Buzz are left. He deliberates as to which
toy to keep and which to toss into the toybox.
INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT
Andy is sound asleep, with Buzz tucked under the covers next
to him.
Woody peeks out at them from the toybox and then sadly sinks
back into the box, closing the lid to...
BLACK
END MONTAGE/SONG ENDS
The black screen splits horizontally to become...
INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM - MORNING - WOODY'S POV OF THE BEDROOM
FROM THE TOY BOX
All is clear -- no sign of Andy. Woody throws open the lid
of the toy box.
WOODY
Finally!
He takes a couple DEEP BREATHS of fresh air, then discovers
that his hat is missing.
WOODY
(looking back into
the toy box)
Hey! Who's got my hat?
The rubber shark pops up wearing Woody's cowboy hat.
SHARK
Look, I'm Woody. Howdy, howdy, howdy!
WOODY
(sarcastic)
Ah-hah! Ah-hah-hah!
(grabs the hat)
Give me that!
Woody leaps out of the toy box.
BUZZ (O.S.)
Say there, Lizard and Stretchy Dog.
Let me show you something. It
looks as though I've been accepted
into your culture.
Woody looks up to see Buzz chatting with Rex and Slinky.
BUZZ
(continued)
Your Chief, Andy, inscribed his
name on me.
Buzz puts his foot out so that Slinky and Rex can see the
sole of his boot.
The name "ANDY" is written on it in permanent marker.
SLINKY & REX
Wow!
REX
With permanent ink, too!
BUZZ
Well, I must get back to repairing
my ship.
Buzz walks away.
Woody looks at HIS foot -- "Andy" is written on it also but
in a much more childish scrawl, and is largely faded.
BO PEEP (O.S.)
Don't let it get to you, Woody.
Hearing Bo, Woody puts his foot back down and quickly
straightens up.
WOODY
(nonchalant)
Uh, let what? I don't -- Uh, what
do you mean? Who?
BO PEEP
I know Andy's excited about Buzz,
but you know, he'll always have a
special place for you.
MR. POTATO HEAD
(walking past)
Yeah. Like the attic. Heh, heh...
WOODY
Alright! That's it!
Woody angrily marches across the room.
Across the room, Buzz's cardboard ship is still up on the
ABC blocks. Buzz lies down on a skateboard and slides under
the ship like a mechanic. Snake and Robot stand by waiting
for instructions. Buzz's hand reaches out from under the ship.
BUZZ
Unidirectional bonding strip.
Robot turns towards Snake who stands in readiness by a tape
dispenser.
ROBOT
Mr. Lightyear wants more tape!
Snake rips off a piece of tape with his mouth.
Woody approaches the skateboard, grabs hold of Buzz's foot
and rolls him out from under the ship.
WOODY
Listen, Lightsnack, you stay away
from Andy. He's mine, and no one
is taking him away from me.
BUZZ
What are you talking about?
(to Robot)
Where's that bonding strip?!
Buzz rolls himself back under. Woody rolls him out again.
WOODY
And another thing. Stop with this
spaceman thing. It's getting on my
nerves.
BUZZ
Are you saying you want to lodge a
complaint with Star Command?
WOODY
Oh okay, so you want to do it the
hard way, huh?
Buzz stands up, face to face with Woody.
BUZZ
Don't even think about it, cowboy!
WOODY
Oh, yeah, tough guy?!
Woody pushes Buzz in the chest, accidentally activating a
button that makes the spaceman's helmet open.
Buzz grabs his neck, GASPING FOR AIR. He drops to his knees
and begins to writhe on the ground, holding his breath.
Woody is unsure how to react.
Suddenly, Buzz SNIFFS the air.
BUZZ
The air isn't toxic.
Buzz rises and points an accusing finger at Woody.
BUZZ
How dare you open a spaceman's
helmet on an uncharted planet! My
eyeballs could've been sucked from
their sockets!
Buzz closes his helmet.
WOODY
You actually think you're THE "Buzz
Lightyear?" Oh, all this time I
thought it was an act!
(to the room)
Hey, guys! Look! It's the REAL
Buzz Lightyear!
BUZZ
You're mocking me, aren't you?
WOODY
Oh, no, no, no...
(pointing behind Buzz)
Buzz, look! An alien!
BUZZ
Where?
Buzz falls for the trick and turns around.
Woody kneels over with LAUGHTER.
SFX: DOG BARKING
Woody stops short. All the toys look to the bedroom window.
SID (O.S.)
Yessss! Ah, ha, ha, ha...
WOODY
Uh-oh.
Slinky hides under the bed.
SLINKY
It's Sid!
REX
I thought he was at summer camp!
HAMM
They must have kicked him out early
this year.
The toys rush over to the window.
REX
Oh, no! Not Sid!
SID (O.S.)
...Incoming!
From out the window, SID PHILLIPS, a hyperactive ten-year-
old, and his dog, SCUD, can be roughly made out jumping
around in their backyard.
A tiny figure stands isolated in the center of the yard.
Sid pummels the figure with rocks while Scud strains at his
leash, barking wildly.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Who is it this time?
WOODY
I can't tell. Hey, where's Lenny?
LENNY (O.S.)
Right here, Woody.
Woody turns to see, LENNY, a pair of wind-up binoculars,
approaching him from the other end of the desk. Woody picks
Lenny up and looks through him to survey the scene.
REX
Oh, no. I can't bear to watch one
of these again!
ANGLE: BINOCULAR VIEW OF SID'S BACKYARD
A full size toy soldier is posed in a running stance in the
center of the backyard. A huge M-80 is strapped to the
doll's back with masking tape.
WOODY
Oh, no...it's a Combat Carl.
SID (O.S.)
(plays under the next
5 lines)
Just stay where you are, Corporal!
Don't move, Carl. You'll blow up.
I know you're tired! I know your
leg is cramping, but you can't move.
Do you hear me?
Buzz breaks through the crowd.
BUZZ
What's going on?
WOODY
Nothing that concerns you spacemen.
Just us TOYS.
BUZZ
I'd better take a look anyway.
Buzz grabs Lenny from Woody and looks through him.
BUZZ
Why is that soldier strapped to an
explosive device?
WOODY
(redirecting Buzz's view)
That's why. Sid.
ANGLE: BINOCULAR VIEW OF THE DOG, SCUD
BUZZ
Sure is a hairy fellah.
WOODY
No! No, that's Scud, you idiot!
Again, Woody readjusts Buzz's view.
ANGLE: BINOCULAR VIEW OF SID
He is sporting a skull t-shirt and LAUGHING HIDEOUSLY.
WOODY
THAT is Sid!
BUZZ
You mean that happy child?
MR. POTATO HEAD
That ain't no happy child.
REX
He tortures toys -- just for fun.
BUZZ
Well, then we've got to do something!
Buzz steps up onto the window ledge. The toys GASP IN SHOCK.
BO PEEP
What are you doing?!! Get down
from there!
BUZZ
I'm going to go teach that boy a
lesson.
WOODY
Yeah, sure. You go ahead. Melt
him with your scary laser.
Woody presses Buzz's laser button. It emits a WIMPY
ELECTRONIC BEEP. Buzz quickly pulls his arm away.
BUZZ
Be careful with that, it's
extremely dangerous.
While Woody and Buzz banter, Lenny witnesses Sid lighting
the fuse of the M80.
LENNY
He's lighting it! He's lighting it!
SID (O.S.)
NO-O-O-O-O!!! CA-A-A-A-A-ARL!
LENNY
Hit the dirt!
The toys jump away from the window.
SFX: EXPLOSION
Dirt clouds and toy shrapnel rain down along the side of
Andy's house.
SID (O.S.)
Yes! He's gone! He's history!
Andy's toys peek over the window sill.
ANGLE: SID'S YARD
A large black scorch mark is all that remains where Combat
Carl once stood. Sid jumps up and down victoriously while
Scud resumes his BARKING.
BUZZ
I could have stopped him.
WOODY
Buzz, I would love to see you try.
(gesturing to Sid's yard)
'Course I'd love to see you as a
crater.
Sid CACKLES and dances around the crater.
BO PEEP
The sooner we move the better.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. ANDY'S FRONT YARD - SUNSET
A "FOR SALE" real estate sign stands in the front yard.
Another sign reading "SOLD" hangs from the bottom.
INT. UPSTAIRS HALL/ANDY'S BEDROOM
Mom opens the door to Andy's room and steps in. The room is
full of packing boxes, most of them half full. Andy is
playing with Woody and Buzz.
ANDY
To infinity and beyond!
MRS. DAVIS
Oh, all this packing makes me
hungry. What would you say to
dinner at, uh, oh, Pizza Planet?
ANDY
Pizza Planet?! Oh, cool!
Andy throws the two toys on his desk with Buzz landing right
on top of Woody.
MRS. DAVIS
Go wash your hands and I'll get
Molly ready.
The minute the door is closed Woody comes alive and shoves
Buzz off of him.
ANDY (O.S.)
Can I bring some toys?
MRS. DAVIS (O.S.)
You can bring ONE toy...
ANDY (O.S.)
Just one?
Woody perks up with concern.
WOODY
(to himself)
One toy?
He glances over his shoulder at Buzz, who is walking away
towards the opposite end of the desk.
Woody picks up a Magic 8 Ball left beside him on the desk.
With his back to Buzz, Woody quietly shakes the 8 ball.
WOODY
(whispering)
Will Andy pick me?
He tips the 8 ball over. The triangular oracle floats up to
the surface. Its prediction reads: DON'T COUNT ON IT.
WOODY
Don't count on it?!! Doh-h-h-h!
Woody throws down the 8 ball in disgust. It rolls across
the desk and falls behind it with a LOUD THUD.
Woody suddenly becomes interested in the back of the desk
and peers down it.
ANGLE: BACK OF THE DESK
The 8 ball is wedged way down near the bottom. The space is
a black chasm, dark and deep, just big enough to fit...a toy.
Woody looks across the desk at Buzz.
He is HUMMING TO HIMSELF as he forages through Andy's
pen/pencil tray looking for "tools" to repair his ship with.
Right behind Buzz sits
THE RC CAR
It rests on the desktop, pointing in the direction where the
8 ball fell, with the remote laying by its side.
Woody smiles for a beat and then runs in a panic over to Buzz.
WOODY
Buzz!! Oh, Buzz, Buzz Lightyear!!
Buzz Lightyear, thank goodness!
We've got trouble!
BUZZ
Trouble?!
(looking around)
Where?!
WOODY
(pointing to the back
of the desk)
Down there. Just down there. A
helpless toy...it's...it's trapped,
Buzz!
BUZZ
Then we've no time to lose!!
Buzz runs over and looks down the back of the desk.
BUZZ
I don't see anything!
Woody picks up the remote for the RC Car and switches it on.
RC's eyes (headlights) open sleepily.
WOODY
Oh, he's there. Just, just keep
looking.
Woody hits the "FORWARD" button on the remote and steers the
RC Car straight for Buzz.
BUZZ
What kind of a toy -- ?
Buzz turns to see RC headed straight for him. He dives out
of the way as the RC Car SMASHES into the base of...
A BULLETIN BOARD
The impact forces pushpins to fly out of the board. Buzz
ducks as pins land all around him, sticking into the desk
like arrows.
POTATO HEAD
sits on the floor in the midst of a card game with Hamm.
He looks up at the desk and GASPS as the bulletin board
slams down onto...
A GLOBE
knocking it out of its stand. The globe starts rolling
right at Buzz.
Woody stands frozen in disbelief at the chaos he's created.
Buzz runs along the desk, the globe rolling right behind
him, Indiana Jones style. Buzz gets stuck "log rolling" on
a pile of pencils, but at the last second jumps out of the
way onto the window ledge.
The globe lumbers past Buzz and strikes a Luxo-style
desklamp. The arm of the lamp swings all the way around,
barely missing Woody...
...and knocks Buzz out the window.
TOYS
BUZZ!!!!
WOODY
Buzz!!!
Woody looks out the window. No sign of Buzz. All the other
toys rush over to the sill.
SLINKY
I don't see him in the driveway! I
think he bounced into Sid's yard.
Woody backs away from the COMMOTION, unnoticed.
REX
(GASP)
Buzz!
RC CAR
(electric motor sounds)
Whirrr!! Whirrrr-whirrrr!!!
Rex looks over at RC. The remote control car is bouncing up
and down excitedly.
REX
Hey everyone! RC's trying to say
something!
The toys turn from the window to RC.
REX
(leaning down close
to RC)
What is it, boy?
RC CAR
(electric motor sounds)
Whirrr!!! Whirrr! Whirrrrrr!!
MR. POTATO HEAD
He's sayin' that this was no accident.
TOYS
Huh?
BO PEEP
What do you mean?
MR. POTATO HEAD
I mean Humpty Dumpty was pushed...
(pointing at Woody)
...by Woody.
TOYS
WHAT?!?
The toys turn to Woody who suddenly realizes how this looks.
WOODY
Wait a minute. You -- you don't
think I meant to knock Buzz out the
window, do you Potato Head?
MR. POTATO HEAD
That's Mr. Potato Head to you, you
back-stabbin' murderer!
WOODY
Now, it was an accident! Guys,
c'mon now, you...you gotta believe me
SLINKY
We believe you, Woody. Right, Rex?
REX
(backing away)
Oh, I don't like confrontations.
The Sargent pops out of the army bucket next to Woody.
SARGENT
Where is your honor, dirtbag?! You
are an absolute disgrace! You
don't deserve to --
Woody seals the lid back on the bucket.
Potato Head starts closing in on Woody.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Couldn't handle Buzz cuttin' in on
your playtime, could ya Woody?
Didn't want to face the fact that
Buzz just might be Andy's new
favorite toy, so you got rid of him.
Well, what if Andy starts playin'
with me more, Woody, huh? You
gonna knock me outta the window, too?
Potato Head has driven Woody back to the very edge of the
desk -- trapped.
HAMM
I don't think we should give him
the chance.
Suddenly, the lid pops off the bucket of army men.
SARGENT
There he is, men! Frag him!
The army men yell CHARGE and pounce on Woody, while all the
rest of the toys close in.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Let's string him up by his pull-
string!
HAMM
I got dibs on his hat!
BO PEEP
Would you boys stop it?!
HAMM
Tackle him!
WOODY
No, no, no, no! Wait! Wait I can
explain everything --
MRS. DAVIS (O.S.)
Andy, c'mon!
ANDY (O.S.)
Okay, Mom, be right down. I've got
to get Buzz.
SARGENT
Retreat!
The toys all drop Woody and rush back to their places.
Andy enters the room and heads straight for the desk where
Woody is lying. Andy overlooks Woody and begins searching
around the room.
ANDY
Mom! Do you know where Buzz is?
MRS. DAVIS (O.S.)
No, I haven't seen him.
Woody painfully watches as Andy searches in vain for Buzz.
MR. POTATO HEAD (O.S.)
Psssst!
Woody looks across the room.
Potato Head and Etch-A-Sketch peek out of a packing box.
Etch-A-Sketch scribbles a hangman's noose while Potato Head
points an accusing finger in Woody's direction.
Woody GULPS.
MRS. DAVIS (O.S.)
Andy! I'm heading out the door.
ANDY
But Mom, I can't find him!
MRS. DAVIS (O.S.)
Well, honey, just grab some other
toy! Now c'mon!
ANDY
Okay...
He grabs Woody and walks out of the room.
EXT. ANDY'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Andy exits the house dragging Woody as he heads toward the
family van in the driveway.
ANDY
I couldn't find my Buzz. I know I
left him right there.
MRS. DAVIS
Honey, I'm sure he's around.
You'll find him.
A BUSH
next to the van begins to rustle. Hands part the foliage,
revealing Buzz. He eyes Woody going into the van and does a
slow burn.
The van ENGINE STARTS UP. Buzz races out of the bush, and
with a mighty leap, grabs the rear fender of the van as it
pulls out of the driveway.
ANGLE: SIDE OF ANDY'S HOUSE
A chain of monkeys falls into view, dangling a considerable
distance above the ground.
EXT. ANDY'S BEDROOM WINDOW - CONTINUOUS
The rest of Andy's toys have regrouped at the window,
supervising the lowering of the "monkey chain."
SLINKY
It's too short! We need more monkeys!
REX
(holding up an empty barrel)
There aren't any more! That's the
whole barrel.
Rex throws the barrel down and runs back to the ledge.
REX
(yelling out window)
Buzz! The monkeys aren't working!
We're formulating another plan!
Stay calm!
(beat)
Oh, where could he be?
EXT. GAS STATION - LATER
The Davis' family van pulls up to one of the pumps.
INT. VAN - CONTINUOUS
Andy sits in the rear seat with Woody lying next to him.
ANDY
Can I help pump the gas?
MRS. DAVIS
Sure! I'll even let you drive.
Both Mrs. Davis and Andy exit the van while baby Molly
sleeps up front in her car seat.
ANDY (O.S.)
Yeah?!
MRS. DAVIS (O.S.)
Yeah -- when you're sixteen.
ANDY (O.S.)
(sarcastic)
Yuk, yuk, yuk -- funny, Mom.
With Mom and Andy out of range, Woody comes to life. He
stares out the sun roof, still reeling from everything.
WOODY
Oh, great. How am I gonna convince
those guys it was an accident?
Suddenly, Buzz appears over the edge of the sun roof.
WOODY
Buzz!
Buzz jumps down on the back seat to face Woody. He is furious.
WOODY
Buzz! You're alive! This is great!
Oh, I'm saved! I'm saved! Andy'll
find you here, he'll take us back
to the room, and then you can tell
everyone that this was all just a
big mistake. Huh?
No response from Buzz. Just an angry stare.
WOODY
(weakly)
Right? Buddy?
BUZZ
I just want you to know that even
though you tried to terminate me,
revenge is not an idea we promote
on my planet.
WOODY
Oh. Oh, that's good.
BUZZ
(getting in Woody's face)
But we're not on my planet, are we?
WOODY
No.
Buzz lunges for Woody. The two toys fly off the seat and
out the open side door of the van.
EXT. GAS STATION - CONTINUOUS
Woody and Buzz hit the ground and roll under the van, locked
in mortal combat.
WOODY
Ok! Come on! You want a piece of
me?!
Buzz lands a punch that sends Woody's head spinning around.
Woody lunges with all his might. He smacks Buzz in the
face, making it SQUEAK with every blow.
Buzz closes his helmet on Woody's hand.
WOODY
Owwwww!!!
Woody pounds on Buzz's chest with his free hand, activating
BUZZ'S SAMPLED VOICE buttons.
SFX: CAR DOOR SLAM
The toys stop fighting. Before they can react...
MRS. DAVIS (O.S.)
Next stop...
ANDY (O.S.)
Pizza Planet! Yeah!!!
The van drives off.
WOODY
(GASP)
Andy?!
Woody starts to run in the direction of the van but it
drives out of sight, leaving Buzz and Woody stranded.
WOODY
Doesn't he realize that I'm not
there?
(beat)
I'm LOST! Oh, I'm a lost toy!
Meanwhile, Buzz checks the surroundings. He flips open his
wrist communicator.
BUZZ
Buzz Lightyear Mission Log. The
local Sheriff and I seem to be at a
huge refueling station of some
sort --
Woody whips around, his expression changing from panic to
seething anger. He charges at Buzz.
WOODY
You!
SFX: LOUD TRUCK HORN
Just then the toys are bathed in the headlight beams of a
behemoth tanker truck pulling into the station.
Buzz dives off to the side while Woody collapses right where
he stands on the pavement. The truck ROARS over him.
A GIGANTIC TIRE
stops just millimeters from Woody's nose.
Petrified, Woody inches away from the tire, moving back
under the truck until he bumps into Buzz.
BUZZ
(into wrist communicator)
According to my nava-computer, the --
WOODY
(whispering)
Shut up! Just shut up, you idiot!!
BUZZ
Sheriff, this is no time to panic.
WOODY
This is the perfect time to panic!
I'm lost, Andy is gone, they're
going to move from their house in
two days and it's all your fault!!
BUZZ
My fault?! If you hadn't pushed me
out of the window in the first
place --
WOODY
Oh, yeah? Well, if YOU hadn't
shown up in your stupid little
cardboard spaceship and taken away
everything that was important to
me --
BUZZ
Don't talk to me about importance.
Because of YOU the security of this
entire universe is in jeopardy.
WOODY
(incredulous)
WHAT?!! What are you talking about?!
Buzz walk to the edge of the truck tire and points up to the
stars.
BUZZ
Right now, poised at the edge of
the galaxy, Emperor Zurg has been
secretly building a weapon with the
destructive capacity to annihilate
an entire planet. I alone have
information that reveals this
weapon's only weakness.
(pointing at Woody)
And you, my friend, are responsible
for delaying my rendez-vous with
Star Command.
Woody explodes.
WOODY
YOU ARE A TOY!!! You aren't the
real Buzz Lightyear, you're an
action figure!! You are a child's
plaything!!!
Beat.
BUZZ
You are a sad strange little man
and you have my pity. Farewell.
Buzz walks off.
WOODY
Oh, yeah? Well, good riddance, ya
looney!
Woody walks away in the opposite direction.
WOODY
(to himself)
Rendez-vous with Star Command.
SFX: SCREECHING TIRES FOLLOWED BY GAS STATION BELL
PIZZA DELIVERER (O.S.)
Hey, Gas Dude!
ATTENDANT (O.S.)
You talkin' to me?
PIZZA DELIVERER (O.S.)
Yeah, man, can you help me? Do you
know where Cutting Blvd. is?
ATTENDANT (O.S.)
Just a moment...
Woody looks in the direction of the bell. His face lights
up at the sight of...
A PIZZA PLANET DELIVERY TRUCK.
WOODY
(to himself)
Pizza Planet...Andy!
Woody takes a step forward and then stops.
WOODY
Oh, no! I can't show my face in
that room without Buzz.
Woody runs back under the tanker truck. Buzz is at the far
end of the truck, walking away from Woody.
WOODY
Buzz! Buzz, come back!
BUZZ
(continuing to walk away)
Go away.
Woody looks back at the delivery truck in desperation and
then eyes...
ANGLE: DELIVERY TRUCK ROOF SIGN
Atop the truck is a rocket with the Pizza Planet logo.
WOODY
No, Buzz, you've gotta come back.
I found a spaceship!
Buzz stops walking away and looks back at Woody.
WOODY
It's a spaceship, Buzz!
EXT. GAS STATION - A FEW MINUTES LATER
The delivery truck's engine has stalled and is off.
PIZZA DELIVERER (O.S.)
C'mon, man, hurry up. Um, like the
pizza's are getting cold here.
Woody and Buzz eye the parked delivery truck from within the
safety of a nearby oilcan display.
BUZZ
Now you're sure this spacefreighter
will return to its port of origin
once it jettisons its food supply?
WOODY
Uh-huh. And when we get there,
we'll be able to find a way to
transport you...home.
BUZZ
Well, then let's climb abroad.
Buzz makes a beeline for the passenger side door of the
pizza truck. Woody chases after him.
WOODY
No, no, no, wait, Buzz, Buzz, let's
get in the back. No one will see
us there.
BUZZ
Negative. There are no restraining
harnesses in the cargo area. We'll
be much safer in the cockpit.
In a flash, Buzz has scaled the front tire, grabbed the rear
view mirror, and swung himself up and into the cab.
WOODY
(loud whisper)
Yeah, but, Buzz! Buzz!
PIZZA DELIVERER (O.S.)
Ok, so that's two lefts, and then a
right, huh?
ATTENDANT (O.S.)
Yeah.
PIZZA DELIVERER (O.S.)
Okay, thanks for the directions.
WOODY
(loud whisper)
Buzz!
SFX: ENGINE STARTING
Woody runs around to the back of the truck, scrambles up the
bumper and throws open the back hatch to climb inside.
Woody lets out a YELL, as the back hatch slams back down on
his rear, sending him flying into the bed of the truck.
INT. PIZZA PLANET DELIVERY TRUCK - CONTINUOUS
Woody peeks through the dividing window into the cab.
Buzz is hidden from THE PIZZA DRIVER's view by a stack of
pizzas in their insulated covers. Buzz prudently fastens
his safety belt.
WOODY
It'll be safer in the cockpit than
the cargo bay. What an idiot!
The driver shifts into gear and hits the gas, propelling
Woody to the back of the truck.
The pizza deliverer drives like a maniac, taking sharp turns
and hills at high speeds. Woody is helplessly thrown around
the truck. With every blow, Woody YELPS in pain.
The truck climbs a steep hill. Woody looks up just in time
to see...
A LARGE TOOL BOX
barreling towards him.
BAM!!!
CUT TO:
A STAR-FILLED BLACK NIGHT SKY
We MOVE DOWN to reveal...
EXT. PIZZA PLANET - NIGHT
The delivery truck barrels into the parking lot and parks.
INT. DELIVERY TRUCK - CAB - CONTINUOUS
After the driver leaves the truck, Buzz peeks out from the
passenger window.
ANGLE: THE FRONT ENTRANCE
Two imposing animatronic robots guard the doorway. As
CUSTOMERS approach the front, the guards part their crossed
"pizza spears," allowing the patrons to enter.
ROBOT GUARDS
You are clear to enter. Welcome to
Pizza Planet.
VARIOUS ANNOUNCEMENTS blare out from speakers:
MALE VOICE OVER SPEAKER
Next shuttle lift-off scheduled for
T-minus 30 minutes and counting...
FEMALE VOICE OVER SPEAKER
The white zone is for eating pizza
only. The white zone is for...
Excited, Buzz pries open the window between the cab and
truck bed.
BUZZ
Sheriff!
Woody is gone. Just the toolbox and strewn trash.
BUZZ
(continued)
Sheriff?
The toolbox falls on its side revealing Woody. He peels off
the back of the truck and falls into a pile of trash.
BUZZ
There you are. Now the entrance is
heavily guarded. We need a way to
get inside.
Woody rises from the trash with a "MEGA-GULP" cup on his head.
BUZZ
Great idea, Woody! I like your
thinking!
EXT. PIZZA PLANET - FRONT ENTRANCE
In the f.g. sits a trashcan with fast food containers
littered around it. MORE CUSTOMERS approach the "guarded"
entrance.
ROBOT GUARDS
You are clear to enter. Welcome to
Pizza Planet.
The front doors automatically swing open as the people pass
through. Suddenly two pieces of trash -- a burger container
and "MEGA-GULP" cup stand up.
BUZZ
(in burger container)
NOW!
The two disguised toys make a dash through the closing doors.
BUZZ
(in container)
Quickly, Sheriff! The airlock is
closing.
INT. PIZZA PLANET - FRONT ENTRANCE - CONTINUOUS
Woody and Buzz just make it inside but then freeze
immediately as a GROUP OF KIDS run past, forcing the toys to
pose as discarded trash.
Once the coast is clear, Woody and Buzz resume walking.
Buzz bumps into Woody.
WOODY
(using straw as periscope)
Ow! Watch where you're going!
BUZZ
(mouthing with burger box)
Sorry.
They sneak in between two long rows of video games and throw
off their disguises. They then take a good look at...
THE ARCADE
The space-themed arena is filled with hordes of children
playing video games. A sea of HI-TECH SOUNDS and lights
overwhelm the place.
Buzz is beaming with hope.
BUZZ
What a space port. Good work, Woody.
Woody is busy looking at all the children in the arcade, but
none of the kids look familiar to him. Just then he HEARS...
ANDY (O.S.)
Mom, can I play Black Hole?
Please, please, please?!
Woody turns around and through the video games he spots...
ANDY
standing with Mom and Molly in her stroller.
WOODY
(to himself)
Andy!
MRS. DAVIS
What's Black Hole?
ANDY
Oh, it's so cool...
The family begins to walk away.
BUZZ
Now we need to find a ship that's
headed for Sector 12 --
Buzz is about to head off in the opposite direction when
Woody grabs him and quickly pulls him down the video corridor.
WOODY
Wait a minute! No Buzz! This way!
There's a special ship. I just saw
it!
BUZZ
You mean it has hyperdrive?
WOODY
Hyper-active hyperdrive, and
astro...uh, turf.
The toys manage to get ahead of Andy. Woody peeks around
the corner of one of the video games and waits for Mom and
Andy to approach.
WOODY
(tracking Andy and family)
C'mon, c'mon, that's it...
BUZZ
Where is it? I don't see the --
Buzz stops short at the sight of...
A CRANE GAME
It is modeled to look like a spaceship ready to launch.
BUZZ
(continued)
Spaceship.
WOODY
Alright Buzz, get ready...
Buzz heads for the crane game, but Woody does not notice,
his eyes locked on the approaching stroller.
WOODY
Okay, Buzz, when I say "go," we're
gonna jump in the basket --
Woody turns and realizes Buzz is gone. He looks across the
way just in time to see Buzz leap into the crane game
through the "PRIZE" slot.
WOODY
(loud whisper)
Buzz!
Woody turns back in the direction of the stroller.
It has already gone past.
WOODY
Dooh! No! This cannot be
happening to me!!
Woody runs towards the crane game, but is forced to hold
back for a moment as some SCREAMING children pass by.
INT. CRANE GAME
Buzz climbs over the partition that divides the deposit slot
from the prize toys and leaps into a pile of...
SQUEEZE TOY ALIENS
There are hundreds of them, all identical and way too cute.
ALIEN #1
(excited)
A stranger!
ALIEN #2
From the outside!
ALIENS
Oo-o-o-o-o-o...
BUZZ
Greetings! I am Buzz Lightyear! I
come in peace!
ALIENS
Tell us! What is it like outside?
The squeeze toys rush Buzz like JABBERING excited children.
EXT. CRANE GAME
With the kids gone, Woody crosses the aisle to the crane
game and dives through the prize slot.
INT. CRANE GAME - CONTINUOUS
Woody clambers up the side of the deposit slot.
BUZZ (O.S.)
This is an intergalactic emergency!
I need to commandeer your vessel to
Sector 12!
Woody peeks over the partition to witness Buzz surround by
the cute alien toys.
BUZZ
(continued; to the aliens)
Who's in charge here?
All the aliens point upward.
ALIENS
The cla-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-w!!
Woody and Buzz look up.
ANGLE: CRANE GAME CLAW
It dangles directly above the toys.
ALIEN #1
The claw is our master.
ALIEN #2
The claw chooses who will go and
who will stay.
WOODY
(to himself)
This is ludicrous.
SID (O.S.)
(laughter)
Woody GASPS at the recognition of Sid's voice. He turns to
see Sid heading straight for the crane game.
WOODY
Oh, no! Sid!!!
Woody leaps off the partition and tackles Buzz, pushing the
two of them deep into the pile of aliens.
WOODY
Get down!!
Sid approaches the crane game and fishes quarters out of his
pants pocket.
BUZZ
(loud whisper)
What's gotten into you, Sheriff? I
was --
WOODY
(loud whisper)
YOU are the one that decided to
climb into this --
ALIEN #4
(loud whisper)
Sh-h-h-h-h-h. The claw. It moves.
ANGLE: CLAW
It moves into position and hovers directly above the area
where Woody and Buzz are hiding.
The crane drops and grabs hold of the alien toy that is
right on top of Buzz.
ALIEN #3
(whispering excitedly)
I have been chosen!!
Positioned with his back to Sid, the alien is lifted up by
the claw.
ALIEN #3
(continued)
Farewell, my friends! I go on to a
better place.
SID
Gotcha!
With the alien gone, Buzz's upper torso becomes exposed,
forcing the space ranger to freeze. Sid suddenly spots Buzz.
SID
A Buzz Lightyear! No way!
Woody, still hidden, frantically looks around for some way
to escape. Behind him, through the aliens, he eyes...
A SMALL REPAIR DOOR
Woody swims through the alien squeeze toys toward the door.
He grabs hold of the locking latch and, after a few
attempts, is able to pry the door open.
The shadow of the crane lines up over Buzz, lowers, and
grabs his head.
SID
Yes!
The claw begins to lift Buzz up.
WOODY
(GASP)
Buzz, NO!
Woody grabs hold of Buzz's feet.
Woody and the claw begin to have a tug-of-war with Buzz.
Woody pulls down hard, forcing Buzz to sink into the pile of
aliens, out of Sid's view.
SID
(slamming his fist
against the glass)
Wha -- ? Hey!!
Still tugging against the crane, Woody is almost out the
door with Buzz. Just then, the aliens at the bottom of the
pile pull Buzz and Woody back inside.
ALIEN #4
He has been chosen.
WOODY
Hey! What are you doing?
ALIEN #5
He must go.
WOODY
Stop it, you -- ! Stop it, you
zealots!
ALIENS
He must go! Do not fight the claw!
Do not anger the claw! He has been
chosen.
Woody and Buzz are pushed up to the surface and into the
air, dangling lifelessly in front of Sid.
SID
Alright! Double prizes!
Woody and Buzz are dropped into the prize door slot and
snatched up by Sid.
SID
(looking at his two
new toys)
Let's go home and...play. Ha-ha-ha.
ANGLE: CLOSEUP OF SKULL ON SID'S T-SHIRT
MATCH DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. SID'S HOUSE - LATER THAT NIGHT
From out of the darkness appears Sid on his skateboard. He
is HUMMING to rock music from his walkman while carrying his
backpack in his hand.
Sid leaps off the skateboard and walks up the front path
towards the front door.
Through the open zipper, Buzz peeks out of the backpack to
see Sid's house. He recognizes Andy's house next door.
INT. BACKPACK - CONTINUOUS
Buzz, Woody and a squeeze toy alien are scrunched up in the
backpack.
BUZZ
Sheriff! I can see your dwelling
from here! You're almost home.
ALIEN
Nirvana is coming! The mystic
portal awaits!
WOODY
(to Alien)
Will you be quiet?!!
(to both)
You guys don't get it, do you?
Once we go into Sid's house, we
won't be coming out.
ANGLE: TOYS' POV FROM OUT BACKPACK
The front door opens to reveal Scud. The dog lunges
straight for the backpack, BARKING.
SID
Whoa, Scud! Hey, boy. Sit! Good
boy!
The dog begrudgingly obeys.
SID
Hey, I got somethin' for ya, boy.
Sid's hand reaches into the backpack.
WOODY
(loud whisper)
FREEZE!!!
The toys go still. Sid's hand grabs the alien out of the
backpack. The alien is then placed sideways along Scud's
snout.
SID
Ready, set, NOW.
In one quick motion, Scud flips the alien up, catches it in
his mouth, and rabidly shakes it back and forth.
Buzz and Woody react in horror.
SID
Hannah! Hey, Hannah!!!
Woody and Buzz glance up to see HANNAH, Sid's frail little
sister, carrying her Janie Doll.
HANNAH
What?
SID
Did I get my package in the mail?
HANNAH
I dunno.
SID
Whaddaya mean, you don't know?
HANNAH
(insistent)
I don't know!
SID
(mock concern)
Oh no, Hannah!
HANNAH
What?
SID
Look! Janie!
He grabs the doll.
HANNAH
Hey!!
SID
She's sick!
HANNAH
(panic rising)
No she's NOT --
SID
I'll have to perform one of
my...operations!
HANNAH
NO-O-O... Don't touch her! NO!
Sid bolts upstairs with Hannah in pursuit.
WOODY
Not Sid's room...not there...
INT. UPSTAIRS HALL - CONTINUOUS
Sid races to his bedroom door. Hannah is right behind.
HANNAH
Sid! Give her back!
Sid just LAUGHS. He charges into the room and slams the
door in his sister's face.
INT. SID'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
HANNAH (O.S.)
(pounding on his door)
Sid! Sid!...
Sid carelessly tosses the backpack on the bed and walks over
to a makeshift workbench.
SID
(as Doctor)
Oh, no. We have a sick patient
here, nurse. Prepare the O.R., STAT!
Sid CLICKS on a bare bulb dangling above his "operating
table."
Woody and Buzz look on from the safety of the backpack as
Sid places the Janie doll's head in a vise.
HANNAH (O.S.)
Sid, give her back! Give her back
now! I'm telling!
SID
(as Doctor)
Patient is...
(straining while
tightening vise)
...pre-e-epped.
Sid grabs a painter's mask from his toolchest and dons it
like a surgeon's mask.
SID
(as Doctor)
No one's ever attempted a double
bypass brain transplant before.
Sid grabs a toy pterodactyl from a nearby crate full of junk.
SID
(as Doctor)
Now for the tricky part -- pliers!
BUZZ
(whispering to Woody)
I don't believe that man's ever
been to medical school.
Sid struggles for a moment with his "patient" then stops.
SID
(as Nurse)
Doctor, you've done it!
(running to the door)
Hannah?
He opens the door. Hannah is standing there, looking worried.
SID
(continued)
Janie's all better now.
He hands her Janie -- her head has been replaced with a
pterodactyl's. Hannah SCREAMS at the sight of the
monstrosity and bolts down the hallway.
HANNAH
MOM!! MOM!!
SID
She's lying! Whatever she says
it's not true!
Sid throws the doll to the ground and runs after Hannah,
slamming the door behind him.
Woody and Buzz peer out of the backpack at their new
surroundings. Heavy metal posters, discarded toy remains
and power tools adorn the messy room.
They are in Hell...toy Hell.
WOODY
We are gonna die.
(bolting out of the pack)
I'm outta here!
Woody leaps from the bed to the doorknob and struggles to
open it. No good. Woody drops to the floor.
WOODY
Locked! There's gotta be another
way out of here.
SFX: ROLLING SOUND
Woody is startled by the noise.
A small yo-yo rolls out from behind a box and falls on its
side.
Spooked, Woody grabs a pencil from the floor and brandishes
it like a weapon.
Just then a shadow passes by Woody. He turns quickly but
sees nothing.
WOODY
Uh...Buzz? Was that you?
Woody hurriedly trades his pencil for a larger flashlight.
He hears a NOISE from under Sid's bed. Woody turns on the
flashlight and shines the beam in the direction of the
noise, illuminating...
A BABY DOLL HEAD'S PROFILE
WOODY
Hey! Hi, there, little fellah!
Come out here. Do you know a way
out of here?
The baby doll moves out from under the bed, revealing a one-
eyed doll head atop a spider-like body made of erector set
pieces.
WOODY
(GASP!!)
The creature extends its legs and rises up taller than Woody.
Scared speechless, Woody keeps his flashlight beam locked on
BABYFACE.
Various other MUTANT TOYS begin to emerge from the shadows:
a toy fishing pole with fashion doll legs, a skateboard with
a combat soldier's torso screwed to the front end, a jack-
in-the-box with a rubber hand for a head, (and others).
Woody leaps onto the bed and hides behind Buzz.
WOODY
B-B-B-Buzz!
Buzz and Woody look on as the mutants have a tug of war as
they grab all the Janie and pterodactyl parts, dragging them
off into the shadows.
BUZZ
They're cannibals!
Woody retreats back into the backpack.
INT. BACKPACK - CONTINUOUS
Woody cowers in the corner as Buzz enters. He punches a
button on his chest.
BUZZ
May day! May day! Come in, Star
Command! Send reinforcements!...
(pause)
Star Command, do you copy?
No response.
Buzz adjusts his laser light. It emits a short BLIP.
BUZZ
(aiming his arm out
the pack)
I've set my laser from stun to kill.
WOODY
Oh, great, great. Yeah, and if
anyone attacks us we can blink 'em
to death.
EXT. ANDY'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Rex points a flashlight out of Andy's bedroom window while
Bo Peep, Slinky, Hamm and Potato Head look on.
Some bushes rustle below.
REX
Hey, you guys! I think I've found
him. Buzz! Is that you?!
Rex points the flashlight beam at the shaking bushes. The
annoyed MEOW of a cat is heard.
REX
Whiskers! Will you get out of
here?! You're interfering with the
search and rescue.
SFX: APPROACHING CAR
Rex turns off the flashlight.
REX
(whispering)
Look! They're home!
The toys duck behind the sill.
The Davis' family van pulls into the driveway. Andy and Mrs.
Davis get out.
ANDY
Mom, have you seen Woody?
MRS. DAVIS
Where was the last place you left him?
ANDY
(searching the van)
Right here in the van.
MRS. DAVIS
Oh, I'm sure he's there. You're
just not looking hard enough.
ANDY
He's not here, Mom. Woody's gone.
The toys all look at one another.
BO PEEP
(GASP)
Woody's gone?!
HAMM
Well waddah-ya-know, the weasel ran
away.
Hamm, Potato Head and Rex walk away from the window.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Huh?! Huh?! I told you he was
guilty.
REX
Who would've thought he was capable
of such atrocities?!
Bo Peep and Slinky are left alone at the window, visibly
crestfallen.
BO PEEP
Oh, Slink, I hope he's okay.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. SID'S BEDROOM WINDOW - DAY
SID (O.S.)
(as Interrogator)
Oh, a survivor. Where is the rebel
base? Talk!
SFX: HAND SLAP
INT. SID'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
An inanimate Woody flies across the room, landing hard on
the floor.
Sid crosses to the window.
SID
(as Interrogator)
I can see your will is strong.
Sid opens the window shade. Bright sunlight shines down
onto Woody.
SID
(continued)
Well, we have ways of making you talk.
Sid pulls out a magnifying glass from his back pocket and
focuses the beam on Woody's forehead.
SID
(as Interrogator)
Where are your rebel friends now?
Heh, heh.
A bright white hot dot forms on Woody's forehead and begins
to smolder.
SID'S MOM (O.S.)
Sid!! Your pop-tarts are ready!
Sid pulls the magnifying glass away.
SID
Alright!!
Sid runs out of the room. As soon as he's gone, Woody jumps
up SCREAMING, his forehead burning.
He runs to a bowl of half-eaten cereal (with milk) on the
floor, and dunks his head in.
Buzz runs over to Woody, pausing to remove two suction cup
darts from his person before pulling Woody out of the bowl.
Two colorful Froot-Loops stick to each of Woody's eyes like
glasses.
BUZZ
Are you alright?
(whacking him on the back)
I'm proud of you, Sheriff. A
lesser man would have talked under
such torture.
Woody looks at his reflection in the back of the cereal
spoon and rubs the burn mark on his forehead.
WOODY
I sure hope this isn't permanent.
BUZZ
(checking his wrist communicator)
Still no word from Star Command.
We're not that far from the
spaceport --
Woody's eyes light up.
ANGLE: SPOON
Sid's bedroom door can be seen in the reflection. It's open.
WOODY
The door! It's open! We're free!!
Woody runs for the door. Buzz follows.
BUZZ
Woody, we don't know what's out there!
WOODY
I'll tell you what's -- AAAAH!
THE MUTANT TOYS
suddenly appear and block their path to the doorway. Woody
hides behind Buzz.
WOODY
They're gonna eat us, Buzz!! Do
something! Quick!
BUZZ
Shield your eyes!
Buzz fires his laser at them. The little red beam just
flickers against Babyface's head. The mutant toys look
confusedly at each other.
BUZZ
It's not working. I recharged it
before I left. It should be good
for hours --
WOODY
Oh, you idiot! You're a toy! Use
your karate chop action!
Grabbing Buzz like a hostage, Woody fends off the mutant
toys by pushing a large button on Buzz's back, making Buzz's
arm involuntarily "chop" up and down.
WOODY
(to mutants)
Get away! Hoo-cha! Hoo-cha!
BUZZ
Hey!! Hey! How are you doing that?
Stop that!
WOODY
Back! Back, you savages! Back!
Woody circles around the mutant toys to the open doorway,
continually chopping Buzz's arm.
BUZZ
Woody, stop it!!
WOODY
Sorry guys, but dinner's canceled!
Woody drops Buzz and runs out the door.
INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Woody races down the corridor...
WOODY
(to himself)
There's no place like home.
There's no place like home.
There's no place like home...
...turns onto the top of the stairwell, down a few steps,
and is confronted by...
SCUD
asleep on the landing.
Woody freezes inches away from the sleeping beast. He
slowly backs up the stairs.
Suddenly Buzz appears and pulls Woody back against the
hallway wall. He covers Woody's mouth with his hand.
WOODY
(muffled gasp)
BUZZ
(whisper)
Another stunt like that, cowboy --
you're going to get us killed.
WOODY
(pulling Buzz's hand away)
Don't tell me what to do!
BUZZ
Shhh!
Buzz checks to make sure Scud is still asleep and then darts
across the stairwell opening to the other end of the hallway.
Once safely across, he motions for Woody to follow.
Woody cowardly crawls on all fours across the open area and
meets up with Buzz.
As he stands...
WOODY'S PULLSTRING RING
gets caught on one of the curls of the wrought iron railing.
The toys begin to creep down the hallway, unaware that
Woody's pullstring is being pulled farther and farther
until --
It SNAPS off the iron railing and flies back towards Woody.
WOODY (VOICE BOX)
YEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAA!!
Both Buzz and Woody leap in surprise at the sound of Woody's
voice box.
ANGLE: SCUD'S EYE
It opens.
Woody vainly attempts to stifle the recoiling pullstring.
WOODY (VOICE BOX)
(continued)
Giddy-up partner!...
GROWLING, Scud starts up the stairs.
WOODY (VOICE BOX)
(continued)
...We got to get this wagon train a
movin'!
Woody and Buzz take off running.
BUZZ
Split up!
Two doors are ajar at the other end of the hallway. Buzz
dives behind one while Woody jumps into...
A CLOSET
Woody slams the door shut just as Scud reaches the top of
the landing. CRASHED can be heard from behind the closet
door, getting Scud's attention.
Buzz peeks out from his doorway at Scud SNIFFING AND
GROWLING at the closet.
Sensing movement behind him, Scud whips around and starts to
enter Buzz's doorway.
SFX: SNORING
The noise stops the dog in his tracks. Both Scud and Buzz
look up to see...
INT. SID'S DAD'S DEN - CONTINUOUS
MR. PHILLIPS is asleep on a La-Z-Boy recliner in front of
the T.V.
Scud backs out and heads down the stairs.
Buzz turns to exit the room when he hears...
SPACE COMMANDER (O.S.; ON TV)
Calling Buzz Lightyear!! Come in
Buzz Lightyear!! This is Star
Command. Buzz Lightyear! Do you
read me?!
BUZZ
Star Command!
Buzz opens up his wrist communicator and is just about to
speak into it when he is interrupted.
KID #1 (O.S.)
Buzz Lightyear responding! Read
you loud and clear!
Buzz turns around to see...
A TELEVISION SET
Buzz's space ranger logo is on the screen over a field of
stars. The image quickly changes to two young boys playing
in their backyard with a Buzz Lightyear doll.
SPACE COMMANDER
Buzz Lightyear, Planet Earth needs
your help!
KID #1
(into toy wrist communicator)
On the way!
MALE CHORUS (V.O.)
BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!!!
Buzz reacts with confusion at what he is watching. He walks
slowly towards the television set.
TV ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
The world's greatest superhero!
Now the world's greatest TOY!
ANGLE: TV COMMERCIAL
The Buzz Lightyear doll is now out of the box and being
displayed.
TV ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Buzz has it all! Locking wrist
communicator!
KID #1
Calling Buzz Lightyear.
TV ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Karate chop action!
KID #2
Wow!
With every feature demonstrated on the TV, Buzz compares the
same feature on himself.
TV ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Pulsating laserlight!
KID #2
Total annihilation!
TV ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Multi-phrase voice simulator!
TV BUZZ (SAMPLED VOICE)
It's a secret mission in uncharted
space!
Buzz presses the same button on his uniform.
BUZZ (SAMPLED VOICE)
It's a secret mission in uncharted
space!
TV ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
And best of all...
(big "monster truck" voice)
HIGH-PRESSURE-SPACE-WINGS!!
TV BUZZ
To Infinity and Beyond!
On the TV screen, the Buzz Lightyear action figure appears
to be launched through the air. The words: NOT A FLYING
TOY flash across the bottom of the screen.
TV ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
(non-excited lawyer voice)
Not a flying toy.
Buzz slowly shakes his head in wide-eyed disbelief.
TV ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Get your Buzz Lightyear action
figure and save a galaxy near you!
MALE CHORUS (V.O.)
BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!!!
The image on the screen changes to a shot of hundreds of
Buzzes in their boxes lining either side of a store aisle.
LOCAL ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Available at all Al's Toy Barn
outlets in the tri-county area.
Buzz is stricken. He looks down at his wrist communicator
and opens it.
ANGLE: WRIST COMMUNICATOR
Molded on the underside of the cover are three words: "MADE
IN TAIWAN."
SONG: "I WILL GO SAILING NO MORE" BEGINS
INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Buzz walks dejectedly out of the den and down the hallway.
As he passes the top of the stairwell he pauses to look up
through the railing at...
A SMALL WINDOW
It is open, revealing the blue sky beyond. A bird flies past.
The taunting voice of Woody echoes in his head.
WOODY (V.O.)
You are a toy! You can't fly!
Buzz bows his head, defeated.
BEAT
Slowly Buzz raises his head, determination in his eyes. He
slams the offending wrist communicator shut, as if to deny
its message of "Made in Taiwan."
Buzz climbs up the railing to the banister. He pops open
his wings, and aims himself towards the window above.
BUZZ
To Infinity and Beyond!
Buzz leaps off the banister...
and falls.
In SLOW MOTION Buzz watches his square of blue sky pull
farther away from him as he plummets to the floor below.
INT. SID'S HOUSE/ENTRYWAY - CONTINUOUS
Buzz CRASHES on the entryway floor.
Buzz opens his eyes to see...
HIS SEVERED LEFT ARM
The broken arm lies a few inches away from his now empty arm
socket.
Buzz drops his head back in defeat.
SONG ENDS
HANNAH (O.S.)
M-o-o-om? Mom, have you seen my
Sally doll?
Hannah walks into the entryway, and not seeing Buzz, steps
on him.
MOM (O.S.)
What, dear? What was that?
Hannah picks up Buzz (and his arm) and smiles.
HANNAH
Nevermind.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - LATER
ANGLE: CLOSET
The knob jiggles for a moment. Suddenly, the door flies
open revealing Woody, entangled in Christmas lights,
standing atop a pile of boxes to be at doorknob height.
Woody and the rest of the junk topple over.
A bowling ball topples out, smashing Woody square on the head.
WOODY
Oo-o-of!
(to the hallway)
Buzz?! The coast is clear. Buzz?
Where are you?
BUZZ (O.S.; SAMPLED VOICE)
It's a secret mission in uncharted
space! Let's go!!
Woody creeps down the hallway, dragging the Christmas lights
with him.
HANNAH (O.S.)
Really? That is so-o-o interesting.
Woody peeks into the open doorway of...
INT. HANNAH'S BEDROOM/UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Hannah is pretending to have a tea party. Her guests are
dolls, headless dolls, that is except for...
BUZZ
He is seated at the miniature table, dressed up in a frilly
apron and fashionable party hat.
HANNAH
(continued)
Would you like some tea, Mrs. Nesbit?
WOODY
(under his breath)
Buzz!
Hannah has placed a tiny teapot in Buzz's severed arm and
pours imaginary tea with it.
HANNAH
It's so nice you could join us on
such late notice.
Woody steps back into the hallway.
WOODY
Oh, no!
HANNAH
What a lovely hat, Mrs. Nesbit. It
goes quite well with your head.
Woody thinks for a moment, then takes a few steps further
down the hall. He CLEARS HIS THROAT.
WOODY
(high voice)
Hannah! Oh, Hannah!
Hannah stops pouring tea and looks up.
HANNAH
(yelling out her room)
Mom?
(to the dolls)
Please excuse me, ladies. I'll be
right back.
As soon as Hannah exits the room Buzz keels over face-down
onto the table.
Hannah passes Woody, hidden in the Christmas lights, and
walks downstairs.
HANNAH
What is it, Mom? Mom, where are you?
Woody bolts into Hannah's room.
WOODY
Buzz! Hey, Buzz! Are you okay?
Buzz lifts his head up and wails in drunken despair.
BUZZ
Gone! It's all go-o-one! All of
it's gone. Bye-bye! Whoo-hoo!
See ya!
Woody picks up Buzz's severed arm.
WOODY
What happened to you?
BUZZ
One minute you're defending the
whole galaxy...
(pointing at other dolls)
...and suddenly you find yourself
suckin' down Darjeeling with Marie
Antoinette and her little sisters.
The headless dolls turn and wave.
Woody removes the teapot from the severed arm and sets it on
the table.
WOODY
I think you've had enough tea for
today.
(helping Buzz up)
Let's get you out of here, Buzz.
BUZZ
(grabbing Woody)
Don't you get it?! You see the hat?
I am Mrs. Nesbit!!
(hysterical laughter)
WOODY
Snap out of it, Buzz!
Woody presses Buzz's helmet open, slaps him across the face
with his own detached arm, and then politely closes the helmet.
Buzz sobers up and calmly takes his severed arm from Woody.
Buzz walks out of the room while Woody follows.
BUZZ
(sober)
I'm sorry. You're right.
INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
BUZZ
(continued)
...I'm just a little depressed,
that's all. I can get through this.
Buzz reaches the center of the hallway and drops to his knees.
BUZZ
Oh, I'm a sham!!
WOODY
(loud whisper)
Sh-h-h-h-h!! Quiet, Buzz.
BUZZ
Look at me! I can't even fly out
of a window!
Woody stops short. He looks down the hallway in the
direction of Sid's room.
ANGLE: SID'S BEDROOM WINDOW
Woody can see straight out Sid's window across the way to
Andy's bedroom window.
BUZZ
(continued)
But -- the hat looked good. Tell
me the hat looked good! The apron
is a bit much, it's not my color...
WOODY
Out the window...Buzz, you're a
genius!
Woody grabs the coil of Christmas lights and drags Buzz
towards Sid's room.
WOODY
(continued)
Come on, this way!
BUZZ
Years of Academy training...wasted!!
EXT. ANDY'S HOUSE/ANDY'S BEDROOM WINDOW
Mr. Potato Head and Hamm are playing Battleship. Hamm's
wearing Potato Head's hat.
MR. POTATO HEAD
B-3.
HAMM
Miss. G-6.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Ohhh! You sunk it!
HAMM
Heh-heh.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Are you peeking?
HAMM
Oh, quit your whining and pay up.
Potato Head reaches for his ear.
HAMM
No, no, not the ear. Gimme the
nose. C'mon!
MR. POTATO HEAD
(pulling out his
nose; nasally)
How 'bout three out of five?
He is about to hand his nose over to Hamm when...
WOODY (O.S.)
Hey guys! Guys! Hey!
Both toys look across the way.
EXT. SID'S WINDOW/ANDY'S BEDROOM WINDOW - CONTINUOUS
Woody has just finished lifting Sid's window and waves to
the toys.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Son of a building block, it's Woody!
HAMM
He's in the psycho's bedroom!
WOODY
Hi!
HAMM
(into Andy's bedroom)
Everyone, it's Woody!
INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Slinky, Bo Peep and Rex look to the window.
BO PEEP
Woody?!
REX
You're kidding?
SLINKY
Woody?!
INT. SID'S ROOM
WOODY
We're gonna get outta here, Buzz --
Buzz?
Buzz is not there. Woody looks down at the floor.
Buzz is sitting on the floor, playing "bombs away" with his
broken arm.
EXT. ANDY'S BEDROOM WINDOW/SID'S WINDOW
The rest of Andy's toys gather around the window to see Woody.
REX
Hey, look!
BO PEEP
Woody!
WOODY
Boy, am I glad to see you guys!
SLINKY
I knew you'd come back, Woody!
BO PEEP
What are you doing over there?
WOODY
It's a long story, Bo. I'll
explain later. Here, catch this!
Woody tosses one end of the Christmas lights over. Slinky
catches them.
SLINKY
I got it, Woody!
REX
(overly excited)
He got it, Woody!
WOODY
Good going, Slink! Now, just, just
tie it on to something!
MR. POTATO HEAD
Wait! Wait! I got a better idea!
How about we DON'T?!
Potato Head grabs the string of lights away from Slinky.
SLINKY
Hey?!!
BO PEEP
Potato Head!?
MR. POTATO HEAD
Did you all take stupid pills this
morning?! Have you forgotten what
he did to Buzz? And now you want
to let him back over here?
WOODY
No, no, no! You got it all wrong,
Potato Head. Buzz is fine! Buzz
is right here. He's with me!
MR. POTATO HEAD
You are a liar!
WOODY
No, I'm not!
(to Buzz)
Buzz, come over here and you just
tell the nice toys that you're not
dead.
ANGLE: BUZZ
He doesn't respond, preoccupied with peeling off the sticker
on his wrist communicator. He crumples it up and tosses it
aside.
WOODY
(to Andy's toys)
Just a sec.
INT. SID'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Frantic, Woody walks over to the edge of the desk.
WOODY
Buzz! Will you get up here and
give me a hand?!
Buzz's severed arm comes flying into view and lands by
Woody's feet.
WOODY
(insincerely)
Ha ha. That's very funny, Buzz.
(exploding)
This is serious!!
REX (O.S.)
Hey, Woody!? Where'd ya go?
MR. POTATO HEAD (O.S.)
He's lyin'. Buzz ain't there.
EXT. SID'S WINDOW/ANDY'S WINDOW
Woody reappears at the edge of Sid's window. He pretends to
notice something out of the other toy's view.
WOODY
(forced casualness)
Oh, hi Buzz! Why don't you say
"hello" to the guys over there?
BUZZ'S SEVERED ARM
suddenly appears with Woody holding the end just out of
sight. Woody throws his voice, pretending to be Buzz.
WOODY (AS BUZZ)
Hi ya, fellas. To infinity and
beyond!
REX
Hey look! It's Buzz!
WOODY
(shaking the arm's hand)
Yeah, hey Buzz. Let's show the
guys our new secret best-friends
hand shake. Gimme five, man!
HAMM
Something's screwy here.
WOODY
So, you see? We're friends now,
guys. Aren't we, Buzz?
(as BUZZ)
You bet. Gimme a hug.
Woody makes Buzz's arm grab his neck and pull him forward.
WOODY
(continued; as himself)
Ha, ha, oh, I love you, too.
SLINKY
See? It is Buzz. Now give back
the lights, Potato Head.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Wait just a minute. What are you
trying to pull?!
WOODY
Nothing.
Woody innocently shrugs and throws both his hands up...
...exposing the severed arm.
The toys all SCREAM in horror. Rex clasps his hands to his
mouth and turns away to BARF.
Realizing his mistake, Woody tries to hide the arm, but it's
too late.
HAMM
Oh, that is disgusting.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Murderer!
WOODY
No! No, no, no, no!
MR. POTATO HEAD
You murdering dog!
WOODY
No, it's not what you think, I swear!
MR. POTATO HEAD
Save it for the jury. I hope Sid
pulls your voice-box out, ya creep!
Potato Head drops the lights.
WOODY
No! No! Don't leave! Don't leave!
You've gotta help us, please! You
don't know what it's like over here!
MR. POTATO HEAD
(to the other toys)
Come on. Let's get out of here.
HAMM
Go back to your lives, citizens.
Show's over.
All the toys leave the window except Slinky.
WOODY
Come back! Slink! Slink, please!
Please! Listen to me!
Unable to look Woody in the eye, Slinky closes the blinds.
WOODY
(continued)
No! No! Come back! SLI-I-I-INKYYY!!
SFX: THUNDER
As storm clouds roll over Sid's house, Woody slumps over the
window sill in defeat.
INT. SID'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
BROKEN TOY SOUNDS emit from behind Woody. He turns from the
window to see...
THE MUTANT TOYS
converging all around Buzz.
WOODY
BUZZ!!
Still holding onto Buzz's arm, Woody jumps down from the
desk and runs to Buzz's rescue.
WOODY
Go away, you disgusting freaks!
Babyface turns from the fray and charges at Woody with his
erector-set pinchers.
Woody cowers, shielding himself from Buzz's arm.
Babyface clamps onto the arm and has a tug-o-war with Woody.
WOODY
Alright back! Back, you cannibals!
Woody loses his grip on the arm and sails across the room,
crashing into the wall.
By now there is no sight of Buzz within the swarming mass of
mutant toys.
Woody attacks the mob with a vengeance.
WOODY
He is still alive, and you're not
gonna get him, you monsters!
He furiously throws the mutant toys aside, digging his way
to...
BUZZ
He is sitting up, his broken arm now newly-attached.
Woody's anger turns to confusion.
WOODY
Hey?! Hey, they fixed you!
Woody shakes Buzz's arm to confirm what he's seeing is real
when he looks to the mutants.
WOODY
(continued)
But -- but they're cannibals. We
saw them eat those other toys.
The mutant toys part to reveal the recent victims of Sid's
last "operation": The Janie Doll and Pterodactyl. Their
heads have been taped back on the correct bodies.
The mutants all innocently stare at Woody.
WOODY
Uh...sorry. I...I thought that you
were gonna...
(laughs nervously)
...you know, eat my friend.
Immediately, the mutant toys retreat back into the dark
corners of the room.
WOODY
Hey! No, no, wait! Hey! What's
wrong?
SID'S MOM (O.S.)
Sid!
SID (O.S.)
Not now, Mom, I'm BUSY!
WOODY
Sid!!!
FOOTSTEPS approach the bedroom. Woody tries to pick up the
still depressed Buzz, but he just goes limp.
WOODY
Buzz! C'mon, get up! Buzz,
you're...
(GRUNT)
...get up...
Woody begins dragging Buzz towards the bed, but their
progress is too slow. He shakes Buzz hard.
WOODY
Fine. Let Sid trash you. But
don't blame me.
Woody leaves Buzz sitting alone in the middle of the floor
and hides underneath a nearby milkcrate just as...
Sid enters carrying a big box.
SID
It came! It finally came!
Sid runs over to his workbench and rips open the box.
SID
(reverently)
The big one.
He pulls out a rocket with "THE BIG ONE" written on it.
SID
(reading the rocket label)
"Extremely dangerous. Keep out of
reach of children." COOL...
(looks around)
What am I gonna blow? Man...hey,
where's that wimpy cowboy doll?
Sid spots the milkcrate and picks it up.
No Woody.
ANGLE: UNDERSIDE OF MILKCRATE
Out of Sid's view, Woody presses against the inside, hanging
on for dear life.
SFX: BUZZ'S LASER
Sid looks down and notices he's stepping on Buzz, activating
his laser.
SID
Yes! I've always wanted to put a
spaceman into orbit. Ha-ha.
He places Buzz and the milkcrate on the workbench and throws
a toolbox on top of the crate.
The impact of the toolbox dislodges Woody from his hiding
place. Woody quickly ducks under a magazine on the floor of
the crate "jail."
Woody watches helplessly as Sid fishes out a roll of
electrical tape from the toolbox and, with an IRREVERENT
CHUCKLE, tapes Buzz to the rocket.
SFX: THUNDERCLAP
A flash of lightning interrupts the moment.
SID
Oh, no...
Sid crosses to the window to see a huge rainstorm commence.
Sullenly, he smacks his head against the window.
SID
Aw, man...!
Woody heaves a SIGH of relief.
Suddenly Sid's face brightens. He turns his focus from the
rain to the Buzzrocket.
SID
(as Newscaster)
Sid Phillips reporting. Launch of
the shuttle has been delayed due to
adverse weather conditions at the
launch site. Tomorrow's forecast...
Sid smacks Buzz down on the desk, winds his alarm clock, and
places it next to Buzz.
SID
Sunny. Ha-ha-ha. Sweet dreams.
INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM - THAT NIGHT
Andy is being tucked into bed by his mother. She hands him
his cowboy hat.
MRS. DAVIS
I looked everywhere, honey, but all
I could find was your hat.
ANDY
(groggy)
But what if we leave them behind?
MRS. DAVIS
Oh, don't worry, honey, I'm sure
we'll find Woody and Buzz before we
leave tomorrow.
Andy's eyes shut. Mom turns out the light and quietly exits
the room.
A moving box on the floor, with the words "Andy's Toys!"
scrawled on it, begins to shake from side to side.
REX (O.S.)
(muffled)
Aaaah! I need air!
Rex pops out of the top of the box, COUGHING a packing
styrofoam peanut out of his mouth. Potato Head appears
beside him.
REX
(relieved)
Aa-a-a-a-ah!
(COUGH)
MR. POTATO HEAD
Will you quit moving around?!
REX
I'm sorry. It's just that I get so
nervous before I travel.
MR. POTATO HEAD
How did I get stuck with YOU as a
moving buddy?
Potato Head drops back down into the box.
REX
(following Potato Head)
Everyone else was picked.
BO PEEP
peeks around the corner of one of the boxes and looks up at
Andy fast asleep clutching his cowboy hat.
BO PEEP
Oh, Woody, if only you could see
how much Andy misses you.
EXT. SID'S HOUSE - LATER THAT NIGHT
THUNDER RUMBLES as rain pours down outside the spooky dwelling.
INT. SID'S ROOM
Sid is in bed fast asleep.
Woody struggles to move his milkcrate jail, but with the
weight of the toolbox on top it won't budge.
Woody looks across the desktop at Buzz sitting dejectedly
with the rocket strapped to his back.
WOODY
Ps-s-s-s-t! Psst! Hey, Buzz!
No reaction from Buzz.
Woody picks up a stray washer from the desktop and flings it
at Buzz, striking his helmet.
Buzz lifts his head and turns lifelessly to look at Woody.
WOODY
Hey! Get over here and see if you
can get this tool box off me.
Buzz just looks away from Woody and bows his head.
WOODY
Oh, come on, Buzz. I...Buzz, I
can't do this without you. I need
your help.
BUZZ
I can't help. I can't help anyone.
WOODY
Why, sure you can, Buzz. You can
get me out of here and then I'll
get that rocket off you, and we'll
make a break for Andy's house.
BUZZ
Andy's house. Sid's house. What's
the difference.
WOODY
Oh, Buzz, you've had a big fall.
You must not be thinking clearly.
BUZZ
No, Woody, for the first time I am
thinking clearly.
(looking at himself)
You were right all along. I'm not
a Space Ranger. I'm just a toy. A
stupid little insignificant toy.
WOODY
Whoa, hey -- wait a minute. Being
a toy is a lot better than being a
Space Ranger.
BUZZ
Yeah, right.
WOODY
No, it is. Look, over in that
house is a kid who thinks you are
the greatest, and it's not because
you're a Space Ranger, pal, it's
because you're a TOY! You are HIS
toy.
BUZZ
But why would Andy want me?
WOODY
Why would Andy want you?! Look at
you! You're a Buzz Lightyear. Any
other toy would give up his moving
parts just to be you. You've got
wings, you glow in the dark, you
talk, your helmet does that -- that
whoosh thing -- you are a COOL toy.
Woody pauses and looks at himself.
WOODY
(continued; depressed)
As a matter of fact you're too cool.
I mean -- I mean what chance does a
toy like me have against a Buzz
Lightyear action figure? All I can
do is...
Woody pulls his own pull-string.
WOODY (VOICE BOX)
There's a snake in my boots!
Woody bows his head.
WOODY
Why would Andy ever want to play
with me, when he's got you?
(pause)
I'm the one that should be strapped
to that rocket.
Woody slumps dejectedly against the crate, his back to Buzz.
Buzz lifts up his foot.
ANGLE: THE SOLE OF BUZZ'S FOOT
The signature "ANDY" reads through the dirt and scuff marks.
Buzz gazes back at Woody. A look of determination spreads
across his face.
WOODY
Listen Buzz, forget about me. You
should get out of here while you can.
Silence.
Woody turns around.
Buzz is gone.
Suddenly, the entire milkcrate begins to shake. Woody looks
up to see...
BUZZ
He is on top of the milkcrate, trying to push the tool box off.
WOODY
Buzz!! What are you doing? I
thought you were --
BUZZ
Come on, Sheriff. There's a kid
over in that house who needs us.
Now let's get you out of this thing.
WOODY
Yes Sir!
Both Buzz and Woody push the milkcrate and together, they
finally get it to move but it's slow progress.
WOODY
(strained)
Come on, Buzz! We can do it!
SFX: TRUCK
The two toys stop to look out the window by the workbench.
ANGLE: OUT SID'S BEDROOM WINDOW
With the rain stopped and the sun beginning to rise...
A MOVING TRUCK
can be seen pulling up in front of Andy's house.
BUZZ
Woody! It's the moving van.
WOODY
We've got to get out of here...NOW.
Buzz braces himself between the tool chest and the wall.
Using his legs, Buzz pushes with all his might. The toolbox
begins to move.
Woody notices that with every shove Buzz gives to the tool
chest, the milkcrate begins to edge out over the lip of the
desk.
WOODY
C'mon, Buzz.
Finally the gap is wide enough for Woody to jump through.
Woody drops down to the floor below.
WOODY
(loud whisper)
Alright. Buzz! Hey! I'm out!
Buzz doesn't hear Woody and continues to shove the toolbox
(and milkcrate) farther out.
BUZZ
...almost
(GRUNT)
...there
(GRUNT)
...
Woody looks up just in time to see the entire toolbox and
milkcrate topple towards him.
WOODY
(nervous laugh)
The toolbox CRASHES right on top of Woody.
Buzz falls onto the desktop and glances over to Sid, who
stirs...
SID
(in his sleep)
I wanna ride the pony...
Sid does not wake. Buzz heaves a SIGH OF RELIEF, then peers
over the edge of the workbench.
BUZZ
Woody! Woody?! Are you alright?!
Woody lifts himself out from under the rubble.
WOODY
(punch-drunk)
No, I'm fine...I'm okay...
SFX: ALARM CLOCK
It goes off by Sid's bed. Woody drops back under the
toolbox and Buzz goes limp.
Sid groggily sits up for a beat, then his eyes light up.
SID
Oh, yeah! Time for lift-off!
Sid jumps out of bed, grabs Buzz and bolts out of the room.
SID (O.S.)
TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!!
Woody leaps to his feet, runs across the room, and catches
the door just before it closes. As he swings the door back
open Woody is confronted by...
SCUD
The dog barrels down the hallway straight for Woody.
WOODY
Aaah! Back! Back! Down! Down!
Woody slams the door shut just in time. Scud BARKS AND
SCRATCHES at the door.
WOODY
(out of breath; to himself)
Okay, what do I do? Come on Woody,
think!
Woody looks across the room.
THE MUTANT TOYS
have appeared all around the room.
WOODY
Guys!
The mutant toys all scatter and hide.
WOODY
No, no, no! Wait! Wait! Listen!
Please! There's a good toy down
there and he's -- he's going to be
blown to bits in a few minutes all
because of me. I've gotta save him!
(pause)
-- But I need your help.
No response.
Woody then notices Babyface timidly peeking out of the
shadows from under the bed.
WOODY
Please. He's my friend. He's the
only one I've got.
Babyface crawls out and bangs in code on the side of Sid's
metal bedpost.
The mutant toys emerge from the shadows, and gather around
Woody. He kneels down into a huddle with them.
WOODY
(to Babyface)
Thank you.
(to the others)
Okay. I think I know what to do.
We're going to have to break a few
rules, but if it works, it'll help
everybody.
INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM
THE MOVERS cart out the last load. A forlorn Andy clutches
onto Buzz's "spaceship" box in one hand and his cowboy hat
in the other.
Andy scans the empty room and heaves a sad SIGH.
EXT. BACKYARD SHED
Sid comes out of the she carrying a bunch of materials under
his arm.
SID
(as Astronaut)
Houston to Mission Control. Come
in, Control.
He drops the junk down beside an inanimate Buzz.
SID
(continued)
Launch pad is being constructed!
Heh-heh.
SID'S UPSTAIRS HALLWAY
Scud is planted right outside Sid's bedroom door, poised to
attack anything that exits.
INT. SID'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Woody has created a little diagram of the house and yard out
of dominoes and Scrabble tiles. He points to it with a
pencil as he addresses the mutants.
WOODY
All right, listen up. I need Pump
Boy here -- Ducky here. Legs?
LEGS, the toy fishing rod with fashion doll legs, steps
forward from the crowd.
WOODY
(continued; to Legs)
You're with Ducky.
(to the others)
RollerBob and I don't move till we
get the signal. Clear?
The mutants all give an affirmative nod.
WOODY
Okay, let's move!
The toys all break.
Legs and DUCKY, a duck head Pez dispenser with baby doll
torso and plunger base, rush over to a heating grate and
pull the face plate off the wall. They disappear into the
heating duct.
INT. HEATING DUCT - CONTINUOUS
Ducky and Legs come to an intersection. Ducky QUACKS and
they head down the right tunnel.
INT. SID'S ROOM
HAND-IN-THE-BOX, the rubber hand in the Jack-in-the-box,
stacks on top of several mutant toys to reach the doorknob
of the bedroom door.
Woody hops onto ROLLERBOB, a skateboard with a soldier's
upper torso tied to its front.
WOODY
Wind the frog!
WALKING CAR, a Hot Wheels car with baby arms, begins winding
up THE FROG, a tin wind-up frog with monster truck wheels
instead of legs.
INT. SID'S HOUSE/PORCH ATTIC
A bottom of wall insulation is pushed aside to reveal Ducky
and Legs. They make their way towards a junction box
sitting in the center of the floor.
Ducky and Legs lift the loose junction box.
EXT. SID'S HOUSE/FRONT PORCH - CONTINUOUS
THE BROKEN PORCH LIGHT
suddenly lifts upward and disappears into the roof.
Ducky extends his Pez neck out of the hole to check that the
coast is clear.
INT. SID'S ROOM
All the toys have manned their positions and wait silently,
their eyes fixed on Woody.
WOODY
Wait for the signal.
INT. PORCH ATTIC
Ducky takes the end of the line off Legs' fishing reel,
hooks it onto himself, and is then lowered down through the
open hole.
EXT. FRONT PORCH - CONTINUOUS
Hanging halfway down the front door, Ducky begins to swing.
Eventually he swings far enough to reach his destination:
the doorbell.
Ducky presses it.
SFX: DOORBELL
INT. SID'S ROOM
Woody throws his arm down.
WOODY
Go!!
Hand-in-the-box throws open the door and The Frog is let loose.
The Frog zips through Scud's legs and down the hallway.
Scud chases after it and follows it down the stairs.
SFX: DOORBELL
HANNAH (O.S.)
I'll get it!
Woody helps the rest of the mutant toys onto the skateboard.
WOODY
Alright, let's go.
Using his front arms, Rollerbob propels the skateboard and
crew out into the hallway.
INT. SID'S HOUSE/ENTRYWAY
SFX: DOORBELL
Hannah walks to the front door...
HANNAH
I'm coming! I'm coming!
...and opens it.
EXT./INT. FRONT DOORWAY - CONTINUOUS
Nobody's there.
Hannah doesn't notice Ducky stuck to the porch floor by his
plunger.
THE FROG
zooms down the stairs with Scud BARKING right behind. The
Frog leaps off the last step, speeds through Hannah's legs
and out the open front door.
Hannah looks back inside at Scud. In that moment, Ducky
catches the Frog and is quickly reeled upwards back into the
roof.
Scud bursts through Hannah's legs, knocking her over, and
runs out onto the empty porch.
HANNAH
(annoyed)
SCUD!!!
Scud suddenly realizes he's been duped, but before he can
get back inside, Hannah slams the front door shut.
HANNAH
Stupid dog.
Scud smashes into the closed door and begins BARKING furiously.
As Hannah storms off into another room she doesn't notice
Woody and the mutants zipping off the stairs and round the
corner, heading straight into the kitchen.
INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
By now RollerBob has really picked up speed. He shoots
underneath the kitchen table, through the maze of chair
legs, straight towards...
THE PET DOOR
WOODY
Lean back!
The mutants all push back causing the RollerBob to do a
wheelie. They smash through the doggie door...
EXT. SID'S BACKYARD - CONTINUOUS
...and catapult into the bushes.
The toys peek out from the bush to see Buzz strapped to the
launchpad. Sid is still in the toolshed.
SID (O.S.; AS ASTRONAUT)
Uh, Mission Control...is the
launchpad construction complete? --
(simulated static)
Uh, Roger, rocket is now secured to
guide wire. We are currently
obtaining the...ignition sticks.
Countdown will commence momentarily.
Stand by --
(simulated static)
Ducky, Legs, and the Frog shoot out into the yard from a
drain pipe. They exchange a thumbs-up with Woody.
WOODY
(to toys in the bush)
Let's go!
The mutants disperse to their designated places in the yard.
SID (O.S.)
Hey, Mom?! Where are the matches?
Oh, oh, wait, here they are.
Nevermind...
Woody runs towards Buzz, who spots Woody approaching.
BUZZ
(loud whisper)
Woody?! Great! Help me out of
this thing!
Woody stops a few feet away from Buzz.
WOODY
Shhhhhhh!
BUZZ
What?!
WOODY
(loud whisper)
It's ok. Everything's under control.
Woody deliberately falls down limp on the grass.
BUZZ
Woody?! What are you doing?!
Sid emerges from the tool shed. Buzz freezes.
SID (AS ASTRONAUT)
Houston, all systems are go.
Requesting permission to launch --
(spotting Woody)
Hey! How'd you get out here?
Sid picks up Woody, examines him for a beat and then smiles.
SID
Oh, well, you and I can have a
cookout later. Ha-ha-ha...
He sticks a match prominently in Woody's holster and tosses
him onto the grill of an open barbecue.
SID (AS ASTRONAUT)
Houston, do we have permission to
launch? --
(simulated static)
Uh, Roger, permission granted. You
are confirmed at T minus 10 seconds...
During Sid's countdown, all the mutants scurry into their
final positions.
Sid lights a match.
SID
(continued)
...and counting. Ten! Nine!
Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four!
Three! Two!... One!...
Sid grins menacingly as the match moves towards the fuse.
WOODY (VOICE BOX)
Reach for the sky!!
SID
Huh?
Sid pulls back from lighting the fuse. He turns to look at
Woody still lying lifelessly atop the barbecue except for
the sound emitting from his voice box.
WOODY (VOICE BOX)
This town ain't big enough for the
two of us!
SID
What?!
Sid walks over to Woody and picks him up.
WOODY (VOICE BOX)
Somebody's poisoned the water hole...
SID
It's busted.
He raises Woody up, about to throw him away --
WOODY (VOICE BOX)
Who are you callin' busted, Buster?!
Sid stops short and looks at Woody again.
WOODY (VOICE BOX)
(continued)
That's right. I'm talking to YOU,
Sid Phillips. We don't like being
blown up, Sid, or smashed, or
ripped apart...
While Woody's voice box talks, Sid checks the pullstring.
It isn't moving. Sid GULPS.
SID
W-w-w-we?
WOODY (VOICE BOX)
That's right.
(beat)
Your toys.
The remains of broken toys in the yard, led by the bedroom
mutants, begin rising from the ground in "NIGHT OF THE
LIVING DEAD" fashion.
The toys march forward, forming a circle around Sid. Sid is
too frightened to scream or move.
WOODY (VOICE BOX)
From now on, you must take good
care of your toys. Because if you
don't, we'll find out, Sid. We
toys can see...
Woody's inanimate head rotates 360 degrees.
WOODY (VOICE BOX)
(continued)
...everything.
For a split second Woody's face comes to life.
WOODY
(regular voice)
So play nice.
Sid drops Woody and bolts inside the house.
SID
AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
Woody and all the toys CHEER VICTORIOUSLY.
INT. SID'S ENTRYWAY
Hannah has just come downstairs carrying a new doll when Sid
rushes up to her.
SID
The toys! The toys are alive!
Sid eyes Hannah's doll and pats it gently on the head.
SID
(continued)
N-N-Nice dolly...
Hannah, sensing Sid's fear, suddenly thrusts the doll in
Sid's face. He SCREAMS and runs upstairs. Hannah chases
after him, taunting.
HAMM
What's wrong, Sid?! Don't you want
to play with Sally?!
EXT. SID'S BACKYARD
The toys are all congratulating one another.
WOODY
Nice work, fellahs. Good job.
Comin' out of the ground -- what a
touch! That was a stroke of genius.
BUZZ
Woody!
Woody turns around and looks at Buzz, who's still affixed to
Sid's launchpad. Buzz extends his hand to Woody.
BUZZ
Thanks.
They shake.
SFX: VAN HORN HONKING
MRS. DAVIS (O.S.)
Everybody say, "Bye, house."
ANDY (O.S.)
(depressed)
Bye, house.
Buzz and Woody look in the direction of Andy's house.
ANGLE: ANDY'S DRIVEWAY - THE FAMILY VAN
Through the fence, Andy and his family can be seen getting
into the van.
BUZZ
Woody! The van!
Woody quickly hoists Buzz off the pole he was tied to.
WOODY
(to mutant toys)
We gotta run! Thanks, guys.
With the rocket still taped to Buzz, the two toys sprint
towards the fence.
SFX: VAN ENGINE STARTING
WOODY
Quick!
Woody easily slips through the slats in the fence, but
Buzz's rocket causes him to become stuck.
EXT. ANDY'S DRIVEWAY - CONTINUOUS
Woody has climbed up on to the rear bumper of the van before
realizing that Buzz is missing. He looks back to discover
Buzz stuck in the fence.
BUZZ
Just go! I'll catch up!
Woody jumps down and runs back for Buzz.
The van begins pulling out of the driveway.
Woody tugs on a loosened slat and breaks Buzz free of the
fence.
The two toys run out into the street just in time to see the
van driving off down the street.
SFX: TRUCK ENGINE
Woody and Buzz turn around.
THE MOVING VAN
drives right over them. Woody and Buzz SCREAM, ducking just
in time.
After the truck passes, Buzz runs after it with Woody a few
steps behind.
BUZZ
Come on!
ANGLE: SID'S FRONT PORCH
Scud is lying on the porch when he suddenly perks up at the
sight of the two tiny toys running down the street after the
moving truck.
Scud bears his teeth and GROWLS.
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET
Buzz runs up close to the truck with Woody still back a few
paces.
A STRAP
dangles off the back of the truck. Buzz makes a leap for it
and grabs hold. He climbs up the strap and onto the bumper.
Woody then lunges for the strap but it stays just out of reach.
BUZZ
You can do it, Woody.
Woody gives a mighty leap and catches hold of the strap.
WOODY
Whew, I made it!
Woody begins climbing up when suddenly Buzz goes pale.
Woody looks behind him to see...
SCUD
The dog leaps forward and bites down on one of Woody's legs.
WOODY
(kicking Scud with
other foot)
Aaaaaahh!! Get away, you stupid
dog! Down! Down!
Scud tugs on Woody, pulling him down to the end of the strap.
BUZZ
Hold on, Woody!
WOODY
I can't do it! Take care of Andy
for me!
BUZZ
NO-O-O-O-O-O-O!!
Buzz leaps off of the truck and onto Scuds snout. He grabs
Scud's eyelids and snaps them hard. Scud YELPS, letting go
of Woody. The dog bucks wildly with Buzz hanging onto his
face.
WOODY
Buzz!
The moving truck continues down the street leaving Buzz and
Scud behind.
Still hanging onto the strap, Woody scrambles up onto the
bumper. He unlocks the back door of the truck and tries to
lift up the heavy door.
Suddenly, the family van and moving truck come to a stop at
a traffic light.
Woody slams into the door, causing it to fly upward taking
Woody with it.
Hanging from the door, Woody scans the inside of the truck
until he spots what he's looking for.
A PILE OF MOVING BOXES
with the words "ANDY'S TOYS" written on them in crayon.
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET
Scud flings Buzz off his face. Buzz goes tumbling under a
parked car. Scud runs over to the car, but is too big to
get under it.
INT. BACK OF MOVING TRUCK
Woody rips into one of Andy's boxes.
ANGLE: INSIDE OF BOX
All the toys wince and MOAN as they cover their eyes from
the sudden brightness.
TOYS
What?!
REX
Are we there already?
SLINKY
Woody?! How'd you --
Woody's response is to slide the box aside and begin
rummaging through the next box.
Slinky, Potato Head, Rex and the other toys GRUMBLE IN
CONFUSION as they poke their heads up out of the first box.
WOODY
Ah-hah! There you are!!
Woody pulls the RC Car and its remote out of the second box.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Hey! What's he doing?
Woody runs to the back of the truck and throws the RC Car
out onto the street. The other toys SCREAM in horror.
REX
He's at it again!
INTERCUT - EXT. STREET/INT. REAR OF MOVING TRUCK
Woody turns on the remote and steers the RC car past Scud
and under the parked car where Buzz is hiding.
RC's motor WHIRRS happily at the sight of Buzz.
The traffic light turns green allowing the van and truck to
cross the intersection.
MR. POTATO HEAD
(pointing at Woody)
Get him!!!
All the toys pour out of their boxes and CHARGE on Woody.
WOODY
Ah-h!! Ah-h! No, no!
Woody continues to steer the remote while trying to avoid
the angry mob of toys.
Buzz jumps on to the RC car and they zoom back towards the
moving truck.
Scud is right on their heels and is about to chomp down on
Buzz --
Rocky picks up Woody and spins him over his head.
WOODY
No, no, no! Wait!
(as Rocky spins him)
Whoa-Whoa-Whoa...!
-- The RC car suddenly swerves from Scud's jaws and starts
doing doughnuts (matching Woody's) in the middle of the street.
BUZZ
(spinning)
Whoa-Whoa-Whoa...!
Rocky throws Woody to the floor.
-- RC resumes his course straight down the street with Scud
giving close chase.
Hamm leaps off a pile of boxes and onto Woody.
HAMM
Pig pile!!
-- The RC car hops up in the air, tossing Buzz up and off.
Buzz manages to land back on RC, but facing backwards.
ANGLE: TRAFFIC LIGHT
It changes red again and the wall of cross traffic resumes.
Buzz and the RC car drive straight into it.
Scud blindly follows them into the traffic and skids to a
halt just missing a car. The car swerves and CRASHES into
another car. Soon there is a multi-car pile up that
encircles Scud, entrapping the dog.
Buzz and the RC car emerge from the intersection safely on
the other side.
INT. BACK OF MOVING TRUCK
The mob of toys lift up Woody (still holding the remote) and
head for the open back.
WOODY
No wait! You don't understand!
Buzz is out there! We've gotta
help him!!
MR. POTATO HEAD
Toss 'im overboard!
WOODY
No, no, no, wait!
The toys toss him out into the road. As the truck drives
off, the toys CHEER.
MR. POTATO HEAD
So long Woody!
EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS
SFX: CAR HORN
Woody turns around and ducks just in time as a car passes
over him.
Shaken, Woody tries to get up again when...
BUZZ & RC
come barreling towards him.
BUZZ
Who-o-o-oa! Woody!
The RC Car sweeps up Woody and keeps driving.
Woody finds himself sitting in front of Buzz (still holding
the remote).
WOODY
Well, thanks for the ride.
BUZZ
(pointing ahead)
Look out!!
The toys are about to slam into the rear tire of the car
that had passed over Woody earlier.
Woody SCREAMS and gives the steering wheel on the remote a
hard left, missing the tire by inches. The RC Car moves up
under the car.
WOODY
Now let's catch up to that truck!
ANGLE: RC REMOTE
Woody flicks a switch from "ON" to "TURBO."
The RC Car speeds up towards the moving truck.
INT. BACK OF MOVING TRUCK
The toys are busy CONGRATULATING one another when Lenny, the
wind-up binoculars, glances out the back and spots Buzz and
Woody.
LENNY
Guys! Guys! Woody's riding RC!
And Buzz is with him!
TOYS
What?!!!
The toys rush to the edge of the open truck. Bo picks up
Lenny and looks through him.
ANGLE: BINOCULAR VIEW OF BUZZ & WOODY
BO PEEP
It is Buzz! Woody was telling the
truth!
SLINKY
What have we done?!
REX
Great. Now I have guilt.
EXT. STREET/BACK OF MOVING TRUCK
The RC Car begins to gain on the truck.
WOODY
We're almost there.
BO PEEP
Rocky! The ramp!
Rocky, the wrestler doll, rushes over to a lever on the side
of the back. The sign above it reads "RAMP: UP/DOWN."
Rocky pushes down hard on the lever. The ramp begins to lower.
Woody & Buzz look up to see the ramp about to come down
right on top of them.
BUZZ
Look out!!
The RC Car pulls back just before the heavy ramp slams into
the road. Sparks fly everywhere from the metal scraping the
pavement.
SLINKY
(to other toys)
Quick! Hold on to my tail!
Potato Head and Rex grabs on to Slinky's tail allowing
Slinky's front end to jump off the truck and onto the ramp.
Slinky leans forward with his paw outstretched to Woody.
Woody hands the remote to Buzz and leans forward to grab
Slinky's hand.
ANGLE: WOODY & SLINKY'S HANDS
They grab hold of one another.
MR. POTATO HEAD
That a boy, Slink!!
All of a sudden, the RC Car begins to slow down pulling
Slinky's front end off the ramp.
SLINKY
Woody!!
His slinky middle begins to stretch and stretch...
SLINKY
Woody! Speed up!
WOODY
(to Buzz)
Speed up!
BUZZ
The batteries! They're running out!
RC's headlight eyes sag. The car slows even more.
As Slinky continues stretching. The RC Car begins to weave
side-to-side like a water skier.
SLINKY
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
INT. FAMILY VAN
With Mom and Andy preoccupied, baby Molly looks in her
sideview mirror.
ANGLE: PASSENGER SIDE MIRROR
The RC Car (w/ Woody and Buzz) weaves into view and then
back out.
Molly SQUEALS with delight.
EXT. STREET/BACK OF MOVING TRUCK
With Slinky's mid-section stretched to the limit, he begins
to lose his grip on Woody.
SLINKY
I can't hold on much longer!
WOODY
Slink! Hang on!
Slinky's hand slips, sending his front shooting back into
the moving truck and knocking over all the toys.
The RC Car sputters to a stop.
Woody and Buzz watch in vain as the family van and moving
truck disappear.
Buzz tosses the remote to the ground in frustration.
WOODY
(sarcastic)
Great!
BEAT
BUZZ
Woody! The rocket!
WOODY
The match!
Woody pulls out the match from his holster that Sid had put
there earlier.
WOODY
(continued)
Yes! Thank you, Sid!
Woody runs around behind Buzz, strikes the match against
RC's back tire, and is about to light the fuse when...
A CAR
whizzes right over them, blowing out the match.
Woody clenches the burnt match in his hands and falls
prostrate to the ground.
WOODY
No-o-o! No-no-no-no! No-o-o!
Unable to watch a cowboy cry, Buzz bows his head, causing
his helmet to block the sun from Woody.
As Buzz's shadow passes over him, Woody stops whimpering and
looks at his hand.
A WHITE HOT DOT
like the one generated from Sid's magnifying glass, appears
on the back of Woody's hand.
Woody leaps up, grabs Buzz's helmet and aligns it so the
white dot hits the tip of the fuse.
BUZZ
Woody?! What are you doing?
WOODY
Hold still, Buzz!
The fuse lights.
WOODY
Ha-ha!!
BUZZ
You did it! Next stop. Andy.
Woody jumps back onto the car then suddenly stops smiling.
WOODY
Wait a minute...I just lit a rocket.
Rockets explo --
SFX: ROCKET EXPLOSION
The RC Car rockets forward. Speeding along the dividing
line in the road, it easily passes car after car until the
moving truck can be seen on the horizon.
EXT. BACK OF MOVING TRUCK
The toys are gathered around Slinky, his spring splayed out
on the floor.
SLINKY
I shoulda held on longer.
Lenny looks out the back again.
LENNY
Look! Look! It's Woody and Buzz!
Comin' up fast!
The toys run to the opening and CHEER.
ANGLE: BUZZ AND WOODY
The rocket is so strong that it begins to lift Buzz and
Woody off the RC Car. Woody manages to continue holding
onto RC -- but not for long.
The toys CHEERING turns to SCREAMING as they rush to get out
of the way of the oncoming "RC rocket."
REX
Take cover!!
Woody is forced to let go of the RC Car.
They separate, sending the two toys upward and RC into the
back of the truck.
RC smashes into Potato Head, sending all of his parts flying.
EXT. SKY - BUZZ AND WOODY
The rocket hurtles upward higher and higher.
WOODY
Ahhh!! This is the part where we
blow up!
BUZZ
Not today!
Buzz confidently presses the button on his chest.
WINGS
jut out of Buzz, severing the tape that holds him to rocket.
The toys separate from the rocket just before it BLOWS UP.
The toys plummet.
WOODY
(covering his eyes)
Ah-h-h-h-h!!
Just then Buzz banks under some power lines and soars upward
again. Woody takes a peek.
They're flying.
WOODY
Hey, Buzz!! You're flying!!
BUZZ
This isn't flying. This is
falling -- with style!
WOODY
Ha ha!! To Infinity and Beyond!!
They soar gracefully towards the moving truck, but then pass
over it.
WOODY
Uh, Buzz?! We missed the truck!
BUZZ
We're not aiming for the truck!
ANGLE: FAMILY VAN
Buzz and Woody fly right over the van's sun roof and then
drop into the car.
INT. FAMILY VAN - CONTINUOUS
Before anyone can notice, Woody and Buzz land in an open box
in the back seat right next to Andy.
Andy turns to discover the limp Buzz and Woody lying in the
box.
ANDY
Hey! Wow!
MRS. DAVIS
What? What is it?
ANDY
(picking up the toys)
Woody! Buzz!
MRS. DAVIS
Oh, great, you found them. Where
were they?
ANDY
Here! In the car!
MRS. DAVIS
See? Now, what did I tell you?
Right where you left them.
Andy hugs both toys.
CLOSE UP - WOODY AND BUZZ
They give each other a knowing wink.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. ANDY'S NEW HOUSE - CHRISTMAS MORNING - LIVING ROOM BAY
WINDOW
Through the gently falling snow, the Davis family can be
seen around the Christmas tree unwrapping presents.
ANDY
Which one can I open first?
MRS. DAVIS
Let's let Molly open one.
INT. ANDY'S NEW HOUSE/LIVING ROOM - CHRISTMAS TREE
One of the Christmas bulbs moves aside to reveal...
THE SARGENT
The plastic green soldier spies on the Davis family with his
binoculars. He turns and motions back into the tree.
INT. CHRISTMAS TREE
A baby monitor sits wedged between some branches supported
by several green army men. One of the soldiers turns it on.
INT. ANDY'S NEW BEDROOM
The receiving end of the monitor is atop Andy's night stand.
It CRACKLES WITH STATIC.
SARGENT (O.S.)
(over the monitor)
Frankincense, this is Myrrh. Come
in, Frankincense.
Buzz sits on the edge of Andy's bed while Hamm rests on the
nightstand alongside the monitor. They listen intently.
HAMM
(to the room)
Hey, heads up everybody! It's
showtime.
Woody and the rest of the toys are MINGLING together like a
typical office Christmas party.
REX
Oh! It's time!
The toys all stop and run towards the monitor.
Woody is about to follow when a crook pulls him backwards to
reveal...
BO PEEP
WOODY
Whoooooah! Oh! Bo!
(rubbing his neck)
There's gotta be a less painful way
to get my attention.
BO PEEP
Merry Christmas, Sheriff.
She smiles and points her crook upwards to her sheep perched
on a shelf dangling mistletoe.
WOODY
Say, isn't that mistletoe?
BO PEEP
Mm-hmmmmm.
Bo drops her crook, dips Woody and KISSES him.
The rest of the toys have congregated below the monitor
restless with "excitement" not fear.
REX
(to Slinky)
Maybe Andy'll get another dinosaur,
like a leaf-eater. That way, I
could play the, uh, dominant
predator. Ha ha ha!
Slinky LAUGHS with Rex.
BUZZ
Quiet everyone, quiet!
SARGENT (O.S.)
(over monitor)
Molly's first present i-i-is...Mrs.
Potato Head. Repeat. A Mrs.
Potato Head.
HAMM
Way to go, Idaho!
All the toys CONGRATULATE Potato Head.
MR. POTATO HEAD
Gee, I better shave.
Potato Head whips off his moustache piece.
Woody climbs up onto the bed and joins Buzz. Lipstick now
covers Woody's face.
SARGENT (O.S.)
(over monitor)
Come in, Frankincense. Andy is now
opening his first present --
(STATIC)
Buzz bangs on the side of the monitor. Nothing.
WOODY
Buzz. Buzz Lightyear. You are not
worried, are you?
SARGENT (O.S.)
(over monitor)
I can't quite make out --
(STATIC)
BUZZ
(defensively)
Me? No, no, no, no...
(beat)
Are you?
WOODY
(laughing)
Now Buzz, what could Andy possibly
get that is worse than you?!
We TRUCK OUT through the window to the EXT. as we HEAR...
ANDY (O.S.)
Oh, what is it? What is it?
SFX: BARKING
ANDY (O.S.)
Wow! A puppy!
We ZOOM BACK through the window to a CLOSE UP of Buzz and
Woody.
They look at one another with a half-smile, half-grimace and
LAUGH WEAKLY.
Pumbaa: Finding Nemo!
MARLIN
Wow.
CORAL
Mmm.
MARLIN
Wow.
CORAL
Mmm-hmm.
MARLIN
Wow.
CORAL
Yes, Marlin. No, I see it. It's beautiful.
MARLIN
So, Coral, when you said you wanted an ocean view, you didn't think that we we're gonna
get the whole ocean, did you? Huh? [sighs] Oh yeah. A fish can breath out here. Did your
man deliver or did he deliver?
1
CORAL
My man delivered.
MARLIN
And it wasn't so easy.
CORAL
Because a lot of other clownfish had their eyes on this place.
MARLIN
You better believe they did--every single one of them.
CORAL
Mm-hmm. You did good. And the neighborhood is awesome.
MARLIN
So, you do like it, don't you?
CORAL
No, no. I do, I do. I really do like it. But Marlin, I know that the drop off is desirable
with the great schools and the amazing view and all, but do we really need so much space?
MARLIN
Coral, honey, these are our kids we're talking about. They deserve the best. Look, look,
look. They'll wake up, poke their little heads out and they'll see a whale! See, right by
their bedroom window.
CORAL
Shhh, you're gonna wake the kids.
MARLIN
Oh, right. Right.
CORAL
Aww, look. They're dreaming. We still have to name them.
MARLIN
You wanna name all of 'em, right now? All right, we'll name this half Marlin Jr. and then
this half Coral Jr. Okay, we're done.
CORAL
I like Nemo.
MARLIN
Nemo? Well, we'll name one Nemo but I'd like most of them to be Marlin Jr.
CORAL
Just think that in a couple of days, we're gonna be parents!
MARLIN
Yeah. What if they don't like me?
CORAL
Marlin.
MARLIN
No, really.
CORAL
There's over 400 eggs. Odds are, one of them is bound to like you.
CORAL
What?
MARLIN
You remember how we met?
CORAL
Well, I try not to.
MARLIN
Well, I remember. 'Excuse me, miss, can you check and see if there's a hook in my lip?'
CORAL
Marlin!
MARLIN
2
'Well, you gotta look a little closer because it's wiggling'.
CORAL
Get away!
MARLIN
Here he is. Cutie's here! Where did everybody go?
MARLIN
[gasps] Coral, get inside the house, Coral. No, Coral, don't. They'll be fine. Just get
inside, you, right now.
MARLIN
No!
MARLIN
Coral! Coral?
MARLIN
Coral? Oh!
MARLIN
Ohh. There, there, there. It's okay, daddy's here. Daddy's got you. I promise, I will
never let anything happen to you...Nemo.
======================================================================================
NEMO
First day of school! First day of school! Wake up, wake up! C'mon, first day of school!
MARLIN
I don't wanna go to school. Five more minutes.
NEMO
Not you, dad. Me!
MARLIN
Okay...huh?
NEMO
Get up, get up! It's time for school! It's time for school! It's time for school!
It's time for school! Oh boy! Oh boy!
MARLIN
All right, I'm up.
NEMO
Oh boy--whoa!
MARLIN
Nemo!
NEMO
First day of school!
MARLIN
[gasps] Nemo, don't move! Don't move! You'll never get out of there yourself. I'll do it.
All right, where's the break? You feel a break?
NEMO
No.
MARLIN
Sometimes you can't tell 'cause fluid is rushing to the area. Now, any rushing fluids?
NEMO
No.
MARLIN
Are you woozy?
NEMO
No.
MARLIN
How many stripes do I have?
3
NEMO
I'm fine.
MARLIN
Answer the stripe question!
NEMO
Three.
MARLIN
No! See, something's wrong with you. I have one, two, three--that's all I have? Oh,
you're okay. How's the lucky fin?
NEMO
Lucky.
MARLIN
Let's see.
MARLIN
Are you sure you wanna go to school this year? 'Cause there's no problem if you don't.
You can wait 5 or 6 years.
NEMO
Come on, dad. It's time for school.
MARLIN
Ah-ah-ah! Forgot to brush.
NEMO
Ohh...
MARLIN
Do you want this anemone to sting you?
NEMO
Yes.
MARLIN
Brush.
NEMO
Okay, I'm done.
MARLIN
You missed a spot.
NEMO
Where?
MARLIN
There. Ha ha! Right there. And here and here and here!
======================================================================================
MARLIN
All right, we're excited. First day of school, here we go. We're ready to learn to get
some knowledge. Now, what's the one thing we have to remember about the ocean?
NEMO
It's not safe.
MARLIN
That's my boy. So, first we check to see that the coast is clear. We go out and back in. And then we go out, and back in. And then one more time--out and back in. And sometimes, if you wanna do it four times-- NEMO
Dad..
MARLIN
All right. Come on, boy.
NEMO
Dad, maybe while I'm at school, I'll see a shark!
MARLIN
4
I highly doubt that.
NEMO
Have you ever met a shark?
MARLIN
No, and I don't plan to.
NEMO
How old are sea turtles?
MARLIN
Sea turtles? I don't know.
NEMO
Sandy Plankton from next door, he said that sea turtles, said that they live to be about
a hundred years old!
MARLIN
Well, you know what, if I ever meet a sea turtle, I'll ask him. After I'm done talking
to the shark, okay? Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on, hold on, wait to cross. Hold my fin,
hold my fin.
NEMO
Dad, you're not gonna freak out like you did at the petting zoo, are you?
MARLIN
Hey, that snail was about to charge. Hmm, I wonder where we're supposed to go.
FISH KIDS
Bye, mom!
FISH MOM
I'll pick you up after school.
CRAB KID
Come on, you guys. Stop it! Give it back!
MARLIN
Come on, we'll try over there.
MARLIN
Excuse me, is this where we meet his teacher?
BOB
Well, look who's out of the anemone.
MARLIN
Yes. Shocking, I know.
BOB
Marty, right?
MARLIN
Marlin.
BOB
Bob.
TED
Ted.
BILL
Bill. Hey, you're a clownfish. You're funny, right? Hey, tell us a joke.
BOB/TED
Yeah, yeah. Come on, give us a funny one.
MARLIN
Well, actually, that's a common misconception. Clownfish are no funnier than any
other fish.
BILL
Aw, come on, clownie.
TED
Yeah, do something funny.
5
BOB
Yeah!
MARLIN
All right, I know one joke. Um, there's a mollusk, see? And he walks up to a sea, well he
doesn't walk up, he swims up. Well, actually the mollusk isn't moving. He's in one place
and then the sea cucumber, well they--I mixed up. There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber.
None of them were walking, so forget that I--
BOB
Sheldon! Get out of Mr. Johansenn's yard, now!
KIDS
Whoa!
MR. JOHANSSEN
All right, you kids! Ooh! Uuh, where'd you go? Where'd you go? Where, where'd you go?
NEMO
Dad, dad...can I go play too? Can I?
MARLIN
I would feel better if you go play over on the sponge beds.
MARLIN
That's where I would play
PEARL
What's wrong with his fin?
TAD
He looks funny!
SHELDON
Ow! Hey, what'd I do? What'd I do?
BOB
Be nice. It's his first time at school.
MARLIN
He was born with it, kids. We call it his lucky fin.
NEMO
Dad.
PEARL
See this tentacle? It's actually shorter than all my other tentacles but you can't really
tell.Especially when I twirl them like this.
SHELDON
I'm H2O-intolerant. [sneezes]
TAD
I'm obnoxious.
MR. RAY
[singing] Oooh, let's name the zones, the zones, the zones. Let's name the zones of the
open sea.
KIDS
Mr. Ray!
SHELDON
Come on, Nemo.
MARLIN
Whoa, you better stay with me.
MR. RAY
[singing]..mesopolagic, bathyal, abyssalpelagic. All the rest are too deep for you and
me to see.
MR. RAY
Huh, I wonder where my class has gone?
KIDS
6
We're under here!
MR. RAY
Oh, there you are. Climb aboard, explorers. [singing] Oh, knowledge exploring is oh so
lyrical, when you think thoughts that are empirical.
NEMO
Dad, you can go now.
MR. RAY
Well, hello. Who is this?
NEMO
I'm Nemo.
MR. RAY
Well, Nemo, all new explorers must answer a science question.
NEMO
Okay.
MR. RAY
You live in what kind of home?
NEMO
An anemo-none. A nemenem-menome-nememen-nenemone--
MR. RAY
Okay, okay, don't hurt yourself. Welcome aboard, explorers!
MARLIN
Just so you know, he's got a little fin. I find if he's having trouble swimming, let him
take a break. Ten, fifteen minutes.
NEMO
Dad, it's time for you to go now.
MR. RAY
Don't worry. We're gonna stay together as a group. Okay, class, optical orbits up front.
And remember, we keep our supraesophogeal ganglion to ourselves...that means you, Jimmy.
JIMMY
Aw, man!
MR. RAY
[singing]
MARLIN
Bye, Nemo!
NEMO
Bye, dad!
MARLIN
Bye, son! Be safe.
BOB
Hey, you're doing pretty well for a first timer.
MARLIN
Well, you can't hold onto them forever, can you?
BILL
Yeah, I had a tough time when my oldest went out at the drop off.
MARLIN
They just gotta grow up--the drop off?! They're going to the drop off?! Wh-what are you,
insane?! Why don't we fry 'em up now and serve them with chips!?
BOB
Hey, Marty. Calm down.
MARLIN
Don't tell me to be calm, pony boy!
BOB
'Pony boy'?
7
BILL
You know for a clownfish, he really isn't that funny.
TED
Pity.
======================================================================================
MR. RAY
[singing] Oh, let's name the species, the species, the species. Let's name the species
that live in thesea.
NEMO
Whoa.
MR. RAY
[singing] There's porifera, coelenterata, hydrozoa, scyphozoa, anthozoa, ctenophora,
bryozoas, three! Gastropoda, arthropoda, echinoderma, and some fish like you and me. Come
on, sing with me. Oh...!
MR. RAY
Just the girls this time. [singing] Oh, seaweed is cool. Seaweed is fun. It makes it's food
with the rays of the sun...
MR. RAY
Okay, the drop off. All right, kids, feel free to explore but stay close. [gasps]
Stromalitic cyanobacteria! Gather. An entire ecosystem contained in one infinitesimal speck.
There are as many protein pairs contained in this...
TAD
Come on, let's go.
MR. RAY
Come on, sing with me! [singing] There's porifera, coelentera, hydrozoa, scyphozoa, anthozoa,
ctenophora, bryozoas, three!
NEMO
Hey guys, wait up! Whoa.
TAD
Cool.
TAD
Saved your life!
PEARL
Aw, you guys made me ink.
NEMO
What's that?
TAD
I know what that is. Oh, oh! Sandy Plankton saw one. He called, he said it was called a...a
butt.
NEMO
Whoa.
PEARL
Wow. That's a pretty big butt.
SHELDON
Oh, look at me. I'm gonna go touch the butt. [sneezes] Whoa!
SHELDON
Oh yeah? Let's see you get closer.
PEARL
Okay. Beat that.
TAD
Come on, Nemo. How far can you go?
NEMO
Uh, my dad says it's not safe.
8
MARLIN
Nemo, no!
NEMO
Dad?
MARLIN
You were about to swim into open water!
NEMO
No, I wasn't go out--but dad!
MARLIN
It was a good thing I was here. If I hadn't showed up, I don't know--
PEARL
Sir, he wasn't gonna go.
TAD
Yeah, he was too afraid.
NEMO
No, I wasn't.
MARLIN
This does not concern you, kids. And you're lucky I don't tell your parents you were out
there.
You know you can't swim well.
NEMO
I can swim fine, dad, okay?
MARLIN
No, it's not okay. You shouldn't be anywhere near here. Okay, I was right. You'll start school
in a year or two.
NEMO
No, dad! Just because you're scared of the ocean--
MARLIN
Clearly, you're not ready. And you're not coming back until you are. You think you can do
these
things but you just can't, Nemo!
NEMO
I hate you.
MR. RAY
There's--nothing to see. Gather, uh, over there. Excuse me, is there anything I can do? I am a
scientist, sir. Is there any problem?
MARLIN
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt things. He isn't a good swimmer and it's a little
too soon for him to be out here unsupervised.
MR. RAY
Well, I can assure you, he's quite safe with me.
MARLINLook, I'm sure he is. But you have a large class and he can get lost
from sight if you're not looking. I'm not saying you're not looking--
FISH KID
Oh my gosh! Nemo's swimming out to sea!
MARLIN
Nemo! What do you think you're doing? You're gonna get stuck out there and I'll have to get
you before another fish does! Get back here! I said get back here, now! Stop! You take one
move, mister. Don't youdare! If you put one fin on that boat..are you listening to me?
Don't touch the bo--Nemo!
TAD
[whispering] He touched the butt.
MARLIN
You paddle your little tail back here, Nemo. That's right. You are in big trouble, young man.
Do you hear me? Big...big--
9
NEMO
Aaaah! Daddy! Help me!
MARLIN
I'm coming, Nemo!
KIDS
Aaaah!
MR. RAY
Get under me, kids!
NEMO
Ah! Oh no! Dad! Daddy!
MARLIN
Oh! Nemo! Unh! Nemo! Nemo, no! Nemo! Nemo! Nemo! No! No! Aah! Nemo! Nemo!
DIVER
Whoa! Hold on.
MARLIN
Oh no. No, no. It's gone, it's gone. No, no, it can't be gone. No, no! Nemo! Nemo! Nemo! No!
Nemo! Nemo! No! No, please, no! No, no!
MARLIN
Has anybody seen a boat!? Please! A white boat! They took my son! My son! Help me, please!
DORY
Look out!
MARLIN
Waaaah!
MARLIN
Ooh, ooh...
DORY
Ohh. Oh, oh. Sorry! I didn't see you. Sir, are you okay?
MARLIN
He's gone, he's gone..
DORY
There, there. It's all right.
MARLIN
He's gone.
DORY
It'll be okay.
MARLIN
No, no. They took him away. I have to find the boat.
DORY
Hey, I've seen a boat.
MARLIN
You have?
DORY
It passed by not too long ago.
MARLIN
A white one?
DORY
Hi. I'm Dory.
MARLIN
Where!? Which way!?
DORY
Oh, oh, oh! It-it went, um, this way! And it went this way! Follow me!
MARLIN
10
Thank you! Thank you, thank you so much!
DORY
No problem.
MARLIN
Hey! Wait!
DORY
Will you quit it?
MARLIN
What?
DORY
I'm trying to swim here. What, ocean ain't big enough for you?
MARLIN
Huh?
DORY
You got a problem, buddy? Huh? Huh? Do 'ya? Do 'ya? Do 'ya? You want a piece of me? Yeah,
oooh, I'm scared now. Whaat!?
MARLIN
Wait a minute..
DORY
Stop following me, okay!?
MARLIN
What? You're showing me which way the boat went!
DORY
A boat? Hey, I've seen a boat. It passed by not too long ago. It went this way, it went this
way. Follow me!
MARLIN
Wait a minute, wait a minute! What is going on? You already told me which way the boat
was going!
DORY
I did? Oh dear...
MARLIN
If this is some kind of practical joke, it's not funny! And I know funny..I'm a clownfish!
DORY
No, it's not. I know it's not. I'm so sorry. See, I suffer from short-term memory loss.
MARLIN
Short-term memory loss..I don't believe this!
DORY
No, it's true. I forget things almost instantly. It runs in my family..or at least I think
it does. Hmmm..where are they? Can I help you?
MARLIN
Something's wrong with you, really. You're wasting my time. I have to find my son. [gasps]
BRUCE
Hello.
DORY
Well, hi!
BRUCE
Name's Bruce. It's all right, I understand. Why trust a shark, right? So, what's a couple of
bites like you doing out so late, eh?
MARLIN
Nothing. We're not doing anything. We're not even out.
BRUCE
Great! Then how'd you morsels like to come to a little get-together I'm havin'?
DORY
11
You mean like a party?
BRUCE
Yeah, yeah, that's right--a party! What do you say?
DORY
Ooh, I love parties! Parties are fun!
MARLIN
Parties are fun, and it's tempting but--
BRUCE
Oh, come on, I insist.
MARLIN
O-okay..that's all that matters.
DORY
Hey, look--balloons! It is a party!
BRUCE
Ha ha ha! Mind your distance, though. Those balloons can be a bit dodgy. You wouldn't want
one of them to pop.
BRUCE
Anchor! Chum!
ANCHOR
There you are, Bruce, finally!
BRUCE
We got company.
ANCHOR
It's about time, mate.
CHUM
We've already gone through all the snacks and I'm still starvin'!
ANCHOR
We almost had a feeding frenzy.
CHUM
Come on, let's get this over with.
======================================================================================
BRUCE
Right, then. The meeting has officially come to order. Let us all say the pledge..
BRUCE/ANCHOR/CHUM
'I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image, I must
first change myself. Fish are friends, not food'.
ANCHOR
Except stinkin' dolphins.
CHUM
Dolphins! Yeah, they think they're sooo cute! 'Hey, look at me. I'm a flippin' little dolphin!
Let me flip for 'ya! Ain't I a somethin'!'
BRUCE
Right, then. Today's meeting is step 5, 'BRING A FISH FRIEND'. Now do you all have your
friends?
ANCHOR
Got mine.
DORY
Hey there!
BRUCE
How 'bout you, Chum?
CHUM
Oh, um, I seem to have misplaced my uh, friend.
12
BRUCE
That's all right, Chum. I had a feeling this would be a difficult step, you can help yourself
to one of my friends.
CHUM
Oh, thanks, mate. A little chum for Chum, eh?
BRUCE
I'll start the testimonies. Hello, my name is Bruce.
ANCHOR/CHUM
Hello, Bruce.
BRUCE
It has been three weeks since my last fish, on my honor, or may I be chopped up and
made into soup.
CHUM
You're an inspiration to all of us.
ANCHOR
Amen.
BRUCE
Right, then. Who's next?
DORY
Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!
BRUCE
Yes, the little Sheila down the front.
DORY
Woo-hoo!
BRUCE
Come on up here.
DORY
Hi. I'm Dory.
BRUCE/ANCHOR/CHUM
Hello, Dory.
DORY
And, uh, well, I don't think I've ever eaten a fish.
CHUM
Hey, that's incredible.
BRUCE
Good on 'ya, mate!
DORY
Whew! I'm glad I got that off my chest.
BRUCE
All right, anyone else? Hello, how 'bout you, mate? What's your problem?
MARLIN
Me? I don't have a problem.
BRUCE
Oh. Okay..
BRUCE/ANCHOR/CHUM
Denial.
BRUCE
Just start with your name.
MARLIN
Okay. Uh, hello. My name is Marlin. I'm a clownfish--
CHUM
A clownfish? Really?!
13
BRUCE
Go on, tell us a joke!
CHUM
Ooh! I love jokes!
MARLIN
Actually I do know one that's pretty good. There was this mollusk and he walks up to a sea
cucumber. Normally, they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke, everyone talks. So the
sea mollusk says to the cucumber...
NEMO
Daddy!
MARLIN
Nemo!
CHUM
Nemo! Ha ha ha! Nemo! I don't get it.
BRUCE
For a clownfish, he's not that funny.
MARLIN
No, no, no, no. He's my son. He was taken by these divers.
DORY
Oh my, you poor fish.
CHUM
Humans. Think they own everything.
ANCHOR
Probably American.
BRUCE
Now there is a father looking for his little boy.
MARLIN
Ugh! What do these markings mean?
BRUCE
I never knew my father! [sobs]
CHUM
Aw, come here.
ANCHOR
Group hug.
CHUM
We're all mates here, mate.
MARLIN
I can't read human.
DORY
Well then we gotta find a fish who can read this. Hey, look. Sharks!
MARLIN
No, no, no, Dory!
DORY
Guys, guys!
MARLIN
No, Dory!
DORY
That's mine! Give it to me! Gimme! Oww!
MARLIN
Oh, I'm sorry. Are you okay?
DORY
Ow, ow, ow.
14
MARLIN
I'm so sorry.
DORY
You really clocked me there. Am I bleeding?
MARLIN
Ohh...
DORY
Ow, ow, ow.
BRUCE
Dory, are you oka--oohh. Oohh, that's good.
ANCHOR/CHUM
Intervention!
BRUCE
Just a bite!
ANCHOR
Hold it together, mate!
CHUM
Remember, Bruce, fish are friends, not food!
BRUCE
FOOD!
MARLIN
Dory, look out!
BRUCE
I'm havin' fish tonight!
CHUM
Remember the steps, mate!
BRUCE
Just one bite!
BRUCE
G'day!
MARLIN/DORY
Aaaaaaaah!
BRUCE
Arrrr!
MARLIN
There's no way out! There's got to be a way to escape!
DORY
Who is it?
MARLIN
Dory, help me find a way out!
DORY
Sorry, you'll have to come back later. We're trying to escape.
MARLIN
There's gotta be a way out!
DORY
Look, here's something! 'ESSS-CA-PE'! I wonder what that means. It's funny, it's spelled
just like the word 'escape'.
MARLIN
Let's go!
BRUCE
Here's Brucey!
MARLIN
15
Wait a minute..you can read?!
DORY
I can read? That's right, I can read!
MARLIN
Well, then here. Read this now!
ANCHOR
He really doesn't mean it, y'know! He never even knew his father!
CHUM
Don't fall off the wagon!
MARLIN
Oh no, it's blocked!
ANCHOR
No, Bruce. Focus!
CHUM
Sorry about--this, mate!
ANCHOR
He's really--a nice guy!
MARLIN
I need to get that mask!
DORY
You want that mask? Okay.
MARLIN
No, no, no, no, no, no!
MARLIN
Quick grab the mask!
ANCHOR
Oh no. Bruce?
BRUCE
What? [gasps] Swim away! Swim away!
DORY
Aw, is the party over?
PELICAN
Nice.
======================================================================================
NEMO
Dad? Daddy?
DENTIST
Barbara?
BARBARA
Uh-huh?
DENTIST
Prep for his anterior crown, would you, please? And I'm going to need a few cotton rolls.
BARBARA
Okay.
DENTIST
Hello, little fella!
NEMO
Aah!
DENTIST
Heh heh heh! Beauty, isn't he? I found that guy struggling for life out on the reef and
I saved him. So, has that novocaine kicked in yet?
16
PATIENT
I think so. We're ready to roll.
BUBBLES
Bubbles! [muttering] My bubbles.
PEACH
He likes bubbles.
NEMO
Aah! Ohh! No! Uhh!
JACQUES
Bonjour.
NEMO
Aah!
BLOAT
Heh heh! Slow down, little fella. There's nothing to worry about.
DEB
Oh, he's scared to death.
NEMO
I wanna go home. Do you know where my dad is?
PEACH
Honey, your dad's probably back at the pet store.
NEMO
Pet store?
BLOAT
Yeah, you know, like I'm from Bob's Fish Mart.
GURGLE
Pet Palace.
BUBBLES
Fish-O-Rama.
DEB
Mail order.
PEACH
Ebay.
GURGLE
So which one is it?
NEMO
I'm from the ocean.
GURGLE
Ah, the ocean. The ocean! Aaah! He hasn't been decontaminated yet! Jacques!
JACQUES
Oui.
GURGLE
Clean him!
JACQUES
Oui.
GURGLE
Ocean!
JACQUES
Ooh, la mer. Bon. Voila. He is clean.
BUBBLES
Wow. The big blue. What's it like?
NEMO
Big...and blue?
17
BUBBLES
I knew it.
DEB
Kid, if there's anything you need, just ask your auntie Deb, that's me. Or if I'm not
around, you can always talk to my sister Flo. Hi,how are you? Don't listen to anything
my sister says, she's nuts! Ha ha ha ha!
PEACH
[muffled] We got a live one!
BLOAT
Can't hear you, Peach.
PEACH
I said we got a live one.
GURGLE
Yes!
BLOAT
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
DEB
What do we got?
PEACH
Root canal, and by the looks of those x-rays it's not gonna be pretty.
PATIENT
Owwwwwwwww!
BLOAT
Rubber dam and clamp installed?
PEACH
Yep.
GURGLE
What did he use to open?
PEACH
Gator-Glidden drill. He seems to be favoring that one lately.
DEB
I can't see, Flo.
PATIENT
You're getting a little too--aaaaah!!!
PEACH
Now he's doing the Schilder technique.
BLOAT
Oooh, he's using a Hedstrom file.
GURGLE
That's not a Hedstrom file. That's a K-Flex.
BLOAT
It's got a teardrop cross-section. Clearly a Hedstrom.
GURGLE
No, no. K-Flex.
BLOAT
Hedstrom!
GURGLE
K-Flex!
BLOAT
Hedstro--! [inflates] There I go. A little help over here.
DEB
I'll go deflate him.
18
DENTIST
All right, go ahead and rinse.
GURGLE
Ugh! The human mouth is a disgusting place.
PEACH
Hey, Nigel.
NIGEL
What did I miss? Am I late?
PEACH
Root canal and it's a doozy.
NIGEL
Root canal, eh? What did he use to open?
PEACH
Gator-Glidden drill.
NIGEL
He seems to be favoring that one. Hope he doesn't get surplus sealer at the portal terminus...
hello.
NEMO
[gasps]
NIGEL
Who's this?
DEB
New guy. Ha ha ha!
GURGLE
The dentist took him off the reef.
NIGEL
An outie. From my neck of the woods, eh? Sorry if I ever took a snap at you. Fish gotta swim,
birds gotta eat. [gasps]
DENTIST
Hey! No, no, no, no! They're not your fish. They're my fish. Come on, go! Go on, shoo! Oh,
the picture broke. This here's Darla. She's my niece. She's going to be eight next week.
Hey, little fella. Say hello to your new mummy. She'll be here Friday to pick you up. You're
her present. Shh, shh, shh! It's our little secret. Well, Mr. Tucker, while that sets up
I'm going to see a man about a wallaby.
BLOAT
Oh, Darla.
NEMO
What? What's wrong with her?
GURGLE
She wouldn't stop shaking the bag.
BUBBLES
Poor Chuckles.
DEB
He was her present last year.
BLOAT
Hitched a ride on the porcelain express.
PEACH
She's a fish killer.
NEMO
I can't go with that girl! I have to get back to my dad! Aaah! Daddy! Help me!
GURGLE
Oh, he's stuck!
GILL
19
Nobody touch him! Nobody touch him.
NEMO
Can you help me?
GILL
No. You got yourself in there, you can get yourself out.
PEACH
Gill..
GILL
I just wanna see him do it, okay? Calm down. Alternate wiggling your fins and your tail.
NEMO
I can't. I have a bad fin.
GILL
Never stopped me.
GILL
Just think about what you need to do.
BLOAT
Come on.
GILL
Perfect.
BUBBLES
Yay!
GURGLE
You did it!
DEB
Good squirming! Ha ha ha!
PEACH
Wow. From the ocean. Just like you, Gill.
GILL
Yeah.
PEACH
I've seen that look before. What are you thinking about?
GILL
I'm thinking, tonight, we give the kid a proper reception.
BLOAT
So kid, you got a name or what?
NEMO
Nemo. I'm Nemo.
======================================================================================
MARLIN
Nemo. Nemo. [mutters]
DORY
Are you gonna eat that? Careful with that hammer...
MARLIN
Huh? No, no! What does it say? Dory!
DORY
Sea monkey has my money...
MARLIN
Wake up! Get up! Come on! Come on!
DORY
Yes, I'm a natural blue...
MARLIN
20
Get up!
DORY
Look out! Sharks eat fish! Aaaaaah!
MARLIN/DORY
AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
DORY
Wow. Dusty.
MARLIN
[gasps] The mask! Where's the mask? No! No, not the mask! Get it! Get the mask!
Get the mask! Get it!
DORY
[singing] Hoo doot doo doot doot doo doot. Whoo-hoo! La la la la la la. Just keeps
going on, doesn't it? Echo! Echo! Hey, what are you doing?
MARLIN
It's gone. I've lost the mask.
DORY
Did you drop it?
MARLIN
You dropped it! That was my only chance of finding my son, now it's gone.
DORY
Hey, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down, you know what you gotta do?
MARLIN
I don't wanna know what you gotta do when life gets you down.
DORY
[singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do?
We swim, swim.
MARLIN
Dory, no singing.
DORY
[singing] Ho ho ho ho ho ho! I love to swim! When you want to swim..
MARLIN
See, I'm going to get stuck now with that song now it's in my head!
DORY
Sorry.
MARLIN
Dory, do you see anything?
DORY
Aaah! Something's got me!
MARLIN
That was me. I'm sorry.
DORY
[gasps] Who was that?
MARLIN
Who could it be? It's me!
DORY
Are..are you my conscience?
MARLIN
Yeah, yeah. I'm your conscience. We haven't spoken for a while. How are you?
DORY
Hmm, can't complain.
MARLIN
Yeah? Good. Now, Dory. I want you to tell me..do you see anything?
21
DORY
I see..I see a light.
MARLIN
A light.
DORY
Yeah. Over there. Hey, conscience. Am I dead?
MARLIN
No, I see it too. What is it?
DORY
It's so pretty.
MARLIN
I'm feeling...happy. Which is a big deal for me.
DORY
I want to touch it. Oh!
MARLIN
Hey, come back. Come on back here.
DORY
[singing] I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna swim with you.
MARLIN
I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna be your best friend...good feeling's gone.
MARLIN
I can't see! I don't know where I'm going!
DORY
Haah!
MARLIN
The mask!
DORY
What mask?
DORY
Okay, I can't see a thing.
MARLIN
Oh, gee!
DORY
Hey, look! A mask!
MARLIN
Read it!
DORY
I'm sorry, but if you could just bring it a little closer, I kind of need the light.
That's great, keep it right there.
MARLIN
Just read it!
DORY
Okay, okay. Mr. Bossy. Uh, 'P'. Okay, 'P'. 'Shh-eer...Sher--P. Sher--P. Shirley? P.--'. Oh!
The first line's 'P. Sherman'!
MARLIN
P. Sherman doesn't make any sense!
DORY
Okay, second line. '42'.
MARLIN
Don't eat me! Don't eat me! Aaaah!
DORY
Light, please. 'Walla--Walla--Walla-beee'...
22
MARLIN
Waah! Waaah! Waaaah!
DORY
The second line's '42 Wallaby Way'!
MARLIN
That's great! Speed read! Take a guess! No pressure! No problem! There's a lot of pressure!
Pressure! Take a guess now with pressure!
DORY
'Sydney'. It's 'Sydney'!
MARLIN
Duck!
DORY
Aaah!
MARLIN
I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I died, I'm dead.
MARLIN
Whoo-hoo! [singing] We did it, we did it! Oh yeah, yeah, yeah! No eating here tonight, whoo!
BOTH
[singing] Eating here tonight!
MARLIN
Dory.
DORY
[singing] No, no, no eating here tonight. You on a diet--
MARLIN
Dory! What did the mask say?
DORY
'P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney'. [gasps] I remember what it said! I usually forget
things, but I remembered it this time!
MARLIN
Whoa, whoa, wait! Where is that?
DORY
I don't know. But who cares? I remembered!
MARLIN/DORY
Aaah!
DORY
P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. I remembered it again!
======================================================================================
JACQUES
Psst. Nemo.
NEMO
Mmmm...
JACQUES
Nemo.
NEMO
Huh?
JACQUES
Suivez-moi. Follow me.
BLOAT/BUBBLES/GURGLE
[chanting] Ha! Ho! Hwa! Hwee! Ha! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ha! Ho! Hwa! Hwee! Ha! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ha! Ho!
Hwa! Hwee! Ha! Ho! Ho! Ho! Hahoo! Wahoo! Yahoo! Ho! Ha! Ho! Wahee! Ha! Ho! Ho! Ho! Hoo!
GILL
State your name.
23
NEMO
Nemo.
GILL
Brother Bloat, proceed.
BLOAT
Nemo! Newcomer of orange and white, you have been called forth to the summit of Mount
Wannahockaloogie to join with us in the fraternal bonds of tankhood.
NEMO
Huh?
PEACH
We want you in our club, kid.
NEMO
Really?
BLOAT
If you are able to swim through..THE RING OF FIRE! [whispers to Jacques] Turn on the
Ring of Fire! The Ring of Fire, you said you could do it--THE RING OF FIRE!
BUBBLES
Bubbles! Bubbles! Let me--oww!
BLOAT/BUBBLES/GURGLE
[chanting]
PEACH
Isn't there another way? He's just a boy!
JACQUES
[wailing]
GILL
From this moment on, you will now be known as Sharkbait.
BLOAT/BUBBLES/GURGLE
Sharkbait! Ooh ha ha!
GILL
Welcome, brother Sharkbait!
BLOAT/BUBBLES/GURGLE
Sharkbait! Ooh ha ha!
GILL
Enough with the Sharkbait.
GURGLE
Sharkbait! Ooh..ba-ba-doo.
GILL
Okay, Sharkbait's one of us now, agreed?
BLOAT/BUBBLES/GURGLE
Agreed!
GILL
We can't send him off to his death. Darla's coming in 5 days, so what are we gonna do?
I'll tell you what we're gonna do: we're gonna get him outta here. We're gonna help
him escape.
NEMO
Escape? Really?
GILL
We're all gonna escape!
GURGLE
Gill, please, not another one of your escape plans.
DEB
Sorry, but they, they just, they never work.
24
BLOAT
Yeah. Why should this be any different?
GILL
'Cause we've got him.
NEMO
Me?
GILL
You see that filter?
NEMO
Yeah?
GILL
You're the only one who can get in and out of that thing. What we need you to do is take
a pebble inside and jam the gears. You do that and this tank's gonna get filthier and
filthier by the minute. Pretty soon, the dentist'll have to clean the tank himself. And
when he does, he'll take us out of the tank, put us in the individual baggies, then we roll
ourselves down the counter, out of the window, off the awning, into the bushes, across the
street and into the harbor! It's foolproof! Who's with me?
BLOAT
Aye!
JACQUES
Aye!
DEB
Aye!
BUBBLES
Aye!
GURGLE
I think your nuts.
GILL/NEMO
[sighs]
GURGLE
No offense, kid, but, um..you're not the best swimmer.
GILL
He's fine, he can do this. So Sharkbait, what do you think?
NEMO
Let's do it.
======================================================================================
DORY
I'm going to P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. Where are you going? I'm going to P.
Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. If you're askin' where I'm goin'. I'll tell you that's
where I'm going. It's P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. Where? I'm sorry, I didn't hear
you. P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way...
MARLIN
Excuse me. Ex-excuse me, um, hi. Do you know how to get to--hello? W-w-w-wait! Can you
tell me--hey! Hold it! Wait a minute! I'm trying to talk to you. Okay, fellas, come back
here. Please, one quick question. I need to aaaaand they're gone again. [sighs]
DORY
P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. Why do I have to tell you over and over again? I'll tell
you again. I don't get tired of it--
MARLIN
Okay, all right.
DORY
Huh?
MARLIN
Here's the thing.
DORY
25
Uh-huh.
MARLIN
Y'know, I just, I-I think it's best if I just, if I just, carry on from here by..by myself.
DORY
Okay.
MARLIN
Y'know, alone.
DORY
Uh-huh.
MARLIN
Without, without..well, I mean, not without you. I mean, it's just that I don't want you...
with me.
DORY
Huh?
MARLIN
I don't wanna hurt your feelings..
DORY
You want me to leave?
MARLIN
Well, I mean not..yes, yeah. It's just that you know I-I just can't afford anymore delays
and you're one of those fish that cause delays. And sometimes it's a good thing. There's
a whole group of fish. They're..'delay fish'.
DORY
You mean..[whimper]you mean you don't..like me? [sobs]
MARLIN
No, of course I like you. It's because I like you I don't wanna be with you. It's a
complicated emotion. Oh, don't cry. I like you.
MOONFISH LEADER
Hey, you! Lady, is this guy botherin' you?
DORY
Um, I don't remember. Were you?
MARLIN
No, no, no, no, no. We're just, we're..hey, do you guys know how I can get to--
MOONFISH LEADER
Look, pal. We're talkin' to the lady, not you. Hey-hey, you like impressions?
DORY
Mm-mmm-mmmm.
MOONFISH LEADER
Okay. Just like in rehearsals, gentlemen. So, what are we? Take a guess.
DORY
Oh, oh, I've seen one of those.
MOONFISH LEADER
I'm a fish with a nose like a sword.
DORY
Wait, wait, um..
MARLIN
It's a swordfish.
MOONFISH LEADER
Hey, clown boy! Let the lady guess. Where's the butter?
DORY
Oh-oh-oh! It's on the tip of my tongue.
MARLIN
[coughs up answer]Lobster.
26
MOONFISH LEADER
Saw that.
MARLIN
What?
MOONFISH LEADER
Lots of legs, lives in the ocean.
DORY
Clam!
MOONFISH LEADER
Close enough. [singing] Oh, it's a whale of a tale, I'll tell you lad, a whale of a tale.
DORY
Oh, they're good.
MARLIN
Will somebody please give me directions?
MOONFISH LEADER
[impersonating Marlin] Will somebody please give me directions?
DORY
Ha ha ha ha ha!
MARLIN
I'm serious.
MOONFISH LEADER
Blah-blah-blah! Me-me-blah! Blah-blah-blah-blah-me-me-me!
MARLIN
Thank you.
DORY
Oh dear. Hey, hey come back! Hey, what's the matter?
MARLIN
What's the matter? While they're doing their silly little impressions, I am miles from
home, with a fish that can't even remember her own name.
DORY
Boy, bet that's frustrating.
MARLIN
Yeah. Meanwhile my son is out there.
DORY
You're son Chico?
MARLIN
Nemo.
DORY
Right. Got it.
MARLIN
But it doesn't matter, 'cause no fish in this entire ocean is gonna help me.
DORY
Well, I'm helping you. Wait right here. Hey, guys.
MOONFISH LEADER
What, is he bothering you again?
DORY
No, no, he's a good guy. Go easy on him, he's lost his son, Fabio. Any of you heard of
P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney?
MOONFISH LEADER
Sydney? Oh sure. Why, Ted here's got relatives in Sydney. Don't you, Ted?
MOONFISH TED
Sure do.
27
DORY
Oh, hey! They know Sydney!
MARLIN
[gasps]
DORY
You wouldn't know how to get there, would you?
MOONFISH LEADER
What you wanna do is follow the EAC, that's the East Australian Current. Big current,
can't miss it, it's in..that direction. And then you gotta follow that for about, I
don't know, what do you guys think? About three leagues? And that little baby's gonna
put you right past Sydney.
MOONFISH SCHOOL
TA-DAA!
MARLIN
Great! That's great! Dory, you did it!
DORY
Oh, please. I'm just your little helper. Helping along, that's me.
MARLIN
Well, listen fellas, thank you.
MOONFISH LEADER
Don't mention it. And, uh, loosen up. Okay, buddy?
DORY
Oh, you guys. You really nailed him. Bye.
MOONFISH LEADER
Oh, hey ma'am, one more thing.
DORY
Yes.
MOONFISH LEADER
When you come to this trench, swim through it, not over it.
DORY
Trench, through it, not over it. I'll remember. Hey, hey! Hey! Hey! Hey, wait up, partner.
Hold on. Wait! Wait-wait! I got, I gotta tell you something..whoa. Nice trench. Hello!
Okay, let's go.
MARLIN
Bad trench, bad trench. Come on, we're gonna swim over this thing.
DORY
Whoa, whoa, partner. Little red flag goin' up. Somethin's telling me we should swim through
it, not over it.
MARLIN
Are you even looking at this thing? It's got death written all over it.
DORY
I'm sorry, but I really, really, really think we should swim through.
MARLIN
And I'm really, really done talking about this. Over we go.
DORY
Come on, trust me on this.
MARLIN
Trust you?
DORY
Yes, trust. It's what friends do.
MARLIN
Look! Something shiny!
DORY
28
Where?
MARLIN
Oh, it just swam over the trench. Come on, we'll follow it.
DORY
Okay.
DORY
Boy, sure is clear up here.
MARLIN
Exactly. And look at that, there's the current. We should be there in no time.
DORY
Hey, little guy.
MARLIN
You wanted to go through the trench.
DORY
I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy. Come here,
Squishy. Come here, little Squishy. [Baby talk]---oww!
MARLIN
Dory! That's a jellyfish!
DORY
Bad Squishy! Bad Squishy!
MARLIN
Shoo! Shoo, shoo! Get away! Come here, let me see.
DORY
Don't touch it! Don't touch it!
MARLIN
I'm not gonna touch it. I just wanna look.
DORY
Heeey, how come it didn't sting you?
MARLIN
It did. It's just that..
DORY
Ow! Ow, oww!
MARLIN
..hold still. I live in this anemone and I'm, I'm, I'm used to these kind of stings.
Come here.
DORY
Ow, ow! Oww!
MARLIN
It doesn't look bad, you're gonna be fine. But now we know, don't we?
DORY
Yeah.
MARLIN
That we don't wanna touch these again. Let's be thankful this time it was just a
little one.[gasps]
MARLIN/DORY
Aaaah!
MARLIN
Don't move! This is bad, Dory.
DORY
Hey, watch this! Boing! Boing!
MARLIN
[gasps] Dory!
29
DORY
Boing-boing-boing! [singing] You can't catch me!
MARLIN
Dory! Don't bounce on the tops! They will..not sting you. The tops don't sting you,
that's it!
DORY
Ooh! Two in a row, beat that.
MARLIN
Dory! All right, listen to me. I have an idea, a game.
DORY
A game?
MARLIN
A game.
DORY
A game?
MARLIN
Yes.
DORY
Aah! I love games! Pick me!
MARLIN
All right, here's the game. Um, whoever can hop the fastest out of these jellyfish, wins.
DORY
Okay!
MARLIN
Rules, rules, rules!
DORY
Okay!
MARLIN
You can't touch the tentacles, only the tops.
DORY
Something about tentacles, got it. On your mark, get set, go!
MARLIN
W-wait! Wait! Not something about them, it's all about them! Wait!
DORY
Weeee!
MARLIN
Dory!
DORY
Gotta go faster if you wanna win!
MARLIN
[gasps] Dory!
DORY
Boing! Boing! Boing-boing-boing-boing!
MARLIN
Wait a minute--whoa! Dory!
DORY
Weeee!
MARLIN
So, we're cheating death now. That's what we're doin'. We're havin' fun at the same time.
I can do this, just be careful.
DORY
Yeah, careful I don't make you cry when I win!
30
MARLIN
Oh, I don't think so!
DORY
Ha ha ha ha! Whooo! Give it up, old man. You can't fight evolution, I was built for speed.
MARLIN
The question is, Dory, are you hungry?
DORY
Huh? Hungry?
MARLIN
Yeah, 'cause you're about to eat my bubbles! Duck to the left! Right there! The clownfish
is the winner! Woohoo! We did it! We're gonna...Dory? Oh no. Dory! Dory! Dory! [gasps]
Dory! Uggghhh!
DORY
Ugh...am I disqualified?
MARLIN
No, you're doing fine! You're, you're actually winning! But you gotta stay awake. Uh, where
does P. Sherman live?
DORY
P..Sherman..Wallaby Way...Sydney...
MARLIN
That's it! Oww! Ow! Stay awake! Stay awake! Ow! Stay awake! Stay--awake!
DORY
Awake...P..Sherman..
MARLIN
Awake...
DORY
..42 Wallaby Way...
MARLIN
Awake...wake up...Nemo...
======================================================================================
GILL
You miss your dad, don't you, Sharkbait?
NEMO
Yeah.
GILL
Well, you're lucky to have someone out there who's lookin' for you.
NEMO
He's not looking for me. He's scared of the ocean.
GILL
Peach, any movement?
PEACH
He's had at least four cups of coffee, it's gotta be soon.
GILL
Keep on him.
GILL
My first escape, landed on dental tools. I was aimin' for the toilet.
NEMO
Toilet?
GILL
All drains lead to the ocean, kid.
NEMO
Wow. How many times have you tried to get out?
31
GILL
Aah, I've lost count. Fish aren't meant to be in a box, kid. It does things to 'ya.
BUBBLES
Bubbles! Bubbles, bubbles, bubbles---
PEACH
Potty break! Potty break! He just grabbed the Reader's Digest! We have 4.2 minutes.
GILL
That's your cue, Sharkbait.
BLOAT
You can do it, kid.
GILL
Okay, you gotta be quick. Once you get in, you swim down to the bottom of the chamber
and I'll talk you through the rest.
NEMO
Okay.
GILL
Go on, it'll be a piece of kelp.
NEMO
[takes a deep breath]
GILL
Nicely done! Can you hear me?
NEMO
Yeah.
GILL
Here comes the pebble. Now, do you see a small opening?
NEMO
Uh-huh.
GILL
Okay, inside it you'll see a rotating fan. Very carefully, wedge that pebble into the
fan to stop it turning.
NEMO
Aaah!
GILL
Careful, Sharkbait.
NEMO
I can't do it!
PEACH
Gill, this isn't a good idea.
GILL
He'll be fine. Try again.
NEMO
Okay.
GILL
That's it, Sharkbait. Nice and steady.
NEMO
I got it! I got it!
PEACH
[sigh]
BLOAT
He did it!
GURGLE
Whew!
32
GILL
That's great, kid! Now, swim up the tube and out.
NEMO
Oh no! Gill! Gill!
GILL
Sharkbait!
BLOAT
Oh my gosh!
GILL
Get 'im outta there! Get 'im outta there!
BUBBLES
Help him!
GURGLE
What do we do!? What do we do!?
PEACH
Oh no!
GILL
Stay calm, kid! Just don't panic!
NEMO
Help me!
GILL
Sharkbait! Grab hold of this!
NEMO
No! No!
GILL
Feed me more!
GURGLE
That's it!
GILL
Come on, Sharkbait! Grab it!
NEMO
I got it!
GILL
Pull!
PEACH
Gill, don't make him go back in there.
GILL
No. We're done.
======================================================================================
CRUSH
Dude.
MARLIN
Ooh...
CRUSH
Dude. Focus, dude. Dude.
MARLIN
Ooooh...
CRUSH
Oh, he lives! Hey, dude!
MARLIN
Ooooh..what happened?
33
CRUSH
Oh, saw the whole thing, dude. First you were like, 'whoa'! And then we were all like,
'whoa'! And then you were like, 'whoa'.
MARLIN
What're you talking about?
CRUSH
You, mini-man. Takin' on the jellies. You got serious thrill issues, dude.
MARLIN
Ooh.
CRUSH
Awesome.
MARLIN
Ooh..ooh, my stomach. Ooooh..
CRUSH
Oh, man. No hurlin' on the shell, dude, okay, just waxed it.
MARLIN
So Mr. Turtle...
CRUSH
Whoa, dude. Mr. Turtle is my father. Name's Crush.
MARLIN
Crush? Really? Okay Crush, listen I need to get to the East Australian Current. EAC?
CRUSH
Ha ha ha, dude, ha ha, you're ridin' it, dude! Check it out!
CRUSH
Okay, grab shell, dude!
MARLIN
Grabbing--waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaah!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaah!!! Whooooooaaaa!!!
CRUSH
Ha ha! Righteous! Righteous! Yeah!
MARLIN
Stop!
CRUSH
So, what brings you on this fine day to the EAC?
MARLIN
Well, Dory and I need to get to Sydney. [gasps] Dory! Dory! Is she all right!?
CRUSH
Oh. Oh, Little Blue. She is sub-level, dude.
MARLIN
Dory, Dory! Dory!
DORY
Hmm-mmm....
MARLIN
Oh, Dory. I-I-I'm so sorry. This is all my fault, it's my fault...
DORY
..29, 30! Ready or not, here I come! There you are! Catch me if you can! Ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!
MARLIN
Huh?
SQUIRT
Whoa!
MARLIN
[gasps] Oh my goodnes!
34
CRUSH
Whoa. Kill the motor, dude. Let us see what Squirt does flying solo.
SQUIRT
Whoa! Whoa! That was so cool! Hey dad, did you see that? Did you see me? Did you see
what I did?
CRUSH
You so totally rock, Squirt! So give me some fin..noggin..
CRUSH/SQUIRT
..dude!
CRUSH
Oh, intro. Jellyman, Offspring. Offspring, Jellyman.
SQUIRT
Jellies? Sweet.
CRUSH
Totally.
MARLIN
Well, apparently, I must've done something you all like. Heh, uh, dudes.
SQUIRT
You rock, dude.
MARLIN
Ow.
CRUSH
Curl away, my son. Aw, it's awesome, Jellyman. Little dudes are just eggs, leave 'em
on the beach to hatch, then coo-coo-ca-choo, they find their way back to the big 'ol blue.
MARLIN
All by themselves?
CRUSH
Yeah.
MARLIN
But-but-but dude, how do you know when they're ready?
CRUSH
Well, you never really know. But when they'll know, you'll know, you know? Ha.
DORY
Hey! Look, everybody!
SQUIRT
I know that dude. It's the Jellyman.
DORY
Well, go on, jump on him.
TURTLE KIDS
Turtle pile!
MARLIN
W-w-wai-wait--
TURTLE KID 1
Are you funny?
TURTLE KID 2
Where's your shell?
MARLIN
Hold on, I need to breath--
TURTLE KID 3
Are you running away?
TURTLE KID 4
Did you really cross the jellyfish forest?
35
TURTLE KID 5
Did they sting you?
MARLIN
One at a time!
TURTLE KID 6
Mr. Fish, did you die?
DORY
Sorry. I was a little vague on the details.
SQUIRT
So where are you going?
MARLIN
Well, you see my son was taken. My son was taken away from me.
TURTLE KIDS
[gasp]
DORY
No way.
SQUIRT
What happened?
MARLIN
No, no, no, kids. I don't wanna talk about it.
TURTLE KIDS
Awww! Please?
SQUIRT
Pleeeease?
MARLIN
[sighs] Well, okay. I live on this reef, a long long way from here.
DORY
Oh, boy. This is gonna be good, I can tell.
MARLIN
And my son, Nemo, see he was mad at me. And maybe he wouldn't have done it if I hadn't been
so tough on him, I don't know. Anyway, he swam out in the open water to this boat and when
he was out there, these divers appeared and I tried to stop them but the boat was too fast.
So we swam out in the ocean to follow them...
TURTLE KID
They couldn't stop them. And then Nemo's dad, he swims out to the ocean and they bump into..
SMALL FISH
..three ferocious sharks! He scares away the sharks by blowin' them up!
BIG FISH
Golly, that's amazing!
SMALL FISH
And then dives thousands of..
LOBSTER
..feet straight down into the dark. It's like wicked dark down there, you can see a thing.
How's it goin', Bob? And the only thing that they can see down there..
SWORDFISH
..is the light from this big horrible creature with razor sharp teeth. Nice parry, old man.
And then he has to blast his way...
DOLPHIN
So, these two little fish have been..searching the ocean for days. On the East Australian
Current.
FEMALE BIRD
Which means that he may be on his way here right now. That should put them in Sydney..
MALE BIRD 1
..Harbor in a matter of days. I mean, it sounds like this guy's gonna stop at..
36
MALE BIRD 2
..nothing until he finds his son. I sure hope he makes it.
MALE BIRD 3
That's one dedicated father if you ask me.
GULLS
Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!
NIGEL
Oh, would you just shut up! You're rats with wings!
PELICAN
..bloke's been lookin' for his boy Nemo.
NIGEL
Nemo?
PELICAN
He was taken off the reef by divers and this..
NIGEL
There, take it! You happy!
GULLS
Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!
NIGEL
Hey, hey, hey! Say that again! You said something about Nemo. What was it?
GULLS
Mine! Mine! Mine!
CRAB
Whooooooaaa..watcha!
GULL
Mine!
PELICAN
Last I heard, he's headin' towards the harbor.
NIGEL
Ho ho! Brilliant!
======================================================================================
NEMO
[sighs]
DEB
Is he doing okay?
GURGLE
I don't know, but whatever you do, don't mention D-A-R..
NEMO
It's okay, I know who you're talking about.
NEMO
Gill? Gill?
GILL
Hey, Sharkbait.
NEMO
I'm sorry I couldn't stop the--
GILL
No, I'm the one who should be sorry. I was so ready to get out, so ready to taste that
ocean. I was willing to put you in harm's way to get there. Nothing should be worth that.
I'm sorry I couldn't get you back to your father, kid.
NIGEL
All right! Hey, hey, hey, hey--!
37
DENTIST
What the!?
PATIENT
AAAAAAAAAH!!! Oooooh...
DENTIST
Well, uh, that's one way to pull a tooth. He he he he he! Huh, darn kids. Well, good
thing I pulled the right one, eh, prime minister? He he he he!
NIGEL
Hey, hey. Psst!
PEACH
Oh, Nigel. You just missed an extraction.
NIGEL
Ooh! Has he loosened the periodontal ligament yet--oh, what I'm talkin' about!? Nemo!
Where's Nemo? I gotta speak with him.
NEMO
What? What is it?
NIGEL
Your dad's been fighting the entire ocean looking for you.
NEMO
My father? Really?
GILL
Really?
NIGEL
Oh yeah. He's travelled hundreds of miles. He's been battling sharks and jellyfish and
all sorts of--
NEMO
Sharks? That can't be him.
NIGEL
Are you sure? What was his name? Some sort of sportfish or something: tuna, uh, trout..
NEMO
Marlin?
NIGEL
That's it! Marlin! The little clownfish from the reef.
NEMO
It's my dad! He took on a shark!
NIGEL
I heard he took on three.
DEB/BLOAT/GURGLE
Three!?
GILL
Three sharks!?
BLOAT
That's gotta be forty eight hundred teeth!
NIGEL
You see, kid, after you were taken by diver Dan over there, your dad followed the boat
you were on like a maniac.
NEMO
Really?
NIGEL
He's swimming and he's swimming and he's giving it all he's got and then three gigantic
sharks capture him and he blows them up! And then dives thousands of feet and gets chased
by a monster with huge teeth! He ties this demon to a rock and what does he get for a
reward? He gets to battle an entire jellyfish forest! And now he's riding with a bunch
of sea turtles on the East Australian Current and the word is he's headed this way right
now, to Sydney!
38
BLOAT
Wow! Ha ha ha!
DEB
Oh, what a good daddy!
GILL
He was lookin' for you after all, Sharkbait.
GILL
[gasps]
GURGLE
He's swimming to the filter!
GILL
[gasps] Sharkbait!
BLOAT
Not again!
GILL
Sharkbait!
DEB
No!
GURGLE
You've got your whole life ahead of you!
BLOAT
Oh no!
GILL
We'll help you, kid!
BLOAT
Gotta get him out!
DEB
Gimme that thing!
DEB
Get him outta there!
GURGLE
Come on, kid! Grab the end!
ALL
[gasps]
DEB
Sharkbait!
BLOAT
Sharkbait! Are you okay!?
GURGLE
No!
GILL
Can you hear me, Sharkbait!? Nemo! Can you hear me!?
NEMO
Yeah, I can hear you.
GILL
Sharkbait, you did it!
GURGLE
Sharkbait, you're--covered with germs! Aaaaaaah!!!
GILL
That took guts, kid.
GILL
39
All right, gang. We have less than 48 hours before Darla gets here. This tank'll get
plenty dirty in that time but we have to help it along any way we can. Jacques!
JACQUES
Oui!
GILL
No cleaning.
JACQUES
I shall resist.
GILL
Everybody else, be as gross as possible. Think dirty thoughts. We're gonna make this tank
so filthy, the dentist'll have to clean it.
BLOAT
[belch]
GILL
Good work.
NEMO
Ha ha ha ha!
======================================================================================
CRUSH
All right, we're here, dudes! Get ready! Your exit's comin' up, man!
MARLIN
Where!? I don't see it!
DORY
Right there! I see it! I see it!
MARLIN
You mean the swirling vortex of terror!?
CRUSH
That's it, dude!
MARLIN
Of course it is.
CRUSH
Okay, first: find your exit buddy!
CRUSH
Do you have your exit buddy?
DORY
Yes!
CRUSH
Okay, Squirt here will now give you a rundown of proper exiting technique!
SQUIRT
Good afternoon, we're gonna have a great jump today! Okay, crank a hard cutback as you hit
the wall! There's a screaming bottom turn, so watch out! Remember: rip it, roll it and
punch it!
MARLIN
It's like he's trying to speak to me, I know it! You know, you're really cute! But I don't
know what you're saying! Say the first thing again!
CRUSH
Okay, Jellyman! Go, go, go, go, go, go!
MARLIN/DORY
Aaaaaaaaaah!!! Weeeeeeeeeeee!!! Whoooooooooooaaaaa!!! Aaaaaaaaaaah!!! Woohoooo!!!
Whoooooaaa!!!
DORY
Whoooo!
MARLIN
40
Ha ha ha ha! That was..fun! Ha ha! I actually enjoyed that!
DORY
Hey, look! Turtles!
CRUSH
Ha ha! Most excellent! Now, turn your fishy tails 'round and swim straight on through
to Sydney! No worries, man!
MARLIN
No worries! Thank you, dude Crush!
TURTLE KIDS
Bye! Bye, Jellyman!
CRUSH
You tell your little dude I said 'hi', okay?
SQUIRT
See you later, dudes!
DORY
Bye, everyone!
MARLIN
Oh, Nemo would've loved this. Hey, ooh! Hey, Crush! Crush, I forgot! How old are you?
CRUSH
Hundred and fifty, dude! And still young! Rock on!
MARLIN
Hundred and fifty! Hundred and fifty, I gotta remember that.
DORY
Whoa. We goin' in there?
MARLIN
Yup.
DORY
P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney?
MARLIN
Yup. We're gonna just swim straight.
DORY
[singing] Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.
MARLIN
Dory?
======================================================================================
MARLIN
Boy, this is taking a while.
DORY
Hey, how about we play a game?
MARLIN
Okay.
DORY
Uh, okay. I'm thinking of something, uh, orange. And it's small..
MARLIN
It's me.
DORY
Right. Okay..
DORY
..orange, and uh, small..
MARLIN
It's me.
41
DORY
All righty, Mr. Smarty Pants.
DORY
..orange and small, and white stripes..
MARLIN
Me. And the next one's just a guess: me.
DORY
Okay, that's just scary.
MARLIN
W-w-wait, I have definitely seen this floating speck before. That means we've passed it
before and that means we're going in circles and that means we're not going straight!
DORY
Hey. Hey!
MARLIN
We gotta get to the surface, come on! Let's figure it out up there. Let's go! Follow me!
Wha--?
DORY
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey! Relax. Take a deep breath. Now, let's ask somebody for directions.
MARLIN
Oh, fine. Who do you wanna ask, the speck? There's nobody here!
DORY
Well, there has to be someone. It's the ocean, silly, we're not the only two in here.
Let's see...okay, no one there. Uhh, nope. Nada. [gasps] There's somebody. Hey! Excuse--
MARLIN
Dory! Dory! Dory! Okay, now it's my turn. I'm thinking of something dark and mysterious.
It's a fish we don't know. And if we ask it directions, it could ingest us and spit out
our bones!
DORY
What is it with men and asking for directions?
MARLIN
Look, I don't wanna play the gender card right now. You wanna play a card? Let's play the
'Let's Not Die' card.
DORY
You wanna get outta here, don't you?
MARLIN
Of course, I do.
DORY
Well then, how are we gonna do that unless we give it a shot and hope for the best? Hmmm?
Hmmmm!? Come on, trust me on this.
MARLIN
All right.
DORY
Excuse me! Woohoo! Little fella? Hello. Don't be rude, say 'hi'.
MARLIN
Ha..hello.
DORY
His son Bingo..
MARLIN
Nemo.
DORY
..Nemo, was taken to, uh..
MARLIN
Sydney.
DORY
42
Sydney. Yes. And it's really, really important that we get there as fast as we can. So can
you help us out? Come on, little fella. Come on.
MARLIN
Dory, I'm a little fella. I don't think that's a little fella.
DORY
Oh. Oh, oh, big fella. Big fe--whale. Okay. Maybe he only speaks whale.
MOOOOO-WEEEEEEE-NEEEEED...
MARLIN
Uh, Dory..what're you doing?
DORY
TOOOOOOO-FIIIIIIND...
MARLIN
What're you doing?
DORY
HIS-SOOOOOOOOOOOON...
MARLIN
Are you sure you speak whale?
DORY
CAN-YOOOOOOOUUU-GIIIIIIIIIVE-USSSS-DIRECTIOOOOOOOONS-TOOOOOOOOO...
MARLIN
Dory! Heaven knows what you're saying! See, he's swimming away.
DORY
COOOME-BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
MARLIN
He's not coming back. You offended him.
DORY
Maybe a different dialect. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MOOOOOAAAAAAAAAA..!
MARLIN
Dory. Dory, this is not whale. You're speaking like..upset stomach.
DORY
Maybe I should try humpback.
MARLIN
No, don't try humpback.
DORY
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOO!!! WAAAAAAAAAOOOOOO!!!
MARLIN
Okay, you actually sound sick.
DORY
Maybe louder, huh? RAAAH!!! RAAAAH!!!
MARLIN
Don't do that!
DORY
Too much orca. Didn't it sound a little orca-ish?
MARLIN
It doesn't sound orca! It sounds like nothing I've ever heard!
DORY
MOOOO..MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
MARLIN
It's just as well, he might be hungry.
DORY
Don't worry. Whales don't eat clownfish, they eat krill.
KRILL
43
Swim away!
DORY
Oh, look. Krill.
MARLIN
Move, Dory! Move!
DORY
Aah-aaah! Aaaaaaaaaah!
======================================================================================
GILL
Look at that. Would you look at that? Filthy. Absolutely filthy. And it's all thanks to
you, kid. You made it possible. Jacques, I said no cleaning!
JACQUES
I am ashamed.
PEACH
Hey, look. Scum angel.
GURGLE
Aah! Aaaah! Ooh-ooh! Aaaaah!
BUBBLES
Bubbles! I love the bubbles--! [coughs]
DEB
Flo! Flo! Has anybody seen Flo? Flo!
PEACH
Nine o' clock and cue dentist.
DENTIST
Hello, Barbara. Sorry I'm late.
PEACH
Okay. Okay, here we go. Here we go, okay.
DENTIST
Little Davey Reynolds.
PEACH
Okay. Walks to the counter, drops the keys..
GURGLE
Bloat, that's disgusting!
BLOAT
Tastes pretty good to me. [belch]
GURGLE
Eww! Don't you people realize we are swimming in our own--
PEACH
Shhh! Here he comes.
DENTIST
Crikey, what a state. Oh. Barbara, what's my earliest appointment tomorrow?
BARBARA
Uh, ten 'o clock, luv.
DENTIST
Leave it open, would you? I gotta clean the fish tank before Darla gets here.
GILL
He he! Did you hear that, Sharkbait?
NEMO
Yay! He's gonna clean the tank! He's gonna clean the tank! We're gonna be clean!
GILL
Are you ready to see your dad, kid?
44
NEMO
Uh-huh.
GILL
Of course you are. Y'know, I wouldn't be surprised if he's out there in the harbor
waitin' for you right now.
NEMO
Yeah.
======================================================================================
MARLIN
Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Ooof!
DORY
Ha~~haaa~~haaaaaaah! Whooo!
MARLIN
Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
DORY
Here comes a big one--whooooooo! Come on, you gotta try this!
MARLIN
Would you just stop it!?
DORY
Why? What's wrong?
MARLIN
We're in a whale! Don't you get it!?
DORY
A whale?
MARLIN
A whale! 'Cause you had to ask for help! And now we're stuck here!
DORY
Wow. A whale. You know I speak whale.
MARLIN
No, you're insane! You can't speak whale! I have to get out! I have to find my son!
I have to tell him how old sea turtles are! [sobs]
DORY
Woo-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hoo! Hey. You okay?
DORY
There, there. It's all right. It'll be okay.
MARLIN
No. No, it won't.
DORY
Sure it will, you'll see.
MARLIN
No. I promised him I'd never let anything happen to him.
DORY
Huh. That's a funny thing to promise.
MARLIN
What?
DORY
Well, you can't never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him.
Not much fun for little Harpo.
DORY
Hmm..
MARLIN
What's going on?
45
DORY
I don't know. I'll ask him. MMMWWHAAAAAAAAA! HUUUWHAAAAAAAAA..
MARLIN
Dory. Dory.
MARLIN
..AAAAAAAAAAT'SSS-GOOIIIIIIING..
MARLIN
Dory.
DORY
..OOOOOOOOONNN?
DORY
I think he says we've stopped.
MARLIN
Of course, we've stopped. Just stop trying to speak whale, you're gonna make things worse.
[gasps] What is that noise? Oh no. Look what you did. The water's going down!
It's-it's-it's going down!
DORY
Really? You sure about that?
MARLIN
Look, it's already half-empty!
DORY
Hmm..I'd say it's half full.
MARLIN
Stop that! It's half-empty!
DORY
Okay, that one was a little tougher. He either said we should go to the back of the throat
or he wants a root beer float.
MARLIN
Of course he wants us to go there! That's eating us! How do I taste, Moby!? Huh!?
Do I taste good!? You tell him I'm not interested in being lunch!
DORY
Okay. HEEEEEEEEE--
MARLIN
Stop talking to him--waaaah!
DORY
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
MARLIN
What is going on!?
DORY
I'll check! WHAAAAAAA--!
MARLIN
No! No more whale! You can't speak whale!
DORY
Yes, I can!
MARLIN
No, you can't! You think you could do these things but you can't, Nemo!
DORY
Okay.
MARLIN
Dory!
DORY
He says it's time to let go! Everything's gonna be all right!
MARLIN
46
How do you know!? How do you know something bad isn't gonna happen!?
DORY
I don't!
MARLIN/DORY
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
MARLIN
Ha ha ha! We're alive!
DORY
Look! Sy-d-ney..Sydney! Uh, Sydney! Sydney again!
MARLIN
You were right, Dory! We made it! We're gonna find my son!
MARLIN
THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK-YOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUU-SIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
DORY
Wow. I wish I could speak whale.
MARLIN
Okay. All we gotta do is find the boat that took him.
DORY
Right!
MARLIN
Come on, Dory. We can do this!
======================================================================================
PEACH
[yawn] Morning. [gasps] It's morning, everyone! Today's the day! The sun is shining, the
tank is clean and we are getting out of--[gasps]--the tank is clean. The tank is clean!
DEB
But how?
GILL
Boss must've installed it last night while we were sleepin'.
NEMO
What're we gonna do?
GILL
What's it say, Peach?
PEACH
[muffled] The AquaScum two-thousand..
GILL
I can't hear you, Peach.
PEACH
'The AquaScum 2003 is an all-purpose, self-cleaning maintenance free salt water purifier
that is guaranteed to even extend the life of your aquarium fish'.
BLOAT
[inflates] Stop it!
PEACH
'The AquaScum is programmed to scan your tank environment every 5 minutes'?
GURGLE
Scan? What does that mean?
GURGLE
Aaah!
AQUASCUM
Temperature: 82 degrees. PH balance: normal.
ALL
Oooooh.
47
PEACH
Nice.
GURGLE
Ooh..ah..curse you, AquaScum!
BLOAT
That's it for the escape plan. It's ruined!
NEMO
Then what're we gonna do about--
ALL
[gasps] Darla!
GILL
Stay down, kid!
BLOAT
False alarm.
GURGLE
My nerves can't take much more of this.
BLOAT
What're we gonna do when that little brat gets here?
GILL
I'm thinkin', I'm thinkin'.
NEMO
Aaah! Oh! Gill!
GILL
[gasps] Nemo!
NEMO
Help me! Help me!
GILL
Hold on! I'm comin'!
NEMO
Help me!
GILL
Swim down! Come on, kid! Swim down! Come on!
BLOAT
Everybody jump in!
DEB
Swim down!
GILL
That's it!
DENTIST
What the!?
ALL
Yay!
GILL
Good work!
NEMO
Gill!
GILL
[gasps] Nemo!
BLOAT
Sharkbait!
GILL
48
Roll, kid! Lean! Lean!
DENTIST
Whoops. That would've been a nasty fall.
NEMO
Gill! Don't let me go belly up!
GILL
Just calm down, Nemo.
NEMO
Don't let me go belly up!
GILL
You won't go belly up, I promise. You're gonna be okay.
ALL
[gasps] Darla!
======================================================================================
DORY
All right, do any of these boats look familiar to you?
MARLIN
No, but the boat has to be here somewhere! Come on, Dory, we're gonna find it.
DORY
I'm totally excited. [yawn] Are you excited? [yawn]
MARLIN
Dory, wake up, wake up. Come on.
DORY
[gasps] Duck!
MARLIN
That's not a duck. It's a--pelican! Whooooaaaaah!
DORY
Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
MARLIN
No! I didn't come this far to be breakfast!
PELICAN
Hey, hey, Nigel. Heh, would you look at that?
NIGEL
Huh? Wha-what?
PELICAN
Sun's barely up and already Gerald's had more than he can handle.
NIGEL
Yeah. Reckon somebody oughta help the poor guy.
PELICANS
Yeah, yeah, right.
NIGEL
Well, don't everybody fly off at once.
NIGEL
All right, Gerald, what is it? Fish got your tongue?
DORY
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
NIGEL
Love a duck!
MARLIN
I gotta find my son Nemo!
NIGEL
49
[gasps] Nemo? Hey, hey, hey! He's that fish! Y'know the one we were talking about!
The one that's been fighting the whole ocean! Hey, I know where your son i--huh?
Hey, wait! Come back! Stop!
MARLIN
Dory, keep going! He's crazy!
NIGEL
I got something to tell 'ya!
GULL
Mine.
NIGEL
Okay, don't make any sudden moves. Hop inside my mouth if you want to live.
MARLIN
Hop in your mouth, huh? And how does that make me live?
GULL
Mine.
NIGEL
Because I can take you to your son.
MARLIN
Yeah, right.
NIGEL
No. I know your son. He's orange, he's got a gimpy fin on one side..
MARLIN
That's Nemo!
GULLS
Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!
DORY
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
NIGEL
Fasten your seatbelts!
GULLS
Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!
DORY
Whoooooo! Woohooooo!
GULLS
Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!
DORY
Ha-haaaa! Ha ha ha ha!
MARLIN
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
NIGEL
Everybody hold on!
MARLIN/DORY
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
GULLS
Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!
======================================================================================
BUBBLES
Aaaah! Too loud! Too loud for me!
DARLA
[singing] Twinkle, twinkle little star.
PEACH
Find a happy place, find a happy place, find a happy place!
50
BARBARA
Darla, you're uncle will see you now.
DENTIST
All right, let's see those pearly whites.
DARLA
RAAAH! I'm a piranha. They're in the Amazon.
DENTIST
And a piranha's a fish, just like your present.
DARLA
[giggling] I get a fishy! Fishy, fishy, fishy!
DENTIST
Oh no. Poor little guy.
BLOAT
He's dead!
GILL
Sharkbait!
DARLA
Yay! Fishy, fishy, fishy!
DENTIST
He he he! Must've left your present in the car, sweetie. Ha ha ha ha ha!
DARLA
Awwwww.
DENTIST
I'll go and get it.
GILL
[gasps] He's still alive!
PEACH
He's not dead!
BLOAT
What's happening? Why is he playing dead?
GILL
He's gonna get flushed down the toilet! He's gonna get outta here!
DEB
Yay!
BLOAT
He's gonna get flushed!
GURGLE
What a smart little guy!
GILL
Oh no, not the trash can!
BUBBLES
Nemo! No!
NIGEL
Hey! Hey! I found his dad!
MARLIN
Where's Nemo!? Where is he!?
BLOAT
Dentist! Dentist!
GILL
He's over there!
MARLIN
51
What's a dentist!? What is that!? [gasps] Nigel, get in there!
NIGEL
I can't go in there.
MARLIN
Oh yes, you can! Charge!
DARLA
Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
DENTIST
What the--!? Darla, sweetie! Look out!
DARLA
Aaaaaaaah!
DENTIST
Hold still!
DARLA
Aaaaaaaah!
DENTIST
Easy! Easy!
DARLA
Aaaaaaaah!
DENTIST
Hold still! Nobody's going to hurt you! Oof!
MARLIN
[gasps] Nemo.
DORY
[gasps] Oh my goodness.
DENTIST
Gotcha! Keep down!
MARLIN
Nemo!
NEMO
Daddy?
DENTIST
Out with 'ya! And stay out!
NEMO
Daddy!?
DARLA
Fishy? Fishy! Wake up! Wake up!
DEB
Oh no!
GILL
Quick! To the top of Mt. Wannahockaloogie!
DARLA
Why are you sleeping!?
PEACH
Hurry!
GILL
Bloat! Ring of Fire!
DARLA
Fishy--aaaaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaaah!
DENTIST
What!? All the animals have gone mad!
52
DARLA
Aaaaaaaah! Get it out!
GURGLE
Smack her in the head!
BLOAT
Go, Gill! Go!
DARLA
Fish in my hair! Aaaaaaaah!
NEMO
Gill.
GILL
Sharkbait. Tell your dad..I said..hi. Go get 'em.
DENTIST
Ooooh. [gasps]
BLOAT
He did it! Ha ha!
DEB
Yay!
BUBBLES
I'm so happy!
GURGLE
Is he gonna be okay, Gill?
GILL
Don't worry. All drains lead to the ocean.
DARLA
Fishy!
NEMO
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Daddy!
======================================================================================
NIGEL
I'm, I'm so sorry. Truly, I am.
DORY
Hey..
MARLIN
Dory. If it wasn't for you, I never even would have made it here. So, thank you.
DORY
Hey! Hey, wait a minute. W-w-wait! Where are you going?
MARLIN
It's over, Dory. We were too late. Nemo's gone and I'm going home now.
DORY
No..no, you can't! Stop! Please don't go away. Please? No one's ever stuck with me for
so long before. And if you leave, if you leave...I just, I remember things better with you.
I do. Look, P. Sherman, 42..40..2..agh! I remember it, I do. It's there, I know it is
because when I look at you, I can feel it. And I, I look at you and...I'm home. Please.
I don't want them to go away. I don't wanna forget.
MARLIN
I'm sorry, Dory, but I do.
======================================================================================
CRAB 1
Manna from heavens!
CRAB 2
Sweet nectar of life!
53
CRAB 1/CRAB 2
Hey! Hey, hey! Hey!
CRAB 1
This is our spot!
CRAB 2
Go on! Get outta here!
CRAB 1/CRAB 2
Hey, hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
CRAB 1
Yeah, that's it fella! Just keep on swimmin', you got that!
CRAB 2
Too right, mate! Oh, Oh! I got a live one here!
NEMO
Hey, have you seen my dad?
CRAB 2
Gotcha! Hey! Hey! Come back here!
CRAB 1
You let 'im go!
CRAB 1/CRAB 2
Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
NEMO
Dad! Dad! Dad!
DORY
Aah! No!
NEMO
Um, excuse me. Are you all right?
DORY
I don't know where I am! I don't know what's going on, I think I lost somebody but I,
I can't remember.
NEMO
It's okay, it's okay. I'm looking for someone too. Hey, we can look together.
DORY
I'm Dory.
NEMO
I'm Nemo.
DORY
Nemo? That's a nice name.
======================================================================================
NEMO
Dad!
DORY
Dad!
NEMO
Dad!
DORY
Dad! Wait a minute, is it your dad or my dad?
NEMO
My dad.
DORY
Got it. Dad!
NEMO
Where are we, anyway?
54
DORY
Dad! Dad! Oh. S-ss-syl--shi--Sydney. [gasps] 'P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney'.
DORY
Aaaaah! Nemo! It's you! Aaaaaah! You're Nemo!
NEMO
[muffled] Yes! Yes! I'm Nemo!
DORY
Oh! You're Nemo! [gasps] You were dead! I saw you! And then I--[gasps], here you are!
I found you! You're not dead! And your father--[gasps]! Your father!
NEMO
My father!? You know my father!? Where is he!?
DORY
[gasps] This way! He went this way! Quick!
DORY
Hey! Hey, hey! Hey!
CRAB 1/CRAB 2
Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
DORY
Hey! Have you seen an orange fish swim by? It looks just like him!
NEMO
But bigger!
CRAB 2
Yeah, I saw 'im, bluey! But I'm not tellin' you where he went. And there's no way you're
gonna make me!
GULL
Mine.
CRAB
Huh!? Aaaah! All right! I'll talk! I'll talk! He went to the fishing grounds! Aaaaah!
GULLS
Mine!Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!
======================================================================================
FISH
Hey! Look out!
MARLIN
Sorry. Just trying to get home.
NEMO
Dad! Dad!
MARLIN
Nemo?
NEMO
Daddy!
MARLIN
Nemo?
NEMO
Dad!
DORY
Nemo's alive!
MARLIN
Dory? [gasps] Nemo!
NEMO
Daddy!
55
MARLIN
Nemo! I'm coming, Nemo!
NEMO
Dad!
MARLIN
Nemo!
NEMO
Dad!
MARLIN
Oh, thank goodness! It's all right, son. It's gonna be okay.
FISH
Turn around! You're going the wrong way! Aaaaaaaaaaah!
DORY
Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Look out!
MARLIN
Move! Move!
FISH
Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
DORY
Help! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
MARLIN
Dory!
NEMO
Come on!
DORY
Heeeeeeeelp!!! Help!
NEMO
Dory!
DORY
Help! Get us out! Aaaaaaaah!
MARLIN
No, no, no! No! Dory!
NEMO
Dad! I know what to do!
MARLIN
Nemo! No!
NEMO
We have to tell all the fish to swim down together!
MARLIN
Get out of there, now!
NEMO
I know this will work!
MARLIN
No, I am not gonna lose you again!
NEMO
Dad, there's no time! It's the only way we can save Dory! I can do this!
MARLIN
You're right. I know you can.
NEMO
Lucky fin!
MARLIN
Now go! Hurry!
56
NEMO
Tell all of the fish to swim down!
MARLIN
Well!? You heard my son! Come on!
NEMO
Dory!
DORY
[gasps]
NEMO
You have to tell everybody to..
MARLIN
..swim down together! Do you understand what I'm saying to you!? Swim down!
DORY
Everybody swim down!
NEMO
Come on! You have to swim down!
DORY
Swim down, okay?
NEMO
Swim..
MARLIN
down! Swim down! Swim down! Swim down!
MARLIN
Don't give up! Keep swimming! Just keep swimming!
NEMO
It's working!
FISH
Keep swimming! Keep swimming! Keep swimming!
MARLIN
Just keep swimming! Keep swimming!
NEMO
Come on, dad!
MARLIN
You're doing great, son!
NEMO
That's my dad!
MARLIN
Come on! Let's get to the bottom! Keep swimming!
DORY
[singing] Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.
MARLIN
Almost there! Keep swimming!
FISH
Keep swimming! Keep swimming! Keep swimming! Keep swimming! Yay!
MARLIN
Oww!
DORY
Hey!
MARLIN
Dory! Where's Nemo!?
DORY
57
[gasps] There!
MARLIN
Oh no. Nemo!
MARLIN
Nemo? Nemo? It's okay. Daddy's here, daddy's got you.
NEMO
[coughs] Daddy?
MARLIN
Oh, thank goodness.
NEMO
Dad...I don't hate you.
MARLIN
No, no, no. I'm so sorry, Nemo.
MARLIN
Hey, guess what?
NEMO
What?
MARLIN
Sea turtles? I met one! And he was a hundred and fifty years old.
NEMO
Hundred and fifty?
MARLIN
Yep.
NEMO
'Cause Sandy Plankton said they only live to be a hundred.
MARLIN
Sandy Plankton? Do you think I would cross the entire ocean and not know as much as
Sandy Plankton!?
NEMO
Ha ha ha ha!
MARLIN
He was a hundred and fifty! Not one hundred! Who is this Sandy Plankton who knows everything?
======================================================================================
MARLIN
Time for school! Time for school! Get up! Let's go! Go!
MARLIN
I'm gonna win!
NEMO
No, you're not! I did it! Woohoo! Ha ha ha!
MARLIN
Oh! My own son beats me!
MR. RAY
Climb aboard, explorers!
MARLIN
So just then, the sea cucumber looks over to the mollusk and says : 'with fronds like these,
who needs anemones?'!
BOB/TED/BILL
Haaa-ha ha ha ha ha ha!
MR. RAY
Well, hello, Nemo! Who's this?
NEMO
Exchange student.
58
SQUIRT
I'm from the EAC, dude!
MR. RAY
Sweet.
NEMO/SQUIRT
Totally.
BOB
But seriously, Marty, did you really do all the things you say you did?
BRUCE
Uh, pardon me.
BOB/TED/BILL
[gasps]
BRUCE
Hello.
TED
Ohh!
BRUCE
Don't be alarmed.
ANCHOR
Oh, we just wanna make sure that our newest member got home safe.
DORY
Thanks, guys.
BRUCE
Well, we'll see you next week.
CHUM
Keep up with the program, Dory.
ANCHOR
Remember: fish are friends..
DORY
..not food! Bye!
MR. RAY
Hold on! Here we go! Next up, knowledge!
MARLIN
Bye, son! Have fun!
NEMO
Bye, dad! Oh! Oh, Mr. Ray! Wait. I forgot something.
NEMO
Love you, dad.
MARLIN
I love you too, son.
NEMO
Uh, dad, you can let go now.
MARLIN
Sorry! Now go have an adventure!
SQUIRT
Goodbye! See you later, dudes!
DORY
Bye, Elmo!
MARLIN
Nemo.
DORY
59
Nemo! Bye, Nemo!
NEMO
See you after school, Dory! Bye, dad!
MARLIN
Bye, son.Timon: Bambi!
Off singing voice Love is a song that never ends
Life may be swift and fleeting
Hope may die
Yet love's beautiful music
Comes each day
Like the dawn
Love is a song that never ends
One simple theme repeating
Like the voice of a heavenly choir
Love's sweet music flows onLike the voice of a heavenly choir
Love's sweet music flows on
The music introduces us in the depth of the forest, where the animals of this story live. The chirping of the birds lead us to the place where our friends are going to appear.
An old owl arrives to his tree to rest during the day. In the same tree live some squirrels, sleeping at that hour of the day; we can see a nest where three chicks are waiting for their mother who is bringing them some food. The day breaks and all the animals must to awake: a small mouse washes his face with a dewdrop. Everything seems to be calm, in peace, but suddenly the birds spread the new: the little prince is born. Owl Who-o, who-o snoring Who-o, who-o, who-o Birds Tweet-tweet-tweet Tweet-tweet-tweet All the animals stop their doings; they listen the news so exciting. In that moment a little rabbit appears near the tree where the Old owl is sleeping. This rabbit is our friend Thumper who thumps to the owl wakes up. Thumper Wake up, wake up! Owl Oh, what now? Thumper Wake up, friend Owl! Owl What�s going around on here? Thumper It�s happened! It�s happened! All his brothers and sisters are jumping all around full in excitement The new prince is born! We�re going to see him! Come on! You�d better hurry up!
The animals run into the depth of the forest, and in a clearing the camera shows a deer with her newborn fawn, the new Prince who is sleeping.
Animal 1 Oh my! Animal 2 Well look! Animal 3 Well, isn�t he cute?
Everybody admires the newborn. The owl, Thumper and his family arrive.
Owl Well, this is quite an occasion, yes sir. Isn't every day a prince is born to Bambi�s mother You�re to be congratulated. Animals Congratulations! Congratulations! Bambi's Mother to the animals Thank you very much. Licking Bambi Come on, wake up. We have company. Bambi opens his eyes and looks a bit surprised because of all the animals Animals Hello, hello! Hello little Prince! Hello little Prince! Owl Who-o who-o, heh, heh, heh, who-o who-o laughs. Bambi seems to be afraid of him, but sooner he laughs him back softly Thumper Look, he�s trying to get up! Thumper takes advantage of this situation and stays closer watching and smelling the newborn; but the fact is that Bambi is not sure yet on his legs and falls Kind of wobbly, isn�t he? Thumper's Mother angrily Thumper! Thumper Well, he is. to Bambi aren�t ya? Bambi sneezing At-twat! Everybody laughs Owl Bambi is so tired, and yawns Looks to me like he�s getting kind of sleepy. to the animals I think it�s time we all left. Come on, shoo-o, shoo-o. to a little squirrel who is absorbed looking Bambi Come on, shoo-o, shoo-o! Psst. to the birds Psst. All the animals leave except Thumper who wants to see into the Bambi�s mouth because he is still yawning
Thumper's Mother Thumper! Come on. Thumper to Bambi�s Mother What-cha gonna call him? Bambi's Mother Well, I think I�ll call him Bambi. Thumper thinking Bambi. Yep, I guess that�ll do all right he leaves
Bambi's Mother to herself and Bambi Bambi, my little Bambi. The camera moves away leading us to the top of a crag where the entire scene has been watching by a majestic stag. The image turns to black.
Scene changes. Bambi and his mother are walking by the forest. The little deer is discovering lot of things and animals. From a tree a squirrel watches them in their walk Squirrel Walking already. Well, what do you know! Mrs. Quail to Bambi�s Mother Good morning! Bambi's Mother Good morning Mrs. Quail. Mrs. Quail And where�s the young prince this--- in that moment Bambi appears to Bambi Oh, good morning Bambi! Mrs. Quail's chicks to Bambi Good morning young Prince! They continue after their mother, but one of them returns Chick Goodbye! Opossums' Mother Good morning young Prince! Opossums Good morning young Prince! Bambi is a bit surprised because this family has their heads down. He continues his walk but something strange appears in front of him. From the underground a mole appears. Mole Good morning. Nice sunny day! He disappears again
Bambi continues his walk jumping but he looses the balance and falls down. Thumper's family What�s the matter? What happened? Thumper Did the young Prince falls down? Rabbit Is he hurt? Bambi's Mother No, he�s all right. Thumper to Bambi�s Mother He doesn�t walk very good, does he? Thumper's Mother Thumper! Thumper Yes mama? Thumper's Mother What did your father tell you this morning? Thumper reciting If you can�t say something nice don�t say nothing at all Bambi's Mother Come on, Bambi. Get up. Try again. Rabbits Come on! Get up! Get up! Try again! Bambi gets up and walks with his new friends. All of them laugh, jump and run. Thumper runs to an old trunk and there, using his foot, thumps. Thumper I�m thumping. That�s why they all me Thumper. Echo ...call me Thumper... Thumper Thumper! Echo ...Thumper!... They continue jumping and playing. The bunnies jump over a trunk but Bambi stop in front of it. His friends cheer him up to jump like them. Thumper Come on! You can do it! Hop over it, like this. Rabbits Hop over it, hop over it, hip over it, hope over it. Like this. Bambi smiles and tries, but he fails. He is trapped over the trunk. Thumper You didn�t hop far enough. Bambi pass one of his legs over the trunk but when he is going to pass the other the legs are tangled up and he falls down again. Thumper helps him. Thumper That�s it! Now the other one. Gee whiz, what happened that time?
They all continue their walk. The birds are chirping happily and Bambi and friends go to see them closer. Bambi ask with his eyes who are they. Thumper Those are birds. Bambi trying to talk Burrr! Burrr! Thumper Look, he�s trying to talk. Bambi Burr-r-r! Rabbit He�s trying to say bird. Thumper Say bird! Bambi Burr-r-r Thumper Bird Bambi Burr-rr Thumper denying Uh-uh. Bird-duh! Rabbits Come on, say bird! Say bird! Say bird! Say bird! Bambi Bird! Every body laughs Rabbits To their mother He talked! He talked momma! Rabbit The young Prince said, �bird�! Bambi happy and proud Bird, bird, bird, bird. He sees a butterfly and follows her calling her bird too Bird! Thumper No that's not a bird. That�s a butterfly. Bambi Butterfly! Thumper nods Butter--- but the butterfly has flown away. Then Bambi sees some flowers and he thinks they are butterflies too Butterfly! Thumper No that's a flower. Bambi surprised Flower? Thumper Uh-uh. It�s pretty he smells them and Bambi imitates him Bambi Pretty He�s smelling them when his nose touches another. Then appears a skunk Flower! Flower Me? Thumper Laughing No, no, no. That�s not a flower! He�s a little... Flower Oh that's all right. He can call me a flower, if he wants to giggles I don'� mind. Bambi looking both Thumper and Flower Pretty, pretty Flower! Flower Ohh giggles Gosh!
Bambi and Thumper continue their walk for the forest but suddenly a storm starts with lightings and thunders. Thumper I think I�d better go home how he leaves Bambi alone Bambi runs with his mother and they arrive to the little cave where they live. It�s raining
Off singing voice Drip, drip, drop
Little April shower
Beating a time as you fall all around
Drip, drip, drop
Little April shower
What can compare with
Your beautiful sound
Beautiful sound beautiful sound
Drip, drop
Drip, drop
Drip, drip, drop
When the sky is cloudy
Your pretty music
Will brighten the day
Drip, drip, drop
When the sky is cloudy
You'll come along with
A song right away
Come with your beautiful music
Drip, drip, drop
Little April shower
Beating a tune as you fall all around
Drip, drip, drop
Little April shower
What can compare with
Your beautiful sound
Drip, drip, drop
When the sky is cloudy
You'll come along with
Your pretty little song
When the sky is cloudy
You'll come along with
Your pretty little song
Gay little roundelay
Gay little roundelay
Song of a rainy day
Song of a rainy day
How I love to hear your patter
Pretty little pitter-patter
Troubles always seem to scatter
Drip, drip, drop
Little April shower
Beating a tune as you fall around
Drip, drip, drop
Little April shower
What can compare with
Your beautiful sound
Bambi Mother, what we gonna do today? Bambi's Mother I�m going to take you to the meadow. Bambi Meadow? What�s the meadow? Bambi's Mother It�s a very wonderful place. Bambi Then, why haven�t we been there before? Bambi's Mother You weren�t big enough. Bambi Mother, you know what? Bambi's Mother What? Bambi We�re not the only deer in the forest. Bambi's Mother Where did you hear that? Bambi Thumper told me. Bambi's Mother Well, he�s right. There are many deer in the forest, beside us. Bambi Then, why don�t I ever see them? Bambi's Mother You will sometime. Bambi On the meadow Bambi's Mother perhaps. Hush now. We�re almost there. She stops and watches everything carefully Bambi The meadow! He runs without doubt Bambi's Mother Wait! Bambi wait! You must never rush out on the meadow. There might be danger. Out there we are unprotected. The meadow is wide and open; there are no trees or bushes to hide us, so we have to be very careful. Wait here. I�ll go out first. If the meadow is safe I�ll call you. Bambi�s so afraid. His mother goes out to the meadow, carefully, watching and listening everything Come on, Bambi. It�s all right. Come on. At first, Bambi is not sure, but after a while he goes out with her and soon both are jumping and playing in the meadow.
Rabbits Good morning Prince Bambi! Thumper's Mother Good morning young Prince. Bambi Hello. Wat-cha eating? Rabbits Clover Thumper It�s awfully good. It�s delicious! Why don�t you try some? Bambi starts eating some of green but... No, no not that green stuff, just eat the blossoms, that�s the good stuff. Thumper's Mother Thumper! he is going to eat a blossom Thumper Yes mama? Thumper's Mother What did your father tell you? Thumper About what? Thumper's Mother About eating the blossoms and leaving the greens. Thumper Oh, that one. Clearing the throat and reciting Eating green is a special treat. It makes long ears and great big feet in low voice But it sure is awful stuff to eat secretly to Bambi I made that last part up myself. Bambi starts to eat again but from the same place where he is eating a frog appears Frog Watch out! Bambi decides to follow her, but the frog disappears in the river. Bambi jumps in it until he finally stops and sees his image reflected in the river. But something strange has happened in it because now there are two reflected faces. Bambi is surprised when one of the faces giggles. He meets another deer and tries to run away but the deer follows him everywhere. Finally he takes refuge with his mother. Bambi's Mother to Bambi That�s little Faline Faline to her mother He�s kind of bashful, isn�t he Mamma? Faline's Mother Well, maybe he wouldn�t be if you�d say hello. Faline Hello Bambi he doesn�t answer I said hello Bambi's Mother Well, aren�t you going to answer her? he denies You�re not afraid, are you? he denies again Well, then go ahead, go on! Say hello. Bambi bashfully Hello. Faline giggles Bambi looks at her so angry Bambi Yeeoow! Both finally play together. In that moment all the young male deer appear in the meadow. Bambi watches them impressed and follows them. Suddenly everyone in the meadow stops and look to the majestic old stag who is approaching. He stops in front of Bambi and look at him right into his eyes, saying nothing. Bambi gives back a smile but the old deer seems to ignore him. Bambi is now afraid. Then his mother arrives next to him Bambi He stopped and looked at me Bambi's Mother Yes I know. Bambi Why was everyone still when he came on the meadow? Bambi's Mother Everyone respects him. For of all the deer in the forest not one has lived half so long. He�s very brave, and very wise. That�s why he�s known as the Great Prince of the forest. The camera shows us how the old deer moves away to the depth of the forest, but suddenly he stops and watches how screech the birds. The message is clear: the deer are in danger. He comes back to the meadow and gives the advice. All the deer runs for their lives Faline's Mother Faline! Bambi's Mother Bambi! Bambi is confused and he can�t find his mother Bambi Mother! Bambi's Mother Bambi! Bambi! Bambi Mother! Mother! Mother! The Great prince appears in front of him and led him out the meadow with his mother. Gunshots can be heard. After a while, Bambi�s mother watches the place. The danger is over
Bambi's Mother Come on out Bambi, come on. It�s safe now. We don�t have to hide any longer. Bambi What happened mother? Why did we all run? Bambi's Mother Man was in the forest.
The seasons pass, spring, autumn, winter... Bambi is going to discover the snow. Bambi Mother, look! What�s all that white stuff? Bambi's Mother Why it�s snow. Bambi Snow? Bambi's Mother Winter has came Bambi goes out the cave and plays with the now, surprised by the footsteps he is doing in it. Walking he arrives to the lake where is Thumper playing.
Thumper Hiya Bambi! Watch what can I do! Whee! he�s skating using his feet Come on! It�s all right, look he thumps in the iced water The water is stiff. Bambi Yipee! Bambi tries to emulate him but his legs are of no use in it, so he falls down Thumper Some fun, huh, Bambi? Come on, get up. Like this. Bambi tries again but slips laughing No, no, no Thumper helps Bambi to get up his legs. It�s a difficult matter Kind of wobbly, aren�t ya? You gotta watch both ends at the same time. I guess you�d better unwind it they splash in the snow Wow!
Someone is snoring near and Thumper decides to investigate. It�s his friend flower.
Thumper Wake up! Wake up! Bambi Wake up Flower Flower Is it spring yet? Bambi Nope. Winter �s just started. Thumper What-cha doing? Hibernating? Flower Uh-huh Bambi What-cha want to do that for? Flower laughs All us flowers sleep in winter. Well, good night. Ah-h-h he continues sleeping
Storm of snow. The deer walk trying to find some food. Each day is more difficult to find it.
In the cave
Bambi sighs Winter sure is long, isn�t it? Bambi's Mother it seems long but it won�t last forever. Bambi I�m awful hungry mother. Bambi's Mother yes I know.
The storm has ceased and Bambi�s Mother has a surprise for her son. Bambi's Mother Bambi? Bambi, come here. Look. New spring grass Both start eating but suddenly Bambi�s Mother feels something in the air. Danger Bambi, quick, the thicket! Gunshots Faster, Bambi! Don�t look back! Keep running! ! Gunshots. Bambi keeps running but after a while, in the cave, he notices he�s alone. His mother hasn�t arrived yet Bambi We made it. We made it, Mother. We--- Mother? There's no answer Mother! Now it�s snowing Mother, where are you? he goes out looking for her Mother? Mother? Mother? Mother? Crying Mother? Gasps. Suddenly the old deer appears through the snowstorm Great Prince Your mother can�t be with you any more Bambi look at him sadly and understands the fact that his mother is dead Come, my son they both go away together
Off singing voice Fa la la rol de ay
twit twit awee
twit twit awee
Twit twit awee
Tra la la la
Tra la la
Ah ha ha ah
Let's sing a gay
Little spring song
This is the season to sing
So I'd like to suggest
That we all do our best
And warble a song about spring
Spring, spring, spring
Let's get together and sing
Fa la rol de ay
Twit twit awee
Tra la la
Let's sing a gay
Little spring song
Just like a bird on the wing
Things always seem light when
You're chipper and bright
So let's get together and sing
Sin, sing, sing
Let's sing a song of love's folly
Let's twitter a tweet like the birds in May
Get into the mood and be merry today
Forget all your troubles and warble away
Owl Hey, hey, what? Oh, what now?
Off singing voice Let's sing a gay
Little spring song
Owl Hey! hey! Stop that rocket! Scat! Shoo-o! Shoo-o!
Off singing voice So let's sing a song about spring
Tra la la, spring
Owl I'll fix 'em! -Who-o Who-o -Who-ooo! There I guess that'll teach 'em
Off singing voice Fa la la la rol de ay
Twit twit awee
Owl Oh, what's the use?
Off singing voice This is the season to sing, ah ha ha
Owl Same thing every spring. Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, love sweet song. Humph. Pain in the pinfeathers, I call it.
The tree in which is the old owl trying to sleep is now trembling because a young deer is edging his antlers. Owl Stop it! Get out of here all of you he can�t fix his sight and think there�re many deer and you too. Bambi Hello friend owl. Don�t you remember me? Owl Why, it�s the young Prince, Bambi! My, my how you�ve changed. Turn around there. Let me look at you. I see you�ve traded in your spots for a pair of antlers. Hee, hee, hee. You know just the other day I was talking to myself about you, and we were wondering what had become of you. Thumper Hello Bambi! Remember me? thumping Bambi Thumper! Thumper Right-o! ha, ha, ha Flower Hi fellas! Bambi Flower! Flower bashfully Yeah! A pair of birds are flying and playing around as a fools Flower Well, what�s the matter with them? Thumper Why are they acting that way? Owl Hee-hee! Why, don�t you know? They�re twitter-patted. Bambi, Thumper and Flower Twitter-patted? Owl yes. Nearly everybody gets twitter-patted in the springtime. For example, you�re walking along minding your own business; you�re looking neither to the left, nor to the right when all of a sudden you run smack into a pretty face Who-o! Who-o! You begin to get weak in the knees, your head�s in a whirl! And then you feel light as feather, and before you know it you�re walking on air, and then, you know what? You're knocked for a loop! And you completely lose your head! Thumper horrified Gosh that's awful. Flower Gee-whiz Bambi terrible Owl And that ain�t all. It can happen to anybody, so you�d better be careful. It could happen to you! to Bambi and you to Thumper and... looking to Flower who�s smiling, yes it could even happen to you. Thumper Well it�s not going to happen to me. Bambi Me neither Flower Me neither
They leave so sure of themselves. In their walking a female skunk sees Flower and she runs to hide herself in a bunch of flowers. When our friend Flower pass near he listens someone giggling, so he stops and looks around. From the bunch of flower two big blue beautiful eyes are looking right to him. At first he thinks he�s dreaming and decides to continue with his friends, but that pair of big blue eyes are saying hello. They kiss by accident but Flower is now... twitter-patted. Bambi looks back and sees how Flower is now following the female skunk. Flower looks at them and lifts his shoulders: he can�t help it. Flower Hee, hee, hee Thumper Huh! Twitter-patted!
Bambi and Thumper continue their walk. From the distance a beautiful female rabbit sees Thumper and she�s so impress by his sight. She starts flirting Rabbit Ah-h-h! Oh! A-hem Thumper stops immediately and sees the rabbit flirting. Rabbit humming La, la, la, la, la Oh she says hello with her ear and Thumper answer back. She continues humming la, la, la, la. Hello she kisses him and Thumper starts thumping without control. He�s twitter-patted also. Bambi sees the couple and continues alone la, la, la. Bambi goes to the river and there he sees a familiar face reflected: it�s Faline Faline Hello Bambi. Don�t you remember me? I�m Faline He�s afraid of her and tries to escape but he falls down into the river; he gets up but then his antlers are winded in a tree. Then Faline approaches and leaks him. In that moment Bambi�s face changed: he�s twitter-patted too. Bambi ah-h-h-h- he feels himself on air, but the dream is broken by the presence of another young deer, Ronno, who tries to obtain Faline�s love Faline Bambi! Bambi! Bambi! Bambi has to fight against Ronno; he must save Faline. The fight is hard but Bambi wins
Off singing voice I bring you a song
And I sing as I go
For I want you to know
That I'm looking for romance
I bring you a song
In the hope that you'll see
When you're looking at me
That I'm looking for love
I'm seeking that glow
Only found when
Only found on that wonderful day
When all longing is through
I'm seeking that glow
Only found when
The thrill is complete
Only found when
Two hearts chance to beat
To the strain of a waltz
That's both tender and new
I bring you a song
For I'm seeking romance
You're by my side
There's a moon up above
It shines with a light
That's so mellow and bright
It's easy to see that tonight
We shall fall in love
I bring you a song
For I'm seeking romance
Something wakes up Bambi who leaves Faline to see what's happening. Far away there's smoke. Great Prince It is man. He is here again. There are many this time. We must go deep into the forest. Hurry, follow me! Bambi is going to follow him but he remembers Faline's alone Bambi Faline! He returns to the place where he had been sleeping with Faline but bow she's gone
Meanwhile, Faline has just woken up and she doesn't find Bambi. She hear the birds' screeching and tries to find him Faline Bambi? Bambi, where are you? Now she's afraid Bambi! Bambi!
Bambi arrives late, Faline's gone. Bambi Faline? Faline! Faline! All the animals know that the danger has just come. Everyone tries to hide. Pheasant 1 horrified Listen! He's coming! Pheasant 2 Hush! Pheasant 3 Be quiet. Pheasant 1 He's coming closer! Pheasant 2 Be calm, don't get excited. Pheasant 1 We'd better fly Pheasant 2 No. No, don't fly. Whatever you do, don't fly! Pheasant 1 He's almost here, I can't stand it any longer! He flies and we can hear a gunshot. His body falls down. The other animals run away
Faline Bambi! Bambi! Bambi Faline! Suddenly it can be heard dogs barking. They are now after Faline. She runs away but soon she's trapped. Bambi appears in the very last moment to rescue her. Bambi Quick Faline! Jump! Faline does it and runs away. When Bambi is jumping a crag a gunshot is heard. Bambi falls down bounded. Now all the forest is on fire. Bambi can't move but the Great Prince appears and helps him to move. Both escape by the river. Great Prince Get up Bambi! Get up. You must get up! Get up! Get up! Now come with me.
They finally arrived to an island in the middle of the river. Most of the animals are they. Among them is Faline who is waiting for Bambi. Faline Bambi! They kiss
Time has past and something marvelous has just happened. Owl Who-o, who-o A family of rabbits starts thumping. It's Thumper's family. Thumper Wake up! Wake up friend owl! Bunnies Wake up, friend owl! Owl Oh, what now? Hey, what's going around here? Flower It's happened. Owl Happened? Flower Yes, in the thicket. to his son Hurry up Bambi. Bambi Yes Papa, I'm coming.
In the thicket there's a familiar scene: a deer with her fawns. It's Faline. Animal 1 Oh my. Animal 2 Well! Raccoon Look! Animal 3 Two of them. Owl Hee, hee, hee. I don't believe I've never seen a more likely looking pair of fawns to Faline. Prince Bambi ought to be mighty proud.
The camera shows Bambi and the Great Prince at the top of a crag.
Off singing voice Love is a song that never ends
One simple theme repeating
Like the voice of a heavenly choir
Love's sweet music flows on.Simba: Mary Poppins!
Bert:
All right, ladies and gents,
Comical poems suitable for the occasion, extemporized and thought up before your very eyes.
All right, here we go.
Room here for everyone gather around
The constable's "responstable." Now, how does that sound?
Hello, Miss Lark I got one for you.
Miss Lark likes to walk in the park with Andrew.
Hello, Andrew.
Ah, Mrs. Cory a story for you.
Your daughters were shorter than you, but they grew.
Dear Miss Persimmon--
Miss Persimmon:
Yes?
Bert:
Wind's in the east, mist comin' in.
Like something is brewin' about to begin
Can't put me finger on what lies in store
But I feel what's to happen, all happened before.
I'm sorry. Where was I? Thank you, one and all, for your kind support. Ah, Miss Lark, thank you.
Crikey. Bless you, guv. Generosity itself, that's what you are. No charge.
Oh, it's you! Hello. Number 17 Cherry Tree Lane, you say? All right. Come along with me. This
here's Cherry Tree Lane. Nice little spot, you might say. Number 17's just down a bit. Now, this
imposing edifice what first greets the eye, is the home of Admiral Boom, late of His Majesty's
Navy. Likes his house shipshape, he does, shipshape and Bristol fashion at all times.
Admiral Boom:
Time gun ready?
Mr Binnacle:
Ready and charged, sir.
Admiral Boom:
Three minutes and six seconds.
Mr Binnacle:
Aye, aye, sir.
Bert:
What he's famous for is punctuality. The whole world takes its time from Greenwich. But
Greenwich, they say, takes its time from Admiral Boom. What cheer, admiral?
Admiral Boom:
Good afternoon to you, young man. Where are you bound?
Bert:
Number 17. Got some parties here in tow what wants to see it.
Admiral Boom:
Enter that in the log.
Mr Binnacle:
Aye, aye, sir.
Admiral Boom:
A word of advice, young man: storm signals are up at number 17. Bit of heavy weather brewing
there.
Bert:
Thank you, sir. Keep an eye skinned. Here we are. Number 17 Cherry Tree Lane. Residence
of George Banks, Esquire. Hello, hello, hello. The admiral's right. Heavy weather brewin' at
number 17, and no mistake.
Mrs. Brill:
Leave her alone!
Ellen:
Shut up!
Mrs. Brill:
I'll show you. Don't you be trying to stop the wretched creature! Let her go, that's what I say, and
good riddance! I never liked her from the moment she set foot in the door.
Ellen:
But who gets stuck with the children with no nanny in the house? Me, that's who!
Mrs. Brill:
Her and her high and mighty ways! And that face of her that would stop a coal barge, it would.
Katie Nanna:
Indeed, Mrs. Brill! I wouldn't stay in this house another minute, not if you heap me with all the
jewels in Christendom.
Ellen:
No, no, Katie Nanna, don't go!
Katie Nanna:
Stand away from that door, my girl!
Ellen:
But what am I gonna tell the master about the children?
Katie Nanna:
It's no concern of mine. Those little beasts have run away from me for the last time.
Ellen:
They must be somewhere. Did you look around the zoo in the park? You know how Jane and
Michael is. Coo! You don't think the lion could've got at them, do ya? You know how fond they
was of hangin' around the cage.
Katie Nanna:
I said my say, and that's all I'll say. I've done with this house forever.
Mrs. Brill:
Well, hip, hip, hooray! And don't stumble on the way out, dearie.
Ellen:
Now, now, Katie Nanna!
Mrs. Banks! She's home!
Mrs. Banks:
Our daughter's daughters will adore us
And we'll sing in grateful chorus
"Well done, Sister Suffragette"
Good evening, Katie Nanna, Ellen. We had the most glorious meeting! Mrs. Whitbourne-Allen
chained herself to the wheel of the prime minister's carriage. You should've been there.
Katie Nanna:
Mrs. Banks, I would like a word with you.
Mrs. Banks:
And Mrs. Ainslie, she was carried off to prison, singing and scattering pamphlets all the way!
Katie Nanna:
I'm glad you're home, madam. I've always given the best that's in me.
Mrs. Banks:
On, thank you, Katie Nanna. I always knew you were one of us.
We're clearly soldiers in petticoats
And dauntless crusaders for women's votes
Though we adore men individually
We agree that as a group they're rather stupid
Katie nanna:
Mrs. Banks.
Mrs. Banks:
Cast off the shackles of yesterday
Shoulder to shoulder into the fray
Our daughter's daughters will adore us
And they'll sing in grateful chorus
"Well done, Sister Suffragette"
Katie Nanna:
Being that as it may, I do not wish to offend, but I--
Mrs. Banks:
From Kensington to Billingsgate
One hears the restless cries
From every corner of the land: womankind arise
Political equality and equal rights with men
Take heart for Mrs. Pankhurst has been clapped in irons again
No more the meek and mild subservients we
We're fighting for our rights, militantly - never you fear
Katie Nanna:
If I may have a word, Mrs. Banks.
Mrs. Banks:
So cast off the shackles of yesterday
Katie Nanna:
Mrs. Banks!
Mrs. Banks:
And shoulder to shoulder into the fray
Our daughter's daughters will adore us
And they'll sing in grateful chorus - "well done"
Katie Nanna:
Mrs. Banks.
Mrs. Banks:
"Well done"
Katie Nanna:
Mrs. Banks.
Mrs. Banks:
"Well done, Sister Suf--"
Katie Nanna:
Mrs. Banks!
Mrs. Banks:
What is it, Katie Nanna?
Katie Nanna:
Mrs. Banks, I have something to say to you.
Mrs. Banks:
Where are the children?
Katie Nanna:
The children, madam, to be precise, are not here. They've disappeared again.
Mrs. Banks:
Katie Nanna, this is really too careless of you. Doesn't it make the third time this week?
Katie Nanna:
The fourth, madam. And I for one have had my fill of it. I'm not one to speak ill of the children,
but--
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, please, when do you expect them home?
Katie Nanna:
I really couldn't say. And now if you'd be good enough to compute my wages, I'll--
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, gracious, Katie Nanna! You're not leaving? What will Mr. Banks say? He's going to be cross
enough as it is to come home and find the children missing. Ellen, put these things away. You
know how the cause infuriates Mr. Banks.
Ellen:
Yes, ma'am.
Mrs. Banks:
Katie Nanna, I beseech you. Please reconsider. Think of the children. Think of Mr. Banks. He
was just beginning to get used to you.
Admiral Boom:
Posts, everyone! Four, three, two, one. Fire!
Mrs. Banks:
Katie Nanna, I do beseech you--
Katie Nanna:
My wages, if you please.
Mr. Banks:
Bit early tonight, aren't you, admiral?
Admiral Boom:
Nonsense. Bang on the dot, as usual. How are things in the world of finance?
Mr. Banks:
Never better. Money's sound. Credit rates are moving up, up, up. And the British pound is the
admiration of the world.
Admiral Boom:
Good man.
Mr. Banks:
How do things look from where you stand?
Admiral Boom:
Bit chancy, I'd say. The wind's coming up and the glass is falling. - don't like the look of it.
Mr. Banks:
Good, good, good.
Admiral Boom:
Banks, shouldn't wonder if you weren't steering into a nasty piece of weather. Banks! Do you
hear me?
Mr. Banks:
Hello, Katie Nanna. That must be heavy. Allow me.
Katie Nanna:
Hmph!
Mr. Banks:
What a very pretty hat.
I feel a surge of deep satisfaction
Much as a king astride his noble steed - thank you.
When I return from daily strife, to hearth and wife
How pleasant is the life I lead
Mrs. Banks:
Dear, it's about the children.
Mr. Banks:
Yes, yes, yes.
I run my home precisely on schedule
At 6:01 I march through my door
My slippers, sherry and pipe are due at 6:02
Consistent is the life I lead
Mrs. Banks:
George, they're missing.
Mr. Banks:
Splendid. Splendid.
It's grand to be an Englishman in 1910
King Edward's on the throne it's the age of men
I'm the lord of my castle the sovereign, the liege
I treat my subjects, servants children, wife with a firm but gentle hand, noblesse oblige
It's 6:03 and the heirs to my dominion
Are scrubbed and tubbed and adequately fed
And so I'll pat them on the head and send them off to bed
Ah, lordly is the life I lead
Winifred, where are the children?
Mrs. Banks:
They're not here, dear.
Mr. Banks:
What? Well, of course they're here! Where else would they be?
Mrs. Banks:
I don't know, George
Mr. Banks:
You don't know?
Mrs. Banks:
Well, they're missing. Katie Nanna has looked everywhere.
Mr. Banks:
Very well. I'll deal with this at once.
Give me the police station, quickly, please.
Mrs. Banks:
I don't think we need bother the police, dear. The facts of the matter--
Mr. Banks:
Kindly do not attempt to cloud the issue with facts. One fact, and one fact alone is crystal clear!
Katie Nanna's faltered at her post. She's let the family down. And I shall bring her to boo-- oh.
She's left us, hasn't she?
Mrs. Banks:
Yes, dear, only just.
Mr. Banks:
What, uh-- yes. George Banks here. Yes. 17 Cherry Tree Lane. It's a matter of some urgency.
I should like you to send a policeman around immediately.
Mrs. Banks:
The policeman's here, George!
Mr. Banks:
What? Oh, how very prompt. What wonderful service. Thank you so much. Good night. Come
in, constable. Come in.
Constable:
Thank you, sir. While going about my duties on the other side of the park, I noted some
valuables that had gone astray. I believe they're yours, sir.
Mr. Banks:
Valuables?
Constable:
Come along, now. Come along.
Mrs. Banks:
Jane! Michael!
Mr. Banks:
Winifred, please don't be emotional.
Constable:
Oh, I wouldn't be too hard on 'em, sir. They've had a long, weary walk today.
Mr. Banks:
Children, come here at once. Well?
Jane:
I'm sorry we lost Katie Nanna, Father. You see, it was windy. And the kite was too strong for us.
Constable:
In a manner of speaking, sir, it was the kite that ran away, not the children.
Mr. Banks:
Thank you, Constable. I think I can manage this.
Jane:
Actually it wasn't a very good kite. We made it ourselves. Perhaps if you helped us to make
one--
Constable:
Ah, that's the ticket, sir. Kites are skittish things. Why, only last week with me own youngsters--
Mr. Banks:
I'm very grateful to you, Constable, for returning the children. And I'm sure that if you go to the
kitchen, Cook'll find you a plate of something.
Constable:
Thank you, sir. I shall now return to my duties.
Jane:
Thank you, Constable.
Constable:
Good night, miss. Good night, ma'am. Good night, sir. Cook'll find me something. I never--
Mrs. Banks:
I'm awfully sorry about this, George. I'll expect you'll want to discuss it.
Mr. Banks:
I would indeed! Ellen, take Jane and Michael upstairs straightaway.
Ellen:
Yes, sir. I knew it. When all's said and done, who bears the brunt of everything around here?
Me, that's who! They don't want an honest, hard-workin' girl around here. They need a ruddy
zookeeper.
Mrs. Banks:
I'm sorry, dear, but when I chose Katie Nanna, I thought she would be firm with the children. She
looked so solemn and cross.
Mr. Banks:
Winifred, never confuse efficiency with a liver complaint.
Mrs. Banks:
I'll try to do better next time.
Mr. Banks:
Next time? My dear, you've engaged six nannies in the last four months! And they've all been
unqualified disasters.
Mrs. Banks:
I quite agree.
Mr. Banks:
Choosing a nanny for the children is an important and delicate task. It requires insight, balanced
judgment, and an ability to read character. Under the circumstances, I think it might be apropos
to take it upon myself to, uh, select the next person.
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, would you, George?
Mr. Banks:
Obviously the way to find a proper nanny, is to go about it in a proper fashion. I shall put an
advertisement in The Times. Take this down please.
Mrs. Banks:
Yes, of course, dear.
Mr. Banks:
Wanted. Uh, no. Uh, required. Nanny: firm, respectable, no nonsense.
A British nanny must be a general
The future empire lies within her hands
And so the person that we need
To mold the breed
Is a nanny who can give commands
You getting this, Winifred?
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, yes, dear. Every word.
A British bank is run with precision
A British home requires nothing less
Tradition, discipline and rules must be the tools
Without them, disorder, catastrophe, anarchy
In short you have a ghastly mess
Mrs. Banks:
Splendid, George! Inspirational. The Times will be so pleased.
Jane:
Father?
Mr. Banks:
Yes?
Jane:
We've discussed everything, and we're very sorry about what we did today.
Mr. Banks:
I should certainly think so.
Jane:
It was wrong to run away from Katie Nanna.
Mr. Banks:
It was indeed.
Jane:
And we do so want to get on with the new nanny.
Mr. Banks:
Very sensible. I shall be glad to have your help in the matter.
Jane:
We thought you would. That's why we wrote this advertisement.
Mr. Banks:
Advertisement for what?
Jane:
For the new nanny.
Mr. Banks:
You wrote an advert--
Mrs. Banks:
George, I think we should listen.
Jane:
You said you wanted our help.
Mr. Banks:
But, I-- oh, very well.
Jane:
"Wanted: a nanny for two adorable children."
Mr. Banks:
"Adorable." well, that's debatable, I must say.
Jane:
If you want this choice position
Have a cheery disposition
Mr. Banks:
Jane, I don't--
Jane:
Rosy cheeks, no warts
Michael:
That's the part I put in.
Jane:
Play games, all sorts
You must be kind you must be witty
Very sweet and fairly pretty
Mr. Banks:
Well, of all the ridic-
Mrs. Banks:
George, please!
Jane:
Take us on outings give us treats
Sing songs bring sweets
Never be cross or cruel never give us castor oil or gruel
Love us as a son and daughter
And never smell of barley water
Michael:
I put that in, too.
Jane:
If you won't scold and dominate us
We will never you give you cause to hate us
We won't hide your spectacles so you can't see
Put toads in your bed or pepper in your tea
Hurry, nanny
Many thanks
Sincerely
Jane & Michael:
Jane and Michael Banks
Mr. Banks:
Thank you. Most interesting. And now I think we've had quite enough of this nonsense. Please
return to the nursery.
Mrs. Banks:
They were only trying to help. They're just children.
Mr. Banks:
I'm well aware they're just children, Winifred. I only congratulate myself that I decided to step in
and take a hand. "Play games, sing songs, give treats." Ridiculous. There's no question in my
mind whatsoever. Now is the time for action.
Give me The Times, please. No, I do not know the number.
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, George, you're always so forceful.
Mrs. Banks:
The Times? George Banks here. 17 Cherry Tree Lane. I wish to place an advertisement in your
column.
Admiral Boom:
Time gun ready?
Mr. Binnacle:
Ready and charged, sir.
Admiral Boom:
I'll take the report, Mr. Binnacle.
Mr. Binnacle:
The wind has changed, Sir. Seems to be comin' in from a new quarter.
Admiral Boom:
So it is.
Mr. Binnacle:
Sir?
Admiral Boom:
What is it?
Mr. Binnacle:
Bit of somethin' or other taking place off the port bow.
Admiral Boom:
Ghastly looking crew, I must say!
Ellen:
Coo! There's a fair queue of nannies outside, sir. Shall I show 'em in?
Mr. Banks:
Ellen, I said 8:00, and 8:00 it shall jolly well be. You see? Twelve seconds to go. Ten, nine,
eight---
Mrs. Banks:
Posts! Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one!
Mr. Banks:
Ellen, it is now 8:00.
Ellen:
Yes, sir.
Mr. Banks:
But I have told you time and time again, Ellen, I dislike being hurried into things.
Jane:
I don't understand. They're not what we advertised for at all.
Michael, look!
Michael:
Perhaps it's a witch.
Jane:
Of course not. Witches have brooms.
It's her. It's the person. She's answered our advertisement.
Michael:
Rosy cheeks and everything.
Mr. Banks:
Ellen, you may now show them in, one at a time.
Ellen:
Yes, sir. You may come in one at a time.
Mary Poppins:
Thank you.
Ellen:
Oh.
Mary Poppins:
You are the father of Jane and Michael Banks, are you not? I said, you are the father of Jane
and Michael Banks.
Mr. Banks:
Well, well ye-- yes, of course, I mean. Uh-- you brought your references, I presume. May I see
them?
Mary Poppins:
Oh, I make it a point never to give references. A very old-fashioned idea to my mind.
Mr. Banks:
Is that so? We'll have to see about that then, won't we?
Mary Poppins:
Now then, the qualifications. "Item one: a cheery disposition." I am never cross. "Item two: rosy
cheeks." Obviously. "Item three: play games, all sorts." Well, I'm sure the children will find my
games extremely diverting.
Mr. Banks:
May I? Eh, this paper? Where did you get it from? I thought I tore it up.
Mary Poppins:
Excuse me. "Item four: you must be kind." I am kind, but extremely firm. Have you lost
something?
Mr. Banks:
Ah! Yeah. That paper, you see. I thought that I--
Mary Poppins:
You are George Banks, are you not?
Mr. Banks:
What?
Mary Poppins:
And you did advertise for a nanny, did you not?
Mr. Banks:
George Banks.
Mary Poppins:
Very well then.
Mr. Banks:
I tore it up, turned it over. Tore it up again and threw it in there. Yes.
Mary Poppins:
I beg your pardon. Are you ill?
Mr. Banks:
I hope not.
Mary Poppins:
Now, about my wages. The reference here is very obscure.
Mr. Banks:
Very obscure.
Mary Poppins:
We must be very clear on that point, mustn't we?
Mr. Banks:
Yes, we must indeed.
Mary Poppins:
I shall require every second Tuesday off.
Mr. Banks:
Every Tuesday.
Mary Poppins:
On second thoughts, I believe a trial period would be wise. Hmm. I'll give you one week. I'll know
by then. I'll see the children now. Thank you.
Close your mouth please, Michael. We are not a codfish. Well, don't stand there staring. Best
foot forward. Spit spot!
Mrs. Banks:
George? Aah! George, what on earth are you doing? I thought you were interviewing nannies.
Mr. Banks:
I was! I was!
Mrs. Banks:
You mean you've selected one already?
Mr. Banks:
Yes, it's done. It's, it's all done.
Mrs. Banks:
Well, where is she?
Mr. Banks:
What? Well, eh, she's in the nursery of course, I mean. I put her to work straightaway, I mean.
Mrs. Banks:
How clever of you! I would have muddled the whole thing. Tell me, is she everything that we'd
hoped she be?
Mr. Banks:
Well, I - it all happened rather quickly. I mean, I-- I, uh--
Mrs. Banks:
Will she be firm? Will she give commands? Will she mold our young breed?
Mr. Banks:
You know, Winifred, I think she will. I think she will.
Mrs. Banks:
In that case, perhaps you'd better tell Ellen to dismiss the others.
Mr. Banks:
The others? Oh, yes. Ellen?
Ellen:
Y-yes, sir?
Mr. Banks:
Tell the other applicants they may go. The position has been filled.
Ellen:
The others, sir?
Mr. Banks:
Yes, the others. How many n-nannies does she think we need in this house?
Ellen:
The position has been filled.
Jane:
I'm afraid the nursery isn't very tidy.
Mary Poppins:
It is rather like a bear pit, isn't it?
Michael:
That's a funny sort of bag.
Mary Poppins:
Carpet.
Michael:
You mean to carry carpets in?
Mary Poppins:
No. Made of.
Jane:
This is your room, and there's a lovely view of the park.
Mary Poppins:
Hmm. Well, it's not exactly Buckingham Palace. Still, it's clean. Yes, I think it will be quite
suitable. Just needs a touch here and there. Well, first things first. I always say, the place to
hang a hat is on a hat stand. Ah! This will never do! I much prefer seeing all of my face at the
same time.
Michael:
There-- but there was nothing in it.
Mary Poppins:
Never judge things by their appearance. Even carpetbags. I'm sure I never do. A thing of beauty
is a joy forever. Mmm, a little more light, perhaps.
Michael:
We better keep an eye on this one. She's tricky.
Jane:
She's wonderful.
Mary Poppins:
Much better! Now, let me see. That's funny. I always carry it with me. It must be here
somewhere.
Michael:
What?
Mary Poppins:
My tape measure.
Michael:
What do you want it for?
Mary Poppins:
I want to see how you two measure up. Well, that's the funniest thing I ever saw. I know it's
down here somewhere. Ah, ha-ha, ha-ha! Here it is. Good. Come along, then. Quickly. Head up,
Michael. Don't slouch. Just as I thought. Extremely stubborn and suspicious.
Michael:
I am not!
Mary Poppins:
See for yourself.
Michael:
"Extremely stubborn and sus--"
Mary Poppins:
Suspicious.
Now you, Jane. Mmm. "Rather inclined to giggle. Doesn't put things away."
Michael:
How 'bout you?
Mary Poppins:
Very well. Hold this for me. As I expected. "Mary Poppins. Practically perfect in every way."
Jane:
Mary Poppins! Is that your name? It's lovely.
Mary Poppins:
Thank you. I've always liked it. Now, shall we get on with it?
Jane:
Get on with what?
Mary Poppins:
In your advertisement, did you not specifically request to play games?
Jane:
Oh, yes!
Mary Poppins:
Very well, then. Our first game is called "well begun is half done."
Michael:
I don't like the sound of that.
Mary Poppins:
Otherwise entitled, "let's tidy up the nursery."
Michael:
I told you she was tricky.
Mary Poppins:
Shall we begin?
Jane:
It is a game, isn't it, Mary Poppins?
Mary Poppins:
Well, it depends on your point of view. You see,
In every job that must be done,
There is an element of fun.
You find the fun, and snap!
The job's a game.
And every task you undertake
Becomes a piece of cake
A lark, a spree it's very clear to see
That a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down
Medicine go down
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
In a most delightful way
A robin feathering his nest
Has very little time to rest
While gathering his bits of twine and twig
Though quite intent in his pursuit,
He has a merry tune to toot
He knows a song will move the job along
For a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down
Medicine go down
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
In a most delightful way
The honeybees that fetch the nectar from the flowers to the comb
Never tire of ever buzzing to and fro
Because they take a little nip from every flower that they sip
And hence
Reflection:
And hence
Mary Poppins:
They find
Reflection:
They find
Mary Poppins & Reflection:
Their task is not a grind
Mary Poppins:
Cheeky.
Don't be all day about it, please.
Michael:
Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!
Mary Poppins:
Well, that was very--
Thank you now-- when you've quite finished!
Thank you. That will be quite sufficient. Hats and coats, please. It's time for our outing in the
park.
Michael:
I don't want an outing. I want to tidy up the nursery again.
Mary Poppins:
Enough is as good as a feast. Come along, please. Let me look at you. Well, you're not as well
turned out as I'd like. Still, there's time. There's time. Spit spot! And off we go.
Jane & Michael:
For a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down
Medicine go down
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine
Go down in the most delightful way
Bert:
Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheroo
I does what I likes and I likes what I do
Hello, art lovers.
Today I'm a screever and as you can see
A screever's an artist of highest degree
And it's all me own work
From me own memory
Well, not Royal Academy, I suppose. Still they're better than a finger in your eye, ain't they?
Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheroo
I draws what I likes and I likes what I drew
No remuneration do I ask of you
But me cap would be glad of a copper or two
Me cap would be glad of a copper or two
Wait! Don't move. Don't move a muscle. Stay right where you are. I'd know that silhouette
anywhere! Mary Poppins!
Mary Poppins:
It's nice to see you again, Bert. I expect you know Jane and Michael.
Bert:
Well, I've seen 'em here and about. Chasin' a kite last time, weren't it?
Jane:
Mary Poppins is taking us to the park.
Bert:
To the park? Not if I know Mary Poppins. Other nannies take children to the park. When you're
with Mary Poppins, suddenly you're in places you've never dreamed of. And quick as you can
say "Bob's your uncle," the most unusual things begin to happen.
Mary Poppins:
I'm sure I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about.
Bert:
Well mind, it's not my place to say, but what she's probably got in mind, is a jolly holiday
somewheres or other. Something along these lines, I shouldn't be surprised. "Punting on the
Thames." That's always good if you like an outing. Here we go.
The circus. How about a lovely circus? Lions and tigers. World-famous artistes performing
death-defyin' feats, of dexterity and skill before your very eyes. Ta-da! Ta-da!
Jane:
Oh, that's lovely. If you please, I'd much rather go there.
Bert:
Beautiful, ain't it? A typical English countryside, as done by a true and lovin' hand. Though you
can't see it, there's a little country fair down that road and uh, over the hill.
Michael:
I don't see any road.
Bert:
What? No road? Just wants a bit of somethin' here, and a bit of somethin' there. There. A
country road suitable for travel and high adventure.
Jane:
Please may we go, Mary Poppins? Please? Such a lovely place. Don't you think it's lovely, Mary
Poppins?
Bert:
Now's the time, Mary Poppins. No one's lookin'.
Jane & Michael:
Please, Mary Poppins. Please! Please, Mary Poppins. Please!
Mary Poppins:
I have no intention of making a spectacle of myself, thank you.
Bert:
All right, I'll do it myself.
Mary Poppins:
Do what?
Bert:
Bit of magic.
Michael:
A bit of magic?
Bert:
It's easy. Let's see. You think. You wink. You do a double blink. You close your eyes and jump.
Jane:
Is something 'sposed to happen?
Mary Poppins:
Bert, what utter nonsense! Ohh! Why do you always complicate things that are really quite
simple? Give my your hand, please, Michael. Don't slouch. One, two.
Bert:
Mary Poppins, you look beautiful.
Mary Poppins:
Do you really think so?
Bert:
Cross my heart you do. Like the day I met ya.
Mary Poppins:
You look fine, too, Bert.
Michael:
I thought you said there was a fair.
Bert:
So I did. Down the road behind the hill, remember?
Jane:
Come on! I hear the merry-go-round.
Bert:
Tell 'em Bert sent ya.
Mary Poppins:
Don't fall and smudge the drawing.
Bert:
Ain't it a glorious day
Right as a mornin' in May
I feel like I could fly
Mary Poppins:
Now, Bert. None of your larking about.
Bert:
Have you ever seen
The grass so green
Or a bluer sky
Oh, it's a jolly holiday with Mary
Mary makes your heart so light
Mary Poppins:
You haven't changed a bit, have you?
Bert:
When the day is gray and ordinary
Mary makes the sun shine bright
Mary Poppins:
Oh, honestly!
Bert:
Oh, happiness is bloomin' all around her
The daffodils are smilin' at the dove
When Mary holds your hand you feel so grand
Your heart starts beatin' like a big brass band
Mary Poppins:
You are lightheaded.
Bert:
It's a jolly holiday with Mary
No wonder that it's Mary that we love
Animals:
Oh, it's a jolly holiday with Mary
Mary makes your heart so light
When the day is gray and ordinary
Mary makes the sun shine bright
Oh, happiness is bloomin' all around her
The daffodils are smiling at the dove oink, oink.
When Mary holds your hand
You feel so grand
Your heart starts beatin' like a big brass band
It's a jolly holiday with Mary
No wonder that it's Mary that we love
Mary Poppins:
Thank you.
Turtles:
Our pleasure, Mary Poppins.
Mary Poppins:
Oh, it's a jolly holiday with you, Bert
Gentlemen like you are few
Bert:
A vanishing breed, that's me.
Mary Poppins:
Though you're just a diamond in the rough, Bert
Underneath your blood is blue
Bert:
Common knowledge.
Mary Poppins:
You'd never think of pressing your advantage
Forbearance is the hallmark of your creed
Bert:
True.
Mary Poppins:
A lady needn't fear
When you are near
Your sweet gentility is crystal clear
Oh, it's a jolly holiday with you, Bert
A jolly, jolly holiday with you
Bert:
Waiter! Waiter!
Mary Poppins:
Now then, what'd be nice?
We'll start with raspberry ice
and then some cakes and tea
Waiter
Order what you will
There'll be no bill
It's complimentary
Mary Poppins:
You're very kind.
Waiter:
Anything for you, Mary Poppins. You're our favorite person.
Bert:
Right you are.
It's true that Mavis and Sybil have ways that are winnin'
And Prudence and Gwendolyn set your hearts spinnin'
Phoebe's delightful
Maude is disarming
Waiters:
Janice Felicia Lydia
Bert:
.. charming
Cynthia's dashing,
Vivian's sweet,
Stephanie's smashing
Priscilla a treat
Waiters:
Veronica Millicent Agnes and Jane
Bert:
convivial company time and again
Dorcas and Phyllis and Glynis are sorts
I'll agree they're three jolly good sports
But cream of the crop
Tip of the top
Bert & Waiters:
Is Mary Poppins
And there we stop
When Mary holds your hand
You feel so grand
Your heart starts beatin' like a big brass band
It's a jolly holiday with Mary
No wonder that it's Mary that we love
No wonder that it's Mary that we love
No wonder that it's Mary that we love
Michael:
Ya-hoo! Ya-hoo! Ya-hoo! Ya-hoo! -ya-hoo!
Jane:
Our own private merry-go-round.
Bert
Very nice. Very nice, indeed, if you don't wanna go nowhere.
Mary Poppins:
Who says we're not going anywhere? Oh, guard!
Guard:
Righto, Mary Poppins.
Mary Poppins:
Thank you.
Guard:
They're off! It's Mary Poppins leadin' by two lengths. Jane is second by a length. Michael third.
Michael:
My horse is the fastest.
Bert:
Do you hear that, mate? Do you wanna put up with that? That's the ticket! Come on, my lad. Is
that the best you can do?
Michael:
Hurry up, boy. Hurry up!
Mary Poppins:
Not so fast, please. Michael! Now really, Bert. You're as bad as the children.
Bert:
Sorry. Whoa, boy! Whoa! Whoa. Easy, boy. Whoa. Whoa. Just a bit of high spirits, Mary
Poppins.
Mary Poppins:
Please control yourself. We are not on a racecourse.
Follow me, please.
Good morning.
Hunter:
Oh, yes, quite. Wha-- I say! Have you ever?
Horse:
Never!
Hunter:
View halloo!
Horse:
Oh, yes, definitely. A view halloo.
Fox:
View halloo?
Faith and begorra! 'Tis them redcoats again!
Dogs:
View halloo! View halloo! View halloo!
Fox:
Oh, musha, musha.
Bert:
Poor lit'l bloke. Let's give him a hand.
Fox:
Saints preserve us! Yikes!
Tally ho!
Bert:
Da-doo, da-doo! Up you go. Now hang on.
Fox:
Would you look at that now? 'Tis an elegant merry-go-round horse. Come on and fight, you dirty
omadhauns. I can lick the lot of ya's. Faster, me beauty! Faster!
Mary Poppins:
Oh, riders, would you be so kind as to let me pass?
Horse Rider:
Certainly, ma'am.
Mary Poppins:
Thank you.
Horse Rider:
Not at all, ma'am.
Spectator 1:
Excellent time, gentlemen.
Spectator 2:
Oh, yes, quite. - perfect day for it, of course.
Mary Poppins:
Oh. Oh, how nice.
Crowd:
Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
Photographer:
Hold still, now. Watch for the dickie bird.
Reporter 1:
Uh, how does it feel, Mary Poppins, winning the race?
Mary Poppins:
Oh, well I--
Reporter 2:
- gaining fame and fortune.
Mary Poppins:
Uh, yes.
Reporter 3:
Having your picture taken for the newspaper.
Mary Poppins:
Uh, oh, actually, I'm delighted.
Reporter 4:
Besides having your extreme good looks, if I may say so.
Mary Poppins:
Oh, well, I wouldn't go--
Reporter 3:
There probably aren't words to describe your emotions.
Mary Poppins:
Now, now, now, now, gentlemen, please. On the contrary, there's a very good word. Am I right,
Bert?
Bert:
Tell 'em what it is.
Mary Poppins:
Right! It's ...
Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious
Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious
If you say it loud enough you'll always sound precocious
Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious
Group:
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Bert:
Because I was afraid to speak when I was just a lad
Me father gave me nose a tweak and told me I was bad
But then one day I learned a word that saved me achin' nose
Bert & Mary Poppins:
The biggest word you ever heard and this is how it goes
Oh, supercalifragilistic- expialidocious
Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious
If you say it loud enough you'll always sound precocious
Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Group:
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Mary Poppins:
He's traveled all around the world and everywhere he went
He'd use his word and all would say, "there goes a clever gent"
Bert:
When dukes and maharajahs pass the time of day with me
I'd say me special word and then they'd ask me out to tea
Bert & Mary Poppins:
Ooh, supercalifragilistic- expialidocious
Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious
If you say it loud enough you'll always sound precocious
Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Mary Poppins:
You know, you can say it backwards,
Which is, Dociousaliexpiistic- fragilcalirupus.
But that's going a bit too far, don't you think?
Bert:
Indubitably.
Mary Poppins:
So when the cat has got your tongue there's no need for dismay
Bert:
Hear, hear!
Mary Poppins:
Just summon up this word and then you've got a lot to say
But better use it carefully or it could change your life
Drummer:
For example.
Mary Poppins:
Yes?
Drummer:
One night I said it to me girl, and now me girl's me wife.
Ow! And a lovely thing she is, too.
Group:
She's supercalifragilistic- expialidocious
Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious
Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious
Supercalifragilistic-expialidocious
Mary Poppins:
Jane! Michael! Stay close now. Oh, Bert, all your fine drawings.
Bert:
Well, there's more where they came from. Meantime, I'm changing businesses. This here is
lovely hot chestnut weather.
Mary Poppins:
Come along, children. Bye, Bert.
Bert:
Bye-bye.
Jane:
Bye, Bert.
Bert:
Bye. Bye, Jane and Michael.
Michael:
Bye, Bert.
Bert:
Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheroo
La dum da da dum da da da da dum
Michael:
No, no, I won't take your nasty medicine!
Jane:
Do we have to, Mary Poppins?
Mary Poppins:
People who get their feet wet, must learn to take their medicine.
Michael:
I don't want it. I'm not gonna--
Jane:
Oh! Lime cordial! Delicious!
Michael:
Strawberry! Mmm!
Mary Poppins:
R-r-rum punch. Quite satisfactory.
Jane:
Mary Poppins, you won't ever leave us, will you?
Mary Poppins:
Do you have a handkerchief under your pillow? Mm-hmm.
Michael:
Will you stay if we promise to be good?
Mary Poppins:
Och! That's a piecrust promise. Easily made, easily broken.
Jane:
Whatever would we do without you?
Mary Poppins:
I shall stay until the wind changes.
Michael:
But, Mary Poppins, how long will that be?
Mary Poppins:
Silence, please. It's time to go to sleep.
Jane:
Oh, we couldn't possibly go to sleep! So many lovely things have happened today.
Mary Poppins:
Did they?
Jane:
Yes! When we jumped into Bert's chalk picture.
Michael:
And we rode the merry-go-round, and all the horses jumped off, and--
Jane:
And we all went riding in the countryside!
Jane & Michael:
Tally ho! Tchunga! Tchunga! Yikes!
Mary Poppins:
Really?
Jane:
Mary Poppins, don't you remember? You won the horse race!
Mary Poppins:
A respectable person like me in a horse race? How dare you suggest such a thing.
Michael:
But I saw you do it!
Mary Poppins:
Now, not another word or I shall have to summon the policeman. Is that clear?
Michael:
It did happen! I saw it!
Mary Poppins:
Go to sleep.
Michael:
No, I don't want to go to sleep.
Jane:
Mary Poppins, we're much too excited!
Mary Poppins:
Very well, suit yourselves.
Stay awake don't rest your head
Don't lie down upon your bed
While the moon drifts in the skies
Stay awake don't close your eyes
Though the world is fast asleep
Though your pillow's soft and deep
You're not sleepy as you seem
Stay awake don't nod and dream
Stay awake don't nod and dream
Admiral Boom:
Glorious day, Mr. Binnacle. Glorious! No one sleeps this morning. Put in a double charge of
powder.
Mr. Binnacle:
A double charge? Aye, aye, sir.
Admiral Boom:
Shake things up a bit, what?
Mrs. Banks:
Lovely, lovely morning, Ellen.
Ellen:
Indeed it is, ma'am.
Mrs. Banks:
Have you put the spoiled eggs in my carryall?
Ellen:
Yes, ma'am.
Mrs. Banks:
After our meeting at the Albert Hall, we're all going to Downing street, to throw things at the
prime minister. Oh, how distinguished you look this morning, George.
Mr. Banks:
What's all that fearful caterwauling in the kitchen?
Mrs. Banks:
It's cook singing.
Mr. Banks:
Cook singing? What's wrong with her?
Mrs. Banks:
She's happy as a cricket. As a matter of fact, since you hired Mary Poppins, the most
extraordinary thing seems to have come over the household.
Mr. Banks:
Is that so?
Mrs. Banks:
Take Ellen for instance. She hasn't broken a dish all morning.
Mr. Banks:
Really? Well, that is extraordinary.
Mrs. Banks:
And another thing. She and Cook usually fight like cats and dogs, but today--
Mrs. Brill:
Let me hold the door for you, Ellen dear.
Ellen:
Thanks ever so, ducks.
Mr. Banks:
Ellen, stop making that offensive noise! And shut the window! That bird's giving me a headache.
Ellen:
Yes, sir. Quiet! You're giving the master a headache.
Mrs. Banks:
I'm so sorry you're not feeling well this morning, George.
Mr. Banks:
Who said I'm not feeling well? I'm fit as a fiddle. I just don't understand why everyone's so
confoundedly cheerful!
Jane & Michael:
Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious
Supercalifragilistic-expialidocious
Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious
Mrs. Banks:
How lovely. Thank you, my darling.
Jane & Michael:
Supercalifragilistic-expialidocious
Jane, Michael, Ellen & Mrs. Brill:
Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious
Mr. Banks:
Stop! Stop! Stop!
Jane:
Good morning, Father.
Mr. Banks:
Good morning.
Jane:
Mary Poppins taught us the most wonderful words.
Michael:
Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious
Mr. Banks:
What on earth are you talking about? Supercali-- super-- or whatever the infernal thing is.
Jane:
It's something to say when you don't know what to say.
Mr. Banks:
Yes, well, I always know what to say. Go on, hurry along, please.
Jane:
Yes, father.
Jane & Michael:
Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious
Mr. Banks:
Winifred, will you be good enough to explain this unseemly hullabaloo?
Mrs. Banks:
I don't think there's anything to explain, do you? It's obvious that you're out of sorts this morning.
The children just came in to make you feel better.
Mr. Banks:
I should like to make one thing quite clear, once and for all. I am not out of sorts. I am in a
perfectly equable mood. I don't require being made to feel better!
Mrs. Banks:
But you're always saying that you wanted a cheerful and pleasant household.
Mr. Banks:
Winifred, I should like to make a slight differentiation between the word cheerful and just plain
giddy irresponsibility.
Mrs. Banks:
Excuse me, dear. Posts, everyone, please!
Mr. Banks:
I have no objection to anyone being cheerful or pleasant. But I do expect a certain decorum. I
can tell you one thing, Winifred. I don't propose standing idly by and letting that woman, Mary
Poppins, undermine the discipline and-- there's something odd, I may say extremely odd about
the behavior of this household since that woman arrived. And I want you to know that I've
noticed it!
Mrs. Banks:
Yes, dear.
Mr. Banks:
One thing more.
Mrs. Banks:
Yes, dear?
Mr. Banks:
I suggest you have this piano repaired. When I sit down to an instrument, I like to have it in tune.
Mrs. Banks:
But, George, you don't play.
Mr. Banks:
Madam, that is entirely beside the point!
Mary Poppins:
Now, let me see. First of all, we must go to the piano tuners. And then we go to Mrs. Cory's sh--
Mrs. Cory's shop for some gingerbread.
Jane:
Ah, gingerbread!
Mary Poppins:
And then we go to the fishmonger's, I think, for a nice dover sole and a pint of prawns. Uh,
Michael, stop stravaging along behind.
Admiral Boom:
Ahoy, there! Ahoy! Good day to you!
Mary Poppins:
Good morning, Admiral.
Admiral Boom:
Michael, what fine adventure are we off upon today? Going to fight the Hottentots? Dig for buried
treasure?
Michael:
We're going to buy some fish.
Admiral Boom:
Very good! Proceed at flank speed.
Michael:
Aye, aye, sir.
Admiral Boom:
Let's put our backs into it, lad. More spit and polish. That's what's wanted around here.
Jane:
It's Andrew!
Mary Poppins:
Uh, not so fast, please. I can't understand a word you're saying. Again? Och! Oh, the poor man!
Bless you. Well, yes, of course. There's not a moment to lose. I'll go straightaway. And thank
you very much.
Jane:
What did he say?
Mary Poppins:
He said, "you're welcome."
Jane:
What else did he say?
Michael:
I don't think he said anything.
Mary Poppins:
You know best, as usual.
Jane:
I thought we were gonna buy some fish.
Mary Poppins:
There's been a change of plans. Come along, please. Don't straggle.
Andrew, worrying won't help anyone. Why don't you go home and put your feet up?
Oh, Bert, I'm glad you're here.
Bert:
I came over the moment I heard.
Mary Poppins:
Well, how is he?
Bert:
I've never seen him as bad as this, and that's the truth.
Mary Poppins:
Oh!
Bert:
How about them? It's contagious, you know.
Jane:
Shall we get spots?
Mary Poppins:
Oh, highly unlikely.
Oh, uncle Albert!
Uncle Albert:
Oh, bless me. Bless my soul. It's Mary Poppins! I'm delight-- -I'm delighted to see you, Mary.
Mary Poppins:
Uncle Albert, you promised!
Uncle Albert:
Oh, I kn-- I know, I-- but I tried. Really, I did, my dear. I-- but I so enjoy laughing, you know? And,
well-- and when I start, it's all up with the-- that's what happens to me. I love to laugh! Oh, my
goodness! I can't help it. You can see that. I just like laughing, that's all.
Mary Poppins:
Jane, don't you dare! You'll only make him worse. It's really quite serious!
Bert:
Yes, whatever you do, keep a straight face. Last time, it took us three days to get him down.
Uncle Albert:
I love to laugh
Loud and long and clear
I love to laugh
It's getting worse every year
The more I laugh
The more I fill with glee
Mary Poppins:
You're no help at all.
Uncle Albert:
The more the glee
The more I'm a merrier me
It's embarrassing.
The more I'm a merrier me
Mary Poppins:
Some people laugh through their noses
Sounding something like this -- dreadful!
Some people laugh through their teeth, goodness sakes
Hissing and fizzing like snakes
Not at all attractive to my way of thinking.
Bert:
Some laugh too fast
Some only blast
Others, they twitter like birds
Mary Poppins:
You know, you're as bad as he is.
Bert:
Then there's that kind what can't make up their mind
Uncle Albert:
When things strike me as funny I can't hide it inside
And squeak as the squeakelers do
I've got to let go with a ho ho ho ho
And laugh too
How nice! I was hoping you'd turn up.
Bert:
Turn up!
Uncle Albert:
We always have such a jolly time.
Uncle Albert & Bert:
We love to laugh
Loud and long and clear
We love to laugh
So everybody can hear
The more you laugh
Mary Poppins:
Whoops, don't you two start. Come back down here.
Uncle Albert & Bert:
The more you fill with glee
The more the glee
The more we're a merrier we
Uncle Albert:
Oh, welcome, children! Welcome! Make yourselves comfortable.
Bert:
That's right. Pull up a chair.
Uncle Albert:
Oh, pull up--
Mary Poppins:
I must say, you're a sight, the lot of you!
Bert:
Speaking of sight, it reminds me of me brother. He's got a nice cushy job in a watch factory.
Uncle Albert:
In a watch factory? What does he do?
Bert:
He stands about all day and makes faces!
Uncle Albert:
He makes faces in a watch fact-- you made that up.
Bert:
I know.
Uncle Albert:
That's so good!
Mary Poppins:
Such behaviour! Well, it's the most disgraceful sight I've ever seen, or my name isn't Mary
Poppins.
Bert:
Speaking of names, I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
Uncle Albert:
What's the name of his other leg? Wasn't that funny? What's the name of his other--
Mary Poppins:
Now, then, children, it's time for tea. I will not have my schedule interrupted.
Uncle Albert:
Oh, please stay. Look, I have a splendid tea all ready for you.
Mary Poppins:
And it's getting cold!
Uncle Albert:
Well, I had hoped that maybe, that you would just, that-- splendid! Thank you very much! Keep
your feet back. Mind the bread and butter. Now, watch it, children.
Bert:
I knew she could bring it off. And a proper tea it is, too.
Mary Poppins:
Next thing, I suppose, you'll be wanting me to pour out. Oh, well. If I must, I must. If you'll just
stop behaving like a pack of laughing hyenas! Two lumps, uncle Albert?
Uncle Albert:
Yes, please.
Mary Poppins:
Uh, Bert?
Bert:
Uh, no, no, thank you. No sugar for me.
Jane:
I'm so glad you came. It wouldn't be any fun without you.
Mary Poppins:
Here, and you may pour some milk for Michael and yourself.
Bert:
Nice weather we're having this time of year, don't you think?
Uncle Albert:
Oh, yeah. Uh, speaking of weather, the other day when it was so cold, a friend of mine went to
buy some long underwear, you know. The shopkeeper said to him, "How long do you want it?"
and my friend said, "Well, from about September to March."
Mary Poppins:
Jane! Control yourself! Children, will you please sit up properly at the table? Your tea, uncle
Albert.
Uncle Albert:
Oh, thank you, my dear. I'm having such a good time. I wish that you could all stay up here all
the time.
Michael:
We'll jolly well have to. There's no way to get down.
Uncle Albert:
Oh, no, there is a way. Frankly I, I don't like to mention it, because you have to think of
something sad.
Mary Poppins:
Then do get on with it, please!
Uncle Albert:
Let me see. I've got the very thing. Yesterday when the lady next door answered the bell, there
was a man there. And the man said to the lady, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat."
Jane:
Oh, that's sad.
Michael:
The poor cat.
Uncle Albert:
And then the man said, "I'd like to replace your cat." and the lady said, "That's all right with me,
but how are you at catching mice?"
Well, you know I started out sad. I, I try, really I do. But, but everything ends up so hilarious, I
can't-- I can't help--
Mary Poppins:
That will be quite enough of that! It's time to go home.
Jane:
Oh, that is sad.
Michael:
Oh, no!
Uncle Albert:
Oh, that's sad. That's the saddest thing I ever heard.
Mary Poppins:
Come along, children. Spit spot!
Uncle Albert:
Must you really go? You know, people come to see me all the time, you know. And, and we have
such a lovely time, and then they have to go home. And, and I'm very, very sad about the whole
thing.
Michael:
Don't worry. We'll come back soon.
Jane:
We had a lovely time.
Mary Poppins:
Uh, keep an eye on uncle Albert, will you, Bert?
Bert:
I'll sit with him a while.
Mary Poppins:
Thank you. Come on.
Bert:
Uncle Albert, I got a jolly joke I saved for just such an occasion. Would you like to hear it?
Uncle Albert:
I'd be so grateful.
Bert:
Righto. Well, it's about me granddad, see? And one night, he had a nightmare, he did. So
scared that he chewed his pillow to bits. Yes. To bits.
Uncle Albert:
Yes.
Bert:
Next morning I says, "How do you feel, granddad?"
Uncle Albert:
Yes.
Bert:
He says, "Oh, not bad. A little down in the mouth!"
Yeah, I always say there's nothing like a good joke.
Uncle Albert:
No. And that was nothing like a good joke! That-
Admiral Boom:
Bit late tonight, aren't you, Banks? I say, Banks! Is anything the matter, Banks? Banks!
Jane:
Oh, Father, we're so glad you're home!
Michael:
Want to hear a joke?
Jane:
We had the most wonderful afternoon with Mary Poppins.
Michael:
Speaking of afternoons, the joke goes like this. I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
Mr. Banks:
Smith? We don't know anyone called Smith.
Michael:
And there was a second chap, and the second chap says, "What's the name of his other leg?"
Jane:
And we had a lovely tea party on the ceiling!
Mr. Banks:
Oh, children, please be quiet.
Jane:
Mary Poppins says if we're good, she'll take us there again.
Mr. Banks:
Oh. Oh, Mary Poppins said that, did she? Will you please return to your room. Mary Poppins,
will you be kind enough to come with me?
Mary Poppins:
As you wish.
Mr. Banks:
Mary Poppins, I very much regret what I must say to you.
Mrs. Banks:
Good evening, George. Is anything the matter?
Mr. Banks:
I'm afraid there is.
Mrs. Banks:
I, I'd love to stay, but I have to dress for my rally in Hampstead.
Mr. Banks:
Winifred, it is my wish that you be present!
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, yes, George, of course.
Mr. Banks:
Mary Poppins, I must confess I am extremely disappointed in you.
Ellen:
She's for it now. I've heard the master do this speech before.
Mr. Banks:
I don't deny that I am partially responsible for allowing the children to spend their days on
worthless frivolity to the exclusion of all else! But it is high time they learned the seriousness of
life!
Mrs. Banks:
But, George, they're only children.
Mr. Banks:
Precisely. And in the light of what has happened--
Mrs. Banks:
George, are you certain you know what you're doing?
Mr. Banks:
I believe I do, Winifred.
A British bank is run with precision
A British home requires nothing less
Tradition, discipline and rules
Must be the tools
Without them disorder, chaos, moral disintegration
In short you have a ghastly mess
Mary Poppins:
I quite agree.
Mr. Banks:
The children must be molded shaped and taught
That life's a looming battle to be faced and fought
In short, I am disturbed to hear my children talking about popping in and out of chalk pavement
pictures, consorting with racehorse persons, fox hunting. Yes, well I don't mind that quite so
much. At any rate, it's traditional. But tea parties on the ceiling? I ask you. Having tea parties on
the ceiling and highly-questionable outings of every other kind!
If they must go on outings
These outings ought to be
Fraught with purpose yes, and practicality
These silly words like
Superca-- super-- superca-
Mary Poppins:
Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious.
Mr. Banks:
Yes, well done. You said it.
And popping through pictures
Have little use, fulfill no basic need
They've got to learn the honest truth
Despite their youth
They must learn
Mary Poppins:
About the life you lead
Mr. Banks:
Exactly.
Mary Poppins:
They must feel the thrill of totting up a balanced book
A thousand ciphers neatly in a row
Mr. Banks:
Quite right.
Mary Poppins:
When gazing at a graph that shows the profits up
Their little cup of joy should overflow
Mr. Banks:
Precisely!
Mary Poppins:
It's time they learned to walk in your footsteps
Mr. Banks:
My footsteps.
Mary Poppins:
To tread your straight and narrow path with pride
Mr. Banks:
With pride.
Mary Poppins:
Tomorrow just as you suggest
Pressed and dressed
Jane and Michael will be at your side
Mr. Banks:
Splendid! You hit the nail right on the-- at my side? Where are we going?
Mary Poppins:
To the bank, of course, exactly as you proposed.
Mr. Banks:
I proposed?
Mary Poppins:
Of course. Now, if you'll excuse me. Tomorrow's an important day for the children. I shall see
they have a proper night's sleep. Good night.
Mr. Banks:
Winifred, did I say that I was going to take the children to the bank?
Mrs. Banks:
It certainly sounded that way, dear.
Mr. Banks:
Oh. And why not? A capital idea! Just the medicine they need for all this slipshod, sugary female
thinking they get around here all day long. Quite right. Good idea. Quite right. Good idea. Quite
right.
Jane:
Mary Poppins, we won't let you go!
Mary Poppins:
Go? What on earth are you talking about?
Michael:
Didn't you get sacked?
Mary Poppins:
Sacked? Certainly not! I am never sacked!
Jane:
Oh, Mary Poppins!
Jane & Michael:
Hurrah, hurray, hurray, hurray, hurray, hurray--
Mary Poppins:
Neither am I a Maypole. Kindly stop spinning about me.
Michael:
But?
Mary Poppins:
Goats butt, birds fly, and children who are going on an outing with their father must get some
sleep. Come along, please.
Jane:
An outing with father?
Mary Poppins:
Yes.
Michael:
I don't believe it.
Jane:
He's never taken us on an outing before.
Michael:
He's never taken us anywhere.
Jane:
However did you manage it?
Mary Poppins:
Manage what?
Jane:
You must've put the idea in his head somehow.
Mary Poppins:
What an impertinent thing to say! Me putting ideas into people's heads? Really!
Jane:
Where's he taking us?
Mary Poppins:
To the bank.
Jane:
Oh, Michael, the city! And we'll see all the sights, and father can point them out to us.
Mary Poppins:
Well, most things he can. But sometimes a person we love through no fault of his own, can't see
past the end of his nose.
Jane:
Past the end of his nose?
Mary Poppins:
Yes. Sometimes a little thing can be quite important.
Michael:
Oh, look! The cathedral.
Jane:
Father passes that every day. He sees that.
Mary Poppins:
Early each day to the steps of St. Paul's
The little old bird woman comes
In her own special way to the people she calls
Come buy my bags full of crumbs
Come feed the little birds show them you care
And you'll be glad if you do
Their young ones are hungry
Their nests are so bare
All it takes is tuppence from you
Feed the birds tuppence a bag
Tuppence, tuppence tuppence a bag
Feed the birds that's what she cries
While overhead her birds fill the skies
All around the cathedral
The saints and apostles
Look down as she sells her wares
Although you can't see it
You know they are smiling
Each time someone shows that he cares
Though her words are simple and few
Listen, listen she's calling to you
Feed the birds tuppence a bag
Tuppence, tuppence tuppence a bag
Though her words are simple and few
Listen, listen she's calling to you
Feed the birds tuppence a bag
Tuppence, tuppence tuppence a bag
Mr. Banks:
Now remember that a bank is a quiet and decorous place, so we must be on our best behaviour.
Michael:
But I thought it was your bank.
Mr. Banks:
Yes, well, I'm one of the younger officers, so in a sense it is, sort of.
Jane:
Michael, look! It's her!
Mr. Banks:
Who? It's who?
Jane:
The bird woman. Just where Mary Poppins said she would be. You do see her, don't you,
Father?
Mr. Banks:
Well, of course I can see her. Do you think I can't see past the end of my nose?
Jane:
Listen, Father, she's saying it.
Birdwoman:
Feed the birds. Tuppence a bag.
Mr. Banks:
Well, of course she's saying it. What else would she be saying?
Jane:
Please may we feed the birds?
Mr. Banks:
Whatever for?
Michael:
I have tuppence from my money box.
Jane:
Just this once, please?
Mr. Banks:
Waste your money on a lot of ragamuffin birds? Certainly not.
Jane:
But Mary Poppins-
Mr. Banks:
I am not interested in what Mary Poppins says. Nor do I wish to keep hearing her name for the
remainder of the day. Now come along!
Michael:
But it's my tuppence!
Mr. Banks:
Michael, I will not permit you to throw your money away! When we get to the bank, I shall show
you what may be done with your tuppence. And I think you'll find it extremely interesting.
Mr. Dawes:
Hello, Banks. What's all this about?
Mr. Banks:
These are my children, Mr. Dawes.
Mr. Dawes:
Well, so I assumed. But why are they here?
Mr. Banks:
They wish to open an account, sir.
Mr. Dawes:
Oh, indeed?
Mr. Banks:
Yes.
Mr. Dawes:
And just how much money do you have, young man?
Michael:
Tuppence. But I want it to feed the birds.
Mr. Banks:
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Tuppence? Tuppence? Precisely how I started.
Mr. Banks:
That's the chairman of the bank, the elder Mr. Dawes. A giant in the world of finance.
Michael:
A giant?
Mr. Banks:
Shh, shh, shh.
Mr. Dawes:
Uh, Father, these are Banks's children. They want to open an account.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Oh, they do, do they, boy? Excellent. Excellent. We can al-always use, al-always use more
money to, to put to work for the bank, can't we, boy?
So, you have tuppence? May I be permitted to see it?
Michael:
No. I want it to feed the birds!
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Fiddlesticks, boy! Feed the birds and what have you got? Fat birds!
But if you invest your tuppence
Wisely in the bank
Safe and sound
Soon that tuppence safely invested in the bank
Will compound
And you'll achieve that sense of conquest
As your affluence expands
In the hands of the directors
Who invest as propriety demands
Mr. Banks:
May I, sir?
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Carry on, Banks.
Mr. Banks:
You see, Michael, you'll be part of...
Railways through Africa
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Exactly!
Mr. Banks:
Dams across the Nile
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
The ships. Tell them about the ships.
Mr. Banks:
Fleets of ocean Greyhounds
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
More, tell them more!
Mr. Banks:
Majestic self-amortizing canals
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Oh, it fires the imagination!
Mr. Banks:
Plantations of ripening tea all from
Bank Directors:
Tuppence prudently thriftily, frugally
Invested in the
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
To be specific
Bank Directors:
In the Dawes, Tomes Mousley, Grubbs, Fidelity Fiduciary Bank
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Very well, my boy, give me the money.
Michael:
No, I won't! I want it to feed the birds.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Banks!
Mr. Banks:
Yes, sir. Now, Michael.
When you deposit tuppence in a bank account
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Go on!
Mr. Banks:
Soon you'll see
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Tell him more!
Mr. Banks:
That it blooms into credit of a generous amount semi-annually
Bank Directors:
And you'll achieve that sense of stature
As your influence expands
To the high financial strata
That established credit now commands
Mr. Dawes (Snr) & Directors::
You can purchase first and second trust deeds. Think of the foreclosures! Bonds, chattels,
dividends, shares. Bankruptcies. Debtor sales. Opportunities. All manner of private enterprise.
Shipyards. The mercantile. Collieries. Tanneries. Corporations. Amalgamations.
Banks!
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
While stand the banks of England, England stands. Oh, oh, oh, oh! When fall the banks of
England, England falls!
Mr. Banks:
You see, Michael? All for the lack of...
Bank Directors:
Tuppence patiently, cautiously trustingly invested in the
To be specific in the Dawes, Tomes, Mousley, Grubbs, Fidelity Fiduciary Bank
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Welcome to our joyful family of investors.
Michael:
Give it back! Gimme back my money!
Mr. Banks:
Michael, behave.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Banks!
Michael:
Give it to me!
Mr. Banks:
Michael, behave.
Michael:
Jane! Jane! Gimme back my money!
Mr. Banks:
Jane! Michael! Michael! Michael!
Michael:
Gimme back my money!
Mr. Banks:
Michael!
Client 1:
There's something wrong. The bank won't give someone their money!
Client 2:
Well, I'm going to get mine! Come along, young man! I want every penny!
Client 3:
And mine, too!
Client 4:
And give me mine, too!
Banker:
Stop all payments. Stop all payments.
Mr. Banks:
Michael! Jane!
Michael:
Give me my money!
Mr. Banks:
Children, come back here.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Stop those children.
Mr. Banks:
Jane! Michael!
Micheal:
Gimme my money back! I want my money! Come on.
Director:
Stop those children! Stop those children!
Old Woman:
Come with me, my dears. Granny'll hide you!
Bert:
Here, here, half a mo.
Michael:
Leave her alone! Leave my sister alone!
Bert:
Easy, now. Your old friend ain't gonna hurt ya.
Jane:
Bert, it's you!
Bert:
In the flesh, and at your service.
Michael:
You're filthy!
Bert:
Oh, perhaps a smudge or two. It so happens that today I'm a chimney sweep.
Jane:
Oh, Bert, we're so frightened.
Bert:
Now, now, don't take on so. Bert'll take care of you like I was your own father. Now, who's after
you?
Jane:
Father is.
Bert:
What?
Michael:
He brought us to see his bank.
Bert:
I don't know what we did, but it must've been something dreadful.
Michael:
He sent the police after us, and the army and everything.
Jane:
Michael, don't exaggerate.
Bert:
Well, now, there must be some mistake. Your dad's a fine gentleman and he loves ya!
Jane:
I don't think so. You should've seen the look on his face.
Michael:
He doesn't like us at all.
Bert:
Well, now that don't seem likely, does it?
Jane:
It's true.
Bert:
Let's sit down. You know, begging your pardon, but the one my heart goes out to is your father.
There he is in that cold, heartless bank day after day, hemmed in by mounds of cold, heartless
money. I don't like to see any living thing caged up.
Jane:
Father in a cage?
Bert:
They makes cages in all sizes and shapes, you know. Bank-shaped some of 'em, carpets and
all.
Jane:
Father's not in trouble. We are.
Bert:
Oh, sure about that, are you? Look at it this way. You've got your mother to look after you. And
Mary Poppins, and Constable Jones and me. Who looks after your father? Tell me that. When
something terrible happens, what does he do? Fends for himself, he does. Who does he tell
about it? No one! Don't blab his troubles at home. He just pushes on at his job, uncomplaining
and alone and silent.
Michael:
He's not very silent!
Jane:
Michael, be quiet. Bert, do you think Father really needs our help?
Bert:
Well, not my place to say. I only observe that a father can always do with a bit of help. Come on,
I'll take you home.
Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheree
A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be
Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheroo
Good luck will rub off when I shakes hands with you
Or blow me a kiss and that's lucky too
Now as the ladder of life has been strung
You might think a sweep's on the bottommost rung
Though I spends me time in the ashes and smoke
In this whole wide world there's no happier bloke
Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheree
A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be
Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheroo
Good luck will rub off when I shakes hands with you
Bert & Children:
Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheree
A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be
Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheroo
Good luck will rub off when I shakes hands with you
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, Ellen, see who that is, and send them away. I'm dreadfully late!
Ellen:
Yes, ma'am.
Bert:
Well, I'll be gettin' along now.
Jane:
Oh, please stay 'til father comes home. He'll feel much better if you shake hands with him.
Ellen:
It's the children, ma'am.
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, I thought they were with their father. You haven't been running off again, have you? You
know how terribly it upsets me.
Bert:
Oh, they haven't exactly been running away, ma'am. They have had bit of a fright, though. Need
someone to look after 'em.
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, of course! Mary Poppins will. Oh, no, it's her day off! Ellen, I wonder if you would--
Ellen:
No, ma'am. I haven't done me brasses yet.
Mrs. Banks:
Well, will you ask Mrs. Brill?
Ellen:
Not for a hundred quid, ma'am. This here is baking day, and you know how cook is!
Mrs. Banks:
What about you, sir? You've been so kind in looking after the children.
Bert:
Wh-- uh, me, ma'am? W-well, well, I-I-I have to be moving along. The Lord Mayor's got a
stopped-up chimney.
Mrs. Banks:
Chimney. How clever of you to know. Our drawing room chimney's in the most ghastly condition.
Smokes incessantly.
Bert:
W-w--
Mrs. Banks:
Thank you so much!
Bert:
But--
Mrs. Banks:
Besides, it'll amuse the children.
Bert:
The Lord Mayor's gonna be terrible put out.
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, thank you so much. I do appreciate it. I must hurry. Our gallant ladies in prison are waiting
for me to lead them in song! Good-bye, my darlings. See you soon.
Bert:
I choose me bristles with pride, yes, I do
A broom for the shaft
And a brush for the flue
Jane:
Oh, it's awfully dark and gloomy up there.
Bert:
There now. You see how wrong people can be? That there is what you might call a doorway to
a place of enchantment.
Up where the smoke is all billowed and curled
'Tween pavement and stars
Is the chimney sweep world
When there's hardly no day
Nor hardly no night
There's things half in shadow
And halfway in light
On the rooftops of London
Coo, what a sight.
Jane:
I do wish we could go up there.
Michael:
So do I! I like chimneys.
Bert:
Oh, rightly so! A chimney is a wondrous thing. She's built tall right up there on the roof. When
the wind is just right, it blows across her top, then draws the smoke right up the flue. Here. Feel
the pull on the end of that brush. It's like I got a whale on the end of the line, ain't it? Michael,
Mary Poppins:
Be careful. You never know what may happen around a fireplace. Oh, bother!
Jane:
Michael! Michael, come back down here. Michael! Michael, where are you?
Bert:
Well, that's a bit awkward. I must say!
Mary Poppins:
Bert, I'll thank you to stop putting ideas in their heads! There goes the other one.
Bert:
Shall I go after 'em?
Mary Poppins:
Well, we can't have them gallivanting up there like kangaroos, can we?
Jane:
Michael, don't be frightened. Everything's going--
Mary Poppins:
Will you put your things on at once? Hurry up, please. Spit spot!
Bert:
Here you are! I thought you'd left us.
Jane:
We didn't mean to.
Bert:
Well, no harm done. The truth is, this is what you might call a fortuitous circumstance. Look
there. A trackless jungle just waiting to be explored. Why not, Mary Poppins?
Jane:
Oh, please, Mary Poppins?
Michael:
Please!
Mary Poppins:
Oh, well. If we must, we must. Fall in. Look lively, look lively. Jump to it! Jump to it! Get in line.
Attention! A-show arms! A-right turn! Quick march!
Michael:
Hello there!
Bert:
It's just good, clean soot, Michael.
Bert:
As far as we go, right?
Mary Poppins:
Not at all.
Bert:
What did I tell ya? There's the whole world at your feet. And who gets to see it, but the birds, the
stars and the chimney sweeps?
Mary Poppins:
Quite nice, but we should all get in out of the night air. Follow me, please.
Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim
Chim cheree when you're with a sweep you're in glad company
Bert:
Nowhere is there a more happier crew
Bert & Mary Poppins:
Than them what sings chim chim cheree, chim cheroo
Chim chiminy chim chim cheree chim cheroo
Chimney Sweeps:
Cheroo! Cheroo! Cheroo! Cheroo! Cheroo! Cheroo!
Bert:
It's all me pals!
Step in time!
Step in time!
Bert & Chimney Sweeps:
Step in time!
Step in time!
Step in time!
Step in time!
Step in time, step in time
Come on, mateys, step in time
Step in time
Step in time,
Step in time
Step in time,
Step in time
Never need a reason never need a rhyme
We step in time, we step in time
Kick your knees up!
Kick your knees up step in time
Kick your knees up, step in time
Never need a reason never need a rhyme
Kick your knees up step in time
Round the chimney!
Round the chimney step in time
Round the chimney, step in time
Never need a reason never need a rhyme
Round the chimney we step in time
Clap like a birdie.
Clap like a birdie step in time
Clap like a birdie, step in time
Never need a reason never need a rhyme
Clap like a birdie in time
Up on the railing.
Up on the railing step in time
Up on the railing, step in time
Never need a reason never need a rhyme up
On the railing step in time
Over the rooftops!
Over the rooftops step in time
Over the rooftops, step in time
Never need a reason never need a rhyme
Step it time,
Over the rooftops
Over the rooftops
Link your elbows!
Link your elbows, step in time
Link your elbows, step in time
Link your elbows,
Link your elbows,
Link your elbows
Step in time,
Step in time
Step in time,
Step in time
Never need a reason never need a rhyme
When you step in time you step in time
Mary Poppins, step in time! There you go, Mary Poppins! Lucky old Bert! Come on, Mary
Poppins! Here we go, mate! Here we go! Make room for her! Go! Ain't she marvelous? Ain't she
beautiful? Lovely. Tell your mum! Hello, hello, hello! More! More! Mary, do it again! Come on,
Mary, do it again. Here we go.
Admiral Boom:
We're being attacked by Hottentots!
Mr. Binnacle:
Aye, aye, sir.
Admiral Boom:
Cheeky devils! Give 'em what for! Empty the shot lockers!
Mr. Binnacle:
Aye, aye, sir!
Admiral Boom:
Move along, Mr. Binnacle. Handsomely now. Teach the beggars a lesson.
Mr. Binnacle:
Gun ready, sir.
Admiral Boom:
Stand by. Fire!
Fire! Well hit, sir! Very well hit!
Mrs. Brill:
Aah! They're at it again!
Chimney Sweeps:
They're at it again!
Step it time,
At it again
Step in time
They're at it again
Step it time ow!
Ow,
Step in time
Ow,
Step in time
Never need a reason never need a rhyme
Whoa!
Step in time
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, Ellen, when you have a second.
Chimney Sweeps:
Votes for women, step in time
Votes for women, step in time
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, no, really, not at the moment.
Chimney Sweeps:
Votes for women
Votes for women!
Ellen:
It's the master!
Chimney Sweeps:
It's the master,
Step in time
It's the master, step in time
Mr. Banks:
What's all this?
Chimney Sweeps:
What's all this
What's all this?
What's all this
What's all this
What's all this
What's all this
Link your elbows, step in time
What's all this?
Kick your knees up what's all this?
Step in time
Kick your knees up
Kick your knees up Bert.
Kick your knees up
Kick your knees up in time
Good luck, guv'nor. Lovely time! Had an elegant time, guv'nor.
Michael:
Good luck, guv'nor.
Jane:
Oh, father, every one of those sweeps shook your hand. You're going to be the luckiest person
in the world!
Mary Poppins:
Come along, children. Spit spot.
Mr. Banks:
Just a moment, Mary Poppins. What is the meaning of this outrage?
Mary Poppins:
I beg your pardon?
Mr. Banks:
Will you be good enough to explain all this?
Mary Poppins:
First of all, I would like to make one thing quite clear.
Mr. Banks:
Yes?
Mary Poppins:
I never explain anything.
Mr. Banks:
Yes. Banks here. Mr. Dawes! I'm most dreadfully sorry, sir, about what happened at the bank
today. I can assure you that-- tonight, sir?
Mr. Dawes:
Yes, Banks. We'll expect you at 9:00 precisely.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Without fail.
Mr. Dawes:
Without fail.
Why, yes, Banks. It's extremely serious.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
We regret this course of action.
Mr. Dawes:
We regret this course of action.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
After all, you have been with us a good many years.
Mr. Dawes:
After all, you have been with us a good many years.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
As was your father before you.
Mr. Dawes:
As was your father before you.
Mr. Banks:
Yes, Mr. Dawes. I shall be there at 9:00.
A man has dreams of walking with giants.
To carve his niche in the edifice of time.
Before the mortar of his zeal
Has a chance to congeal
The cup is dashed from his lips!
The flame is snuffed a-borning.
He's brought to wrack and ruin in his prime.
Bert:
Life is a rum go, guv'nor, and that's the truth.
Mr. Banks:
You know what I think? It's that woman Mary Poppins. From the moment she stepped into this
house, things began to happen to me!
Bert:
Mary Poppins?
Mr. Banks:
Yes, yes, of course.
My world was calm, well-ordered, exemplary.
Then came this person with chaos in her wake
And now my life's ambitions go
With one fell blow
It's quite a bitter pill to take.
It's that Poppins woman! She did it!
Bert:
I know the very person you mean. Mary Poppins. She's the one what sings...
A spoonful of sugar that is all it takes
It changes bread and water into tea and cakes
Mr. Banks:
You see? That's exactly what I mean! Changing bread and water into tea and cakes!
Bert:
Indeed!
Mr. Banks:
No wonder everything's higgledy-piggledy here.
Bert:
A spoonful of sugar goes a long, long way
Have yourself a healthy helpin' everyday
An healthy helpin' of trouble, if you ask me.
Mr. Banks:
Do you know what she did? I realize it now. She tricked me into taking Jane and Michael to the
bank. That's how all the trouble started.
Bert:
Tricked you into taking the children on an outing?
Mr. Banks:
Yes.
Bert:
Outrageous! A man with all the important things you have to do. Shameful! You're a man of high
position. Esteemed by your peers.
And when your little tykes are cryin' you haven't time to dry their tears
and see them grateful little faces smilin' up at you
because their dad he always knows just what to do
Mr. Banks:
Well I mean, look, I, I don't think I ca-- -
Bert:
Like you say, guv'nor.
You've got to grind, grind, grind at that grindstone
Though childhood slips like sand through a sieve
And all too soon they've up and grown
And then they've flown
And it's too late for you to give
Just that spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down
The medicine go down
Medicine go down
Well, good-bye, guv'nor. Sorry to have troubled you.
Jane:
Father? We're sorry about the tuppence. We didn't know it would cause you so much trouble.
Michael:
Here, father, you can have the tuppence.
Jane:
Will that make everything all right?
Mr. Banks:
Thank you.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Come in!
Take your hat off, Banks.
Mr. Banks:
Good evening, gentlemen.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Well, get on with it. Go on.
Mr. Dawes:
Uh, yes, Father. In 1773, an official of this bank, unwisely loaned a large sum of money, to
finance a shipment of tea to the American colonies. Do you know what happened?
Mr. Banks:
Yes, sir. Yes, I think I do. Uh, uh, as the ship lay in Boston harbor, uh, a party of the colonists
dressed as Red Indians, uh, boarded the vessel, behaved very rudely, and, and threw all the
tea overboard. This made the tea unsuitable for drinking, even for Americans.
Mr. Dawes:
Precisely. The loan was defaulted. Panic ensued within these walls. There was a run on the
bank!
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
From that time to this, sir, there has not been a run on this bank until today! A run, sir, caused
by the disgraceful conduct of your son. Do you deny it?
Mr. Banks:
I do not deny it, sir. And I shall be only too glad to assume responsibility for my son.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
What are you waiting for? Get on with it!
Mr. Dawes:
Uh, y-yes, Father.
Director 1:
No, not that!
Director 2:
Steady on.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Well, do you have anything to say, Banks?
Mr. Banks:
Well, sir, they do say that when there's nothing to say, all you can say I-
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Confound it, Banks! I said, do you have anything to say?
Mr. Banks:
Just one word, sir.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Yes?
Mr. Banks:
Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
What?
Mr. Banks:
Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious. Mary Poppins was right. It's extraordinary. It does make you
feel better!
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
What are you talking about, man? There's no such word.
Mr. Banks:
Oh, yes. It is a word. A perfectly good word, actually. Do you know what there's no such thing
as? It turns out, with due respect, when all is said and done, that there's no such thing as you!
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Impertinence, sir!
Mr. Banks:
Speaking of impertinence, would you like to hear a perfectly marvelous joke? A real snapper!
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Joke? Snapper?
Mr. Banks:
Yes. There are these two wonderful young people, Jane and Michael. And they meet one day
on the street, and Jane says to Michael, "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith." and
Michael says, "Really? What's the name of his other leg?"
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
The man's gone mad. Call the guard!
Mr. Banks:
Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious. I'm feeling better all the time!
Mr. Dawes:
Banks, don't you dare strike my father!
Mr. Banks:
There's the tuppence. The wonderful, fateful, Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious tuppence.
Guard it well. Good-bye!
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Banks, where are you going?
Mr. Banks:
I don't know. I might pop through a chalk pavement picture, and go for an outing in the country.
Or I might seize a horse off a merry-go-round, and win the derby! Or I might just fly a kite! Only
Poppins would know!
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Poppins?
Mr. Banks:
My nanny. She's the one who sings that ridiculous song.
A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down
The medicine go down
The medicine go down
The medicine--
Mr. Dawes:
Mad as a march hare.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
A wooden leg named Smith. A wooden leg named Smith. A wooden le--
Mr. Dawes:
Father? Father! Father, come down! Daddy! Daddy, come back!
Admiral Boom:
Wind's come around, blowing dead on from the west!
Michael:
She doesn't care what happens to us.
Jane:
She only promised to stay 'til the wind changed. Isn't that right, Mary Poppins?
Mary Poppins:
Will you bring me my hat stand, please?
Jane:
Mary Poppins, don't you love us?
Mary Poppins:
And what would happen to me, may I ask, if I loved all the children I said good-bye to?
Constable:
Yes, sir, that's right. George W. Banks. 17 Cherry Tree Lane. About six foot one, I'd say, sir. Oh,
yes, we rang up his bank first thing this morning. The only thing we discovered was, he'd been
discharged last night. No telling what he might do in a fit of despondency.
Ellen:
Wouldn't hurt to have them drag the river. There's a nice spot there by Suffolk bridge. Popular
with jumpers.
Mrs. Banks:
Really, Ellen!
Constable:
He seemed to have been a fine, stable gentleman, sir. No hanky-panky, if you know what I
mean. Oh, regular habits, sir. Well, far as anyone knows.
Mr. Banks:
The medicine go down
The medicine go down
Just a spoonful of sugar
Mrs. Brill:
It's him!
Mr. Banks:
Helps the medicine go down
Ellen:
Or something that sounds like him.
Constable:
Mrs. Banks, could we have a little less noise on the premises? I can't make out what the
inspector's sayin'.
Mr. Banks:
In the most delightful way
Just a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down
Mrs. Banks:
George! Oh, George, you didn't jump in the river. How sensible of you.
Constable:
It's all right, sir. He's been found! No, alive! Or so I presume. He's a-kissin' a-Mrs. Banks.
Mrs. Banks:
I've been so worried. What happened at the bank?
Mr. Banks:
I've been sacked, discharged, flung into the street.
A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down
Ellen:
Gone off his crumpet. That's what he's done.
Mr. Banks:
The medicine go down
Ellen:
Dotty as you please.
Mrs. Banks:
George, what on earth were you doing in the cellar?
Mr. Banks:
You'll see in a moment. Where are the children? Jane? Michael?
Mrs. Banks:
Your father's calling you.
Michael:
It doesn't sound like Father.
Mr. Banks:
Jane? Michael?
Mary Poppins:
Run along. Spit spot!
Michael:
You won't go, Mary Poppins, will you?
Mary Poppins:
Spit spot.
Michael:
He mended it!
Jane:
It's wonderful! However did you manage it?
Mr. Banks:
With tuppence for paper and strings
You can have your own set of wings
With your feet on the ground
You're a bird in flight
With your fist holding tight
To the string of your kite
Oh, oh, oh
Let's go fly a kite
Up to the highest height
Let's go fly a kite
And send it soaring
Up through the atmosphere
Up where the air is clear
Oh, let's go fly a kite
Mrs. Banks:
A proper kite needs a proper tail, don't you think?
Constable:
That's what I said, sir. Go fly a kite! Oh, no, sir. No, I, I don't mean you personally.
Banks Family:
Let's go fly a kite
Up to the highest height
Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring
Up through the atmosphere
Up where the air is clear
Oh, let's go fly a kite
Bert:
When you send it flying up there
All at once you're lighter than air
You can dance on the breeze
Over houses and trees
With your fist holding tight
To the string of your kite
Kite Flyers:
Oh, oh, oh
Michael:
Now!
Kite Flyers:
Let's go fly a kite
Up to the highest height
Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring
Mr. Dawes:
Oh, there you are, Banks. I want to congratulate you. Capital bit of humor. Wooden leg named
Smith. Or Jones or whatever it was. Father died laughing.
Mr. Banks:
Oh, I'm so sorry, sir.
Mr. Dawes:
Oh, no, nonsense. Nothing to be sorry about. Never seen him happier in his life. He left an
opening for a new partner. Congratulations.
Mr. Banks:
Thank you, sir. Thank you very much indeed, sir.
Kite Flyers:
Up through the atmosphere
Up where the air is clear
Oh, let's go fly a kite
Umbrella:
That's gratitude for you. Didn't even say good-bye.
Mary Poppins:
No, they didn't.
Umbrella:
Look at them. You know, they think more of their father than they do of you.
Mary Poppins:
That's as it should be.
Umbrella:
Well, don't you care?
Mary Poppins:
Practically perfect people never permit sentiment to muddle their thinking.
Umbrella:
Is that so? Well, I'll tell you one thing, Mary Poppins, you don't fool me a bit.
Mary Poppins:
Oh, really?
Umbrella:
Yes, really. I know exactly how you feel about these children. And if you think I'm gonna keep
my mouth shut any longer, I--
Mary Poppins:
That will be quite enough of that, thank you.
Bert:
Good-bye, Mary Poppins. Don't stay away too long.
Nala: Cars!
McQueen: OK... Here we go. Focus. Speed. I am speed.
McQueen: One winner. 42 losers. I eat losers for breakfast.
McQueen: Breakfast. Wait, maybe I should have had breakfast. A little breck-y could be good for me. No,no,no, stay focused. Speed.
McQueen: I'm faster than fast. Quicker than quick. I am Lightning!
Mack: (knock-knock)Hey Lightning, are you ready?
McQueen: Oh, yeah. Lightning's ready.
Song
McQueen: Ka-chow!
Song
Seller: Get your antenna here!
Fans: You got that right, Slick.
Bob Cutlass: Welcome back to the Dinoco 400. I'm Bob Cutlass, here with my good friend, Darrel Cartrip. We're midway through what may turn out to be a historic day for racing.
Darrel Cartrip: Bob, my oil pressure's through the roof right now. If this gets more exciting, they're gonna have to tow me outta the booth!
Bob Cutlass: Right you are, Darrell. Three cars are tied for the season points lead, heading into the final race of the season. And the winner of this race Darrell, will win the season title and, the Piston Cup. Does The King, Strip Weathers, have one more victory in him before retirement?
Darrell: He's been Dinoco's golden boy for years! Can he win them one last Piston Cup?
Bob: And, as always, in the second place spot we find Chick Hicks. He's been chasing that tailfin his entire career.
Darrell: Chick thought this was his year, Bob. His chance to finally emerge from The King's shadow. But the last thing he expected was...Lightning McQueen!
Bob: You know, I don't think anybody expected this. The rookie sensation come into the season unknown. But everyone knows him now.
Darrell: Will he be the first rookie to win a Piston Cup and land Dinoco?
Bob: The legend, the runner up, and the rookie! Three cars, one champion!
Song
Chick: No you don't.
Fans: Oohh. What a ride!
Chick: Hahaha
Fans: Go get'em, McQueen! Go get'em!
Fans: We love you, Lightning!
Chick: Dinoco is all mine.
Race car: Ahhhh!
Darrell: Trouble, turn three!
Chick: Haha. Get through that, Mcqueen.
Bob: Ouw.. A huge crash behind the leaders!
Fans: Wahh!!
Bob: Wait a second, Darrell. McQueen is in the wreckage.
Darrell: There's no way the rookie can make it through! Not in one piece that is.
Mia & Tia: Lightning, ahhh.
Darrell: Look at that, McQueen made it through!
Bob: Man, a spectacular move by Lightning McQueen.
McQueen: Yeah! Ka-chow!
Fans: McQueen (7X)
Fan: Yeah McQueen! Ka-chow!
Bob: While everyone else heads into the pits, McQueen stays out to take the lead!
Broken car: Don't take me out coach. I can still race!
Chick: Haha. What do you think boys? A thing of beauty.
Chick's coach: McQueen made it through!
Chick: What?
Chick's coach: He's not pitting!
Chick: Come on! Get me out there! Let's go! Get me back out there! Come on!
Bob: McQueen's not going into the pits!
Darrell: You know the rookie just fired his crew chief. That's the third one this season!
Bob: Well he says he likes working alone Darrell.
Chick's coach: Go, go, go!
Bob: Looks like Chick got caught up in the pits.
Darrell: Yeah, after a stop like that, he's got a lot of ground to make up.Get ready boys, we're coming to the restart!
Chick: Come on, come on, come on!
McQueen's crew: We need tires now! Come on, let's go!
McQueen: No,no,no,no! No tires, just gas!
McQueen's crew: What! You need tires, you idiot!
Darrell: Looks like it's all gas-and-go's for McQueen today.
Bob: That's right. No tires again.
Darrell: Normally I said a short-term gain, long-term loss, but it's sure is workin' for him. He obviously knows somethin' we don't know.
Bob: This is it Darrell, one lap to go and Lightning McQueen has a huge lead.
Darrell: All he's got it in the bag. Call in the dogs and put out the fire! We're gonna crown us a new champion!
McQueen: Checkered flag, here I come!
Darrell: Oh, no! McQueen has blown a tire!
Bob: And with only one turn to go! Can he make it?
McQueen's crew: You fool!
The King's Coach: McQueen's blown a tire!, McQueen's blown a tire! Go,go,go!
Darrell: He lost another tire! The King and Chick are coming up fast!
Bob: They're entering turn three!
McQueen: Come on.
Darrell: I don't belive what I'm watching, Bob!
Darrell: Lightning McQueen is hundred feet from his Piston Cup!
Bob: The King and Chick rounding turn four.
Darrell: Down the stretch they come! And it's, and it's...
Bob: It's too close to call! Too close to call!
Darrell: I don't belive it! (2X)
Mia & Tia: Lightning!
Bob: The most spectacular, amazing unequivocally, unbelievable ending in the history of the world! And we don't even know who won!
Darrell: Look at that!
Security: Hey, no cameras! Get outta here!
Kori Turbowitz: We're here in Victory Lane, awaiting the race results. McQueen that was quite a risky move, not taking tires.
McQueen crew: Tell me about it.
Kori Turbowitz: Are you sorry you don't have a crew chief out there?
McQueen's Crew: Hah!
McQueen: Oh Kori. There's a lot more to racing than just winning. I mean, taking the race by a full lap... Where's the entertainment in that? No no no... I wanted to give folks a little sizzle.
McQueen's crew: Sizzle?
McQueen: Am I sorry I don't have a crew chief? No, I'm not. Cause I'm a one-man show.
McQueen crew: Whats? Oh, yeah right.
Kori Turbowitz: That was a very confident Lightning McQueen. Coming to you live from Victory Lane, I'm Kori Turbowitz.
Cameramen: Hey, get out of the shot!
McQueen: Yo, Chuck, what are you doing? You're blocking the camera. Everyone wants to see the bolt.
McQuenn crew: What?
McQueen: Now, back away.
McQueen's crew: Ahh! That's it. Come on guys.
McQueen: Whoa, team! Where are going?
McQueen's crew: We quit, Mr. One-Man Show!
McQueen: Oh, OK, leave. Fine. Hahaha. How will I ever find anyone else who knows how to fill me up with gas? Adios Chuck!
McQueen's crew: And my name is not Chuck!
McQueen: Oh, whatever.
Chuck: Hey, Lightning! Yo! McQueen! Seriously, that was some pretty darn nice racin' out there. By me! Hahaha!
Chick's crew: Zinger
Chick: Welcome to the Chick era, baby! The Piston Cup... It's mine dude. It's mine. Hey fellas, how do you think I'm look in Dinoco blue? Dinoco blue! Hahaha!
McQueen: In your dreams Thunder.
Chick: Yeah, right. Thunder? What's he talkin' about, "Thunder"?
McQueen: You know, cause' thunder always comes after lightning. Pew, Kaka-phow!
Chick: Who here knew about the thunder thing?
Chick's crew: I didn't.
Cameramen: Give us the bolt!
Cameramen: That's right.
Cameramen: Right in the lens.
Cameramen: Show me the bolt, baby!
Cameramen: Smile, McQueen!
Cameramen: Show me the bolt, McQueen!
Cameramen: That's it!
Tex: Ohh we, that was one close finish. You sure made Dinoco proud. Thank you, King.
The King: Well, Tex, you've been good to me all these years. It's the least I could do.
Dear: Whatever happens, you're winner to me, you old daddy rabbit.
The King: Thanks, dear. We wouldn't be nothing without you.
Mia: I'm Mia.
Tia: I'm Tia.
Mia & Tia: We're like your biggest fans! Ka-chow!
McQueen: I love being me.
Security: OK, girls, that's it.
Mia & Tia: We love you, Lightning!
Some guys far away: We love you more!!
The King: Hey, buddy. You're one gutsy racer.
McQueen: Oh, hey, Mr. The King.
The King: You got more talent in one lug nut than a lot of cars has got in their whole body.
McQueen: Really? Oh, that...
The King: But you're stupid.
McQueen: Excuse me?
The King: This ain't a one-man deal, kid. You need to wise-up and get you self a good crew chief and a good team. And you ain't gonna win unless you got good folks behind you, and you let them do their job, like they should. Like I tell the boys at the shop...
McQueen: A good team. Yeahhh.
Dreaming Song.
Mia & Tia: Oh, McQueen.
The King: If you figure that out, you just gonna be OK.
McQueen: Oh, yeah, that.. That is spectacular advice. Thank you Mr. The King.
Speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in Piston Cup history...
McQueen: A rookie has won the Piston Cup. Yes!!
Speaker: We have a three-way tie.
Chick: Oh, ho. Hey, McQueen, that must be really embarrassing. But I wouldn't be worry about it. Because I didn't do it! Hahaha!
Speaker: Piston Cup officials have determined that a tiebreaker race between the three leaders will be held in California in one week.
Chick: Well, thank you! Thanks to all of you out there! Thank you! Hey, rook, first one to California gets Dinoco all to himself. Ahh! No, not me! No, you rock, and you know that!
Balloon: Oh, yeah! Woaah!!
McQueen: First one to California gets Dinoco all to himself. Ohh, we'll see who gets there first, Chick. Huh?
Mack: Hey, kid! Congrats on the tie.
McQueen: I don't want to talk about it. Come on, let's go, Mack. Saddle up. What'd you do with my trailer?
Mack: I parked it at your sponsor's tent.
McQueen: What?
Mack: You gotta make your personal appearance.
McQueen: No. No! No,no,no,no!
McQueen: Yes, yes, yes! Lightning McQueen here. And I use Rust-eze Medicated Bumper Ointment, new rear end formula! Nothing soothes rusty bumper like Rust-eze.
McQueen: Wow! Look at that shine! Use Rust-eze and you too can look like me! Ka-chow!
Rust-eze Car: Hahaha. I met this car from Swampscott. He was so rusty he didn't even cast a shadow.
Rust-eze Van: You could see his dirty undercarriage. Hahaha.
McQueen: Uahh! I hate rusty cars. This is not good for my image.
Mack: They did give you your big break. Besides, it's in your contract.
McQueen: Oh, will you stop please? Just go get hooked up.
Rust-eze Van: Winter is a grand old time.
Rust-eze Car: Of this there are no ifs or buts.
Rust-eze Van: But remember, all that salt and grime...
Rust-eze Car: Can rust your bolts and freeze your...
Rust-eze Van: Hey look! There he is! Our almost champ! Victory ran to your rear end in here, kid.
Fan: Lightning McQueen, you are wicked fast!
Fan: That race was a pisser!
Fan: You were booking McQueen!
McQueen: Give me a little room guys.
Fred: You're my hero Mr.McQueen.
McQueen: Yes, I know. Fred, Fred, thank you.
Fred: He knows my name. He knows my name!
Rust-eze Van: Looking good, Freddie!
Rust-eze Car: Thanks to you Lightning, we had a banner year!
Rust-eze Van: We might clear enough to buy you some headlights.
Rust-eze Car: Are you saying he doesn't have headlights?
Rust-eze Van: That's what I'm telling ya. It's just stickers!
McQueen: Well, you know, racecars don't need headlights, because the track is always lit.
Rust-eze Car: Yeah, well,so is my brother, but he still needs headlights.
Hahaha
McQueen: Hahaha! Ha!! Hahaha!!
Rust-eze Car: Ladies and gentlemen, Lightning McQueen!
Fans: Free Bird!
McQueen: You know, the Rust-eze Medicated Bumper Ointment team ran a great race today. And remember, with a little Rust-eze...And an insane amount of luck, you too can look like me. Ka-chow.
Rust-eze Car: Hey, kid.
Rust-eze Van: We love ya. And we're looking forward to another great year. Just like this year. Hahaha.
McQueen: Not on your life.
Rust-eze Car: Don't drive like my brother!
Rust-eze Van: Oh Yeah, don't drive like my brother!
Mack: California, here we come!
McQueen: Dinoco, here we come!
Song
McQueen: I needed this. Hello?
Harv: Is this Lightning McQueen, the world's fastest racing machine?
McQueen: Is this Harv, the world's greatest agent?
Harv: And it is such a honor to be your agent and it almost hurts to take ten percent of your winnings and merchandising. And ancillary rights in perpetuity. Anyway, what a race! Hot champ! I didn't see it, but I heard you were great.
McQueen: Thanks, Harv.
Harv: Listen, they're giving you 20 tickets for the tiebreaker thing in Cali. I'll pass 'em on to your friends. You shoot me the names. You let Harv rock it for you. All right, baby?
McQueen: Right. Friends. Yes, there's a...
Harv: OK, I get it, Mr.Popular. So many friends you can't even narrow it down. Hey, when you get to town, you better make time for your best friend! You gotta break bread with your mishpoacheh here!
McQueen: Yeah, yeah, that'd be great! We should totally...
Harv: Ok, I gotta jump, kid. Let me know how it goes. I'm out.
McQueen: What? A minivan? Oh, come on Mack, you're in the slow lane. This is Lightning McQueen you're hauling here.
Mack: Just stopping off for a quick breather, kid. Old Mack needs a rest.
McQueen: Absolutely not.
McQueen: We're driving straight to all night till we get to California. We agreed to it.
Mack: All night? May I remind you, federal DOT regs state...
McQueen: Come on, I need to get there before Chick get hang with Dinoco.
Mack: Ahh, all those sleeping trucks. Hey kid, I don't know if I can make it.
McQueen: Oh, sure you can, Mack. Look, it'll be easy. I'll stay up with you.
Mack: All night?
McQueen: All night long.
McQueen: Zzzzz...
DJ Song
Snot Rod: Ah, ahh, achowww!
Wingo: Hahaha!
Boost: Hey, yo, DJ.
DJ: What up?
Boost: We got ourselves a nodder.
DJ: Hahaha.
Mack: Pretty music.
Boost: Yo, Wingo! Lane change, man.
Wingo: Right back at ya! Hahaha.
Snot Rod: Yeah!
Boost: Oops! I missed.
Snot Rod: You going on vacation?
Tuner team: Hahaha.
Boost: Oh, no, Snot Rod...
Wingo: He's gonna blow!
Snot Rod: Ahh...ahhh...ahhh...achoowww!!!
Mack: Gesundheit! Hoho. One should never drive while drowsy.
McQueen: MACK!
McQueen: Mack!
McQueen: Mack!
McQueen: Hey,Mack! Mack!
McQueen: Mack!
McQueen: Mack,wait for me!
McQueen: Mack!
McQueen: Mack! Mack!
McQueen: Mack! Mack...
McQueen:...wait up! Mack.
McQueen: Mack! Mack!
McQueen: What?You're not Mack.
Peterbilt: Mack?I ain't no Mack!I'm a Peterbilt, for dang sake!
Peterbilt: Turn on your lights, you moron!
McQueen: Mack... The Interstate!
Sheriff: Ahh!. Not in my town, you don't.
McQueen: Oh, no...Oh, maybe he can help me! He's shooting at me! Why is he shooting at me!
Sheriff: I haven't gone this fast in years. I'm gonna blow a gasket or somethin'.
McQueen: Serpentine! Serpentine, serpentine!
Sheriff: What in the blue blazes? Crazy hot rodder.
Filmore: I'm telling you, man, every third blink is slower.
Sarge: The sixties weren't good for you, were they?
McQueen: What? That's not the Interstate! Ahh ho, Auw, auw,auw! Ahhhh! No, no, no, no!
Filmore: I'm not the only seeing this, right?
Sarge: Incoming!
Filmore: Whoa man.
Sarge: No!
Ramone: Hey, you scratch my paint!
McQueen: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Luigi: My tires!
McQueen: Phoah!
Red: Huh!
McQueen: Uargh!
Red: Huh!
Filmore: Fly away, Stanley. Be free!
Sheriff: Boy, you're in a heap of trouble.
Kori Turbowitz: We're live at the Los Angeles International Speedway as the first competitor, Lightning McQueen, is arriving at the track.
Cameramen: Is it true he's gonna pose for Cargirl?
Cameramen: Lightning, what's your strategy? Woahh!
Mack: What? Did I forget to wipe my mud flaps?
News: McQueen's driver arrived in California, but McQueen was missing.
News: Racecar Lightning McQueen was reported missing.
News: He scheduled to race an unprecedented...
News: Sponsor stated they have no idea where he is.
Junior: I hope Lightning's OK. I sure hate to see anything bad happen to him.
Jay Limo: I don't know what's harder to find, Lightning McQueen or a crew chief who'll work for him!
Hummer: Lightning McQueen must be found at all costs!
News: They're all asking the same question: Where is McQueen?
McQueen: Oh, boy. Where am I?
Mater: Mornin', sleepin' beauty!
McQueen: Ahhhhh!!
Mater: Hahaha! Boy, I was wonderin' when you was gonna wake up.
McQueen: Take whatever you want! Just don't hurt me! a parking boot? Why do I have a parking boot on? What's going on here? Please!
Mater: You're funny. I like you already. My name's Mater.
McQueen: Mater.
Mater: Yeah, like "tuh-mater", but without the "tuh". What's your name?
McQueen: You don't know my name?
Mater: Uhh, no, I know your name. Is your name Mater too?
McQueen: What? Look, I need to get to California as fast as possible. Where am I?
Mater: Where are you? Shoot! You're in Radiator Springs. The cutest little town in Carburetor County.
McQueen: Oh, great. Just great!
Mater: Well, if you think that's great, you should see the rest of the town.
McQueen: You know, I'd love to see the rest of the town! So if you could just open the gate, take this boot off, you and me, we go cruisin', check out the local scene...
Mater: Dad-gum!
McQueen: How'd that be, Tuh-Mater?
Mater: Cool
Sheriff: Mater! What did I tell you about talkin' to the accused?
Mater: To not to.
Sheriff: Well, quit yer yappin' and tow this delinquent road hazard to traffic court.
Mater: Well, we'll talk later, Mater. Haha. "Later, Mater." That's funny!
Sheriff: The Radiator Springs Traffic Court will come to order!
Ramone: Hey, you scratched my paint! I ought take a blowtorch to you, man!
Luigi: You broke-a the road! You a very bad car!
Fillmore: Fascist! Commie!
McQueen: Officer, talk to me, babe. How long is this gonna take? I gotta get to California, pronto.
Sheriff: Where's your lawyer?
McQueen: Tuh, I don't know. Tahiti maybe. He's got a timeshare there.
Sheriff: When a defendant has no lawyer, the court will assign one to him. Hey! Anyone want to be his lawyer?
Mater: Shoot, I'll do it, Sheriff!
Sheriff: All rise! The Honorable Doc Hudson presiding.
Luigi: Show-off.
Sheriff: May Doc have mercy on your soul.
Doc Hudson: All right, I wanna know who's responsible for wreckin' my town, Sheriff. I wanna his hood on a platter! I'm gonna put him in jail till he rots! No, check that. I'm gonna put him in jail till the jail rots on top of him, and then I'm gonna move him to a new jail and let that jail rot. I'm... Throw him out of here, Sheriff. I want him out of my courtroom. I want him out of our town! Case dismissed.
McQueen: Yes!
Mater: Boy, I'm purty good at this lawyerin' stuff.
Sally: Sorry I'm late, Your Honor!
McQueen: Holy Porsche! She's gotta be from my attorney's office. Hey, thanks for comin', we're all set. He's letting me go.
Sally: He's letting you go?
McQueen: Yeah, your job's pretty easy today. All you have to do now is stand there and let me look at you. Listen, I'm gonna cut to the chase. Me, you, dinner. Ka-chow!
Sally: What the...? Auww! Please!
McQueen: I know, I get that reaction a lot. I create feelings in others that they themselves don't understand.
Sally: Ohhh, auww!
McQueen: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I scare you?
Mater: Well, a little bit, but I'll be alright.
Sally: OK. I'm gonna go talk to the judge.
McQueen: Do what you gotta do, baby. Oh, but listen. Be careful. Folks around here are not firing on all cylinders, if you know what I mean.
Mater: Ka-ching! Auww!
Sally: I'll keep that in mind. Hey there, Mater.
Mater: Howdy, Sally.
Sally: Hi, folks!
Folks: Good morning! Sally.
McQueen: You know her?
Mater: She's the town attorney and my fiancee.
McQueen: What?
Mater: Nah, I'm just kiddin'. She just like me for my body.
Sally: Doc, you look great this morning. Did you do something different with your side view mirrors?
Doc: What do you want, Sally?
Sally: Ah, come on, make this guy fix the road. The town needs this.
Doc: No. I know his type. Racecar. That's the last thing this town needs.
Sally: OK, I didn't want to have to do this, Doc, but you leave me no choice. Fellow citizens, you're all aware of our town's proud history.
Doc: Here she goes again.
Sally: Radiator Springs, the glorious jewel strung on the necklage of Route 66, the mother road! It is our job and our pleasure to take care of the travelers on our stretch of that road.
Sarge: Travelers? What travelers?
Filmore: Ignore him.
Sally: But how, I ask you, are we to care for those travelers if there is no road for them to drive on? Luigi, what do you have at your store?
Luigi: Tires
Sally: And if no one can get to you?
Luigi: I won't sell any...tires. I will lose everything! Ohho.
Sally: Flo, what do you have at your store?
Flo: I have gas. Lotsa gas!
Sally: OK boys, stay with me. And, and, Flo, what'll happen if no one can come to your station to buy gas?
Flo: I'll go outta business and... we'll have to leave town.
Sally: And what's gonna happen to all of us if Flo leaves town and closes her station?
Folks: Without gas, we're done for!
Lizzie: What?
Sally: So, don't you think the car responsible should fix our road?
Lizzie: The only guy strong enough to fix that road is Big Al!
Ramone: Lizzie, the guy left, like, 15 years ago.
Lizzie: Then why are you bringing him up, you lemon?
Sally: Oh, he can do it. He's got the horsepower. So, what do you want him to do?
Folks: Fix the road!
Sally: Because we are a town worth fixing!
Folks: Yeah!!!
Doc: Order in the court! Seems like my mind has been changed for me.
Folks: Yeah!!
McQueen: No!
Filmore: Nice rulin'.
McQueen: Ohh, I am so not take you to dinner.
Sally: That's OK, Stickers. You can take Bessie.
Mater: Oh man, you got to work with Bessie! I'd give my left two lug nuts for somethin' like that.
McQueen: Bessie? Who's Bessie?
Doc: This here is Bessie, finest road-pavin' machine ever built. I'm hereby sentencing you to community service. You're gonna fix the road under my supervision.
McQueen: What? This place is crazy!
Mater: Hey, I know this may be a bad time right now, but tha, you owe me $32,000 in legal fees.
McQueen: What?
Doc: So we're gonna hitch you up to sweet Bessie, and you're gonna pull her nice.
McQueen: You're gotta be kidding me.
Doc: You start there where the road begins, you finish down there where the road ends.
Mater: Holy shoot!
McQueen: Whoa, whoa, whoa! How long is this gonna take?
Doc: Well, fella does it right, should take him about five days.
McQueen: Five days? But I should be in California schmoozing Dinoco right now!
Doc: Then if I were you, I'd quit yappin and start workin'! Hook him up, Mater.
Mater: Okay-dokey.
McQueen: Freedom!!
Mater: Maybe I should've-a hooked him up to Bessie...and then-a...then took the boot off.
McQueen: Wuuuhuuu! Goodbye, Radiator Springs, and goodbye, Bessie! California, here I come! Yeah! Oh, fell that wind. Yes! No,no,no,no! Outta gas? How can I be outta gas?
Sheriff: Hahaha. Boy, we ain't as dumb as you think we are.
McQueen: But,but,but how did, how did...you...?
Sally: We siphoned your gas while you were passed out. Ka-chow.
McQueen: Auw,auw,auw,auw,auwww!!
Sheriff: Hahaha.
Sheriff: Gentlemen.
Sarge: Sheriff.
Filmore: Hai, Sheriff.
Luigi: Why the tires are here?
Guido: Sono sempre stati qui.
Luigi: They were better well before.
Guido: Stai sempre a parlare.
Luigi: Guido!
Lizzie: Red, can you move over? I want to get look at that sexy hot rod.
Mater: You know, I used to be a purty good whistler. I can't do it now of course, on account of sometimes I get fluid built up in my engine block, but Doc said he's gonna fix it dough. He can fix about anything. That's why we made him the judge. Boy, you shoulda heard me on Giddy-up, Oom Papa Mow Mow. Now, I'm not one to brag, but people come purty far to see me get low on the "Mow-Mow".
McQueen: Ah? Ah, man, that's just great!
Mater: Hey, what's wrong?
McQueen: My lucky sticker's all dirty.
Mater: Thaah, that ain't nothin'. I'll clean it for ya.
McQueen: No,no,no! That wouldn't be necessary. Hey! Hey, big fella! Yeah, you in the red! I could use a little hose down. Help me wash this off. What, where's he goin'?
Mater: Oh, he's still a little bit shy, and he hates you for killin' his flowers.
McQueen: I shouldn't have to put up with this. I'm a precision instrument of speed and aerodynamics.
Mater: You hurt your what?
McQueen: I'm a very famous racecar!
Luigi: You are a famous racecar? A real racecar?
McQueen: Yes, I'm a real racecar. What do you think? Look at me.
Luigi: I have followed racing my entire life of my whole life!
McQueen: Then you know who I am. I'm Lightning McQueen.
Luigi: Lightening McQueen!
McQueen: Yes! Yes!
Luigi: I must scream it to the world! My excitement from the top of someplace very high! Do you know many Ferraris?
McQueen: No,no,no. They race on the European circuit. I'm in the Piston Cup! What?
Luigi: Luigi follow only the Ferraris.
Flo: Is that what I think it is?
Sally: Customers. Customers! Customers, everyone! Customers! OK.
Lizzie: Customers?
Sally: All right, everybody calm down for a long time. Just remember what we rehearsed. Make sure your "Open, please come in" signs are out. And you all know what to do. All right, nobody panics. Here we go!
Minny: Van, I just don't see any on-ramp anywhere.
Van: Minny, I know exactly where we are.
Minny: Yeah, we're in the middle of nowhere.
Van: Honey, please.
Sally: Hello. Welcome to Radiator Springs, gateway to Ornament Valley. Legendary for it's quality service and friendly hospitality. How can we help you?
Van: We don't need anything, thank you very much.
Minny: Whoa, honey ask her direction to the Interstate.
Van: There's no need to ask for directions. Minny, I know exactly where we're going.
Minny: He did the same thing on our trip to Shakopee. You know, we were headed over there for the Crazy Days, and we...
Van: OK,OK. Really. We're just peachy, OK?
Filmore: What you really need is the sweet taste of my homemade, organic fuel.
Van: No, it doesn't agree with my tank.
Minny: We're just trying to find the Interstate.
Sarge: Good to see you, Soldier! Come on by Sarge's Surplus Hut for all your government surplus needs.
Minny: Ohh, honey, surplus!
Van: I think we have too much surplus.
Sally: I do have a map over the Cozy Cone Motel. And if you do stay, we offer a free Lincoln Continental breakfast.
Minny: Honey, she's got a map.
Van: I don't need a map! I have the GPS. Never need a map again, thank you.
Flo: How 'bout somethin' to drink? Stop at Flo's V8 Cafe. Finest fuel on Route 66.
Van: No, we just top off.
Luigi: And if you need tires, stop by Luigi's Casa Della Tires, home of the Leaning Tower of Tires.
Minny: We're just trying to find the Interstate.
Ramone: But you do need a paint job man. Ramone will paint you up right. Hey, anything you want! You know, like a flame job.
Minny: No, thanks...
Ramone: Maybe ghost flames! You like old school pinstripin'? Von Dutch style ha?
Minny: Oh, honey, look. Von Dutch.
Van: Oh, ho, OK, no. Ahahaha. We're gonna be going now, OK? Auww!
Lizzie: A little somethin' to remember us by, OK?
Van: Oh,ha,ha. OK!
Sally: Come back soon, OK? I mean, you know where we are! Tell your friends!
Van: HohohOK! Yes. You bet.
Minny: Thanks again, folks. Bye-bye now.
McQueen: Psst! Psst! Hey! Hey, hey,hey! I know how to get to the Interstate!
Minny: Oh, do ya?
Van: Minny, no.
McQueen: Yeah, yeah,yeah. No, not really. But listen. I'm Lightning McQueen, the famous racecar. I'm being held heren against my will. And I need you to call my team, so they can rescue me, and get me to California in time for me to win The Piston Cup. Do you understand?
McQueen: No,no,no,no,no. No, It's the truth! I'm telling you! You gotta help me! Don't leave me here! I'm in hillbilly hell! My IQ's dropping by the second! I'm becoming one of them!
Sally: OK, don't worry. They know where we are now. They're gonna tell their friends. You'll see.
Radio: And we'll be back for our Hank Williams marathon...
Sally: That's good.
Radio:...after a Piston Cup update. Still no sign of Lightning McQueen. Meanwhile, Chick Hicks arrived in California and today became the first car to spend practice time on the track.
Chick: Yeah, well it's just nice to get out here before the other competitors. You know, get a headstart. Gives me an edge.
Dreaming Song
Chick: Yeah.
Chick: Hey, McQueen... Eat your heart out.
McQueen: Mater, let me get this straight. I can go when this road is done. That's the deal, right?
Mater: That's what they done did said.
McQueen: OK. Outta my way. I got a road to finish.
Mater: He's done!
Doc: Done?
Mater: Ahmhm.
Doc: It's only been an hour.
McQueen: I'm done. Look, I'm finished. Just say thank you, and I'll be on my way. That's all I gotta say.
Mater: Weehoo! I'm the first one on the new road! Ahho! It rides purty smooth.
Sally: It looks awful!
McQueen: Well, it matches the rest of the town.
Sally: Ahh.
Red: Umph, huhuhuh.
Sally: Red. Who do you think you are?
McQueen: Look, Doc said when I finish, I could go. That was the deal.
Doc: The deal was you fix the road, not making it worse. Now, scrape it off! Start over again.
McQueen: Hey, look, grandpa, I'm not a bulldozer. I'm a racecar.
Doc: Hohoho. Is that right? Then why don't we just have a little race? Me and you.
Sally: What?
McQueen: Hohoho. Me and you. Is that a joke?
Doc: If you win, you go and I fix the road. If I win, you do the road my way.
Sheriff: Doc, what're you doin'?
McQueen: Hahaha. I don't mean to be rude here Doc, but you probably go zero to sixty in like what? Three-point-five years?
Doc: Then I reckon you ain't got nothin' to worry about.
McQueen: You know what old timer? That's a wonderful idea. Let's race.
Sheriff: Gentlemen, this will be a one-lap race. You will drive to Willy's Butte, go around Willy's Butte and come back. There will be no bumpin', no cheatin', no spittin', no bittin', no road rage, no maimin', no oil slickin', no pushin', no shovin', no backstabbin', no road-hoggin' and no lollygaggin'.
McQueen: Speed. I'm speed. Float like a Cadillac, sting like a Beemer.
Luigi: OhHohohoo. My friend Guido, he dream to give a real racecar a pit stop.
Guido: Pit stop.
McQueen: Aa, haha. The race is only one lap, guys. Uno lappo! Don't need any help. I work solo mio.
Luigi: Fine. Race your way.
McQueen: No pit stoppo. Comprendo?
Guido: OK.
Sheriff: Gentlemen. Start your engines!
Ramone: Hijole! Check that out!
Filmore: Whoa.
Flo: Emm, emm.
Sally: Great idea, Doc. Now the road will never get done.
Sheriff: Luigi.
Luigi: Hohoho. On your mark, get set. Uno for the money, due for the show, tre to get ready, and quattro to... I can't belive it. Go!! Hahaha.
Doc: Yehaa! Hahaha!
Sally: Yeah.
Luigi: Huh? Doc, the flag means go. Remember the flag. Here we go. Go.
Ramone: Uhh, Doc, what are you doing, man?
Doc: Oh, dear. It would seem I'm off to a poor start. Well, better late than never. Come on, Mater. Might need a little help.
Mater: Ahh, OK.
Doc: You got your tow cable?
Mater: Well, yeah. I always got my tow cable. Why?
Doc: Ohh, just in case.
McQueen: Ahh,auw,auw,auw,no,no,no,no,no!
Ramone: Oh, man! Auww!!
Filmore: Whoa. Bad trip, man.
Doc: Hey! Was that floatin' like a Cadillac, or was that stingin' like a Beemer? I'm confused.
Mater: Eh,eh,eh.
Doc: You drive like you fix roads. Lousy! Have fun fishin', Mater
McQueen: Ahhh!
Mater: I'm startin' to think he knowed you was gonna crash!
McQueen: Thank you, Mater. Thank you.
McQueen: I can make a little turn on dirt. You think? No. And now I'm a day behind. I'm never gonna get outta here!
Ramone: Hey, ese! You need a new paint job, man!
McQueen: No, thank you.
Filmore: How 'bout some organic fuel?
Sarge: That freak juice?
McQueen: Pass.
Flo: Whooh, watchin' him workin' is makin' me thirsty. Anybody else want somethin' to drink?
Mater: Nah, not me, Flo. I'm on one of them there special diets. I'm a precisional instrument of speed and aero-matics.
McQueen: "You race like you fix roads." I'll show him. I will show him!
McQueen: Great! I hate it! Hate, hate, hate, hate it!!
Doc: Haha. Music. Sweet music.
Sally: Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
McQueen: Radiator Springs, a happy place.
Bessie: Peckkk.
McQueen: Whoa, OK, Bessie you think that funny? Great! I'm talking to Bessie now! I'm talkin to Bessie!!
Mater: Hahaha.
Sally: Wow.
Mater: Mornin', Sally! Hey, look at this here fancy new road that Lightnin' McQueen done just made!
Sally: Yes! Amazing!
Ramone: Yeah!
Flo: Ohh, Ramone, Mama ain't seen you that low in years.
Ramone: I haven't seen a road like this in years.
Flo: Well, then let's cruise, baby.
Ramone: Low and slow.
Luigi: E Bellissima! It's beautiful! Guido, look, it's a like it was paved by angels. Ohhh.
Mater: Oh, I tell you what. I bet even the roads on the moon ain't this smooth.
Sally: Doc, look at this. Shoulda tossed him into the cactus a lot sooner, huh?
Doc: Well, he ain't finished yet. Still got a long way to go.
Luigi: Guido, look at Luigi! Hahaha. This is fantastico!
Sally: That looks like fun! Mater, I got dibs, next turn!
Lizzie: Hey, Luigi, this new road makes your place look like a dump.
Luigi: Ahhh, that crazy old devil woman. Ohh, ohh. She's right!
Sally: Ohh, ahh!
Luigi: Guido!
Doc: That punk actually did a good jab. Well, now... where the hack is he?
Doc: Sheriff! Is he makin' another run for it?
Sheriff: No,no. He ran outta asphalt in the middle of the night, asked me if he could come down here. All he's tryin' to do is make that there turn.
McQueen: No,no,no,no! Ohh, great. Perfect turns on every track I've ever raced on.
Doc: Sheriff, why don't you go get yourself a quart of oil at Flo's.
Doc: I'll keep an eye on him.
Sheriff: Well, thanks, Doc. I've been feelin' a quart low.
McQueen: Ahhhhh! Phuahh, thahh!
Doc: This ain't asphalt, son. This is dirt.
McQueen: Oh, great. What do you want? You hear to gloat?
Doc: You don't have three-wheel brakes, so you got to pitch it hard, break it loose and then just drive it with the throttle. Give it too much, you'll be outta the dirt and into the tulips.
McQueen: So you're a judge, a doctor and a racing expert.
Doc: I'll put it simple. If you goin' hard enough left, you'll find yourself turnin' right.
McQueen: Ooo, right. That makes perfect sense. Turn right to go left. Yes! Thank you! Or should I say,"No thank you"? Because in Opposite World, maybe that really means, "Thank you"! Tuh, crazy grandpa car. What an idiot!
Doc: Ahhh.
McQueen: Turn right to go left. Oh. Whoa, auwwww. Oh, that... AUUUUUWWWWWW!!!
McQueen: Turn right to go left. Guess what. I tried it. You know what? This crazy thing happened... I went right!
Lizzie: You keep talkin' to yourself, people'll think you crazy.
McQueen: Thanks for the tip.
Lizzie: What? I wasn't talkin' to you.
Sally: Oh, Guido, e bellissimo!
Guido: Che cosa?
Sally: It looks great! This is great!
Guido: Ti piace, eh? Si, si, bellissimo.
Mater: Ummmph. Oh, lord. Hehehe.
Sheriff: Mater! I need you to watch the prisoner tonight.
Mater: Well, dad-gum! Wait a minute, what if he tries to run again?
Sheriff: Just let him run outta gas and tow him on back. But keep an eye on him.
Mater: Yes, sir!
McQueen: While I'm stuck here paving this stinkin' road, Chick's in California schmoozing Dinoco. My Dinoco. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who's touching me?
Luigi: You have a slow leak. Guido, he fix. You make a such a nice new road. You come to my shop. Luigi take a good care of you. Eventhough you not a Ferrari. You buy four tires, I give you a full size spare absolutely free!
McQueen: Look, I get all my tires for free.
Luigi: Hohoho.. I like your style, eh? You drive the hard bargain. OK. Luigi make you a new deal. You buy one tire, I give you three for free!
Flo: Aaa... Would you look at that? Ramone, Ramone!
Ramone: Hm,hm,hm.
Luigi: Then Luigi make you a new deal
McQueen: No,no,no,no. Deal me out. Pass. No, thank you.
Luigi: No,no,no,no,no. This is it. My last offer. You buy one tire, I give you seven-a snow tire for all free! Done. You interested, you call me. You know where I am.
McQueen: Fuuuhhh. Ahhhh. Stop! Let me...Tuhh, puahh!!
sally: Oh, Red, you missed a spot. See it right there? On the hood right there.
McQueen: No, no! Noooo!! Stop, stop! That cold!! Help! Please! Stop!
Sally: Thanks, Red.
McQueen: What was that for?
Sally: Do you want to stay at the Cozy Cone or what?
McQueen: Huh?
Sally: And if you do, you gotta be clean. 'Cause even here in hillibilly hell we have standards.
McQueen: What,I...? I don't get it.
Sally: Nothing I just thought I'd say thank you for doin' a great job. So I thought I'd let you stay with me. I mean, not with me! But there. Not with me there, but there in your own Cozy Cone. And I'd be in my cone, and it's...
McQueen: Wait. Wait, you're being nice to me.
Sally: I mean if you want to stay at the dirty impound, thats, thats fine. You know, I understand you criminal types.
McQueen: No,no,no,no. That's OK. Yeah, the Cozy Cone.
Sally: Ehhh. It's newly refurbished
McQueen: Haha. Yeah, it's like a clever little twist the motel's made out of caution cones, which, of course, cars usually try to avoid, now we're gonna stay in them. Haha. That's funny.
Sally: Figure that all out on your own, did you? Cone number one, if you want.
McQueen: Auuhhh.
McQueen: Hey, do I spy a little pinstriping tattoo back there?
Sally: Auuww. Haha. That's just a... Ahhahaha. Auuww. You saw that? Yeah! Just gonna be going. Gonna...Yeah.
Mater: You know, I once knew this girl Doreen. Good-lookin' girl. Looked just like a Jaguar, only she was a truck! You know, I used to crash into her, just so I could spoke to her.
McQueen: What are you talking about?
Mater: I don't know. Hey, I know somethin' we can do tonight, 'cause I'm in charge of watchin' you!
McQueen: No, Mater, I gotta finish this road, and I have to get out of here.
Mater: Well, that's all right, Mr. I Can't Turn On Dirt. You probably couldn't handle it anyway.
McQueen: Whoa, whoa, easy now, Mater. You know who you're talkin' to? This is Lightning McQueen. I can handle anything.
McQueen: Mater, I'm not doin' this.
Mater: Oh, come on, you'll love it. Hehehe. Tractor-tippin's fun.
McQueen: This is ridiculous.
Mater: All right, listen. When I say go, we go. But don't let Frank catch ya. Go!
McQueen: Whoa! Wait! Who, who's Frank? Mater. Wait, Mater!
Mater: OK, here's what you do. You just sneak up in front of 'em, and then honk. And they do the rest. Watch this.
Mater: Hahahaha. I swear, tractors is so dumb! I tell you what, buddy, you don't get much better than this.
McQueen: Yep, you're livin' the dream, Mater boy.
Mater: I don't care who you are, that's funny right there. Oh, you turn, bud.
McQueen: Mater, I can't. I don't even have a horn.
Mater: Baby.
McQueen: I'm not a baby.
Mater: Puuuck, puck, puck.
McQueen: Fine. Stop! stop, OK? All right. I'll do something.
Mater & McQueen: Hahahahaha!!!
Mater: That's Frank.
McQueen: Ahhhh!!
Mater: Run, hahaha , run!!!
Mater: Run! He's gonna get ya! Hahaha!!
Sally: Customers!
Mater: Tomorrow night we can go look for the ghostlight!
McQueen: I can't wait, Mater.
Mater: Oh, yeah, I'm tellin' ya! Oh, boy, you gotta admit that was funnn unn!
McQueen: Oh, yeah...yeah.
Mater: Well, we better get you back to the impound lot.
McQueen: You know, actually, Sally's gonna let me stay at the motel.
Mater: Aaaa... Gettin' cozy at the Cone, is we?
McQueen: Oh, come...No. No, are you kidding? Besides, she can't stand me. And I don't like her, to be honest.
Mater: Yeah, you probably right. Hey, look, there's Miss Sally!
McQueen: Where, where?
Mater: Hahaha. You're in love with Miss Sally.
McQueen: No, I'm not.
Mater: Yes, you do.
McQueen: No way.
Mater: Way.
McQueen: Come on, look
Mater: You're in love with Miss Sally(2X)
McQueen: OK, that's real mature Mater, real grown up.
Mater: You love her (7X)
McQueen: Wait...All right. OK. Mater, Mater, Mater, no. Will you stop that?
Mater: Stop what?
McQueen: That's driving backwards stuff. It's creeping me out. You're gonna wreck on somethin'.
Mater: Wreck? Shoot! I'm the world's best backwards driver! You just watch this right here, lover boy.
McQueen: What are you doing? Watch out! Look out! Mater? Mater! Mater!
McQueen: Hey take it easy, Mater!
Mater: Waaaaaaa! Ha,ha,ha! Hee,hee.
McQueen: Hahaha. He's nuts.
Mater: No need to watch where I'm goin'. Just need to know where I've been.
McQueen: Whoa, that was incredible! How'd you do that?
Mater: Rearview mirrors. We'll get you some, and I'll teach you if you want.
McQueen: Yeah, maybe I'll use it in my big race.
Mater: What's so important about this race of yours, anyway?
McQueen: It's not just a race. We're talking about the Piston Cup! I've been dreaming about it my whole life! I'll be the first rookie in history ever to win it. And when I do, we're talkin' big new sponsor, with private helicopters. No more medicated bumper ointment. No more rusty old cars.
Mater: What's wrong with rusty old cars?
McQueen: Well, I don't mean you, Mater. I mean other old cars. You know? Not like you. I like you.
Mater: Nahhh, it's OK, buddy. Hey, you think maybe one day I can get a ride in one of them helicopters? I mean, I've always wanted to ride in one of them fancy helicopters.
McQueen: Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure.
Mater: You mean it?
McQueen: Oh, yeah. Anything you say.
Mater: I knew it. I knowed I made a good choice!
McQueen: In what?
Mater: My best friend.
Mater: See you tomorrow, buddy! McQueen and Sally parked beneath a tree, K-I-S somethin'-somethin'-somethin'-t!!
McQueen: Hahaha! Whoa, whoa. Haha.
McQueen: Number one. Number one...Ahhh...Number one!
McQueen: Ahh, this is nice.
Sally: Hey, Stickers.
McQueen & Sally: Huh!!
Sally: I'm sorry.
McQueen: Wohho!! You scared me. You gotta be careful.
Sally: I scared myself scaring you scaring me.
McQueen: I mean, I wasn't like "scared" scared.
Sally: No, of course not. Not.
McQueen: I was more...
Sally: Just I overheard you talkin' to Mater.
McQueen: When? Just, just now? What, what did, what did you hear?
Sally: Oh, just something about a helicopter ride.
McQueen: Oh, yeah. Yeah, he got a kick out of that, didn't he?
Sally: Did you mean it?
McQueen: What?
Sally: That you'll get him a ride.
McQueen: Oh, who knows? I mean first things first. I gotta get outta here and make the race.
Sally: Ah, hah. You know...Mater trusts you.
McQueen: Yeah, OK.
Sally: Did you mean that?
McQueen: What?
Sally: Was it just a "Yeah, OK", or "Yeah...OK" or"Yea-yeah, OK"
McQueen: Look, I'm exhausted. It's kinda been a long day.
Sally: Yeah, OK. G'night.
McQueen: Oh ah. Hey, thank you.
Sally: What did you just say?
McQueen: You know, thanks for lettin' me stay here. It's nice to be out of the impund, and this is... It's great. Newly refurbished, right?
Sally: Yeah.
McQueen: Good night.
Sally: Good night.
Sally: Huhh.
Sarge: Will you turn that disrespectful junk off?
Filmore: Respect the classics, man. It's Hendrix!
McQueen: Ahh...huh...please...huh...
Dreaming Song
McQueen: No!!
Frank: Uarghhh!!
McQueen: Noooo!!! I gotta get outta here!
McQueen: Hey, have you seen the Sheriff? Oh! Oh, my gosh. Oh!
Doc: Hey, what are you doin'?
Sheriff: Get a good peak, city boy?
McQueen: I,a..a..I just need my daily gas ration from the Sheriff.
Doc: Wait for him at Flo's. Now get outta here.
McQueen: I've been trying to get outta here for three days!
Sheriff: Hope you enjoyed the show!
McQueen: Whoaho, Doc. Time to clean out the garage, buddy, come on.
McQueen: What? He has a Piston Cup?
McQueen: Oh, my gosh. Three Piston Cup?
Doc: Sign says stay out.
McQueen: You, you have three Piston Cups. How could you have...
Doc: I knew you couldn't drive. I didn't know you couldn't read.
McQueen: You're the Hudson Hornet!
Doc: Wait over at Flo's, like I told ya!
McQueen: Of course. I can't belive I didn't see it before. You're The Fabulous Hudson Hornet! You still to hold the record for most wins in single season. Oh, we gotta talk. You gotta show me your tricks. Please.
Doc: I already tried that.
McQueen: And you won the championship three times! Look at those trophies!
Doc: You look. All I see is a bunch of empty cups.
Filmore: You know, some automotive yoga could really lower your RPM's, man.
Sarge: Oh, take a car wash, hippie.
Flo: Yeah, look at my husband, y'all. Hooo...That's your color!
Ramone: Yellow, baby. Hahaha.
Flo: Mmm! You smokin' hot!
Sheriff: There he is!
McQueen: Oh, my gosh! Did you know Doc is a famous racecar?
Folks: Hahahaha!
Sheriff: Doc? Our Doc?
Sarge: Not Doc Hudson.
McQueen: No,no,no,no, it's true! He's a real racing legend. He's The Fabulous Hudson Hornet!
Flo: Fabulous? I never seen Doc drive more than 20 miles an hour. I mean, have you ever seen him race?
McQueen: No, but I wish I could have of. They say he was amazing! He wins three Piston Cups.
Mater: Phooah!! He did what in his cup?
Sheriff: I think the heat's startin' to get to the boy!
Lizzie: Well, I'll say! Look how red he is!
Ramone: Yeah, I think he needs a new coat of poly, man.
Mater: Are you sick, buddy?
Sheriff: You are lookin' a little peaked.
Ramone: Yeah, he needs a new coat of poly for sure!
Sheriff: Hey, hey! What are you doin'?
Sally: It's OK, Sheriff. You can trust me, right?
Sheriff: I trust you, all right. It's him I'm worried about.
Sally: Mmm... I trust him. Come on, let's take a drive.
McQueen: A drive?
Sally: Yeah, a drive. Don't you big city racecars ever just take a drive?
McQueen: Ahhh...No. No, we don't.
Sally: Hey, Stickers! Do you comin' or what?
Flo: Ahmm. And you thought he was gonna run.
Ramone: Hey, can you believe it, man? He actually thought Doc was a famous racecar! Hahaha... That's so too much!!
McQueen: OK, you got me out here. Where are we goin'?
Sally: I don't know.
McQueen: Whoa! Yes.
Sally: Hahaha.
McQueen: Whoa! Hahaha. Uahh!!
Sally: Hahaha.
McQueen: Thahhh!
Sally: Ah.. hahaha!
Sally: Ah.. hahaha!
McQueen: Hahaha! Thuhhh!!Thuhh!!
McQueen: Wow! What is this place?
Sally: Wheel Well. Used to be the most popular stop on the mother road.
McQueen: This place?
Sally: Yeah, imagine...Oh, imagine what it must have been like to stay here.
McQueen: You know, I don't get you. How does a Porsche wind up in a place like this?
Sally: Well, it's really pretty simple. I was...an attorney in LA livin' life in the fast lane, and.
McQueen: Oh, you were, were you? Were you rich?
Sally: What?
McQueen: Just...clues to the puzzle.
Sally: Yeah, OK. Well, that was my life. And you know what? It never felt...happy.
McQueen: Yeah. I mean...really?
Sally: Yeah. So I left California. Just drove and drove and finally broke down right here. Doc fixed me up, Flo took me in. Well, they all did. And I never left.
McQueen: Yeah. You know, I understand. You need a little R & R. Recharge and old batteries. But you know, after a while, why didn't you go back?
Sally: I fell in love.
McQueen: Ohh.
Sally: Yep.
McQueen: Corvette?
Sally: No.
Sally: I fell in love with this.
McQueen: Whoa. Look at that. Look, they're drivin' right by. They don't even know what they're missing!
Sally: Well, it didn't used to be that way.
McQueen: Oh, yeah?
Sally: Yeah. Forty years ago, that Interstate down there didn't exist.
McQueen: Really?
sally: Yeah. Back then, cars came across the country a whole different way.
McQueen: How do you mean?
Sally: Well, the road didn't cut through land like that Interstate. It moved with the land, you know? It rose, it fell, it curved.
Folk: Mornin'!
Folk: Nice day, huh?
Sally: Cars didn't drive on it to make a great time. They drove on it to have a great time.
Song
McQueen: Well, what happened?
Sally: The town got bypassed just to save ten minutes of driving.
Song
McQueen: How great would it have been to see this place in its heyday!
Sally: Ohh...I can't tell you how many times I've dreamed of that. But one of these days, we'll find a way to get it back on the map.
McQueen: Yeah. Hey, listen, thanks for the drive. I had a great time. It's kinda nice to slow down every once in a while.
Sally: You're welcome.
Mater: Hey, listen, listen! If anybody asks you, we was out smashin' mailboxes, OK?
McQueen: Wha... What?
Ramone: Oh, man, the paint's still wet!
Luigi: No,no,no,no! Get out of the store! Hey! Don't eat the radial! Here, take-a the snow tires.
Sheriff: Mater!
Mater: I wasn't tractor-tippin'!
Sheriff: Then where did all these gol-durn tractors come from?
Mater: Whoa, boy! Whoa!
McQueen: Hahaha. Hey! Hey guys. There's one goin' this way. I got it.
McQueen: Come here, little tractor, come here. Yeah, that's a good tractor. No,no,no,no, come here. What are you doing? You're not supposed to go wandering off all...alone.
McQueen: What are you doin' with those old racin' tires?
Doc: Huuhhh.
McQueen: Come on, Doc, drive.
Doc: Ahhhh. Yeah.
McQueen: Wow! You're amazing! What are you doin'? Doc, wait!
Mater: Giddup right in there! Come on, Rusty. Weee...heyy!
McQueen: Doc, hold it! Seriously, your driving's incredible!
Doc: Wonderful. Now, go away.
McQueen: Hey, I mean it. You've still got it!
Doc: I'm askin' you to leave.
McQueen: Come on. I'm a racecar, you're... a much older racecar, but under the hood you and I are the same.
Doc: We are not the same! Understand? Now, get out.
McQueen: How could a car like you quit at the top of your game?
Doc: You think I quit?
McQueen: Right. Your big wreck in '54.
Doc: They quit on me. When I finally got put together, I went back expecting a big welcome. You know what they said? "You're history". Moved right on to the next rookie standing in line. There was a lot left in me. I never got chance to show 'em. I keep that, to remind me never to go back. I just never expected that that world would...would find me here.
McQueen: Hey, look, Doc, I'm not them.
Doc: Oh, yeah?
McQueen: No, I'm not.
Doc: When is the last time you cared about something except yourself, hot rod? You name me one time. And I will take it all back. Ahhuh? I didn't think so. These are good folk around here, who care about one another. I don't want 'em depending on someone they can't count on.
McQueen: Oh, like you? You've been here how long and your friends don't even know who you are? Who's caring about only himself?
Doc: Just finish that road and get outta here!
sarge: Will you turn that disrespectful junk off?
Filmore: Respect the classics, man.
Mater: He's done. He must've finished it while we was all sleepin'.
Doc: Good riddance.
Flo: He's gone?
Sarge: Well, we wouldn't want him to miss that race of his.
Sheriff: Hisk...hisk.
Ramone: Oh, dude, are you crying?
Sheriff: No! I'm happy! I don't have to watch him every second of the day anymore! I'm glad he's gone!
Red: Hahaha.
McQueen: What's wrong with Red?
Mater: Oh, he's just sad 'cause you left town, and went to your big race to win the Piston Cup that you've always dreamed about your whole life and get that big ol' sponsor and that fancy helicopter you was talkin' about.
Mater: Huuhh! Wait a minute!
Folks: Hahaha.
Mater: I knowed you wouldn't leave without saying goodbye.
McQueen: Hahaha.
Sheriff: What are you doin' here, son? You're gonna miss your race. Don't worry. I'll give you a police escort, and we'll make up the time.
McQueen: Thank you, Sheriff. But you know I can't go just yet.
Sheriff: Well, why not?
McQueen: I'm not sure these tires...can get me all the way to California. Yeah, does anybody know what time Luigi's opens?
Luigi: Ah..haha! I can't-a believe it!
Luigi: Four new tires! Grazien, Mr. Lightning. Grazien!
Flo: Would you look at that!
Luigi: Our first real customers in years! I am filled with tears of ecstacy, for this is the most glorious day of my life!
McQueen: All right, Luigi, give me the best set of blackwalls you've got.
Luigi: No,no,no,no! You don't-a know what you want. Luigi know what you want. Blackwall tires. They blend into the pavement. But-a this...white-wall tires! They say, "Look at me! Here I am! Love me."
McQueen: All right, you're the expert.
Luigi: Eh, hehehee!
McQueen: Oh, and don't forget the spare.
Luigi: Perfetto. Guido!
Guido: Peet stop!
Song
Luigi: Hahaha! What did Luigi tell you, aey?
McQueen: Wow, you were right. Better than a Ferrari, huh?
Luigi: Aaa, No.
McQueen: Wow! This organic fuel is great! Why haven't I heard about it before?
Filmore: It's a conspiracy, man! The oil companies got a grip on the government! They're feedin' us a bunch of lies, man.
McQueen: OK, I'll take a case.
Ramone: Ahh.. Yeah. Ka-chow.
Mater: Here she comes!
McQueen: Places, everybody. Hurry! Act natural.
Folks: Hi, Sally.
Sally: All right, what's goin' on?
Mater: Ladies and gentlecars, please welcome the neeewww Lightning McQueen!
McQueen: What do you think? Radiator Springs looks pretty good on me.
Sally: I'll say. Rrr. Ka-chow. You're gonna fit right in in California. Oh my goodness. It looks like you've helped everybody in town.
McQueen: Yeah, everybody except one. Hey, is it getting dark out?
Lizzie: What? What'd he say?
McQueen: Let me say that again. Is it getting dark out?
Lizzie: Now, what was I supposed to do after that?
Song
Sally: They fixed their neon.
Flo: Low and slow?
Ramone: Oh, yeah, baby!
McQueen: Just like in its heyday, right?
Sally: It's even better than I pictured it. Thank you.
McQueen: Shall we cruise?
Lizzie: Oh, thank you, dear. I'd love to!
McQueen: No,no,no.
Sally: Lizzie!
Lizzie: I remember when Stanley first asked me to take a drive with him.
Mater: Hey, Miss sally. May I have this cruise?
Sally: Of course, Mater.
Sheriff: A,a,ah!
Lizzie: ...and again and I said, "No," and he asked me again, and I said, "No." But, oh, he was a persistent little burger for a two-cylinder. Finally I said, "All right, one little drive."
Mater: Hahaha.
McQueen: Hey!
Sally: Thanks, Mater.
Mater: Good evenin', you two.
Lizzie: Oh, Stanley, I wish you could see this.
Flo: Is that what I think it is?
Sally: Oh, I don't know, Flo. I haven't had a chance to find out. But I am going to find out. Hello.
Flo: Not that. That.
Sally: Huh. Customers?
Flo: Customers, everybody! And a lot of 'em! You know what to do. Just like we rehearsed.
Mater: It's the ghostlight!
Helicopter: We have found McQueen. We have found McQueen!
Cameramen: McQueen, over here!
McQueen: Aaa, wait, excuse me.
Cameramen: Is it true you've been in rehab?
Cameramen: Did you have a nervous breakdown, McQueen.
McQueen: I'm sorry, what?
Cameramen: McQueen's wearing whitewalls!
Cameramen: Are the tires you wearing are turning balding?
Sally: Stickers, McQueen!
Cameramen: Was Lightning McQueen your prisoner?
Mater: Shoot, no! We're best buds! I ain't braggin' or nothin', but I was in charge of huntin' him down if he tried to escape.
McQueen: Sally, Sally!
Kori: McQueen! Will you still race for the Piston Cup?
Sally: Stickers?
McQueen: Sally!
Cameramen: Come on, give us some bolt!
Mack: You're here! Thank the manufacturer! You're alive!
McQueen: Mack?
Mack: You're here! I can't belive it! Oh, hoho. You are a sight for some headlights! I'm so sorry I lost you, boss. I'll make it up to you!
McQueen: Mack, I, I can't belive you're here.
Harv: Is that the world's fastest racing machine?
McQueen: Is that Harv?
Mack: Yeah. He's in the back.
Cameramen: Show us the bolt, McQueen!
Mack: Get back, you oil-thirsty parasites!
Cameramen: Hey, where's the old McQueen?
Mack: Actually, this is my good side here.
Cameramen: Show us the bolt!
McQueen: Harv! Harv!
Cameramen: Give us the bolt!
McQueen: Harv?
Cameramen: Come on!
Harv: Kid, I'm over here!
McQueen: How you doin', buddy?
Harv: My star client disappears off the face of the earth! How do you think I'm doing?
McQueen: Harv, I can explain.
Harv: I'm doing great! You're everywhere, baby! Radio, TV, the papers! You can't buy this kind of publicity! What do you need me for? That's just a figure of speech, by the way. You signed a contract. Where are you? I can't even find you on my GPS.
McQueen: I'm in this little town called Radiator Springs. You know Route 66? It's still here!
Harv: Yeah, that's great, kid. Playtime is over, pal. While the world's been trying to find you, Dinoco has had no one to woo. Who are they gonna woo?
McQueen: Chick!
Harv: Bingo. In fact, check out what's on the plasma right now.
Cameramen: Show us the thunder!
Chick: You want thunder? You want thunder? Ka-chicka, ka-chicka! Ka-chicka!
McQueen: Hey, that's my bit!
Harv: You've gotta get to Cali, pronto! Just get out of Radiation Stinks now, or Dinoco is history, you hear me?
McQueen: Just give me a second here, Harv.
Harv: No,no,no, wait. Where are goin'. Get in the trailer, baby. Kid! You want, you want a bigger trailer?
McQueen: Sally, I...I want you to... Look, I wish...Ahhhh.
Sally: Thank you. Thanks for everything.
McQueen: Ah. Haha. It just a road.
Sally: No. It was much more than that.
Mack: Hey, kid! We gotta go. Harv's goin' crazy! He's gonna have me fired if I don't get you in the truck right now!
McQueen: Mack, just... hold it for...
Sally: You should go.
McQueen: I know, but...
Sally: Good luck in California. I hope you find what you're looking for.
Cameramen: McQueen, come on!
McQueen: Sally!
Cameramen: Show us the bolt, McQueen! The bolt! Hey, Lightning, show us the bolt!
Cameramen: Where's the old McQueen?
Harv: Come on, get in the trailer. That's it. That's right kid, let's go! You're a big shining star. You're a superstar. You don't belong there, anyway.
McQueen: Whoa... Wait...Whoa,whoa,wait,wait!
Cameramen: Hey, guys! McQueen's leavin' in the truck!
Kori: Hey, are you Doc Hudson?
Doc: Yeah.
Kori: Thanks for the call.
Sally: You called them?
Doc: It's best for everyone, Sally.
Sally: Best for everyone, or best for you?
Mater: I didn't get to say goodbye to him.
Bob: Hello, race fans, and welcome to what has become, quite simply, the biggest event in the history of racing. A three way battle for the Piston Cup!
Darrell: There's a crowd of nearly 200,000 cars here at the Los Angeles International Speedway. Tickets to this race are hotter than a black leather seat on a hot summer day!
Bob: The King, Chick Hicks and Lightning McQueen in a 200 laps, winner-takes-all, tiebreaker race.
Darrell: You know I got a lotta miles on me, but let me tell you somethin' buddy. I never thought I'd see anything like this. Wow! Man. This is exciting!
Bob: In fact, the country has almost shut down, to watch what many experts are calling "the race of the century."
Junior: Hey, King! Good luck in your last race. You've sure been an inspiration to me.
The King: Thanks, Junior. Appreciate it.
Dear: Hey, be careful out there, OK?
The King: Yeah, mam.
Mia: He's hot.
Chick: Wanna know the forecast? I'll give you the forecast. A 100 percent chance of thunder! Ka-chicka! Ka-chicka! Say it with me! Ka-chicka! Ka-chicka!
Security: Hey, you! No admittance without a garage pass.
Fred: Oh, it's OK. Lightning McQueen knows me!
Andretti: Hey, Marco, it's a beautiful day for a race, isn't it?
Security: Absolutely, Mr. Andretti.
Andretti: And good morning to you, Fred.
Fred: Mario Andretti he knows my name! You gotta let me in now!
Security: Sorry, pal.
McQueen: OK, here we go. Focus. Speed. I am speed. Victory, one winner, two losers. Speed. Speed. Speed. Speed...
Mack: Hey, Lightnin'! You ready?
McQueen: Yeah, yeah, yeah! I'm...I'm ready.
McQueen: Mack, thanks for being my pit crew today.
Mack: Nahh. Don't worry about it, kid. It's the least I could do. After all, "Gas Can" is my middle name.
McQueen: It is?
Mack: Nahh, not really.
Small aeroplane: A. O.
TV Crew: Nelson! Zoom in. Ready, 16? Take 16.
Bob: And there he is, Lightning McQueen! Missing all week, and then he turns up in the middle of nowhere! In a little town called Radiator Springs.
Darrell: Wearin' whitewall tires, of all things.
Chick: Ka-chicka! Ka-chicka! Ka-chicka! Hahaha. Hey, where you been? I've been kinda lonely. Nobody to hang out with. I mean, except the Dinoco folks. Ohhh and the twins. Of course. You know the twins the one that used to be your fans, but now they're my fans. Anyway, listen to what the twins think...
McQueen: Ahh. Shoot!
Fans: Boogity, boogity, boogity, boys! Let's go racin'!
Dear: Come on, you can do it!
Tex: Come on kid, make us proud, boy!
Bob: Fifty laps down, and The King is still holding a slim lead.
Darrell: Hey, McQueen's got a run on him! He's lookin' to the inside! Ohh! Chick slammed the door on him!
Bob: Chick's not making it easy on him today.
Darrell: Oh, man, he lost so much momentum, and now he's gonna have to chase him back down!
Bob: Ohhh, McQueen spins out in the infield!
Chick: Hahaha! Just me and the old man, fellas. McQueen just doesn't have it today.
Mack: Hey, kid, are you all right?
McQueen: I don't know, Mack. I..I... I don't think I...
Doc: I didn't come all this way to see you quit.
McQueen: Doc?
Guys: Yey.. Hahaha.
McQueen: Guys, you're here! I can't believe this!
Doc: I knew you needed a crew chief, but I didn't know it was this bad.
McQueen: I thought you said you'd never come back.
Doc: Well, I really didn't have a choice. Mater didn't get to say goodbye.
Mater: Goodbye!! Okay, I'm good.
McQueen: Hahaha!
Doc: All right, if you can drive as good as you fix a road, then you can win this race with you eyes shut. Now, get back out there! Hot snot, we are back in business! Guido! Luigi! You're goin' up against professional pit crews boys, you're gonna have to be fast.
Luigi: They will not know what bit them!
Doc: Kid, you can beat these guys. Find a groove that works for you and get that lap back.
Chick's Crew: Is that?
Chick's Crew: Oh, wow. That's him!
TV Crew: Is that...? That's the Hudson Hornet! Bob, Darrell! The Hudson Hornet's back!
Bob: Darrell, it appears McQueen has got himself a pit crew. And look who he has for a crew chief!
Fans: Wow... Look, man. It's the Hudson Hornet!
Biggest fan: Whoa!!
Fans: Well, dip me in axle grease and call me Slick! It surely is.
Biggest fan: Hahahahaha!
Bob: Wow, this is history in the making. Nobody has seen the racing legend in over 50 years!
Lizzie: Hey, Doc! Come look at the fellow on the radio. He looks just like you.
Bob: McQueen passes them on the inside!
Darrell: But he's still nearly a lap fail.
Bob: Can he catch up to them with only 60 laps to go?
Doc: You're goin' great, kid. Just keep your head on.
Guido: Vai! Vai! Vai,vai!
Chick's crew: Hey, shrimpie, where did McQueen find you, huh? Those round things are called tires, and they go under the car!
All Chick's Crew: Hahahahaha!!!
Guido: Con chi credi di parlare? Ma, con chi stai parlando?
Luigi: No! No, no! You'll have your chance. You will have your chance.
Chick: Oh, kid's just tryin' to be a hero, huh? Well, what do you think of this? Yeah, that's it kid. Whats??
Mater: Whoa! Git-R-done! Hahaha! I taught him that. Ka-chow!
Chick Crew: Auuww!
Bob: What a move by McQueen! He's caught up to the leaders.
Darrell: Oh, yeah. This is what it's all about. A three-way battle for the lead, with ten to go.
Tex: Hahaha! Look at that boy go out there!
Chick: No, you don't.
McQueen: Doc, I'm flat! I'm flat!
Doc: Can you get back to the pits?
McQueen: Yeah, yeah. I think so.
Doc: Hey, got a yellow. Bring it in. Don't tear yourself up, kid.
Mack: We gotta get him back out there fast or we're gonna be a lap down, and we'll never win this race!
Doc: Guido! It's time.
Chick Crew: Hey, tiny, you gonna clean his windshield? Hahaha!
Darrell: I don't believe it!
Bob: That was the fastest pit stop I've ever seen!
Darrell: It was a great stop, but he's still gotta beat that pace car out!
Bob: It's gonna be close.
Mater: Yeah!!
Biggest Fan: Yeah, baby!!
Fans: Yeah... Hahaha!
Darrell: Yeah!! He's back in the race!
Guido: Peet stop.
Luigi: Guido, you did it!
Mater: Way to go, Guido!
Ramone: Yeah!!
Bob: This is it. We're heading into the final lap and McQueen is right behind the leaders. What a comeback!
Darrell: A hundred and ninety-nine laps, and, baby, it all comes down to this!
Doc: This is it, kiddo. You've got four turns left. One at a time. Drive it in deep and hope it sticks. Go!
Chick: We'll see about that!
Bob: McQueen's going inside!
Bob: Chick and The King are loose!
Darrell: I think McQueen is out of the race!
Darrell: McQueen saved it!
Bob: He's back on the track!
Doc: Float like a Cadillac...
McQueen: Sting like a Beemer!
Biggest Fan: Ka-chow, ka-chow, ka-chow!
Fans: Wooowww!
Folks: Yeeehaaaa! Hahaha.
Darrell: Lightning McQueen is gonna win the Piston Cup!
Sally: Come on! You got it! You got it, Stickers!
Chick: I am not comin' in behind you again, old man.
Dear: Oh, no!
Chick: Yeah... Woooww! I won, baby! Yeah! Oh, yeah!
Flo: What's he up to, Doc?
The King: What are you doin', kid?
McQueen: I think The King should finish his last race.
The King: You just gave up the Piston Cup, you know that?
McQueen: Ahhh. This grumpy old racecar I know once told me somethin'. It's just an empty cup.
Bob: Darrell, is pushing on the last lap legal?
Darrell: Hey, man. He's not really pushin' him. He's just givin' him a little bump draft.
Chick: Whoaa.. Hohooo!! Hey. What? What's goin' on?
Fan: That's what I call racin' right there.
Tex: Hahaha!
Luigi: Bravo il mio amico!
Mater: Way to go, buddy!
Filmore: There's a lotta love out there, you know, man?
Sarge: Don't embarrass me, Filmore.
Lizzie: That's my hot rod.
Chick: Come on, baby, bring it out! Bring out the Piston Cup! Ka-chicka! Ka-chicka! Yeah! Now, that's what I'm talkin' about! Hey, how come I'm the only one celebrating is me, huh? Where are the girls? Bring on the confetti! Auuww! Auuww! Easy with the confetti. What's goin' on? Come on, snap some pictures. I gotta go sign my deal with Dinoco! Ka-chicka! Say it with me. Ka-chicka! Ka-chicka! Ka-chicka!
Cameramen: Booo!
Mia & Tia: Booo!
Chick: What's wrong with everybody? Where's the happiness? Hey! This is the start of the Chick era!
Dear: Thanks, Lightnin'.
McQueen: You're welcome.
Fan: Way to go, King!
Fan: You're still the car!
Biggest Fan: You're The King! Yeah!
Rust-eze Folks: Yeah! Hahahaha!
Mack: Wahh! Hoo!
Rust-eze Car: You make us proud, kid!
Mack: Congrats on the loss, me bucko!
Doc: You got a lotta of stuff, kid.
McQueen: Thanks, Doc.
Tex: Hey, Lightnin'. How 'bout comin' over here and talk to me a minute? Son, that was some real racin' out there. How'd you like to become the new face of Dinoco?
McQueen: But I didn't win.
Tex: Lightnin', there's a whole lot more to racin' than just winnin'.
Rust-eze Van: He was so rusty, when he drove down the street. Hahaha. Buzzards used to circle the car!
Folks: Hahahaha.
McQueen: Thank, you, Mr. Tex, but...but these Rust-eze guys over there gave me my big break. I'm gonna stick with them.
Tex: Well, I sure can respect that. Still, you know, if there's ever anything I can do for you, just let me know.
McQueen: I sure appreciate that. Thank you. Actually, there is one thing.
Mater: Whoah! Hoo! Aaaa! Hey look at me! I'm flyin', by golly! Whoahh! Hoo! I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park!
Luigi: I think it's about-a time we redecorate.
Michael Schumacker: Chow! Hi, Lightning McQueen told me this was the best place in the world to get tires. How 'bout setting me and my friends up with three or four sets each?
Luigi: Huh. Guido! There is a real Michael Schumacker Ferrari in my store. A real Ferrari! Punch me, Guido. Punch me in the face. This is the most glorious day of my life.
Michael Schumacker: Wow. Spero che il tuo amico si riprenda. Mi dicono che siete fantastici.
Sally: Uh..huh!. Hahaha. Just passin' through?
McQueen: Actually, I thought I'd stop and stay awhile. I hear this place is back on the map.
Sally: It is?
McQueen: Yeah, there's some rumor floating around that some hotshot Piston Cup racecar is setting up his big racing headquarters here.
Sally: Really? Well, there goes the town.
McQueen: You know, I really missed you, Sally.
Sally: Well, I create feelings in others they themselves don't understand and, blah, blah, blah, blah.
McQueen: Hahaha.
Mater: McQueen and Sally parked beneath the tree, K-i-s-s...i-n-t!
McQueen: Great timing, Mater!
Mater: Hep-non, hip-hep, hi-li-lilly! Weeeee!!
McQueen: He's my best friend. What're you gonna do?
Sally: So, Stickers, last one to Flo's buys?
McQueen: I don't know. Why don't we just take a drive?
Sally: Mmm. Nahh.
McQueen: Yeah! Ka-chow!
Mater: Yeeeehoooo!!!!!
SongConcert:
So you met him at Shoney's and he gave you his card
Max: They've been laughin' since I can't remember
But they're not gonna laugh anymore
No more "Maxie the Geek", no more "Goof of the Week" like before
Girl: No more algebra tests 'til September
Girl's Boyfriend: No more lookin' at losers like him
Boy: No more havin' to cheat
Another Boy: No more mystery meat
Boy 1: No more gym!
Boy 2: No more gym!
Boy 3: No more gym!
Boy 4: NO MORE GYM!
Lisa: Gonna move to the mall
Chad: Gonna live in the pool
Max: Gonna talk to Roxanne and not feel like a fool
Chorus: 'Cause after today I'm gonna be cruisin'
Max: After today, she'll be mine!
Chorus: After today my brains'll be snoozing
Max: If I don't faint, I'll be fine!
Twin Girls: I've got forty more minutes of Home Economics
Twin Boys: Then down with the textbooks
Boy: And up with the comics!
Max: Just think of all the time I've been losing
Finding the right thing to say
Chorus: Things'll be goin' my way after today
Max: She looked right through me
And who could blame her?
I need a new me
Plus some positive proof that I'm not just a goof
Cheerleaders: And after today I'm gonna be cruisin'
Grunge Girls: No more pep rallies to cut
Blech!
Chorus: After today my brains'll be snoozing
Bus Driver: I'm gonna sit on my butt
Max: I've got less than an hour
And when this is ended
I'll either be famous
Principal Mazur: Or you'll be suspended!
Chorus: Just think of all the time I've been losing
Waiting until I could could say
Gonna be on my own
Kiss the parents good-bye
Gonna party from now 'til the end of July
Things'll be goin' my way
After today
Max: I wish that this was the day
After today
And you said you'd go out Friday night
Well, he's a total stranger but he's tall and he's cute
Girl, am I getting this right?
Now didn't we cover all this ground last week?
When the last loser left you alone
Now here we are havin' the same conversation
And I'm wonderin' if there's anbody home
CHORUS:
Hello?
Are you listening?
Have you even heard a single word I've said?
Hello, wake up and smell his cheap cologne
How can I get it through your fairytale head?
Clue phone's ringing
Girl, it's for you, hello
It seems like you're always falling for the same guy
You just change the face and the name
But if you're gonna keep fishing in a pool of shallow water
You can't give the fish all the blame
Yeah, this is how it is, I'm your friend and I love you
And I hate to see you hurting all the time
Now don't you put me on hold 'cause your call waiting's saying
That your Mr. Wrong is on the other line
REPEAT CHORUS TWICE
Helo, hello, hello
GALINDA:
What is this feeling,
So sudden and new?
ELPHABA:
I felt the moment
I laid eyes on you;
GALINDA:
My pulse is rushing;
ELPHABA:
My head is reeling;
GALINDA:
My face is flushing;
BOTH:
What is this feeling?
Fervid as a flame,
Does it have a name?
Yes! Loathing
Unadulterated loathing
GALINDA:
For your face;
ELPHABA:
Your voice;
GALINDA:
Your clothing;
BOTH:
Let's just say - I loathe it all
Ev'ry little trait, however small
Makes my very flesh begin to crawl
With simple utter loathing
There's a strange exhilaration
In such total detestation
It's so pure, so strong!
Though I do admit it came on fast
Still I do believe that it can last
And I will be loathing
Loathing you
My whole life long!
Timon: Lets have another concert! An Enchanted concert!
Giselle: When you meet the someone who was meant for you
Before two can become one there is something we must do
Animal: Do you pull each others tails?
Animal: Do you feed each other seeds?
Giselle: No, there is something sweeter everybody needs
I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss
And a prince I'm hoping comes with this
That's what brings everaftering so happy
And that's the reason we need lips so much
Four lips are the only things that touch
So to spend a life of endless bliss
Just find who you love through true love's kiss
Giselle: aaaaa aaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaa
Animals: aaaaa aaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaa
Animals: Shes been dreaming of a true love's kiss
And a prince she's hoping comes with this
That's what brings everaftering so happy
And that's the reason we need lips so much
Four lips are the only things that touch
Giselle: So to spend a life of endless bliss
Just find who you love through true love's kiss
Edward: You're the fairest maid I've ever met
You were made...
Giselle: ...to finish your duet
Giselle and Edward: And in years to come we'll reminisce
Edward: How we came to love
Giselle: And grow and grow love
Everyone: Since first we knew love through true love's kiss
All right everyone, time to tidy things up
Come my little friends
As we all sing a happy little working song
Merry little voices clear and strong
Come and roll your sleeves up
So that we can pitch in
Cleaning crud up in the kitchen
As we sing along
And you’ll trill a cheery tune in the tub
As we scrub a stubborn mildew stain
Lug a hairball from the shower drain
To the gay refrain
Of a happy working song
We’ll keep singing without fail
Otherwise we’d spoil it
Hosing down the garbage pail
And scrubbing up the toilet
Ooh!
How we all enjoy letting loose with a little
La-da-da-dum-dum
While we’re emptying the vacu-um
It’s such fun to hum
A happy working song
Oo-ooh
A happy working song
Oh, how strange a place to be
Till Edward comes for me
My heart is sighing
Still, as long as I am here
I guess a new experience
Could be worth trying
Hey! Keep drying!
You could do a lot when you got
Such a happy little tune to hum
While you’re sponging up the soapy scum
We adore each filthy chore
That we determine
So friends even though you’re vermin
We’re a happy working song
Singing as we fetch the detergent box
Or the smelly shirts and the stinky socks
Sing along
If you cannot sing then hum along
As we’re finishing our happy working song!
Ah...wasn’t this fun?
Giselle:
How does she know you love her?
How does she know she's yours?
Man:
How does she know that you love her?
Giselle:
How do you show her you love her?
Both:
How does she know that you really, really, truely love her?
How does she know that you love her?
How do you show her you love her?
How does she know that you really, really, truely love her?
Giselle:
It's not enough to take the one you love for granted
You must remind her, or she'll be inclined to say...
"How do I know he loves me?"
(How does she know that you love her?
How do you show her you love her?)
"How do I know he's mine?"
(How does she know that you really, really, truely love her?)
Well does he leave a little note to tell you you are on his mind?
Send you yellow flowers when the sky is grey? Heyy!
He'll find a new way to show you, a little bit everyday
That's how you know, that's how you know!
He's your love...
Man:
You've got to show her you need her
Don't treat her like a mind reader
Each day do something to need her
To believe you love her
Giselle:
Everybody wants to live happily ever after
Everybody wants to know their true love is true...
How do you know he loves you?
(How does she know that you love her?
How do you show her you need her?)
How do you know he's yours?
(How does she know that you really, really, truely-)
Well does he take you out dancin' just so he can hold you close?
Dedicate a song with words in
Just for you? Ohhh!
All:
He'll find his own way to tell you
With the little things he'll do
That's how you know
That's how you know!
Giselle:
He's your love
He's your love...
That's how you know
(la la la la la la la la)
He loves you
(la la la la la la la la)
That's how you know
(la la la la la la la la)
It's true
(la la la la la)
Because he'll wear your favorite color
Just so he can match your eyes
Rent a private picnic
By the fires glow-oohh!
All:
His heart will be yours forever
Something everyday will show
That's how you know
(That's how you know)
That's how you know
(That's how you know)
That's how you know
(That's how you know)
That's how you know
(That's how you know)
That's how you know
(That's how you know)
That's how you know
(That's how you know)
That's how you know!
Giselle:
He's your love...
Man:
That's how she knows that you love her
That's how you show her you love her
Giselle:
That's how you know...
That's how you know...
He's your love...
You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive
A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close
So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close
How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far
Ever Ever After
Storybook endings
Fairy tales coming true
Deep down inside
We wanna believe they still do
In our secretest heart
Its our favorite part of the story
Let's just admit we all wanna make it to
Ever ever after
If we just don't get it our own way
Ever ever after
It may only be a wish away
Start a new fashion
Wear your heart on your sleeve
Sometimes you reach what's realest by making believe
Unafraid, Unashamed
There is joy to be claimed in this world
You even might wind up being glad to be you
Ever ever after
Though the world will tell you its not smart
Ever ever after
The world can be yours if you let your heart believe in ever after
No wonder your heart feels its flying
Your head feels its spinning
Each happy ending's a brand new beginning
Let yourself be enchanted
You just might break through to
Ever ever after
Forever could even start today
Ever ever after
Maybe its just one wish away
Your ever ever after
Ever Ever Ever After
oh Ever Ever After